Creating Healthy Boundaries in our Relationships Life Series part 3 of 5

With From Preaching of Tim KellerGospel and Idolatry

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Life Series Part 3 of 5

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

Our actions have consequences. Someone will bear them.

Don’t interrupt this law by regularly bailing others out.

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also

reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the

flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the

Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.”

- Galatians 6:7–8

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

Proverbs 9:8

tells us that it is worthless to confrontirresponsible people.

Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee:rebuke a wise man, and he will lovethee.

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

The law of sowing and reaping is more easily identifiable in the functional part of a marriage, because the tasks are more concrete: paying bills, cooking meals, keeping the house, etc.

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

If you reap the discomfort of yourspouse’s careless housekeeping, thiswill be quite obvious. It is more trickyin the relational part, which involvesthe emotional tie between husbandand wife: how deeply connected theyare and how they feel about each other– positively and negatively.

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

But the spouse who carries theconsequences is the only one who canchange that. She can’t change herspouse, but she can change the factthat she is the only one who facing theeffects of his irresponsibility.

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

By setting appropriate boundaries –which ranges from mentioning howmuch this behaviour hurts her, all theway to setting a clear limit on (herexposure to) it

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING

– the law of sowing and reaping will bereestablished in the way it wasintended to be and eventually lead togrowth in the relationship.

2. The Law of Responsibility

We are responsible to,

not for each other.

We are to love one another,

not be one another.

2. The Law of ResponsibilityGalatians 5:13– 14 reminds us that we should use our freedom in Christ to develop genuine love for “our neighbors”. For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shaltlove thy neighbour as thyself.

2. The Law of ResponsibilityJesus challenges us to love one another as he has loved us. Anytime we do not love others, we do not live up to our responsibilities.

2. The Law of ResponsibilityBut problems arise when our understanding ofresponsibility gets confused. We are to love oneanother, not be one another. We can’t feel thefeelings of our wives. We can’s think the thoughtsof our husbands. We can’t behave for our children.We can’t grow for others – only they can. Likewiseothers can’t grow for us – only we can.

2. The Law of Responsibility“We have to continue to work out our own salvation

... for it is God who works in us to will and act according to his good purpose.”

(Philippians 2:12–13).”

No one can do that for us. We are responsible for ourselves . . . and others are responsible for themselves.

2. The Law of ResponsibilityIn a marriage this means that we have todistinguish between our responsibility to ourspouse and her responsibility for herself. Thismeans we have to support each other in carryingthe heavy burdens of life (Galatians 6:2) such ashealth problems, emotional crises, financialburdens, raising children, and the workload that is

necessary to keep the family running.

2. The Law of ResponsibilityOn the other hand we cannot take over theresponsibility for our spouse’s feelings, attitudes,values, and her handling of life’s daily littledifficulties. We may help each other, but eachperson must take care of his and her daily loads.(Galatians 6:5).

3. The Law of Power

We do not have power over

other people

We hardly have enough power over ourselves

4. The Law of Respect

If we wish our boundaries to be respected we must respect

those of others

For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

5. The Law of Motivation

We must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes.

“Acts of love” are worthless if we don’t feel to have a choice.

6. The Law of Evaluation

We need to evaluate the effects our boundaries cause others.

Hurt and harm are not the same –pain may eventually lead to growth.

6. The Law of Evaluation

Scripture Reference

Hebrews 12:11

6. The Law of Evaluation Scripture Reference

Hebrews 12:11

“Habang tayo ay itinutuwid, hindi tayonatutuwa kindi naghihinagpis, ngunitpagkatapos niyon, mararanasan natinang kapayapaang bunga ng

pagsasa matuwid na buhay.”

6. The Law of Evaluation

Scripture Reference

“ Di pansin ng mangmang ang turong kanyang ama, ngunit dinirinig

ng may isip ang paalalala sa kanya.” Proverbs 15:5

6. The Law of Evaluation Scripture Reference

“Kung may kasalanan sa iyo angkapatid mo, puntahan mo siya at kausapin nang sarilinan tungkol sakanyang kamalian. Kapag nakinigsya sa iyo, naibalik mo na

- Matthew 18:15-17

6. The Law of Evaluation

Scripture Reference

Ang inyong pinagsamahan.

Matthew 18:15-17

7. The Law of Proactivity

Boundaries must express what you stand for , not just what you are against

Solve problems on the basis of your values, wants, and needs

7. The Law of Proactivity

Proactive means freely choosing to love, to enjoy and serve one another.

Reactive means letting someone else define and direct who we are and what we do.

7. The Law of Proactivity

“Ngunit salamat sa Diyos, kayongdating mga alipin sa kasalan, hindi

kayo saklaw ng katuwiran.”

-Romans 16:7

8. The Law of Envy

We will never get what we want if we focus on what others have.

Envy keeps us empty and unfulfilled.

8. The Law of EnvyEnvy is seeing the good as that

which we do not have.

“Ang pagpapatawad sa kapwa ay nagpapasarap sa samahan, ngunitang pagkakalat ng kahinaan ay sumisira sa pagkakaibigan.”

- Prov. 17:9

9. The Law of Activity

We need to take the initiative to solve our problems.

Don’t wait for your spouse to go the first step.

9. The Law of Activity

Boundaries are created in our lives when we do something. We must take the initiative and accept the responsibility of our feelings, attitudes, and behaviors.

9. The Law of Activity

Matthew 14:22-33

10. The Law of Exposure

Matthew 5:6

10. The Law of Exposure“Ang lahat ng nalalantad sa liwanag ay

nakikilala kano talaga ang mga iyon at nalalantad sa liwanag “Kaya’t sinasabiGumising ka, ikaw na natutulog, bumangon ka mula sa libingan at liliwanagin ka ni Cristo.”

-Ephesians 5:13-14

Gospel and Idolatry

From Preaching of

Ptr. Timothy Keller

The Gospel Coalition

Discern the idols

Expose the idols

Destroy the idols

Idols in the Region

Idols of People’s Hearts

Mythologize

Beauty: Aphrodite

Mythologize

Human Reason: Athena

Mythologize

Money: Artemis

3 Basic Metaphors for Idolatry

1. Spiritual Adultery= false God

3 Basic Metaphors for Idolatry

2. Political / Covenantal Metaphor = serve the, but they become your spiritual

masters; you enter into political treaties for

protection

3 Basic Metaphors for Idolatry

2. Political / Covenantal Metaphor

Money

High Taxes

Gave up independence

3 Basic Metaphors for Idolatry

3. Religious Metaphor = we look to our god to save us.

Physical Idolatry = bowing down physically with your

body in an image is a lot less prevalent than Soul Idolatry.

Soul Idolatry Excludes Men Out of Heaven

David Clarkson

What is an idol? It is anythingmore important o you than God,anything that absorbs your heartand imagination more than God,anything you seek to give you whatonly God can give.

– Timothy Keller

Please read

Ezekiel 16

Jeremiah 2 & 3

When you take a finite limited thing and make it an absolute.

A good thing and make it an ultimate thing, that’s an

then

“When I have that –

then my life has

value. If I don’t have

that – I don’t’know

my life.”

eve

1. FAMILY AND CHILDREN

2. CAREER & MAKING MONEY

3. ACHIEVEMENT OR CRITICAL ACCLAIM

4. SOCIAL STANDING

5. ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

6. PHYSICAL BEAUTY IN YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER

7. POLITICAL OR SOCIAL CAUSE

8. MORAL RECORD

9. Religiousity & Religious Activity

10. Ministry Success

3 Kinds of Idols1. Personal Idols

2. Religious Idols

3. Cultural Idols

Personal IdolsMoney

Romance / Love

Children

Religious IdolsTruth

Gifts

Morality

Cultural Idols

Ideology = make an idol about an idea

The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer

Why We Must Think

Rightly About God?

The low view of God entertained almostuniversally among Christians is the cause of ahundred lesser evils everywhere among us. Awhole new philosophy of the Christian life hasresulted from this one basic error in our religiousthinking.

- The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer

With our loss of the sense of majesty has come thefurther loss of religious awe and consciousness ofthe divine Presence. We have lost our spirit ofworship and our ability to withdraw inwardly tomeet God in adoring silence.

- The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer

Modern Christianity is simply not producing thekind of Christian who can appreciate or experiencethe life in the Spirit. The words, “Be still, and knowthat I am God,” mean next to nothing to the selfconfident, bustling worshipper in this middleperiod of the twentieth century.

- The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer

The heaviest obligation lying upon the ChristianChurch today is to purify and elevate her conceptof God until it is once more worthy of Him - and ofher. In all her prayers and labors this should havefirst place.

- The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer

We do the greatest service to the next generation ofChristians by passing on to them undimmed andundiminished that noble concept of God which wereceived from our Hebrew and Christian fathers ofgenerations past. This will prove of greater value tothem than anything that art or science can devise.

- The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer