Distinguishing Thoughts vs. Feelings

Distinguishing Thoughts vs. Feelings 

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The word "feelings" is used frequently in conversation. If we're looking at feelings and thoughts in relation to

changing our behaviors or establishing new habits, we need to have an

understanding of what "feelings" are.

Understanding "feelings" is like understanding the meaning of traffic

lights.  Like traffic lights feelings tell us when to stop, when to yield, and when to go.  Our feelings give us directions

and warnings.

If we don't heed our feelings, we miss out on vital information. Ignoring our feelings is like driving without paying attention to traffic lights and signs. 

Many of us live this way, without accessing our feelings.  

It may not occur to us that we even have feelings about something, because we're

so used to ignoring them.  

However, when we try to change our behaviors, break habits or try new things,

if we ignore our feelings, we can get stuck and not know why. We can become

frustrated, discouraged and resigned without realizing why we can't make

things happen in our lives. 

How does this happen?  It happens when we rely on our thoughts.  Although we

may be very intelligent, with highly developed mental skills, when our minds are cut off from our feelings, our thoughts

can become a liability. 

Our minds (or our thoughts) are extremely powerful, useful tools that help us understand the world, make effective

decisions and keep us alive. 

But if we rely only on our minds, we're missing a vital part of the picture. Using our minds without our feelings can be

misleading. 

For example, you may feel physically hungry but not eat because you think you are fat or think you have to wait until noon.  So you

end up depriving yourself of nutrition when you actually need it.  

Or you may feel angry when someone mistreats you but not tell anyone

because you think you're making too much of it, or because you think you'll

only make them mad. 

In these cases, though the intent is to make yourself feel better, by relying on

your thoughts and ignoring your feelings, you never solve the problems,

and you end up feeling worse. 

Thoughts are based on rules, beliefs, and judgments that we learn from others or personally invent based on our own

experiences. Thoughts are not necessarily based on fact…actually,

they are often not based in fact.  

The tricky part is that our thoughts can occur like they ARE factual. This can

add to the confusion or self-delusion.  

Feelings occur naturally and are experienced physically  

While there are vast differences in our thoughts and belief systems, everybody,

everywhere, experiences the same primary feelings; happiness, sadness,

anger, fear, loneliness, and hurt.    

Sometimes feelings are created by incorrect thinking, formed from judgments, personal

history, cultural influences, etc. But they are still your feelings and need to be

acknowledged and attended to.    

Feelings are not right or wrong, they just exist and need to be expressed in healthy ways.   

How do you tell the difference between thoughts and feelings?  

Your feelings manifest in your body as physiological experiences and reactions.  For example, when you are afraid, your stomach

area may tighten, your heart rate may increase, or your whole body may stiffen. 

These physical experiences tell  you that you are afraid.  Likewise, when you are angry, your face may get flushed, and you may

clench your jaw and or your fists.

"Good" and "bad" are not feelings.  They are judgments about feelings. 

They are what we think about our feelings.

For example, maybe I lost something and I am feeling sad.  Suppose someone asks

me how I'm doing and I answer, "not good" or "badly". What I am actually saying, then

(both to the other person as well as to myself) is that I think my sad feeling is bad

and that I should not feel that way.  But sadness is neither good nor bad. 

See the distinction? 

Sadness is a normal response to loss.  It is as natural to feel sad at times as it is to feel happy.  There are no good or bad

feelings.  Feelings just are.

You can feel multiple conflicting things at the same time. You can feel happy and sad. You can feel intimidated and delighted. You can feel angry and attracted, or angry and

loving. You can feel any number of and any combination of feelings all at once.  

Below are some common feelings.  Each feeling is followed by variations within

the same category. 

Emotional

1. Happy (peaceful, joyous, excited)2. Sad (grieving, disappointed)3. Angry (mad, frustrated, annoyed4. Ashamed (embarrassed, uncomfortable)5. Proud (strong, righteous)6. Afraid (nervous, anxious, terrified)7. Loved (appreciated, cherished)8. Loving (compassionate, accepting)9. Hurt (wronged, victimized)10. Lonely (empty, isolated)11. Bored (indifferent, apathetic)

Physical

1. Tired (sleepy, exhausted)2. Energetic (hyper, restless)3. Sick (achy, feverish)4. Full (satisfied, stuffed)5. Hungry (craving, starving)6. Pained (sore, injured)7. Sexual (sensual, longing)

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