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The Psychology of SuccessUnder Stress
Sharon M. Melnick, Ph.D.
April 30, 2009
What is Stress?
LayoffsRentals Down
Negative Media
Worries about my future
Colleagues and boss ‘on edge’
OverwhelmedExhausted
SickFamily Tensions
Stress Level
What determines your response to stress?
Your perceived ability to handle the stress
Perceived ability to handle the stress
COMMAND: Control your thoughts
CONFIDENCE: Believe in / rely on yourself
CALM: Control your nervous system
I don’t get caught up in other’s stress
I am ‘chill’
I will ‘land on my feet’ no matter what
I, not others, control my destiny
I control my thoughtsI focus
Control Amplifiers
Command• Confident Self-talk
Confidence
• Fastest way to confidence
Calm• Balance your nervous system• Maximize your body’s intelligence
Confident Self-Talk
How many thoughts does a human being have a day?
Confident Self-Talk
How many thoughts does a human being have a day?• 60,000
Confident Self-Talk
How many thoughts does a human being have a day?• 60,000
• ______ x 7 = number of thoughts left on the table each week
Confident Self-Talk
Conscious Mind = Captain
Subconscious Mind = Crewmembers
Every thought is a “Captain’s Order”
Confident Self-Talk
My Horizon Point is…
Confident Self-Talk
My Horizon Point is…
Your future creates your present
Confident Self-Talk
Captain’s Orders Guidelines:• “I” statements
Confident Self-Talk
Captain’s Orders Guidelines:• “I” Statements• Constructive
Not empty calorie thoughts
Confident Self-Talk
Captain’s Orders Guidelines:• “I” Statements• Constructive
Not empty calorie thoughts “What” and “How” questions
Confident Self-Talk
Captain’s Orders Guidelines:• “I” Statements• Constructive
Not empty calorie thoughts “What” and “How” questions
• Motivating Tone Be the DJ of your own mental iPod
Confident Self-Talk
Create “Flow States” with Captain’s Orders
Confidence
THE FASTEST WAY TO BUILD CONFIDENCE
• The way you are trying to build confidence may be interfering with building confidence
Other People
Current confidence / Self Doubt
Desired Confidence,Security, Effectiveness
Other People
I act towards others How I hope others will act towards me
Confident, Secure, Effective
Current confidence / Self Doubt
Other People
I act so others will think well of me
How I hope others will act towards me
Confident, Secure, Effective
Current confidence / Self Doubt
Other People
I act so others will think well of me
How I hope others will act towards me
Confident, Secure, Effective
INDIRECT PATHWAY:Type 1: Act towards others in order to get them to act towards me so that I feel valued and ‘enough’. I ‘borrow’ confidence from the way I get
other people to think about me.
Current confidence / Self Doubt
Other People
Confident, Secure, Effective
Other People
I avoid, procrastinate, and hold myself back.
How I hope to prevent other people from criticizing me.
Confident, Secure, Effective
Other People
I avoid, procrastinate, and hold myself back.
How I hope to prevent other people from criticizing me.
Confident, Secure, Effective INDIRECT PATHWAY:
Type 2: Act to prevent others from acting towards me in ways that would erode my confidence. Act to “hold on” to the confidence I have.
GO DIRECT!
Confident, Secure, Effective
DIRECT PATHWAY:I act directly to bring value and build confidence and fulfillment
for the long term.
Build Confidence Directly
Confidence
GO DIRECT!
Staying Calm Under Stress
How do you respond to stress now?
Your nervous system modulates your response to stress
Staying Calm Under Stress
Two Parts of Your Nervous System
• Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS)
• Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS)
Staying Calm Under Stress
Sympathetic Nervous System• Rush of adrenaline – energy burst then lull• Cortisol levels high
Depresses immune system Aging Degrades memory
• Heart palpitations – inefficient• High level of (over) focus
Staying Calm Under Stress
Parasympathetic Nervous System• Calms you• Access intuition• See the big picture• “Calm discernment” (can put emotion aside)• Sleep more restfully – melatonin levels healthy• Strengthens idea formation, creativity, & objective
thinking
Staying Calm Under Stress
Re-wire your nervous system instead of using temporary stress relief
Balancing the SNS and PNS:
MIND FOLLOWS BREATH
Staying Calm Under Stress
Three-Part Breath:
Equal parts INHALE - HOLD - EXHALE
Staying Calm Under Stress
Accessing the “Brain in Your Heart” to Stay Calm
The best way to predict the future is…
to create it.- Peter Drucker
The Psychology of SuccessUnder Stress
Sharon M. Melnick, Ph.D.
Information for AIM participants:
www.SharonMelnick.com/AIM
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