Description

Description

What is description? Description—creates vivid images in

the reader’s mind by portraying people, places, or moments in detail.

Why use description? It creates a dominant

impression on the reader. This is the overall mood, feeling, or

image and atmosphere you want to convey to the readers.

It brings emphasis to what you describe—the important moments in your writing.

Why use description? Expresses your attitude toward the

subject. How do you feel about the subject?

Positively? Negatively? Neutral? Uncomfortable? Afraid? Supportive?

Choose details that support your attitude toward the subject.

Why use description? It uses concrete details.

It helps the reader visualize the person, place, or situation.

It helps the readers understand your ideas fully and more clearly.

It makes your important ideas come across to the readers better!

How do I use description? Use specific rather than general

language Use concrete rather than abstract

language Show, don’t tell! Use imagery (words that appeal to the

senses) Use strong nouns and verbs (not vague

adjectives and adverbs)

General and Specific LanguageGeneral

Everyone Everything Things

Good Bad

Specific My mother, father, brother, and I

Basic needs like food, shelter, and love

Morals, like how to be respectful of others, to value family, and to keep my faith, especially in difficult times

My mom always armed herself with information and asked questions about our illnesses, even if it was just chicken pox.

My mom became stressed and lost patience with us.

General and Specific Words (cont.)

food junk food dessert ice cream premium ice cream Ben and Jerry's ice cream Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream a double-scoop waffle cone of Ben and

Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream

Most general

Most specific

Concrete and Abstract WordsAbstract

These refer to concepts. They don’t physically exist. Love Moral Truth Beauty Freedom Good

Concrete These words refer to

physical objects, can be experienced by the senses. Girl or Boy Forest Stone deep spruce green ice cream

Show! Don’t Tell.When you are writing, it is

easy to simply tell your readers about your topic.

Don’t do this! Show them with description. Show through action

rather than just giving a brief synopsis.

Actions speak louder than words!

Examples Telling: It was a nice day. The sky is a bright shade

of blue, and it has white clouds in it. Showing: Puffy white clouds floated across the

cobalt-blue sky.

Telling: We had fun together when we were children.

Showing: Tumbling off the couch, letting out banshee-like screams, we fell to an imaginary death at the foot of the torn and tattered cliff of the couch.

Examples Telling: The girls were excited. Showing: Giggles and screams filled

the arena. The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the anticipation of the event. They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here.

Examples Telling: The room was empty and scary. Showing: The door opened with a resounding

echo that seemed to fill the house. Cob webs once attached flowed freely in the air as the open door brought light to a well worn floor. The light gave notice to the peeling paint on the walls and to the silhouettes once covered by pictures. The new air gave life to a stuffiness that entrapped the room. Faded and torn white sheets covered once new furniture now drowning in dust.

Show, Don’t Tell Examples (cont.)Now, you try one. Revise this sentence to make it show, rather than tell: Telling: The class is interesting.

How could you show this through concrete details? Possible Answer: The sound of voices fills the

room in my college English class. Our teacher gives us wacky writing prompts, and students passionately read what they wrote out loud. Then, when each student finishes reading, we all applaud in support. There’s certainly never a dull moment.

Show, Don’t Tell Examples (cont.)Try one more. Revise this sentence to make it show, rather than tell: Telling: My mom is responsible.

How could you show this through concrete details? Possible Answer: After a long day at work caring for

others at the hospital, my mom came home, cooked my brother and I dinner, helped us with our homework, played a game with us, and then read us a story, complete with all the characters’ voices. After we were in bed, she went straight to the computer to finish homework for her master’s degree. There were nights that I was sure she didn’t sleep, but she never let it show.

Imagery Imagery—using language that appeals

to the sensesSightSoundTouchTasteSmell

Imagery ExampleWhat senses are being appealed to in this passage?The hot July sun beat relentlessly down, casting an orange glare over the farm buildings, the fields, the pond. Even the usually cool green willows bordering the pond hung wilted and dry. Our sun-baked backs ached for relief. We quickly pulled off our sweaty clothes and plunged into the pond, but the tepid water only stifled us and we soon climbed onto the brown, dusty bank. Our parched throats longed for something cool--a strawberry ice, a tall frosted glass of lemonade.We pulled on our clothes, crackling underbrush, the sharp briars pulling at our damp jeans, until we reached the watermelon patch. As we began to cut open the nearest melon, we could smell the pungent skin mingling with the dusty odor of the dry earth. Suddenly, the melon gave way with a crack, revealing the deep, pink sweetness inside.

Imagery ExampleWhat senses are being appealed to in this passage?The hot July sun beat relentlessly down, [touch, sight] casting an orange glare over the farm buildings, [sight] the fields, the pond. Even the usually cool green willows bordering the pond hung wilted and dry. [sight] Our sun-baked backs ached for relief. [touch] We quickly pulled off our sweaty clothes and plunged into the pond, but the tepid water only stifled us [touch] and we soon climbed onto the brown, dusty bank. [sight] Our parched throats longed for something cool--a strawberry ice, a tall frosted glass of lemonade. [taste]We pulled on our clothes, crackling underbrush, [sound] the sharp briars pulling at our damp jeans, [touch] until we reached the watermelon patch. As we began to cut open the nearest melon, we could smell the pungent skin mingling with the dusty odor of the dry earth. [smell] Suddenly, the melon gave way with a crack, revealing the deep, pink sweetness inside. [sound and sight]

Use Strong Nouns and Verbs Describe through nouns and verbs,

rather than adjectives and adverbs In his memoir, On Writing, Stephen King

says, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” I would add that it is also paved with

vague adjectives. Use specific nouns and vivid verbs to

describe.

Using Strong Nouns and Verbs Example Poor: The toy was a lot of comfort to the

child when she was afraid of the dark. This sentence uses vague nouns and

adjectives: toy, child, a lot. It also uses the weak, general verb

was twice. This sentence is okay, but it could be

much better. Let’s look at another example.

Using Strong Nouns and Verbs Example Better: When the toddler imagined hairy

monsters springing from the shadows of the darkened hallway, she crushed her stuffed raccoon to her chest.

There are specific nouns and adjectives: stuffed raccoon, hairy monsters, shadows, darkened hallway, toddler.

This sentence takes advantage of verbs like imagined, springing, and crushed, which give exact description of the action and elicit a more intense response from the readers.

Using Strong Verbs ExamplesStrong verbs can add color to a sentence without adding clutter or length. Poor: His cologne smelled really bad. Better: He skunked the party up with his cologne.

Poor: She always skipped class. Better: She wormed her way out of the class.

Poor: The man ran quickly. Better: The man dashed.

Poor: She said loudly. Better: She shouted.

PracticeThink about a particular place that

you go often, a coffee shop, a mall, a park, a gift shop, your work, etc.

Write a paragraph that describes that place in great detail and imagery, including sights, sounds, smells, etc. Remember to form a strong topic

sentence!

One Last Thought… How can you use description to improve

your essay? What descriptive words could you use to

describe your topic? What sensory details can you use to support

your claims? After you’ve written your first draft, take

another look through it. Where could you replace a weak verb with a stronger, more colorful one?