Reducing Stress through More Reducing Stress through More Effective CommunicationEffective Communication

David Wheeler, MA, MS, CH/FS,

Wellness & Health Recovery Coordinator,

Premier Health & Fitness Center,

Tallahassee, Florida

September 5, 2012

True freedom is found in the ability True freedom is found in the ability

to pause between stimulus and responseto pause between stimulus and response

and in that pause to choose.and in that pause to choose.Rollo May, MD,

Psychiatrist—Philosopher

Limbic system“Primitive”“Reptilian”“Old brain”Reacts to

stimulus●emotionally●without

thought

Prefrontal cortex:“This area of the brain is thought to be involved in planning complex cognitive behaviors and in the expression of personality and appropriate social behavior.” www.brainexplorer.org/ glossary/prefrontal_cortex.shtml (italics mine)

““appropriate social behavior”appropriate social behavior”Tell us an example of a stressful interpersonal

communication when there was a breach in “appropriate social behavior.”

Tell us an example of a stressful interpersonal communication when “appropriate social behavior” was maintained.

What was the difference between the two examples?What can we learn from this?

Can we agree on a few assumptions?Can we agree on a few assumptions?You cannot not communicate.Communication may be emotionally

positivenegativeneutralemotional content is dependent on both●the sender: what they meant to convey●the receiver: what they heard, understood,

interpreted, reacted to

more assumptionsmore assumptionsBoth the sender and receiver are responsible* for

the claritythe meaningthe interpretationthe implicationsof the message* to some (varying) degree

Definition of termsDefinition of termsDialoguea conversation between two or more persons an exchange of ideas and opinions a discussion between representatives of parties to a conflict

that is aimed at resolution

Diatribearchaic: a prolonged discourse

a bitter and abusive speech or piece of writing ironic or satirical criticism

Monologue: a long speech monopolizing conversation http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary

The Dialogic ModelThe Dialogic ModelReflection

after listening carefully to the sender’s message●listening, not formulating your response●listening, not focusing on your reaction to message

“let me see if I got that right”paraphrase what you believe the other person meantconclude with, “did I get that right?”keep the process going until you hear, “yes”

The Dialogic ModelThe Dialogic Model Invitation to Expand

“Is there more about that?”listen to what else they have to sayrepeat the Reflection process

●“let me see if I got that right”

●paraphrase what you believe the other person meant

●conclude with, “did I get that right?”

●keep the process going until you hear, “yes.”repeat Invitation to Expand until you hear, “no.”

The Dialogic ModelThe Dialogic ModelEmpathy

is not sympathy, “I feel sorry for you.”is not identification, “I understand you because

you’re like me.”it is, “I understand you because you’re like you.”“That makes sense because I know you to be a

person who believes A, cares about B, wants C, feels [emotion] about D, etc.”

Check it out, “Does that fit?”

The Dialogic ModelThe Dialogic ModelEmpathy, continued

“Does that fit?”hear their answer●yes●no●sort-of

“is there more about that”keep process going until you hear that your

empathy statement fits

The Dialogic ModelThe Dialogic ModelMore about empathy

nothing worse than empathy that’s●fake●cheap●off target

it requires some real personal knowledge of the person (not likely to work with strangers)

it requires some “emotional intelligence” don’t be afraid to stop at Reflection & Invitation

The Dialogic ModelThe Dialogic ModelEmpathy is like Chinese food.

When it’s good, it’s great. When it’s bad, it’s horrible. When it’s on target●stress decreases (psychophysiology research)●the relationship is strengthened●people may become more open (two-edged sword)

It’s strong medicine. Be careful.

Activity Break: Brain GymActivity Break: Brain Gym

“Lazy 8’s” or ∞ “infinity symbol”Elbow to KneePalm to SoleLock-Ups

The Dialogic Model ReviewedThe Dialogic Model ReviewedReflection

“let me see if I got that right”“did I get that right?”keep the process going until you hear, “yes.”

Invitation to Expand“Is there more about that?”

Empathy“That makes sense because I know you to be a person

who believes A, cares about B, wants C, feels [emotion] about D, etc.”

“Does that fit?”

Practice, Practice, PracticePractice, Practice, PracticeBreak up into pairs

take turns sending and receivingI’ll come around and kibitz keep it briefafter everyone has had a turn●come back together ●we’ll process the experience

Deep Diaphragmatic BreathingDeep Diaphragmatic Breathing

Our “default mode” of breathing

Associated with relaxation response

Chest breathing associated with stress response

Deep Diaphragmatic BreathingDeep Diaphragmatic BreathingPrecautions: diabetes, asthma,

COPDAssume this positionNotice as you take a deep

inhalation which expandschest?belly?

Relax muscles of neck, shoulders, chest, abdomen, hips and pelvis

Deep Diaphragmatic BreathingDeep Diaphragmatic BreathingContinue slow, deep breathsExpand the abdomen as you inhaleRelax the abdomen as you exhaleCount slowly 1, 2, 3, 4 as you inhalePauseCount slowly 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 as

you exhaleKeep practicing until it becomes

automatic

Questions, Comments, DiscussionQuestions, Comments, Discussion

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