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Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often StaySingle

Clearly,somepeoplearesinglebecausetheychoosetobe.Theyaresimplynotinterestedinbeinginaseriousrelationshipatthistimeintheirlife.Othersaresingleduetothecircumstancesoftheirlives.Theymayhavejustgottenoutofameaningfulrelationshiporhavedatedrelentlesslyandjusthaventfoundsomeonewithwhomtheyretrulycompatible.Thepointofthisarticleisnttostereotypeallsinglewomenormenortoputanyoneinabox.However,forpeople,particularlythoseover30,whoarelookingforanswerstothepuzzlingquestionwhyamIstillsingle?,hereare

someunconventionalanswersthatliewithin.

Whenitcomestodatingandrelationships,itshardnottofeelthatyouareavictim.Afterall,otherscanbecruelyouwillgethurt,andno,itisntalwaysyourfault.Buttherealityisthatweholdmorepoweroverourromanticdestinythanweoftenthink.Toagreatdegree,wecreatetheworldwelivein,althoughwearerarelyconsciousofthisprocess.Wecan,infact,makeachoicewhethertoseeourfatethroughavictimizedlensorchoosetobegoaldirectedandtakepoweroverourlives.Webenefitfromfocusingonwhatwecancontrolandnotwhatwecant.Wecanbecomeawareofthemyriadofwaysweinfluencethereactionswegetfromothers,eventhenegativereactions.So,thequestionforthesinglepersonlookingforloveis:whataretheinternalchallengesIneedtoface?

1)Defenses

Mostpeoplehavebeenhurtininterpersonalrelationships.Withtimeandpainfulexperiences,weallrisk

buildingupvaryingdegreesofbitternessandbecomingdefended.Thisprocessbeginslongbeforewestartdating,inourchildhoods,whenhurtfulinteractionsanddynamicsleadustoputupwallsorperceivetheworldthroughafilterthatcannegativelyimpactusasadults.Theseadaptationscancauseustobecomeincreasinglyselfprotectiveandclosedoff.Inouradultrelationships,wemayresistbeingtoovulnerableorwritepeopleofftooeasily.

If,forexample,youwereraisedbyparentsorcaretakerswhowerenegligentorcold,youmaygrowupfeelingdistrustingofaffection.Youmayfeelsuspiciousofpeoplewhoshowtoomuchinterestinyouandinstead,youseekoutrelationshipsthatrecreatedynamicsfromyourpast.Youmaythenchooseapartnerwhoisaloofordistant.Itisntalwayseasytoseewhenwehaveourdefensesup.Asaresult,wetendtoblameoursinglenessonexternalforcesandfailtorecognizethatwearentasopenaswethink.

2)UnhealthyAttractions

Whenweactonourdefenses,wetendtochooselessthanidealrelationshippartners.Wemayestablishanunsatisfyingrelationshipbyselectingapersonwhoisntemotionallyavailable.Becausethisprocessislargelyunconscious,weoftenblameourpartnerfortherelationshipsfailedoutcome.Wetendtofeeldevastatedorhurtbytherepeatedrejectionswithoutrecognizingthatweareactuallyseekingoutthispattern.

Whydowedothis?Thereasonsarecomplexandoftenbasedonourownembeddedfearsofintimacy.

Manypeoplehaveanunconsciousmotivationtoseekoutrelationshipsthatreinforcecriticalthoughtstheyhavelonghadtowardthemselvesandreplaynegativeaspectsoftheirchildhoods.Thesemaybeunpleasant,butbreakingwitholdpatternscancauseusagreatdealofanxietyanddiscomfortandmakeusfeelstrangelyalienandaloneinamorelovingenvironment.

Ourfearsofpartingwiththeimagewedevelopedofourselvesearlyonandstartingtoseeourselvesinamorepositivelightparadoxicallymakeusfeeluneasyandmaytriggerselfattackingthoughtslike,Whodoyouthinkyouare?Yourenotthatgreat.Thesefearsmaycauseustoholdontorelationshipswithout

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10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

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potentialortofeelattractedtopeoplewhoarentreallyavailable,becausetheyreinforceournegativeimageofourselves,whichfeelsmorecomfortableandfamiliar,albeitpainful.

3)FearofIntimacy

Asmyfather,psychologistandauthorRobertFirestone,wroteinhisarticleYouDontWantWhatYouSayYouWant,Mostofusprofessthatwewanttofindalovingpartner,buttheexperienceofreallovedisruptsfantasiesoflovethathaveservedasasurvivalmechanismsinceearlychildhoodPushingawayandpunishingthebelovedactstopreserveonesnegativeselfimageandreducesanxiety.

Ourfearssurroundingintimacymaymanifestasconcernsoversomeonelikingustoomuch,anunderstandablyirrationalreasonnottodateaperson.Orwemaypunishtheotherpersonbybeingcritical,evenengaginginnastybehavior,essentiallymakingsurewedontgetthelovingresponseswesaywewant.Therealityisthatmostpeoplecanonlytolerateacertainamountofcloseness.Wearedefendedaboutlettingsomeoneelsein.Ineffect,onadeeperlevel,wedontnecessarilywantthelovewesaywewant.

4)Pickiness

Ourowndefensesoftenleaveusfeelingpickierandmorejudgmental.Thisisparticularlytrueafterwevehadbadexperiences,whereweweredeceivedorrejectedbyapersonforwhomwehadstrongfeelings.Manywomenstarttohavethoughtslike,TherearenodecentmenoutthereorAllthegoodonesaretaken.Menmayhavethoughtslike,YoucanttrustawomenorWomenareallouttotakeadvantageofyou.Wemayhaveunrealisticexpectationsforapartnerorpinpointweaknessesfromthemomentwemeetsomeone.Whenviewingtheworldfromcriticalordistrustingeyes,wetendtowriteoffarangeofpotentialpartnersbeforeevengivingthemachance.Wethinkofdatingcertainpeopleassettlingwithouteverseeinghowthatpersoncouldmakeushappyinthelongterm.

Afriendofminefeltclosedofftoamanwhopursuedherformorethanayear.Althoughshesawhimaskind,funnyandsmart,sheconvincedherselfthathewastoointoher.Shesaidhewastooneedyandwassurehewouldwindupgettinghurtbyher.Sheoftenstatedthatshejustwasntattractedtohim.Themenshewasdrawntoinsteadtendedtobeunreliableandemotionallydistant.Atherfriendsinsistence,shefinallyagreedtogoonadatewiththemanwhodbeenpursuingher.Whatshefound,tohersurprise,wasahighlevelrelationshipchoice,apartnerwithwhomshesharedagreatdealofmutualinterest,and,ultimately,genuinelove.

Whathersandsomanysimilarstoriesshowusisthatwhenwethinkwearesettlingforsomeone,wemaynotbesettlingatall.Wemayactuallyfindourselvesinarelationshipthatissomuchmorerewardingthanthosewehaveexperienced.Ironically,initiallywetendnottotrustthepeoplewhoreallylikeus,butwhenwegivethemachance,wefindthatwevechosensomeonewhovaluesusforwhowereallyare,someonewhocanreallymakeushappy.

5)LowSelfEsteem

SomanypeopleIvespokentohaveexpressedthesamesentiment.Theybelievetheywantafulfillingrelationshipmorethananything,buttheybelieveevenmorefirmlythatnooneworthwhilewouldbeinterestedinthem.Weallpossesscriticalinnervoicesthattelluswearetoofat,toougly,toooldortoodifferent.Whenwelistentothesevoices,weengageinbehaviorsthatpushpeopleaway.Whenweremainsingle,itisnotforthereasonsthatweretellingourselves.Ourlackofconfidenceleavesusgivingoffsignalsofnotbeingopen,creatingacatch22intherealmofdating.Manypeopleevenhavetroubleleavingthehousewhentheyrereallydownonthemselves,letalonepursuingsituationswheretheyarelikelytomeetpotentialpartners.Somestruggletomakeeyecontactorarereluctanttoscantheroomforwhotheymightbeattractedto.Whentheyaredrawntosomeone,theymayfailtopursuetheirstrongestattractionsforlackofselfesteem.

6)FearofCompetition

Alackofselfesteemoftenleadstofearsofcompeting.Itseasytoputourselvesdowninrelationtoothers,especiallywhenitcomestodating.Whenwemeetsomeonewelike,itsalltooeasytothink,He/shecoulddobetter.Whenweseethatsomeoneelseisinterestedinthepersonwelike,wemaybequicktobackaway.Wemayfeelunwillingtocompete,particularlyaswegetolder,andwestarttohaveselfattackslikeYourtimehaspassed,youretoooldforthis.Ourfearsofcompetitioncanleadustoavoidputtingourselvesoutthere.Wemaybeafraidoflookinglikeafoolorofnotbeingchosen.Wemayevenhavefearsaboutwinningthecompetition,thinkingwewillhurttheotherpersonsfeelingsorthatoursuccesswillresultinaggressionfromtheloser.Thesimpletruthis:datingiscompetitive.Itisscarytotakeachanceandgoforwhatwewantandcompete,butwhenwedo,wemostoftenfinditiswellworthittofaceourfears.Weendupwithastrongersenseofself,andweincreaseourchancesofcreatingarelationshipwiththepartnerwereallydesire.

7)IsolationandRoutine

Withage,peopletendtoretreatfurtherandfurtherintotheircomfortzones.Modernwomenaremoreandmoresuccessful,accomplishedandselfsufficient,whichareallextremelypositivedevelopments.Yetasbothmenandwomengetmorecomfortable,beitfinanciallyorpractically,itisalsoeasierforthemtoformabubblefromwhichitisdifficulttoemerge.Itcanfeelhardertotakerisksorputthemselvesoutthere.Afteralongdayswork,manyofusmayfeelmorelikeputtingonpajamasandcrawlingintobedthangoingoutintotheuncertainandanxietyprovokingworldofmeetingpeople.

Theencouragementwefeeltostayhomeorstaysafeoftencomesfromourcriticalinnervoice.Thisinnercoachoffersselfsoothingwords,Juststayintonightandrelax.Yourefineonyourown.Haveaglassofwine.Watchthatshowyoulike.Theproblemwiththisvoiceisthatitlaterturnsonyouwiththoughtslike,Whataloseryouare,homealoneagain.Youllbelonelytherestofyourlife.Yourenotgettinganyyounger!Noonewillbeattractedtoyou.Manyoftheactivitiesweusetocomfortourselvesactuallymakeusfeelbadintheend,astheyresultinusavoidingpursuingwhatwereallywantinlife.Itsimportanttoresistfallingintoacomfortzoneandtorepeatedlychallengetheinfluenceofourcriticalinnervoice.Weshouldtakeactionandmakeanefforttogetoutintotheworld,smile,makeeyecontactandletfriendsknowwearelookingforsomeone.Weshouldtrynewactivitiesandeventrydatingdiversepeopleasameanstodiscovernewpartsofourselvesandwhatmakesushappy.

8)Rulemaking

TheSpaceAroundThoughts

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DoYouHaveanHonestRelationship?

5ThingstoDoTodaytoSaveYourRelationship

AreYouSinglefortheRightReasons?

8)Rulemaking

Asyearspass,weoftendeveloprulebooksforourselvesregardingdating.Ineffect,weputwhatwehavelearneddownonpaper,butwhatlooksgoodonpaperdoesntalwaysworkinreallife.Whenweactonrulesbasedonourpast,wecancreateaperpetualcycleofdisappointingrelationships.AwomanIknowoncedatedsomeonewithwhomshehadamazingchemistry.Whenitdidntworkout,shedecidedtostoplookingforaguyshefeltastrongconnectionwithorattractionto.Instead,shemadereasonablechoices,andasaresult,shefoundfarlesssatisfyingrelationships.Itsimportantnottomakefixedrulesortobuyintootherpeoplesruleswhenitcomestodating.

Stayingopenisoneofthemostimportantthingswecandowhenlookingforalovingpartner.Yes,wemightgethurtbutwhenwestoptakingrisks,wereduceourchancesofmeetingsomeonewecouldreallyhaveafuturewith.Relationshiprulestendtogohandinhandwithgameplaying.Theycanleadustoactwithlesssincerityandauthenticity,tocloseourselvesofffromhowwefeel.Ontheotherhand,stayingopenandhonestwillleadustofindamuchmoreauthenticandsubstantialrelationship.

Seekingloveisntaneasyquest,butitsalwaysbesttotakethisjourneyonourownside.Itsimportanttofightthepatternsinsideusthatholdusbackfromgettingwhatwewant.Wecantshieldourselvesfromtheworldorkeepourselvesfromgettinghurt.Weallcarryflaws,andthesevulnerabilitiesareespeciallyapparentwhengettingclosetooneanother.Thus,achievingintimacyisabravebattle,butitisonewellworthfightingfor,eachandeveryday,bothwithinourselvesand,ultimately,withinourrelationships.

Taggedwith: BEINGSINGLE DOWHATYOULOVE FEAROFINTIMACY INTIMACYISSUES LEARNTOLOVE

LIVINGSINGLE MAKINGLOVELAST RELATIONSHIPADVICE RELATIONSHIPISSUES ROMANTICRELATIONSHIPS

WRONGRELATIONSHIPCHOICES

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114 COMMENTS

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January8,2014at1:10pmThomas

Youdorealizethatinthisarticle,earlyonyousaypeopleshouldnotworryaboutsettlingandshoulddatesomeonenicebutforwhomtheyfeelnoattraction,andthenyoulatersaythatpeopleshouldkeeptheirstandardsupandlookforarelationshiptheycanbepassionateabout,andbecarefulnottosettle.

Canyouseehowthismightbeconfusing?

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January30,2014at6:48pmErin

Somepeoplestaysinglebecausetheywantto.Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthanarelationship.Somestaysinglebecasuetheyareforcedtocareforasickparent.Somestaysingletopursuehighereducationorjobsthatwillpreventthemfromfocusingonarelationship.SomestaysinglebecauseofdevotiontoGod.Theresnotreallyanythingonyourlistthatispositive.Andseeingasthoughthedivorceratekeepsclimbing,Ibelieveitscloseto56percent.Youarebetterofftakingyourtimeormakingsureitswhatyouwantratherthanjumpingintoarelationshipsoothersdontthinkyouareweird.

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May8,2014at8:31amIsela

Nicelyworded.Iagree.

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65 1.78k 13

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

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December30,2014at1:31amGaryBrunecz

themostimportantfactorinarelationshipismoney,afterallitisthenumberonereasonfordivorce,youcannotbuylovebutyoucanrentitforawhile.Peoplethatareattractiveareeasiertolove,butoncethatbeautyisgone,goodluck.Peoplehaveatendencytosettleforwhatevertheythinktheycanget.Ifthosepreconceivedfactorswerenotprevalent,thanthereislittlechanceofaloveconnection.Itisreallysadthatpeoplehavetohaveareasontoloveothers.Itiscalledego.Anyonecanloveabeautifulperson,butIdaresomeonetoloveauglypoorpersonwithalowIQ,thisworldisfakeandsoaremostofthepeopleinit.

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January24,2015at11:03pmRichardWinfield

Unfortunate,buttrue.

Reply

February25,2015at3:47amantoinette

NoRichard,ittakesworkonbothsides.Whenonepersonresentsanotherpersontherelationshipfailsmoneyisonlyasymptomofwhattherealreasonisjustlikecheating,overspending,lyingandabuseBothpeoplehavetomakeacommittosomethinggreaterthanthemselvesandthatsthemarriage.Onepersoncantcarryit,ithastobeajointresponsibility.

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March24,2015at3:46amCharles

Sotruenicelysaid,Itotallyagree.

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February13,2015at12:39pmsanjeev

whypeacewhomaybemindedthroughgodasinsokindnesswaygodhasgivetousbelivinginourfamilysomanysmallkidswebornasperthesoleofgodgivethehappinesspeaceandsojoyfulllifeweliveeitherwethink,ourwife,kids,mother,fatherissostrongyoumaybedefinewhyyouarechangethelifeaspergodoraspernowyouthink?

Reply

June7,2015at6:23amdarthpilsner

Yourcommentmakesnosenseatall.AlsoGoddoesntexist.

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February13,2015at12:55pmsanjeev

eitheryoudonttrusttruerelationsmaybesideofgodifyounotdidanydreamyouaredreamlesspersononlyyouthinkaboutyourselfabout

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March9,2015at6:42pmvickiesuggaheddington

WHAT?

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February8,2014at3:24amValbonaHaxha

Erin,

IcouldntstayawayfromreplyingtoyoubecauseyoumadesomestatementsthatIhadthoughtson.

(Somepeoplestaysinglebecausetheywantto.)ButwhydotheyWANTto?Thereisalwaysanunderlyingreason.

(Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthanarelationship.)Likewhat,forexample?

(Somestaysinglebecasuetheyareforcedtocareforasickparent.)Thatdependsonthecircumstances.Inmyculture(inanEuropeancountry),familiestakecareofeachotherevenwhenmarriedorinarelationship.TheydoitTOGETHERtopreserveandbringloveandunitytothefamilyandcommunity.Ifamandoesnotunderstandthat,thentherewouldbenomen.MypointthereAREmenouttherewhowouldbeunderstandingenoughthatyoucareforyoursickparent,andmay

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

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AREmenouttherewhowouldbeunderstandingenoughthatyoucareforyoursickparent,andmayloveandappreciateyouevenmorefordoingso.

(Somestaysingletopursuehighereducationorjobsthatwillpreventthemfromfocusingonarelationship.)IcouldnthelpbutbringupAbrahamMaslowshiearchy.Ashenoted,youcantfulfillthetopofthepyramid(educationispartofit)withoutfulfillingthebottomofthepyramid(Love,selfesteem,effection,belonging,etc).Whathappenswhenyouhaveajobandthenfindoutyouremissingbeingloved?Itcouldmeanyourjobwillstillbethereandprobablyevenbetterperformedwhenyouhavesomeonetherewhogivesyoumuchneededsupport.

(SomestaysinglebecauseofdevotiontoGod.)NotonesingleholybookofGodsworddoesitsayNOTtopursueapartnerandbuildalovingrelationshipand/orfamily.Notasingleone.BeingdevotedtoGodalsomeanssubmittingtohimandhisteachings.

(Theresnotreallyanythingonyourlistthatispositive.)Youreentitledtoyouropinion.Ibelieveitspositive.

(Youarebetterofftakingyourtimeormakingsureitswhatyouwantratherthanjumpingintoarelationshipsoothersdontthinkyouareweird.)Icouldnthavesaiditbetter! Takeyourtime,butdontbescared.Butnohavingalovingrelationshipmeansloving,butweird.Ifpeoplethinkthataboutyou,perhapstheyneedtoreadtheadvicecolumnshere.

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April21,2014at12:02amturbotchuck

(Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthanarelationship.)Likewhat,forexample?

inmycase,mystudies.icanrelatemuchtothisstatementbecauseiexperiencedhavingarelationshipwhilestudying,theemotionalstresstookatollonmeandaffectedmystudies,imaveryemotionalandsensitiveperson,soendingthatrelationshipandandtakingcontrolovermypriorities,inmycase,finishingupmyarchitecturecoursehelpedmealot,andyeahimanarchitectnowandstillsingle,butwhyamistillsingle?thatwouldbeadifferentstorynow.

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December30,2014at4:08amThnkr917

Obviously,youveneverheardofcatholicpriests,Nuns,Monks,etc.Therearealotofpeoplewhostaysingleforreligiouschoices.Therearealotwhostaysingleforpersonalchoicesthatarevalid.Asforme,IstaysinglebecauseIsimplydontlikemyselfinarelationship.Idontlikemakingsillychoices.Idontlikestress.Idontlikegettingdistractedandlettingotherthingsgoinmylife.IresentallthemenIdatedthroughoutmysonschildhoodwhowastedmyprecioustimewithmychild,onlytonotbeveryseriousaboutmeintheendandyeaImaybepunishingafewgoodguysoutthereforthat,butIjustgottiredofthecontinuousinsincerityandbs.Idontlikeputtingmyselfoutthereforthethousandthtimetogetbodyslammedemotionally.MaybeIdohavebigissues,butifIdontgetintoromanticrelationshipsthenitsnotthatobvious.IfunctiononthejobandIcomehometomypetsandmylife.Ispendtimeonoccasionwithfriendsandacquaintances,butnotromanticones.IguessIsimplyusedupeverybitofmydatingenergywhenIwasyoungandstupidandnowIdonthavetheenergy.IalsofearthatifIdateagainImightslidebackintothatterribleunfulfillinglifeIhadwhenIwasyounger,theonewhereIspentallofmyenergyonromanticloveandnoneofitonmyfamilyandmycareerandmyself.OtherthanitbeingkindoflonelyIhaveagoodlifeandIdontwanttorocktheboat.Iromanticinterestwouldhavetostartbysomehowreassuringmethatthepersonwasgoingtomakemylifebettersomehownotupsetit.

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February8,2014at3:27amValbonaHaxha

Meanttowrite,*notweird,onthecoupleofsentences.

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February16,2014at12:09amJulie

Anexcellentarticle.Thankyouforyourinsight.Iwillmakeuseofit.

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February18,2014at2:21amAl

Ilookafteranagedparentmymum.Whatwomenwantsgooutwithaguywholooksafterandliveswithhismum?!Ilived14yearsawayfrommymumandwhencircumstancesforcedmetogobackandlookafterIintendeditwouldbeforabout2yearshowevercircumstancesforvariesreasonsmadefeelobligedtostay.Icertainlydidnotwantto!AlsomyparentsdivorcedwhenIwas24.Myfatherremarriedanddivorcedagainmybrothermarriedadivorceeanddivorced.AllthismademeapprehensivetowardswomenandbecamehighlyselectiveIntheprocesshavebecomeconvincedwouldratherbesinglethanlivewithsomeonewhodidnthavethesamevaluesinterestsoutlookonlifeletalonepersonalityandphysicalattraction.Mybestfemalefriendatthemomentismydog.Shesadventuresslovestoexplorecutefunnyanddoesntknowhowtoaccessmybankaccount.

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

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Shesadventuresslovestoexplorecutefunnyanddoesntknowhowtoaccessmybankaccount.

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February21,2014at2:52amYvette

Thisarticledescribesmesoperfectlyitsabitscary.Ididnotknowallthisaboutmyselfbutitmakessomuchsense,andIfeelempoweredwiththeknowledge.However,nowwhat?IneedpartII.Imcurrenltyintheisolationandroutinestage,thecomfortzone.AndIm50.Iwantadoover!Withthisknowledgeanda20,25oreven30yearoldpersonsoptions,Icouldhavereallychangedmylife,maybegottenmarriedandhadsomekids.Now,notmanyavailablemenmyage,intheseneckofthewoods,whoareinterestedinsomeonemyage,andthekidsarealonggonedream.Imokay.But,sigh,whatcouldhavebeen.(Ilearnedmoreaboutmyselffromthisonearticlethancountlesssessionsfromacoupleofunhelpfultherapists.)

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February21,2014at6:02pmJina@PsychAlive.org

Imsogladyoufoundthisarticleempowering,Yvette!Nowwhat?isagoodquestionYoumightwanttoconsidertakingDr.FirestoneseCourseonCreatingYourIdealRelationship,whichbeginsinacoupleweeks.Dr.Firestoneisgoingtoexpandonalotoftheideasshementionsinthisarticle.

Reply

February22,2014at12:59pmMatt

LoveisagelessYvette.Iknowatonofpeopleinrelationshipswhoarentevenhappyletalonefulfilled.Becarefulwhatyouwishforandpassionateaboutwhatyoualreadypossessandyouwillshineforalltowitness!Bewellandnevergiveup!

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September27,2014at5:50amHema

Im27andthisissome!!!Ihaveaguywhoispursuingmefrom6years!!!AndaguyIknowfromayearwhoIhaveahugecrush(love???Tooscaryeventoadmit)buthemightbedatingsomeone,wealsohaveelectrifyingchemistry!!!Ohandmybestfriendoftenyearsandmeareveryattachedtoeachotherinawaythatresultedinourbreakupswithourrespectivepartnersfewyearsago..wealsohadaflingafterthatforfewmonthsanddecidedwearebetterofffriends..

Imustbeacasestudy.!!Sigh..afterallthismessallIwanttodoistostayhomeandrelax,focusonmyjob,travelandhangoutwithfriends..relationshipisacrazyscarything...

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March19,2014at4:26ameloise

Againabigheapofculturaldosanddonts.Norealoriginalthoughthereanditseemsmorelikepropagandaformonhogami!

Reply

April1,2014at7:56amBandara

Ibecameapartofthatbunchtoo.Iam34maleandstillthinking

Iliketosharemyexperienceswithotherreaderstoo.Forme,Itwas

01.Fearforevenaslightcriticism.Ididmanydifferentjobsduetothesamereason.BecauseIwasnotabletobearit.Asingleword,Look,Reactionmakesmerunawayanditmakesadisasterformeandmyemployertoo.Iamveryinnovativeandyesverysmartemployeeandtheyallknewit.

02.Demandingunlimitedloveandaffection.Thoughiknowitsverybadidea.Lovecannotbeearned.Iamveryaffectionateandtheresnolimits.Itdoesntmeanseverywomenhasthesamecapacitytolove.

03.Beingromantic.Ofcauseromanticpeopletendtobreakeasilyoncetheyfeelandseeotherpersonisnotromanticasheis.Diplomacyworksbetterthanromance.Romanticmenareverysharpandsensitivefrominsidedespiteofhowtheylooklogicalandsmartwhentheywalkaloneinthestreet.

04.Sex.Ifyouaretooenthusiasticandimaginative,becarefulasyourmindisfertile.Itmeanstheideasyouprocessinyourwetfertilemindmaycrazyforyourdrymindedpartnerwhodontunderstandany.Nomatterhowmuchyouloveher.

Ifyouareaknowledgeseeker,youcanreadthebookKeyoflifebyPrashTrivedi.Forabeginner,itmaybetooadvanced.Butitsworthreading.

Thanks!

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July19,2014at7:08pmDan

Iam36andneverhadagirlfriend.(No.Iamnotgay)Justthethoughtoffindingsomeone,tosettledown,tohaveafamilynevercrossesmymind.

Ivealwaysbeenaloner.IdontplaywithclassmateswhenIwasyoung.Idontkeepintouchwithfriends,colleaguesoutsidework.Ineverseeaneedto.

Theworlddoesntgettodecidewhatmakemehappy.Idontneedtobewithsomeonetobehappy.

IamasinglebecauseIchoosetobe.IamalonebutIamnotlonely.

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May23,2015at12:02pmRosamundForbes

IlikeyourcommentDanverytrue.Ithinkthetroublewithmanypeopletheywanteveryonetobethesameandsometimeswhenyoudontsubscribetotheiropinionstheythinkyouareanoutsider.Iwasmarriedforover40yearsandgotdivorcedlastyear.Inowmovedandstartedanewlifeinadifferentarea.JoinedlocalactivitiesandclubswhichIgotomostdays.MywellbeingandmentalhealthasimprovedandIfeel20yearsyounger.Youmustlifeyourlifethewayyouthinkfitnoteveryonewantstosubscribetomainstreamviewsandlifestyles.Goodluckwithyourlifegoodhealthandhappiness.

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July21,2014at7:41amsourabhkashyap

Iwanttoremainsinglebecauseihavebeencheatedplusiamareligiousguy..Andnowadaysnogirlisreligious,theyarejustimmaturewholovetoboozeandsleepingaroundbeforemarriage.Andiamvirginandcelibate.

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April12,2015at4:16amIloovatar

Yep,typicalIndianmalementalitymindset.Youjustwantaperfectgirl(naari)todropontoyourlapwithoutmovingamuscle.Datingisnotforinsecuremen.Dontworryyourmomwillchooseanicedaughterinlaw(bahu)forherself.

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July21,2014at7:48pmaaqib

iamsinglebecausemytoppriotityismycareer.

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July31,2014at1:31amSnowdora

Andforsomepeoplelovemeanssomethingelse,liketheircareer,andtilltheendtheyarejusthappythatway.Butthesepeoplereallydontwonderaboutsuchtopicsandprobablywontreadthisarticle.Lol.

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August19,2014at11:49amutfull

Isthiscontentcopiedfromhereortheycopiedfromyoursite?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassionmatters/201311/8reasonsyoumightstillbesingle

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August19,2014at9:41pmPsychAlive

Dr.FirestonesarticlesareoftenpublishedonbothPsychologyTodayandPsychAlive.

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August27,2014at3:57amJoAnna

Imnumbers2,3,and4.Sowhatnow?Thisisntthefirsttimetoread/identifymyfearsandactions.ThequestioniswhatcanIdotochangeandhow?

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10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 8/23

August30,2014at8:26pmTheRealAnswer

WellicertainlydoblameGodformysingleness,andineveraskedforGodtoputmeonthisrottenearthtobeginwith.Lonelinessisnofunatall,andwhenyourfriendsaresettleddownwiththeirownlifewhichmakesitworseforus.Iwasmarriedatonetimewhichiwasaverygoodlovingandcaringhusband,anditwasntgoodenoughforher.Hardtomeetagoodwomanagainformanyofusmenthatreallyhatebeingaloneandsingle,especiallysincetherearentthatmanygoodwomenouttherenowadays.

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October25,2014at5:59pmlilla

Ihavethesameviewbutaboutmen.Myexhusbandalcoholicgambler.Myfirstexpartnerdumpedmeforayoungeroneandleftmewithhisdebtstopay.Thatonetrulybrokemyheart.Mysecondandlastexpartnerabusedmeverballyandphysically.Hestolethingsfrommewhenleaving.ImtiredTherearenodecentmensoIstoppedlooking.Feelinglonely?..very.Riskagain?No.

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December30,2014at2:01amGaryBrunecz

themostimportantfactorinarelationshipismoney,afterallitisthenumberonereasonfordivorce,youcannotbuylovebutyoucanrentitforawhile.Peoplethatareattractiveareeasiertolove,butoncethatbeautyisgone,goodluck.Peoplehaveatendencytosettleforwhatevertheythinktheycanget.Ifthosepreconceivedfactorswerenotprevalent,thanthereislittlechanceofaloveconnection.Itisreallysadthatpeoplehavetohaveareasontoloveothers.Itiscalledego.Anyonecanloveabeautifulperson,butIdaresomeonetoloveauglypoorpersonwithalowIQ,thisworldisfakeandsoaremostofthepeopleinit.

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December30,2014at2:14amGaryBrunecz

Iunderstandhowyoufeel,Justrememberlooksarethenumberonereasonpeoplebecomeattractedtoeachother,nextofcourseismoney,soifyouhaveacollegedegreeandagreatpayingjobyouwillneverbelonelyagain,mostwomenarelookingforthesefactors,inadditiongotothegymandgetingreatshape,allthesethingswillincreaseyourchancesofsomewomanlikingyou,Itisconsideredatradeoff,yougetwhatyouwantandtheygetwhattheywant.Hanginthere,lifeisnotfairanditisnotourfaultthatgodallowssomepeopletobeblessedwithlooksandotherstobeugly.

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March3,2015at5:13ammikedelisi

buddyiunderstand,iminmy50slook10yearsyoungerandcantmeetwomen,itslikeiminvisibleimverylonelyverydepressedandverysad,icryallthetime.womanclosetomyagedontevenrespondtome,ijustdontwanttobealone.

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March11,2015at2:45amlucy

Itotallyunderstandhowufeel.Ivebeenthere.Myvicewasbingeeating.Thatshowicopedwithallmyanxietyanddepression.Ivebeenseeongatherapistfor3years,andshehashelpedmefromhellandbacktwice.Imnowmakinganefforttoliveahealthylifestylementally,andphysically.1struleistobekindtoyourself.Weareourworstenemy.Startjournalingtoletyourangerout.Nowihavelessangerdyetojournalingand2milewalkseveryday.Ifeelatpeacewithmyselfandfinallyvaluemylife.Hanginthereyouwillgetit,justtalktoyourdoctorandbehonesttowardsyourself.Ihadtoletsomepeopleknowhowifelt,itwasnteasybutyouwillgetthecouragetoeliminatewhatstoxicinyourlife

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April15,2015at8:02pmSeysha

Therearegoodwomenoutthere.Iamone.ItsarealshameIvenotmetamanyet.

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May24,2015at8:39pmRoy

Iminthesameboatasyouok.

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10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 9/23

September27,2014at9:22amanon

myageistoooldforbeinginarelationship,ibelieveyoucaneasilydateonlywhenyouagegrouphaveabigdatingpool,anditdependsthecountrywhereyoucomefrom.Whereilivepeoplearoundtheirlatethirtiesandtheirearlyfortiesarealreadysettledormarried,separatedordivorced,(idontlikeseperatedordivorcedforarelationshipsorry,ithinkyouhavetobeafooltoacceptthemimo),soitsalsonoteasytogetagoodfriendbecausetheyarealltakenbyhusbands,letaloneahusband.youcangivemeanadvicetotravel,butihavenofriendstotravelwith,itsnotgoodtogooutalone,mostpeopleonlygiveyouattentioniftheyseeyouinapeergrouporwithtwoormorefriends.howevermyparentsarealsoagainsttravelling.theygetmadifitellthemimgoingsomewhere.alsoidontgooutmuhandifyoudontgooutagainyourchancesofmeetingsomeoneisfarmorerestrictedthananyonewhogoesoutduringeventsorwithfriends.Yesigooutbecauseihavetogoouttowork,imeetdifferentpeopleinthatareabecauseiworkasataxcollectorandacashier.stillibelieveitsnotenoughalthoughsomeofmycolleaguesmettheirsignificantotherat

theirjob,justlikemyfriendT(onlyhernameinitial)shehastwosons.iamconstantlybotheredwhyiamchiildlessandisaidilikepets,andiamconstantlyinterviewedlikepaparazziaboutmys..lifeorwhyiamchildlessitmakesmesadotherscommentedbeingsadandlonelllyaboutsingles,andthatstheyarebeingaskedallthetimewhy?itslikehavingacancerinsocietyitmakesmesingledout,althoughimtheonlysinglethere..itellthemthattherightpersonhasntcomeyet,andigetanswersthenhowlongishegoingtotake..itssostupidhavingtoanswerallthatstuff,howeverthisisnotbeingaskedtomycolleagues.ifpeopledonotcometoaskyousomestupidquestionsyourlifewouldbegreatbutunfortunatelywwepeoplegetallthesequestionsan9hourshavingtolistentothemisnojokeitsnotmyfaultiamsingle,ithappenedtobelikethat,wheniwasateenagerandatschool/collegeihadfriends,andiusedtogooutwitmybestfriendandhangedoutwithherduringlateeveningsuntilshefoundherman,thenideciededtojoinayouthfellowship,foundfriendsdidthesame,butfoundtheirsignificantotherandyouknowwhentheyfindtheirmatetheyleaveyouthisisthecircleoflife,peopleseekfriendswhentheyhavefoundtheirhubbytheystopseeingfriends.andseeonlyfewatmyagearestillinthefriendsstage..iwouldbehappyalonebutiwouldliketohavefriendstogoouttopartywith.itshardtofindatmyagethatstheproblem.secondlythosecommentsigetfrompeoplewithfamilyeverydayareveryhurtful.

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October8,2014at7:26pmCarolO

Ihavenowbeenalonefor36years.Why?BecauseIwanttobe.IwasmarriedbeforeplusinrelationshipsbutImuchrathercookifIfeellikeit,eatwhatandwhenIwant,sitatthecomputeralldayifIwantandnothavetoprytheTVremotefromamansfingerstowatchaprogramthatIlike!Igetthereclinerorthecouch,IgettosleepinthemiddleofthebedandIcanleavemypajamasonalldayifIwant.Andthebestpartisnothavingtolistentoanyonesoultalkingaboutthemselvesalldaylong.

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October12,2014at1:09pmNick

Welltherearemanyofusmenouttherethatreallyhatebeingaloneandsinglewhichdoesmakeusthemuchweakersex,whereasmanywomenwillalwaysbethemuchstrongersexsinceitreallydoesntbotherthematall.Iwouldcertainlylovetomeetagoodwomanforacompanionshipwhichwouldbenice,andyoudonthavetogetmarriedsinceyoucanstillloveeachothertobetogether.

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December30,2014at2:15amGaryBrunecz

Iunderstandhowyoufeel,Justrememberlooksarethenumberonereasonpeoplebecomeattractedtoeachother,nextofcourseismoney,soifyouhaveacollegedegreeandagreatpayingjobyouwillneverbelonelyagain,mostwomenarelookingforthesefactors,inadditiongotothegymandgetingreatshape,allthesethingswillincreaseyourchancesofsomewomanlikingyou,Itisconsideredatradeoff,yougetwhatyouwantandtheygetwhattheywant.Hanginthere,lifeisnotfairanditisnotourfaultthatgodallowssomepeopletobeblessedwithlooksandotherstobeugly.

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October14,2014at3:16amromantic_believer

HiThere:

Iama34yearoldsingleguy.IamEastIndian.IthinkmyculturehasalottodowithwhyIamsingle.Istilltalkwithanaccent,andImrathershort54,slightlyoverweight,slightlybaldingatthetopandwearglasses.Iam34butmanypeoplethinkIlooklikeIm40.Ithinkthesephysicalattributesarehugeturnoffsforwomenandthatswhytheyarejustnotattractedtome.

Iamparticularlyattractedtowhitewomen(blondhair,blueeyes,orblackhair,browneyes).AlsolikeEastIndian/SouthAmerican(Hispanic)/EuropeanandAsianwomen.IamnotattractedtoblackwomenunlesstheyhavethatmulattolooklikeZoeSaldana.Sorry,nooffensetoblackwomen.Iguessbeautyisskindeep.

Ialsoliveinasmalltownwheretherearefewsinglewomen.Manyofthesesinglewomenhavechildrenandtheirboyfriends/husbandshavedumpedthem.Tome,asinglewomanwhohaschildrenrepresentsextrabaggageinarelationship.ImnotsureIwouldwanttobeinarelationshipwithawomanwhoalreadyaschildrenbyanotherman.IlovechildrenbutIdratherthembemyown.IguessIamabitpickyonthetypeofpartnerIdesire.SinceIamwelleducated,Iwouldlikea

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 10/23

guessIamabitpickyonthetypeofpartnerIdesire.SinceIamwelleducated,Iwouldlikeawomanwhoisalsowelleducated(universitymaterial).Tome,childrenbehaveandareraisedbetter,whenthemotheriswelleducatedandemphasizeslearninginthehome.

IdontreallyletallthesenegativeattributesandcircumstancesgetmedownandItrytothinkofallthepositivethingsIhavedonewithmylifesofar.IhavethreeuniversitydegreesandIhaveawonderfuljobthatpaysmeverywell.WithwhatIearn,IhavebeenabletotraveltomanydifferentcountriesthatmanyofmycolleagueshavenotbeenabletoandIhavebeenthankfultoGodfor

everythinghehasgivenme.Ihavealsotriedtobemoreproactiveandgetinvolvedwithdifferentthingsinmycommunity.IvejoinedToastmasters,IamamemberoftheKnightsofColumbus,Ihavealsojoinedthelocalbadmintonclub.IamalsoplanningtojoinkarateanddosomeboxingandsomeetmorepeopleinthecommunitythatIwouldnotnormallymeet.

Ivealsotriedonlinedatingtonoavail.Ihavesentmanymessagestoatleast50womenandIgottwoemailsback.Itseemsthewomenjustlookatyourprofileanddontrespondback.Ithinkitisonlycommoncourtesyforthesewomentoreplybackafteryouhaveemailedthem.Iftheyarenotinterestedinyourprofile,theyshouldatleasttypeaonelinerandletyouknow.Sometimesthisreallygetsmedown,Ifeelfrustratedandneedtoventtosomeone.Icantventtocolleaguesatworkbecausetheyaremostlywomenandtheygossip,themalesIworkwithareallmarriedandtheyjustdontlisten.Alsoafraidtotalktomyparents,astheyareabitjudgemental.

IhavelookedatthisarticleandrecognizethatperhapsImtoopicky,maybehavelowselfesteemandmaybemyculturalandpersonalbeliefsarereasonswhyIamstillsingle.LookingforanyfurthersuggestionsasIwouldreallyliketosettledownandbeahappilymarriedmaninalongtermrelationship.

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November8,2014at6:15pmBill

Youseemlikeagoodmanlikealotofthegoodmenouttherethatarestillsingle.Iamgoingtotellyousomethingthatmosthereoranywheredonotwanttoadmit.Thatis,somepeoplearejustnotmeanttohaveapartner.Itisliketheanimalkingdomwerethealphaanimalsgetthefemales.Womenaredrivenbyanaturaldesiretobewiththealphamales.

Factofthematteristhisifyouarenotlookingforaplainlooking,chubbywoman,youarenotevergoingtogetmarried.Goodlookingwomenwantattractivemen.Iamnottryingtobemeanjuststatingthetruth.

Itooameducated,financiallyset(oneblessingfromverylittledatingorwomeninmylife),pleasantpersonality,andeverygirlsbestfriendatwork.However,Ialwaysgetturneddownondatesfromsinglewoman(whethertheybefromwork,grocerystore,online,etc)becauseIamnotgoodlooking,somewhatchubby,andbalding.

Iam35andhavejustaboutthrowninthetoweloneverfindinglove.IfindthatsinglewomanmyageareevenmoredisgruntledaboutbeingsinglethanIam.MostImeethavealsogivenupandprefertojustbesingleintheircomfortzone.Iamabouttheremyself.Also,IamlessmotivatedtofindsomeoneasIgetolderbecausejustasIamgettingmoreunattractivewithage,soareallthemiddleagedwomen.IamjustlessattractedtothemandrefusetobewithsomeoneIamnotattractedto.So,withthatsaid,Icannotbebitteraboutthefactthatwomenarenotattractedtome.Unfortunately,theprettyonesdontgivemeasecondlook.Thatislifemyfriend.

IfindcomfortineverythingelseIhaveaccomplishedandtrulyfeelthatyouhavetomakepeacewiththesituationandfocusinsteadonthepositiveaspectsofyourlife.Ihavealottobehappyabout.Iamveryluckyinmanyotherways.IthankGodforthat.

Irecentlygotaboxer(dog)andsheisagreatcompanion.Shelovesmeunconditionally,wantstohangoutwithme,waitsbythedoorformetocomehomewhenIamoutofthehouse,andcannotaccessmybankaccount.

Iretirefromthemilitaryin4years,havesavedsincetheageof16andhavestartedconstructiononmydreamhome.Onceretired(@age40),Iwillspendtherestofmylifeindulginginmyhobbies.Itwouldbenicetohaveawomentoshareitallwith,butImoveforwardhappyregardless.Moveforward.Findyourhappiness.Focusonthepositives.

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May4,2015at3:04pmIsabel

Didyoueverfindyourlifebuddy?

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December30,2014at4:35amThnkr917

Itcouldalsobethatyousoundveryshallowandcontradictyourselfwithwhatyouwant.Ifyouwantprettyblondewhitewomenwithauniversitydegree,theyarenotgoingtowanttostayhomeandmakesurethechildrenarewelleducatedathomeasyouindicated.Thisisactually2014not1914.ThisisexactlywhyImsingle,toomuchofthis.

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February3,2015at8:01pmRealityCheck

ManyofyouwomennowadaysjustDontknowhowtoCommittojustOnemananymoreandlikedatingdifferentmenallthetime,soitishardformanyofusmenthatareveryseriouslylookingtosettledownsincemostwomenjustliketogooutandpartyallthetime.

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10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 11/23

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October14,2014at5:45amAnonymous

Thisisaveryinterestingarticle.Ihaveneverbeenmarriedandmyparentsaredivorcedandnotthegreatestparentsever.HoweverIhavehadlovingexperienceswithotherrelativesandrelationshipsandIfeelawareenoughtorejecttheunfortunaterolemodelsandtrytoembracelove.MyexperienceasamiddleagedwomanisthatIamalittleburntoutaftertryingforsolong.Ihatetosaythis,butasabeautifulheterosexualfemaleIfeelthatmostofthemenmyagearesojadedthattheyareseriouslynotopentohavingarelationship.Period.Iamakind,lovingandenergeticwoman.ThemenaresofulloffearIamrejectedasaspinster,toooldandsoon.Ibelievethisistheirprojectionoftheirlastfailedrelationshipthattheyhavereallynotresolved.Mylastrelationshipwassodevastatingitisnotsurprisingthatanyonewouldbecutoffafterfailingsomanytimes.IneverthoughtIwouldfeelthiswaymyself,butIgetsomuchbadfeedback,Icantseethepointofputtingmyselfoutthere.YoucannotbelievetheunkindthingsIhaveheardfromgrownmen.Theseguyshaveissues.Ihavehadtoendmanyconversationsjusttoprotectmyself.Manyofushavebeenhurt,andsomehavenofeelingwhatsoeverthattheyshouldatleastbekindtooneanother.Theyreallydocontinuetoblametheirparents.AsIsaid,Ihave2difficultparents.IlearnedfromtheirconducthowIdonotwanttoact.Somepeopleseemtouseitasashieldoranexcusefortheirbadbehavior.Thereissuchastereotypeagainstsinglemiddleagedwomenthathaveeverbeenmarried.Theseguysreallyhavenointerestinclaimingtheirmanhood.Iamsofrightenedofgoingoutthesedaysinaccountofthecruelthingsmensay.Theyhaveseriousproblems.Hatetosayit,butIblamethemen.Stuckinthepastandhostilitytowardsmiddleagedwomenistheirunresolvedissueswithanothergirlorfailuretomovefromtheexcuseoftheirdysfunctionalfamily.Andiftheyareseriouslyinterestedinremainingsingle,whycouldtheynotatleastbecordialtothesingleladies.Thesemenhavenomanners.WhywouldIgoouttogetroughedupbyignorantmen.IwouldneversaytheunkindthingsIhaveheardoutofthemouthsofpeopleinsocialsettings.Whatevertheirissuesorpreference,theylacksocialgraces.Kindmannersgoaverylongwaytomakingthingsmoveinapositivedirection.Ihavemetaffluent,educatedpeoplewithoutashredofsocialgrace.Thesepeopleshouldreallystayathome.Really.

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October15,2014at6:02amromantic_believer

DearMs.Anonymous:

IamsorrytohearaboutyoursituationwithmenandIfullyempathizewithyou.Itsgreatyouhaveasupportnetworkofrelativeswhoyoucantalkto,aswell,sinceyouhavealukewarmrelationshipwithyourparents.

Donttakeittoopersonalwitheverymiddleagedmanyourage.Justbecausethemenyouhavemetarerudeandinconsiderate,itdoesnotmeanthatallmenarelikethat.Ibelievethatthereissomeoneoutthereforyou.Justasthereissomeoneoutthereforme.Justhope,prayandhavefaith.Neverevergiveup.

Therearetwothingstoconsiderifyouwanttobeinarelationship,seriously:

1)Peopleyoulovewhodonotloveyouback2)Peopleyouarenotcrazyaboutbutwholoveyou.

Ratherthanfocusingtoomuchonpeoplewhodonotreturnyourlove,focusonthosepeoplewholoveyou,onesyouarenottoocrazyaboutandonesyouwouldnotnormallyconsider.Thatshowyouwillfindtruehappiness.Findingloveislikemarketingyourproductinabusiness.Ifamanwhostartedabusinesscharged100dollarsforhisproductandtherewere1or2customers,hewouldhavetolowerhispricefortheproduct,sohewouldhavemorecustomers.Likewise,youmayneedtoloweryourexpectationsoftheidealmanforyou.

Inreality,thereisnoidealmanoutthere.Yes,therearementhatlookattractiveontheoutside,buttheyarerudeandobnoxiousinside.Theymarry,latergettiredofthewoman,thendivorceandlaterfindanotherwoman.Theyappearhappyontheoutsidebuttheyareneverreallysatisfiedinside.

Then,thereistheoverweightmiddleaged,slightlybaldingguy.Hemightnotseemphysicallyattractivetoyou,buthemighthaveaheartofgold,beatruegentleman.Youbypasshim,yethemakesyoulaugh.Youcaneasilytalktohim.Heisnotjudgementalassomeofthoseattractiveguysandhesimplyadoresyou.Youneedtoconsiderhimseriouslyasyourfuturepartnerbecausewithhimyouwillfindhappinessforlife.

Alsoyouneedtogetyourselfoutthere.Joinclubswhereyoumeetothermiddleagedpeople.Takeupahobby.If70and80yearoldscanfindlove,thensocanyou.Justnevergiveup.

Hopethishelps.

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October15,2014at2:56pmRon

Welliwascertainlyraisedbyverygoodparents,andsomanywomentodaywereraisedbyverybadparents.Wellmostofthemwereiwouldsaysincetheirparentsdontgiveadamn

whattheydonow.Thegoodolddayswerecertainlythebestsincemanymenandwomenhadtoreallystruggletomakeendsmeat,sowomenhadnochoicesincetheyhadtoaccepttheirmenforwhotheywerewhenbothmenandwomenhadnomoneytobeginwithwhichmanymenandwomenhadtolivewiththeirparents.Thatisagoodreasonwhymarriageslastedaverylongtime,andourparents,grandparents,auntsanduncleshadverylongmarriagesbackthen.Todaymanywomenareveryhighmaintenance,andveryspoiledtoosincetheyreveryindependentanddontneedamantosurvive.Womentodaywontsettleforlesssinceitisallaboutmoneyforthemwhichtheywillneveracceptamanforhimselfanymore.Sosincethetimeshavechanged,sohavethewomenwhichcertainlyexplainswhytherearesomanyofussinglementoday.

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 12/23

explainswhytherearesomanyofussinglementoday.

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December30,2014at4:58amThnkr917

Youcontradictedyourself.Arewespoiledanddontneedamantosurviveorisitallaboutthemoney.Beingawoman,itisfarfromallaboutthemoneysinceImakemoremoneythanmostofthemenImeet.MysisterinlawmakesslightlymoremoneythanmybrotheranditsthebestrelationshipIveeverwitnessed.MostofthewomenIknowmakemoremoneythanthementheyareinrelationshipswith.Wemaybeguiltyofnotneedingamantosurvive,butwearentallaboutthemoney.Manyofusareaboutallthoseotherthingsagoodmancanprovidesuchassupport,companionship,physicalintimacy,love,loyalty,family.ThegoodoledaysyouspeakofdidntfacilitatehappymarriagesitjustfacilitatedpeoplestayinginmiserablesituationsforfinancialreasonslikemyabusedGrandmotherandherchildrenwhoonlyescapedthathellbecausemygrandfatherhadthedecencytodieearlyandthentheygothungryinsteadofabused.Shecouldhavemarriedthenextsuitorsoherkidscouldeat,butsherefusedtogodownthatroadagain.Itakegreatoffensetoanysuggestionthatwomenandtheirchildrenshouldbeputinthatsituationagainjustsosomemencanhavetheiregosrubbed.Thosegoodoledayswerentsogreatforthemeneitherwouldyoureallywanttobesaddledwithawomanwhohatesyouandonlysleepswithyouandstayswithyoubecauseshehasto?ItdoesntsoundlikeagreatlifeforanyoneacceptArielCastroorWarrenJeffs

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February3,2015at3:01amSeriouslySpeaking

Allihavetosayis,wherearetherealgoodoldfashionedwomenlikeweoncehad?

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October19,2014at5:40amAaron

thentherearepeoplelikemewhochoosenottobeinarelationship,becauseasihavesaidbeforerelationshipsarejuststressandidontdealwellwithstress.

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December30,2014at5:00amThnkr917

Exactly.

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October31,2014at5:42pmMike

VeryTrueStory.Mycousinwenttoasinglesdancewithhisfriendmanyyearsagoandsawthisgirlthathewasveryattractedtowhichhesaidtohisfriendthatsomedayiwillmarryher.Wellhereallydidandnowtheyrestartingtheir43rdyeartogetherwithtwogrownboyswhichtheoldestsonismarriedwithhisowndaughtertoo,andmycousinisnowagrandfather.AndGodpunishesmanyofusSinglemenandwomenthatwouldhadcertainlywantedthesamething.GoFigure.

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November2,2014at6:44amDale

Oneverygoodreasonmanymiddleagedmenarecynicalandjadedaboutrelationshipsisthefinancialruinthatmanygothroughaftertheirpartnerfilesfordivorce.Roughlythreequartersofdivorcesareinitiatedbywomen.Aftergoingthroughit,Ijustsayneveragainoverandovertomyself.Allthelonelinessintheworldisfarmorepreferabletomethanthewreck.Istillwearmyring,notasareminderofthepastrelationshipbutrather,asadeterrent.Muchtothedismayofmostofmyfriendsandfamily,Ihavedecidedthatstayingsingleisafarbetterchoiceforme.Totheanonymouswriterabove,divorcecourtiswhymanymenarerightfullycynicalandjaded.

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November8,2014at6:21pmBill

Dale,

Mybrotherjustwentthroughanastydivorce.Asyoustated,youarenotalone.Storieslikeyoursandmybrothersmakemefeelabitbetteraboutnevergettingmarried.Goodluckgoingforward.

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November16,2014at1:29amLee

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 13/23

IwasdoingasearchwhyamIalone?Readingthisarticleandcommentsremindedmeofwhy.Ifindmyselfgoingthroughlongerandlongerphasesofloneliness,terribleloneliness.Ihavealotofwomenfriendsanddosocializewiththemduringtheweek,butnightsandweekendsarereservedfortheirfamilies(husbands,childrenandgrandchildren).Iamkindoftheirtouchstonetoanotherlife,thesinglemiddleagedwomanfriend.Ipassedupmarriageforacareerthatneverreallymaterialized.NochildrenalthoughIdidwanttohavechildren.Idontwantapitypartyformyselfandmychoices.Ijustwanttosaytoallofyouwhohavebeenbrokenorrejected,dontgiveup.Iwasengagedtobemarriedinmy30sanditwasntthebestmatch.Ishouldhavecutmylossesandmovedonbutwespentyearstryingtobefriends.WhyIaskmyself?Ishouldhavestarteddatinginaseriousway,butinsteadIcloseddownandreallygaveup.Iam53nowandIlookbackandseeclearlyhowIpasseduptryingandbeingopentofindingahusbandandfatherforthechildrenIwantedandthefamilylifeIwanted.Iamveryaloneandnooneinmylifereallyknowshowalone.Mymarriedfriendshavenocluehowdifficultitistodatenow.IwouldratherkeepmylonelinesstomyselfandfillmytimewhenIamnotworkingwithmyinterests.Justsaying,dontdowhatIdiddontgiveuponlove,marriage,family.

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November16,2014at3:41pmSallysmith

IamsinglebecausemenImeetanddatejustwantsexandarenotseriousaboutcommitment.NomatterwhereImeetmenthesedaysitseemsthatsalltheywant.hardtofindamanthatwantsonewomenandaseriouscommitment

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November27,2014at6:06amBarb

YesIthinkwehaveporntothankformensattitudethatitstheirgodgivenrighttohavesexandnotgiveanythingbacksotiredofmenaskingforsexallthetime.getalifeguys!Wearehumanbeingsfirstbuttheydontseemtogetthat

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December12,2014at12:35pmJoey

hmmmitsinterestingthatimamanandifeeltheexactsameway.althoughidontblamepornorgeneralizeagenderlikeyoudo.Iwatchpornonceinawhilebutistillwanttospoilsomonewithloveandaffection.Ievenconsidermyselfattractivetoobutseemsnobodywantscommitmentthesedays.Mylastpartnerimadeclearmyfeelings.itseemedinmyeyeswehadchemistryandmanythingsincommonthatweenjoyedtogether.andshecontinuallycouldntmakeuphermindifshewantedtobewithmeornot(wedidhavenightsofsexrandomly,whichneverledanywhere).Evenaftersexitriedmanysweetgesturestowinherovertonoavail,istayedwithherwhensheneededmeandtriedtomakeherlaughandhappy,alwaysrespectedherfeelings.Thenwhenifinallygaveupandstoppedtryingwemetupagain3monthslaterwhileshehadanewbfthatshedecidedtocomeoutandtellmeabout,ididntask.Isaidcongratsandcontinuedmywork.Samenightsheshowedupanhourlatertoaskifiwantedtomakeoutafterimoffwork.Ilookedatherwithmybrokenheartandjustwalkedawaysayingnothing.Sheclaimstomyoldfriendsshehadtoomanyboozethatnight.Ireallyreallydespisetheiwassodrunkexcuse.butyeaimveryyoungstillonly23butimscaredtoeveropenupagain.Everyrelationshipvebeeninwasverysimiliar.Justpeopletakingmyloveforgrantedandmegettingfedupwithitovertime.

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December21,2014at7:11pmd

Ihavebeeninaverysimilarsituation(mebeinginyourshoes)anditreallysucks!Iunderstandbeingscaredtoopenupagain.Itsnotacceptablehowpeoplecanusesomeoneelsesfeelings.

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November16,2014at11:02pmadam

Imstillsinglebecauseimnotgoodenoughforanythingbutheyatleastimgoodforsomethingbeingcalledrudenamestomakemyfriendslookgood

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November26,2014at2:38amRacicot.net

.Guys,ifyouarereadingthis.cutthecrap..onceyouloseyourcompetitiveedgeandmanhood,itsover.Youshouldntwanttosettleandbepassiveandsubmissivetoawomanitstheworldtoday,notyou!Keepdoingyourthing.Stickbehindyourbeliefsandwhatyoudoandbelieveinyourself.Oneday,awomanwillseethatandbeattractedtothequalitiesshesees.Ifyoudontlikeyourselfandyourposition,thandosomethingaboutit.Changeyourjob,workout,getmanicures,etc..heck,whatever.Butdontquitbeingaman.Havesomeba**sandstickyourchestout.Stopoveranalyzingwhyyouaresingleandwhyyouthinkwomendontlikeyou.Itsnottheydontlikeyou.theyjustdontlikewhattheysee,soCHANGEIT.

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 14/23

you.theyjustdontlikewhattheysee,soCHANGEIT.

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November28,2014at1:03pmJun

Idontknowifyourebeingserioushere,buthaveyouatleastreadthearticletilltheend?Somereallyattractiveandnicemenstaysingleorfaileveryoneoftheirrelationshipsbecauseofthestuffthatwasexplainedhere.Sometimeslooksaretheissue,butnotalways.AsfarasIknow,Ieventhinkselfesteemismoreofanissue(workingoutandstuffasyousaidcanhelpimproveit,butpeople,meincluded,shouldabovealllearntoloveandaccemptthemselves).

Nobodyshouldbepassiveandsubmissiveinarelationship,soIdontgetwhyyoureonlyaddressingmenhere.Nooffensebutyousoundedextremelymachoman.

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December2,2014at11:21pmSeriouslySpeaking

Manypeoplestaysinglebecausetheydontwanttheresponsibilityofbeinginacommittedrelationship,andjustwouldwantthegoodlifesinceitismuchCheaperthatway.

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December3,2014at8:47pmAnonymous

Icoulddoallofthethingsyousay(becauseIusedto)andendupwithasuperficial,stupidandannoyingwifethatIhavenolovefor.Thereasonpeoplearehereisnotbecausetheycouldnotfindaspouse,butbecausetheycouldntfindsomeonewholovedthemorlovedthembackwhentheymadeanefforttolovesomeone.

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May24,2015at2:18pmISpeakTheTruth

WellthentherearemanyofusGoodmenouttherethatarecertainlyNotsinglebychoiceandwishthatwecouldvemetaGoodwomantosettledownwithtohaveafamily,andyearsagothereweremuchEasiermethodsformenandwomentoConnectwithoneanotherwiththehelpofmanyfriendsandfamilythatwouldintroduceyoutosomeonethatwouldvebeenrightforyou.Todaythetimesarecertainlymuchdifferentthanitwasbackthen,anditdefinitelywassomuchmoreEasierfindingloveatthattime.TherearereallyNogoodplacestogoanymoresincetheyhadsingleclubsotherthanthebarscenewithoutdrinking,andtheyhadalotofchurchdanceforsinglestoo.Wellthatcertainlyexplainswhyourparents,grandparent,auntsanduncleshaditmucheasieratthetime,andmanyofthemarestilltogetherasispeak.

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December6,2014at5:10amabbie

Howsadaremanyoftheresponses.Ihadallthoseexcuses(andmore)whenIwassingle,andstubborn,andpickyand(Ithought)happilysingle.ThenImetmynowhusbandandcannowstudy,andwork,andcareformyfamilyandpetsandgoonholidaysandwithfriendsandstillhavealovingcomfortablehomelifetocomehometo.Myhusbandsharesallthatwithme,andmakeslife(andalloftheabove)infinitelyeasier.Sononeofthosearevalidreasons.Ifyourlifebecomesmoremiserablewithsomeoneinyourlifethenleavethembutdontwastetimesayingyoudonthavetimeforarelationshipbecauseyouarestudying!Someonewhotrulylovesyouwillwaitwhileyoudoyourhomeworkeachnight,surely?

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December9,2014at11:28pmInsidious_Sid

TheresanotherreasonIcanthinkof.WhenfacedwiththewholetoLTRornottoLTRthing,onemightlookatitobjectivelyandjustdoasimple*costbenefitanalysis*.Ifapersontrulybelievesthatarelationshiptakeswaymoretime,energyandresourcesthatitsultimatelyworth,theymightdecidetothrowinthetowel,dotheirownthing,andhaveotherkindsofrelationshipswithpeopleotherthanpairbond/committed/LTRtyperelationships.Otherpeoplethinktheywillvanishorselfcombustiftheyarenotinarelationship,andwilltrytobeinonenomatterwhatthecostis.Somepeoplemightactuallybedestinedtobesingle,butjustdontknowityet!

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December11,2014at1:20amBryanMitchell

ThiswasoneofthebestarticlesonthissubjectIhavereadinalongtime.Ifounditbrilliantlyinsightfulandilluminating.Then,afterhavingreadseveralofthecommentswrittenbymyfellowreaders,Iwasamazedbythenegativitysomanysingletonspossess.SeemstometheirDEFENSESareonstrong,anditremindedmehowsetinourways(comfortzones)somanyofusare.Peoplefeelthispeculiarneedtodefendtheirchoicesforbeingsingle,forstayingsingle,and,worseyet,theyactuallyseemaggravatedbecausetheirreasonsforbeingsinglewereeithernotmentioned

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 15/23

theyactuallyseemaggravatedbecausetheirreasonsforbeingsinglewereeithernotmentionedhereornotemphasizedenoughtotheirliking.Ifindthisexceptionallyironicfortworeasons:1)Thisarticlewasnotmeanttobeallencompassingthatis,itofferedonlysomereasonseight(8)tobeexactwhypeopleOFTENstaysingle,makingitcrystalclearthatthesereasonsdoNOTnecessarilyapplytoEVERYONEand,2)Ifsomepeoplefeelsoauthenticallycomfortableandjustifiedandhappywiththeirchoicesforremainingsingle,thenwhydidtheytakethetimetoseekoutthisarticle,readit,andthencommentonit?Iguesssometimestakinourmedicinetastesprettybad,eh?Haha.:))

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December14,2014at10:17amTysonS.

OnethingthatmakesitimpossibleformetodateisthatIneverjumponthechancetohaveaninteractionwithawoman.Heresthething:nobodyneedsyou.Theyneedsomebody,butnobodyneedsyouspecifically.Youarenobodyinthesandsofdatingpossibilities.Ifyoudontact,somebodyelsewillcomealongforthatperson(probablybetterthanyoutoo).Sowhyact?IhavethiswallthatIfeellikeIneedtobeperfectinordertodatesomebody.Becauseofthis,IwonteverdateanyoneuntilIreachthatperfection.

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June3,2015at2:40pmAnnette

Tyson,

Godcreatedyouandbecauseofthat,youhavevalue.ToGod,youarentonespeckinaseaofbillions.Heseesyou.Ourworldtodaylikestoteachusfromearlychildhoodthatwearearandomaccidentofevolution.ItisnottrueGodcreatedeverything.IbelieveyourmostcriticalneedistohaveapersonalrelationshipwithyourCreator,wholovesyou.IfyouknewhowlovedyouaretoGod,youwouldntseeyourselfasapieceofsandinthedesert,period.Theearthismessedup,yeah,butitsmansfaultwerebelledagainstGodandarethereasonthecreationweseetodayiscursed(althoughitstilltellsofaninfinitelycomplexbutorderlyCreator).IwouldencourageyoutofindaBibleonlineorinprintandreadGenesis111(historyoftheworld),Psalm139,andthebookofJohnthefourthbookoftheNewTestament.JohnwritesthattheWordistheCreatorwhomadeeverything(backinGenesis1)andthenthetheWordbecamefleshanddweltamongus(John1:14)andJohnwasaneyewitnesstohisearthlylife.Ratherthandestroyingouranscestors,AdamandEve,forgood,GodmadeapromisethatHewoulddestroycrushtheserpentshead.Hedidthiswhenhecameintheflesh,livedasinlesslife,diedforsinners,wasburied,androseagainonthethirdday,makingitpossibleformentobeforgivenfromAdamdowntoyouandmethroughJesus.Besttoyou.

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December24,2014at8:30pmHumbled_Man

Ijustgotoutofa12yearmarriage.Divorced,3kidsitsbeenatimeofsomeseriousintrospection.Nowintherapyasanadmittedcovertnarcissist,Icannowseehowmylifehasgonethewayithas,andwhymyrelationshipsstartoffsogoodbutjustliterallyevaporateastimegoeson,withtwopeopleendingupbeingfrustratedroommates.Ireallytriedtochangefromaserialmonogamist(withafewplayboyperiodsinbetweenLTRsofcourse)toahusband/fatherroleanditendedverybadly.Tryingtobeahusbandandparentatthesametimeputme(andespeciallyher)underahugeamountofstress.Mybesteffortstobeagoodhusbandandfatherfailedmybestaccomplishments(Ithought)werediminished,andmyfailingsandannoyanceswereapparentlyextremelyhuge.Myfriendsdontseemeasbeingthisdamaged,butthenagain,theyseemeonceamonth(!)orlessfrequentlyanddonthavetolivewithmedailyortrytoraisekidswithmeorplanfamilyactivities.SowhathaveIcometoconclude?FortheforeseeablefutureIdontplanonenteringintoANYromanticrelationship.Nofriendswithbenefits.Nocasualsex.Nofriendsandtakeitfromthere,noofficialgirlfriendsandABSOLUTELYnolivingwithsomeone.Why?ItsjusttootaxingonMEandevenmoresoonHER.Imnotaterribleperson,butIamacovertnarcissistandIavoidlivingintherealworldandhavethissortoffantasyworldIlivein,onewithlittleornoriskandlittleornochanceofrejectionorhumiliation.Assuch,Iamacontrolfreaktimesamillion.MylifeisSOshelteredandscripted,andwhenpeopletrytobespontaneousorchangethingsIpresentthemwithsuperhugeresistance.Footdragging,procrastinating,whining,complaining.Forgetit!Whyputpeoplethroughthat?!WhyputMYSELFthroughthat?!Sotoaddtothisotherwiseexceptionalarticle,Ithinksometimespeople(likeme)havementalillnessthatjustmakesarelationshiptooimpractical.Letsfaceit.Lookhowhardrelativelynormalpeoplestruggletoworkonandmaintaintheirrelationships.CanyouimaginehowharditisforsomeonewithNPDtopleasetheirpartners?CanyouimaginehowsomeonelivingwithanNPDmustfeel?Ireadtheiraccountsonlineanditjustmakesmesadhowmuchsadnessandemptinesspeoplewithmyillnesscauseothers.Imaybeunwellandobsessedwithmyselfandinwardlyfocused,butIdontwakeupeverymorningwiththedesiretogetoutofbedandhurtorfrustrateabunchofpeople!Imjustnotrelationshipmaterial.Thelastwomenwhoshowedinterestinmewaspolitelyrejected.IdidntgointogreatdetailIjustsaidthatIwasstillnot100%frommydivorceandneededtoworkonmyselfmorebeforeIcouldconsiderarelationship.ShewasdisappointedandIfounditverysweetthatsomeonecouldbeinterestedinaguyleftwithsolittlesolittletooffer.Littledidsheknow,Iwasdoingheramassivefavor!MaybeitssadtosomethatIamokaywiththislimitation(ofnotwantingromanticrelationships)butafterthewaymyrelationshipshavegone,itsprobablybetterthisway.IamjustsoentrenchedinthispersonalitydisorderthatImayneverchangeatall,orifIdochange,notenoughtomakeagoodcompanionforsomeone.Itsjusthowitgoessometimes.

Iwanttomakeapositivedifferenceinmylifeandthelivesofothers.Ihavetocombatmymentalillness.Alone.Notwithinarelationship.Maybeonedayalongtimefromnow,butnotuntilImmorenormal.ItsjustnotfairtomywouldbepartnerifIsettleforanythingless.

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December30,2014at5:22amThnkr917

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 16/23

Ifoundyouranswertobeoneofthemostsincere,butselfdeprecating.AlthoughIdonthaveyourexactreasons,minekindofboilsdowntothesamething.Ijustdobettersingleandamnotthatgreatinrelationships.Ifeellikerelationshipsbringoutthecrazyinme.Notleaveyou400textsandclimbdownyourchimneystalkercrazybutjust,youknow,lessbalanced,losingyourfocus,notbeingyourselfcrazy.

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March18,2015at6:30pmNorthern_Guy

Wow,yeah.ImusthavebeeninarealheavymoodthedayIwrotethatpiece!But,theshoedoesfit.LifehasSOSOSOmuchlessstresswhenyoudonthavetotryandbalancelivingwithmentalhealthissues(read:tryingtostaysane)andallofthedemandsofarelationship.IfindrelationshipstobeveryverydemandingandIalwaysfeel/findthatIamneglectingsomething,somewhere,somehow.ThisisevenwhenItrytobemindful,andgivingandappreciative.MaybeIjustdontgetwomen.Emotionalconnectionsaretoughforme,andItendtohaveaverylowemotionalIQinthatdespitestudyinguponalotofthisstuff,IhavealmostZEROintuitionwhenitcomestopeoplesfeelingssometimes.Imean,ItrytocareanddocaringandthoughtfulthingsandBEagoodpersontoothers.ButsomehowIjustcantreadpeopleverywell.IamverycerebralIeventryto*wish*myselftofeelmore,butIdontknowwhatthat*feelslike*.

Anyways,thanksforthereply.NormallywhenIcomeoutwiththatstuffpeoplecanberatherjudgmental.

Itstruethough.Selfdepreciatingornot,somepeoplearejustinroughshapeandreallyshouldmaybeavoidromanticrelationships.IknowtheysaynobodyisbrokenandpeoplearenotdamagedgoodsbutIgottasay.Ijustdontbelievethatstrue.

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January3,2015at6:46pmTheKnownTruth

WelltherearemanyofusmenthatreallyhatebeingSingle,especiallywhenwehaveaveryhardtimemeetingaGoodWomantospendtherestofourlifewith,andLonelinessisverymuchaCurseforustoo.

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January6,2015at4:20amMatt

Ihavemyreasons,likemoretangiblebutIguesssubconsciouslythereisabitofthis.

Yearsago,Imovedbackhomefromabroadwithmygirlfriendatthetime,Imeaninwithmyparents,Iwasaprettysuccessfuldudeinmyearlytwenties,wasinsales,andIwantedtostartmyownfirmsothatswhyIwasdoingit.Someonedecidedwewouldhaveacreditcrunchthoughabout9monthsbeforeIwasgonnahittherealbigtime.shestayedawhile,thatwasntentirelythereasonforourbreakup,asinshedidntleavemecosIwasntontopanymore,butthestrainoflivinghere,andallthatjustmesseditup.

Then,IkindofprojectedallthatfeelingforherIsupposeontothisotherchickIusedtoknow,Ihadpreviouslyknownherfromschool

(IwasntcoolatschoolandfeltIdchanged,butwhenyoudothatandtryandgobackandshoweveryonehowawesomeyouvebecome,andtheydontwannaseeit,youattachmeaningtoit,anditcandestroythenewyouaswell)

Ireallystartedtocrushonherwhichisjustnotnormalforme,andIknowwhatImdoing,butwiththisgirlIjustcompletelywreckedit,ImeanifyoucanthinkofathingtodotoputawomanoffIdidit,Imeanreallyridiculousstupidstufflol,andeverythingIdidmadeitworse,IshouldntlaughcositwasactuallyaprettytoughtimerememberIhadlostallmyresources,lostallopportunitytogetthemback,anddidntreallyknowmanypeopleheremeanwhilethegirlIlikedwasoffatauniversitytownwithlotsofpeople,sheneverhadthethingsIhadtolose,andnotthatsheshouldcarebutshecouldntpossiblyunderstandthepsychologicalstateIwasinthatmademethatcrazy.

Igotout,becameaholidayrep,andohboyifIwasntthebestbangerwhoeverwalked,ImeanreallyIwasputtingitroundlikeamaestro,helpedmetogetoverthings,soIthoughtHeyImstillcoolright,guessIgotitback,dontneedthisjob,Illjustgohomeandpullthesamestuff

Wrong.

AlltherealproblemsIhadwerestillwaitingforme,changethecircumstance,changetheman..itworksbothways

ThebitternessalsobuiltabouthowthesepeopleIhadknownwrotemeoff.

SoIgotoutagain(notbeforeIhadsatalonefor2wholeyears)

Savedsomecashandwenttravelling,andboomIwasoffagain,bangingbackpackers,waitresses,receptionists,cleaners,saleswomen,1journalisteven,allsortsofchicks,left,right,centreIcouldtellyouhowtodoit,Icantellyouwhattosay,Iknowexactlywhatisrequiredtogetlaid,Ievenwroteablogonitforacoupleyears.

SoIamdoingallthisbutincredibly,constantly,ImeanIcouldbeledinbednexttoawoman,butIalwaysthoughtaboutthegirlfromschool,youknowlikethecrazypersonIamHowcanIfixit?TheremustbeawayYoucanfixanythingbutduringallthoseyearsofthinkingabouther,itbecamemorethanahardcrush,IdfallenforherandyouknowshehadprobablyforgottenIwasalive,shewasprobablygladhahaha,Ihavetolaughbutitsnotfunny

IthoughtandIdontknowwhatthepointofitwassupposedtobefromthousandsofmilesaway,IthoughtIwillwritetoheronfacebook.immediatelythegobshiterystartedtoflowthroughmytyping,whyIhitsendIwillneverknow.SheSkypedmethoughbecauseofit,duringthecallthischickIwasseeingregularlycamebyandIhadtosaygoodbye(IdontlietopeopleIamactuallyseeingsoItoldthegirlatmydoorwhoIhadskypedetc)itwasnothingbutaweirdcall,Ijustmade

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 17/23

seeingsoItoldthegirlatmydoorwhoIhadskypedetc)itwasnothingbutaweirdcall,Ijustmadeitworseandmoredaft,IbetyousheprobablydoesntthinkIevergetanyone,Ijustcantgethertoseewhattheysee,anditbothersme.

Anyway,mytravellingdayscametoanend,andIcamehome.Economicallytheworldhadimprovedbythen,andImanagedtosecuresomebridgingfinanceforsomepropertiesformyself,Icouldaffordtorentthemtopaythefinance,butIwasstillabsolutelytoobroketoliveawayfrommyparents,andIwasbrokepersonallyevenlivinghere,andImeanreally,thebusinesswasgrowing,Iwasbuyingmoreproperty,butcashflowwise,Icouldbereallybroke,soIdidntgooutordoanything,youknowbecausesometimesIcouldntaffordmydinner(literallynotfiguratively)

Whenyoucanteat,whenyoulieawakeatnightworryingaboutyourbusiness,worryingabouteverything,youforgettocareaboutwomen,andhowyouusedtoadvisepeopleonthisstuff,andwhatanyonewillthink,youforgetthewholeworldandyoucloseyourblogdownwithoutwarningImproudandobviouslyIwouldneverexplainthisstufftoanyoneIknew

IrealisedIcouldnthelpanyonewhosaywasinacircumstancewithoutcashorwiththeirparents,theyneedtochangecircumstanceasIdid,sometimeslifepresentsuswiththingsthatcannotbefixedwithconfidencealone.

AnywayImstillhere,stillbuyinghouses,stillstayinghomeeverynight,doingalotbetterfinanciallynow,butIamstillatmyparents,andnowherenearinapositiontoliveacarefreelifestyle,andIgenuinelydontwanttomeetanyonenowuntilIamfullysorted.Afewtimesnow,acoupleofmyacquaintancesgirlfriendshave,wellonefullonpropositionedme,andanother2werejustlikedodgy,Ireallywanted/neededtobangem butIdontmesswithgirlsofguysIknow,andIdontcheatonpeopleIaminarelationshipwith(itstrueIdoubtanyonewouldbelieveitwhoknowsmeapartfromtherejectedgirlsinquestion,ImnotevenhandsomesoIdunnohowthishappenedwithoutmyencouragementlol)

Youknownomatterwhatanyonethinksaboutme,Ivehadmorewomenthanallthemputtogetherandthatsafact(probablydependingwhothemare andIwillagainwhenIgetchance,tobehonestIdontseemyselfsettlingdownuntil40now,andImakenoapologies.Itdoesntmatterhowanyonedefinesme,IknowwhatIvedoneandwhyIvedoneit.

Stupidly,incrediblythechickfromschoolcanstillcrossmymindfromtimetotime,shesactuallythe

onewhocouldvesnaggedme,whichshedfindridiculouscosshewouldntwantto,InevercalledherwhenIcamehomeshehasarelativewhoworksinamarket,Ibumpedintohimatthemarketoneday,weneverspokeabouther,hesknownmesinceIwasalittlekid,knowsmyfamily,IcouldtellhenowthinksIamanidioticlunatic,soshemusthaveslaggedmetohim.

Sonottoputtoofineapointonit,thatswhyIvebeenPROPERLYsingleforyears.ButIamgonnacomeback,bigger,betterandonedayIllbemarriedandloadedwith2.4kidsandwellseewontwe,whomadetherightchoices.

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January8,2015at1:50pmSadlySingle

Thanksforthearticle.Ithinkitsspoton.Givesmesomethingtothinkaboutandactupon.Readingsomeofthecomments,itseemslikemanyareindenial

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January8,2015at2:06pmMarie

ThisisthebestarticlesandallthecommentsareveryinterestingIamasinglemotherof17yrsoldboy.Raisingmysonisanadventureforme,andIguessthatswhyIamstillsingleMysonisnowinuniversityandafullscholarofourcitygovernment.andheresmysonlastXmasmsgIknowImaynotbeactiveonline,butIamalwaysactiveathearttosecureyourfuture.Yoursolitarydayswillbenomore,fortomorrowissafeinmyhands.MerryChristmasmommy,loveyousomuch.

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January8,2015at3:40pmMarie

BestarticlesandallcommentsareveryinterestingIamasinglemomof17yrsoldboy,raisingsonisanadventureformeIguessthatswhyIamstillsingle.Mysonisnowinuniversityandafullscholarofourcitygovernment manformeistherootofeveryprobleminrelationship.mostofthemarenotcontentedtoonewoman,smoker,alcoholics,gambleretc.

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January11,2015at4:07pmsanthosh

Itsreallygoodtoknowmyflawstoovercomeit.

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January16,2015at2:16ambleatklty

Icanidentifywithcertainofthepointsofthearticle:lowselfesteemandamixedsentimentofafearofintimacy.Startingwiththelatter,inmyearly20s,Ilivedmyfirst,whichhappenedtobealongdistancerelationship,withsomebody.Duringthattime,Iwasunawareoftheotherrelationshipsthatshewasengagedin.Uponreturningtothecity,IknewthatIcouldntkeepagrudgeandreinitiatedcontact.Tragically,Ilearntthatshehadbeensexuallyassaultedoverthecourseofthatyear.Iwasconfused,filledwithcontemptandcompassion.Imovedaway,wemetagainonotheroccasions,butasentimentofmistrusthasntbeenerased.Itisimportanttoforgive,buttonever

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 18/23

occasions,butasentimentofmistrusthasntbeenerased.Itisimportanttoforgive,buttoneverforget.

Aboutadecadelater,Igaveanothershotatbeinginarelationship.Welikedeachother,buttherewasnolove.Ithinkwasexpectingtoomuch.Infactshewastoointelligentformeonasocialandlogicallevel.Whenmyworkranout,Imovedagain,thinkingthatIlovedher.Sheaskednottobecontacted,butIwouldhavelikedtoattheleastkeepafriendshipgoing.

Currentlyunemployed,Icantevenimaginebeinginarelationship.Idontevenwanttobewithmyself!

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January21,2015at9:25amSophiaEva

Verygoodarticle.Single,35yearsoldfemale,educatedandgoodjob.Lastboyfriendsaidheisonlygoingtodatestupidoverweightgirlssotheywouldnotleavehim.AsawomanIdonotunderstandthis.Iamnotsurewhatwomanwouldacceptamanbeingcontinuouslyunemployedanddoinglittleaboutit.Istilllookedpastitandstayedpositive.Iamshallowandadmitit.IfIcanmaketimetolookgoodforyou,thenIfeelyoucantrytolookgoodtoo.Forthemenwhorepliedsayingtheyaregoodguysbutthinktheyareunattractive,youcanchangethat.Idontmindmenbeingoverweight,guysshouldatleastshave,trimdownstairs,generallyhavegoodhygieneanddrinkwater.Onereaderpostedthatallthegoodonesaretaken,thisistruebecausethosemenhavelivesinorder

andwanttomovetothenextphase.Theremainingonesdonothingtochange,looklikecavemen,orisawhore.

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January26,2015at7:22amAnonymous

IfIcanmaketimetolookgoodforyou,thenIfeelyoucantrytolookgoodtoo.Forthemenwhorepliedsayingtheyaregoodguysbutthinktheyareunattractive,youcanchangethat.Idontmindmenbeingoverweight,guysshouldatleastshave,trimdownstairs,generallyhavegoodhygieneanddrinkwater.Onereaderpostedthatallthegoodonesaretaken,thisistruebecausethosemenhavelivesinorderandwanttomovetothenextphase.Theremainingonesdonothingtochange,looklikecavemen,orisawhore.

Nobodywantsadictator.Iam34.Myproblemisthatallthewomenwithinmyagerangeareeitherdivorcedwithchildren,orhavechildren.Itisonethingtohavepreferences,butnobodywantssomeonetellingsomeonewhattodo.Drinkwater?Comeon.

OfcourseIgettheweirdosandthegardenvarietycreeps.Likepeoplewithstaringproblems.ThereisthisoldsayingIlearnedlongtimeago,steerclearfromtheladiesstaringatyouastheyarelookingforlust,andunclean.IdontknowifthatcomesfromtheQuranorwhat.

Iamdestinedtobealone,period.Peopledosomuchtotickmeoffonadailybasis,infactmyheadwouldexplodeifItried.

Addthesetothedonts

1.Tellingthepersonwhoyoudontreallyknowtoowellthatyouaredivorcingsomeone(wemendontwanttohearthatcrap)

2.Tellingthepersonabouthavingchildren.(Seriously,thatwouldmakeanyonerun)

3.Bringingupmarriage.

4.STARING

5.Actingdesperate.

6.Askingformoney

7.Complainingaboutnonsense

8.Makingarealstupidjoke.

9.Actingstupidonpurpose.

10.Followingsaidperson(hadthiscraphappenTWICE)

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January22,2015at7:46pmrachid

heyallsometimewedontknowwhatwewantandsometimewemisswhatwewantandwewantliketimelikeme*iwishifindmygirlimeanmyloveforevergoodluk4allciao

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January26,2015at7:39amJermaine

Imnotsingleforanyofthesereasons.Ikeeptryingandfailing.ImneveraloneandIvebeenwithhundredsofwomenbutwhatIwantdoesntwantmeandwhatwantsmeIdontwant.Lotsofsexandlotsofdatesbutnothingsolid.Ihavenoideawhy.IdontgiveupandIcontinuetotryanditsalwaysthesame...datesandsexbutnorelationship.AllmyfriendsthinkImastudanditsannoyingbecausetheyareallmarriedexceptme.IalwaysgotthegirlsandIstilldobutcantkeeponetosavemylife.IwishIcouldsecretlyinterviewallthesewomentofindoutwhyamIalwaysusedas

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 19/23

savemylife.IwishIcouldsecretlyinterviewallthesewomentofindoutwhyamIalwaysusedastheboytoyandneverapotentialpartner.Iwillneverunderstandthisgiftthatisacurse

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March18,2015at6:32pmNorthern_Guy

Dude,thatswhytheycallthematingarenaanARENA!Itsroughoutthere!Andsometimesifwelookrealcloselywemightfindwehavehigherexpectationsforourpartnersthanwedoforourselves!(Notsayingyouinparticular,butalotofpeople,alotofthetime.)

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January31,2015at5:25pmReally.

therearetomanydateingsites.tomuchfreesexwaytomanySocialpaths.tomanyloveadditsanddruganddrinkingbarhoppingpeoplejustlookingforsomeonetousewaytomanylonelypeople..andtheirisnorealloveinthisdayandagewelivein.noonewantstotaketimetogettoknowanyonetheyjumpintellingyoutheirlifestoryanditsneveragoodone..orifyouhaveyourownplacecarjobtheywanttomoverightinwithyouveryfastandtakeoveryourworld..welltheyfellinlovewithyouveryfastandIknowfromithappeningtomemorethanonce.fastloveleadstofastHatesoifyoucanstaysingleandtakecareofyourselfandyourfamilythanplsdosoforyourownsake..donotthrowawaywhatyouhadtoworkveryhardforonLovewishIwouldofknownthesethingswhenIwasyounger)

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February9,2015at1:53pmPaul

ButwhataboutmanyofusSinglepeoplethatreallyhatetobeAlone?,especiallywhenallyourfriendsandfamilymembersareallmarriedwiththeirfamiliesandwerestillNot.Reallysucksdoesntit?Andiamsurealotoftheothermenandwomenouttherewouldcertainlyagreewithmetoo.ReallymeetingtherightpersonisveryhardnowadayssincetheDivorcerateissooutofcontrolnow,unlikeyearsagowhenmanymenandwomendidmaketheirmarriagework.

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February14,2015at10:57pmRichter

Nobodyinthissituationknowswhatyoumeanwhenyousayunrealisticexpectations.Itmeansnothingthatweknowof,butisprobablycodeforsomethingalongthelinesofyoumightnotreallyhaveallthatmuchgoingforyou.Ofcoursenoonewilltellyouthat,soyoudonteverKNOWthat.IthinkitssafetosayifyourgoalistodatethePresidentofBoliviaoraVictoriasSecretmodel,thatsunrealistic.Butotherwise,singlepeoplehavenoideawhatthatphrasemeans.

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February16,2015at7:23amNatalie

Havingspentmostofmyadultlifesingleiknowallthedifficultiesthatcomewithit.Butifirmlybelievesomepeoplearereallybetteroffremainingsinglefortheirsakeandthesakeofthosetheybecomeinvolvedwith.Ialwaysknewiwasselfcenteredbutthoughticouldchangewhenigotmarried.Iwaswrong.14yearswehavebeenmarriedandwehavegrownmoreapart,notclosertogether.Notlongagoduringafighthetoldmeiwasthemostselfishpersonhehadevermet.Thatwasquiteablow.Whileheisnopicnicbaskethedoesgivetoothersmorethanido.Iknowihavecompassionforthelessfortunatebutneverlearnedtobeaverygivingperson,oratleastitwouldseem.Inanyrelationshipyouhavetogivealot.Makesureyouareready.

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March5,2015at6:39pmCheatedonexwife

Youknow,itwasstatedthatabadroutineofworkandstayinginisalmostafaultofourownmaking.Myexlivesfourstatesawayandonlyseesourkidseveryotherweekend.IhavenointerestinbringingabunchofmenaroundmykidsandasasinglemotherIambarelyabletokeepupwithwork,ahouseholdandallthedemandsofmychildren.

DoesthismeanIdontwantarelationshiporthatImakemyselfemotionallyunavailable?Absolutelynot.ItmeansthateveryotherFridaynight(ifIamnotworkinga6thor7thdayfortheweek),IamdyingtoputmyfeetupwiththatglassofwineandputtheTVon.NotbecauseIamavoidingintimacy,butmorebecauseinthosemoments,Ihavenodemandsputonme.Nohomeworktogoover,nodinnertomake,nolaundrytorotate,norunningtowhateversporting/school/socialeventIhavetobeMomsElCheapoTaxiforandnoworryingoverhowtopaythebillsonmymeagersalary.

So,Iaskthisquestionwhereanddoesapersonthatisgenuinelyexhaustedmeetsomeoneelsethathasjustasmuchontheirplatetosharethisinsanitycalledlifewith?

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March9,2015at9:37amHelen

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 20/23

March9,2015at9:37am

Iliketheideaofbeinginloveandhavingarelationship,butthetheoryisdifferentfromreality.Anyrelationshipwillgostaleinafewmonths/years.Plus,IdontthinkIcouldhandlethestressofsomeonecheatingonme,walkingoneggshellslestIupsetthem,havingtocook/cleanupaftersomeone,neglectingmyfitness,notbeingabletorelaxinmyownhome,andmany,manymorereasons.IthinkIamluckytobedivorced.EverytimeIhearamantalkabouthiswife/gf,Ithinktomyself,thankgodIamsingle!!!!

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March18,2015at6:36pmNorthern_Guy

EachdaythatgoesbyIamstrongerbeingsingle.IamnotaloneIhavekids,family,friendsevenmyexwifeisapartofmylifenow,justinadifferentandlimitedway.Butitsalmostbetter,becauseasahusbandIcouldnotmakeherhappynomatterhowhardItried.Wassheimpossibletoplease?SomesayshewasprettydemandingandunwillingtocompromiseOrwasIputtingtoomucheffortintothewrongthings?DidIjustmisstheboatentirely?Webothhavesignificantcommitmentandintimacyissueswhostosaywhostoblameforwhat?Iamgoingtoenjoythissummer,freefromwhatfeltlikeawholelotofworkandfrustrationonlytohaveanunappreciativeaudienceattheotherendofit.Itsucks,despiteyourbestefforts,tohaveanunhappyspousewhoonedaysaysenough.

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March25,2015at6:01pmBryan

WhydidIreadthis.

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April6,2015at3:07pmPaul

WellformanyofusthatarestillSingle,idofeelthatGodistoblamesincemanyofusDidntwanttobesinglewhichmanyofuswantedtobemarriedwithafamily.WereNotsinglebychoice,thatisforsure.AndconnectingwiththerightpersonforusisveryDifficultforusrightnow,especiallyforusGoodmenlookingforaGoodwomantosettledownwith.

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April19,2015at4:46amMrezaHabibi

Ithinkthatsomepeoplewanttohaveralationbutdontknowabouttruecontactandwhatsayandhowsayfirsttime

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April20,2015at8:59amDeborahLindy

Ithinkamjustugly.Myheighthasalsocontributed.Mencomemywayandcomplimentbutitdoesntgetanyfurther.Beinglonelyisntfunguy.Ifuraladyanduhavesomeonewhosserious,holdontothemandappreciate.Otherwisesomeofuswishwehadthem.

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April22,2015at12:39pmexdater

IusedtobeverysuccessfulatdatinguntilIwas26,andafterthat,everythingwentdownhillquickly.

Todaywithalmost31yearsold,Ihavebeenyearswithoutdating,exceptfrommaybeadateevery9months,afterwhichthegirlusuallywantstoknownothingaboutmeanymore.Mylastdatewaslike6monthsagoitwasagirlIhadmetinabar,andwewentforadrinkduringtheweek,andsheabruptlyescapedthedatewithaIhavetomeetafriend,onlylike1hourafterthedatehadstarted.

Imnotexactlysurewhathappened.SomepeoplesayitsbecauseImbalding,butIdontwanttothinkwomencanbesosuperficial.Maybetheyareright.Idontknow.

Inanycase,Imstartingtogiveup,andlearningtobeonmyown.

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April28,2015at2:05amRealityCheck

Withsomanyveryhighmaintenancewomenouttherethesedaysitcertainlymakesitveryhardforusgoodsinglemenmeetingagooddecentonetoday.

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10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 21/23

April28,2015at3:47amjustapeson

Ifoundthisreallyhelpful.Iamstilllostbutmostlybecauseicanttellwhichorhowmanyofthesearethetruecauseofmyproblem.Iamonly17andambynomeansdyingforarelationshipbutiwasbeginingtothinkthattheremaybesmothingwrongwithme.Ihavealwaysbeenalittlemoreobservantthanotherkidsandwheniwasinthefirstgradeandgirlswherealreadyfightingoverguystdateiwasdisgusted.icametohateitwhenpeopletrytoflirtwithmeandiwouldwaituntilhighschooltodate.butnowthatitsnotoktohaveaguyfriendiamjusttoscaredorindifferentforarelationship.Ibegantothinkiwasaromanticorasexualandthatmayeiwasbetteroffwithjustfriends.buticonstantlyremindedthatigaveuponafightthatineverstartedandiammorelostthanever.Atfirstireallyfeltlikeitdidntmatteriwasjsutahighshoolerandididntneedtoworry.butireallyfeellikethatsnottrue.imawkwardnowfromputtingthisoffforsomanyyearsandithinkitwillonlygetworsefromhereonout.andinaselfevaluationitseemstobemyonlyrealprolbemwithmyselfrightnow.iamconsernedandindifferentallatthesametime.

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May4,2015at6:40pmJack

Lol,allnottruethereisonlyonereasonnoequityorreturnoninvestment.

ImwealthyinphenomenalshapebecauseallIdoisworkandworkout,IspendtimeenjoyingmylifedoingwhatIlike.

Theproblemismostpeopleareselfishandselfentitled.Imakethingshappen,Idonttalk,Ido.ThatswhoIamandImnotgoingtosacrificingeverythingIworkedhardfortotakecareofalayaboutwithnoambitionforthenextfiftyyears,ImgoingtofightandpushandworkmywaytothetopandenjoywhatlittletimeIhavelivinglifetothemax.Inthislifeyoucanonlycountonyourself,startinvestinginyourself,youshouldntneedanyoneelsetobehappy.

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May10,2015at12:49amAaron

Hi,Mysituationisweird(Ireadsomecommentswhowouldagreewithme).Im29maleusuallywomanfindmeattractivebutIalsohavebabyface(cute)whichImtotallyafraidofnow.Imverycomfortablewithmostofthewomenandtheyalsofindmecomfortabletohavearound.But,nobodyshowsinterestinmethewayIwantedseriousrelationship!Imstillkindofapunchingbag/friendlytoy/boytomostofthem.Idontunderstand,IsitthatIneedtomanupandbehavedifferentlywiththeoneIlikeORIshouldjustwaittofindtherightone?

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May15,2015at12:02amJen

Thisarticledisgustsme.Letmetellthisyousadsaps.

Tofindsomeonesuitableforyou,istofindsomeonewhosharesthesamethingsasyou(noteverything,canbeacoupleofthings),wantsthesamethingsinlifeaswell.Relationshipsisaboutwhatyoubothcangiveintotherelationship(dontgofor50/50,go100/100foreachother).Ifyouarelookingfor10thingsinapartner,dont,justfindthetop4or5thingsinafuturepartnerthataremoreimportant,andkeepyourstandardsnottoohighornottootoolow,remember,youwantabestfriend,apartner.Forthemostpartwhyrelationshipsbreak,islackofpropercommunication(naggingaddsstresstopartners),lackofcommoninterestsandalwaysgivingnegativeenergy.YouguyneverbothertolookinthemirrorandsaywhatcanIdobetternexttime?,butitsalwaysthepoormesyndrome,cutthatout,itsamassiveturnoff.WhenIfindguys,Iamlookingforcommoninterests,hobbies,viewsoncertainthings,somethingthatcomplementsmylifeandviseversa.Ifagreatguythatkeepschasingyouforawhile,justtakethatchance,youneverknowwhoheisunderallthatIfoundmyboyfriendononeoftwodatingsites,Ihadafewdatesononesiteaftertalkingtotheguysforawhile,buttheresnothingthereaftermeetingthem.Theotherdatingsiteiswaybetterandmoredetails,5categorieswithpercentmatchesetc.oneguyihavebeentalkingtoonthatsite,wasonlyinterestedinmeofhowmucheducationIhad,nothingelse,nevertalkedwithmeforaweekanddecidedtoplanadate.butduringourtextmessages,howhetalkedtome,therewassomebadwarningsigns,tryingtoimpressmejusttogetsex,soicanceledthedate.Thesecondguyonthatsamedatingsite,hewasanerdwhowasopenminded,smartandlikestogoonadventures(threethingsiamlookingforinaguy),afterafewdates,welearnedhowmuchmorewehaveincommonandwhatwewantinlife,itsalmostexact Andtodayisourthirdmonthanniversaryandwearealreadythinking/planningahead,anywaysYouguysshouldsmartenupandbetteryourselvestohelpgainthetypeofrelationshipyoutrulywanted,getahobby,learnsomeskillsetc.

Onemorething,childrenneedsastayhomeparenttoteachandraisetheirkidsandnotstrangers,thatiswhysomefemalesarelookingforafinanciallystablemen!

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May17,2015at3:08pmtess

YeahIagreewithothercomments.ButIamsinglebecausenoguyapproachesme,Ithinkitsbecauseofmyskinproblems,maybetheythinkIhaveHIVorwhatIdontknow.yeahIwasnt

10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 22/23

becauseofmyskinproblems,maybetheythinkIhaveHIVorwhatIdontknow.yeahIwasntreadymaybe2yearsagobutnowIaminmy30sIamreadytohaveapartner,readytohavesexowyeahImcravingforit,IonlyhadittwiceinmylifewhenIwas27yearsold,readytohaveachild.SometimesIjustsitandthinkthatmaybeIwillneverhaveamanInmylifebecauseIamnotattractive,ormaybeGodwantsmetofocusonHim.

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May17,2015at4:38pmJenniferAnne

tomebeingsinglewasafreeingemotioninmy20sand30s.Ialwayswantedsomeonetocomplimentmygoalsandaspirations.Ifallintothecategoryofdatingadventagousmen.Nowinmy40samsoshockedatthestigmacouplesformtowardssinglesespeciallysinglewomeninour40s.Itisamazingthattheworkforcemakesyouintosomeonethatmustsucceedhigherthanthemomjustworkingtoputfoodonthetableorcomparedtotheothersinglewomanwhomholdsherselfasapowerhousewiththeboysclub.Formebeingsinglehasbeenmoreofacursethanablessing.Ohandfarfromuglyjustputintothesinglelabelformanydecadesofmylife.tiredofthestigma.

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May20,2015at10:15amJourneyman2015

Iam26yearsoldaboutto27nextmonthandIhavefoundthatspecialsomeoneIdoseemyselfwithfortherestofmylife.InthebeginningwedidhavesomethingspecialgoingbutnowithasdeterioratedduetomylyingmanipulationandotherdumbthingsIhavedonetoangerher.Imprettyaaverageguymakeasomewhatdecentlivingtopayformybillswhojusthappenstoenjoyvideogamesandanime.YeahitischildishonmyendbutIenjoybeingdifferentbutatsametimeImtryingtojustsimplystandoutandshowtheworldwhatIcanofferaswellasmygoodfriendbytryingtochangeeverythingaboutmyselfforthebetter.Imnotonlydoingthisformyselfbutforhertoo.Ineverreallywasconsideredamansmannortobeonetohavetheknowledgetomaintainagoodrelationship.Igrewupbeingbulliednotonlyatschoolbutathometoo.BytheImeanmyparentsabusedmementally,emotionally,andfinanciallytothepointtowhereIcantevengetarousedformypossiblesignificantotherduetomymotherbeinganexibitionist(ImnotevengoingtogointodetailwiththatbecauseImsurewhatmostofyouseewhereIamgoing.MyfriendgavemethestrengthtogetawayfromthemforgoodsoIcanfinallystartmyadultlife.TechnicallyIamsinglebecauseofthethingsIhavedonetohurtmyfriendandIhavetoprovetoherthatIcantreatherright.IamintheprocessofchangingmydemeanorhowIthinkactandeverythingsoIcanprovetoherIcanbethemanshealwaysdreamedof.Imalsodoingthisformyselftoosopeoplecantakemeseriously.ByallmeansIamnotlookingforanysympathyorpeopletocoddleme.SeriouslymyparentsdidenoughofthatshittomewhichmademewhatIamrightnowalittlepussy.PointthatImakingisthatnomatterwhatbackgroundyouhaveorwhatyouarenotyoustillhavetheopportunitytochangeeverythingsothatyoucanfindtheoneyouhavebeenseekingyourwholelifetoloveandforyoutocherishuntilyouredeadandgone.IhavefoundthatjustIneedtogetbetterandchange.

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May20,2015at10:18amJourneyman2015

abouttobe27nextmonth*

Idoseemyseldbeingwithherfortherestofmylife*

Lolthisiswhathappenswhenyouwakeupinthemiddleofthenightwithyourmindracingandonceyougettorolling,youtripoveryourself.

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May21,2015at7:16pmBenReallyKnows

ManyofusareNotsinglebychoice.

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May23,2015at12:15pmCaroleHeath

Ithinkrelationshipsaregiveandtakenothingiseasyinlife.Butamiserablerelationshipisnotgood

oncepeoplefeeltakenforgrantedtheresentmentsetsinwhichisthebeginningofadownwardspiral.Thissituationcanbejustasbadforbothmenandwomen.

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May26,2015at8:55pmmismatch

Choosetodivorcebasedonamanwhodoesnotsupportmedoesnttreatmeasapriority,Idoeverythingforhimallthewaydowntocuttinghistoenails,Ipayallthebillsbuyallthefood.ThenIfindouthehasbeenpayingallhisadultsonbillsleavingmetodoitall,mysituationisIdontmindhelpingmanwhosdownbUTtotakewhatyouhaveandallowalazyadulttoremainthatwayisanenablerandIfindIwasallowinghimtodoittome,sohehasgottogo,IwouldlovetobeinarelationshipbutIrefusetocontinuetobeused.IbelieveinGodandIknowhehastherightpersonformenotaperfectmanbutaGodfearingone,soIllletGoddohisworkifhechosetokeepmesingleIprayheletsmeenjoyit.

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10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 23/23

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