Active listening

“A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.”

Kenneth A. WELLS

WHAT IS LISTENING?

If you ask a group of people to give a one word description of listening, some would say hearing.

BUT LISTENING…

Is following and understanding the sound---it is hearing with a purpose.

DEFINITION OF LISTENING The process of receiving,

constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to hear something with thoughtful attention

Listening vs. Hearing

• Hearing- physical process; natural; passive

• Listening- physical & mental process; active; learned process; a skill

• Listening is hard!You must choose to participate in the

process of listening.

Listening is a conscious activity based on three basic skills:

1) Attitude 2) Attention3) Adjustment

1)Attitude Maintain a constructive Attitude 2)AttentionStrive to pay Attention

3)AdjustmentCultivate a capacity for Adjustment

Listening is needed everywhere…

Listening skills form the basis of: Continued learning Teamwork skills Management skillsNegotiation skills

Emotional intelligence

… But not practiced effectively 70% of all

communication isMisunderstoodMisinterpretedRejectedDistortedNot heard

Listening is an active process that has three basic steps. 1. Hearing 2. Understandi

ng 3. Judging

TYPES OF LISTENING 1. Inactive listening. 2. Selective

listening. 3. Active listening 4. Reflective

Listening

Active Listening

WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING?

A way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding.

A way of paying attention to other people that can make them feel that you are hearing them

This type of listening is called active because it requires certain behaviors of the listener.

WHY LISTEN ACTIVELY? Our brain works four times the speed that

someone can speak. You have to actively focus on listening so that your mind doesn’t wander.

It enriches you and those around you, and guides other areas of your life.

It can build trust and respect between people, and prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict, frustration or hurt feelings.

While listening to other people’s point of view, you may just learn something new and fascinating!

Do you know these?

We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm

75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful

20% of the time, we remember what we hear

More than 35% of businesses think listening is a top skill for success

Less than 2% of people have had formal education with listening

BENEFITS OF ACTIVE LISTENING It forces people to listen attentively to

others. It tends to open people up, to get them to

say more. Shows empathy Builds relationships

The Main Goals to Active Listening Maximize your understanding of the

other’s perspective

Minimize their defensiveness (and your own, too)

KEY CONCEPTS OF ACTIVE LISTENING 1. Display involvement in what the person is

saying 2. Carefully observe the person speaking 3. Resist distractions 4. Try to stay focused on what is being said 5. Ask for clarification of anything that you do not

fully understand 6. Delay making judgments about what is said.

Active listeners speak 30% of the time and listen 70% of the time. Sometimes, we have to try hard not to interrupt – the only acceptable reason is to clarify or confirm what has been said.

Why is active listening difficult? When people are preoccupied with current

life stresses or difficult situations, it is hard for them to listen.

Anxiety can make it hard to listen. Being angry at the person who is talking

also makes it hard to listen. Having an idea in mind of what a person

“should do” makes it hard to listen to that person's point of view.

ACTIVE LISTENING BARRIERS

EXTERNAL BARRIERS INTERNAL BARRIERS

Internal Barriers Within The Listener

Internal Barriers Within The Speaker

External Barriersnoises clutter other interruptions

Internal Barriers Within the Listener

Comparing Personal Experience Automatic Talking Mind-Reading Judging Day Dreaming Perceptual Errors

Barriers Within the Speaker Expectations Avoidance Speaking in Code Boundary

When to Use Active Listening Inappropriate Routine interactions Physical emergencies

Appropriate Organizational Crises Conflict situations Giving and receiving

feedback Brainstorming,

problem solving Seeking peers’

cooperation

STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING1) Listen2) Question3) Reflect-Paraphrase4) Agree

1. REFLECTING Reflect What Is Said (In your words) Reflect Feelings

REFLECTING WHAT IS SAID

REFLECTING FEELINGS Someone may say: “Don’t worry. I’m

fine” (when she actually looks very upset)… Reflecting, you say “You say you’re OK, but by the tone of your

voice, you seem upset, correct?”

Act like a mirror and reflect feelings that you see and hear. This is particularly useful when the person’s tone of voice or gestures don’t match the person’s words.

OR just as a check…

“Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR

“I sense you’ve become worried. Is that so?”

2.REFRAMINGWhy You Do It? to help the other person see their concerns in a new

light to broaden the meaning of an issue to identify needs

or interests to diffuse negative feelings to establish the focus for resolutionHow You Do It? recognize underlying needs re-word concerns from negative → neutral/positive

past → future; problem → opportunity; interpersonal → system rights/wrongs → impacts positions → interests singular → multiple

REFRAMING(cont.) Concern: “She always talks to

everyone else but me when there is a problem.”

Reframe: “It sounds as if you would like more direct communication to resolve concerns.”

3.PARAPHASINGPARAPHRASE the speaker to acknowledge the story and capture the content.EXAMPLE: “Let’s see if I got this right.

You’re upset because you think we’re going off in the wrong direction and you want to clarify our objective before we write this assignment. Is that right”

CAUTION: Don’t parrot back; be sure to put the message in your own words – that’s active listening.

4. ACKNOWLEDING

FEELINGS

Problem Solving

FEELINGS

Problem Solving

Ack

now

ledg

e

Problem Solving Might

Not Work In the Face of Strong

Feelings

Feelings May Need Acknowledgement

Before Effective Problem Solving

5.SUMMARIZEWhy You Do It?•to review progress •to pull together important ideas and information•to establish a foundation for further discussionHow You Do It?•restate the central ideas and feelings you have heardExample: “Let’s see if I have a clear understanding of your experience at this point…”“So basically what is most important to you is…”

Step 4: Agree Get Speaker’s Consent to Your

Reframing Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows

It! Solution Is Near!

Remember that the objective of all of this is increase understanding of the other’s point of view, not necessarily to agree with it or support it.

Are You a Good Listener? Do you frequently think of other things when others are

talking to you? Do you doodle, shuffle papers, look at the clock or out

the window, read the newspaper,or watch TV? Do you silently argue with the talker? Do you only selectively hear ideas that fit your beliefs? Do you feel most people have little to talk about that is

interesting or important? Do you listen passively without any facial expressions? Do you frequently interrupt others as they are

speaking? Do you complete sentences or ideas for people when

they pause to think? Do you silently criticize characteristics of the speaker:

voice, looks, manner of speaking? Do you have to ask people to repeat what they said

because you have forgotten?

ACTIVE LISTENERS

1. Be there2. Listen carefully to the person3. Accept the person and his/her

feelings4. Stay with the other person's point of

view without becoming that person5. Trust the person enough to

keep out of it

ACTIVE LISTENING &NEGOTIATION

Active listening is important for identifying and creating negotiating goals, because listening helps to orient the negotiator to the environment.

Because people do not learn much while they are talking, negotiators should attempt to talk less than 50% of time.

In negotiation, there are FOUR major reasons to listen:

1.To learn the other side’s proposals and strengths;2.To discover the needs of constituents and teammates3.To discern subtle position changes and openings; and4.To show other side that their proposals are understood.

CONCLUSIONListening is a critical communication skill

for managers and consultants, as well as for all of us in our personal lives.

You can't negotiate effectively until you understand what the other person wants.

Active listening, is crucial to achieving your ultimate communication objectives.

Active listening is a skill that, like other communication skills, must be developed .

By practicing you can develop these skills.