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8/2/2019 The Simpkins Plot by G. A. Birmingham
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THESIMPKINSPLOT
By
G.A.Birmingham
TO
R.H.
INMEMORYOFMANYSUMMEREVENINGSWHENWEDRIFTEDHOME,UNTROUBLEDBYTHELOVEAFFAIRSOFSIMPKINS.
THESIMPKINSPLOT.
CHAPTERI.
TheplatformatEustonwascrowded,andtheporters'barrowspiledhigh
withluggage.DuringthelastweekinJulytheIrishmailcarriesaheavyloadofpassengers,andforthetwentyminutesbeforeitsdeparturepeoplearebusyendeavouringtosecuretheirowncomfortandthesafetyoftheirbelongings.Thereareschoolboys,withportmanteaux,play-boxes,andhand-bags,escapinghomeforthesummerholidays.Therearesportsmen,eagermembersoftheStockExchangeorkeenlawyers,ontheirwaytoDonegalorClareforfishing.Therearetourists,theholdersofticketswhichpromisethemaroundofvisitstofamousbeautyspots.TherearemembersoftheHouseofLords,whohaveaccomplishedtheirlaboursaslegislators--andtheirwives,peeresses,whohavedonetheirdutybytheLondonseason--ontheirwaybacktostatelymansionsinthelandfromwhichtheydrawtheirincomes.Greatpeopletheseindrawing-roomsorclubs;greaterstill
intheremoteIrishvillageswhichtheirnamesstilldominate;butnotparticularlygreatontheEustonplatform,forthereislittlerespectofpersonsthereasthetimeofthetrain'sdeparturedrawsnear.Aporterpushedhisbarrow,heavywithtrunksandcrownedwithgun-cases,againstthelegsofanearl,whoswore.Aburlyman,redfacedandbroadshouldered,elbowedamarchionesswho,notknowinghowtosweareffectively,triedtowitherhimwithaglance.Shefailed.Themanwhohadjostledherhadsmallreverenceforrankortitle.Hewas,besides,inahurry,andhadnotimetospendinapologisingtogreatladies.
SirGilbertHawkesbywasoneofhisMajesty'sjudges.Hehadwonhispositionbysheerhardworkandcommandingability.Hehadnotstopped
inhiscareertosoothetheoutrageddignityofthosewhomhepushedaside;andhehadnointentionnowofdelayinghisprogressalongtherailwayplatformtoexplaintoamarchionesswhyhehadjostledher.Itwasonlybyavigoroususeofhiselbowsthathecouldmakehisway;anditoughttohavebeenevident,eventoapeeress,thathemeanttogofromoneendofthetraintotheother.Hiseyesglancedsharplyrightandleftashepushedon.Hepeeredthroughthewindowsofthecarriages.Hescannedeachfigureinthecrowd.Atlasthecaughtsightofaladystandingbesidethebookstall.Sheworealonggreycloakandadarktravelling-hat.Shestoopedoverthebooksandpapers
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onthestallbeforeher;andherface,inprofileasSirGilbertsawit,waslitbytheflaringgasaboveherhead.Havingcaughtsightofher,thejudgepushedonevenmorevigorouslythanbefore.
"HereIam,Milly,"hesaid."IsaidI'dbeintimetoseeyouoff,andIam;butowingto--"
Theladyatthebookstallturnedandlookedathim.Sheflushedsuddenly,andthenassuddenlygrewpale.Sheraisedherhandhurriedlyandpulledherveiloverherface.SirGilbertstaredatherinamazement.Thenhisface,too,changedcolour.
"I--Ibegyourpardon,"hesaid;"Imistookyouformyniece.It'squiteinconceivabletomehowI--amostremarkablelikeness.I'mastonishedthatIdidn'tnoticeitbefore.Thefactis--underthecircumstances--"
SirGilbertwasacutelyuncomfortable.Neverinthecourseofalongcareeratthebarhadhefeltsohopelesslyembarrassed.Onnooccasioninhislife,sofarashecouldremember,hadhebeenreducedtostammeringincoherences.Ithadnotoccurredtohimtoapologisetothejostledmarchionessafewminutesbefore.Hewasnowanxioustoabasehimselfbeforetheladyatthebookstall.
"Isincerelybegyourpardon,"hesaid."IshouldnothavedreamedforamomentofintrudingmyselfonyouifIhadknown.Ioughttohaverecognisedyou.Ican'tunderstand--"
Theladylaiddownthebooksheheldinherhand,andturnedherbackonSirGilbert.Shecrossedtheplatform,andenteredacarriagewithoutlookingback.SirGilbertstoodstiffandawkwardbesidethebookstall.
"It'samostextraordinarylikeness,"hemuttered."Ican'tunderstandwhyIdidn'tnoticeitbefore.Ican'thaveeverreallylookedather."
Then,avoidingthecarriagewhichtheladyhadentered,hewalked
furtheralongtheplatform.Hewasmuchlessself-assertiveinhisprogress.Hethreadedhiswayinsteadofelbowingitthroughthecrowd.Themostfragilepeeressmighthavejostledhim,andhewouldnothaveresentedit.
"UncleGilbert!Isthatyou?Iwasafraidyouweregoingtobelate."
Thejudgeturnedquickly.Alady,anotherlady,leanedoutofthewindowofafirst-classcompartmentandgreetedhim.Hestaredather.Thelikenesswaslessstrikingnowwhenhelookedathisniece'sfullface;butitwasthere,quiteunmistakable;asufficientexcusefortheblunderhehadmade.
"Ah,Milly,"hesaid;"youreallyareMilly,aren'tyou?I'vejusthadamostextraordinaryencounterwithyourdouble.It'samostremarkablecoincidence;quitethethingforoneofyournovels.Bytheway,how'sthenewonegettingon?"
"Whichone?I'mjustcorrectingasetofproofs,andI'mdeepintheplotofanother.That'swhat'stakingmeovertoIreland.IthoughtI'dtoldyou."
"Yes,yes;localcolouryousaidinyourletter.Studyingthewild
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Hibernianonhisnativesoil;butreally,Milly,whenyou'veheardmystoryyouwon'twanttogotoIrelandforwildimprobabilities.ButIcan'ttellyounow.Thereisn'ttime.We'llmeetinBally-what-do-you-call-itnextweek."
"Andyou'llstaywithme,UncleGilbert,won'tyou?ThehouseI'vetakenappearstobeaperfectbarrack.Accordingtotheagent,thereareanyamountofsparebedrooms."
"No,"saidthejudge;"I'vetakenroomsatthehotel.Thefactis,Milly,whenI'mfishingIliketoroughitabit.Besides,Ishouldonlybeinyourway.You'llbeworkingtremendouslyhard."
NeitherexcuseexpressedSirGilbert'srealreasonforrefusinghisniece'sinvitation.Hedidnotlikeroughingit,andhedidnotthinkittheleastlikelythathispresenceinthehousewouldinterferewithherwork.Onthecontrary,herworkwaslikelytointerferewithhiscomfort.Hewasfondofhisniece,buthedislikedherhabitofreadingpassagesfromherMSS.aloudintheevenings.Shewasverymuchabsorbedinhernovel-writing,andtookherworkwithaseriousnesswhichstruckthejudgeasridiculous.
"I'lldinewithyouoccasionally,"hesaid,"butIshallputupatthehotel.Bytheway,Milly,amIyourtenantorareyoumine?Ileft
allthearrangementsinyourhands."
"Itookthehouseandthefishing,"shesaid."Theagentmanwouldn'tletonewithouttheother;butyouhavetopaymostoftherent.Thesalmonarethereallyvaluablepartoftheproperty,itappears."
"Allright,"saidSirGilbert;"solongasthefishingisgoodIwon'tquarrelwithyouovermyshareoftherent.Thehousewouldonlyhavebeenanuisancetome.Ishouldhavehadtobringoverservants,andthatwouldhaveworriedyouraunt.Ah!Yourtime'sup,Isee.Good-bye,Milly,good-bye.Takecareofyourself,anddon'tgetmixedupwithshadypeopleinyoursearchfororiginality.I'llstartthisdayweekassoonaseverIgetyourauntsettleddownatBournemouth."
MillicentKing,SirGilbertHawkesby'sniece,wasayoungwomanofsomelittleimportanceintheworld.ThepatronsofthecirculatinglibrariesknewherasEnaDunkeld,andshooktheirheadsoverher.ThegentlemenwhoaddtothemeagresalariestheyearninGovernmentofficesbywritingreviewsknewherunderbothhernames,fornoliterarysecretsarehidfromthem.Theypraisedhernovelspublicly,andinprivateyawnedoverhermorality.Manypeople,herauntLadyHawkesbyamongthem,verystronglydisapprovedofhernovels.Certainproblems,sotheseladiesmaintained,oughttobediscussedonlyinscientificbooks,labelled"poison"forthesafetyofthepublic,andoughtnevertobediscussedatallbyyoungwomen.MillicentKing,renderedobstinatebythesecriticisms,plungeddeeperanddeeperinto
akindofmirewhich,afteratime,shebegantodislikeverymuch.Shehadinrealitysimpletastesofadomestickind,andmighthavebeenveryhappysewingbabyclothesifshehadmarriedapeaceablemanandkeptoutofliterarysociety.Fortunately,orunfortunately--thechoiceoftheadverbdependsupontheviewstakenofthevalueofdetailedanalysisofmarriageproblems--MissKinghadnotcomeacrossanymanofasuitablekindwhowantedtomarryher.Shehad,ontheotherhand,metalargenumberofpeoplewhopraised,andafewwhoabusedher.Shelikedtheflattery,andwaspleasedtobepointedoutasapersonofimportance.Sheregardedtheabuseasatributetothe
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valueofherwork,knowingthatalltrueprophetssufferundertheevilspeakingofacensoriousworld.Latterlyshehadbeguntoconsiderwhethershemightnotsecurethepraise,withoutincurringtheblame,bywritingnovelsofadifferentkind.Withaviewtoperfectinganewstoryofadventureandperfectlyrespectablelove,shedeterminedtoisolateherselfforacoupleofmonths.AscertainIrishmenplayedapartinherstory,shefixeduponConnachtastheplaceofherretirement,intendingtostudytheromanticCeltonhisnativesoil.AhouseadvertisedinthecolumnsofTheFieldseemedtoofferhertheopportunityshedesired.Shetookitandthefishingattachedtoit;havingbargainedwithheruncle,SirGilbertHawkesby,thatshewastoberelievedofthedutyofcatchingsalmon,andthatheshouldpayaconsiderablepartoftheheavyrentdemandedbythelocalagent.
CHAPTERII.
TheseareafewthingsbettermanagedinIrelandthaninEngland,andoneofthemisthestartingofimportantrailwaytrains.Thedeparture,forinstance,ofthemorningmailfromtheDublinterminusoftheMidlandandGreatWesternRailwayiscarriedthrough,dayafterday,withdignity.Thehourisanearlyone,7a.m.;butallthechief
officiateofthecompanyarepresent,tastefullydressed.Thereisnofuss.Passengersknowthatitistheirdutytobeatthestationnotlaterthanaquartertoseven.Iftheyhaveanyluggagetheyarrivestillearlier,fortheportersmustnotbehustled.Attenminutestoseventheproperofficialsconductthepassengerstotheircarriagesandpenthemin.Lestanyoneofindependentandrebelliousspiritshouldescape,andinsistonloiteringabouttheplatform,thedoorsofthecompartmentsarealllocked.NoIrishmanresentsthistreatment.Membersofaconqueredrace,theyaremeek,andhavelongagogivenupthehopeofbeingabletoresistthemandatesofofficialpeople.
Strangers,Englishmenontour,areeasilyrecognisedbytheirself-assertivedemeanourandill-bredoffencesagainstthesolemn
etiquetteoftherailwaycompany.Sinceitisimpossibletoteachthesepeoplemannersormeekness,theguardsandporterstreatthem,asfaraspossible,withpatientforbearance.Theymust,ofcourse,begotintothetrain,butthedoorsoftheircompartmentsarenotlocked.IthasbeenfoundbyexperiencethatEnglishtravellersobjecttobeingimprisonedwithouttrial,andquoteregulationsoftheBoardofTradeforbiddingthelockingofbothdoorsofarailwaycarriage.ThereisnothingtobegainedbyapublicwranglewithanangryEnglishman.Hecannotbegottounderstandthatlaws,thoseoftheBoardofTradeoranyother,arenotbindingonIrishofficials.Thereisonlyonewayoftreatinghimwithoutlossofdignity,andthatistogiveintohimatonce,withashrugoftheshoulders.
Thus,MissKing,enteringuponthefinalstageofherjourneytoBallymoy,reapedthebenefitofbelongingtoaconqueringandimperialrace.Shewas,indeed,putintohercompartment,afirst-classone,tenminutesbeforethetrainstarted;butherdoor,aloneofallthedoors,wasleftunlocked.Thelastsolemnminutesbeforethedepartureofthetrainpassedslowly.Gravemeninuniformparadedtheplatform,glancingoccasionallyattheirwatches.Theengine-driverwatchedfromhiscabinforthewavingofthegreenflagwhichwouldauthorisehimtopushoverhisleversandstartthetrain.Thegreatmomenthadalmostarrived.Theguardheldhiswhistletohislips,andhadthegreen
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flagreadytobeunfurled,inhislefthand.Thenatotallyunexpected,almostanunprecedented,thingoccurred.Apassengerwalkedintothestationandapproachedthetrainwiththeevidentintentionofgettingintoit.Hewasaclergyman,shabbilydressed,imperfectlyshaved,red-haired,andwearingaredmoustache.HecarriedabatteredGladstonebaginonehand.Theguardglancedathimandthendistendedhischeekswithair,meaningtoblowhiswhistle.
"Holdonaminute,"saidtheclergyman."I'mthinkingoftravellingbythistrain."
Theaudacityofthisstatementshooktheself-possessionoftheguard.
"Can'twait,"hesaid."Time'sup.Yououghttohavebeenheresooner."
Tosaythishewasobligedtotakethewhistlefromhislips;andtheengine-driver,whohadastrictsenseofduty,wasunabletostart.
"Asamatteroffact,"saidtheclergyman,"I'mnotonlyheresoonenough,I'manhourandahalftoosoon.ThetrainIintendedtocatchisthenextone."
Theguardputhiswhistletohislipsagain.
"Ifyoublowthatthing,"saidtheclergyman,"beforeI'minthetrain,I'lltakeanactionagainstthecompanyforassaultandbattery."
Theguardhesitated.Hedidnotseehowsuchanactioncouldbesustainedincourt;buthefeltthenecessityofthinkingoverhispositioncarefullybeforerunninganyrisks.Thelaw,especiallyinIreland,isacuriousthing,andnowisemanentangleshimselfwithitifhecanhelpit.Railwayguardsareallwisemen,otherwisetheywouldnothaverisentotheirhighpositions.
"NowthatIamhere,"saidtheclergyman,"Imayaswellgobythistrain.Excusemeonemoment;Iwanttogetafewnewspapers."
Thiswasgrossimpertinence,andtheguardwasinnomoodtostandit.Heblewhiswhistle.Theengineshriekedexcitedly,andthetrainstartedwithaviolentjerk.
Theclergymanseizedahandfulofnewspapersfromthebookstall.Clingingtothemandhisbagheranacrosstheplatform.Hetriedthedoorsoftwothird-classcompartmentsastheypassedhim,andfoundthemlocked.HehappenednextuponthatwhichwasoccupiedbyMissKing,openedthedoor,andtumbledin.
"I'veonlygotathird-classticket,"hesaidcheerfully;"butIshalltravelfirstclassthewholewaynow,andIshan'tpayapennyof
excessfare."
"Won'ttheymakeyou?"saidMissKing.
SherealisedthatshehadfoundanunexpectedlyearlyopportunityofstudyingthepeculiaritiesoftheIrishcharacter,anddeterminedtomakethemostofit.
"Certainlynot,"saidtheclergyman."Thepositionisthis.Ihaveathroughticket--Iboughtityesterday--whichentitlesmetotravelon
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thisrailwaytoDonard.Ifthedoorsofallthethird-classcarriagesarelockedwhenIarriveatthestation,Itakeitthatthecompanymeansmetotravelfirstclass.Theirownactionisaclearindicationoftheirintention.Thereisn'tajuryinIrelandwouldgiveitagainstme,evenifthecasecameintocourt,which,ofcourse,itwon't."
"I'mgoingtoDonard,too,"saidMissKing.
"Areyou?It'sawretchedholeofaplace.Idon'tadviseyoutostoptherelong."
"I'mnotstayingthereatall.I'mdrivingstraightontoBallymoy."
"Ifyou'reatallfamiliarwithBallymoy,Iexpectyou'veheardofme.Myname'sMeldon,theReverendJ.J.Meldon,B.A.IwascurateofBallymoyonce,andeverybodywhowasthereinmytimewillbetalkingaboutmestill.I'mgoingbacktherenowforaholiday."
"ButI'mquiteastranger,"saidMissKing."I'veneverbeeninBallymoy."
Meldonglancedatthebagwhichlayontheseatbeforeher.Therewasnolabelonit,butitboretheinitialsM.K.ingoldlettersonits
side.
"Isuppose,"hesaid,"thatyou'renotbyanychanceasisteroranieceofMajorKent's?"
"No.I'mnot.Idon'tevenknowMajorKent.MynameisKing.MillicentKing."
Aclergymanis,necessarily,moreorlesseducated.Mr.Meldonhadproclaimedhimselfabachelorofarts.Itwasnaturaltosupposethathewouldhaveknownthename,eventherealname,ofafamouslivingnovelist.Apparentlyhedidnot.MissKingfeltalittledisappointed.
"Idaresay,"saidMeldon,withoutshowinganysignsofbeingimpressed,"thatyou'regoingtostopwiththeResidentMagistrate."
"No,"saidMissKingdecisively.
"Youdon'tlooklikethesortofpersonwho'dbegoingonavisittotherectory."
MissKingwashandsomelydressed.Sheappearedtobealadyofhighfashion;notatalllikelytobeaninmateoftheshabbylittlerectoryatBallymoy.Sheshookherhead.Then,becauseshedidnotlikebeingcross-questioned,sheputanendtotheconversationbyopeningherbagandtakingoutabundleoftypewrittenpapers.Shewasquiteprepared
tostudyMr.Meldonasatype,butshesawnoreasonwhyMr.Meldonshouldstudyher.Heappearedtobefilledwithanill-bredcuriositywhichshedeterminednottosatisfy.
Meldondidnotseemtoresenthersilenceintheleast.Heleanedbackinhisseatandunfoldedoneofthepapershehadsnatchedfromthebookstall.ItwasaLondoneveningpaperofthedaybefore,andcontainedafullaccountofthelastsceneofasensationaltrialwhichhadoccupiedtheattentionofthepublicforsometime.AMrs.Lorimerwaschargedwiththemurderofherhusband.Hermethods,ifshehad
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donethedeed,werecold-bloodedandabominable;butshewasayoungandgood-lookingwoman,andthepublicwasveryanxiousthatsheshouldbeacquitted.Thejudge,SirGilbertHawkesby,summedupverystronglyagainsther;butthejury,afteraprolongedabsencefromcourt,foundher"notguilty."ThepaperpublishedaportraitofMrs.Lorimer,atwhichMeldonglanced.Suddenlyhisfaceassumedanexpressionofgreatinterest.Hestudiedtheportraitcarefully,andthenlookedatMissKing.Shesatattheotherendofthecarriage,andhesawherfaceinprofileasshebentoverherpapers.Mrs.Lorimer'ssidefacewasrepresentedinthepicture;andshe,too,wasbendingoversomething.Meldonlaiddownthepaperandtookupanother,thistimeanIrishmorningpaper.ItcontainedaninterviewwithMrs.Lorimer,securedbyanenterprisingreporterafterthetrial.Meldonreadthis,andthenturnedtothemagazinepageandstudiedthepictureoftheladywhichappearedthere.InitMrs.Lorimerworeahat,anditwasagainhersidefacewhichwasrepresented.MeldonlookedfromittoMissKing.Thelikenesswasquiteunmistakable.Hetookupathirdpaper,aprofuselyillustratedpennydaily.Hefound,asheexpected,apictureofMrs.Lorimer.Thiswasafull-lengthportrait,butthefacecameoutclearly.MeldontookuptheIrishpaperagain,andre-readverycarefullytheinterviewwiththereporterontheeveningofthetrial.ThenhefoldedupallthreepapersandleanedovertowardsMissKing.
"Youmustexcuseme,"hesaid,"ifIdidn'trecogniseyoujustnow.
YouputmeoutbygivingyournameasMissKing.I'mmuchmorefamiliarwithyourothername.Everybodyis,youknow."
MissKingwasmollifiedbytheapology.Shelookedupfromherpapersandsmiled.
"Howdidyoufindmeout?"sheasked.
"Byyourpictureinthepapers,"hesaid."Ifyou'llallowmetosayso,it'saparticularlygoodlikenessandwellreproduced.Ofcourse,inyourcase,they'dtakeparticularcarenottoprinttheusualkindofsmudge."
MissKingwasstronglyinclinedtoaskforthepapers.Herportraithad,sheknew,appearedintheIllustratedLondonNewsandintwoliteraryjournals.Shedidnotknowthatithadbeenreproducedinthedailypress.Thenewsexcitedandpleasedhergreatly.Shehadashortstrugglewithherself,inwhichself-respecttriumphed.Shedidnotaskforthepapers,butassumedanairofboredindifference.
"They'realwayspublishingmyphotograph,"shesaid."Ican'timaginewhytheydoit."
"Iquiteunderstandnow,"saidMeldon,"whyyou'regoingdowntoBallymoy.Youcouldn'tgotoabetterplaceforprivacyandquiet;completequiet.I'msureyouwantit."
"Yes,"saidMissKing."IfeelthatIdo.NowthatyouknowwhoIam,youwillunderstand.IchoseBallymoybecauseitseemedsoveryremotefromeverywhere."
ShedidnotthinkitnecessarytomentionthatshewantedtostudytheIrishcharacter.NowthatMeldonwastalkinginaninterestingwayshefeltinclinedtoencouragehimtorevealhimself.
"Quiteright.Itis.Idon'tknowaremoterplace.Nobodywillknow
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youthere,andifanybodyguesses,I'llmakeitmybusinesstoputthemoffthescentatonce.Butthere'llbenonecessityforthat.Thereisn'tamanintheplacewillconnectMissKingwiththeotherlady.Allthesame,Idon'tthinkI'dstoptoolongatDoyle'shotelifIwereyou.Doyleisfrightfullycuriousaboutpeople."
"I'mnotstoppingthere,"saidMissKing."Ihavetakenahouse."
"Whathouse?IknowBallymoyprettywell,andthereisn'tahouseinityoucouldtakefurnished,excepttheplacethatbelongedtooldSirGilesBuckley."
"I'vetakenthatfortwomonths,"saidMissKing.
Meldonwhistledsoftly.Hewassurprised.BallymoyHouse,evenifletatalowrent,isanexpensiveplacetolivein.
"Myservantswentdownthereyesterday,"saidMissKing.Sheopenedherbagandgropedamongthecontentsasshespoke.
"WouldyoubeverymuchshockedifIsmokedacigarette?"sheasked.
"Notintheleast,"saidMeldon."Ismokemyself."
"Iwasafraid--beingaclergyman--youareaclergyman,aren'tyou?Somepeoplearesoprejudicedagainstladiessmoking."
"I'mnot,"saidMeldon."I'mremarkablyfreefromprejudicesofanykind.Ipridemyselfonbeingopen-minded.Mywifedoesn'tsmoke,butthat'smerelybecauseshedoesn'tlikeit.Ifshedid,Ishouldn'tmaketheslightestobjection.Allthesame,yououghtn'ttogopuffingcigarettesaboutthestreetsofBallymoy.TheMajor'sabitold-fashionedinsomeways,andIdon'texpectDoyleisaccustomedtoseeladiessmoking.You'llhavetobeverycareful.Ifyoustartpeopletalkingtheymayfindoutwhoyouare,andthentherewillcertainlybeunpleasantness."
"Wouldtheydisapproveofme?"
"Almostsureto.WeIrishhavethenameofbeingawildlot,Iknow;but--well,ifyoudon'tmindmysayingso,mostofuswouldberathershyofyou.Idon'tmindyoumyselfintheleast,ofcourse.I'mnotthatkindofman.Still,yourreputation!You'vebeenagooddealinthepapers,haven'tyou?"
MissKing,curiouslyenough,seemedpleasedatthisaccountofherreputation.Itisgratifyingtoanovelisttobefamous,andevennotorietyispleasant.Shefeltthat,havingbravedthecensureofLadyHawkesby,shecouldaffordtodespisethemoralityofthepeopleofBallymoy.
"TheMajor?"shesaid."You'vementionedhimonceortwice.Whatsortofmanishe?Doesmyworkshockhim?"
"Iexpectitdoes,"saidMeldon."Ihaven'tseenhimforsometime,andsowehaven'tdiscussedyou.ButfromwhatIknowofhimIshouldsaythatyourwork,asyoucallit,willshockhimfrightfully.Youcan'taltogetherblamehim.He'sabachelor,andhasverystrictideasaboutawife'sdutytoherhusband."
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MissKingwasmovedbyadesiretostartleMeldon.Shewasreallyengagedonquiteaninnocentnovel,butshechosetopretendthatshewasgoingoninheroldway.
"Whatwillhesay,"shesaid,"whenhefindsoutthatI'mgoingonwithmyworkunderhisveryeyes,sotospeak,inBallymoy?"
Meldonsatupsuddenly.
"Youdon'tmeanthat?Surelyyoucan'tintend--"
"Nowyou'reshocked,"saidMissKing,"andyousaidyouwouldn'tbe."
"Iamalittle.Ididn'tthinkIcouldbe.ButIam.Ineverimagined--"
"Butthat'sexactlywhatI'mgoingtoBallymoyfor.IwantcompletequietinalonelyplacewhereIshan'tbedisturbed."
"Ofcourse,it'snobusinessofmine,"saidMeldon."Butdon'tyouthinkthatperhapsyou'vedoneenough?"
"No.Ihaveagreatdealtodoyet.Ifitweresimplyaquestionofearningmoney--"
Meldonlookedather.Shewasverywelldressed.Thebagwhichlayopenathersidewasfittedwithsilver-toppedbottles.Hercigarettecaseappearedtobeofgold.Shewastravellingfirstclass.ShehadtakenBallymoyHousefortwomonths.Hewasquitereadytobelievethatshedidnotwantmoney.
"Doyoumeantosaythatyou'redoingitsimplyforamusement?"heasked.
"No.Notamusement."Hervoicedroppedtoakindofsolemnwhisper."Fortheloveofmyart."
MissKingtookherselfveryseriouslyindeed,andwasaccustomedtotalkagooddealaboutherart.Literarypeoplewhomighthaveknownbetter,andcriticswhocertainlydidknowbetter,encouragedher.Theyalsotalkedaboutherart.
"Ofcourse,ifyoulookatitthatway,"saidMeldon,"there'snomoretobesaid;butyoumustn'texpectmetohelpyou."
"You!"
"No.AsaclergymanIcan'tpossiblydoit.NorwilltheMajor,unlesshe'sgreatlychanged.Idon'texpectDoylewilleither.He'spresidentofthelocalbranchoftheLeague,butI'msurehedrawsthe
lineat--"
"ButIdon'twantanyofyoutohelpme.WhyshouldI?"
"I'mgladtohearthat,atallevents,"saidMeldon."For,unlessunderveryexceptionalcircumstances,Icouldn'tconscientiouslyassistyouinanyway."
"Yousaidjustnow,"saidMissKing,"thatyouhadnoprejudices,andthatnothingshockedyou."
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"Veryfewthingsdo,"saidMeldon."InfactIcan'trecollecteverhavingbeenshockedbefore;butthisideaisalittlenewtome.IcandidlyconfessthatInever--hullo!We'reslowingdownintoastation.NowIexpectthere'llbetroubleaboutmyticket."
Therewas--considerabletrouble.ButMeldonemergedfromitvictoriously.Heflatlyrefusedtomovefromthecarriageinwhichhesat.Theguard,thestation-master,aticket-collector,andfourportersgatheredroundthedoorandarguedwithhim.Meldonarguedfluentlywiththem.Intheendtheytookhisnameandaddress,threateninghimwithprosecution.Then,becausethetrainwasamailtrainandobligedtogoon,theguardblewhiswhistleandMeldonwasleftinpeace.
"It'sanuisance,"hesaidtoMissKing,"beingworriedbythosemen.Iwantedtosendatelegram,butIcouldn't.IfI'dventuredoutofthecarriagethey'dneverhaveletmebackagain.TheMajorwon'tbeexpectingmetillthenexttrain.Ionlycaughtthisonebyaccident."
"Byaccident?"
"Yes.ThefactisIwasupearlythismorning,wakenedbymylittledaughter,ababynotquitetwoyearsoldyet.ItoldyouIwas
married,didn'tI?ThepoorchildwasupsetbythejourneyfromEngland,anddidn'tsleepproperly.WhenshehadmewakenedIthoughtImightaswellgetup.Iintendedtostrolluptowardsthestationquietly.IwalkedratherfasterthanImeantto,andwhenIgotwithinaboutthreehundredyardsofthestationIdiscoveredthatImightjustcatchthistrainbyrunning;so,ofcourse,Iran.I'mverygladIdidnow.IfIhadn'tIshouldn'thavemetyou."
"Whatdidyoudowiththebaby?"
"Ididn'tdropherontheway,ifthat'swhatyou'rethinkingof.I'mnotthatkindofmanatall,andIamparticularlyfondofthechild.Iscarcelyevercomplainwhenshekeepsmeawakeatnight,thoughmany
menIknowwouldwanttosmotherher.Sheandmywifearestoppingwithmymother-in-lawinRathmines.I'mgoingdownforafortnight'syachtingwiththeMajor.Imightpersuadehimtogiveyouaday'ssailing,perhaps,ifhedoesn'tfindoutwhoyouare,andwesucceedinkeepingitdarkaboutyourgoingonwithyourwork.Idaresayitwouldcheeryouuptogooutonthebay.Iexpectyoufindyourworkprettytrying."
"Itisverytrying.Ioftenfeelcompletelyexhaustedattheendoftheday."
"Nervestrain,"saidMeldon."Idon'twonder.It'samarvelhowyoustandit."
"ThenIcan'tsleep,"saidMissKing."OftenIcan'tsleepfortwoorthreenightstogether."
"Itsurprisesmetohearthatyoueversleepatall.Don'ttheyhauntyou?I'vealwaysheard--"
"Mypeople?"
"Yes,yourpeople,ifthat'swhatyoucallthem.I'dhavethought
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they'dneverhaveletyoualone."
"Someofthemdohauntme.IoftencrywhenIthinkofthem.It'sveryfoolish,ofcourse;butinspiteofmyselfIcry."
"Thenwhyonearthdoyougoonwithit?"
"It'smyart,"saidMissKing.
"I'mnotanartistmyself,"saidMeldon,"inanysenseoftheword,soIcan'texactlyenterintoyourfeelings;butIshouldsay,speakingasacompleteoutsider,thattheproperthingforyouwouldbetodropthewholething,taketosmokingapipeinsteadofthosehorridscentedcigarettes,drinkabottleofporterbeforeyougotobed,andthensleepsound."
MissKingsighed.TherewassomethingintheidealwhichMeldonsetbeforeherwhichwasveryattractive.Thedetailssheignored.Bottledporterwasnotadrinkshecaredfor,andnowoman,howeveremancipated,likesapipe.Inspiteofthesatisfactionshefoundinherliterarysuccess,therewasinheradesireforquietandrestfulwaysoflife.Therewasnodoubtthatshewouldsleepsounderatnightifshelivedsimply,somewhereinthecountry,andforgottheexcitementsofthenovelist'sart.Meldon,indeed,didnotseemto
enjoyabsolutelyunbrokenrestatnight;butMissKing'simagination,althoughshewroteimpropernovels,didnotinsistonrepresentingababyasaninevitablepartofdomesticatedlife.Shegotnofurtherthanthedreamofapeacefulhouse,withthefigureofaninoffensivehusbandsomewhereinthebackground.
CHAPTERIII.
Meldonstretchedhimselfinadeepchairandlithispipe.Hehaddinedtohisownsatisfaction,eatingwithanappetitewhettedbythe
longdrivefromtherailwaystation.Hehadbeforehimaclearfortnight'sholiday,andintendedtoenjoyittothefull.MajorKent'shousewascomfortable;histobacco,whichMeldonsmoked,wasgood;hisyacht,theSpindrift,layreadyforacruise.
"To-morrow,"hesaid,"Ishallstrollroundandseemyoldfriends.I'mboundtodothat;and,inpointoffact,Iwantto.It'sthreeyearssinceIleft,andI'mlongingforalookatDoyleandtherestofthem.Thenextday,iftheweatherisanywaymoderate,wecangosailing.IsupposeBallymoyisn'tmuchchanged.IshallfindeveryoneexactlyasIleftthem.Thingsdon'taltermuchinplaceslikethiswhereyoutakelifeeasy."
"Theplaceischanged,"saidMajorKent;"changedfortheworse.You'dhardlyknowit."
"NothinghashappenedtoDoyle,Ihope.I'dbesorryifpoorDoylehadtakentodrink,orgonebankrupt,orgotmarried,oranythingofthatsort.IalwayslikedDoyle."
"Doyle,"saidtheMajorsadly,"issufferinglikeeverybodyelse."
"Newpriest?"
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"No.FatherMorony'salivestill."
"They'renotpilingontheratesunderthepretenceofgettingawatersupply,orrunningschemesoftechnicaleducation,orgivingscholarshipsinthenewuniversity,arethey?Doylewouldhavemoresensethantoallowthemtobreakoutintoanyrecklesswasteofpublicmoney."
"No."
"Thenwhat'sthematterwithyou?I'venoticedthatyou'relookingprettyglumeversinceIarrived.Let'shavethetrouble,whateveritis.Ihaveafortnightbeforeme,andIneedscarcelysay,Major,thatifIcansetthingsrightintheplace,Idon'tmindsacrificingmyholidayintheleast.I'mquitepreparedtoturntoandstraightenoutanytanglethatmayhavearisensinceIleft."
"I'msureyou'ddoyourbest,J.J."--theMajordroppednaturallyintohisoldwayofaddressinghisfriendbyhisinitials--"butIdon'tthinkyoucanhelpusthistime."
MajorKentsighedheavilyandstruckamatch.Hispipehadgoneout.
"Icertainlycan't,"saidMeldon,"ifyouwon'ttellmewhatitisthattroublesyou."
"It'sthatdamnedSimpkins,"saidtheMajor.
"Simpkinsmayormaynotbedamnedhereafter,"saidMeldon."IoffernoopiniononthatpointuntilIhearwhoheisandwhathe'sdone.Hecan'tbedamnedyet,assuminghimtobestillalive.That'sanelementarytheologicaltruthwhichyououghttoknow;and,infact,mustknow.Itwillbeagreatdealmoresatisfactorytomeifyouuselanguageaccurately.Saythat'damnableSimpkins'ifyou'requitesurehedeservesit;butdon'tcallhimdamneduntilheis."
"Hedoesdeserveit."
"Ifhedoes,"saidMeldon--"I'mnot,ofcourse,certainyetthathedoes--butifhedoes,I'lldomybesttoseethathegetsit;butIwon'tactinthedark.Ihaveasenseofjusticeandaconscience,andIabsolutelydeclinetopersecuteandharryamansimplybecauseyoudon'tlikehim.WhoisthisSimpkins?Isheanykindofgovernmentinspector?"
"He'sanagentthatthey'vesentdownheretomanagetheBuckleyestates."
"Well,Idon'tseeanythingwrongaboutthat.Isupposetheremustbe
anagent.IcouldunderstandDoyleobjectingtohimonthegroundofhisprofession.DoyleisthePresidentoftheLeague,and,ofcourse,he'sexofficioobligedtodislikelandagentspassionately;butIdidn'texpectyoutotakethatline,Major.You'realoyalist.AtleastyouusedtobewhenIwashere,andit'sjustasplainlyyourdutytosupportagentsasitisDoyle'stoabusethem."
"Idon'tobjecttohimbecausehe'sanagent,"saidMajorKent."Iobjecttohimbecausehe'sameddlesomeass,andkeepsthewholeplaceincontinualhotwater."
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"Verywell.That'sadistinctanddefinitecharge.Ifyoucanproveit,I'lltakethematterupanddealwiththeman.Passthetobacco."
Meldonfilledandlithispipe.ThenhegotupandwalkedacrosstoMajorKent'swriting-table.Hechoseoutapen,tookaquantityofnotepaperandabottleofink.Withthemhereturnedtohisarmchairandsatdown.Heputtheink-bottleonthearmofthechairand,crossinghislegs,proppedthepaperonhisknee.
"Dobecareful,J.J.,"saidtheMajor."You'llcertainlyupsetthatink-bottle,andthisisanewcarpet."
"Weareengagednow,"saidMeldon,"onaseriousinvestigation.Youhavedemandedthatacertainmanshouldbepunishedinaperfectlyfrightfulmanner.I'veagreedtocarryoutyourwishes,if--markmywords--ifhedeservesit.Yououghtnottobethinkingofcarpetsorink-bottles.Yourmindoughttobeconcentratedonasingleefforttotellthetruth.It'snotsuchaneasythingtotellthetruthasyouthink.Lotsofmentrytoandfail.Infact,I'mnotsurethatanymancouldtellthetruthunlesshe'shadsometraininginmetaphysicsandtheology.WhenIwasincollegeItookhonoursinlogic--"
"You'veoftenmentionedthattomebefore,"saidtheMajor."It'sone
ofthethingsaboutyouthatIhavemostfirmlyfixedinmymind."
"AndIwonaprizeforprovingtheaccuracyoftheThirty-nineArticles.Consequently,Imaysay,withoutboasting,thatI'mmoreorlessofanexpertinthematteroftruth.Mymindistrained.Yours,ofcourse,isn't.That'swhyI'mtryingtohelpyoutotellthetruth.ButIwon't--infact,Ican't--goonhelpingyouifyouwanderoffontosideissuesaboutink-bottlesandcarpets."
Hewavedhishandoratoricallyashespoke,andtippedtheink-bottleoffthearmofthechair.
"There,"saidtheMajor,"Iknewyou'ddothat."
"Nevermind,"saidMeldon."Ihaveapencilinmypocket.I'llworkwithit."
TheMajorseizedtheblotting-paperfromhiswriting-tableandwentdownonhiskneesonthecarpet.
"Whenyou'vefinishedmakingthatmessworsethanitis,"saidMeldon,"andcoveringyourownfingersalloverwithinkinsuchawaythatitwilltakedaysofcarefulrubbingwithpumice-stonetogetthemclean,perhapsyou'llgoontellingmewhyyoucallthisfellowSimpkinsameddlesomeass.Iwasupearlythismorning,owingtothebaby'sbeingrestlessduringthenight.DidImentiontoyouthatshe'sgot
whooping-cough?Well,shehas,andittakesherintheformofarapidsuccessionoffits,beginningat10p.m.andlastingtilleightthenextmorning.Thatwaswhathappenedlastnight,so,asyou'llreadilyunderstand,Iwanttogettobedingoodtimeto-night.Itmay,itprobablywill,takehourstodragyourgrievanceoutofyou,andIdon'tseeanyuseinwastingtimeatthestart."
"Ipaidtwentyguineasforthatcarpet,"saidtheMajor."It'saPersianone."
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"HasthatanythingtodowithSimpkins?Didheforceyoutobuythecarpet,ordidhetrytopreventyou?"
"No,hedidn't.Iwouldn'tletthebeastinsidethishouse."
"Verywellthen.Don'tgoonaboutthecarpet.TellmeplainlyandstraightforwardlywhyyoucallSimpkinsameddlesomeass."
"Becausehepokeshisnoseintoeverybody'sbusiness,"saidtheMajor,"andwon'tletpeoplealone."
Meldontookanoteonasheetofpaper.
"Good,"hesaid."Simpkins--meddlesomeass--pokeshisnoseintoeverybody'sbusiness.Now,whoiseverybody?"
"Whoiswhat,J.J.?"
"Whoiseverybody?That'splainenough,isn'tit?Forinstance,areyoueverybody?"
"No,I'mnot.HowcouldIbe?"
"ThenItakeitthatSimpkinshasnotpokedhisnoseintoyour
business.IsDoyleeverybody?"
"Hehaspokedhisnoseintomybusiness."
"Becarefulnow,Major.You'rebeginningtocontradictyourself.Whatbusinessofyourshashepokedhisnoseinto?Wasitthecarpet?"
"No.Itoldyouhehadnothingtodowiththecarpet.Hemadeabeastlyfussaboutmyfishingintheriverabovethebridge.Hethreatenedtoprosecuteme."
"Hemayhavebeenperfectlyjustifiedinthat,"saidMeldon."Whatrighthaveyoutofishintheupperpartoftheriver?"
"Ialwaysfishedthere.I'vefishedthereforthirtyyearsandmore."
"Thesequestionsoffishingrights,"saidMeldon,"areoftenextremelycomplicated.Theremayverywellbesomethingtobesaidonbothsides.Idon'tthinkIcanproceedtodealwithSimpkinsinthewayyousuggest,unlesshehasdonesomethingworsethaninterferewithyourfishing.Whatelsehaveyougotagainsthim?"
"HetriedtostirupthedispensarydoctortoprosecuteDoyleonaccountoftheinsanitaryconditionofsomeofhishouses."
"Iexpecthewasperfectlyrightthere,"saidMeldon."FromwhatI
recollectofthosehousesthatDoyleletsIshouldsaythatherichlydeservesprosecution."
"Nobodywaseverillinthehouses,"saidtheMajor."Therehasn'tbeenacaseoftyphoidinthetownaslongasIcanremember."
"That'snotthepoint,"saidMeldon."You'relookingatthematterinthewrongwayaltogether.Thereneveristyphoidanywhereuntilyoubegintobesanitary.Theabsenceoftyphoidsimplygoestoshowthatsanitationhasbeenentirelyneglected.That'sprobablyoneof
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Simpkins'strongestpoints."
"Ifthat'sso,we'dbebetterwithoutsanitation."
"Certainlynot,"saidMeldon."Youmightjustaswellsaythatwe'dbebetterwithoutmatchesbecausechildrenneverdiedofeatingtheheadsoffthembeforetheywereinvented.WhichremindsmethatIcaughtthebabyintheactoftryingtoswallowablack-headedpintheotherday;andthat,ofcourse,wouldhavebeenagreatdealworsethangettingwhooping-cough.Thethinghadbeenstuckintotheheadofawoollybearbywayofaneye.Shepulleditout,whichIthinkshowsintelligence,and--"
"Ithoughtyousaid,J.J.,thatyouwantedtogetthroughwiththisenquiryandgotobed."
"Ido,"saidMeldon."ButInaturallyexpectedyou'dtakesomeinterestinthementaldevelopmentofmybaby.Afterall,she'syourgodchild.Youwouldn'thavelikeditifshe'dswallowedthatpin.However,ifyoudon'tcaretohearabouther,Iwon'tforceheronyourattention.GoonaboutDoyleandthedrains.Whathappened?"
"Thedoctorrefusedtoact,ofcourse,"saidtheMajor.
"Naturally,"saidMeldon;"hedidn'tcareaboutbringingtyphoidintothetown."
"You'dhavethoughtSimpkinswouldhavedroppeditthen,buthedidn't.HereportedthedoctortotheBoardofGuardiansforneglectofduty."
"We'regettingon,"saidMeldon,takinganoteonafreshsheetofpaper."YoustartedouttoprovethatSimpkinsisameddlesomeass.You'vegothalfway.He'scertainlyanass.Didn'theknowthatDoylewaschairmanoftheBoardofGuardians?"
"Hemusthaveknownthat,ofcourse."
"Thenhe'sanass.Noonewhowasn'tanasscouldpossiblyexpectDoyletopassavoteofcensureonthedoctorfornotprosecutinghimabouthisdrains.Youneedn'telaboratethatpointfurther.Iadmitit.ButIdon'tseeyetthatyou'veprovedanyactualmalice.Lotsofquitegoodmenareasses,andmeantodowhat'sright.Simpkinsmayhavebeenactingfromamistakensenseofduty."
"Hewasn't.Hewasactingfromafiendishdelightinworryingpeaceablepeople."
"Provethat,"saidMeldon,"andI'llmakethemansorryforhimself.There'snocrimeIknowmoredetestablethannaggingandworryingwiththeintentionofmakingotherpeopleuncomfortable.Inaproperly
civilisedsocietymenwhodothatwouldbehanged."
"IwishSimpkinswashanged."
"Proveyourpoint,"saidMeldon,"andI'llseethatheishanged,oratalleventskilledinsomeotherway."
"There'snousetalkingthatway,J.J.Youcan'tgooutandmurdertheman."
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"Itwon'tbemurderinthiscase,"saidMeldon."Itwillbeaperfectlyjustexecution,andIshan'tdoitmyself.I'maclergyman,andnotanexecutioner.ButI'llseethatit'sdoneonceI'mperfectlysatisfiedthathedeservesit."
"Hehadarowwiththerectoratavestrymeeting,"saidtheMajor,"abouttheheatingofthechurch."
"Thatsettlesit,"saidMeldon."Iaskfornothingmore.Themanwho'scapableofannoyingthepooroldrector,whohaschronicbronchitisandmustkeepthechurchuptoaprettyfairtemperature--"
"WhatSimpkinssaidwasthatthechurchwasn'thotenough."
"It'sallthesame,"saidMeldon."Thepointisthatheworriedtherector,who'snotphysicallystrongenoughtobearit,andwhocertainlydoesnotdeserveit.Ididn'tmindhisattackingyouorDoyle.Youcanbothhitback,andifyouwereanygoodwouldhavehitbacklongagoinawaywhichSimpkinswouldhavedislikedintensely.Butaclergymanisdifferent.Hecan'tdefendhimself.Heisobliged,bythemerefactofbeingaclergyman,tositdownundereveryspeciesofinsultwhichanyill-conditionedcorner-boychoosestoslingathim.Therewasafellowinmyparish,whenIfirstwentthere,whothoughthe'dbeperfectlysafeinraggingmebecauseheknewIwasaparson.
Nolaterthanthismorningahorridrabbleofrailwayporters,andpeopleofthatsort,triedtobullyme,because,owingtotheirownridiculousofficiousness,Iwasforcedtotravelfirstclassonathird-classticket.TheythoughttheycoulddowhattheylikedwithimpunitywhentheysawIwasaclergyman.Youdon'tknowhowcommonthatkindofanti-clericalspiritis.Simpkinsisevidentlyswelledoutwithit.It'sgoingnow,likeanepidemic.LookatFranceandItaly.TheonechancewehaveofkeepingIrelandfreefromitistoisolateeachcasethemomentitappears.ByfarthewisestthingwecandoistohaveSimpkinskilledatonce."
"Idon'tquiteseehowyouaregoingtomanageit,J.J.,withoutbeinghangedyourself."
"Isheamarriedman?"
"No,heisn't."
"Thenthematter'sperfectlysimple.Idon'tthinkImentionedtoyou,Major,thatItravelleddowninthetrainto-daywithaprofessionalmurderess."
"Dotrytotalksense,J.J."
"Herspecialityishusbands,"saidMeldon."Idon'tknowexactlyhowmanyshehasdoneforinhertime,buttheremustbeseveral.Shesaid
theirghostshauntedheratnight,andthatsometimesshecouldn'tsleeponaccountofthem."
"Isuppose,"saidMajorKent,"thatitamusesyoutobabblelikeanidiotinanasylum."
"Itdoesn'tamusemeintheleast.IfeeldesperatelydepressedwhenIthinkofthosepoorfellowslyingintheirgraveswithouncesandouncesofstrychnineintheirstomachs.That'snotthekindofthingIconsideramusing,thoughyoumay.MissKingdoesn'tconsiderit
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amusingeither.Shesaidsheoftencrieswhenshethinksofhervictims,andveryoftenshecan'tsleepatnight."
"MissKing!"saidtheMajor."That'sthenameoftheladywhohastakenBallymoyHouseforthesummer."
"Exactly.TheladywhomIproposetomarrytoyourfriendSimpkins."
"GoodLord!J.J.Why?Whathasthepoorwomandone?"
"It'snotsomuchwhatshehasdone,"saidMeldon,"thatmakesmethinkshe'dbeasuitablematchforSimpkins.It'swhatshewilldo.She'llmurderhim."
"Nonsense."
"It'snotnonsense.Shewill.ShetoldmeherselfthatshehascometoBallymoyfortheexpresspurposeofmurderinganotherhusband.Shesaidshewantedquietandsecurityfrominterruptioninordertogoonwithherwork."
"You'regoingmad,J.J.;starkmad.I'msorryforyou."
"Igotintothecarriagewithherthismorningbythemerestaccident,"
saidMeldon."Ifthebabyhadn'tgotwhooping-coughafortnightago,andkeptmeawakeallnight,Ishouldn'thavecaughttheearlytrain.Ididn'tmeantocatchit.DirectlyIlookedatherIsawthatshewasaremarkablewoman.You'venotseenheryet?"
"No,"saidtheMajor,"Ihaven't,andIdon'tparticularlywantto."
"Herfaceseemedmoreorlessfamiliartome,"saidMeldon."You'llrecogniseit,too,whenyouseeit.Ormoreprobablyyouwon't.IsupposeyoustillreadnothingbutTheTimes,anditdoesn'tpublishtheportraitsofcelebrities."
"IsMissKingacelebrity?Ineverheardofher."
"Notunderthatname;butwhenImentionthatherrealnameisMrs.Lorimer,you'llrememberallabouther."
"Thewomanwhowastriedtheotherdayformurderingherhusband,andgotoff."
"Precisely,"saidMeldon."Ihappened,bythemerestchance,tohavefiveportraitsofherinthreedifferentpapers.IcomparedthemcarefullywithMissKing,andIhaven'ttheslightestdoubtthatshe'sthesamewoman."
"You'reprobablyquitemistaken,"saidtheMajor."Thosepicturesin
thedailypapersarenevertheleastlikethepersonthey'resupposedtorepresent."
"Imighthavebeenmistaken,thoughIveryseldomam;butinthiscaseIcertainlywasnot.SheseemedquitepleasedwhenIsaidIrecognisedher,andtoldmefranklythatshehadmurderedseveralhusbands,andhopedtolivetomurdermanymore.Iurgedhertogiveitup.BeingaclergymanIwasboundtodothat.Butitwasn'ttheleastuse.Shesaiditwasherart;andyouknow,Major,whenpeoplestarttalkingaboutart,itsimplymeansthattheyaredeadtoallsenseofmorality.
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Itdoesn'tintheleastmatterwhattheartis.Theeffectisalwaysthesame.That'sthereasonI'vemadeupmymindnottoallowmydaughtertolearndrawing.Iwon'thavehermoralsensebluntedwhileshe'syoung.Idon'tdenythatpicturesandbooksandmusicaregreatthingsintheirway,butasimplesenseofrightandwrong,oftruthandfalsehood,aremuchmoreimportant.I'msureyouagreewithmeinthat."
"Iwishtogoodnessyouhadsomesenseofrightandwrongyourself."
"Ihave,"saidMeldon,"IfIhadn'tIshouldsimplyenjoymyselfduringthisholiday,asI'mquiteentitledtodo.InsteadofwhichImeantodevotemytimetothetroublesometaskofmarryingSimpkins,whomIdon'tknowatall,toaladywhomIhaveonlyseenonce.IfIhadn'taremarkablypushingsortofaconscienceIwouldn'tsacrificemyselfinthatway."
"Shewon'tmarrySimpkins,"saidtheMajor.
"Ohyes,shewill.Idon'tanticipateanydifficultyaboutthatpartoftheprogramme."
"Waittillyou'veseenSimpkins.Waittillyou'vetalkedtohim.NowomanwouldmarrySimpkins."
"MissKingwill,"saidMeldon."Shewantsamanonwhomtopractiseherart,andshe'llbeallthebetterpleasedifhe'saparticularlyundesirablekindofbeast.Shewon'tfindherselfregrettinghimafterwards.Nowthatwehavethatsettled,Major,IthinkI'lldodgeofftobed.Idon'tmindconfessingtoyouthatI'mjustasgladthatIshan'thavethebabyinherlittlecotbesideme.I'mextremelyfondofthechild,butshe'salittletryingatnight;thefitsofcoughingcomeonatsuchfrequentintervals."
CHAPTERIV.
MajorKent,likemostmenwholeadanopen-airlife,hadahealthyappetiteatbreakfast-time.Histablewasalwayswellsuppliedwitheggs,bacon,and,whenpossible,fish.InhonourofMeldon'svisit,hehadacoldhamonthesideboard,andalargedishofoatmealporridge.Hewasamanofprimitivehospitality,andhesurveyedthefeastwithanairofproudsatisfactionwhilehewaitedforhisguest.Hehadtowaitforaquarterofanhour,andhisglowofpleasurewasbeginningtogivewaytoafeelingofirritationwhenMeldonburstintotheroom.
"Thisplace,"hesaid,bywayofapologyforhisunpunctuality,"iscertainlythesleepiestintheworld.Ihadforgottenhowsleepyit
is.Ididn'tsomuchasturnroundinbedforninesolidhours,andIassureyouIneverfeltlessinclinedtogetupinmylife.IdaresayI'llgetoveritinadayortwo;butjustatpresentIfeelthatthenightwasn'tlongenough."
"Havesomebreakfast,"saidtheMajor,"andthenyoucangotosleepagain."
Meldonhelpedhimselftoporridgeandmilk.
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"No,Ican't,"hesaid."I'vetoomuchtodo."
Heworkedthroughahelpingofbaconandeggs.Thenheattackedthecoldham.
"There'snothing,"hesaid,"likeagoodbreakfastwhenyouhaveahardday'sworkbeforeyou.Iexpecttobeprettybusy,andI'llhardlybeinforlunch.Isupposeyou'venoobjectiontomymakingmyselfafewsandwichesbeforeIstart?Imaypickupamealsomewhereinthecourseoftheday,butImaynot.It'salwayswelltobeonthesafeside."
"Whatareyougoingtodo?"
"I'mgoingtomarrySimpkinstoMissKing,ofcourse.Ithoughtwesettledthatlastnight."
"Don'tkeepupthatjoke,J.J.Itwasallverywellpullingmyleglastnight,andIdidn'tminditabit;butathinglikethatgetstobestalethenextmorning."
"There'snojokethatIcansee,"saidMeldon."Ifyoureadthepaperswithanysortofattentionlately,you'dunderstandthatMrs.Lorimeristhelastwomanintheworldwhocanberegardedascomic."
"Weweren'ttalkingaboutMrs.Lorimer."
"Yes,wewere.WeweretalkingaboutMissKing,andsheisMrs.Lorimer;althoughatpresentshepreferstobecalledMissKing.Ithinkshe'squiteright.ItwouldbeextremelybadtastetogoonusingpoorLorimer'snameafterwhatshedidtohim.Hewouldn'tlikeit.Youwouldn'tlikeityourself,Major,ifshe'dkilledyou."
"Idon'tknowthatshedidkillhim,"saidtheMajor."Evensupposingthatyou'rerightinidentifyingthetwowomen--whichofcourseyou'renot--you'dstillhavenoearthlyrighttoassumethatMrs.Lorimerisamurderess.Thejuryfoundherinnocent."
"Ofcourseitdid.Anyjurywould.She'samostattractive-lookingwoman.You'dhavefoundherinnocentyourselfifyou'dbeenonthatjury."
"Iwouldnot."
"Yes,youwould.I'veseenher,remember.Youhaven't,soyoucan'tpossiblytellwhatyou'dhavedone."
"Idon'tsee,"saidtheMajor,"thatherbeinggood-lookingprovesthatshemurderedherhusband."
"No,itdoesn't,butitaccountsforthejurylettingheroff.Theevidencewasamplysufficientforaconviction,andthejudgesummedupdeadagainsther.Andanywayitdoesn'tmattertousabouttheevidence,forsheowneduptomeinthetrain.ItoldherI'dkeephersecretforher,andIdon'tintendtotellanybodyexceptyou.Apartfromherfeelingsaltogetheritwouldn'tsuitusforthestorytogetoutinBallymoy.Simpkinswouldbechokedoffatonceifheknewit.Menhavesucharidiculousprejudiceagainstmarryingawomanwithanysortofpast."
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"Idon'tthinkSimpkinswouldmind,"saidtheMajor,"ifhethoughtshehadanymoney.That'sthekindofbeastheis."
"Shehasplenty,"saidMeldon,"Lorimer's,Idaresay.Atleastshelooksasifshehadplenty,andthat'sthesamethinginthiscase.IfSimpkinsmarriesher,it'sextremelyunlikelythathe'lllivelongenoughtofindoutwhethershereallyhasalargefortune,orissimplyspendinghercapital."
AfterbreakfastMajorKentreturnedtothesubjectofMissKing.
"Isuppose,"hesaid,"thatyou'reabsolutelycertainthatyou'vegotaholdoftherightwoman?Youcouldn'tbemakinganysortofmistake?"
"ItoldyoulastnightthatIwascertain,andIgaveyoumyreasons;prettyconvincingonesIimagine--thesortofreasonsthatwouldbeconclusivetoanymanatallaccustomedtocriminalinvestigation.Idon'tmyselfseehowyoucangetbehindtheportraitandthelady'sownconfession."
"Youcouldn'tpossiblyhavemistakenaboutthat,couldyou?Imeanshecouldn'thavebeenconfessinganythingelsewhichyoucouldhavetakenuptomeanmurder?"
"No,shecouldn't.Inthefirstplace,itisn'tatalllikelythattherewouldbetwoattractive-lookingladycriminals,travellingaboutintrainsatthesametime,bothwantingtoconfesswhattheyhaddone.Inthesecondplace,hercrimemusthavebeenprettyserious,forshewasparticularlyanxioustofindoutwhetheritwaslikelytoshockyou."
"Me?"
"Yes,you.Shementionedyoubyname,andaskedparticularlywhetheryou'dbelikelytobeshocked,whenyoufoundoutwhoshewas.Now,ifshehadsimplybeenslippingtriflingarticlesoffshopcountersintohermuff,shewouldn'thaveexpectedyoutobeshocked.That'swhat
makesmesayhercrimewasaseriousone."
"Still,"saidtheMajor,"evensupposingshereallywasafraidofshockingme;thoughIcan'tseehowshecametoconsidermeatall--"
"Shedid.Youmaytakethatforcertain."
"ThereareotherthingsbesidesmurderthatIshouldstronglydisapproveof."
"You'rethinkingofdivorcecourtproceedingsnow.Butshe'snotthatsortofwomanatall.Ihadeveryopportunityofstudyinghercharacterinthetrain,andI'mcertainthatshewouldn'tmixherself
upwithanythingofadisreputablekind.WhateverpoorLorimermayhavehadtocomplainof--andIdon'tintheleastdenythathehadagrievance--he'dhavebeenthelastmantoaccuseherofanythingofthatsort.Inevermetawomanwhoimpressedmemorestronglyasbeingthoroughlyrespectable."
"Comenow,J.J.Murder!Surelymurder--"
"Notwhentreatedasanart.DeQuinceywroteanessayonthesubject.Ifyou'dreadit,you'dknowbetterthantomixupartisticmurderwith
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thecommonplaceassassinationsoftheordinaryburglar.YoumightjustaswellsaythatBeethovenisthesamesortofpersonastheItalianorgan-grinderwhoplaysabominabletunesunderyourwindow,inthehopeofyourgivinghimtwopencetogoaway."
"Nothingyou'vesaidsofar,"saidtheMajor,"convincesmeintheleastthatyouridentificationoftheladyiscertain,orevenlikelytoberight."
"Iknewyou'dbesceptical.Youalwaysarescepticalaboutanythingtheleastoutofthecommon;sowhileIwasshavingthismorningIarrangedtheevidenceinsuchawaythatyoucan'tpossiblyescapefromit.Inthefirstplace,therearetheportraits.Idon'tdwellonthembecauseyouhaven'tseenMissKing,andsotheywon't--forthepresent--carrymuchweightwithyou.Inthesecondplace,thereisherconfession.YouchoosetoconsiderthatIwasmistakenaboutthat,andthatMissKingwasreallyconfessingsomethingofquiteadifferentkind.Isaynothingabouttheimprobabilityofmybeingmistakeninaperfectlysimplematter.Isimplyleavetheconfessionononeside,andofferyoucorroborativeevidenceofaquiteunmistakabledescription.Here'sacopyofaDublinpaper.Iputitinmypocketonpurposetoshowittoyou.Isupposeyou'llbelievewhatyouseeprintedinanewspaper?"
"Itdependsverymuchwhatitis.Idon'tbelieveeverythingIseeinpapers."
"That,ifyou'llexcusemysayingso,seemstometobecarryingyourhabitofscepticismtothevergeofactualmania.Idon'tthinkyououghttoadoptthatkindofattitude,Major.Ifyouhadbeentrainedintheology,orevensecularmetaphysics,itmightbeexcusable;thoughthen,ofcourse,youwouldn'tdoit.Butinasimpleandalmostentirelyuneducatedcountrygentlemanlikeyou,it'ssimplygrotesque."
"Goonaboutthenewspaper,J.J."
"Hereitisforyou;butIdon'tseethatit'smuchusegivingitto
youifyourmindismadeupbeforehandtodisbelieveeverywordthat'sinit."
HetookanewspaperfromhispocketandhandedittoMajorKent,indicatingwithhisthumbacolumnonthemiddlepage.
"TheLorimerCase.Judge'sChargetotheJury.Acquittal.
"SceneoutsidetheCourt.EnthusiasmoftheCrowd.ADemonstration."
TheMajorreadaloudtheheavily-leadedlineswhichfilledhalfthecolumn.
"Skipthatpart,"saidMeldon."Thecheersdon'tmattertous,thoughIdaresayMissKingenjoyedthematthetime.Goontothebottomofthenextcolumnwhereyouseethewords'AnInterview'inlargeprint."
"Ourrepresentative,"readtheMajor,"calledthiseveningatMrs.Lorimer'shotel.Hewasatonceshownuptohersitting-room,wherehefoundher--"
"Goon,"saidMeldon;"thatpartaboutherbeingcoolandunembarrassed,andthenextbitaboutherwearingawell-cutgrey
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travelling-dress,isn'timportant;though,asamatteroffact,herdresswasgrey."
TheMajorskippedaparagraph,andthenbegantoreadagain.
"'Ialwaysfeltquitecertain,'saidMrs.Lorimer,inreplytoaquestionaskedbyourrepresentative,'aboutwhatthejury'sverdictwouldbe.IhaveperfectconfidenceinthecommonsenseandjusticeofEnglishmen.Infact,Ihadallmyarrangementsmade,throughmysolicitors,formymovementsafterthetrial.Ihavetakenahouseinaveryquietneighbourhood,whereIshallbefreefromallinquisitivepublicity.'"
"There,"saidMeldon,"thosearealmosttheexactwordsMissKingusedtomeinthetrain."
TheMajorwenton,readingaloud.
"'MayIask,'saidourrepresentative,'inwhatpartofthecountry--?''No,'saidMrs.Lorimer,smiling.'Youmaynotaskthat;or,ifyoudo,Ishallnotansweryou.Butyoumaydothisforme,ifyoulike.Youmaytellthehallportertoorderacabforme,afour-wheeler.Ihaveagooddealofluggage.'"
"Shehad,"saidMeldon;"IsawitwhenwegotoutatDunbegstation,anditwasn'tallthere,foroneofhertrunkshadgotlostontheway."
"'Ourrepresentative,'readtheMajor,'shookhandswithMrs.Lorimerassheenteredthecab.TheordergiventothedriverwasEustonstation.Thusaladyofgreatpersonalcharm,whoseterribleexperiencehasforsomeweeksfocussedtheattentionofthecivilisedworldupontheaffairsofherprivatelifepasses--'"
"Youneedn'tgoon,"saidMeldon."Therestofthearticleismerepiffle.Theessentialpartiswhatyou'vereadout,andIimagineitoughttoprettywellclinchthematter.ShedrovetoEuston,intendingtotravelfromthatstationtosomeveryquietneighbourhoodinwhich
shehadtakenahousebeforehand.Nowwherecouldyoupossiblyfindaquieterneighbourhoodthanthis?"
"Idon'tseethatyou'veprovedyourpoint,J.J.TherearealotofotherplacesforwhichyoumightstartfromEuston."
"Notsomanyquietneighbourhoods.ThinkofwheretheLondonandNorth-WesternRailwayruns.Lancashire!Youwouldn'tcallBoltonaquietneighbourhood,Isuppose.NorthWales!Youknowwhatitisatthisseasonoftheyear,thickwithholidaypeople.No.YoumaytakeitforcertainthatifsheleftEustonshecametoIreland.NowallEnglishpeopleheadstraightforthewestassoonastheylandinthiscountry,especiallythosewhohaveanykindofapastthattheyare
anxioustokeepdark.DublinandWicklowarejustasthickwithpeopleasEnglandis.Nobodyeverstopshalf-wayacrossthecountry.Besides,therewasn'tanotherwomaninthetrainwithmewhocouldpossiblyhavebeenMrs.Lorimer."
MajorKentrosefromhischairandknockedtheashesoutofhispipe.
"Idon'tsuppose,J.J.,thatit'sanyusetellingyouthatyou'regoingtomakeanassofyourself."
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"Notabit,becauseitisn'ttrue.I'mgoingtoproceedinthemostcircumspectandcautiousmanner.NotthatI'mtheleastafraidofmakinganassofmyself.Ishouldneverdothatunderanycircumstances.ButbecauseIhaveaconscienceandIamafraidofdoingagraveinjustice,IamgoingtoconvincemyselffirstofallthatthisfellowSimpkinsreallydeservestobekilled.Iadmittheforceofallyousaidabouthimlastnight,especiallythatpartabouttheheatingofthechurch;butit'saseriousthingtocondemnamantodeath.It'sathingthatyoucan'tundoagainonceyou'vedoneit.ImustseethemanmyselfbeforeItakeanyfurthersteps."
"Youcan'thavehimhere,J.J.He'sahorridlittlecad,andIwon'thavehiminsidethishouse."
"I'mnotaskingyouto,atpresent.LateronifitbecomesnecessaryintheinterestsofjusticetopatchupsomeappearanceofareconciliationbetweenyouandhimIshall,ofcourse,askhimhere;butinthemeanwhile--"
"Youmayentertainhimyourself,ifyoudo."
"Imay.Butthatwon'tdetermefromdoingmyduty.Youhaven'thadtheeducationinphilosophyandliterature,Major,thatyououghttohavehad;buttheyearsthatyouspentinthearmyoughttohavetaught
youthatnoamountofunpleasantnessshouldpreventamandoinghisduty.Ithoughtthatwasoneofthethingswhichmilitarylifeimpressedonme.Supposenowthatitwasyourdutytostandinapoolofwateronawintrynightlookingoutfortheapproachingarmyofapowerfulenemy.Youwouldn'tlikedoingitbecauseyou'dknowthatyou'dhaveacoldinyourheadnextdaywhichwouldprobablylastyoufortherestofthatparticularcampaign.Butwouldyouallowthatfacttointerferewithyourduty?I'llgiveyoucredit,Major,fornotevenconsideringyourowncomfortinthematter.You'dstandinthepool.Youwouldn'tsomuchassplashabout,andwhenyourfeetgotwetyou'dbearitwithoutgrumbling.Whycan'tyouadmitthatIamactuatedbythesamesortofmotivesindoingmyduty?"
"Butisityourduty?Ican'tsee,really,thatthere'sanyneedforyoutomixyourselfupinitatall."
"Itismyduty,"saidMeldon,"forseveralreasons.Inthefirstplaceyouaremyfriend,andyou'vealwaysbeenkindtome;soit'splainlymydutytodoyouagoodturnwhenIcan.Next,IlikedwhatIsawofMissKing.I'mconvincedthatshe'sinearnestaboutherart,andisreallyworkingatitsimplyforart'ssakeandnotfromanyselfishmotives.Therefore,asaneducatedman,it'smydutytohelpherifIcan,withoutoutragingmyownconscienceoractinginanywayunsuitableforaclergyman.AssumingSimpkinstobethekindofmanyoudescribe,itisapublicduty,thedutyofeverygoodcitizen,toputhimoutoftheworldaltogether.He'snothingbutanuisancehere,
andhecan'tbereallyhappy.Iimaginethatevenforhisownsakehe'dbeagreatdealbetterdead.Hemaynotseethathimself,butit'sverylikelytobetrue.What'stheuseofhisdraggingoutamiserableexistenceinaplacewhereheisgettingmoreandmoreunpopulareveryyear?Hecan'tlikeit.Wheredoeshelive?"
"Helives,"saidMajorKent,"inthatlittlehousejustbeyondthepolicebarrack."
"Thatwon'tsavehim,"saidMeldon."MissKingwouldlaughatour
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policeafterslippingthroughthefingersoftheScotlandYardauthorities,andanywayhe'dhavetogoandlivewithheroncethey'remarried.I'llcallthere."
"Atthistimeofday,"saidtheMajor,"he'llprobablybeinhisoffice,nexttoDoyle'shotel."
"I'llleaveacardathishousefirst,"saidMeldon."It'sonlycivil.ThenI'llgoontotheoffice.Isupposeyoucansendmein,Major?I'llwalkback.Iwouldn'tliketokeepyourhorseintownallday.Ishallprobablybealongtime.Ican'tscampthebusiness,youknow.ImustthoroughlyinvestigateSimpkins.Afterthat,I'lllookinandhaveachatwithDoyle."
CHAPTERV.
Mr.EustaceSt.ClairSimpkinspreferredtohavehislettersaddressed"E.St.Clair-Simpkins,Esq.,"asifhissecondChristiannamewerepartofhissurname.Hebelongedbybirthtothehautearistocratie,andbelievedthattheuseofahyphenmadethisfactplaintothemembersofthemiddleclasseswithwhomhecameincontact.Hewasa
manofthirty-fiveyearsofage,butlookedslightlyolder,becausehishairwasrecedingrapidlyfromtheleftsideofhisforehead.Hehadenjoyed,foratime,theeducationaffordedbyoneofthegreatestoftheEnglishpublicschools;butattheageofsixteen,beingthenclassedwithboyssosmallthathelookedridiculousamongthem,hewasremovedatthespecialrequestoftheheadmaster.Aprivatetutor,heavilypaid,tookhiminhand,butwasnomoresuccessfulwithhimthantheschoolmastershadbeen.Attheageofeighteenhewasfoundunfittopassanyoftheexaminationswhichopenthewaytogentlemanlyemployment.Variousjobswerefoundforhimbyhisdespondingparents,butoneveryoccasionhewasreturnedtothempolitely.HedriftedatlastintoanIrishland-agent'soffice.Mr.Tempestwasasuccessfulmanofbusiness,andmanagedestatesinvariouspartsofthecountry
fromhisDublinoffice.HewasunderanobligationtoaLondonsolicitor,whosewifewasthesisterofMrs.Simpkins,themotherofEustaceSt.Clair.Hefeltthathecouldnotverywellrefusetogivetheyoungmansuchachanceasaclerkshipafforded.ThingswentonfairlysatisfactorilyuntilMr.Simpkinsconceivedtheideaofmarryinghisemployer'sdaughter.Hereasoned,quiterightly,thatMissTempest,beinganonlychild,waslikelytohaveasubstantialfortune.Mr.Tempest,unimpressedbythehyphenedSt.Clair,wasunwillingtoallowthecourtshiptoproceed.HesentMr.SimpkinsdowntoBallymoy,andchargedhimwiththemanagementofsuchpartsoftheBuckleyestateaswerenotalreadysoldtotenants.
Mr.Simpkins,forthefirsttimeinhislife,feltthathehadfounda
positionwhichreallysuitedhim.Therewasverylittleworktodo.HereceivedthegroundrentsofthetownofBallymoy;sawthatBallymoyHousewaskeptinrepairandthegroundsintolerableorder;andletthefishingoftherivereveryyearbymeansofadvertisementsinsportingpapers.Manymenwouldhavefoundthelifedull,butMr.Simpkinshadabusyandvigorousmindofasortnotuncommonamongincompetentpeople.Bytemperamenthewasareformerofminorabuses,andBallymoyaffordedhimanalmostuniqueopportunityfortheexerciseofhispowers.Therewere,ofcourse,difficulties.TheinhabitantsofBallymoy,longunaccustomedtothepresenceofareformeramongst
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them,haddriftedintoquiet,easywaysofliving.Mr.Simpkins,whowasnotlackinginacertainqualityofquietpersistence,troubledeveryonewithfineimpartiality,andbecameexceedinglyunpopularinBallymoy.TheResidentMagistratehatedbeingobligedtoenforceunnecessarylawssuchasthatwhichforbidscycliststorideonfootpaths,andthatwhichordainsthecarryingoflightedlanternsoncartsatnight.Thepostman,attheotherendoftheofficialscale,likedloiteringonhisrounds,andhadadoptedapleasanthabitofhandingonletterstoanywayfarerwhomightbesupposedtobeproceedinginthedirectionoftheplacetowhichtheletterswereaddressed.EveryonewithapublicdutyofanysorttoperformwasstimulatedbyMr.Simpkins,andconsequentlycametohatehim.
AfterawhileMr.Doyle,onwhom,aschiefcitizen,thedutynaturallydevolved,gotupapetitiontoMr.Tempest.ThenecessityforremovingMr.Simpkinswaspresentedinthestrongestterms.Mr.Tempest,whowasamanofwideexperienceandkindlyheart,sympathisedwithMr.Doyleandtheotherswhosignedthepetition,buthedidnotrecallMr.Simpkins.HeknewofnoplaceinIrelandfurtherfromDublinthanBallymoyis;anditappearedtohimaboveallthingsdesirabletokeepMr.Simpkinsatadistance.Itwasbetter,inhisopinion,thatBallymoyshouldsuffer,thanthathisownhouseshouldbehauntedonSundaysandhisofficedisorganisedonweek-daysbyMr.Simpkins.HeacknowledgedthereceiptoftheBallymoypetition,andpromised,
mendaciously,toconsiderthematter.
MeldondroveintoBallymoyonthefirstmorningofhisholiday,andwentstraighttoMr.Simpkins'house.Heleftacardthere,andthenwalkedontotheoffice.Mr.Simpkinswasintheoffice,andMeldongreetedhimwithawarmthwhichseemedactuallyaffectionate.Mr.Simpkinswassurprised,andrubbedhishand,whichhadbeenhurtbytheheartywayinwhichMeldonshookit.
"Isthere,"heasked,inapuzzledtone,"anythingthatIcandoforyou?"
"Nothing,"saidMeldon;"nothingwhatever.IftherewasI'msureyou'd
doit,andIshouldn'thesitatetoaskyou.Butthereisn't.Isimplycalledintohaveachat.Youwon'tmindifIsmoke,willyou?"
"Ineversmokeinmyoffice,"saidSimpkins."Idislikefreeandeasyandslipshodwaysofdoingbusiness."
Meldonfilledandlithispipe.
"You'reperfectlyright,"hesaid."There'snothingimpressestheintelligentstrangersounfavourablyasthesmelloftobaccoinanofficewhenhecomesintoitinthehopeofdoingbusinesswithacompetentman.Iwishyouwouldimpressyourideaonthatsubject,andImaysayagoodmanyothersubjects,onthepeopleofthistown.They
arelamentablydeficientinwhatImaycalltheetiquetteofcommerciallife;andyetalltheselittlepointscountforalot.YouandIknowthat."
Simpkinshesitated.Hewasatfirstinclinedtobeangry.Meldonwassmokingvigorously,andhistobaccowasofthekinddescribedas"full-flavoured."Buttheremarksabouttheetiquetteofbusinesswerecertainlysound.Mr.SimpkinsreallybelievedthathehadamissiontoteachmannersandmethodtothepeopleofBallymoy.
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"Wouldyoumindtellingme,"hesaidatlast,"whoyouare?"
"Notintheleast,"saidMeldon;"Ishallbequitepleased.AtthesametimeIthinkIoughttopointouttoyouthat,ifyou'dbeenonspeakingtermswithMajorKent,you'dhaveheardallaboutmeweeksago,andverylikelywouldhavebeenaskedtodinnertomeetmelastnight.WhyhaveyouquarrelledwiththepoorMajor?He'saniceenoughsortofman,andmostpeoplefindhimeasyenoughtogetonwith."
"Itwashewhoquarrelledwithme.Ihadnointention--"
"Soitwas.Irememberthatnow;somethingaboutfishing,wasn'tit?Curioushowpeoplewilllosetheirtempersaboutridiculouslittletrifles.That'stheworstofplaceslikethis.Thepeoplewhohaveneverlivedanywhereelsebecomeirritableandtakeoffenceaboutnothing,simplybecausetheirmindsarecutofffromwiderinterests.YouandI,now,knowthatnofishintheworld,howeverlarge,isworthfightingabout.Wewouldn't,eitherofus,mindabitifsomeotherfellowcamealongandhookedthewhalewhichwehadmarkeddownasourprivateprey."
Simpkinswaspuzzledagain.Thedoctrineaboutfishingrightsstruckhimasslightlysocialistic.Itmightpossiblybeapplicableinthe
caseofwhales,butsocietycouldscarcelysurviveasanorganisedwholeifmanymenregardedthepossessionofsalmonasofnoimportance.Atthesametimehewaspleased;itgratifiedhimimmenselytobehailedasafellowcitizenofalargerworld.
"Wouldyoumind,"hesaid,speakinginquiteafriendlytone,"tellingmeyourname?"
"Notintheleast,"saidMeldon."Isaidsobefore.Asamatteroffact,sofarfromhavinganywishtoconcealmynamefromyou,IwentroundtoyourhousebeforeIcalledhereandleftmycardonyou.You'llfindittherewhenyougetback.Ialwaysliketobestrictintheobservanceoftherulesofcivilisedsociety.Iparticularly
disliketheslackwaysintowhichpeopleinplaceslikethisareinclinedtodrift.ImustsayfortheMajor,he'snotasbadastherestinthatrespect.Healwaysdressesfordinner."
"SodoI."
"I'mgladtohearit.ThatoughttobeabondofunionbetweenyouandtheMajor.YoumustbetheonlytwomeninBallymoywhodo.Bytheway,haveyoumetMissKing?"
"No.Shearrivedyesterday,Ihear;butIhaven'tseenher."
"Yououghttogoupandcallonheratonce.You'lllikeher,I'm
sure.She'sverygood-looking."
Hepausedforamoment.TheannouncementdidnotseemtoexciteSimpkins'interest.Hewas,indeed,notofthetemperamentwhichisstronglymovedbybeautyorpersonalcharm.
"She'salsoveryrich,"saidMeldon.
"IthoughtshemustbeprettywelloffwhenshetookBallymoyHouse."
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"Sheis.Andwhat'smore,she'suncommonlywellconnected.Heruncleisanearl.Iforgetatthismomentwhathisexacttitleis;butIknowhe'sanearl,andIhaveitonverygoodauthoritythathe'slikelytobemadeamarquisquitesoon."
Hepaused,andwasgratifiedtoobservethatSimpkinsappearedtobegreatlyinterestedbythisinformationaboutMissKing.Hepursuedhisadvantageatonce.
"Ishallcallonhermyself,"hesaid,"thoughthere'snotreallymuchuseinmymakingmyselfagreeabletoher.I'mmarriedalready.TheMajorwouldhavetoldyouthat,too,ifyou'dbeenonspeakingtermswithhim.YoureallymustmakeitupwiththeMajor,Simpkins.IhopetoseeagooddealofyouwhileI'minBallymoy,anditwillbemostinconvenientformeifyouwon'tspeaktotheMajorwhileI'mstayinginhishouse."
"DidyousaythatyouknewMissKing?"
"Notintimately,"saidMeldon;"atleastnotveryintimately.Itravelleddowninthetrainwithheryesterday,andwehadapleasantchattogether.IfIwasn'tmarriedalready--butthere'snousetalkingaboutthat.AndIdon'tforamomentsupposethattheMajorwillcareabouthavingatry.He'saconfirmedoldbachelor.Thoughitwouldbe
arightgoodthingforhimifhedid.MissKingmusthaveawholepotofmoney,andshelookstomethesortofwomanwhomitwouldbequiteeasytomarry.I'mafraidImustbegoingnow.I'msogladIcaughtyou,Simpkins.I'veheardalotaboutyouduringtheshorttimeI'vebeeninBallymoy;andImaysay,withouttheleastwishtoflatter,thatIwasmostanxioustomeetyou.Good-bye,andbesuretocallonMissKing.It'sapitytothinkofthatpoorgirlallaloneinagreatbarrackofaplacelikeBallymoyHouse,withoutacivilisedcreaturetospeakto."
MeldonlefttheOfficeverywellsatisfiedwithhimself.Hewentnextintothehotel.Thedaywashot,andtherewasverylittlegoingoninthetown.Thestreetswerealmostempty,forthecountrypeoplewere
busyontheirfarms.Thehotelappearedtobeentirelydeserted.Thewaiterhadleftthecoffeeroom,andgonetovisitafriendinthepolicebarrack.Thebarmaid,afterfinishingonepennynovel,hadgoneintotheshopnextdoortoborrowanotherfromthemilliner.Meldonpenetratedtothekitchen,andfoundanuntidymaidasleep,veryuncomfortably,onanuprightchair.Shewokewithastartwhenhebangedafrying-panagainstthefrontoftheoven.
"IhopeIhaven'tstartledyou,"hesaidpolitely."IshallbegreatlyobligedifyouwilltellmewhereMr.Doyleistobefound."
"He'swithininhisownroom;andwhat'smore,thedoctor'salongwithhim,andhedidsaythatnobodywastobeletnextornighhimby
reasonofhisbeingbusy."
"Ifhe'sbusy,"saidMeldon,"he'stheonlymaninBallymoythatis,exceptingmyself;andanywaythatprohibitiondoesn'tapplytome.I'manoldfriend.I'lljuststepinandseehim.Youneedn'tannounceme.Ifyoulikeyoucangotosleepagain;butifIwereyouI'dbebeginningtogetthedinner.It'sneartwelveo'clock."
"Isit,then?"
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"Itis.IsyournameBridgetorMary?"
"It'sSabinatheycallme."
"You'renotabad-lookinggirl,Sabina;andifyou'dattendtoyourbusinessinsteadofgoingtosleepinthemiddleoftheday,youmightdiearichwomanyet."
"Iwouldnot,then.Howwouldthelikeofmeberich?"
"Youcertainlywon'tbe,"saidMeldon,"ifyoudon'tdoyourwork."
"Thepotatoesisinthepot,"saidSabina.
"Theymaybe;butMr.Doylewillbelookingformorethanpotatoesatdinnertime.Hedoesn'tlookasifhelivedentirelyonpotatoes."
Sabinagrinned.Doylewasaportlyman.
"Itwon'ttakemelongtofryacoupleofrashers,"shesaid,"oncethegreaseishot."
"Andisfriedbaconandpotatoesallyou'regoingtogivethepoorman?Whatwagesdoeshepayyou?"
"Sixpounds."
"Verywell.Nowlistentome,Sabina.Youputyourbackintoitandcookthemanadecentdinner.Givehimsoup,andthenanicelydonechopwithadishofspinachandsomefriedpotatoes.Afterthatasweetomelette--"
"GlorybetoGod!"saidSabina.
"Andthenalittlesavoury,tomatoandolives,beatentoacream,withtheyolkofahard-boiledeggservedupontoast,cutintodice."
"Arrah,whattalk!"saidSabina.
"Gethimaccustomedtothatsortofdinnerforthreeweeksoramonth,andthenaskhimforariseinyourwages.He'llgiveittoyou."
"Hewouldnot."
"Hewould.Anymanwould.Themistakeyoumakeishalf-starvinghim.Thatmakeshistemperbad,and--"
"Iwouldn'tsaythenthateverIheardacrosswordoutofhismouth,"saidSabina,"unlessitmightbewhenhe'dbetalkingofMr.Simpkinsorthelike."
"Isupposeheswearsthen,"saidMeldon.
"Hedoesterrible."
"Idon'twonder.Ineverswearmyself.Beingaclergyman,Ican't,ofcourse.ButfromwhatI'veseenofMr.Simpkins,andfromwhatI'veheardabouthim,Ishouldthinkhe'dmakemostmenswear.Doyouknowhimatallintimately,Sabina?"
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"Idonot;butthegirlthat'swithhimbeyondinthehouseisacousinofmyown,andIhearhertalkingabouthim.Shedoesbesayingthatthelikeofhimfornonsensicalgoingsonsheneverseen.She--"
"Thankyou,"saidMeldon."Idon'twanttohearyourcousin'sviewsofMr.Simpkins'domesticarrangements.She'sred-haired,ifshe'sthegirlthatopenedthedoortomeawhileago,andIneverknewoneofhercolourthatspokethetruth."
Sabinawasloyaltoherfamily.SheresentedMeldon'sremark.
"Ifyouweretoputmeonmyoath,"shesaid,"Iwouldn'tcallthehairthat'sonyourownheadblack,noryetyellow."
"Myhair,"saidMeldon,"iswhat'scalledauburn;andinanycaseIhavemorestrengthofcharacterthantobedrivenintountruthfulnessbythecolourofmyhair.DidyousayitwasDr.O'DonoghuewasinsidewithMr.Doyle?"
"Itis,"saidSabina.
"Isuppose,now,heisn'tparticularlyfondofMr.Simpkinseither."
Sabinagrinnedbroadly.
"Fromthepleasantwayinwhichyou'resmiling,"saidMeldon,"IthinkImaytakeitforgrantedthatDr.O'Donoghuewouldn'tgofaroutofhiswaytofindoutexactlythekindofmedicinethatwouldcureMr.Simpkinsifbyanychancehehappenedtofallsick."
"Hewouldnot.Buttheydosayhe'dpoisonhimifhegotthechance."
"Idon'twanthimtodothat.Ishouldbeverysorryifhedid.AllIwanttobesureofisthatthedoctorwouldn'tputhimselfouttocureMr.Simpkinsifanybodyelsepoisonedhim."
"TheLordsaveus!"saidSabina."Isitmurderyou'rethinkingof?"
"Itisnot,"saidMeldon."Don'tgetanyfoolishideaofthatkindintoyourhead.I'mnotamurderer.I'mmerelyputtingwhatiscalledasupposititiouscase,withaviewtofindingoutwhatDr.O'Donoghue'srealfeelingsare.Idon'tsupposeyouknowwhatasupposititiouscaseis?"
"Idonot.ItwasabackwardplacewhereIwasreared,andIwasn'tkepttoschoolregular;andwhat'smore,theIrishwasn'ttaughtinthemtimes."
"Itwouldn'thavehelpedyoumuchifitwas,"saidMeldon."Asupposititiouscaseisthesamething,verynearly,asahypothetical
proposition.Itconsistsoftwoparts,aprotasisandanapodosis.Forinstance--"
"It'slaughingatmeyouare."
"Itisnot,buttryingtoeducateyoualittle.Forinstance,IshouldbeputtingahypotheticalcaseifIweretosay,'SupposingyoucookedthedinnerIdescribedeverydayforMr.Doyle--'"
"Icouldn'tdoitthen,forIwouldn'tbefit."
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"That'sexactlywhatmakesitasupposititiouscase,"saidMeldon."Nowperhapsyou'llunderstandthatIdon'tintendtopoisonMr.Simpkinsmyself."
"Northedoctorwon'tdoitforyou,"saidSabina.
"Yousaidaminuteagothathewould."
"Hewouldnot,forhe'sanicegentleman,assimpleandinnocentasachild,onlyanoddtimewhenhistemperwouldberiz."
"Anywayhewon'tbeaskedto.Good-bye,Sabina.I'lllookinandseeyounexttimeI'mpassing.Don'tletthatred-hairedcousinofyoursbeputtingphosphorouspaste,oranyofthosepatentratpoisons,intoMr.Simpkins'food.She'llgetherselfintotroubleifshedoes."
CHAPTERVI.
MeldonopenedthedoorofMr.Doyle'sprivatesitting-roomwithoutknockingandwalkedin.ThehotelkeeperandDr.O'Donoghueweresitting
atoppositeendsofthetable,withabottleofwhiskyandajugofwaterbetweenthem.Doyle,whowasplacedwithhisbacktothedoor,spokewithoutlookinground.
"Didn'tItellyou,SabinaGallagher,"hesaid,"thatifyoucameintothisroom,interruptingmeandthedoctor,I'dcutthetwoearsoffyou,andsendyoubacktoyourmotherwiththeminaboxinthewellofthecar?DidItellyouthatordidInot?AndnownothingwilldoyoubuttoflingopenthedoorasiftheLord-LieutenantandtherestofthemplayboysbeyondinDublinCastlewas--"
TheexpressionofDr.O'Donoghue'sfacemadeMr.Doylepause.HeturnedandsawMeldonstandingonthethreshold.
"Bedamn!"hesaid,"ifitisn'tMr.Meldon.TheMajorwastellingmelastweekhewasexpectingyou.You'relookingwell,soyouare.Englandagreeswithyou."
"Ican'tsayasmuchforyou,"saidMeldon."You'regettingfat.Yououghttotakemoreexercise.Whydon'tyoustartagolflinks?Itwoulddoyouallthegoodintheworld,andbeanattractiontothehotelbesides."
"IfI'mputtingonflesh,"saidDoyle,"it'saqueerthing,forthelife'sfairtormentedoutofme."
"Simpkins,Isuppose,"saidMeldon.
"Thesame,"saidDoyle."ThelikeofthatmanformakingtroubleinaplaceIneverseen;no,nornobodyelse."
"Ihear,"saidMeldon,"thatthedoctor'sthinkingofpoisoninghim."
"Whoevertoldyouthattoldyoualie,"saidDr.O'Donoghue;"notbutwhat--"
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"Myselfandthedoctor,"saidDoyle,"wasmakingupplanswhenyoucomeinonus.Wewasthinkingofwhatyoumightcallanambuscade,workedsoaswe'dgetthebetterofhimwithouthisbeingabletotakethelawofus;andhe'smightyfondofthelaw,thatsamegentleman--toofond."
"IfIcanbeofanyhelptoyou,"saidMeldon,"youcancountonme.Ihaveagooddealofnaturaltalentforambuscades.Trotoutthedetailsofyourscheme,andI'llbeabletotellyouintwowordswhetherit'sworkableornot."
"Theydosay,"saidDoyle,"thathehasthefishinglettoanEnglishgentleman;andhe'smightyparticularaboutpreservingit.Nowthedoctorherehasthenameofbeingagoodfisherman."
"Ifhegoespoaching,"saidMeldon,"he'llgettheworstofit.TheMajorappearstohavetriedthaton,andhesimplymadethingsunpleasantforhimself,withoutannoyingSimpkinsintheleast."
"It'snotpoachingwe'rethinkingof,"saidDoyle;"but--youknowI'mamagistratethesetimes,onaccountofbeingtheChairmanoftheUrbanCouncil."
"Iknowthat;butifyou'rethinkingofdraggingupSimpkinsbeforethePettySessionsonaboguscharge,youmayaswellputtheideaoutof
yourheadatonce.Itwon'twork.You'llhavetheMajorontheBenchwithyou,andthoughhedoesn'tliketheman,Idon'tthinkhe'dcommithimtoprisonforcrueltytochildren,orbreakingwindowswhileundertheinfluenceofdrink,oranythingofthatsort,unlesshe'dreallydoneit."
"Iwouldn'tdothelike,"saidDoyle,"andnomorewouldthedoctor."
"Ourplan,"saidthedoctor,"istogetasalmon,alargesalmon."
"Poachit?"saidMeldon.
"No;buyit.Doylewouldbuyit.Thenhe'dgiveittomeinthe
presenceofseveralwitnesses--"
"Sabinawoulddoforone,"saidMeldon,"She'samostintelligentgirl,andI'msureshe'dswearanythingafterwardsthatshewaswantedto."
"Shewouldn'thavetoswearanythingbutthetruth,"saidDoyle.
"Ofcoursenot,"saidMeldon."Butlotsofpeoplewon'tdoeventhat."
"I'dgouptheriver,"saidDr.O'Donoghue,"andI'dtakemyrodandlanding-netandthesalmonwithme,andI'dsitdownonthebankandwait."
"Simpkins,"saidDoyle,"doesbewalkingupalongtherivereveryevening,sothedoctorwouldn'tbethereforverylongbeforehe'dbecaught."
"Isee,"saidMeldon."TheideawouldbeforSimpkinstoprosecutethedoctorforpoachingthatsalmon,andthentotrotoutSabinaincourttoprove--"
"Sabinaandtherestofthewitnesses,"saidDoyle."We'dhaveplenty."
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"It'snotabadambuscadeatall,"saidMeldon.
"TheMajor,"saidDoyle,"wouldtalkstraighttohimofftheBench,thewayhe'dfeelsmall;andI'dhaveawordortwomyselftosaytohimaftertheMajorwasdone.Andthepolicewouldbestandingroundsmilinglike--"
"Ican'timagineanythingmoreunpleasant,"saidMeldon,"thanbeinggrinnedatbyapoliceman.Allthesame,Ithinkitwillbebetternottocatchhiminthatambuscade."
"Andwhynot?"saidDoyle.
"Thefactis,"saidMeldon,"I'mthinkingofdealingwiththemanmyself,andI'dratherhewasleftentirelyinmyhandsforthepresent."
"Bedamn!"saidDoyle,"butIwouldn'taskbetterthanjustforyourselftotakeinhandandhunthimoutoftheplacealtogether."
"It'syoucoulddoit,"saidDr.O'Donoghue.
"Itis,"saidDoyle."DivilthebettermanatdevisingofambuscadeseverIcomeacross,andI'veknownsomeinmydaythatyoumightcallgladiators."
"I'mnotpreciselyaprofessionalgladiator,"saidMeldonmodestly;"butI'vestudiedstrategyalittleinmytime,andIratherthinkI'llgetthebetterofMr.Simpkins.Isupposenowyouwouldnotobjecttoattendinghisfuneral?"
"Iwouldnot,"saidDoyle,"ifsobetherewasnoriskofmybeinghangedforanyshareImighthaveinbringingthesameabout."
"There'snottheleastchanceofthat,"saidMeldon."Youwon'thavetodoanythingexceptrefrainfrommakingapublicfoolofthemanwithanykindoftricksaboutsalmonforthenextfortnight."
"Whatisityou'rethinkingofdoing?"askedDoyle.
"Thedoctor,"saidMeldon,"willofcoursehavetosignthedeathcertificate."
"I'lldothat,"saidDr.O'Donoghue,"assoonaseveryousatisfymethattheman'sdead.Ifthereisn'taholedrilledinhisskullwithabullet,I'llsayit'sheartfailurethatfinishedhim.Afterthewayhebehavedtome,Ican'tbeexpectedtomakeapostmortemofhim.IdaresaytheMajorwastellingyouwhathedid."
"IhearhewantedyoutoputsomeridiculoussanitaryactinforceagainstpoorDoyle.That,ofcourse,wasquiteintolerable."
"Therewasworsebesidesthat,"saidDr.O'Donoghuegloomily.
"Hehaditputoutagainstthedoctor,"saidDoyle,"thatoldBiddyFinnegandiedforthewantofpropermedicalattendance,andherawomanofnearninety,thatwasboundtodieanyway,andwouldhavediedsooner,mostlikely,ifthedoctorhadn'tletheralonethewayhedid."
"Thatoldwoman,"saidthedoctor,"wasn'tneglected.Shehadabottlebyher,whenshedied,thatIsentouttoherlessthanaweekbefore,
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andshehadn'tthehalfofitdrunk.What'smore,Iwouldn'thavemindedabitifSimpkinshadhadanyrighttobeinterfering;buthehadn't.ThadyFlanagan--that'smarriedtooldBiddy'sgrand-daughter--wascontentedenoughwiththewayshedied,andaskedmecivillywouldIhaveanyobjectiontohistakinghomethehalf-bottleofmedicinefortheuseofoneofhisownchildren.WhatIsayis,thatifthewoman'sownrelationshadnocomplainttomake,whatbusinesshadSimpkinstobeputtinginhisoar?Whataggravatedmewasthatkindofgratuitousandunnecessaryinterfering."
"Iquiteseeyourpoint,"saidMeldon."It's--"
"You'veonlyheardthehalfofit,"saidDoyle."Thedoctor'sbackwardintellingyou,andsmallblametohim;butSimpkinswroteofftotheLocalGovernmentBoard,preferringalotofchargesagainstthedoctor,andagainstmyselfasChairmanoftheBoardofGuardians--thingsyou'dwonderanymanwouldhavethefacetosay."
"Whathappened?"saidMeldon.
"We'vequietenedthemdownforthepresent,"saidDoyle,"buttherewasalotoftalkofaswornenquiry.AndwhatdidSimpkinsdoitforifitwasn'tjustthedelighthetakesindestroyingthepeaceofthetown?Youknowverywell,Mr.Meldon,thewayweallpulledtogetherhere,
CatholicsandProtestants,andneverhadanybadfeeling.Andwhere'sthegoodofbringingintheLocalGovernmentBoardtobestirringupstrifeamongus?Butthat'snotallhedid,northehalforit.HewrotealetterlastOctobertotheInspector-GeneralofthePolice,complainingofthesergeantbeyond,thathewasn'tdoinghisduty."
"Iwouldn'texpectyoutobetakingthepartofthepolice,"saidMeldon."YoualwayswentinforbeingastrongNationalist."
"AndsoIam,"saidDoyle."Andso'sthedoctor.Inageneralwaythereisn'ttwomeninIrelandthathatesthepoliceworsethanthedoctorandmyself;butthesergeantwasadecent,poorman,withalongfamilydependentonhim,andIneverheardtellofhisdoinganyharmtoany
one."
"Perhaps,"saidMeldon,"thatwasthereasonMr.Simpkinscomplainedofhim.Afterall,Doyle,wemustbereasonable.Whatarethepolicefor,ifitisn'ttodoharmtopeople--objectionablepeople?Apolicemanwhoneverinjuresanybodyisn'tworthhiskeep.Ifwhatyousayaboutthesergeantistrue,oranythingliketrue,Simpkinswasevidentlyperfectlyjustifiedinactingashedid."
"Youwon'tsaythat,"saidDoyle,"whenyouhearthewayithappened.There'stwoappletreesinthegardenatthebackofthehouseSimpkinslivesin."
"Irememberthem,"saidMeldon;"butthereneverwereanyapplesontheminmytime."
"Therewereapplesonthemlastyear,"saidDoyle,"howevertheycamethere.Simpkinsdidbesayingitwasonaccountofthewayheprunedthetrees;buthe'dbetalkingalongtimebeforeI'dbelievethelikeofthat.Anyway,theappleswerethere,andagoodmanyofthem.Ididn'tseethemmyself,buttheytellmetheremighthavebeenuptotenstonealtogether.Well,onenightthehalfofthemwasgone.Thegossuresfromaboutthetownhadthemate."
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"Ofcoursetheyhad,"saidMeldon."Whatwouldyouexpect?"
"Whatnobodywouldexpect,"saidDoyle,"wasthetemperSimpkinswasininthemorning.Hewasupanddown,inandoutofthepolicebarrack,cursingallsorts.Well,thesergeantcameoutandlookedatthetrees,andheaskedSimpkinsdidhehavetheapplescountedbeforetheyweretook,andwouldhebepreparedtosweartothemifsobethatthepolicefoundthemforhim.You'dthinkthatwouldhavepacifiedhim,butitdidn't.Sothesergeant,whowantedtodothebesthecouldforthepeaceofthetown,wentdowntothehouseagainafterhehadhisdinnerate,andtwoconstablesalongwithhim,andaskedthegirlthatdoesbewithMr.Simpkins--"
"Sabina'sred-hairedcousin,"saidMeldon.
"Askedher,"saidDoyle,"wasthereeveraboyabouttheplaceatnight;whichofcoursetherewasn't,herbeingarespectablegirlthatwasn'tkeepingcompanywithanyboy,unlessitmightbewalkingoutnowandthenofaSundaywithJamesyCarroll.Believeyoume,ittookthesergeantallheknewtoquietendownhermotherthatwasoveratthebarracksaskingforthenameofthevillainthatwastakingawayherdaughter'scharacter.Thatnighttherestoftheappleswastook,andSimpkinswasfittobeputintheasyluminthemorning.Hesaidthesergeantwasan
incompetentjackass.--Wasn'tthemthewordsheused,doctor?"
"Andothersalongwiththem,"saidDr.O'Donoghue.
"Thesergeant,beingamanwho'dalwayskepthimselftohimselfanddidn'tmixwithbadcompany,wasn'tgoingnearthehousewhilethelikeofthatlanguagewasgoingon.Buthesentdownthewholeofthefourconstablestolookattheappletrees;whichtheydid.ButSimpkinsgotworseinsteadofbetter.HewroteoffanotetotheDistrictInspectorcomplainingofthesergeant.ButtheD.I.hadmoresensethantotakeanynotice,knowingwellthatifthere'sanappleintheplacethegossureswillgetit,andsmallblametothem."
"Sensibleman,"saidMeldon.
"WhenSimpkinsgotnosatisfactionoutofhim,"saidDoyle,"hewrotetotheCountyInspector.Icantellyouhetookmightylittlebythat.Itwasaweekafter,ormaybemore,whenhegotananswerback.ItwasSabinaGallaghertoldmewhatwasinit,havinggotitoutofhercousin,that'sservanttoSimpkinsandseentheletter,soIknowwhatI'mtellingyouisthetruth.TheCountyInspectorsaidthatiftherewasboycottingintheplace,orcattledriving,oranykindoflawlessness,he'dbequickenoughtohaveextrapolicedraftedinandabatonchargeupanddownuponthestreetsofthetown;butthathewasn'tgoingtoupsetthepolicyoftheGovernment,andmaybehavequestionsaskedabouthiminParliament,forthesakeofafewshillings'worthofapples.
You'dthinkthatwouldhavebeenenoughforSimpkins,butitwasn't.Hewroteanotherletter,uptoDublinCastle,totheInspector-GeneralofPolice,noless,andtheendofit,wasthatthesergeantwasmovedoutofthis."
"Poorfellow,"saidMeldon."Didhemindmuch?"
"Hedidnotthen,fortheysenthimtoabetterstation.Itwasonlylastweektheymovedhim,therebeingalotofenquiriestobegonethroughthatoccupiedthemthewholeofthewinterandthespring.The
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doctorandmyselfisthinkingofgettingupasubscriptiontopresenthimwithanilluminatedaddressonaccountofthewayheconductedhimselftothesatisfactionoftheinhabitantsofthistownwhilehewasinit,andasaprotestagainsttheunderhandwaythatSimpkinswentabouttryingtoinjurehimandtakethebreadoutofthemouthofhischildren."
"I'llseethattheMajorsubscribestothat,"saidMeldon.
"TellMr.Meldon,"saidDoyle,"whatitwasyouweresayingoughttobeontheaddress."
"Itisn'tworthspeakingabout,"saidthedoctormodestly.
"You'dbettertellme,"saidMeldon."IfI'mtoberesponsibleforrevengingthewrongsofthecommunityonSimpkins,Ioughttobewellupineverydetailofwhat'sgoingon."
"Itwasnothingbutjustanideathatcameacrossmymind,"saidthedoctor.
"Itmaybeonlythat,"saidMeldon,"butitmaybemore.Theproperpersontojudgeofitsimportanceisme.Youmusthavefrequentlyobserved,doctor,thatthemantowhomanideaoccursisnotbyanymeansthebestjudgeofitsvalue.Sometimeshethinkstoomuchofit.Take
Galileo,forinstance.Hehituponthefactthattheearthgoesroundthesun,anditstruckhimasimmenselyimportant.Hegassedonaboutituntileverybodygotsotiredofthesubjectthattheauthoritieshadtoputhiminprisonandkeephimthereuntilhesaiditwasn'ttrue,andthathe'dstopwritingbookstosayitwas.Asamatteroffactitwastrue,butitdidn'tmatter.We'dallbedoingexactlythesamethingswearedoingto-dayifhehadnevermadehisbeastlytelescope.Ontheotherhand,menwhogetaholdofreallyimportantideasoftenthinkverylittleofthem.Look,forexample,atthecaseofthemanwhofirstthoughtofcollectingalotofpeopletogetherandmakingthempassaunanimousresolution.Hedidn'teventakethetroubletopatenttheprocess,andnowthere'snorecordleftofwhenandwherehehituponhisidea.Andyet,wherewouldweallbewithoutunanimousresolutions?
Doylewilltellyouthatgovernmentcouldn'tbecarriedonandcivilisationwouldpracticallybecomeextinct.Itmaybethesamewiththisideaofyours,andI'venodoubtthatI'llbeabletojudgeifyoutellmewhatitis."
"Hewasthinking,"saidDoyle,"ofhavingapictureofanappletreeinthetopleft-handcorneroftheaddresswithapplesonit,andthesametreeinthetopright-handcornerwithnoapples.Hesaysitwouldbeagreeabletothesergeant."
"Idon'tthinkmuchofthat,"saidMeldon."Itstrikesmeasapooridea,forthreereasons.Inthefirstplace,you'llnotbeabletogetanartistwhocandrawtheappletreessothatanyordinarymancould
recognisethem.IknowwhatI'mtalkingabout,forappletreesnecessarilycomeagooddealintoecclesiasticalart,thekindofartI'mmostfamiliarwith.Igiveyoumywordthatthemostofthemmightaswellbeelms,andI'veseenlotsthatlooklikeFlorenceCourtyews.Asageneralrule,youwouldn'thaveaghostofanotionwhattheyweremeantforifitwasn'tforEveandtheserpent.Inthenextplace,Idon'tthinkthesergeantwouldcareforit.Thewholebusinessmustbepainfultohim,andhewon'tcaretobeobligedeverydayofhislifetobestaringatsomethingthatwouldremindhimofSimpkins.Inthethirdplace,itwouldalmostcertainlyirritateSimpkinswhenheheardofit."
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"It'sthat,"saidDoyle,"thatwewerehopingitmightdo."
"Well,then,youmayputtheideaoutofyourheads.Ican'thaveSimpkinsirritatedatpresent.It'softheutmostpossibleimportancethatheshouldbelulledintoasenseofsecurity.Ican'tdealwithhimifhissuspicionsarearousedintheslightest.I'vebeenwithhimmyselfthismorning,lullinghim."
"Wereyou,then?"saidDoyle.
"Iwas,andIthinkImaysaythatfortheimmediatepresenthe'slulled."
"Andhowdidyoulikehim?"saidDoyle.
"Myfeelingsdon'tmatter,"saidMeldon."Asamatteroffact,judgingfromasingleinterview,Ishouldsayhewasapleasantenough,straightforwardsortofmanwhoistryingtodowhatisright."
"Ifhetriedless,"saidDoyle,"he'dgetonbetter."
"Quiteso.Andyoumustn'tthinkthatI'mgoingtoallowmypersonalfeelingstointerferewithmyactioninthematter.TheMajorismyfriend,andIhaveagreatregardforthepooroldrector,inspiteof
hissufferingfrombronchitis.AlsoIlikethepeopleofBallymoy,andI'mreadytohelptheminanywayIcan.So,whateveropinionIhaveformedofSimpkins,I'mgoingtodealwithhimpreciselyasifheweremypersonalenemy."
"Whatdoyoumeantodotohim?"saidthedoctor."Youwerespeakingthisminuteofapostmortem."
"Itwon'tcometothat,"saidMeldon,"unlessyouboggleoverthedeathcertificate.ButtheprecisedetailsofmyschemeImustkeeptomyselfforthepresent,merelysayingthatIshallbeseverewithhim.Icouldn't,infact,besevererifIcaughthimthrowingstonesatmyinfantdaughter."
"IsthattheonetheMajorstoodfor?"saidDoyle."Hewastalkingtomeabouther.Afinechildsheisbyallaccounts."
"Shewasafinechild,"saidMeldon,"untilshegotthewhooping-cough.Sincethenshe'sbeenwakefulatnight.--Bytheway,doctor,whatdoyouthinkistheproperwaytofeedachildthathasthewhooping-cough?Atthepresenttimeshe'slivingchieflyonakindofyellowdrinkmadeupoutofapowderystuffoutofatinwhichtasteslikebiscuitswhenit'sdry.Wouldyousaynowthatwasagoodfoodforher?"
"Youcanrearachild,"saidthedoctor,"whetherithasthewhooping-coughornot,onprettynearanything,solongasyougiveit
enoughofwhateveritisyoudogiveit."
"I'mgladtobearyousaythat,"saidMeldon;"formywifehasanotionthatfoodoughttobeweighedoutbyounces,sothatthechildwouldn'tgettoomuchatatime."
"Didshegetthatoutofabook?"
"Shedid--alittlebookwithapinkcoveronit.Doyouknowit?"
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"Idonot;butifIwereyouI'dburnit."
"Idid,"saidMeldon."Iburneditbeforeitwasaweekinthehouse.IfIhadn'tbeenagood-temperedman,I'dhaveburnedthebabyalongwithit.Shespentthewholeoffournightscrying,andthatwasbeforeshegotthewhooping-cough,sotherewasnoexcuseforher."
"Itwashungerailedherthen,"saidthedoctor.
"Itwas,"saidMeldon."Ifoundthatoutafterwards,forshestoppedcryingassoonasevershegotenoughtoeat.IfI'dallowedhertobebroughtupontheprincipleslaiddowninthatbookhertemperwouldhavebeenruinedforlife,andshe'dhavebeenanuisancetoeveryoneshecameacross."
"Iwouldn'twonder,"saidDoyle,"butitmightbeaccordingtothatbookthatSimpkinswasreared.Itwouldbehardtoaccountforthekindofmanheisanyotherway."
"Itmightbethat,"saidthedoctor;"butI'dsaymyselfit'smorelikelytobethewantofbeatingwhenhewasyoungthat'sthematterwithhim."
"Willyoustayandhaveabitofdinnernowyou'rehere,Mr.Meldon?"saidDoyle."Iwouldn'tlikeyourtemperwouldbedestroyedforthewant
ofwhatI'dbegladtogiveyou."
Meldonlookedathiswatch.
"Thankyou,"hesaid,"Iwill.It'soneo'clock,andSabinaoughttohavethebaconreadybynowifshestartedcookingitthetimeItoldher."
CHAPTERVII.
BallymoyHouse,savefortheoccasionalpresenceofafishingtenant,hasbeenunoccupiedforyears.Twomenareemployedtokeepthegroundstidy,andMr.Simpkinsdoeshisbesttoseethattheworkisdone.Butinspiteofhisexertionstheplaceisinaconditionofdisorder.Thereislonggrasswherethereoughttobetrimlawns;wildgrowthsofbramblesinnooksoriginallydedicatedtorosegardening;andageneralairofexuberanceaboutthetreesandshrubs.MissKingfoundallthisverycharming.Shetookawalkroundthepleasuregroundsontheeveningofherarrival,andfeltthatshehadhappenedupontheIrishdemesneofherdreams--aregionofspaciousdilapidation,exquisitenaturalbeauty,romanticpossibilities,andaninexhaustiblesupplyoflocalcolour;aplaceverydifferentindeedfromthetrimThames-sidevillasinwhichshegenerallyspenther
summerholidays.HermaidunpackedalargeboxofrequisitesforthecountrylifesuppliedbytheStores,andcame,atthebottomofit,uponaverygayhammockmadeofgreenandscarletstrings.MissKingwasdelightedwithitsappearance,andthepromiseitgaveofluxuriousrest.Afterbreakfastnextmorningshesummonedthetwogardenerstoherpresence,andgaveordersthatthehammockshouldbesecurelyhunginashadyplace.Themenwereunaccustomedtohammocks,butwiththehelpofsomeadvicefromthemaid,theytiedittotwotreesinacornerofwhathadoncebeenatenniscourt.TheyweresopleasedwithitthattheystoodlookingatitwithgreatappreciationuntilMiss
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Kingcameoutatabouttwelveo'clock.Shebroughtwithherabundleofmanuscriptandafountainpen,intendingtoworkintohernewnoveladescriptionofBallymoyHouseandthedemesne.
Themenwatchedhersettleherself,andthencameforwardcautiouslyandaskediftherewasanythingtheycoulddoforher.MissKingsuggestedthattheyshouldgoawayanddotheirwork.Theywentobediently,butreturnedinafewminuteswithtwoscythes.
"Ifit'spleasingtoyourladyship,"saidtheelderofthetwo,"Iwasthinkingofcuttingthegrassbeyond,whiletheweather'sfine,andwe'dhaveachanceofgettingthehaysavedwithoutrain."
MissKingwasnotverywellpleased.Shewouldhavepreferredtobeleftalone,inorderthatshemightenjoythoroughlythepicturesquedilapidationshewishedtodescribe.Butshedidnotseeherwaytoforbidthecuttingofthegrass.Thetwomensharpenedtheirscythesnoisilyandmoweddownseveralswathesoflonggrass.MissKingwatchedthem,mildlyinterested.Attheendoffiveminutestheystoppedmowingandwhettedtheirscythesagain.Thentheysatdown,littheirpipes,andlookedatMissKing.Shebusiedherselfwithherpapers,andmadesomecorrectionswiththefountainpen.Whentheirpipeswereabouthalfsmoked,themenrose,whettedtheirscythesforthethirdtime,andmowedagain.MissKingstoppedwritingandwatched
them.Thedaygrewhotter,andthespellsofmowingbecameshorter.MissKinggaveuptheattempttowrite,andlaydreamilygazingatthemen,rousedtoactiveconsciousnessnowandthenbytheraspofthehonesagainstthescytheblades.Atoneo'clockthemen,guessingittobedinnertime,stoppedpretendingtoworkandwentaway.AfewminuteslaterMissKing,feelingtheneedofluncheon,disentangledherselffromthehammock,bundledherpaperstogether,andwentintothehouse.
Attwoo'clockthemen,carryingtheirscythes,returnedtothetenniscourt,whichwasnearlyhalfmowed.Athalf-pasttwoMissKingjoinedthem,andclimbedasgracefullyasshecouldintothehammock.Shebroughtabookwithherthistimeinsteadofhermanuscript.The
afternoonwashotterthanthemorninghadbeen,andtherewasaverysoothingsoundofbeesamongthebranchesofthetrees.MissKing,whohadeatenherluncheonwithagoodappetite,wenttosleep.Thetwogardeners,afterashortconsultation,satdownunderatreeandsmoked.Athalf-pastthreeMeldonarrived.
"Youseem,"hesaidtothemen,"tobetakingthingsprettyeasy.Areyousupposedtobemowingthatlawn,orisMr.SimpkinspayingyoutocutthelegsoffanytigerorotherwildbeastthatcomesupwiththeideaofdevouringMissKinginhersleep?"
Themengrinnedpleasantly,andputtheirpipesintheirpockets.
"It'showwedidn'tliketobedisturbingtheyounglady,"saidtheelderofthetwomen,"andherlyingtherequietandinnocent,maybetiredout,thecreature,withthewayshe'sbeentravellingtoandfro."
"Isn'titCallaghanyournameis?"saidMeldon.
"Itis.GlorybetoGod!butit'swonderfulthewayyou'dknowme,Mr.Meldon,andyououtoftheplacethesethreeyears."
"Sendthatothermanaway,"saidMeldon,"andlistentomewhileI
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speaktoyou."
"Mickey,"saidCallaghantohisfellow-labourer,"letyoubeoffwithyouandgetthepotatoesearthedupbeyondinthegarden.It'swonderful,soitis,thewayyou'dtakeadelightinsittingtherealldayandnotdoingahand'sturn."
Mickeywentoff,stillgrinning.Hehadnointentionofearthingupthepotatoes.Diggingishardwork,nottobelightlyundertakenonahotafternoon.Meldonwatchedhimoutofsight,andthenturnedtoCallaghan.
"I'mspeakingconfidentiallytoyou,"hesaid,"andIhopethatnothingIsaywill--"
"Takecare,"saidCallaghan,"thatyouwouldn'twakeherself,talkingsoloudandall."
MeldonlookedatMissKing.
"Sheseemsprettysound,"hesaid,speakingmoresoftly.
"It'stiredsheis,thecreature,",saidCallaghan."Itwouldbeashametowakeher,thoughIwouldn'tcaremyselfforthenotionof
sleepinginoneofthemnew-fashionedbeds."
"WhatIwanttosaytoyouisthis,"saidMeldon."YouknowMr.Simpkins,ofcourse?"
"Ido."
"Isheaparticularfriendofyours?"
"Heisnot,"saidCallaghan."TheLordforgivemeforsayingthelike!butIhatehimworsethanIdothedevil."
"Ithoughtyouprobablywould,"saidMeldon,"andIdon'twonderatit.
AnymanwhoworksthesortofwayyouwereworkingwhenIarrivedwouldbeprettysuretohateSimpkins."
"Sinceeverhecometotheplace,"saidCallaghan,"there'sbeenneitherpeacenorquietinit.Theredoesn'tadaypassbuthe'suphereaskingwhythisisn'tdone,andwhat'sthematterwiththeotherthing,andwhetherIcouldn'tmanagetosettleupsomecontraptionorother.Many'sthetimeI'vesaidtomyselfitwouldbebetterformetostarveoutonthebogbeyondthantohavethelifeplaguedoutofmelisteningtothewayhedoesbetalking."
"Iexpect,"saidMeldon,"thathe'ssimplytryingtomakeyoudoyourwork,andahardjobhehasofit."
"Anyway,it'swhatI'mnotaccustomedto;andwhat'smore,won'tstand."
"You'llhavetostanditforawhilemore,anyway.That'swhatIwanttoimpressonyourmind.Ican'thaveawordsaidagainstMr.Simpkins,inthepresenceofMissKing."
"Theyoungladythere?"
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"Yes,thatexactyounglady.She'sastrangerintheseparts,andyou'remoreorlessresponsiblefortheopinionssheformsofthepeopleshecomesacross.It'stoyoushe'llbelookingforguidancewhenshe'sinadifficultyandwantsinformationaboutanyone."
"Shewill,ofcourse.Whywouldn'tshe?Amn'tIoldenoughtobeherfatherandthefatherofadozenmorelikeher?"
"Exactly,"saidMeldon."SowhensheconsultsyouaboutMr.Simpkinsyou'llsayallthegoodyoucanofhim,andyou'llpraisehimuptotheservantsinthehouseinsuchawaythatthey'llrepeatwhatyou'vesaidtoher."
"Wouldyouhavemetellwhatisn'ttrue?"
"Iwould."
"Well,then,I'llnotdoit.I'vemorerespectformyself,letalonetheyounglady,thantodothelike."
"Don'ttakethattonewithme,"saidMeldon,"forI'llnotstandit.Thereisn'tamaninIrelandthisminutethathasagreaterrespectforthetruththanIhave.It'sagoodthing--oneofthebestthingsthereis--initsproperplace.Butthere'snobiggermistakethantosuppose
thatbecauseathingisgoodinoneplaceatonetime,itmustnecessarilybegoodeverywhereandalways.Takethecaseofbottledporter.You'renotateetotaller,areyou?"
"Iwasonetime,"saidCallaghan,"afterthemissiontheredidbegoingroundthecountrylastspring.TheyhadmepledgedbeforeIrightlyunderstoodwhatitwastheyweredoing;but,thanksbetoGod,I'mthroughwithitnow,andcantakeadropofdrinkaswellasanother."
"Verywell.Thenyou'llappreciatewhatIsayaboutbottledporter.It'sagoodthingwhenyouhaveitinatumbler,andthetumblerinyourhand,andyouthirsty."
"Itis."Callaghanspokewithconviction.Hewasthirstyatthemoment,andhehadsomehopethatMeldonmightpossiblyhavethebottleofwhichhespokeinhispocket.HewasdisappointedwhenMeldonwentonwithhisspeech.
"Butit'snotagoodthingwhensomebodyjogsyourelbowandspillsthewholeofitoverthelegsofyourtrousers.Nowit'sexactlythesamewithtruth.It'sallrightundercertaincircumstances.It'soneoftheworstthingsgoingwhenit'stoldtothewrongmanatthewrongtime.Youfollowmesofar,Ihope.Verywell.NowIwanttomakeitplaintoyouthatthetruthaboutMr.SimpkinsmustnotbetoldtoMissKing.Iexpecthe'llbeuptocallonhertomorrowornextday,andit'smostimportantthatsheshouldnotbeprejudicedagainsthim."
"Haveyouamatchmadeupbetweenthem?"askedCallaghan.
"Ihave."
"Andwhycouldn'tyouhavesaidsobefore?Ifthat'sthewayofit,itisn'tlikelyI'dbesayingawordthatwouldturnheragainstthemanthat'slaiddownforhertomarry.Therewasafriendofmyownonetimethathadamatchmadeupforhissonwithagirlthathadagoodfortune.Buttherewasonlyonelegonher,andhewasterriblefeared
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thattheboy'dnevertakeherifhefounditout.Therewasn'toneintheplace,onlymyself,thatknewthewaythegirlwasonaccountofherfatherlivingawaybeyondthebog.DoyouthinkIsaidtheword?Ididnot.Andtheboywaswellenoughpleasedatthelatterend."
"Inthisparticularcase,"saidMeldon,"you'llhavetodorathermorethankeepyourmouthshut.Simpkins'legsareallright,ofcourse,but--"
"Hehasthedivilofalongtongue."
"Well,don'tdwellonhistonguewhenyou'retalkingabouthimtoMissKing."
"Beyondsayinganoddtimethathe'sapleasant-spokengentleman,Iwillnot."
"That'sright,"saidMeldon."Ishallrelyabsolutelyonyou.Andyouaretoletmeknowfromtimetotimehowtheygetontogetherwhenhecomesupheretovisither."
"Ifthere'sanyimproprietyofconductbetweenthem,"saidCallaghan,"I'llspeaktoyourreverence."
"Don'tmisunderstandme,"saidMeldon."Idon'twanttointerferewiththeirlove-making.Themoreofthattheydo,thebetterI'llbepleased.Eveniftheyrunratherintoextremes--"
"It'swhatIwon'tbeapartyto,"saidCallaghan;"Idon'tholdwiththemways,andtheclergyisagainstthem,allbutyourself;andyououghttobeashamedtobeencouragingthelike."
"Youdon'tintheleastunderstandthesituation,"saidMeldon."Mr.SimpkinsandMissKingarebothEnglish,andinEnglandtheymanagethesethingsquitedifferentlyfromthewaywedohere."
"Well,it'syourselfoughttoknowaboutthat,seeingthatyou'rea
Protestant."
"It'snotsomuchaquestionofreligion,"saidMeldon."It'stemperament.Idon'tsupposeyouunderstandwhatthatmeans;butthefactis,thatanEnglishwomanwouldn'tmarryamanwhohadn'tbeenmakinglovetoheroffandonforatleastaweek.Ifhehadn'tgotherthoroughlyaccustomedtohisoccasionallysqueezingherhand,andofferingtopickflowersforher,andpickingupanythingshedroppedabout,and--ButIneedn'tgointodetails.Thefactis,thatifhehadn'tmadelovetoherprettyviolently,shewouldn'tconsideritdecenttomarryhim.That'sthesortofpeopletheEnglishare."
"They'requeer,"saidCallaghan,"andthat'safact."
"Theyare,"saidMeldon."Butwe'vesimplygottotakethemaswefindthem.There'snouseourtryingtoteachthembetterways,fortheywouldn'tlistentous.I'mtellingyouallthissothatyouwon'tbeshockedifyouhappentoseeSimpkinskissingMissKing.It'snoaffairofyours,tostartwith;and,inthesecondplace,there'snopointincomparativeethnologysofirmlyestablishedasthefactthatmoralityisquiteadifferentthingamongdifferentpeoples.Whatwouldbewrongforyouandmemaybe,andis,perfectlyrightforMissKingandSimpkins.Ineedn'tgointothatmorefully.Allyouhaveto
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doistocrackupSimpkinsasafirst-ratesortofmanthatanygirlwouldbeluckyifshemarried;andthenletmeknowhowtheyhititofftogetherwhentheymeet."
"I'lldoit.I'ddomorethanthattoobligeyourreverenceinthematterofmakingamatchforanyboyabouttheplace;forI'mnotonetospoilhischancesonaboy,notifIhatedhimworsethanIdoSimpkins."
"Verywell.NowIwanttospeakafewwordstoMissKing,butitwon'tdoformetowakeherup.Shewouldn'tlikeit;andwhat'smore,shemightsuspectthatwe'dbeentalkingtogetherabouther.I'llgobacktothehouseandwalkoverhereacrossthelawn.I'llsignaltoyouassoonasI'mreadytostart,andthenyougooverandwakeMissKing."
"Iwouldn'tliketodoit.I'dbeashamed,forfearshemightthinkIwastakingaliberty."
"Idon'twantyoutogoandshakeher,"saidMeldon,"orpourcoldwateroverher,oranythingofthatsort.Justtakeyourscytheoverclosetowheresheis,andassoonaseverIgivethesignal,youbegintoscrapethebladeofitwithyourstoneandwhistleatuneatthesametimeasloudasyoucan."
"'TheWearingoftheGreen,'orthelike?"
"Not'TheWearingoftheGreen.'It'samelancholy,soothingsortoftunewhichwouldprobablyonlymakehersleepsounder.Whistleagoodlivelyjig."
"Iwill,"saidCallaghan.
Meldonwalkedaway.Whenhereachedthehousehestoodonthetopstepoftheflightwhichleadstothehalldoorandwavedhispockethandkerchief.Callaghanpickeduphisscythecautiously,andwentontip-toeacrosstoMissKing'shammock.Hedidnotwishtodisturbherprematurely.Then,hishoneinonehandandhisscytheintheother,
hestoodandwatchedMeldon,Thehandkerchiefwavedagain,andMeldonstartedwalkingbrisklyacrossthelawn.Thehoneraspedharshlyagainstthescytheblade,and"TheIrishWasherwoman"rangoutshrilly.MissKingwokewithastart.Callaghanturnedawayfromher,andstillwhistlingvigorously,begantomow.Meldonhurriedforward.
"Howdoyoudo,MissKing?"hesaid."IhappenedtobepassingthegateandIjustcalledintoseehowyouaregettingon,andtoseewhetherthereisanythingIcandoforyou."
MissKingblinked,gotherfeetoutofthehammock,satup,andshookhandswithMeldon.
"It'sverykindofyou.Won'tyoucomeinsideandhavesometea,orshallIgetthemtobringitouthere?"
"No,thanks.Noteaforme.Ihaven'ttimetostay;andbesides,I'vehadluncheonwithMr.Doyle.Youknowwhatthatmeans."
"No,"saidMissKing."Idon't."
"Well,Ineedn'tgointodetails,"saidMeldon;"butasamatteroffactwhenyou'velunchedwithMr.Doyleyoudon'twantanythingmoreto
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drinkforalongtime.Bytheway,you'renotlookingoutforacookjustatpresent,areyou?"
"No,I'mnot.WhatmadeyouthinkIwas?"
"Peoplegenerallyare,"saidMeldon."Infact,I'vehardlyevermetanyonewhowasn't.Ihappenjustnowtoknowofareallyexcellentgirl,calledSabina.Withalittletrainingshe'dmakeafirst-ratecook.She'sfirstcousintothered-hairedgirlwho'swithMr.Simpkins.That'sarecommendationinitself."
"Isit?WhoisMr.Simpkins?Oh,ofcourse,he'sthemanfromwhomItookthehouse."
"Acapitalfellow,"saidMeldon;"young,strong,andvigorous.Thesortofman,"hesankhisvoiceimpressively,"thatitwouldtakealottokill."
MissKingseemedmoderatelyinterested.
"Butwhydoyouthink,"shesaid,"thathisservant'sfirstcousin--"
"Sabinaishername,"saidMeldon."It'saveryattractivename,isn'tit?"
"Yes.ButwhydoyouthinkitlikelythatMr.Simpkins'servant'sfirstcousincancook?"
"He'samostparticularman,"saidMeldon;"fidgetytoadegreeabouthavingeverythingquiteright,alwaysworryingthelifeoutofhisservants,whichisexcellentforthem,ofcourse;but,well,ifhewasmarried"--hesankhisvoiceagain--"Iexpecthiswifewouldconsiderherselfquitejustifiedinkillinghim.Idaresayhe'llbeuptocallonyouthisafternoon."
"Ifhe'sasbadasthat,"saidMissKing,"Ihadbettergoinandtidymyhairbeforehecomes."
"Perhapsyouhad,"saidMeldon.
"You'reveryrude,"saidMissKing.
Shesmiledasshespoke,blushedslightly,andthenlookingatMeldonfromunderhereyelashes,said,--
"Comenow,tellmethetruth.AmIanabsolutefright?"
Mostmenwouldhaveattemptedaprettyspeechofsomesort.ManymenwouldhaverespondedtoMissKing'seyeswithaglanceofadmiration.Shehadveryfineeyes,andasingularlyattractivewayoflookingout
ofthecornersofthem.MissKingwas,infact,alittletiredofherowncompany,andwouldhavelikedtohearMeldonsaysomethingpleasantaboutherappearance.Shewouldhaveenjoyedherselfverywellifhehadattemptedsomeslightflirtationwithher.Buthesnubbedherseverely.
"Itoldyouyesterday,"hesaid,"thatI'mamarriedman.Ihaveadaughtertwoyearsold,andI'maclergyman.Ireallycan'tallowyou--"
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ThesoftlookvanishedinaninstantfromMissKing'seyes.Theyflashedfiercely.Herfacebecamesuddenlycrimson.
"Youareoutrageous,"shesaid."Howdareyousuggest--?Howdareyoueventhink--?"
Shesprangtoherfeetandstartedatarapidpacetowardsthehouse.Herheadwaspoiseddefiantly.Meldon,thoughhecouldonlyseeherback,feltcertainthatherchinwasintheair.Callaghan,whohadretiredwithhisscythetothemiddleofthelawn,stoppedmowingandstaredafterMissKing.ThenhelaiddownhisscytheandapproachedMeldon.
"Wereyoutellingher,"heasked,"ofthematchyouhadlaidoutforher?"
"No,"saidMeldon,withabroadsmile,"Iwasn't."
"Fromthelookofher,"saidCallaghan,"Ithoughtmaybeyoumight."
"Well,Iwasn't.AllIwastryingtomakeplaintoherwasthatshecouldn'tmarryme."
"I'dsay,"saidCallaghan,"thatsheseenthatplainenough,howeverit
wasthatyouputittoher."
"Ithoughtitbettertomakeitquiteclearatonce,"saidMeldon."Shewaslookingatmeinakindofwayyou'dhardlyunderstand."
"Imight,then,"saidCallaghan,stillgrinning.
"Youwouldnot,"saidMeldon."Youtoldmeamomentagothatthepriestswouldn'tletyou!"
"There'smanyathing,"saidCallaghan,"thattheclergymightnotapproveof,but--"
"Anyhow,"saidMeldon,"itwasthatkindofwayshelookedatme,andIthoughtitbettertoputastoptoitatonce."
"You'rerightthere;andit'snomorethanwhatI'dexpectofyou."
"Idon'tthinkyouquitegraspmypointyet,"saidMeldon."InageneralwayIshouldn'tmindherlookingatmeanywaysheliked.Imighthaveenjoyedit,ifshe'ddoneitwell,asIexpectshecould.ButundertheexistingcircumstancesIhadtostopher;because,ifshetooktolookingatmelikethat,she'dlookquiteanotherwayatMr.Simpkins,andthenhewouldn'tbeinclinedtomarryher."
"You'redeadsetonthatmatch,"saidCallaghan.
"Iam.It'smostimportantthatitshouldcomeoff."
"She'safinegirl,"saidCallaghan."She'stoogoodforthelikeofSimpkins.He'llbetormentingherthewayhedoesbetormentingeverybodyabouttheplace."
"Believeyoume,"saidMeldon,"she'llknowhowtomanagehim."
"Shemight,"saidCallaghan."Bythelooksofher,whensheleftyou
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thisminute,Iwouldn'tsaybutshemight."
CHAPTERVIII.
Itwaseighto'clock,andtheeveningwasdeliciouslywarm.MajorKentandMeldonsatinhammockchairsonthegraveloutsidePortsmouthLodge.Theyhaddinedcomfortably,andtheirpipeswerelit.Foratimeneitherofthemspoke.Belowthem,beyondthewallwhichboundedthelawn,laythewatersofthebay,wheretheSpindrift,MajorKent'syacht,hungmotionlessoverhermooring-buoy.Theeyesofbothmenwerefixedonher.
"Ifeel,"saidMeldonatlast,"likethevillageblacksmith."
"TherearefourinBallymoy,"saidtheMajor."Reillyisthemanwhoworksforme.Ifyoufeellikehim,I'msorryforyou.He'sgenerallydrunkatthishour."
"Irefer,"saidMeldon,"toLongfellow'svillageblacksmith.You'renotahighly-educatedman,Iknow,butIthoughtyou'dhaveheardofhim.
"'ThemusclesofhisbrawnyarmsWerestrongasironbands.'
It'sapoemwhichmostpeoplelearnwhileatschool.Iamsometimestemptedtothinkthatyouneverwereatschool."
"Idon'tsee,J.J.,thatyourmusclesareanythingparticulartoswaggerabout."
"Iwasn'treferringtomymuscles,"saidMeldon."TheresemblanceIspeakofliesinthefactthatI've'earnedmynight'srepose.'Thevillageblacksmithfeltthathedeservedhisafterlisteningtohis
daughtersinginginthelocalchurchchoir.I'veundergoneanevenseverernervestrain.I'vepracticallyarrangedthemarriagebetweenSimpkinsandthemurderess."
"IwishverymuchthatIknewexactlywhatyou'vebeendoingallday,J.J.Ialwaysfeelnervouswhenyougooutalone.Ineverknow--"
"I'llgiveyouanexactaccountofmyproceedings,ifyoulike.First,IhadapersonalinterviewwithSimpkins;andImayaswellsayatoncethatIwasonthewholefavourablyimpressedbyhim.Idon'tmeantosaythatheoughtnottobekilled,butmerelythatiflefttomyselfIwouldnotgooutofmywaytokillhim.InexttalkedthematteroverwithDoyleandDr.O'Donoghue.Ifoundthattheyquiteagreedwith
you;andthedoctorispreparedtosignthedeathcertificateassoonasMissKing--whowillthen,ofcourse,beMrs.Simpkins--hasfinishedhimoff.IthencalledatBallymoyHouseandarrangedwithCallaghan,thegardener,tokeepmeinformedoftheprogressofevents.Finally,IinterviewedMissKingherself.Iwasunfortunatelyobligedtooffendheralittle,andIexpectshewon'tcareabouttalkingtomeforthenextfewdays."
"Didyoualludetothetrial?"
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"No.Andshewouldn'thavemindedintheleastifIhad.She'squitefrankwithmeintalkingaboutherart.Thefactis,shewantedtoflirtwithme,andofcourseIcouldn'thavethat."
"Areyousureofthat,J.J.?Itseemstomeveryunlikelythataladyofthatsortwouldwanttoflirtwithaclergyman."
"I'mnotexactlyanordinaryclergyman,"saidMeldon,"andshecertainlydidwanttoflirtwithme.Icouldseeitbytheexpressionofhereye.Anymanwhoknowsanythingaboutwomengetsintothewayofjudgingthemverylargelybytheexpressionoftheireyes.Youfindafteralittlepracticethatyouareabletotellwithalmostabsolutecertaintywhattheirintentionsare;andtherewasnomistakeaboutMissKing'sthisafternoon."
"I'mglad,"saidtheMajor,"thatyouwentawayatonce."
"Ididn't,"saidMeldon."Itwasshewhowentaway.IhurtherfeelingsbytellingherplainlythatIwasamarriedman.Sheflewintoatemperandprancedoff."
"Shemustbeavery--"
"No,she'snot--notintheleast.ItwassimplyacaseofwhatVirgil
calls'spretaeinjuriaformae.'"
"TalkEnglish,"saidMajorKent."YouknowIdon'tunderstandLatin."
"Nevermind,"saidMeldon;"youwouldn'tunderstanditabitbetterifIputitintoEnglish.Youhaven'tthenecessaryexperience.Andinanycaseitdoesn'tintheleastmatter.Theimportantthingforyoutogetaholdofisthatthemarriageisarranged,andunlesssomethingquiteunforeseenturnsupitwillcomeoff.ItoldSimpkinsthatshehadalargefortuneandwasthenieceofanearl.Thosefacts,inadditiontoherpersonalcharm,will,Iimagine,bringhimrapidlyuptothescratch.Icandonomoreforthepresent.That'swhyIsaidIwasliketheblacksmithandhadearnedmynight'srepose."
"It'searlyyet,"saidtheMajor."Iseldomturninbeforeeleven.But,ofcourse,youcangooffatonceifyoulike."
"WhenIquotedthatlineaboutthenight'srepose,"saidMeldon,"Iwasspeakingfiguratively.Ihaven'ttheleastintentionofgoingtobedatthishour.Idon'tsupposetheoriginalblacksmithdideither,evenifhewasfeelingabitupsetaboutthechoir.WhatIreallymeantwasthatIamquiteentitlednowtohaveacoupleofdaysoffintheSpindrift."
"I'mgladtohearyousaythat,"saidtheMajor."Iwasafraidyouweregoingtospendyourwholeholidayrunningbackwardsandforwards
betweenthisandBallymoy."
"Ican'ttakearegularcruise,"saidMeldon."Iabsolutelymustbebackherethedayafterto-morrow.Nomatterhowcarefullyyouarrangethings,there'salwaysariskofsomethinggoingwrong.Quiteatriflingaccidentmightupsettheentireplan,andIoughttobeonthespottostraightenthingsoutdirectlytheybegintogetintoatangle."
MajorKentmadenoanswer.Hesatsmokinguntilhispipewentout.Thenforawhilehesatwiththeemptypipeinhismouth,suckingatit
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asifitwerestillalight.Hewasthinkingdeeply.Theeveningdarkenedslowly,andafaintbreezestoleinfromthesea.
"Everyprospectofafinedayto-morrow,"saidMeldon.
TheMajortooknonoticeoftheremark.Meldonfilledafreshpipe,andwatchedtheSpindrifttuggingathermooringsasthebreezefreshenedordiedandthetidecaughther.
"J.J.,"saidtheMajoratlast,speakingverysolemnly,"I'dratheryoudidn't."
"Didn'twhat?"
"Iknowyouenjoythissortofthing,andIdon'twanttospoilyourholiday.I'dlikeyoutohaveareallygoodtime,butIwishyou'dhitonsomeotheramusement."
"Tryandbealittlemoreexplicit,Major.I'maquick-wittedman,andIcangenerallyguessatyourmeaning,nomatterhowyouwrapitupinparaphrases,butthistimeIreallycan't.TheonlyamusementI'veproposedsofarisashorttripinyouryacht.Isupposeyoudon'tgrudgemethat?"
"YouknowverywellIdon't,J.J.ButIwishyouwouldn'tplaythesetrickswithSimpkins.He'samanIdon'tlike."
"Youtoldmethatlastnight,"saidMeldon,"andIagreedatoncetohavehimmurdered."
"OfcourseIknowthatyouliketalkinginthatsortofway,andIdon'tminditabit.It'syourwayofmakingjokes,andyoudon'tmeananyharmbywhatyousay;butI'dreallyrathernotbemixedupwithSimpkinsevenbywayofajoke.Idon'tlikethemanatall."
"Don'trepeatthatagain,"saidMeldon."Iquitebelieveyou.AndasforthemurderofSimpkinsbeingajoke,Iassureyouit'snothingof
thesort.Imaybeflippant--severalpeoplehavecalledmeflippant--butIdrawthelineatmakingjokesaboutmurder.It'saserioussubject.InfactI'vemorethanoncehesitatedaboutgoingintothisbusinessatall.It'smainlyforyoursakethatI'mdoingit."
"Thendon'tdoit,"saidtheMajor."Iknowquitewellthatyoudon'tmeanawordyousay,but--"
"Imeanitall.AmIthekindofmanwhosayswhathedoesn'tmean?Comenow,Major;you'veknownmeagoodmanyyears,andwe'vebeeninsometightplacestogether.HaveyoueverheardmesayathingIdidn'tmean?"
"Tobequitecandid,"saidtheMajor,"Ihave,onceortwice."
"You'reentirelymistaken.Youhavenot.AndinanycaseImeanwhatIsaynow.DoyoureallysupposethatI'dhavespentthewholeofthishotdayfaggingupanddowntheroadsaboutBallymoyifIwasn'tinearnestaboutwhatIwasat?"
"Butyoudon't.Youcan'tthinkthatthislady--MissKingorwhateverhernameis--willreallymurderSimpkins?"
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"She'lltrytoifshemarrieshim.Ican'tbeabsolutelycertainthatshe'llsucceed,butIthinkit'sverylikelythatshewill.She'shadalotofpractice,andbyherownaccountshe'sbeenunusuallysuccessful."
"That'sallrot,ofcourse,"saidtheMajor."Murderisn'tcommittedinthatsortofway.Nowomanwoulddeliberatelywithhereyesopen--"
"DidMrs.Lorimermurderherhusbandbyaccident,ordidsheintendtodoitandplanthewholethingoutbeforehand?"
"Idon'tknow."
"Youdoknow.Youreadtheevidenceandyoureadthejudge'scharge,andyouknowaswellasIdothatsheproceededinthemostdeliberatewaypossible."
"Itlookedlikeit,"saidtheMajor."Imustsayitlookedlikeit."
"Verywell.IsMissKingMrs.Lorimer,orisshenot?"
"Idon'tknow."
"Iprovedtoyouyesterdayeveningthatsheis.Iproveditinawaythatleftnopossibleroomfordoubtinyourmind,ifyouarehonestwithyourselfandlookfactsplainlyintheface.Iamnotgoingintotheproofagain,becauseit'saveryexhaustingthingandI'vehadahardday.Besides,ifitdidn'tconvinceyouthefirsttime,itwouldn'tthesecond.Trainsofreasoningaren'tlikeadvertisements.Youcometobelievethatacertainkindofpillwillpreventyourgoingbaldbecauseyou'veseenstatementstothateffecttenthousandtimes.It'sthecumulativeweightofrepeatedassertionwhichcompelsbeliefinthatcase.Butthekindofbeliefwhichdependsonreasoningisquitedifferent.Ifyou'vethesortofintellectwhichcannotgrasptheproofwhichEuclidgivesofoneofhispropositions,nonumberofrepetitionsofitwillhelpyouintheleast.That'sacurious
psychologicallaw,butitisalaw.ThereforeitwouldbethemerestwasteoftimeformetodemonstratetoyouagainthatMrs.LorimerandMissKingarethesameperson.Ipassontothenextstageinourenquiry.WillMissKingmurderhernexthusband?"
"Ifshe'sMrs.Lorimer,"saidtheMajor,"andifMrs.Lorimermurdered--"
"Thereareno'ifs'aboutthematter,"saidMeldon;"sheunquestionablywill.Shetoldmesoherself,andwhateverelsesheisshe'sawomanofherword.Thereremainsnowonlyonequestion,Whoishernexthusbandtobe?Andtheanswertothatmaybegivenintwosyllables--Simpkins."
"Ifyoureallybelieveallthat,"saidtheMajor,"and--"
"Ido,"saidMeldon.
"Thenyou'regoingtocommitahorriblecrime,andIinsistonyourstoppingatonce."
"Ican'tstopitnow.I'vesetthethinggoing,anditcan'tbestopped.Youmighthavestoppedityesterday,butyou'retoolatenow.
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I'msorryforpoorSimpkinsmyself.Ithoughthimadecentenoughsortofman."
"He'sacad."
"Thereyouareagain.Inonebreathyoutrytostopme,andintheverynextbreathyouurgemestronglytogoon.Whichdoyoumean?Notthatitmatters,forthethingisasgoodasdonenow.Stillyououghttotryandcultivatethehabitofdefinitelymakingupyourmind,andthenstickingtoit.Yousaidyesterdaydistinctly,andsofarIcouldjudgesincerely,thatyouwishedSimpkinswasdead.Nowyoupretendthatit'sashocktoyoutohearthathe'sgoingtobekilled.That'swhatIcallvacillation,andyououghttobeashamedofit."
MajorKentsighedheavily.
"There'snousemytalking,"hesaid,"butyou'llgetyourselfintotroublesomedaywiththesejokesofyours."
"Major,"saidMeldon,"I'veabsolutelynopatiencewithyou.You'rebackagainatthatjoketheoryofyours,afterI'vespenthalftheeveningexplainingtoyouthatthisisn'tajokingmatteratall.Imustdeclinetodiscussthematteranyfurther.We'lltalkofsomethingelse.IwasspeakingtoO'Donoghueto-dayabouttheproper
wayoffeedingthechildwhenithaswhoping-cough.Hesaysitoughttobegivenasmuchasitwantstoeatofanyordinarykindoffood.I'minclinedtoagreewithhim.Nowwhatisyouropinion?"
"Isupposeyou'rethinkingofyourownchild?"
"Yes,Iam.Anddon'tforgetthatshe'snotmerelymychild.She'salsoyourgod-child."
"Well,Igaveherasilvermug.Didn'tI?"
"Youdid.Acapitalmug,largeandheavy.She'llbeverygratefultoyouforthatmugsomeday;though,uptothepresent,allshehasdone
toitistodintitssideonedaybydroppingitagainstthecornerofthefenderwhenitwasgivenhertoplaywith.Youdidyourdutyinthematterofamug,andI'mnotsuggestingforamomentthatyoushouldgiveheranother.WhenIremindedyouthatyouarehergod-father,Imerelywantedtosuggestthatyououghttotakesomelittleinterestinherhealthandeducation."
"ButIdon'tknowwhatbabiesoughttoeat."
"Whatyoureallymeanisthatyoudon'tcare.You'resowrappedupinthismiserablelocalsquabblewithSimpkinsaboutasalmonthatyou'velostallinterestinthewidersubjectswhichareoccupyingtheattentionoftheworld."
"Comenow,J.J.Yourbaby--she'saverynicebabyandallthat.Butreally--"
"Iwon'ttalkaboutheranymoreifsheboresyou.Ithought,andhoped,thatshemightinterestyou.That'sthereasonIstartedherasatopicofconversation.Asshedoesn't,I'lldropheragain,atonce.ButwhatamItodo?Ibeganthiseveningwithaliteraryallusion,andfoundthatyou'dneverheardofLongfellow's'VillageBlacksmith.'Thatwasn'taveryencouragingstart,you'lladmit.LastnightItried
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youwithart,andallyoudidwastomixitupwithmorality,which,aseverybodyknows,isaperfectlyhopelessthingtodo.TheancientHebrewshadmoresense.Theywerespecialistsinmorality,andtheyabsolutelyforbadeart.WhereastheGreeks,whowereartists,wentinforathoroughlyimmoralkindoflife.Findingthatyouweretotallyindifferenttothemetaphysicsoftheaesthetic,Iofferedyouaninterestingchainofabstractreasoning.Whatwastheresult?Youwereabsolutelyunabletofollowme.Ithenthrewoutsomehintswhichmighthaveledtoaninterestingpsychologicaldiscussion,butyoudidn'tknowwhatImeant.ThiseveningItouchedononeofthegreatprincipleswhichmustguideusintheconsiderationofthewholefeministquestion--"
"ThatwaswhenyoutalkedaboutjudgingMissKing'sintentionsbythelookofhereyes,"saidtheMajor.
"Yes;itwas.AndsofarasIcanrecollect,allyoudidwastogrininafutileandsomewhatvulgarway.Finally,Itriedtotalktoyouaboutchildculture,whichisoneofthemostimportantproblemsofourday;aproblemwhichisoccupyingtheattentionofstatesmen,philanthropists,philosophers,doctors,andteachersofeverykind,fromkindergartenmistressestouniversityprofessors.Ibeganinquiteasimplewaywithaquestionaboutthefoodofaninfant.Wemight,ifyouhadtakenthesubjectupatallwarmly,havegotonto
theendowmentofmotherhood,naturestudy,medicalexaminationofschools,theboarding-outofworkhousechildren,religiouseducation,boyscouts,eugenics,andalotofotherperfectlyfascinatingtopics.Butwhatdoyoudo?Yousayfranklyandshamelesslythatyouknownothingatallaboutthematter."
"ButIreallydonotknowhowtofeedbabies.WhatwastheuseofpretendingthatIdo?"
"Isthere--togetbacktothepointfromwhichIstarted--isthereanysubjectthatyoudoknowanythingaboutbesidespoliticsandpoloponies?"
"I'mafraidnot,J.J.,excepttheyacht.Idoknowsomethingabouther."
"Then,"saidMeldon,"we'lldiscussher.Iexpectwe'llcometoanendofhersoon,butwecanatalleventsdecidewherewe'llgoto-morrow."
TheyachtturnedouttobeamorefruitfulsubjectthanMeldonexpected.TheMajorhadmadesomealterationsinhertrim,whichledtoananimateddiscussion.Healsohadaplanforchangingherfromacutterintoayawl,andMeldonwasquitereadytoargueoutthepointsofadvantageanddisadvantageineachrig.Itwashalf-pasteleveno'clockbeforetheypartedforthenight,andeventhentheyhadnotdecidedwheretogonextday.
CHAPTERIX.
ItwastheeveningoftheseconddayoftheSpindrift'scruise.Thewind,whichhadcomefreshfromtheeastinthemorning,followedthesunroundinitscourse,blowinggentlyfromthesouthatmid-day,andbreathingveryfaintlyfromthewestintheevening.Aftersunsetit
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diedawaycompletely.Thewholesurfaceofthebaylaycalm,savehereandtherewheresomechancemovementoftheairruffledatinypatchofwater;orwhere,atthecornersoftheislandsandinverynarrowchannels,theinwarddrawingofthetidemarkedlong,curvedlinesandillusivecirclesontheoilysea.TheSpindriftwaspoisedmotionlessonthesurfaceofthewater,borneslowly,almostimperceptibly,forwardbythesweepofthetide.Hermainsail,boomedout,hunginloosefolds.Thesheet,freedfromallstrain,wasbornedownbyitsownweight,untiltheslackofitdippedinthewater.Ternsandgulls,atlazyrest,floatedclosetotheyacht'sside.Longrowsofdarkcormorants,perchedonrockypoints,strainedtheirnecksandpeeredather.Innumerablejelly-fishspreadandsuckedtogetheragaintheirtransparentbodies,reachingdownandroundaboutthemwithpurplefeelers.Nowandthensomealmostimperceptiblebreathofwindswayedtheyacht'sboomslowlyforwardagainstthelooserunnerandthestay,liftedthedrippingsheetfromthewater,andhalfbelliedthesail.ThentheSpindriftwouldpressforward,hersparscreakingslightly,tinyripplesplayingroundherbows,adoublelineofoilybubblesinherwake.Againtheimpulsewouldfailher,andshewouldliestillamongthepalpitatingjellyfish,perfectlyreflectedinthewaterbeneathher;butcarriedsteadilyonbythesilentshorewardswellingofthetide.
MajorKentsatatthetillersmoking.Hewasinthatmoodofvacant
obliviousnessoftheordinaryaffairsoflifewhichlongdriftingoncalmseasinduces.Thehelplessnessofmaninasailing-ship,whenthewindfailshim,begetsakindoffatalisticacceptanceoftheinevitable,whichisthenearestthingtopeacethatanyofuseverattain.Indeedtodriftalongthetideispeace,andnoconvictionoftheinevitablenessoftheworrieswhichlurkinambushforusonthelandhasanypowertobreakthespell.
Meldonlaystretchedonthedeckoutsidethecombingofthecockpit.Nirvanahadnoattractionforhim.Heresentedforcedinactivityasanunendurablewrong.Insteadofsmokingwithhalf-closedeyes,hepeeredeagerlyforwardunderthesail.Henotedeverything--thefloatinggullsandpuffins,thestiff,wild-eyedcormorants,thejelly-fish,the
whirlingeddiesofthetide.Astheyachtdriftedon,orwasdrivenforwardbytheoccasionalfaintpuffsofair,hehissedthroughhisteethinthewayknowntosailorsaswhistlingforabreeze.HegazedlongandsteadilyatthebeachbeyondtheSpindrift'smoorings.
"Ithink,"hesaidatlast,"thatthereisamanontheshore,andhelookstomeverymuchasifhewaswaitingforus."
MajorKentmadenoanswer.Hisfeelingwasthatthemanwhowaitedmightbelefttowaitwithoutspeculationabouthispurpose.Guessingatthepossiblebusinessofanunknownanddistantmanisaformofmentalexertionverydistastefultoanyonewhohasenteredintothecalmjoyofdriftinghomeaftersunset.ButMeldonwasamanof
incurablyactivemind.Hewasdeeplyinterestedinthesolitaryfigureonthebeach.Theyachtwasborneveryslowlyon,anditbecamepossibleatlasttodistinguishthefigureofthewaitermoreclearly.
"Helookstome,"saidMeldonafewminuteslater,"verylikethatfellowCallaghan,theBallymoyHousegardener."
Therewasanotherpause.Apuffofwind,thelastvitalrallyoftheexpiringbreeze,carriedtheSpindriftforwardtillthepuntathermooringslayalmostunderherbow.
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"ItisCallaghan,"saidMeldon,"andthere'sonlyonethingwhichcanpossiblybringhimhereatthishour.SomethingofrealimportancemusthavehappenedbetweenSimpkinsandMissKing.Iwonderwhatitis."
"Catchthepunt,J.J.,andhaulherafttillyougetaholdofthebuoy.Ifwedriftpastwe'llnevergetbackagain.There'sbarelysteeragewayontheboatthisminute."
Meldonsteppedforward.Therewasanoiseofstrainingropesandsplashing.Thenhestooduprightandpulledthebuoyonboard.
"Unlesssomethingexceptionallyinterestinghasoccurred,"saidMeldon,"Ican'tunderstandCallaghanwaitingforuslikethis.Perhapsthey'vegotengaged."
"Nonsense,"saidtheMajor;"howcouldtheyintwodays?Letgothepeakhalyards,andtakeapullonthetoppinglift."
Thesailcameslowlydown.MajorKentandMeldonleanedacrossthegaffanddraggedatthefoldsofit.Callaghanhailedtheyachtfromtheshore.
"Holdon,"saidMeldon."Keepwhatyou'vegottosaytillIcometoyou.Ican'thavethedetailsofaninterestingloveaffairshoutedacrossastretchofwater."
Thesailsweremadeupandtheyachtsafelymoored.MeldonhustledMajorKentintothepunt,andpulledrapidlyforthebeach.Thepunt'skeelgratedonthegravel.Meldonseizedthepainterinhishandandleapedashore.
"Now,"hesaidtoCallaghan,"trotoutyournews.Havetheygotengaged?"
"Theyhavenot,"saidCallaghan.
"ThenIsupposetheremusthavebeenwhatyoucallimproprietyofconduct.Ifso--"
"Therehasnot,"saidCallaghan.
"That'sjustaswell;foriftherehadbeen,IshouldhavehadtoaskyoutowaitbeforegivingmedetailsuntiltheMajorhadgoneagoodbitofthewayhome.He'sanunmarriedman,andIdon'tthinkitwouldbegoodforhimto--"
"TherewasnoimproprietyofconductthatIseen,"saidCallaghan.
"Well,itcan'tbehelped.Ishouldhavebeenglad,ofcourse,tohearthatSimpkinshadbeenpushinghiswayonabit,holdingherhandorsomethingofthatkind.Isuppose,now,ifanythingofthesortoccurredyou'dbesuretohaveseenit."
"Don'tItellyoutherewasn't,"saidCallaghan;"northerecouldn'thavebeen,forSimpkinswasn'tneartheplacesincetheafternoonyouwasinityourself."
"What!Doyoumeantosay--?"
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"Hewasinittheonce,"saidCallaghan,"notlongafteryouleaving,andbarringthatshegavehimacupofteatherewasnothingpassedbetweenthem,andIwouldn'tsayhewastherehalfanhour."
"Doyouhearthat,Major?ThatsillyassSimpkinshasactuallyflungawayapricelessopportunity.Hehasn'tbeennearher."
"I'mgladtohearit,"saidMajorKent."Perhapsnowyou'llstopyourfoolishgames."
"Couldshehavegoneouttomeethimanywhere?"saidMeldontoCallaghan.
"Shecouldnot.Itwouldn'tbepossibleforhertodothelikeunbeknowntome,forIhadmyeyeonher."
"Allday?"
"AfterwhatyourreverencewassayingtomeI'dhavebeenafraidtoletheroutofmysight."
"Verywell,Callaghan,youcangohome.Ishallhavetothinkthematterover.Idon'tdenythatI'mdisappointed.IthoughtwhenIsaw
youstandingthereontheshorethatyou'dhavehadsomedefinitenewsforme."
"IwasupattheMajor'shousesearchingforyou,"saidCallaghan,"andwhenyouweren'twithinItookalookroundandIseentheyachtcominginonthetide,soIthoughtitwouldsavemeajourneyto-morrowifIwaitedforyou."
"Quiteright,"saidMeldon."It'snotyourfaultnothinghashappened,andIdon'tblameyouintheleast.Good-night."
Callaghanshambledoffalongthebeach.TheMajorandMeldon,whocarriedthepunt'soars,struckacrossthefieldstowardsPortsmouth
Lodge.
"Ican'tunderstanditatall,"saidMeldon."AfterwhatIsaidtoSimpkinsIsimplycan'tunderstandhisneglectinghisopportunitieslikethis.You'dthinkfromthewayhe'sbehavingthathedoesn'twanttobemarriedatall."
"Perhapshedoesn't,"saidtheMajor."Anyway,youcandonomorethanyou'vedone.Youmayaswelldropitnow,andhavetherestofyourholidayinpeace."
"Thefactis,"saidMeldon,"Ioughtnottohavegoneawayandleftthem.IhadnobusinesstotakethatcruiseintheSpindrift.If
I'dbeenhere--"
"Idon'tseewhatyoucouldhavedone.Ifthefellowdoesn'twantthegirl,howcouldyouforcehimtogoandmarryher?Anyway,it'sagoodjobforMissKingthathehasn't."
"IfI'dbeenhere--"saidMeldon,andthenpaused.
"Whatwouldyouhavedone?"
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"I'dhavedonewhatI'mgoingtodonowthatI'mback."
"Andwhat'sthat?"
"Throwthemtogether,"saidMeldon."Insistonhisbeingconstantlywithheruntilhebeginstoappreciatehercharm.Idefyanyone,anyonewho'snotalreadymarried,toresistMissKingifshelooksathimoutofthecornersofhereyesasshedidatmetheotherday."
"Shewon'tdothat,"saidtheMajor."Nowomanwould,onceshehadseenSimpkins."
"Oh,she'lldoitallright.Don'tyoufretaboutthat.AllIhavetodoistogiveheraproperopportunitybythrowingthemtogetherabit."
"Idon'tquiteseehowyou'regoingtodothatifSimpkinswon'tgonearher."
"Youwouldn'tsee,ofcourse.Indeedyoucouldn't,becauseIdon'tquiteknowmyselfyethowitistobemanaged.Ishallhavetothinkitalloververycarefully.Imayhavetospendthegreaterpartofthenightconsideringthematter;butonethingyoumaybequiteconfidentabout,Major,andthatisthatwhenIsaytheyaretobe
throwntogether,theywillbethrowntogether.IshallmakesucharrangementsthatSimpkinssimplywon'tbeabletoescape,howeverhardhetries."
MeldonwasnotobligedtospendasleeplessnightdevisingmeetingsbetweenSimpkinsandMissKing.Heputtheoarsintothecoach-houseassoonashereachedPortsmouthLodge,andthensettleddownwithapipeonahammock-chairoutsidethedoor.HewasreadywithapracticalsuggestionbythetimeMajorKenthadfinisheddressingfordinner.Beingtoowisetoproposeadifficultmattertoahungryman,hewaiteduntilthemealwasnearlyoverbeforehesaidanythingtohisfriend.
"Major,"hesaid,"to-morrowisSunday,andIthinkitwouldbeacapitalthingifyouintroducedyourselftoMissKingafterchurch.Youcouldwaylayherjustoutsidetheporch,andtellherwhoyouare.I'vetalkedtoheragooddealaboutyou,soshe'llknowyoudirectlyshehearsyourname."
"Idon'tthinkI'lldothat,J.J.,"saidtheMajor."Fromwhatyou'vetoldmeaboutherIdon'tthinkshe'sthekindofwomanI'dcareabout.IthinkI'llkeepclearofherasmuchasIcan."
"Itoldyou,"saidMeldon,"thatshewasgood-lookingandhadpleasantmannerswhennotirritated.Idon'tseewhatobjectionyoucanhavetoher."
"Iwasn'tthinkingaboutherappearanceorhermanners.Theymaybeallright,butifwhatyousaidistrueandshereally--"
"Don'tbenarrow-minded,Major.Ihatethatkindofpharisaicalbigotry.ThefactthatMrs.Lorimerbehavedasshedidisnoreasonintheworldwhyyoushouldcutthepoorwoman.It'sawell-knownfactthatpeoplewhoarereallymuchworsethansheisarefreelyreceivedintothebestsociety;and,inanycase,thelatestsystemsofmoralityarequitechangingtheviewthatweusedtotakeaboutmurder.Take
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Nietzsche,forinstance--"
"Who'sNietzsche?"
"He'saphilosopher,"saidMeldon,"orratherhewas,forhe'sdeadnow.Hedividedallmoralityintotwokinds--slavemorality,whichheregardsasdespicable,andmastermorality,whichisofthemostsuperiorpossiblekind."
"Still--Idon'tknowanythingaboutthemanyoumention,butIsupposeevenhewouldhavedrawnthelineatmurder."
"Notatall.Mastermorality,which,accordingtohissystem,isthebestkind,consistsentirelyofbeingthesortofmanwhoisabletogetintoapositiontobullyotherpeople.Slavemorality,ontheotherhand,consistsinhavingthekindoftemperamentwhichsubmitstobeingbullied,andpretendstothinkitafinethingtosuffer.Nowmurder,asanyonecansee,issimplyanextremeformofbullying;andthereforeasuccessfulmurderer,accordingtoNietzsche'sphilosophy,isthefinestkindofmanthereis.Whereashisvictims,thelateLorimer,forinstance,aremereslaves,andthereforethoroughlydespicable.Youfollowmesofar,Isuppose?"
"No,Idon't.Ifanymansayswhatyousaythatfellowsays--"
"Nietzschedoesn'tactuallysayallthat,"saidMeldon."Hehadn'tasufficientlylogicalmindtoworkouthisphilosophytoitsultimatepracticalconclusions,butyoumaytakemywordforitthatI'vegivenyouthegistofhissystem."
"Thenheoughttohavebeenhanged."
"Idaresayheought,"saidMeldon."IneedscarcelysayIdon'tagreewithhim.Butthat'snotthepoint.Asamatteroffact,sofarfrombeinghangedorincurringanykindofodium,hissystemisquitethemostpopularthereisatpresent.Londonisfullofyoungmeninlarge,roundspectacles,andscraggywomenwhohaven'tsucceededin
gettingmarried--theleadersofmodernthought,you'llobserve,Major--everyoneofwhomisdeeplyattachedtoNietzsche.Youcan't,withoutlabellingyourselfahopelessreactionary,flyrightinthefaceofculturedsocietybyrefusingtoassociatewithMissKing."
"Iwon'tmixmyselfupwith--"
"Comenow,Major,thatsortofattitudewouldhavebeenallverywellfiftyyearsago,butitwon'tdonow.Yousimplycan'tshutyourselfupandsaythatyouwon'tspeaktoanyonewhodoesn'tagreewithyouineveryopinionyouhave.Asamatteroffact,youassociatefreelywithlotsofpeoplewhodifferfromyouinreligionandpoliticsfarmorefundamentallythanpoorMissKingdoes.Youcan'trefusetoknow
hersimplybecausesheacceptsasystemofphilosophywhichyouneverheardoftillthisminute,andevennowdon'tthoroughlyunderstandinspiteofallI'vetoldyouaboutit."
"Inanycase,"saidtheMajor,"Idon'tlikewomenwhoflirt.Andyoutoldmeyourselfthatshetriedtoflirtwithyou."
"Ah,"saidMeldon,"nowwe'regettingatyourrealreasons.Ithoughtyoucouldn'tbeinearnestabouttheNietzscheanphilosophy.Thatwasmerelyanexcuse.Whatyou'rereallyafraidofisthatMissKingmight
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marryyou.Idon'tblameyouforbeingalittlecautiousaboutthat,knowingwhatyoudoaboutthefateofherformerhusbands.AtthesametimeImaypointout--"
"I'mnottheleastafraidofhermarryingme.Shewon'tgetthechance."
"Thenwhydoyousayyouobjecttoherflirting?"
"BecauseIdoobjecttoit.Idon'tlikethatkindofwoman."
"Doyoumeantosay,Major,thatagirlisn'ttobeallowedtomakeeyesatthemanshe'sgoingtomarry?"
"Idon'tsayanythingofthesort.Ofcourse,ifshe'sgoingtomarryaman--butreally,J.J.,Idon'tknowanythingaboutthesethings."
"Thendon'ttalkaboutthem.Youmaytakemywordforit,Major,thatMissKingisperfectlyjustifiedinbeingasniceasevershecantoSimpkins."
"IneversaidanythingaboutSimpkins.AsfarasIcanmakeoutsheisn'tparticularlynicetoSimpkins."
"No,sheisn't,sofar;butthat'sonlybecauseshehasn'thadafairchance.WhenwegetthemouttogetherintheSpindrift--"
"What?"
"WhenwegetthetwoofthemouttogetherintheSpindrift,"saidMeldon,speakingslowlyanddistinctly,"you'llseethatshe'llmakeherselfperfectlyfascinating--nottoyouorme,buttoSimpkins."
"LeavingMissKingoutofthequestion,"saidtheMajor,"I'dlikeyoutobeperfectlyclearaboutthis.Iwon't--"
"BeforewegoontoSimpkins,"saidMeldon,"wemustsettledefinitely
aboutMissKing.IsitunderstoodthatyoucatchherafterchurchtomorrowandinviteheroutforasailwithusintheSpindrift?"
"No;Iwon't.Iwouldn'tinanycase;butifSimpkins--"
"I'mnotgoingontoSimpkinsyet.ImustfinishMissKingfirst.You'vegivenyourreasonsfornotmakingheracquaintance,andI'veshownyouthattheyareutterlyfeebleandwon'tholdwaterforaminute.Ifyou'venootherobjection,thenIthink,asastraightforwardman,youareboundtoadmityouareinthewronganddowhatyououghttohavebeenreadytodowithoutallthisarguing."
"Toobligeyou,"saidtheMajor,"andbecauseIwantyoutohavea
pleasantholidaynowyou'rehere,IwillaskMissKingoutwithusonce.ButIwon'taskSimpkins.Themanisahorridbounder,whomakeshimselfobjectionabletoeverybody,andIwon'taskhim."
"Nobodywantsyoutoaskhim.I'llaskhim."
"Thatwillbejustthesamething.Onceforall,J.J.,Iwon'thavethatmanonboardmyboat."
"Idon'tthink,"saidMeldon,"thatyouarebehavingwithquiteyour
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usualfairness,Major.Youdon'tlikeSimpkins.Iamnotgoingintothereasonsforyourdislike.Theymaybesound,ortheymaybethereverse.Isimplystatethefactthatyoudon'tgetonwiththeman.Verywell.Idon'tgetonwithMissKing.ItoldyoutheotherdaythatIoffendedher,andshewaswhatIshouldcallextremelyrudetomeafterwards.ButdoIbringthatupasareasonwhyyoushouldnottakeherforasailintheSpindrift?Certainlynot.Itwon't,asamatteroffact,beparticularlypleasantformehavingtositinthesameboatalldaywithayoungwomanwhowon'tspeaktome;butI'mpreparedtosacrificemyselfanddoit.AndyououghttobereadytodothesamethinginthecaseofSimpkins."
"I'mnot,"saidtheMajor."Ican'tandwon'thaveSimpkins."
"MydearMajor,don'tyouseethatyourquarrelwithSimpkinsisoneofthestrongestpointsinthewholeplan?Hewon'tspeaktoyouwhenheseesthatyoudislikehim.MissKingwon'tspeaktome.Whatwilltheconsequencebe?Why,ofcourse,they'llbethrowntogether.Theymusttalktoeachother,andthat'sexactlywhatwewantthemtodo.IfSimpkinswasafriendofyours,andifMissKingwasparticularlyfondofme,there'dbenouseourtakingthemoutatall.Theywouldn'tbeobligedtotalktoeachother."
"Ifyou'vefinishedyourdinner,J.J.,wemayaswellgointothenext
roomandsmoke.Idon'tseethatthere'sanyusegoingonwiththisconversation."
"Thereisn't;nottheleast.Butyou'lldomethejustice,Major,toadmitthatitwasn'tIwhoinsistedonit.Icouldperfectlywellhavearrangedthematterintwosentences,butyouwouldarguewithmeabouteverysinglethingIsaid."
MajorKentroseandopenedthedoorforhisfriend.Theywenttogetherintothestudyandsatdown.TheMajor,afterafewpreliminaryexcuses,tookthetwocopiesofTheTimes,whichhadarrivedbypostwhilsthewasoutintheSpindrift.Hesettleddowntotheleadingarticleswithacomfortablesensethathewasdoinghisduty.Meldon
wanderedroundtheroomlookingforsomethingtoread.Hefoundanewbookonboat-buildingwhichpromisedtobeinteresting.Unfortunatelyitturnedouttobehighlytechnical,andthereforedull.Itdroppedfromhisknees.Henodded,tookthepipefromhismouth,laybackcomfortably,andwenttosleep.MajorKentsatisfiedhimselfthattheEnglishnavy,thoughinsomewaysthebestintheworld,wasinotherrespectsinefficientandutterlyuselessasanationaldefence.Then,ataboutteno'clock,hetoowentasleep.Afewminuteslaterhebegantosnore,andthenoisehemadewokeMeldon.Hefeltforhispipe,filledandlitit.HesatgazingatMajorKentforaquarterofanhour,thenhecoughedloudly.TheMajorwokewithastart.
"It'saremarkablething,"saidMeldon,"howsleepytwodaysonthesea
makeone.Ihadanapmyself.Youweresoundandsnoring."
"It'searlyyet,"saidtheMajor,glancingattheclock."Iseldomturninbeforeeleven."
"I'mgoingtoturninnow,"saidMeldon."I'dbebetterinbed,forIcan'tsleepherewiththewayyou'resnoring.IjustwokeyouuptosaythatI'llgetaholdofSimpkinssometimeto-morrowandsettlethingswithhim.Idaresay,afterthewayhehasbehavedtothepooroldrector,thathe'llbeashamedtocometochurch,butI'lllookhim
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upafterwards.You'llberesponsibleforMissKing."
"Ican'targueanymoreto-night,"saidtheMajor,yawning;"butdon'tyougotobedundertheimpressionthatI'mgoingtohaveSimpkinsintheyacht,forI'mnot."
"Idon'twanttoargueeither,butI'lljustsayonewordtoyoubeforeIgo:onewordthatI'dliketohaveimprintedonyourmindduringthenight.Youwon'tmindlisteningtooneword,willyou?"
"Notifit'sonlyone."
"Itisliterallyandsimplyone.Duty."
"Duty!"saidtheMajor,sittingup.
"Yes,duty.You'reanEnglishman,Major,atleastbydescent,andyouknowthatthere'soneappealwhichisnevermadeinvaintoEnglishmen,andthatistheappealtoduty.Wasn'tthatthemeaningofthesignalNelsonhoistedjustbeforeheaskedHardytokisshim!AndwhatdidHardydo?Kissedhimatonce,thoughhecan'tpossiblyhavelikedit."
"Ithinkyou'vegotthestorywrongsomewhere,J.J.AswellasIrecollect--"
"Imaybeinaccurateinsomeofthedetails,"saidMeldon,"butthebroadprincipleisasIstateit;andIputittoyounow,Major,beforeIsaygood-night,willyouorwillyounotrespondtotheappeal?RememberTrafalgarandtheoldVictory.You'reamilitaryman,ofcourse,butyoumusthavesomerespectforNelson."
"Ihave.ButIdon'tseehowdutycomesininthiscase.Oh,J.J.!Iwishyou'dgotobedandstoptalking."
"Iwill.Iwantto.I'mabsolutelydroppingofftosleep,butIcan'tgotillI'veexplainedtoyouwhereyourdutylies.HereisthetownofBallymoygroaningunderanintolerabletyranny.Doyle'slifeisa
burdentohim.O'Donoghuecan'tsleepatnightforfearofaLocalGovernmentBoardenquiry.Thepoliceareharriedinthedischargeoftheirduties.Therector'sbronchitisisintensifiedtoadangerousextent.SabinaGallagher'sred-hairedcousin,whosenameI'venotyetbeenabletodiscover,isperfectlymiserable.PooroldCallaghan,whomeanswell,thoughhehasamostpuritanicaldreadofimpropriety,isworntoashadow.Itrestswithyouwhetherthisstateofthingsistocontinueornot.Youand,sofarasIcanseeatpresent,youalone,areinapositiontoarrangeforthedownfallofSimpkins.Isitorisitnotyourduty,yoursimpleduty,todowhatyoucan,evenatthecostofsomelittletemporaryinconveniencetoyourself?"
"IfIthoughtallthat--"saidtheMajor."ButI'mmuchtoosleepyto
think."
"You'renotaskedtothink,"saidMeldon."WhateverthinkinghastobedoneI'lldomyself.Youhavetoact,orratherinthiscasetopermitmetoact."
"Iexpectyou'llact,asyoucallit,whetherIpermityouornot."
"OfcourseIwill,"saidMeldon."ButI'dratherhaveyourpermission.I'dratheryoudidn'tshattertheidealI'vealwayshadofyouasa
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duty-lovingEnglishman."
"Allright,"saidtheMajorwearily."Dowhatyoulike,butforgoodness'sakegotobedandstoptalking."
"Good-night,"saidMeldon."Ifyoufindyourselfinclinedtochangeyourmindbeforemorning,justmurmurovertoyourself,'Englandexpectseverymantodohisduty.'Thatwillstiffenyourback."
CHAPTERX.
MajorKentcamedowntobreakfastnextmorninginafrockcoatandawhitewaistcoat.Hissilkhat,carefullybrushedandglossy,layonthehalltablewithapairofpalegreykidglovesbesideit.Meldon,whowasalittlelateforbreakfast,pausedinthehallandlookedatthehat.Enteringthedining-roomhetookalongstareathisfriend.
"Major,"hesaid,"you'reawonderfulman.Ihadforgottenhowwonderfulyouare.NowthatIamgettingtoknowyouagainIamstruckdumbwithabsoluteamazement."
TheMajorwasuneasilyconsciousthathisattirewasinstrongcontrasttoMeldon'sshabbyjacketandwrinkledtrousers.
"Idon'tsuppose,"saidMeldon,"thatthere'sanothermaninthewholeworldwhocouldgoondressinghimselfuplikethatSundayafterSundayinaplacelikeBallymoy.However,thehabitwillturnoutbeneficialforonce.Iexpectyou'llproduceanexcellenteffectonMissKing."
"Iwasthinkingoverthatplanofyourslastnight,"saidtheMajor,"and--"
"IwasundertheimpressionthatIdistinctlytoldyounottothink.There'snottheslightestnecessityforyoutoexertyourselfinthat
way;andbesides,sofarasIknow,youinvariablythinkwrong.However,ifyoureallyhavethought,you'dbettergettheresultoffyourchestatonce."
"Itoccurredtome--"saidtheMajor.
"That'snotquitethesamethingasthinking.Idon'tblameyousomuch,nowthatIknowthatthething,whateveritis,merelyoccurredtoyou.Nomancanbeheldresponsibleforthethingsthatoccurtohim.TherewasoneoftheancientEgyptianhermitswhomadeaverysensibleremarkonthatsubject.You'llfinditinMigne's'PatrologiaLatina,'inthevolumewhichcontainsthe'VerbaSeniorum.'Ican'tquotetheexactwordsatthemoment,buttheyaretothiseffect:'If
youcan'tstopthewindfromblowing,neithercanyoupreventevilthoughtsfromenteringyourmind.'Idaresaythethingthatoccurredtoyouwasn'tactuallyevilinthesensewhichthehermitmeant,butitisprettysuretohavebeenfoolish;andthat,forallpracticalpurposes,isthesamething.Bytheway,thisisexcellentbacon;quitethebestI'vetastedforalongtime.DoesDoylesupplyit?"
"No;IgetitdownfromDublin.Butaboutthatplanofyours.ItoccurstomethatMissKingisnotlikelytobeinchurch."
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"Ofcourseshe'llbeinchurch.Whyshouldn'tshe?"
"Well,ifshe'sadiscipleofthatmanyouwerespeakingaboutlastnight,shecanhardlybewhat'sgenerallycalledaChristian,canshe?"
"Ofcoursenot.Butshe'llcometochurchjustthesame."
"Butsurely--Notifshedoesn'tbelieveinChristianity?"
"MydearMajor!yourideasinsomerespectsareextraordinarilyprimitive.ThelessanybodylikesChristianityforhimself,themoresureheisthatit'sanexcellentreligionforotherpeople.That'sthereasonyoufindstatesmenallovertheworldsupportingwhateverChurchisuppermostatthemomentintheparticularcountrytheyhappentobedealingwith.LookatthehistoryofIreland,forinstance.ForacenturyandahalfBritishstatesmensteadilyfattedupourchurch.Nowtheyaredroppinganyplumsthattheycanspare--CongestedDistrictsBoardsandsuchthings--intothemouthsoftheRomanCatholicbishops.Doyousupposetheycareapinforeither?Notthey.Alltheywantistostrengthenupsomeformofreligionwhichwillkeepthepeoplequiet.TheythinkthatChristianityisanexcellentthingforeverybodytheyhavetogovern,thoughtheytakejollygoodcarenottoactonitthemselves.Injustthesamewayyou'llseethatMissKingwillbeinchurchto-day.AsafollowerofNietzscheshedoesn't
herselfaccepttheethicsofChristianity,butshe'llconsideritherdutytoencourageeverybodyelsetoacceptthem,andtheonlypracticalwayshehasofdoingthatistoattendchurchregularly."
"You'repreachingto-day,aren'tyou,J.J.?"
"Yes,Iam.IpromisedthepooroldrectorthatIwoulddoallIcouldtohelphimwhileI'mhere.Whydoyouask?"
"Iwaswondering,"saidtheMajor,"ifyouweregoingtogiveusthatdoctrineoutofthepulpit."
"Well,I'mnot.Yououghttoknow,Major,thatmysermonsarealways
strictlypractical,anddealentirelywithmattersofpressinglocalimportance:theordinarydifficultiesanddangersofthepeopleI'mpreachingto.Therewon'tbeanystatesmeninchurchto-day,sothere'dbenopointinmyexplainingthattheory.IfI'meveraskedtopreachbeforetheHouseofCommonsIshallgiveittothem."
ThisaccountofMeldon'stheoryofsermonsmadetheMajoralittlenervous.Heaskedhisnextquestionanxiously.
"Areyougoingtobepersonal,J.J.?Ihopenot."
"Ican'tpreachthewholesermontoyoubeforehand,Major;butIdon'tmindtellingyouthatitwilldealwiththeviceofsquabblingwhichI
findrampantinsmallcommunities.Ishan't,ofcourse,mentionyouandSimpkins;or,forthematterofthat,DoyleandO'Donoghue,thoughitwouldn'tmattermuchifIdidmentionthem.BeingRomanCatholics,theywon'tbetheretoobject."
"Thesermonwillbepersonal,then?"
"No,itwon't.Ishan'tevenalludetothesubjectoffishing.Ishallpreachinsuchawayastogetateverybodywhohaseverquarrelledwithanybodyelse.AfterlisteningtowhatIsay,youwill
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bemuchmoreinclinedtotakeSimpkinsoutintheSpindrift."
Meldon'ssermonwasallthatheboasted.HechoseashistextaverseoutoftheBookofProverbswhichcomparesanyonewhomeddlesunnecessarilywithstrifetoamanwhotakesadogbytheears.Hespokefeelingly,fromwhatappearedtobetherecollectionofunpleasantexperience,ofthewayinwhichspiriteddogsbehavewhenanyonetakesthemforciblybytheears.Heexplainedinashortparenthesisthebestwayofdealingwithdog-fights.Healsodescribedinsimplelanguagetheconsequenceswhichresultfrombeingbitten--consequenceswhichrangefromhydrophobiaandtetanusdowntosimpleblood-poisoning.Thenhepassedontoshowthathumanbites,inflicted,sohesaid,oftenerwiththetonguethanwiththeteeth,werefarmoredangerousthanthoseofdogs.Thecongregationbecamegreatlyinterestedatthispoint,andallowedthemselvestobesweptforwardbyaviolentsophismwhichcarriedthepreacherfarbeyondtheoriginalstatementofSolomon.Allquarrelling,notmerelyinterferingwithexistingquarrelsoflongstanding,wasdenouncedinforciblelanguage.MajorKentfeltuncomfortable;then,asthepreacherworkedhimselfup,resentful.Finally,hewascowed.MeldonseizedthepsychologicalmomentandclosedhisdiscoursewithaquotationfromthepoetryofDr.Watts.Hemadearemarkablyappositecitationofthewell-knownlineswhichexoneratedogs,bears,andlionsfromanyblamewhentheybark,bite,growl,orfight,andemphasisedtheentirely
differentpositionofthehumanrace.
MajorKent,bruisedbythevigourofhisfriend'seloquence,accostedMissKinginthechurchporchafterservice;apologisedfornothavingformallycalledonher;andinvitedhertogoyachtingwithhimnextdayintheSpindrift.MissKingacceptedtheinvitation,andthen,workedupperhapstoanunusualpitchoffriendlinessbythesermon,askedtheMajortogobacktoBallymoyHousewithherforluncheon.MeldonappearedfromthedoorofthevestryroomandurgedtheMajortoaccepttheinvitation.
"AsIexpected,"hesaid,"Simpkinswasn'tinchurch.--Howdoyoudo,MissKing?I'mgladyouandtheMajorhavemadefriends.You'resure
tolikeeachother.--SoIshallhavetogoroundtohishouseandlookhimup.Idaresayhe'llgivemeabitetoeat;andifhedoesn't,Doylewill.Youwillofcourseaccept"--heappearedtobeaddressingMajorKent--"MissKing'sinvitation.I'llcallroundforyouataboutfour.IdaresayMissKingwillgiveusbothacupoftea.Youdriveherhomeinyourtrap,Major.IcanwalkdowntoSimpkins'housequiteeasily."
Meldon,carryinghishatinonehand,strodeoffinthedirectionofMr.Simpkins'house.MissKinglookedatMajorKent.
"Youseeit'sallsettledforyou,"shesaid."You'llhavetocomebackwithme."
"IsupposeIhadbetter,"saidtheMajor.Thenafterapauseheadded,"OfcourseI'mdelightedto,andit'sverykindofyoutoaskme."
SimpkinswasstretchedinahammockchairreadinganovelwhenMeldonfoundhim.Hereceivedaseverelecturefornotattendingchurch,whichseemedtosurprisehimagooddeal,especiallyashisabsencewasattributedbyMeldontoshameandaconsciousnessofguilt,feelingsfromwhichSimpkinshadneverinhislifesuffered.Then--andthisseemedtoastonishhimstillmore--hewaswarmlyinvitedtogofora
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day'syachtingintheSpindrift.
"Ididn'thear,"hesaiddoubtfully,"thatMajorKentwasgoingaway."
"Heisn't,"saidMeldon."Don'tItellyouhe'sgivingapicnicinhisyacht?"
"Areyousurehewantsme?"
"Certain.Hesentyouaninvitation,whichisaplainproofthathewantsyou.Hewouldhavedeliveredithimself,onlythatMissKingcaughthimafterchurchandcarriedhimofftoluncheon.ButIhaveoneofhiscardswithme,andifyouinsistoneverythingbeingdoneinthemostaccurateandcorrectpossiblemanner,I'llleaveitontheumbrellastandinyourhallasIgoout."
MeldonhadprovidedhimselfwithafewoftheMajor'svisitingcardsbeforeleavingPortsmouthLodgeinthemorning.Hewasamanwhopridedhimselfonleavingnothingtochance.Sinceitwasjustpossiblethatthecardsmightturnouttobeuseful,hehadputafewinhispocket.
"Infact,"hewenton,"topreventanypossiblemistakeormisunderstandingImayaswellhanditovertoyouatonce."He
producedacard,slightlycrumpledandagooddealsoiled,fromhiswaistcoatpocket,andlaiditonSimpkins'knee.Simpkinslookedatitdoubtfully,tookitupinhishand,andexaminedbothsidesofit.Thenhespokeslowly.
"Ithinkyouknow,"hesaid;"infact,I'vetoldyoumyself,thattheMajorandIaren'tonverygoodterms.Iwasobligedtospeaktohimratherstronglyaboutthewayheusedtofishinapartoftheriver--"
"Iknowallaboutthat;youneedn'tgointoitagain.It'sentirelyoveranddonewith.Aneraofpeaceisbeginningtodawn.Afterlisteningtomysermonthismorning--it'sagreatpityforyourownsakethatyouweren'tinchurch,Simpkins--theMajorfindshimselfina
positiontoforgetthepastandtostartfresh.Hisattitudenow--verylargelyowingtomysermon--isthatofthedovewhichcametothearkwithanoliveleafpluckedoffinitsmouth."
Simpkinswasnotapparentlypreparedtoaccepttheoliveleaf.HeaskedMeldonwhetherthatdovewasthetextofhissermon.
"No,itwasn't.Imighthavealludedtoit,butIdidn't.Imighthaveexplained,ifI'dthoughtofitatthetime--infact,Iwillexplaintoyounow.Thedoveisofallbirdsthemostpeacefulandtheleastinclinedtoquarrelwithotherbirds.You'dknowthatbythesoothingwayitcoos,andalsobythecolourofitsbreast.Tennyson,thepoet,notesthefactthatthepeculiarblueyshadeofitsfeathers
arousesfeelingsofaffectioninpeoplewhoweren'tthinkingofanythingofthesortbeforetheysawit.I'mnotpreparedtoassertthatpositivelymyself,butIshouldn'twonderiftherewassomethingintheidea.Thentheolivebranchistheregular,recognisedsymbolofpeace.Thereasonofthatisthatoilisgotoutofolives,andoilisoneofthemostsoothingthingsthereis.Ofcourse,yougetoilfromothersourcestoo--fromwhales,forinstance;buttheolivebranchischosenasasymbolbecauseit'ssuchamuchmoreconvenientthingtocarryaboutthanawhaleis.Noexplorer,whenmeetingasavagetribewithwhichhedoesn'twanttofight,couldpossiblywaveawhale,even
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ifhehadonewithhim--andhewouldn'tbelikelyto,unlesshewasexploringthepolarregions--whereashecanwaveanolivebranch,andalwaysdoes.That'sthereasontheolivebranchandnotthewhaleischosenasthesymbolofpeace.You'llbeabletorealisenowhowextraordinarilypeaceabletheMajoriswhenIcomparehimtoadovewithanoliveleafinhismouth."
"If,"saidSimpkins,whohadonlypartiallyfollowedthereasoningaboutthedoveandtheolive--"iftheMajorapologisesforthewayhespoke,I'mquiteready--"
"Hedoesn'tactuallyapologise,"saidMeldon."Youcanhardlyexpectthatofhim.Ithinkmyselfhe'sgoingasfarascanreasonablybeexpectedofhimwhenheasksyououtforaday'syachting.Veryfewmenwoulddoasmuch;andImaysaytoyou,Simpkins,thatifyou'dbeeninchurchto-dayandheardmysermon,youwouldn'tbeinclinednowtostandoutforanapology.Youwould,infact,mostlikelybelookingoutforanoliveleafandadoveofyourowntocarrytotheMajor."
"Buthewasentirelyinthewrongaboutthefishing.Iadmittedallalongthathewasperfectlyentitledtofishbelowthebridge,butheinsisted---"
"Quiteso,"saidMeldon."That'smyexactpoint.Anyfoolcanapologisewhenhe'sbeenintheright.Thatgiveshimsuchacomfortablesenseofsuperioritythathedoesn'tabitmindgrovellingbeforetheotherfellow.Whatistotallyimpossibleistoapologisewhenyou'reinthewrong.Youmustbeabletorealisethat."
"I'mnotatallsure,"saidSimpkins,"thatIoughttoaccepttheinvitation.MajorKent'shostilitytomehasbeenmostmarked.Everybodyabouttheplacehasnoticedit."
"Unlessyou'reperfectlysurethatyououghtnottoaccepttheinvitation,"saidMeldon,"Ithinkyou'dbettergiveyourselfthebenefitofthedoubt.Itwillbeamostenjoyableexpedition.Miss
Kingiscoming.Bytheway,Ihopeyouhaven'tquarrelledwithMissKinginanyway?"
"No,Ihaven't.WhyshouldI?"
"I'mgladtohearit,Iwasafraidperhapsyouandshemighthavefallenoutoversomething.Butifyouhaven't,whydidn'tyougonearherforthelasttwodays?"
"IwasthereonThursdayafternoon.Ican'twithanydecencycallonhereverydayintheweek."
"Ohyes,youcan;and,ifyoumeantomarryher,yououghtto.Believe
me,there'snothingestrangesawoman'saffectionsorapidlyasthatkindofstudiedneglect.Shecan'tcallonyou,youknow,withoutputtingherselfinawhollyfalseposition."
"Ihaven'tquitemadeupmymindaboutmarryingher."
"Oh,well,thedayintheSpindriftwilldothatforyou.There'ssomethingveryexhilarating,Simpkins,aboutafreshseabreeze.Itsimplysweepsawayallhesitation,andrendersyoucapableofmarryingalmostanyone.That'sthereasonwhysailorsarefamousforhavinga
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wifeineveryporttheycallat,andwhynobodyblamesthemforit.Exposed,astheynecessarilyare,totheseaairatitspurest,theysimplycan'thelpthemselves.Theybecomeexaggeratedlyuxoriouswithoutintheleastmeaningto."
"Besides,"saidSimpkins,"I'venoreasontosupposethatMissKingwouldmarryme."
"Haveyouanyreasontosupposeshewon't?"
"No.I'veonlyseenheronce,youknow."
"ThenIthinkitextremelylikelythatshewill.Everybodyknowsthatmostpeopledothingsnotsomuchbecausetheywanttoasbecausetheyhaven'tanyreasonforrefusing.Taketheaverageparty,forinstance--teaparty,tennisparty,gardenparty,ordinnerparty.Howmanymengotopartiesbecausetheywantto?Notoneinahundred.Theotherninety-ninegosimplybecausethere'snoavailablereasonfornotgoing.It'sjustthesamewithmarrying.UnlessyougiveMissKingsomegoodreasonforrefusingyou,she'llmarryyouassoonaseveryouaskher.AndifIwereyouI'daskherto-morrow.We'lllandonanislandforluncheon.TheMajorandIwillslipoffbyourselvesandgiveyouyouropportunity."
"I'mnotsure--"
"Comenow,Simpkins,haveyouanythingagainstthegirl?Hasanybodybeencirculatingstoriesaboutherofanysort?Iknowthisisagossipysortofplace,and--"
"Ohno;it'ssimplythatIdon'tknowher."
"Ifthat'sall,"saidMeldon,"adayintheSpindriftwillsetitright.You'llbesurprisedhowintimateyoubecomewithapersonwhenyou'resittingforhourscrammedupagainsthimorherinthecockpitofafive-tonyacht.Bythetimeyou'vedisentangledhertwicefromthemainsheet,withtheMajorswearingallthetime,andbeenobliged
tohaulheruptowindwardwhenevertheboatgoesaboutandshegetsleftwithherheaddownontheleeside,yougettofeelasifyou'dknownherintimatelyforyears.Bytheway,whattimedoyoulunch?"
"Half-pastone,"saidSimpkins."Willyou--"
"Thanks,"saidMeldon;"Iwill,ifyou'requitesurethere'senoughfortwo.I'mdueatMissKing'satfour.TheMajor'sthere.MissKingaskedhimtoluncheonwithher.Butyouneedn'tmind.Hehasn'ttheleastnotionofmarryingheroranybodyelse.Youcancomewithmeintheafternoonifyoulike.Infact,Ithinkitwouldbeaverygoodplanifyoudid.I'llcleartheMajoroutofthewayatonce,andthenyoucanhaveagoodinnings.Ifyouplayyourcardsproperlyto-day,
you'llcertainlybeinapositiontoproposetoherto-morrow."
Atfouro'clockMeldonledtheratherembarrassedSimpkinsuptoBallymoyHouse.MissKingandMajorKentweresittingtogetheronthelawn,andwereapparentlygettingonverywellindeed.ThegreetingbetweenMr.SimpkinsandtheMajorwasconstrainedandcold.MissKingseemedtofeelthatthesituationdemandedtact.Shesuggestedorderingteaatonce,andhavingitoutofdoors.
"Notforus,thanks,"saidMeldon."TheMajorandImustbeoffat
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once.Wehaven'tamomenttodelay."
MajorKentlookedsurprised,andseemedinclinedtoaskquestions.HeresentedthearrivalofSimpkins,buthedidnotwanttoleaveMissKingsosoon.
"Isaidthismorning,"saidMeldon,"thatwe'dstopfortea;butsincethenIfindthatI'mtied--infact,we'rebothtied--toamostimportantengagement,andmustabsolutelyrunifwearetobeintime.Comealong,Major."Heseizedhimbythearmashespoke."Good-bye,MissKing.Good-bye,Simpkins.We'llseeyoubothatPortsmouthLodgeattento-morrowmorning."
"Isuppose,J.J.,"saidtheMajor,whenMeldon,reachingthehighroad,slackenedhispace--"IsupposethatI'mbeinghustledaboutlikethissothatSimpkinscanhaveMissKingalltohimself,but--"
"Exactly,"saidMeldon."Imaytellyou,Major,thatInowlookuponSimpkinsaspracticallyadeadman.Idon'tseehowhecanpossiblyescape."
"WhatIwasgoingtosay,"saidtheMajor,"isthatIthinkyouaremistakenaboutMissKing.Shedoesn'tseemtometheleastlikeacriminal."
"Ofcoursenot.Shewouldn'tbethesuccessfulmurderesssheisifshehadn'tthemannersandappearanceofaverygentleandgraciouslady.That'swhatgivesherthepullshehaswhenitcomestotheverdictofajury.Yououghttoknow,Major,thattheoldBillSykessortofcriminal,thebrutalised-lookingmanwithahugejawandalowforehead,isquiteoutofdatenow.Noonegetshimselfupinthatstylewhomeanstogoinforseriouscrime.Inabookpublishedtheotherdaytherewasacompositephotographmadeupofthefacesoffiftyorsixtycriminalsofthemostextremekind.Iassureyouthatthenetresultwasanuncommonlygood-lookingman.ThatshowsyouthetruthofwhatI'msaying."
"Inanycase,J.J.,settingasideherpersonalappearanceandmanner--"
"Yourimpressionofherpersonalappearance.Iwasn'ttakeninbyit."
"Sheisn'tthesortofwomanyousaidshewas.She'dneverheardofthatphilosopherofyours."
"DoyoumeantosaythatshedeniedeverhavingheardthenameofNietzsche?"
"Notexactly.ThefactisthatIcouldn'trecollecthisname,butIgaveherasketchofhisdoctrines--"
"Idon'texpectsherecognisedyoursketch.Youwereprobablygrosslyinaccurate."
"Igaveheralmostwordforwordwhatyousaidlastnightaboutmurderbeingaveryvirtuousthingandbullyingbeingthehighestformofmorality."
"EvensoIdon'texpectsherecognisedit.YouseeIhadtoparaphrasethewholethingtobringitdowntothelevelofyourunderstanding.Ifyou'dbeeninapositiontoquoteaphraseortwo,likeHerren
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Morale,forinstance,she'dhaverecognisedthesystematonce,evenwithoutthenameofNietzsche."
"Icouldn'tdothat,ofcourse."
"NowIcometothinkofit,Idon'tsupposeshe'dhaveowneduptoNietzscheinanycase.She'dhavebeenboundtodenyanyknowledgeofthesystem.Youseeshedoesn'tknowthatI'vetoldyouwhoshereallyis.Sheprobablydistrustsyouasamagistrate.AfterthebrutalwayinwhichSirGilbertHawkesbysummedupagainsther,shewouldnaturallybeabitshyofanyoneoccupyinganysortofjudicialposition.OfcourseifsheknewthatyouwerekeenlyinterestedinthedeathofSimpkinsitwouldhavebeendifferent.She'dhavespokenquiteopenlytoyouthen."
"Idon'tbelieveshe'llkillSimpkins."
"Shewillifshemarrieshim.NotthatSimpkinsisaparticularlyobjectionablemaninmyopinion.Iratherlikehimmyself.ButMissKinglivesforherart,andonceSimpkinsproposestoherhisfateissealed."
"Shedidmentionherartonceortwice,"saidtheMajor."Nowthatyouremindmeofit,Idistinctlyrecollecthersayingthatitwasthe
greatthinginherlife."
"Thereyouarethen.Perhapsnowyou'llbelievemeforthefuture,andnotbestartingmiserable,scepticalobjectionstoeverywordIsay.Whatdidyousaywhenshetalkedtoyouaboutherart?Didyoucross-questionheraboutwhatitwas?"
"No,Ididn't.Iwasn'tthinkingofyourabsurdtheorieswhenIwastalkingtoher.Ithoughtshemeantpainting,orsomethingofthatsort.Ifeltsorryforher,J.J.Sheseemstometohaveaverylonelykindoflife."
"Ofcourseshedoes--intheintervals."
"What?"
"Thereareintervals,ofcourse.MissKingisn'tthesortofwomantoformanintimacywithanothermanuntilsheisreallyawidow.It'squitenaturalthatsheshouldfeellonelyjustnow,forinstance.Themereabsenceoftheexcitementshe'sbeenaccustomedtoforsolongwouldhaveadepressingeffectonher."
CHAPTERXI.
Meldonwasamanwholikedtogetthefullpossiblemeasureofenjoymentoutofhisholidays.Hecountedthehoursofdaylightwhichhespentinbedaswasted,andalthoughalwayslateforbreakfast,wasgenerallyupandactivebeforeanyothermemberoftheMajor'shousehold.OnMondaymorninghegotoutofbedathalf-pastfiveandwentdowntotheseatobathe.Heworenothingexcepthispyjamasandanoldpairofcanvasshoes,andsowasobligedtogobacktohisbedroomagainafterhisswim.AshepassedMajorKent'sdoorhehammeredvigorouslyonitwithhisfist.Whenhethoughthehadmade
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noiseenoughtoawakenhisfriend,heturnedthehandleofthedoor,puthisheadintotheroom,andshouted,--
"Splendidday.Absolutelythebestpossible;first-ratesailingbreeze,andnoprospectofrain."
MajorKentgrowledinreply.
"What'sthatyousay?"
"Confoundyou,J.J.Getoutofthat.What'sthegoodofwakingmeatthishour?"
Meldonopenedthedooralittlewiderandsteppedintotheroom.
"Ithoughtyou'dliketoknowabouttheweather,"hesaid."It'sextremelyimportantforustosecureareallyfirst-rateday.Ifitturnedoutthatwecoulddonothingbutlollopabouthalfamilefromtheshoreinadeadcalm,poorSimpkinswouldn'thaveachance;orif--"
"Goaway,J.J."
"Andifitweretocomeonadownpourofrain,hisspiritswouldbesodampedthathe'dnevergethimselfworkeduptothepitchof--"
"IsupposeImayaswellgetup,"saidtheMajordespairingly.
"Nottheleastnecessityforthat,"saidMeldon."Youcansleepforanotherhourandahalfatleast.Itcan'tbemorethanhalf-pastsix,andallowingtimeforthemostelaboratetoiletyoucanpossiblywanttomake,youneedn'tgetuptilleight.Ishouldsaymyselfthatyou'dsleepmuchmorecomfortablynowyouknowthatthedayisgoingtobefine.Nothinginterfereswithslumbermoreradicallythananyanxietyofmind."
TheweatherwasallthatMeldonsaiditwas;buthissatisfactionwithitturnedouttobeill-founded.Itwasbasedonamiscalculation.
Whatseemedtohimadesirablesailingbreezewasacauseofgravediscomforttohalftheparty.
Simpkinsbegantogivewayinlessthananhour.Heyawned,pulledhimselftogether,andthenyawnedagain.Afterthatheceasedtotakeanyactivepartintheconversation.ThenMissKingbegantolosecolour.Meldon,whowassittingforwardwithhislegsdanglingoverthecombingofthecockpit,winkedatMajorKent.TheMajor,uncomfortablyawareofthefeelingsofhisguests,scowledatMeldon.Thenearestislandonwhichitwaspossibletolandwasstillsomewayoff.Heforesawaperiodofextremeunpleasantness.Meldonwinkedagain,andmouthedtheword"IlaunMore"silently.Itwasthenameofthenearestisland,andhemeanttosuggesttotheMajorthatitwould
beverydesirabletogonofurther.Hemight,withoutgivingoffence,havesaidallhewantedtosayoutloud.Simpkinshadreachedastageofhismaladyinwhichitwasimpossibleforhimtolistenintelligentlytoanything,andMissKingwouldhaverejoicedtohearofaprospectoffirmland.
TheSpindrift,whichhadbeenthrashingherwayintotheteethofthewind,wasallowedtogofree,andreachedswiftlytowardsIlaunMore.ThechangeofmotioncompletelyfinishedSimpkins,buttheperiodofhisextrememiserywasshort.Theyachtroundedupintothewindina
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shelteredbay,andMeldonletgotheanchor.Theboom,swingingrapidlyfromsidetoside,sweptSimpkins'hat(astiff-brimmedstrawhat)intothesea.Hemadenoefforttosaveit;buttheMajor,grabbingtheboat-hook,gotholdofitjustbeforeitfloatedbeyondreach,anddrewit,waterloggedandlimp,intotheboat.Simpkinsexpressednogratitude.Meldonhauledthepuntalongside,andaskedMissKingifshewouldliketogoashore.Sheassentedwithafeeblesmile.TherewasnouseconsultingSimpkins.Hiswishesweretakenforgranted,andhewasdeposited,withgreatdifficulty,inthebowofthepunt.Meldonrowedthemashore.HegavehisarmtoMissKingandledheruptoadryrock,onwhichshesatdown.Hewentbacktothepuntagain,straightenedoutSimpkins,hauledhimup,andsethimdownbesideMissKing.ThenherowedbacktotheSpindriftinthepunt.
"This,"saidtheMajorangrily,"isanicekindofparty.Youmighthavehadmoresense,J.J.,thantoinvitepeopleofthatsortoutintheSpindrift."
"You'reveryunreasonable,"saidMeldon."Ithoughtyou'dhavefoundthekeenestdelightinwatchingthesufferingsofSimpkins.IfIhadanenemyintheworld--I'mthankfultosayIhaven't--butifIhad,there'snothingwouldgivemegreaterpleasurethantoseehimenduringtheagonythatSimpkinshasjustbeenthrough.Butthat'stheworstofyou.Iarrangetheselittlesurprisesforyou,hopingtoseeyourface
lightupwithasmileofgratification,andallIgetinreturnisgrowlsandgrumbles."
MajorKentgrinned.
"That'sbetter,"saidMeldon."I'mgladtoseethatyou'recapableofgettingsomegoodoutofaninnocentpleasure,evenifyouhavetowaittillsomebodypointsouttoyouwhatitisyououghttoenjoy."
"Anyway,J.J.,thiswillputastopperonyourplan.There'llbenolove-makingto-day."
"Onthecontrary,"saidMeldon,"Iexpectwe'velaidthefoundationof
adeepandenduringaffection.There'snothingdrawspeopletogethermorethanacommonmisfortune."
"Butyoucan'texpectawomantotaketoamanwhensheseeshiminthestateSimpkinswasinwhenwewereonthereachtowardstheisland."
"Notifshe'sallrightherself,"saidMeldon;"butwhenshe'sinthestateMissKingwasinshe'spastnoticinganybody'scomplexion.TheonlyemotionMissKingcouldpossiblyhavefelt,theonlyemotionofaspiritualkind,wasabitterhatredofyouandme;andthat,ofcourse,wouldmakeherfeelastrongaffectionforSimpkins.Onthewhole,Major,wemaycongratulateourselvesonoursuccesssofar.Justputtheluncheonbasketintothepunt,willyou?They'llbeashungryas
wolvesinanotherhalf-hour.Simpkinsisbeginningtobuckupalready.Lookathim."
Simpkinswasstaggeringtowardshishat,whichMeldonhadleftlyingattheplacewherethepuntlanded.
"Iexpect,"saidtheMajor,"thathefeelsasifthesunonthebackofhisheadwouldupsethimagain.Itmustbeprettyhotintherewherethey'reshelteredfromthewind."
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"We'llgivehimadropofwhisky,"saidMeldon,"andsethimonhisfeetproperly.Getin,Major."
"I'mnotatallsurethatI'mgoingashore.IthinkI'dbemorecomfortablewhereIam.Simpkinsisbadenoughwhenhe'shealthy,butintheconditionhe'sinnowIsimplycouldn'tstandhimatall.Besides,Idon'tthinkMissKingwouldlikeustoland.Itdoesn'tseemtomequitefairtogospyingonawomanwhenshe'ssick.She'dratherbeleftaloneforawhile,tillsherecoversherordinarycolour.Ifeltverysorryforherontheboat,andifIcouldhavedoneanything--"
"Thatsortofsympathyanddelicacyoffeelingisallveryfine,Major;butItellyouplainlythatifitleadstoyourrefusingtogivethepoorgirlanylunchshewon'tappreciateit."
"Couldn'tyoulandtheluncheonbasketandthencomebackhere?"
"Certainlynot.ThenIshouldgetnoluncheon.Idon'tshrinkfromsacrificeinagoodcause,Major,wheneversacrificeisnecessary;butIseenopointinstarvingmyselfmerelytosatisfyyourridiculousideasofchivalry."
"Well,then,yougoandgivethemtheirlunch,andleavemehere."
"That'stheworstplanyou'vesuggestedyet,"saidMeldon."IfIgowithoutyouIshallbeadamperonthewholeproceedings.Athirdpersonontheseoccasionsalwaysfindsthegreatestdifficultyinnotbeingintheway,whereasifyoucomewecanstrollofftogetherafterlunchunderpretextofsearchingforlobstersorsomethingofthatkind,andleavethehappycoupletogether."
"Happycouple!"saidtheMajor."Theylookit."
"Getintothepuntatonce,"saidMeldon,"anddon'ttrytobesarcastic.Nothingislessbecomingtoyou.Yourproperpartinlifeisthatofthesober,well-intentioned,somewhatthick-headed,bachelor
uncle.Youdothatexcellently;butthemomentyoutrytobecleveryougiveyourselfawaypiteously."
"Yourownpart,Isuppose,J.J.,isthatofirresponsiblebuffoon."
"No;it'snot.WhatIdobestisjustwhatI'mdoing--arrangingthingsforotherpeople,sothatdifficultiesandunpleasantnessdisappear,andlifelooksbrightagain."
MajorKenthadprovidedanexcellentluncheonfortheparty,andMissKinghadrevivedrapidlysinceshelanded.Sheallowedherselftobepersuadedtodrinksomeweakwhiskyandwater.Afterwardssheatecoldchickenwithagoodappetite.PoorSimpkinswaslessfortunate.He
insistedonwearinghisdamphat,andcouldnotbepersuadedtoeatanythingexceptbiscuits.Meldon,whowasmostanxioustorestorehimtoaconditionofvigour,pressedatomatoonhim;buttheresultwasunfortunate.Aftereatinghalfofit,Simpkinsturnedhisbackevenonthebiscuittin.Herefusedtosmokeafterlunch,althoughtheMajorandMeldonlittheirpipesinanencouragingwayquiteclosetohim,andMissKingappearedtofindpleasureinacigarette.Thesituationwasnotpromising;butMeldonwasamanofunquenchablehope.SeizingamomentwhenMissKingwaslookinginanotherdirection,hewinkedviolentlyatMajorKent.TheMajorwasextremelycomfortablyseated
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withhisbackagainstarock,andwasenjoyinghimself.TheSpindriftlaysecureatheranchor.Thesunshonepleasantly.Anafterluncheonpipeisaparticularlyenjoyableone,andMissKingwastalkinginaverycharmingway,besideslookingpretty.TheMajorwasdisinclinedtomove,andalthoughheguessedatthemeaningofMeldon'swink,hedeliberatelyignoredit.Meldonwinkedagain.Thenherosetohisfeet,shookhimself,andlookedroundhim.
"Ithink,Major,"hesaid,"thatifwemeantocatchanylobstersto-day,weoughttobestarting."
TheMajorgrunted.
"Lobsters!Canwecatchlobstershere?"saidMissKing."Ishouldliketohelp.Ihavenevercaughtalobster."
"It'snotexactlyasportforladies,"saidMeldon."Thelobsterisanuglyfishtotackleunlessyouareaccustomedtohim.Besides,weshallhavetotakeoffourshoesandstockings."
"ButIonlymeantolookon.Ishouldn'trunanyrisks."
Shehadinhermindatthemomentasceneinhernewnovelintowhichlobsterfishing,aspractisedinthewestofIreland,mightbe
introducedwithgreateffect.Theideathattherewassomeriskaboutthesportaddedtoitsvalueforherpurpose.Sheforesawthepossibilityofvividlypicturesquedescriptionsofbare-limbed,sun-tannedmuscularfolkplungingamongweedyrocks,orspatteredwithyellowspume,staggeringshorewardsunderaloadofcapturedlobsters.ButMeldonwasmostunsympathetic.
"Besides,"hesaid,"thechiefhauntofthelobstersisattheothersideoftheisland,quitealongwayoff."
"Ishouldlikethewalk,"saidMissKing,"andI'msurethere'sacharmingview."
"It'sveryrough,"saidMeldon,"andyou'dgetyourfeetwet."
HenudgedtheMajorashespoke.Itdidnotseemfairthatthemakingofalltheexcusesshouldbelefttohim.
"Ireallybelieve,"saidMissKing,"thatyoudon'twantmetogowithyou,Mr.Meldon.It'smostunkindofyou.I'mbeginningtothinkthatyoudon'tlikeme.Yousaidsomethingquiterudetometheotherday,andIdon'tbelievehalfyou'resayingtomenow.--It'snotdangeroustocatchlobsters,isit,MajorKent?"
TheMajorfeltMeldon'seyeonhim.HewasalsoawarethatMissKingwaslookingathimappealingly.
"No,"hesaid;"atleast,notvery;notifyou'recarefulaboutthewayyoutakeholdofthem."
"AndIshouldn'tgetmyfeetwet,shouldI?notverywet?"
"No,"saidtheMajor,"oryoumight,ofcourse.There'sasortofpoolattheothersideoftheisland,andifyouwalkedthroughit--;butthenyoucouldgoroundit."
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"Therenow,"saidMissKing."Iknewyouwereonlymakingexcuses,Mr.Meldon."
"Iwas,"saidMeldon."ImayaswellownuptoitthatIwas.Myrealreasonfornotwishingyoutocomewithus--"
HeedgedovertowhereSimpkinswassitting,andkickedhimsharplyintheribs.Itwas,afterall,Simpkins'businesstomakesomeefforttoretainMissKing.
"Myrealreason,"hesaid,"thoughIdidn'tliketomentionitbefore,isthatthere'sadeadsheepontheothersideoftheisland,justabovethelobsterbed.It'sagooddealdecayed,andthesea-gullshavebeenpickingatit."
MissKingshuddered.
"Isthereadeadsheep,MajorKent?"sheasked.
"Idon'tknow,"saidtheMajor."Ihaven'tbeenonthisislandforyears;andIdon'tbelieveyouhaveeither,J.J."
"Dr.O'Donoghuetoldmeaboutityesterday,"saidMeldon."Hesaiditwasamostdisgustingsight.Idon'tthinkyou'dlikeit,MissKing.
Idon'tliketellingyouaboutit.I'msureaglanceatitwouldupsetyouagain--afterthismorning,youknow."
MissKingwasevidentlyannoyedbythisallusiontoherseasickness,butshewasnotinclinedtogiveupherwalk.
"Couldn'twegosomewhereelseforlobsters,"shesaid;"somewhereagoodwayofffromthedeadsheep?"
"No,"saidMeldondecisively."Weshouldn'tcatchanyifwedid.Allthelobsters,asyoucaneasilyunderstand,willhavecollectednearthedeadsheep.It'sagreatfindforthem,youknow,aswellasforthesea-gulls."
"Inanycase,"saidMissKing,whofeltthatshecouldnotwithdecencypresshercompanyonMeldonanymore,"I'dratherstaywhereIam.Idon'tthinkIcareforcrossingtheislandafterall."
MeldonkickedSimpkinsagain.ThenhetookMajorKentbythearm,draggedhimtohisfeet,andsetoffatarapidpaceacrosstheisland.
"J.J.,"saidtheMajor,"theseplansofyoursareallverywell,andofcourseI'mnotgoingtointerferewiththem,butIdon'tseeanynecessityforbeingactuallyrudetoMissKing.Shestrikesmeasbeingaverynicegirl."
"IamdisappointedinMissKing,"saidMeldon."Ithoughtbetterofherbefore.She'snotwhatIcallwomanly,andIhatetheseunsexedfemales."
"Whatdoyoumean?Isupposeyouthinkshehadnorighttotryandforceherselfonus,butIthought--"
"I'mnotcomplainingofthatintheleast,"saidMeldon."Thatwasquitenatural,andnotatallwhatIcallunwomanly.Infact,mostwomenwouldhaveactedjustasshedidinthatrespect.WhatIwas
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thinkingofwasthosefamouslinesofSirWalterScott's.YourecollecttheonesImean,Isuppose?"
"No;Idon't."
"'Ohwoman,'"saidMeldon,"'inourhoursofease'--that'snow,Major,sofaraswe'reconcerned--'uncertain,coy,andhardtoplease.'That'swhatMissKingoughttohavebeen,butwasn't.Nobodycansayshewascoyaboutthelobsters.'Whenpainandanguishwringthebrow.'That'sthepositioninwhichSimpkinsfindshimself.'Aministeringangelthou.'That'swhatMissKingshouldbeifshe'swhatIcallatruewoman,awomanlywoman.Butsheevidentlyisn't.Shehasn'tthematernalinstinctatallstronglydeveloped.Ifshehad,herheartwouldbleedforahelpless,unprotectedcreaturelikeSimpkins,whosebrowisbeingwrungwiththemostpitiableanguish."
"Doyoumeantosay,"saidtheMajor,"thatyouthinksheoughttotakeapleasureinholdingthatbeastSimpkins'head?"
"That,thoughyouputitcoarsely,isexactlywhatIdomean.Anytruewomanwould.SirWalterScottdistinctlysaysso."
"Consideringwhatyoubelieveabouther--ImeanallthataboutherandMrs.Lorimerbeingthesameperson,andherwantingtokillSimpkins--I
don'tseehowyoucanexpecthertobewhatyoucallwomanly."
"Thereyou'rewrong,Major;quitewrong,asusual.There'snoreasonintheworldwhyawomanshouldn'tbewomanlyjustbecauseshehappenstoholdratheradvancedopinionsonsomeethicalsubjects.Asamatteroffact,itcameoutinthetrialthatMrs.Lorimerwasdevotedlyattentivetoherhusband,herlasthusband,duringhisillness.Shewatchedhimdayandnight,andwouldn'tallowanyoneelsetobringhimhismedicine.Inaturallythoughtshe'ddisplaythesamespiritwithregardtoSimpkins.Ihopeshewillafterthey'remarried;butI'mdisappointedinherjustatpresent."
"Whatareyougoingtodoaboutthelobsters,J.J.?"saidtheMajor,
droppingthesubjectofMissKing'scharacter."Youknowverywellthattherearenoneontheisland,andafterallyousaidabouttheirswarmingaboutinalobsterbed,MissKingwillnaturallyexpectustobringherbackafew."
"No,shewon't.Notwhensheknowsthatthey'vebeenfeedingonthedisgustingandhalf-decayeddeadsheep.She'dhatetoseeone."
"Whatmadeyouthinkofsayingtherewasadeadsheep,J.J.?"
"Ihadtothinkofsomething,"saidMeldon,"orelseshe'dhavecomewithus.YoucontradictedeverywordIsaid,andgavetheshowaway,althoughyouknewverywelltheextremeimportanceofgivingSimpkins
hischance."
"Idon'tthinkhelookedmuchliketakingitwhenweleft."
"No,hedidn't.Amorehelpless,incompetentidiotthanSimpkinsInevercameacross.Hewon'tdoasinglethingtohelphimself.Isupposeheexpectsmeto--I'lltellyouwhatitis,Major;IhadsomeregardforSimpkinsbeforeto-day,butI'mbeginningtoagreewithyouandDoyleabouthimnow."
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"Thenperhapsyou'llstoptryingtogethimtomarryMissKing."
"No,Iwon't.Mycomingroundtoyourwayofthinkingisallthemorereasonformarryinghim.AslongasIhadanyregardforhimIfeltitwasratherapitytohavehimkilled,andIwasonlydoingittopleaseyou.NowthatIseehereallydoesn'tdeservetoliveIcangoonwithaperfectlyclearconscience."
"Anyway,"saidtheMajor,"Idon'tbelievethathe'lldomuchlove-makingto-day."
"Don'tbetoosureofthat.IfMissKingisbehavingnowassheoughttobe;ifshehastakenthatwethatoffhisheadandstoppeditwringinghisbrow;if,asIconfidentlyexpect,sheisshowingherselfaministeringangel,weshallmostlikelyfindthemsittinginamostaffectionateattitudewhenwegetback."
MissKingdidnotdoherduty.WhenMeldonandMajorKentreturned,lobsterless,afterhalfanhour'sabsence,theyfoundMr.Simpkinssittingonastonebyhimselfwiththewethatstillonhishead.MissKingwasalongwayoff,stumblingaboutamongthestonesatthewater'sedge.Shemay,perhaps,havebeentryingtocatchlobsters.
ThevoyagehomewasmostunpleasantforeveryoneexceptMeldon.The
windhadrisenslightlysincemorning,andthemotionoftheyachtinrunningbeforeitwasverytrying.Mr.SimpkinscollapsedatonceandwasdraggedbyMeldonintothecabin,wherehelayinspeechlessmisery.MissKingheldoutbravelyforsometime,andthengavewaysuddenly.MajorKent,watchingher,wasveryunhappy,anddidnotdaretosmokelestheshouldmakeherworse.Heattemptedatonetimetowrapherinanoilskincoat,thinkingthatadditionalwarmthmightbegoodforher;butthesmellofthegarmentbroughtonaviolentspasm,andhewasobligedtotakeitawayfromhershoulders.
Intheevening,afterMissKingandMr.Simpkinshadbeensenthomeonacar,Meldonreviewedtheday'sproceedings.
"Asapleasureparty,"hesaid,"itwasn'texactlyasuccess;butthenwedidn'tgooutforpleasure.ConsideredasastepinadvancetowardsthemarriageofMissKingandthedeathofSimpkins,ithasn'tturnedoutallwehoped.StillIthinksomethingisaccomplished.MissKingmust,Ithink,havefeltsomepityforSimpkinswhenshesawmedragginghimintothecabinbyhisleg,andweallknowthatpityisakinto--"
"Ifshethinksofhiminthatsortofway,"saidtheMajor,"shewon'tkillhim."
"I'vetoldyoubefore,"saidMeldon--"infact,I'mtiredtellingyou--thatshehasn'tgottokillhimuntilaftershe'smarriedhim.
Youdon'tsurelywanthertobeguiltyofoneofthosecold-blooded,lovelessmarriageswhicharethecurseofmodernsocietyandendinthedivorcecourt.Sheoughttohavesomefeelingofaffectionforhimbeforeshemarrieshim,andIthinkitisprobablyarousedinhernow.NowomancouldpossiblyseeamantreatedasItreatedSimpkinsthisafternoonwithoutfeelingalittlesorryforhim.IbumpedhisheadinthemostfrightfulmannerwhenIwasdragginghimdown.No;Ithinkit'sallrightnowasfarasMissKingisconcerned.I'llgoinandseeSimpkinsto-morrowandspurhimonabit.I'lltellhim--"
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"Somelieorother--"saidtheMajor.
"Onlyforhisowngood,"saidMeldon."IsawquiteplainlyonSundaythathewantedtomarryMissKing,andwhateverIsayto-morrowwillbecalculatedtohelpandencouragehim.Youcan'tcallthatkindofthingtellinglies.It'sexactlythesameinprincipleaswhyagooddoctortriestocheerupapatientbysayingthathe'llbeperfectlywellintheinsideofaweekafteratriflingoperation.Everybodyadmitsthatthat'sperfectlyright,andnobodybutafoolwouldcallitalie."
CHAPTERXII.
Meldonwasevenmoreenergeticthanusualonthemorningaftertheboatingpicnic.Bygettingupveryearlyindeedhewasabletoshootfourrabbits,membersofalargefamilywhichlivedbydestroyingMajorKent'slettuces.Healsobaggedtwowood-pigeonswhichhadflownallthewayfromtheBallymoyHousetreesforthepurposeofgorgingthemselvesonhalf-ripegooseberriesintheMajor'sgarden.Hethenrowedoutintheboataboutamilefromtheshore,andhadthesatisfactionofbathinginabsolutesolitudeanddivingasfarashe
couldintodeepwater.Hehad,aswasnatural,afineappetiteforbreakfast,andateinawaywhichgratifiedMajorKentandafterwardsstartledhishousekeeper.Butnaturetakesherrevengesevenonthosewhoseembestabletodefyher.AfterbreakfastMeldonsettledhimselfinacomfortablechaironthelawn,andwasdisinclinedtomovefromit.TheMajorwentintohisstudytomakeupsomeaccounts,andthedaybeingfineandwarm,satbesideanopenwindow.Meldon'schairwasonlyashortdistancefromthewindow,sothathewasinapositiontocarryonaconversationwithoutraisinghisvoice.Forsometimehedidnotspeak,forhismorningpipewasparticularlyenjoyable.Thenhefeltitnecessarytomakesomeexcuseforhisidleness.
"There'snouse,"hesaid,"mystartingbeforeeleven.Simpkinswon't
beoutofbeduntillateto-day.He'llbethoroughlyexhaustedafterallhewentthroughontheSpindrift."
"Startanytimeyoulike,"saidtheMajor.
Meldon'sremarkinterruptedhiminthemiddleofaddingupalongcolumnofpence.Hefailedtorecollectwherehehadgottoandwasobligedtobeginoveragain.
"Icanhavethetrap,Isuppose,"saidMeldon,acoupleofminuteslater.
MajorKenthadgottotheshillingscolumn.
"Yes.Butdostoptalking."
"Why?"saidMeldon."Withoutconversationwemightaswellbelivingintotalsolitude;andBaconsays,inoneofhisessays,thatsolitudeisonlyfitforagodorabeast.Youmaylikebeingabeast,Major,butIdon't.You'llhardlysetup,Isuppose,tobeagod."
"Hangitall,J.J.!I'veforgottenhowmanyshillingsIhadtocarry,andnowIshallhavetobeginthewholetotoveragain."
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"Handitouttome,"saidMeldon,"andI'llsettlethewholethingforyouintwominutes."
"Certainlynot,"saidtheMajor."Iknowyourwayofdealingwithaccountbooks.Imaybeslow,butIdoliketobetidy."
"Verywell,"saidMeldon,"ifyouchoosetobeunsociable,merelyinordertogiveyourselfalotofquiteunnecessarytrouble,ofcourseyoucan.Iwon'tspeakagain."
Tenminuteslaterhedidspeakagain,tothegreatannoyanceofMajorKent,whowasestimatingthetotalcostofthehayeatenbyhispoloponiesduringtheyear--amostintricatebusiness,forhayvariedagooddealinprice.
"Doyle'scomingalongtheroadinhistrap,"saidMeldon,"andhelookstomeverymuchasifhewascominghere.Hemustwanttoseeyouaboutsomething.Hecan'tpossiblyhaveanybusinesswithme."
"HangDoyle!"
"Ifyoulike,"saidMeldon,"I'lldealwithhimandkeephimoffyou.IshouldratherenjoyachatwithDoyle."
"Thanks.Iwishyouwould.Itcan'tbeanythingimportant."
"IexpecthehascomeforyoursubscriptionfortheilluminatedaddressheandDr.O'Donoghuearegettingupforthepolicesergeant.Ipromisedtheotherdaythatyou'dgivesomething.Ifyousignachequeandstickitoutonthewindow-sill,I'llfilluptheamountandhanditontoDoyle.Ishouldsaythatonepoundwouldbeahandsomecontribution,andImaygetyouoffwithtenshillings.It'llalldependonhowthemoneyiscomingin.He'sturninginatthegatenow,soyou'dbetterhurryup.--Ah!Goodmorning,Doyle.Lovelyday,isn'tit?SeenanythingofourfriendSimpkinsthismorning?"
"Ihavenot,"saidDoyle,"andIdon'twantto.Iwouldn'tcareifIneverseteyesonthatfellowagain."
"You'dhavelikedtohaveseenhimyesterday,"saidMeldon.
"Iwouldnot."
"Youwould.TheMajorhadhimoutforadayintheSpindrift,and--"Meldonwinked.
Doylegotdownfromhistrapandstoodatthehorse'shead.
"Asickerman,"saidMeldon,"youneversaw."
"Sick!"
"Asadog.Beastlysick.Idon'tcaretoenterintodetails;but,consideringthesmallamountheateduringtheday,thewayhekeptatitwouldhavesurprisedyou."
"Sick!What'sthegoodofbeingsick?Whydidn'tyoudrownhim?"
"WehadMissKingouttoo,"saidMeldon,"andwedidn'twanttodrown
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her.Besides,itwasn'tthekindofdayinwhichyoucouldverywelldrownanyone."
"Whatbroughtmeoverherethismorning,"saidDoyle,"was--"
"Iknow,"saidMeldon."YouwanttogatherintheMajor'ssubscriptiontotheilluminatedaddresswiththeappletreesinthecorners.Youshallhaveit.He'ssigningthechequethisminute."
"I'lltakeit,ofcourse,"saidDoyle,"ifit'squiteconvenienttotheMajor;butitwasn'titIcamefor."
"Whatwasit,then?IfyouhaveanyideaofdraggingtheMajorintothatsalmonambuscadeofO'Donoghue's,ItellyouplainlyIwon'thaveit."
"It'snothingofthekind,"saidDoyle."AfterwhatyousaidonFridaywegavethatnotionup.Whatbroughtmehereto-daywastoseeiftheMajorwouldlendmeasetofcarcushions.TheratsgotinontheonesIhaveofmyown,andthey'veholesateinthemsoasyou'dbeashamedtoputthemonacar."
"Youshallhavethemwiththegreatestpossiblepleasure,"saidMeldon.
"Notthenewones,"saidtheMajorthroughthewindow.
"Ithought,"saidMeldon;"thatyoudidn'twanttobedisturbed,andthatIwascarryingonthisnegotiationwithMr.Doyle.Youmustdoonethingortheother,Major.Eithercomeoutandmanageyourownaffairs,orelseleavethementirelyinmyhands.--Youcan't,"hesaid,turningtoDoyle,"havethenewcushionsunlessforsomeveryspecialpurpose.IsMissKingthinkingofgoingforadriveonyourcar?Ifsheis,theMajorwilllendthenewcushions."
"Sheisnot,"saidDoyle;"notthatIheardofanyway,thoughshemighttakethenotionlater."
"Thenwhatdoyouwantthecushionsfor?"
"It'sanEnglishgentleman,"saidDoyle;"ahigh-upmanbyallaccounts,thathasthefishingtookfromSimpkins.He'llbestoppinginthehotel,andhe'llwantthecartotakehimuptheriverinthemorning.Thekindofmanheis,Iwouldn'tliketobeputtinghimoffwithmyoldcushions.They'reterriblebad,thewaytheratshasthemateonme."
"Ifhereallyisamanofeminenceinanywalkoflife,"saidMeldon--"abishop,forinstance,oramemberoftheHouseofLords,oracaptainofindustry,youcanhavethecushions.Ifhe'ssimplyasecond-ratemanoftheordinarytouristtype,youcan't."
"He'sajudge,"saidDoyle,"andwhat'smore,anEnglishjudge."
"I'msurprisedtohearyousayingathinglikethat.AsaNationalistyououghttobethelasttoadmitthatanEnglishjudgeisinanywaysuperiortoanIrishone.Hemaybebetterpaid--Idaresayheisbetterpaid,forwenevergetourfairshareofwhat'sgoing--butinthethingsthatreallymatter--inlegalacumen,forinstance,whichisthegreatthingwelookforinjudges--Idon'texpecttheIrishmanisabitbehind.However,EnglishorIrish,themerefactofhisbeinga
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judgedoesn'tprovethathe'samanofwhatIcallrealeminence.Idon'tthinktheMajorwillletyouhavehisbestcarcushionsforsomesleepyoldgentlemanwhositsonabenchandmakessillyjokes.Therearelotsofjudgesknockingaboutthatrat-eatencarcushionswouldbetoogoodfor.What'syourman'sname?"
"Hawkesby,"saidDoyle."SirGilbertHawkesby,noless."
Meldonstartedfromhischair.
"Areyousureofthat?"heasked,"absolutelydeadcertain?Thisisabusinessoverwhichitwon'tdotomakemistakes."
"It'swhatwasinhisletter,anyway,"saidDoyle,"whenhewroteengagingroomsinthehotel."
"Whendoeshearrive?"
"To-morrow,"saidDoyle;"to-morrowafternoon,andItoldSabinatokillachickento-day,forit'slikelyhe'llbewantingabitofdinnerafterthedriveoverfromDonard.Ithoughtifhehadachickenandabitofboiledbacon,withacustardpuddingafterthat--"
"Gointothecoach-houseatonce,"saidMeldon,"andtakeanycushions
youwant.Ican'ttalkanymoretoyouthismorning.I'mgoingtobefrightfullybusy."
Doyle,grinningbroadly,ledhishorseroundtotheyard.HedidnotbelievethatMeldonwaseverbusy.Likemostpeoplehefailedtoappreciatetherealgreatnessoftheclergyman.
Meldonhurriedintothehouseandflungopenthedoorofthestudy.MajorKentlookedupfromhispaperswithawearysmile.
"Couldn'tyouandDoylesettlethatbusinessofthecarcushionsbetweenyou?IshallnevergettheseaccountsdoneifI'minterruptedeveryminute."
"Wecouldhavesettledit,"saidMeldon."Infactwehavesettledit,butaquestionofvastlygreaterimportancehasarisen.Wearethreatenedwithsomethinglikeanactualcatastrophe."
"Ifit'sthekindofcatastrophewhichinvolvesanhourorsoofsolidtalk,J.J.,don'tyouthinkyoucouldmanagetoputitoffforalittle?Ishallbequitereadytogointoitatanylengthyoulikethiseveningafterdinner."
"Major,"saidMeldon,"ifanearthquakecame--thekindofearthquakewhichknocksdownhouses--andifthunderboltswerefallingred-hotoutofthesky,andifalargetidalwavewasrushingupacrossthelawn,
andifamovingbogwasdesolatingyourkitchengardenandengulfingyourpoloponies,wouldyouorwouldyounotsitcalmlythereandgoonwithyouraccounts?"
"IfallthosethingswerehappeningI'dmove,ofcourse."
"There'sno'ofcourse'aboutit.Somemenwouldn't."
"Nonsense,J.J.Thetidalwavealone--"
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"Somemen,"repeatedMeldon,"wouldsitonandfinishtheiraccounts.TherewasasoldieratPompeii,forinstance--theyfoundhisbodycenturiesafterwards--whowouldn'tstirfromhispostevenwhenhesawthemoltenlavaflowingdownthestreet.Ithoughtyoumightbethatsortofman."
"I'mnot."
"I'mgladtohearit.Thatsentryhasbeenmadeaheroof.I'vefrequentlyheardhimmentionedinsermonsasapersontobeimitated.Inrealityhewastheworstkindofass;andIwouldn'tliketothinkofyourgettingembalmedashedid,andbeingdugoutafterwardsbyanantiquarywithachisel.ForthematterofthatIshouldn'tcaretohearofpeoplewritingodesaboutyouonaccountofyourgoingunderwhileyourswordwasinitssheathandyourfingersheldthepen."
"Whatwashedoingwiththepen?"saidtheMajor."Ifhewasonsentryduty--"
"Itwasn'tthatsentrywhosefingersheldthepen,butbraveKempenfelt,anothermanofthesamesort;thoughtherewasmoreexcuseforhim,becauseheseemstohavebeentakenbysurprisewhenthelandbreezeshooktheshrouds."
"Idon'tintheleastknowwhatyou'retalkingabout,"saidtheMajor."Isthereamovingbog,orahightide,oranythingunusual?"
"There'ssomethingagreatdealworse,"saidMeldon."DidyouhearwhatDoylesaidtomeafewminutesago?"
"Iheardhimaskingfortheloanofmycarcushions.Idon'tparticularlywanttolendthem,butIshouldn'tregardhisgettingthemasacatastropheatalltobecomparedtotheearthquakeandalltheotherthingsyouweregassingabout."
"Thecushionsinthemselvesarenothing,andlessthannothing,butdidyouhearwhohewantsthemfor?"
"Somejudgeorother,wasn'tit?Salmonfishing."
"Somejudge!Whatjudge?"
"Didhementionhisname?IfhedidIhaveforgottenit."
"Hedidmentionit,"saidMeldon."ItwasHawkesby--SirGilbertHawkesby.NowdoyouseewhyIsaythatwearethreatenedwithadisasterworsethantheeruptionofMountVesuviusorthefireandbrimstonethatoverwhelmedSodomandGomorrah?"
"No,Idon'tseeanythingofthesort.Whatonearthdoesthejudge
mattertous?"
"Canyoupossiblybeignorantofthefact?No,youcan't,forItoldittoyoumyself.CanyoupossiblyhaveforgottenthatSirGilbertHawkesbywasthejudgewhotriedMrs.Lorimerforthemurderofherhusband?"
"Oh!"saidtheMajor,"Ihadforgotten.Inevertookthesameinterestinthatcasethatyoudid,J.J."
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"Well,hewas.Hewastheveryjudgewhosummedupsostronglyagainstthepoorwoman.IsupposenowitwillhardlybenecessaryformetoexplainhowhisarrivalatDoyle'shotelislikelytoaffectourplans?"
"DoyouwantmetoinvitehimoutintheSpindrift?Ifso,Ihopetogoodnesshewon'tbesick.Ihadenoughofthatyesterday."
"Isometimesthink,Major,thatyoupretendtobestupidsimplytoannoyme.Don'tyouseethatsoonerorlaterhe'sboundtocomeacrossMissKing?He'llseehernextSundayinchurch,ifhedoesn'tmeethersooner.He'llrecogniseheratonce.Thetrialoccupiedtendays,andduringthewholeofthattimeshewasstandingoppositetohimandhewasstudyingherface.Hecan'tfailtoknowheragainwhenheseesher.Now,recollectthathebelievedinherguilt.Ipointedouttoyouatthetimethathesummedupdeadagainsther--"
"Idon'tbelieveshewasguilty,J.J."
"Nor,apparently,didthejury,"saidMeldon."Butthejudgedid.That'sthepointtobearinmind.Underthecircumstances,whatishelikelytodo?HefindsMrs.LorimerheremasqueradingasMissKing,and--"
"Iwishyouwouldn'tsaythingslikethat.SinceIhavemetMissKing
I'mlessinclinedthanevertobelieveinthatidentificationofyours.Shestrikesme--"
"Wearenowconsideringhowshewillstrikethejudge,"saidMeldon,"andhowhe'slikelytoact.Itseemstomethere'sonlyonethinghecando,andthatiswarneverymarriageablemanintheneighbourhoodofMissKing'srealcharacterandpastrecord,andthenwhatwillhappentoyourplan?WillSimpkinsbepreparedtomarryher?Certainlynot."
"Well,I'mextremelygladthejudgeiscomingifheputsastoptothewayyou'regoingon."
"I'mnotquitesureyetthatheiscoming,"saidMeldon.
"IthoughtDoylesaid--"
"Doylesaidhehadengagedroomsatthehotelandtakenthefishing.Itdoesn'tabsolutelyfollowthathe'lloccupytheroomsandcatchthesalmon.SabinaGallagheris,IunderstandfromDoyle,tokillachicken,butit'snotquitecertainyetthatthejudgewilleatthechicken."
"It'lldependagooddealonthewayit'scooked,Isuppose,"saidtheMajor.
"Itwillalsodependuponthejudge'sreachingBallymoy.Asamatter
offact,Ihaveaplaninmymindwhichmay--whichprobablywill--preventhisgettingfurtherthanDonard.IintendtoaskDr.O'Donoghuetoco-operatewithme.Ican'tbequitecertainyetthatwe'llbesuccessfulinheadingoffthejudgeandsendinghimsomewhereelseforhissalmonfishing.Butmyplanisanextremelygoodone.Itoughttocomeoffallright.Ifitfails,Ishalltryanother.Ishalltrytwoorthreemoreifnecessary."
"Iwishyouwouldn't.Theseplansofyoursalwaysendininvolvingusallinsuchfrightfulcomplications."
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"Doyoumeantosay,Major,thatyouwishtogiveuptheideaofSimpkins'marriageandsubsequentdeath?"
"I'vealwayswishedtogiveitup,"saidtheMajor."SincethedayyoufirstsuggestedIneverlikedit,andIlikeitmuchlessnowthatIhavegottoknowMissKing.ItseemstomeawickedthingeventothinkofagirllikethatbeingmarriedtosuchanuttercadasSimpkins."
"Idon'tknowhowyoucansitthereandconfesswithoutablushthatyoudon'tknowyourownmindfortwodaystogether.I'dbeashamedtogobackonathingthewayyoudo.AndI'mnotgoingbackonthis.Foronething,IhaveadutytoperformtoyouandDoyle,andO'DonoghueandSabinaGallagher,andtherectorandthepolicesergeant.Inthenextplace,afterallthetroubleI'vetakentocarrythisschemethrough,I'mnotgoingtogiveinjustatthemomentofsuccess.IshallgointhismorningandseeO'Donoghue.To-morrowheandIwilldriveovertoDonard--"
"Ican'tgiveyouahorseto-morrow,"saidtheMajor.
"Youcanifyoulike."
"Iwon't,then."
"Whynot?"
"Because,ifyougoplayingofffools'tricksonajudge,you'llendingettingyourselfputinprison.Thereissuchathingascontemptofcourt,andjudgesarejustaboutthemosttouchymenthereareabouttheirdignity.Theydon'thesitateforaninstantto--"
"Ajudgeisn'tacourt,"saidMeldon,"whenhehasn'tgothiswigon,andbesidesanEnglishjudgehasnojurisdictioninthiscountry.However,I'mnotgoingdownonmykneestoyoufortheloanofahorseandtrap.Ifyoudon'tchoosetoobligemeinthematterofyourown
freewillIwon'tplacemyselfunderanyobligationtoyou.IshallsimplyborrowabicycleandridetoDonard.O'Donoghuewillhavetoridetoo,thoughIdon'texpecthe'lllikeit.It'stwentymiles,andO'Donoghuedrinksmorethanisgoodforhim."
"AreyougoingtotellO'Donoghuethewholecock-and-bullplanaboutSimpkinsandMissKingandthemurder?"
"No.O'Donoghueisareasonableman.Hedoesn'targueandbrowbeatmethewayyoudo.WhenItellhimthattheremovalofSimpkins,andconsequentlyhisownfuturehappinessandcomfort,dependverylargelyonourbeingabletokeepSirGilbertHawkesbyoutofBallymoy,hewillbelievemeatonceandactinasensibleway."
"Whatdoyoumeantodotothejudgewhenyoucatchhim?"
"Idon'tmeantodoanything.Isupposeyouhavesomewildideainyourhead--"
"Noideascouldbewilderthanyoursare,J.J."
"Somewildideaofmymaimingtheoldgentleman,orbribingamantokidnaphim,orsendinghimabogustelegramtosaythathiswifeis
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dying.Asamatteroffact,I'mgoingtodonothingexcepttellhimthesimpletruth."
"Idon'tbelieveyoucoulddothat,J.J.You'veneverhadanypracticesinceIknewyou."
"Ifyouthinkthatyouwillgetmetorevealthedetailsofmyplanbytauntingmeyou'regreatlymistaken.Icanstandanyamountofinsultswithoutturningahair.Amanwhoisintheright,andconsciousofhisownintegrity--yourecollectwhattheLatinpoetsaysaboutthat--"
"No.Idon't.YouknowIdon'treadLatinpoets,sowhat'sthegoodofquotingbitsofthemtome?"
"Verywell.Iwon't.ButIwon'ttellyoumyplaneither.I'llsaynomorethanthis:whatthejudgewillhearfrommylipsto-morrowwillbethesimpletruth,thetruthasSimpkinsoranyotherunprejudicedobserverwouldtellit.ButthetruthinthisparticularcaseisofsuchalandthatIshouldbegreatlysurprisedifhedoesn'tturnstraightroundandgohomeagain."
"AreyougoingtotellhimthatMrs.Lorimerishere?Notthatthatisthetruth,butI'mreallybeginningtothinkyoubelieveitis."
"No.I'mnotgoingtotellhimthat.WhenIsaidIwasgoingtotellthetruth,Ididn'tmeanthatIwasgoingtositdownoppositethatjudgeandtellhimallthetruthIknowabouteverything.Itwouldtakedaysanddaystodothat,andhewouldn'tsititout.No,I'mgoingtotellhimonesolidlumpoftruthwhichhewilllistento--atruththatO'Donoghuewillbackup;thatyou'dbackupyourselfifyouwerethere;thatevenDoylewouldbeforcedtostandoverifhewasputintoawitnessboxonhisoath.ButIcan'tspendthewholedayexplainingthingstoyou.ImustgoinandhustleSimpkinsabit.There'snoreasonintheworldthatIcanseewhyheshouldn'tgouptoBallymoyHouseandproposethisafternoon.ThenImustseeO'Donoghueandmakearrangementsaboutto-morrow.Ishallalso,thankstoyourchurlishness,havetoborrowabicycleformyself.ThenImustlookup
thatdodderingoldassCallaghan,andtellhimtoprecipitatemattersabitifIsucceedinhuntingSimpkinsuptoBallymoyHouse.IfIfailtoheadoffthejudge--Idon'texpecttofail,butifbyanychanceIdo--weshallhavenotimetospare,andmusthaveSimpkinsdefinitelycommittedtothemarriageassoonaspossible.Notthatitwillreallybemuchuseifthejudgegetsathim.Simpkinsisjustthesortofdishonourablebeastwho'dseizeonanyexcusetowriggleoutofanengagement;particularlyashe'llknowthatMissKingisscarcelyinapositiontogointocourtandgetdamagesforbreachofpromise."
CHAPTERXIII.
SirGilbertHawkesbyhadthereputationofbeingajustandablejudge,amanoffineintellect,greatvigour,andimmensedeterminationofcharacter.Onthebenchhelookedthepartwhichpopularimaginationhadgivenhimtoplay.Hiseyesweredescribedas"steely"byaladyjournalist,whohadoccasiontowatchhimduringthesensationaltrialofMrs.Lorimer.Hischinshedescribedlateroninherarticleas"characteristicofastrongfighter."Hismannerincourtwasexceedinglysevere.Inprivatelife,especiallyduringhissummer
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holiday,hetriednottolooklikeajudge,andwasalwayspleasedwhenstrangersmistookhimforacountrygentleman,theownerofalandedproperty.Hehadabroadfigure,andemphasiseditsbreadthbywearingonhisholidayloosejacketsofroughtweed.Hehadstrong,stoutlegswhichlookedwellinknickerbockersandshootingstockings.Acasualobserver,notknowingtheman,wouldhavesethimdownasanardentsportsman,andwouldhavebeenperfectlyright.Thejudgelovedfishing,andwaspreparedtogolongdistancesinthehopeofcatchingsalmon.Helikedyachting,andownedasmallcutterwhichwasoneofthecrackboatsofherclass.MenwhomethimforthefirsttimeonthebanksofaNorwegianriver,orataregattaatCowes,weremoreimpressedbyhisphysicalthanhisintellectualstrength.Theywouldperhapshavesuspectedhimofobstinacy,theobstinacyoftheinveterateprejudiceofthecountrygentleman.Theywouldnot,unlesstheyknewhim,havegivenhimcreditforbeingamanofwidereading,andajudgmentinliterarymattersassoundashisdecisionsincourt.
SirGilberthadspentnearlyaweekintheBournemouthvillawhichhehadtakenforLadyHawkesby.Theplaceweariedhim,andnothingbutachivalroussenseofthedutyheowedtohiswifekepthimtheresolong.LadyHawkesbywasalittleexactinginsomeways;andthoughsherecognisedthatthejudgehadarighttogofishing,shedislikedhisrunningawaywithoutspendingafewdayswithherafterthebusyseasonwasover,andshewasabletoleaveLondon.Thedayofthejudge's
departurehadarrived,andhesatwithLadyHawkesbyafterluncheon,waitingforthecarriagewhichwastotakehimtothestation.
"You'llseeMillicent,ofcourse,"saidLadyHawkesby."Besuretokeepheroutofmischiefifyoucan."
"Idon'tsuppose,"saidSirGilbert,"thatMillicentcangetintoanymischiefinBallymoy."
LadyHawkesbysighed.Shedistrustedherniece,regardingherasahighlydangerouspersonwhomightatanymomentcreateasensationwhichwouldamounttoapublicscandal.
"Iunderstand,"shesaid,"thattheplaceistwentymilesawayfromthenearestrailwaystation."
Shesighedagain.ShewasalittleuncertainastowhethersheoughttofindcomfortorfreshcauseofanxietyintheremotenessofBallymoyfromcivilisation.Ontheonehand,scandalsofaliterarykind--andLadyHawkesbydidnotsuspectMissKingofgivingoccasionforanythingworse--areunlikelyinthewildsofConnacht.Ontheotherhand,herdistancefromallfriendsandadviserswouldgiveMissKingafreedomwhichwasveryperilous.
"Ican'tthink,"shesaid,"whattakeseitherofyoutosuchaplace."
"I'mgoingtocatchsalmon,"saidSirGilbert."Millicenttellsmethatshewantsrestandquiet.Idaresayshedoes."
"Iwishverymuch,"saidLadyHawkesby,"thatshewassafelymarriedtosomequietsensibleman."
Therewasagooddealofsoundcommonsenseandknowledgeofhumannatureinher"safely."LadyHawkesbywasnotabrilliantwoman.Shewasinmanywaysafoolishwoman.Butshehadcertainbeliefsfoundedontheexperienceofmanygenerationsofpeoplelikeherself,and
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thereforeentitledtorespect.Shebelievedthatawomanismuchlesslikelytowanderfromthebeatenpathsoflifewhenherhandsareheldbyahusband,ifpossible"aquietsensibleman,"andherpetticoatsgraspedbyseveralclingingchildren.
"I'mafraid,"saidSirGilbert,"thatshe'snotlikelytomeetwithanysuitablepersoninBallymoy,butifshedoesI'llgiveheryourblessingaswellasmyown."
ThefactthatMissKingwasnotlikelytomeetaneligiblemaninBallymoysetLadyHawkesby'sthoughtsworkinginafreshdirection.
"Iamsure,"shesaid,"thatMillicentwillbeverygladtoseeyou.Inaplacelikethatwheretherecan'tbeanybodytotalkto--"
"EvenImightbewelcome.I'lllookherupeverySunday.I'lldinewithherifsheasksmeonweek-days;butI'mnotgoingtostaywithherinthehouseshehastaken.IliketobeafreebirdofthewildwhenI'monmyholidays.Thelocalinn,whichiscalledtheImperialHotel,andownedbyamannamedDoyle,istheplaceforme.I'vetakenroomsinit."
"I'msurethey'llcookabominably.You'llbehalf-starved."
"Potatocakeandbottledporter,"saidSirGilbert."That'swhatIalwaysliveonwhenIgotoIreland.InScotlandIhaveoatcakeandwhisky.Lastsummer,inNorway,Ithroveonsmokedsalmon."
"Ihearthecarriage.Ihopeallyourthingsareproperlypacked,andthatnothingisforgotten."
"AslongasIhavemyrodsandmyflybook,"saidSirGilbert,"Ishallbeabletogetalong.Good-bye,mydear.Ishalldineattheclub,andcatchthenightmailfromEuston."
"Dowritetome,Gilbert."
"I'llwriteonSunday,notsooner,unlessIfindthatMillyhasgotintoascrape."
SirGilberttravelledcomfortably,andenjoyedhisjourney.AtEustonhegotintothecarriagewithanIrishMemberofParliament,aUnionist,whowasreturningtohisnativeDublinaftermakinghimselfasbrilliantlyobjectionableaspossibleforsixmonthstoaLiberalChiefSecretary.HemistookthejudgeforanIrishcountrygentleman,andgaveexpressiontopoliticalopinionswhichSirGilbertfoundextremelyamusing.OnthesteamerhefellinwithanotherMemberofParliament,thistimeaNationalist,whohadtravelledthirdclassinthetrain,andonlyemergedintogoodsocietyatHolyhead.He,gettingnearertothetruththanhisenemy,thoughtthejudgewasanEnglish
tourist,andexplainedthegoodintentionsoftheCongestedDistrictsBoardatsomelength.Thejudgefoundhimamusingtoo,andsatuptalkingtohiminthesmoking-room.Inthemorningheintroducedhistwoacquaintancestoeachotheratfiveo'clock,justasthesteamerreachedKingstownpier.Hewasdelightedwiththeresult.Theybothlookedroundthemcautiously,andsatisfiedthemselvesthattherewasnooneonthepierwhoknewthem.Thentheyfellintoananimatedconversation,andfoundeachothersoagreeablethattheytravelledtogetherinasecond-classcarriagetoDublin,theNationalistpayingninepenceextrafortheprivilege,theUnionistsacrificingthe
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advantagesconferredbyhisfirst-classticket.Thejudge,whowasgoinginadifferenttrain,puthisheadintothewindowoftheircompartmentandurgedthemtosettletheirpoliticaldifferencesbyasimilarcompromise.Hemadeahabitofbeingfestiveandjocularwhenhewasonholiday,andheparticularlyenjoyedpokingfunattheinhabitantsofforeigncountries.
InthebreakfastcarofthetrainwhichcarriedhimwestwardshecameintocontactwithaLocalGovernmentBoardinspector.Thisgentlemanwasextremelyreticentforalongtime,andwasonlypersuadedtotalkintheendwhenthejudgeassuredhimthathewasacompletestrangerinIreland,andwasnotanewspapercorrespondent.Thentheinspectortalked.Hetoldaseriesofamusingtaleswhichwereallofthemtrue,butwhichSirGilbertregardedasinventions.HehadtochangehiscarriageatAthlone,andpartedfromtheinspectorwithgreatregret.Fortherestofhisjourneyhewasalone.ItwashisfirstvisittothepartofIrelandhewastravellingthrough,andhelookedwithkeeninterestatthebogs,thescatteredcottages,theleancattle,scantypasturelands,potatofields,patchesofoats,andsqualidtowns.
AtDonardStation,whichistheterminusofthisbranchoftherailway,andtheneareststationtoBallymoy,hegotout.Hehadtelegraphedtothehotelforluncheon,andgivenordersthatacarshouldbereadytodrivehimovertoBallymoy,Hewasaccostedontheplatformbytwo
strangers.Heeyedthemwithsomesurprise.Theonewasashabby,red-hairedclergyman,withabristlingmoustacheandastrikinglybatteredhat.Helookedaboutthirtyyearsofage.Theotherwasaslightlyolderman,dressedinaseedygreysuitandapairofsurprisinglybrightyellowgaiters.
"SirGilbertHawkesby,Ipresume?"saidMeldon.
"Yes,"saidthejudge;"IamSirGilbertHawkesby."
"This,"saidMeldon,"ismyfriendDr.O'Donoghue,medicalofficerofhealthforthePoorLawUnionofBallymoy,amangreatlyrespectedintheneighbourhoodforhisscientificattainmentsandtheuncompromising
honestyofhischaracter.Ineedscarcelyremindyou,SirGilbert,thatthetwothingsdon'talwaysgotogether."
Dr.O'Donoghuebowedandtookoffhiscap.
"Andyou?"saidthejudge."MayIaskwhoyouare?"
"Itdoesn'treallymatterwhoIam,"saidMeldon."TheimportantfactforyoutograspisthatO'DonoghueistheofficerofhealthoftheUnionofBallymoy.That'swhatyouare,isn'tit,O'Donoghue?"
"Itis,"saidO'Donoghue.
"I'llmakeanoteofitatonce,"saidthejudge.
"Amentalnotewilldo,"saidMeldon."Youneedn'tbotherwritingitdown.Ifyouhappentoforgetitinthecourseofourconversation,you'veonlygottomentionthatyouhaveandI'lltellittoyouagain."
"Thanks,"saidthejudge."I'msogladthatwearetohaveaconversation.Whenshallwebegin?"
SirGilbertwasenjoyingMeldonverymuchsofar.He'dneverbefore
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comeacrossanyoneexactlylikethisclergyman,andhewantedtoseemoreofhim.
"Perhaps,"saidMeldon,"aswhatwehavetosayisofastrictlyprivatekind,andmayturnouttobeactuallylibellous,we'dbettergodowntothehotel."
"Certainly,"saidthejudge."I'veorderedluncheonthere.IfyouandthemedicalofficerofhealthwilljoinmeIshallbedelighted.AfterluncheonIshallhavetoleaveyou,I'mafraid.Ihavealongdrivebeforeme.I'monmywaytoBallymoy."
"Whenyou'veheardwhatwehavetosay,"saidMeldon,"youwon'tgotoBallymoy."
"IexpectIshall,"saidthejudge."ButofcourseIdon'tknowyetwhatformyourlibelisgoingtotake.Still,Icanhardlyimaginethatthedefamationofanyone'scharacterwillkeepmeoutofBallymoy.Ihaveacarwaitingformeoutsidethestation,butI'mafraidIcannotoffertodriveyoudowntothehotel.Ihaveagooddealofluggage."
"Asfarastheluggageisconcerned,"saidMeldon,"youmayjustaswellleaveithere.There'snopointindraggingalotoftrunksand
fishing-rodsdowntothehotelwhenyou'llsimplyhavetodragthemallbackagain.Whenyou'veheardwhatwehavetosayyou'lltakethenexttrainhome."
"Idon'texpectIshall.Infact,IfeeltolerablycertainIshallgoon.I'lltaketheluggagewithmeanyhow,incaseIdo."
"Youmustn'tthink,"saidMeldon,"thatI'msuggestingyourleavingtheluggagebehindsimplyinordertogetaseatonyourcar."
"Iassureyou,"saidthejudge,"thatsuchasuspicionnevercrossedmymind."
"O'DonoghueandIbothhavebicycles,sowedon'twanttodrive.Hehashisown,acapitalmachine,andIborrowedDoyle'sthismorning,whichisquitesoundexceptfortheleftpedal.It'sabitgroggy,andcameofftwiceonthewayhere."
"ThatmakesmeallthemoresorryIcan'tdriveyoudown,"saidthejudge,"butyouseewhatalotofthingsIhave.Ineedn'tsaygood-bye:weshallmeetagainatthehotel."
Luncheon--chopsandboiledpotatoes--wasservedinthecommercialroomofthehotel.Whenthemaidhadgoneawayaftersupplyingthethreemenwithwhiskyandsoda,Meldonlaiddownhisknifeandfork.
"Imayintroducemysubject,"hesaid,"bysayingthatIhaveahighrespectforyou.SohasO'Donoghue.Haven'tyou,O'Donoghue?"
"Ihave,"saidO'Donoghue.
"Thanks,"saidthejudge."It'skindofyoubothtosaythat."
"Notatall;it'sthesimpletruth.Ilookuptoyouagooddealinyourcapacityofjudge.JudgeoftheKing'sBench,Ithink?"
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Thejudgenodded.
"Inordertomakemypositionquiteplain,"saidMeldon,"andtopreventanypossibilityofyourthinkingthatI'mmeddlingwithyouraffairsinanunwarrantablemanner,ImayaddthatIrecogniseinyouoneofthepillarsofsociety,abulwarkofourcivilandreligiousliberty,amainstayoflawandorder.SodoesO'Donoghue."
"I'maNationalistmyself,"saidthedoctor,whofeltthathewasbeingcommittedtosentimentswhichhecouldnotentirelyapprove.
"I'mspeakingofSirGilbertasanEnglishjudge,"saidMeldon,"andthelawandorderIrefertoare,sofarasSirGilbertisconcerned,purelyEnglish.NothingthatIamsayingnowcompromisesyouintheslightesteitherwithregardtothelandquestionorHomeRule."
"Ididn'tunderstandthatatthetimeyouspoke,"saidthedoctor;"butifyoudon'tmeananymorethanthatI'mwithyouheartandsoul."
"Youhearwhathesays,"saidMeldontothejudge.
"Ineedscarcelysay,"repliedSirGilbert,"thatallthisisimmenselygratifyingtome."
"Itwon'tsurpriseyounow,"saidMeldon,"tohearthatwelookuponyourlifeasamostvaluableone--toovaluabletoberiskedunnecessarily."
"Ishouldappreciatethisentirelyunsolicitedtestimonial,"saidthejudge,"evenmorethanIdoalready,ifIknewexactlywhowasgivingittome."
"Idon'tsupposethatyou'dbemuchthewiserifItellyouthatmynameisMeldon--J.J.Meldon.IwasatonetimecurateofBallymoy."
"Thanks,"saidthejudge."Won'tyougoonwithyourluncheon?I'mafraidyourchopwillbecold."
"Ihave,"saidMeldon,"adutytoperform.Idon'tmindintheleastifmychopdoesgetcold.Iwishtowarnyouthatyourlife,yourvaluablelife--andIneverrealisedhowvaluableyourlifewasuntilIreadyoursumming-upinthecaseofMrs.Lorimer.Thatwas,ifImaysayso,masterly.Miltonhimselfcouldn'thavedoneitbetter."
"Milton?"saidthejudge.
"ImentionedMilton,"saidMeldon,"becausehewasthemostviolentmisogynistIeverheardof.ReadwhathesaysaboutDelilahin'SamsonAgonistes'andyou'llseewhyIcompareyourremarksaboutMrs.Lorimertothesortofwayhewrote."
"I'vereadit,"saidthejudge,"andIthinkIrecollectthepassagesyoualludeto.Idon'tquiteseemyselfwhatconnectionthereisbetweenhisviewsandthecaseofMrs.Lorimer.Still,I'mgreatlyobligedtoyouforwhatyousayaboutmysumming-up.ButyouwerespeakingofmylifejustbeforeyoumentionedMilton."
"Theconnectionisobviousenough,"saidMeldon;"andifyou'vereallyreadthepoem--"
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"Ihave,"saidthejudge.
"Thenyououghttorecognisethatthestronganti-feministbiaswhichMiltondisplaysisexactlysimilartothespiritinwhichyouattributedtheworstpossiblemotivestoMrs.Lorimer.I'mnotnowenteringonadiscussionofthequestionofwhetheryouandMiltonarerightorwronginyourviewofwomen.Thatwouldtaketoolong,and,besides,ithasn'tanythingtodowiththebusinessonhand."
"That,"saidthejudge,"aswellasIrecollect,isthedangerofmylosingmylife."
"Yourlife,"saidMeldon,"willnotbesafeinBallymoy.Wemetyouatthestationto-dayinordertowarnyoutogostraighthomeagain."
"Really!"saidthejudge."ItravelleddownfromLondonwithaMemberofParliamentlastnight,andhegavemeadescriptionofthestateofthecountrywhichbearsoutwhatyousay.Hementionedanarchyandconspiracyasbeingrampant--orelserife;Iforgetforthemomentwhichwordheused.HesaidthatthewestofIrelandlayatthemercyofanorganisedsystemofterrorism,andthat--"
"ThatmusthavebeenaUnionist,"saidMeldon.
"Damnedlies,"saidO'Donoghue.
"HewasaUnionist,"saidthejudge."ButImetanothermaninthesteamer,alsoanM.P.,whosaidthat,owingtothebeneficentactionoftheCongestedDistrictsBoard,Connachtwasrapidlybecomingahappyandcontentedpartoftheempire;thatthesympathywithIrishideasdisplayedbythepresentGovernmentwaswinningtheheartsandaffectionsofthepeople,and--"
"That,"saidMeldon,"musthavebeenaNationalist."
"Moredamnedlies,"saidDr.O'Donoghue.
"Andnow,"saidthejudge,"Imeetyoutwogentlemen,oneofyouaNationalistandtheotheraUnionist--"
"Don'tcallmethat,"saidMeldon;"I'mnon-political.Nothingonearthwouldinducemetomixmyselfupwithanyparty."
"Andyou,"thejudgewenton,"aftercomparingmeinthemostflatteringmannertothepoetMilton,tellmethatmylifewon'tbesafeinBallymoy.I'minclinedtothinkthatthebestthingIcandoistogoandfindoutthetruthformyself."
"Ifitwassimplyaquestionofmurder,"saidMeldon,"Ishouldstronglyadviseyoutogoonandseethethingthrough;butwhatwe
haveinmindissomethinginfinitelyworse.Isn'tit,O'Donoghue?"
"Itis,"saidthedoctor;"farworse."
"Isit,"saidthejudge,"hightreason?That'stheonlycrimeIknowwhichthelawregardsasmoremalignantthanmurder.Thepenaltiesarealittleobsoleteatpresent,fornobodyhasventuredtocommitthecrimeforagreatmanyyears;butifyoulikeI'lllookthesubjectupwhenIgohomeandletyouknow."
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"We'renottalkingaboutcrime,"saidMeldon,"butdrains.Doyle'sdrains."
"Ibegyourpardon,"saidthejudge."Didyousaydrains?"
"Yes,"saidMeldondistinctly."Drains--Doyle'sdrains.Thedrainsofthehouseyoumeantostopin.Ineedn'ttellyouwhatdrainsmean.Blood-poisoning,typhoid,septicthroats,breakingsoutinvariouspartsofyourbody,andaverypainfulkindofdeath.ForalthoughO'Donoghuewilldohisbestforyouinthewayofmitigatingyoursufferingshecan'tundertaketosaveyourlife."
"I'mprettytough,"saidthejudge,"andI'mpayingagoodpriceformyfishing.IthinkI'llfacethedrains."
"Idon'texpectthatyouquiterealisehowbadthosedrainsare.Doeshe,O'Donoghue?"
"Hedoesnot,"saidthedoctor.
"Thenyoutellhim,"saidMeldon."Asamedicalmanyou'llputitmuchmoreconvincinglythanIcan."
O'Donoghueclearedhisthroat.
"I'venodoubt,"saidthejudge,"thatyoucanmakeoutaprettybadcaseagainstthosedrains;butI'mgoingontoBallymoytocatchsalmonifthey'retwiceasrottenastheyare."
"Itwasonlylastwinter,"saidMeldon,"thatMr.SimpkinswantedtoprosecuteDoyleonaccountoftheconditionofhisdrains.Youprobablydon'tknowSimpkins;butifyoudid,you'dunderstandthathe'snotthekindofmantotakedrasticactionunlessthedrainswereprettybad."
"Andthey'reworsesince,"saidO'Donoghue.
"It'sextremelykindofyou,"saidthejudge,"tohavecomeallthiswaytowarnme,andofcourseifIknewSimpkinsImight,asyousay,actdifferently.ButIthink,onthewhole,I'llgoonandriskit.IfIdogetasepticthroatoranythingofthekindIshallsendatonceforDr.O'Donoghue;andIshallaskyou,Mr.Meldon,towriteanobituarynoticeforthepapersincaseIsuccumb.Iamsureyou'ddoitwell,andyoucouldputinallyousaidaboutDelilahandMrs.Lorimer.Ishan'tmindonceI'mburied."
"Youwon'tbeabletosayafterwards,"saidMeldon,"thatyouwerenotfairlywarned.We'vedoneourdutywhateverhappens."
"You'vedoneitinthemostthoroughway,"saidthejudge,"andIhope
IshallseeagreatdealofyouwhileI'minBallymoy."
"I'lljustfinishthischop,"saidMeldon,"andthenO'DonoghueandImustbeoff.Wehavealongridebeforeus.I'lltellDoyletosprinklesomechlorideoflimeinyourbedroom,andtodampthesheetswithCondy'sFluid.Idon'tsupposeitwillbemuchuse,butit'sthebestwecandoifyourmindismadeup."
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CHAPTERXIV.
Meldonleftthehotelandmountedhisbicyclewithoutspeakinganotherword.Heroderapidlyoutofthetown,followedatsomedistancebyO'Donoghue,whowasacyclistofinferiorstrengthandenergy.ForthefirstfourmilestheroadtoBallymoygoessteadilyuphill.Meldon,grippinghishandle-barstightly,rodeatafastrate.O'Donoghuewasleftfurtherandfurtherbehind.AtthetopofthehillMeldonhadaleadofafullquarterofamile.Thentheleftpedalofhisbicyclecameoff,andhewasobligedtodismount.HewasworkingatitwithaspannerwhenO'Donoghue,breathlessandinabadtemper,cameupwithhim.Meldongreetedhimcheerfully.
"Obstinateoldswinethejudgeis,"hesaid."Youwouldhavethoughtamanlikethatwhosebusinessinlifeconsistsverylargelyinweighingevidence,andwhohasbeenspeciallytrainedtoarriveatsoundconclusionsfromthefactspresentedtohim,wouldhaveseenthenecessityofgivingupthisridiculousexpeditionofhistoBallymoy."
"Whydidyourideonlikethatandleavemebehind?"saidO'Donoghueshortly.
"IfIwereinclinedtobecaptiousandwantedtofindfault,"said
Meldon,"Imightsaywhydidyoulagbehindandleavemetoridebymyself?Idon'twanttoridebymyself.Iwanttodiscussthejudge'sconduct."
O'Donoghuealsowantedtodiscussthejudge'sconduct.Hewasevenmoreanxioustofindout,ifhecould,whyMeldondislikedtheideaofthisparticularjudgepayingavisittoBallymoy.Herecoveredhistemperwithaneffort.
"Idon'tthink,"hesaid,"thathebelievedawordyousaidaboutthedrains."
"That'sexactlywhatI'mcomplainingof.Heoughttohavebelievedus.
Accordingtoalltherulesofevidence,nostrongertestimonycouldpossiblyhavebeenofferedthanthestatementsofaclergymanandadoctor,neitherofwhomhadanypersonalinterestintheconditionofthedrains.Unlesswe'dbroughtabottleofwateroutofDoyle'swell,andshownhimthebacilliswimmingaboutinit,Idon'tseewhatmorewecouldhavedone."
"IwishIknew,"saidO'Donoghue,"exactlywhyitisthatyouwanttokeepSirGilbertoutofBallymoy.Whatharmisthereforhimtodoifhecomes?"
"Hewon'tdomeanyharmatall.InfactIshallbedelightedtohavehimthere.Hestruckmeasaveryintelligentandhighly-educatedman.
Yousawhowhecaughtmypointabout'SamsonAgonistes'atonce.NeitheryounorDoyle,norforthematterofthattheMajor,wouldhaveknownintheleastwhatIwastalkingabout.Amanlikethatabouttheplacewouldbeagreatcomforttome.Ishouldhavesomeonetotalkto.IwishIcouldgetyoualltounderstandthatI'mactinginthiswholebusinessfrompurelydisinterestedandaltruisticmotives.Idon'twanttogetridofSimpkins.YouandDoyleandtheMajordo."
"ThethingIcan'tunderstand,"saidO'Donoghue,"iswhatthejudgehastodowithSimpkins.IfIwasclearaboutthat--WhatImeantosay
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isifIcouldmakeoutwhy--"
"Thankgoodness,"saidMeldon,"I'vegotthatbeastlypedalfixedagain.Comeon,doctor.Wehaven'taminutetowaste.IwanttobeinBallymoyaclearhourbeforethejudgearrivesthere."
Hemountedthebicycleashespoke,androdeoffatfullspeed.Theslopeoftheroadwasdownwardsfromtheplaceofthehalt,andO'DonoghuewasabletokeepclosetoMeldonforsometime.Hemadeanumberofbreathlessattemptstospeak.
"Ifyou'donlytellme,"hepanted,"why--"
Sometimeshegotalittlefurtherthanthe"why."
Heneversucceededincompletelyfinishinghissentence.Afterawhilehebegantodropbehindagain.OnalonglevelstretchofroadMeldondrewrapidlyaheadandmighthavereachedBallymoyawholemileinfrontofO'DonoghueifthepedalofDoyle'sbicyclehadnotfailedhimagain.Theaccidentgavethedoctorhisopportunity.HecameupwithMeldonandaskedhisquestion.
"WhatdifferencewillthejudgemaketoSimpkins?That'swhatIwanttoknow,andIwon'tgoonblindfolddoingexactlywhatyoutellme.
IfIsawmywayitwouldbedifferent."
"Ican'texplainthepositionfullytoyou,"saidMeldon,"withoutgivingawayasecretwhichisn'treallymine;asecretwhichinvolvesthehonourofalady.ButwhenItellyouthatmyplanforgettingridofSimpkinspermanentlyinvolvesmymarryinghimtoMissKing,you'llnodoubtbeabletomakeoutforyourselfwhyitisabsolutelynecessarytokeepSirGilbertHawkesbyoutofBallymoy.Anyintelligentman,abletoputtwoandtwotogether,oughttoseethewholething,especiallyifhe'sbeenreadingthenewspapers."
O'Donoghuesatdownonthebankatthesideoftheroadandthoughtdeeply.Meldonworkedvehementlyatthepedal.
"Ican'tseeintheleastwhatyou'reat,"saidO'Donoghueatlast."Butitdoesn'tmatter.IfyourplanofmakingSimpkinsmarrythatladydependsonyourkeepingthejudgeoutoftheplace,then,sofarasIcansee,it'sdonefor.He'scominginspiteofyou."
"Myplanwillbeallright,"saidMeldon,"ifhedoesn'tstay;andIthinkhewon'tstay."
"Hedoesn'tseemtominddrainsabit;andhe'llmindthemlesswhenheseesthem.They'rebad,ofcourse;butthey'renotnearsobadasyoumadeout.Idon'texpectamanthatagewillcatchanything."
"I'mnotnowrelyingonthedrains,"saidMeldon."Iquitegiveinthatthey'vefailed.I'monmywaybacktomakeotherarrangementswhichwillhavehimoutofBallymoyintwenty-fourhours."
"Youmeanthechlorideoflimeinhisbedroom."
"Thatandotherthings.I'mconvincedthatwerunagraveriskeveryhourhespendsinBallymoy,andsoIshallnaturallytakeprettystrongmeasurestogethimout."
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"Don'tmixmeupinthemifyoucanhelpit.Ibackedyouupaboutthedrains,butforamaninmypositionitdoesn'tdotogotoofar,especiallywithajudge."
"Allyouhavetodo,"saidMeldon,"istosupplythechlorideoflimeandtheCondy'sFluid.Ishan'taskyoutodoanythingelse.Youcan'tcomplainaboutatriflelikethat.MostmenwoulddoagreatdealmoreinordertogetridofSimpkins."
Thepedalwasfixedagain.Meldonshookitviolentlytomakesurethatitwasreallyfirm.
"Ihope,"hesaid,"itwillstickonthistime.Thesedelaysaremostexasperatingwhenone'sinahurry.Weshallhavetobuckupnow,O'Donoghue,andridereallyfast."
O'Donoghuegroaned.HehadbeenridingatthetopofhisspeedsinceheleftDonard,andtherewerestillsixmilesbetweenhimandBallymoy.Meldonledoffataracingspeed,leavingthedoctortofollowhimthroughachokingcloudofdust.AboutthreemilesoutsideBallymoy,O'Donoghue,havingentirelylostsightofMeldon,satdowntorestonthesideoftheroad.Thepedalwasholdingtoitsplace,andhehadnohopeofseeinghiscompanionagain.
Meldonproppedhisbicycleupoutsidethedoorofthehotel,walkedintothehall,andshoutedforDoyle.
"Icoulddo,"hesaid,"withacupoftea,ifyou'llbesogoodastotellSabinaGallaghertomakeitforme."
"I'lldothat,"saidDoyle."I'ddomorethanthatforyou,Mr.Meldon.TheteawillbelaidoutforyouinthecommercialroominfiveminutesifsobeSabinahasthekettleontheboil,andit'swhatI'malwaystellinghersheoughttoseeto."
"Idon'twantitsetoutinthecommercialroom,"saidMr.Meldon,"noryetinthedrawing-room.Iwanttotakeitinthekitchenalongwith
Sabina."
"Isitinthekitchen?Surethat'snoplaceforagentlemanlikeyourselftobetakinghistea."
"Allthesameit'sthereImeantohaveit.Thefactis,IhaveawordortwotosaytoSabinaprivately."
Doyleopenedadoorattheendofthehallinwhichtheystood,andshouteddownalongpassage:
"Sabina,SabinaGallagher!Areyoulisteningtome?Verywellthen.Willyouwetsometeainthesilverteapotwhichyou'llfindbeyond
in--"
"I'dpreferthebrownone,"saidMeldon,"ifit'sallthesametoyou.Ihatethetasteofplate-powder.Idon'tthinkit'slikelythatSabinahasbeenwastinghertimepolishingyoursilver,butyounevercantellwhatagirllikethatwoulddo."
"Inthebrownteapot,"shoutedDoyle."Andsetoutacupandsauceronthekitchentable--"
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"Twocups,"saidMeldon."IwantSabinatojoinme,sothatI'llbesureofgettingherinagoodtemper."
"Twocups,"shoutedDoyle."Andwhenyouhavethatdonebeoffandcleanyourselfasquickasyoucan,fortheReverendMr.Meldonwillbedowninaminutetotaketeawithyou.Ifthereisn'tapotofjamdownbelow--andit'slikelyyouhaveitateifthereis--gointotheshopandaskforone.Isitstrawberryyou'dlike,Mr.Meldon?"
"Thatorraspberry,"saidMeldon."Idon'tcarewhich.AndnowIwanttosayawordortwotoyou."
"Comeinside,"saidDoyle."Thereisn'tasoulinthebar,andmaybeyou'dlikeadropofsomethingbeforeyourtea."
"Iwouldnot.Youknowverywell,Doyle,thatInevertouchwhiskybeforemymeals,especiallywhenI'veanybusinesstodo;andyououghttobeashamedofyourselfforofferingittome."
Doylepushedforwardachair,selectedanotherforhimself,andsatdownoppositeMeldon.
"Isitaboutthejudgethat'scomingthiseveningthatyouwantedtospeaktome?"
"Itis,"saidMeldon.
"Iwasthinkingitmightbe.Whenyouaskedfortheloanofmybicyclethismorning,andtoldmethatyouandthedoctorwasofftoDonardinahurry,Imadefullsureitwashimyouwereafter.Whathaveyoudonewiththedoctor?"
"He'llbehereinafewminutes,"saidMeldon,"andwhenhecomeshe'llgiveyousomechlorideoflimeandabottleofCondy'sFluid.You'retosprinklethelimeonthefloorofthejudge'sbedroom,andtodampthesheetsonhisbedwithasolutionofCondy'sFluid.O'Donoghuewillgiveyouexactdirectionsaboutthequantities."
"Andwhatwouldthatbefor?"
"Thejudgewantsitdone,"saidMeldon,"andthatoughttobeenoughforyou."
"IwasreadingabitinthepaperonedayaboutwhattheycalltheChristianScience.Isuppose,now,he'llbeoneofthem?"
"No,"saidMeldon."He'snot.Ifyou'dreadalittlemorecarefullyyou'dhaveunderstoodthatnoChristianScientistwouldwalkonthesamesideofthestreetasabottleofCondy'sFluid.Theprincipalarticleoftheircreedisthattherearenosuchthingsasgerms,
consequentlyit'smerewasteoftimetryingtokillthem.AndasCondy'sFluidexistschieflyforthepurposeofkillinggerms,itstrikestheChristianScientistasanimmoralcompound.Idon'tknowexactlywhatreligionyourjudgeprofesses,butonethingisclearfromhisinsistingonCondy'sFluid,he'snotaChristianScientist."
"It'saswellhe'snot,"saidDoyle."WhatIsay,andalwaysdidsay,isthis:TheCatholicreligionistherightreligion,meaningnooffencetoyou,Mr.Meldon.AndtheProtestantreligionisagoodreligionforthemthat'sbroughtuptoit.Andifamancan'tmakeup
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hismindtooneorotherofthetwoofthem,it'sbetterforhimnottohaveareligionatall."
"Don'tletyourinterestintheologicalcontroversydistractyourattentionfromseeingafterthethoroughdisinfectionofthejudge'sbedroom."
"Iwillnot,"saidDoyle;"butI'llseethatyourordersarecarriedout.It'saqueernotion,soitis,tobesleepingindampsheets.Butamanlikethatoughttoknowwhatsuitshim."
"Right,"saidMeldon."Andnow,ifyou'llexcuseme,I'llbeofftothekitchenandhavemytea.Youkeepyoureyeliftingforthedoctor,andgetthosethingsoutofhimassoonasyoucan."
SabinaGallagher,blushingandembarrassed,withacleanapronon,stoodwithherbackagainstthedresserwhenMeldonenteredthekitchen.Heshookhandswithher,andnoticedatoncethatshehadobeyedhermaster'sordersandmadesomeefforttocleanherself.Herhandsweredampandcold.
"I'mgladtoseeyoulookingwell,"saidMeldon,"Istheteaready?"
"Itis,"saidSabina.
Meldonsatdownandpouredouttwocups.
"Comealong,"hesaid,"andkeepmecompany."
Sabinasidledtowardsthetable.
"I'mjustaftermytea,"shesaid,"andI'dbeashamedtobesittingdownwithagentlemanlikeyourself."
"Nonsense,"saidMeldon,"Iwanttotalktoyou,andIcan'tdothatifyou'restandingthereinthemiddleofthefloorsoasI'dgetacrickinmynecktryingtolookatyou.Sitdownatonce."
Sabinagrinnedsheepishlyandsatdown.Meldondrankoffhiscupofteaatadraught,andpouredoutasecond.
"HaveyoutakentheadviceIgaveyoutheotherdayaboutyourcooking?"heasked.
"Isitmakingthemthingswitholives?"
"Itis."
"Well,Ihavenot;forIwouldn'tbefit."
"I'mgladtohearit,"saidMeldon."CircumstanceshavearisensinceIlastsawyouwhichrenderitdesirablethatyoushouldcookasbadlyaspossibleduringthenextfewdays.There'sajudgecomingherethisevening."
"IheardMr.Doylesayingthatsame,"saidSabina.
"Andhe'llbeexpectingsomesortofadinnerto-night."
"There'sachickenreadytogointotheovenforhimanyminute."
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"Whatyouhavetodo,"saidMeldon,"istoseethathegetsasbadadinneraspossible,andaworsebreakfastto-morrowmorning."
"Bad,isit?"
"Uneatable,"saidMeldon."Servehimupfoodthatapigwouldn'tlookat.Canyoudothat,doyouthink?"
"Imight,ofcourse,"saidSabina;"but--"
"Thendo."
"SureifIdohe'llnotbeforstoppinginthehotel."
"Exactly,"saidMeldon."He'snotwantedtostop."
"Mr.Doylewilllaceratemeafter,ifthegentlemanleaves,andthelanguagehe'llusewillbewhatIwouldn'tliketobelisteningto."
"Mr.Doyle,"saidMeldon,"maytakethatviewatfirst.He'sashort-sightedman,andisinclinedtoconsideronlytheimmediatepresent;but,ingivingyouthedirectionsIamgivingaboutthejudge'sfood,IamactinginMr.Doyle'sbestinterests.I'mlooking
intothefuture,anddoingwhatwillbebestforMr.Doyleinthelongrun.Afterawhilehe'llcometounderstandthat,andthenhe'llbeextremelypleasedwithyou,andmostprobablyhe'llraiseyourwages."
"He'llnotdothat,"saidSabinaconfidently.
"Inanycase,"saidMeldon,"whateverviewheultimatelytakesofyouraction,youwillhavethefeelingthatyouaresecuringthegreatestgoodofthegreatestnumber,andthat'sarewardinitself--amuchbetterrewardthanafewshillingsextrawages."
"Itmightbe,"saidSabina;butshespokewithoutconviction.
"Astotheexactmethodthatyououghttopursue,"saidMeldon,"Idon'tlaydownanyhardandfastrules;butIshouldsuggestthatparaffinoilisathingthathasamostpenetratingkindoftaste,andIdon'tknowthatIevermetanyonewholikedit.Irememberonceaservantwehadathomecleanedtheinsideofthecoffee-potwithparaffinoil.Itastedthestuffforweeksafterwards,andIcouldn'tmakeoutforalongtimewheretheflavourcamefrom."
"Wouldtherebeanyfear,"saidSabina,"butImightpoisonhim?"
"Notabit,"saidMeldon."You'lldohimgoodifheeatsthethings.Youmaynotknowit,butvaselineismadefromparaffinoil,andit'swellknownthatvaselineisanextraordinarilywholesomesortofstuff,
goodforalmostanythinginthewayofacutoraburn.Thenthere'sakindofemulsionmadefrompetroleum--that'sthesameasparaffin--whichcuresconsumption.Forallweknowthisjudgemaybesufferingfromconsumption,andalittleparaffinmaybethebestthingintheworldforhim."
"Iwouldn'tlikeifhewastodieonus."
"NorwouldI;buthewon't.Youneedn'tbetheleastbitafraidofthat.Foronething,themomenthesmellstheparaffinhe'llstop
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eatingthefood.However,allthisisonlymyidea.Betterplansmaysuggestthemselves.Forinstance,Ihavenoticedthatifyouchopupanonionwithaknife,andthenspreadbutterwiththesameknife,thebuttergetsamostobjectionabletaste.Youhaveonionsaboutthehouse,Isuppose."
"Ihave."
"Thenyoumighttrythat.Andthere'sawayofdealingwithbacon.I'mnotquitesurehowit'sdone,butthetasteallgoesoutofit,anditgetsextremelytough.Thenyoufryitinsuchawaythatit'squitelimp,andsprinklealittlesootonit.I'veoftentriedtoeatbacondonethatway--beforeIwasmarried,ofcourse--andInevercould.Idon'tsupposethejudgewillbeabletoeither.Boiledeggsaredifficultthingstotamperwith,butyoucouldalwaysseethattheywerestale."
"Icouldnot,then."
"Youcould,Sabina.Don'traisefrivolousdifficulties.Anybodycouldkeepanegguntilitwasstale."
"Notinthishouse."
"Andwhynot?"
"Becausethey'dbeate,"saidSabina."Whatevermanyeggsthehensmightlaythey'dbeatebysomeonebeforetheywereadayinthehouse,andIcouldn'tkeepthem.TherewasalittlePlymouthRockhenthatwaswantingtositherelastweek,andittookmeallIcoulddoandmoretogettheeggssavedupforher,andatthelatterendIhadonlynine."
"Isshesittingyet!"
"Sheis,ofcourse."
"Thenyoumighttrythejudgewiththeeggsthat'sunderher."
"Iwillnot,then.IsitafterallthetroubleIhadwithher,andthechickenswillbeoutearlynextweek.Ineverheardofthelike."
"Well,"saidMeldon,"I'llhavetoleavetheboiledeggstoyou,Sabina,butI'llbedisappointedinyouifthejudgeeatsthem.Doyouthinknowthatyouthoroughlyunderstandwhatyou'vegottodo?"
"Ido.Whywouldn'tI?"
"ThenI'llsaygood-byetoyou.I'mmuchobligedtoyouforthecupoftea.Andremember,Sabina,thisisn'tanykindofajoke.It's
seriousbusiness,andImeaneverywordIsay.It'smostimportantthatthejudgeshouldleaveBallymoyassoonaspossible."
"IsitpersecutingtheLeagueboyshe'safter?"saidSabina."Forthere'sacousinofmyownthat'sinwiththem,and--"
"Brotherofthered-hairedgirlatMr.Simpkins?"
"Heis;andIwouldn'tlikeanyharmwouldcometohim."
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"YouactasIhavetoldyou,andnoharmwillcometohim.Butifthejudgestaysonhereit'simpossibletosaywhatmayhappen.Youknowwhatjudgesare,Sabina."
"I'veheardtellofthem,andit'smightylittlegoodiseversaidofthemortheirlike."
"Quiteso,"saidMeldon."SoyoudoyourbesttogetthisoneoutofBallymoy."
CHAPTERXV.
Meldon,althoughhestillkeptDoyle'sbicycle,didnotarriveatPortsmouthLodgeuntilaftereighto'clock.MajorKenthadwaiteddinnerforhim,andwastherefore,aseventhebestmenareundersuchcircumstances,inaverybadtemper.WhenMeldonwalkedintothestudyhewassittingwithTheTimesspreadoutonhisknee.
"Ihavehad,"saidMeldon,"alongandparticularlyexhaustingkindofday.Ididn'tgetmuchlunchwiththejudgeatDonard,andalthoughIhadacupofteawithSabinaGallagheratthehotel,Ihadsomuchto
saytoherthatIdidn'teatmuch.Ihopedinner'sready."
"Dinner,"growledtheMajor,"hasbeenreadyformorethananhour."
"Good,"saidMeldon."I'mcertainlyreadyforit.Comeon."
"Iwishtogoodness,"saidtheMajor,rising,"thatyou'doccasionallytrytobeintimeforameal."
"There'snousewishingthat.Iwon't.It'samatterofprinciplewithme.Iregardpunctualityastheviceoflittleminds.Timeismeanttobetheservant,notthemasterof--"
"Don'tbeginatirade,"saidtheMajor,"butletusgetatwhat'sleftofourdinner.Therewon'tbemuch,andwhatthereiswillbecharred."
"Waitaminute,"saidMeldon."Idon'tdenythatI'mhungryandtired,butI'dratherrideallthewaybacktoDonardthansitdownattablewithyouinthetemperyou'reinatpresent."
"It'llbeworse,"saidtheMajor,"ifI'mkeptwaitinganylonger.AndIknowwhatyourtiradesare.Ifyoustartonavaguesortofsubjectliketimeyou'llbeatitforanhourbeforeyou'vefinished."
"Verywell,"saidMeldon."Asamatteroffact,whatIwantedtosaywouldn'thavetakenfiveminutes,andIcouldhavesaiditwhileyou
wereladlingoutthesoup.Butifyou'drathergorgedownyourfoodlikeawildbeastinacavernwithoutthecivilisingaccompanimentofintellectualconversation,youcan.Ishan'tmind.Imayperhapssay,however,thateverybodydoesn'tshareyourtastes.SirGilbertHawkesbywelcomedwhatIhadtosayaboutMiltonatlunchto-day,andshowedthathe'dnotonlyread'SamsonAgonistes,'but--"
"Thedinnerisspoiled,anyway,"saidtheMajor."Isupposeanotherhourwon'tmakeitanyworse.Willyoubeabletofinishthatdisquisitioninanhour,doyouthink,J.J.?"
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"I'vefinishednow;sowecangointoourdinnerandeatit.Itmaybe,asyousay,spoiled;butitcan'tbenearlysoobjectionableaswhatpoorSirGilbertHawkesbyistryingtoeatatthepresentmoment.Thatoughttobesomeconsolationtoyou."
"What'sthatyou'resayingaboutthejudge'sdinner?"
"Merelythatit'sinamuchworsestatethanyours.Alittletoomuchcookingisallyouhavetocomplainof.Hisdinnerissoakedinparaffinoil.Butcomealong,Major;thethoughtofhissufferingsneedn'tpreventoursatisfyingourappetites."
"Whathaveyoubeendoing,J.J.?Tellme,likeagoodfellow.I'dliketoknowtheworstatonce."
"Nothingwouldinduceme,"saidMeldon,"tostartanothertiradewhileyou'rehungry.Itwouldn'tbefairtoyou."
"Ishan'tbeabletoeatcomfortably,J.J.,withthethoughtofwhatyoumayhavebeendoinghangingovermyhead.Ishallbeimaginingallthetimethatit'ssomethingevenworsethanitreallyis.Whathaveyoudonetothejudge?"
"Adisquisition,"saidMeldon--"aswellasIrecollectdisquisitionwasthesecondwordyouused--onthatsubjectwouldcertainlylastanhour,andbythattimeyourdinnerwouldbealmost,ifnotquite,inasbadastateasthejudge's.I'mgoingintothedining-room.Youcanstayhereifyoulike,butIadviseyoutocomewithme."
TheMajorrosewithasigh,andfollowedhisguestintothedining-room.Thesoupwasnearlycold.So,whentheyappearedalittlelater,werethepotatoesandthespinach.Thelegofmuttonwashotbutbadlyburned.Meldonateheartily.TheMajorlaiddownhisknifeandforkwithasigh.
"Yousaidyouwerehungry,"saidMeldon."Whydon'tyoueat?"
"Myappetiteisgone,"saidtheMajor."I'mtoonervousaboutyouandthatjudgetocareaboutfood.Besides,lookatthat"--heproddedapieceofcharredmuttonwithhisforkashespoke--"howcanIeatthat?"
"You'dlikeitevenlessifittastedofparaffinoil.That'swhatthejudgeishavingtoputupwith.Idaresayhe'dbegladenoughtochangeplaceswithyou."
"Tellmewhatyoudid,J.J.Youmusthaveeatenenoughofthatmuttonnow."
"I'vehad,"saidMeldon,leaningbackinhischair,"alongand
exhaustingday.Ithasalsobeenadisappointingday.Ihaven'taccomplishedallIhoped."
"Youneverdo."
"Onthecontrary,Ialwaysdo--intheend.MyfirstplanforkeepingthejudgeoutofBallymoyfailed.Ifranklyadmitthat.Itfailedbecausethejudgeturnsouttobeapig-headedandobstinateman,whodoesn'tknowwhat'sgoodforhim.ItoldhimdistinctlythatifhecametoDoyle'shotelhe'dgettyphoidfeveranddie.O'Donoghue
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backedmeup.Butwedidn'tproducetheslightesteffectonthejudge.HisattituderemindedmeofthatsayingofNapoleon'saboutEnglishmenbeingsuchfoolsthattheydon'tknowwhentheyarebeaten.Thiswretchedjudgethinkshecandefydiseasegerms,whichofcoursehecan't."
"Thefactbeing,"saidtheMajor,"thatherecognisedataglancethekindofmanyouare,andknewthatheneedn'tbelieveawordyousaid.Iratherrespectthejudge."
"Youliketoputitthatway,"saidMeldon;"butasamatteroffactitwasIwhorecognisedthesortofmanheis.Iseenow--IsawbeforeIhadbeenaquarterofanhourinhiscompany--thatthereisabsolutelynousemakinganyfurtherappealtohisintellect.IfI'dknownthathewassuchathoroughEnglishmanasheturnsouttobe,Ishouldn'thavewastedmytimeintryingtoreasonwithhim.IshouldhavegonestraighttotheonlypartofhimwhichanEnglishmanreallydislikeshavingtouched--hisstomach."
"Lookhere,J.J.,"saidtheMajor,"Idon'tmindyourscoffingatEnglishmennowandthen.Iknowyoudon'treallymeanit,butyououghtn'ttogotoofar.RememberI'manEnglishmanmyselfbydescent,andIhavesomefeelings.Trynottobeoffensive.I'mnotalwayssayingnastythingsaboutIrishmentoyou."
"No,"saidMeldon;"yourinsultsaremoredirectlypersonal.Aminuteagoyoucalledmealiar,whichismuchworsethananythingIsaidaboutEnglishmen.Besideswhichitisn'ttrue,whereaswhatI'msayingabouttheEnglishisanabsolutefact.Takeyourself,forexample.Whatwasitthatupsetyourtemperjustnowinthestudy?Wasitanoverwhelminglovefortheabstractqualityofpunctuality?IshouldhavesomerespectforyouifIthoughtitwas,butIcan'tthinkthat.Nobodywhoknowsyoucould.Youwouldn'tcareapinifeverybodyintheworldwaslateforeveryengagementtheymadeforawholeyear.Whatyoudocareaboutisyourownmiserablestomach.Ifitisn'tfilledatjustexactlytheusualmomentyougetsavage,althoughyouareusuallyafairlygood-temperedman.Thatdemonstratesthetruthof
whatIsay.Andifit'struthaboutyouafteralltheyearsyou'velivedinthiscountry,itis,ofcourse,muchmoretrueaboutthisjudge.Therefore,togetbacktowhatIwassayingaminuteago--havingfailedinmyappealtohisintellect--IfallbackupontheonevulnerablepartofhimandtryifIcaninfluencehimthroughthat."
"Dotellmewhatyou'vedone,J.J."
"I'vetoldSabinaGallagher--"
"WhoisSabinaGallagher?"
"She'sDoyle'scook.Sheis,intheopinionofthejudge,quitethe
mostimportantpersoninthewholeofBallymoy."
"Idon'texpecthereallythinksthat,"saidtheMajor,"afterseeingyou.ButwhatdidyoutellSabina?"
"Itoldherthateverythinghegottoeatwastotasteofparaffinoil.That,Ithink,oughttodrivehimoutofBallymoyintwenty-fourhours."
"It'llprobablydriveSabinaoutofherjob.Doylewillsackherto-morrowmorning."
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"No,hewon't.Hisfoodwon'ttasteofparaffin."
"Inanycaseshewon'tdoit,"saidtheMajor."Nogirlwouldbesowicked."
"Theonlythingthatwilldefeather,"saidMeldon,"willbethecaseofaboiledegg.Idon'tmyselfseehowshe'stomanageaboiledegg.Ihadtoleavethattoherownimagination.Butshe'sasmartgirl,andshemayhituponsomewayofdoingit.Inanycase,thejudgecanhardlyliveentirelyonboiledeggs.Everythingelsehegetswillhavemoreorlessparaffininit,exceptthebutter,andit'stotasteofonions.Hisbedwillbedamp,too--horriblydamp--withCondy'sFluid."
"You'llprobablykilltheoldman,"saidtheMajor.
"Idon'tthinkso.He'llleavebeforeitcomestothat.Andinanycase,Iwarnedhimthathe'dendangerhislifeifhecametoDoyle'shotel."
Thedinnerwas,forthemostpart,difficulttoeat;buttheMajor,whowasreallyanabstemiousman,succeededinsatisfyinghisappetitewithbiscuitsandcheese;atumblerofwhiskyandsodaandaglassofportfurthercheeredhim.Hisanxietywasallayed,forhedidnotbelieve
thatDoyle'scookwouldventuretopoisonajudge,evenattherequestofMeldon.Thereforehewasabletolighthispipeinthestudywithafeelingofsatisfaction.Hesettleddowninhisaccustomedchair,andtookupTheTimesagain.Thistimeheexpectedtobeabletoreadit.Beforedinnerhisirritationhadpreventedhimfromgettinganygoodevenoutoftheleadingarticles.Meldonsatdownatthewriting-tableandwrotealettertohiswife,fullofgoodadviceaboutthemanagementofthebaby.WhenhehadfinisheditherousedtheMajor.
"Itoldyou,"hesaid,"thatI'dhadadisappointingday.Idon'tthinkImentionedtoyouthatthejudge'sobstinacywasbynomeanstheworstpartofit."
"Oh!Soyouattackedsomeoneelsebesidesthejudge."
"Idon'tknowwhetherattackingisquitetherightwordtouse.IcalledinonmywayhomeatthegatelodgeofBallymoyHouse.ThatfellowCallaghanlivesthere,youknow."
"Yes.Didyouurgehimtolieinwaitforthejudgeandshootathim?"
"No;Ididn't.Callaghanhasnothingtodowiththejudgeonewayorother.Hehashisownbusinesstoattendto.IwantedtohearfromhimhowSimpkinsandMissKinghavebeengettingon."
"Imayaswelltellyou,"saidtheMajor,"thatIdon'tatallcareforthisplanofyoursofsettingservantstospyonpeople,especiallyonladies.Itdoesn'tstrikemeashonourable,andIwishyou'dstopit.WhatdidCallaghantellyou?"
"MydearMajor,yourscruplesareperfectlyridiculous.I'mnotaskingCallaghantoreporttomeMissKing'sprivateconversations,ortoreadherletters,oranythingofthatsort.ImerelywanttoknowwhetherSimpkinskissesher.There'snothingobjectionableaboutthat."
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"IshouldsaythatsupposingSimpkinsdid,andshelethim,whichisperfectlyabsurd,forMissKingisn'tthatsortatall,andit'sgrosslyinsultingtotalkofherinthatway--Besides,puttingheroutofthequestion,nowomanthateverlivedcouldbear--"
"Lotsofwomendo.It'sfarcommonerthanyouthink.Ishouldsaythathardlyadaypassesbutsomewomansomewherelets--"
"NotSimpkins.He'ssuchahorridcad."
"Whentheyaremarriedshe'llhaveto,thoughIdaresayitwillhastenSimpkins'endifhedoesittoooften--alwayssupposingthatsheagreeswithyouabouthim.Idon't,asI'vesaidseveraltimes.Ithinkhe'sadecentenoughsortofman,thoughhedoesshowanextraordinarywantofenterpriseinthisbusiness."
"Anyway,"saidtheMajor,"ifanythingofthesorthappened--whichisremotelyunlikely--"
"It'sabsolutelycertain,"saidMeldon,"evenbeforethey'remarried;repeatedly,Ishouldsay."
"Ifitdid,there'snothingMissKingwoulddislikemorethanhavingittalkedabout.Ishouldsaythatshe,oranyotherwoman,wouldbe
absolutelyfuriousatthethoughtofhergardenercreepingupbehindatreeandspyingonwhat,ifitoccursatall,oughttobedoneinthemostconfidentialway,andthengoingandreportingtoyouall--"
"Anyhow,"saidMeldon,"ithasn'thappenedyet,sofarasCallaghanknows.ThatiswhyIsaythatmydayhasbeensuchabitterdisappointment.CallaghantellsmethatthemiserablebeastSimpkinshasn'tbeenneartheplace,orevenseenher,sinceyesterday,whenwehadthembothoutintheSpindrift.Ican'timaginewhyhewon'tmakeuseofhisopportunities.Itoldhimdistinctlythathecouldn'texpecthertorunafterhim,howeveranxiousshewastomarryhim."
"Perhapshedoesn'twanttomarryher."
"Hewantstoallright,buthe'ssuchawretchedlyinefficientbeastthathewon'tturntoanddoit.I'venopatiencewiththatsortofdilly-dallying.Ishallgodownto-morrowandspeaktohimaboutitagain."
"Takecarethejudgedoesn'tcatchsightofyou."
"Idon'tmindintheleastifhedoes,"saidMeldon."Thatwon'tmatter.WhatIhavegottotakecareaboutisthathedoesn'tcatchsightofeitherMissKingorSimpkins.Idon'tknowwhetheryouquiterealise,Major,thataslongasthatjudgeisinBallymoywearelivingontheedgeofavolcano.Thesmallestsparkmightsetthethingoff
andcauseanalarmingexplosion."
"Dosparkssetoffvolcanoes?"
"That,Isuppose,isthekindofremarkthatyouconsiderclever.Asamatteroffact,itissimplyanevidenceofyourmentalsluggishness.Mythoughtshadpassedon,byaperfectlynaturaltransition,fromvolcanoestopowdermagazines,whicharethingsthatsparksdosetoff.AnyonewithevenamoderateamountofwhatImaycallmentalagilitywouldhavefollowedmewithoutanydifficulty,andrefrainedfrom
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askingyourveryfoolishquestion.Butitisdifficulttobeliteralenoughtopleaseyou.WhatIoughttohavesaid,whatIwouldhavesaidifIhadrealisedatthemomentthatIwastalkingtoyou,isthis.Wearelivingthekindoflifecomparabletothatofthepeoplewhosecottagesarebuiltroundtheedgeofthecraterofanactivevolcano,liabletoeruptatanymoment;or,tochangethemetaphor,ourpositionbearsacertainresemblancetothatofthecarelessworkmanwhosmokesapipeonthetopofabarrelofblastingpowder,andifwe'renotextremelycarefulwe'llfindourselvesscatteredaboutinlittlebits,liketheboywhostoodontheburningdeck.Haveyouanyfaulttofindwiththatwayofexpressingmythought?orwouldyouliketohaveitstillfurtheramplified?"
"WhatIsupposeyoumean,"saidtheMajor,"isthatthisjudgeofyoursmaypossiblyrecogniseMissKingasMrs.Lorimer."
"Precisely."
"Well,hewon't.Soyoucanmakeyourmindeasyaboutthat.Andifhedid--"
"Haveyouanyreasonstoadduceinsupportofyourassertion,"saidMeldon;"orareyousimplycontradictingmeforthesakeofbeingdisagreeable?"
"Ihaveonegoodreason."
"Thentrotitout.Ishallbedelightedtohearit,ifitreallyisagoodreason.Nothingappealstomemorestronglythanaconvincingargument.Butdon'twastemytimeandyourownwithsomefoolishtheorywhichwouldn'tcarryconvictiontoanaudienceofpoliticiansatanelectionmeeting."
"Mineisagoodreason,thebestpossible.Itis--"
"ItmustbeverygoodindeedifitistogetoverthefactthatMrs.Lorimer'sfeaturesareburnedintothatjudge'sbrain,owingtohis
havingbeenobligedtostareatherfortenwholedays."
"It'sthis,"saidtheMajor."Hecan'trecogniseMissKingasMrs.Lorimer,becausesheisn'tMrs.Lorimer.I'mconvincedofthat."
"I'mtrying,"saidMeldon,"tobeaspatientwithyouasIcan.Manymenwouldthrowsomethingheavyatyourheadforsayingthat.Idon't.InspiteofthefactthatIspenthoursprovingtoyoubyabsolutelyirrefragableevidencethatMissKingisMrs.Lorimer,Iamstillpreparedtolistenquietlytowhatyouhavetosay.WhatconvincesyouthatMissKingisn'tMrs.Lorimer?"
"Thewomanherself.Iknowsheisn'tamurderess.Shecan'tpossibly
be,andnoamountofevidencewillmakemethinksheis."
"You'veseenhertwice,"saidMeldon;"onceonSundayafternoonwhenshehadjustbeentochurch,andwasinachastenedandgentlemoodowingtotheeffectofmysermononher,whenthelethalsideofhercharacterwastemporarilyinabeyance.Youcouldn'tformmuchofanopinionaboutherrealcharacteratatimelikethat.Theotheroccasiononwhichyousawherwaswhenshewassea-sick,andnowomanishertrueselfwhenshe'sprofoundlyhumiliated.Yet,onthestrengthofthesetwointerviews,youareapparentlypreparedto
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contradicttheresultofacarefulinductionofmineandthelady'sownexpressstatement.Idon'tknowhowyoumanagetoworkyourselfintoaframeofmindinwhichthatispossible."
"Asamatteroffact,"saidtheMajor,"I'veseenherthreetimes."
"Twice."
"No;threetimes.Thethirdtime--"Hepaused.
"Well?"
"Ispenttheafternoonwithherto-day,"saidtheMajorsheepishly,"whileyouwereatDonardwiththejudge."
"Idon'twonder,"saidMeldon,"thatyou'reashamedofyourself.IbegintoseenowwhySimpkinshasbehavedintheextraordinarywayhehas.Iwasinclinedtoblamehimatfirst.Infact,I'mafraidIsaidratherhardthingsabouthim.IadmitnowthatIwaswrong.Simpkinscouldn'tandwouldn'tgonearherwhileyouwerethere.Itwouldhavebeennouseifhehad.Imustsay,Major,youareamostdifficultmantoworkwith.HereI'vebeensacrificingthewholeofmyshortholidaytocarryingthroughadifficultnegotiationforyourbenefit,andallyoudoistobalkmeateveryturn,toflingobstaclesinmyway,to
fouleveryropeI'mtryingtogetapullon.HowcanImarrySimpkinstoMissKingifyouwon'tlethimgonearher?"
"Shewon'tmarryhim,J.J.;soyoumayputtheideaoutofyourheadonceforall.Shedoesn'tlikehim."
"Isuppose,"saidMeldon,"thatyouspenttheafternooncrabbinghim;sayingalltheevilyoucouldthinkofabouthim.Butyou'vewastedyourtime.MissKing'sviewsofmarriageareentirelyunconventional.Shedoesn'tmarryherhusbandswiththeintentionoflivingwiththem.Thelessshelikesamanthemorewillingsheistomarryhim,becauseshe'llfeellesscompunctionafterwardsifshethoroughlydetestsherhusbandtostartwith."
"Shewon'tmarrySimpkins,anyhow,"saidtheMajorobstinately.
"Didshetellyouso?"
"Notinplainwords.Igatheredthatshewouldn'tfromthewayshespokeofhim."
"You'vegathered,asyoucallit,somanyentirelywrongthingsfromthewayMissKingspeaks,thatyoucanplaceabsolutelynorelianceonthisimpressionofyours.Yougathered,forinstance,thatsheisn'tMrs.Lorimer."
"Idid."
"Andyouarewrongaboutthat,sothechancesarethatyou'rewrongaboutthistoo.IseenoreasontoaltermyopinionthatshewillmarryandafterwardskillSimpkinsassoonasevershegetsthechance."
CHAPTERXVI.
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MajorKent,whowasatheartaverykindlyman,andhadbesidesagenuineaffectionforMeldon,repentedduringthenightofhisfitofbadtemper.Hewassorrythathehadgrumbledaboutthespoilingofhisdinner.WhilehewasshavinginthemorninghemadeuphismindtoenterassympatheticallyaspossibleintoMeldon'splans,whatevertheymightbe.
"Whatareyouthinkingofdoingwithyourselfto-day?"heaskedatbreakfast."IfyouwanttogointoBallymoytoragthatjudgeagainIcanletyouhavethecob."
"Thanks,"saidMeldon,"butIthinkthejudgemaybeleftaloneforthepresent.Thewisestlineformetotakeinthiscaseistoallowtheparaffinoiltosoakin.Ihardlythinkitwillbenecessaryformetoseehimagain.He'llprobablyleavebythemid-daytrain.Thefactis,I'mthinkingoftakingahalf-holiday."
"Do,"saidtheMajor."Afterwhatyouwentthroughyesterdayyoumustwant--"
"No,Idon't.AndI'mnotthekindofmanwhopretendsthathetakesholidaysbecausehefindsthemnecessaryforhishealth.ItakethemsimplybecauseIenjoythem."
"Wemight,"saidtheMajor,"haveadayintheSpindrift."
"Isaidahalf-holiday,"saidMeldon."IntheafternoonImustgoinandexplaintoSimpkinsthatyoudon'treallymeananythingbyyourratherpronouncedattentionstoMissKing."
TheMajorsighed.HehadnodoubtthatMeldonwoulddoexactlyashesaid,andheforesawfreshcomplicationsofamostembarrassingkind.Still,ahalf-holidaywassomethingtobethankfulfor.
"Wemight,"hesaid,"haveasailinthemorningandcomebackforlunch."
"No,"saidMeldon,"wecan'tdothat.There'snotabreathofwind.But,withoutactualsailing,wemightspendapleasantandrestfulmorningonboardtheyacht."
"Doyoumeansimplytositondeckwhileshe'satanchor?"
"Irathercontemplatedlyingdown,"saidMeldon,"withmyheadonalife-buoy."
"Idon'tthinkI'dcareforthat.Itstrikesmeasratherwasteoftime."
"Itwouldbeforyou,Major,andIdon'tadviseyoutodoit.Mytimewon'tbewasted,forIshalluseitprofitably.Ishalltakeaquantityoftobaccoandatinofbiscuits.Youcanletmehavesomebiscuits,Isuppose?"
"Certainly.Andyou'llfindabottleofbeeronboard,whichSimpkinscouldn'tdrinkatluncheontheotherday,butImustsaythat,ifthat'syourideaofaprofitableuseofyourtime--"
"Itisn't.Thetobaccoandthebiscuitsaremereaccessories.WhatI
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reallymeantodevotemymorningtoismeditation.Oneofthegreatestmistakeswemakenowadaysisnotgivingsufficienttimetoquietthought.Wegohustlingalongthroughlifedoingthingswhichoughtnottobedoneinahurry,andwhenphysicalexhaustionforcesustopauseforamoment,werunoureyesoverprintedmatterofsomekind--newspapers,magazines,orbooks--andnevergiveasinglehourfromoneyear'sendtoanothertomeditation."
"Whatdoyouintendtomeditateabout,J.J.?ThatGermanphilosopherofyours,Isuppose."
"Ihaven'tsettledthatyet,"saidMeldon."Ifthere'sanyaffairofyours,eitherpractical,oranintellectualdifficulty,whichyouwanttohavecarefullythoughtout,nowisyourtime.I'lldevotemyselftoitwithpleasure."
"Thanks,"saidtheMajor,"butthereisn't."
"Areyouquitesure?Achancelikethisdoesn'toccureveryday."
"Quitesure;thanks."
"InthatcaseIshallfirstofallmeditateonSimpkins,MissKing,andthejudge.Sayanhourandahalfforthem.ThenIshallconsiderthe
subjectofmylittledaughter'seducation.Nowthatthevariousprofessionsareopeningtheirdoorstowomen,it'smostimportanttohaveareasonedoutschemeofeducationforagirl,andyoucan'tgetatittoosoon.Thesetwosubjects,Ithink,willmakeatolerablycompleteprogrammeforthemorning.Ifyouringabelloutsidethedooratoneo'clock,Ishallrowintoluncheon.Ishallbeprettyhungrybythattime,Iexpect,inspiteofthebiscuits."
Meldoncarriedouthisplansuccessfullyforthefirstpartofthemorning.Hearrangedthebiscuits,histobaccopouch,andaboxofmatchesinconvenientplaces;laiddownalife-buoyasapillow,andstretchedhimselfatfulllengthonthedeck.Afteratimeheshuthiseyes,sothatnoinsistentvisionoftheSpindrift'sriggingshould
interrupttheworkingofhisthought.Athalf-pastelevenhewashailedfromtheshore.Heraisedhimselfslightly,and,leaningonhiselbow,lookedoverthegunwaleoftheyacht.MajorKentstoodonthebeach.
"Anythingwrong?"shoutedMeldon.
"No.Nothing,exceptthatDoyleisupatthehousewantingtoseeyou,andheseemstobeinanuncommonlybadtemper."
"I'mnotgoingtodragmyselfallthewayuptothehousetogratifysomewhimofDoyle's.Ifhethinkshehasagrievance,lethimcomedowntotheshoreandI'llpacifyhim."
"Verywell,"saidtheMajor."I'llbringhim.Yourowashoreandbereadywhenhecomes."
"Ishalldonothingofthesort.Icanshoutathimfromhere.Hecan'tpossiblyhaveanybusinessofaconfidentialkind.Hemerelywantstobesootheddownaboutsometrifle,andthatcanbedonejustaswellfromadistance."
AquarterofanhourlaterMajorKenthailedMeldonagain;thistimehe
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hadDoylewithhimontheshore.Meldonsatuponhislife-buoy,andleanedbothelbowsontheboom.
"That'sright,Major,"heshouted."You'vebroughthimdown.Juststaywhereyouare.Iwon'tkeepyoulong.Nowthen,Doyle!Iunderstandthatyouareinanabominablybadtemperaboutsomething,andhavecomedownherewiththeintentionofworkingitoffonme.ImaytellyouthatIdon'tatallcareforbeinginterruptedwhileI'mmeditating;andasageneralruleIsimplyrefusetodoanybusinessuntilI'vefinished.However,asyou'reanoldfriend,I'mmakinganexceptioninyourcase.CanyouhearwhatIsay?"
"Icannot,"shoutedDoyle,"nornobodycould."
"Youcan,"saidMeldon."Ifyoucouldn't,howdidyouanswerme?"
"Wecan't,"saidtheMajor,shakinghisheadvigorously.
Meldonpulledthepuntalongsidetheyacht,gotintoherandrowedtowardstheshore.Whenhewaswithinabouttenyardsofit,heswungthepuntroundandrestedonhisoarsfacingDoyleandMajorKent.
"Now,"hesaid,"trotoutyourgrievance;butspeakbrieflyandtothepoint.Ican'tandwon'thavemymorningwasted.Ifyoumeanderin
yourstatements,Ishallsimplyrowbackagaintotheyachtandleaveyouthere."
"It'sacuriousthing,"saidDoyle,"thatagentlemanlikeyouwouldfindapleasureinpreventingapoormanfromearninghisliving."
Hespoketruculently.Hewasevidentlyveryangryindeed.
"Don't,"saidMeldon,"wanderoffintogeneralitiesandsillyspeculationsaboutthingswhicharen'tfacts.Sofarfromtakingapleasureinpreventingpoormenfromliving,I'malwaysparticularlyanxioustohelpthemwhenIcan."
"Youdidn'thelpmethenwithyourdamnedtricks,thelikeofwhichnogentlemanoughttoplay."
"Ifyourefertoyourselfasapoorman,"saidMeldon,"you'resimplytellingalie.You'rerich,nobodyknowshowrich,butrichenoughtobuyupeveryothermaninthetownofBallymoy."
"AndifIwasitself,isthatanyreasonwhythemthatwouldbestayinginmyhotelshouldbehuntedoutofit?"
"AreyoutalkingaboutSirGilbertHawkesby?"
"Iam,"saidDoyle."WhoelsewouldIhaveinmymind?"
"Andishegone?"
"Heisnotgoneyet?buthe'sgoingwithoutsomethingwouldbedonetostophim."
"I'mgladtohearit.Ihardlyhopeditwouldhavehappenedsosoon.Itoldyou,Major,thatIwasappealingtohimintherightway."
"It'salossofthreepoundsaweektome,"saidDoyle,"without
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reckoningwhathemighttaketodrink.I'llbeexpectingyoutomakethatgoodtome--youandtheMajorbetweenyou."
"Itwasthecookingdidit,Isuppose,"saidMeldon.
"Thatandthestatehisbedwasin,"saidDoyle."Itwascloseoneleveno'clocklastnight,andIwassittingsmokingquietandeasyalongwiththedoctor,whentherecameanoiselikeasifsomeonewouldberingingabell,andhiminahurry.Itwasthedoctordrewmyattentiontoitfirst;butItoldhimhe'dbettersitwherehewas,foritwasSabina'sbusinesstogouptoanyonethatwouldringabell.Well,theringingwentonterriblestrong,formaybetenminutes,and--"
"Sabinafunkedit,Isuppose,"saidMeldon.
"Shedidbeindread,"saidDoyle,"onaccountofthewaythebellwasgoing,notknowingwhattheremightbeattheotherendofit.That'swhatshesaidanyway,andIbelieveher.Thedoctorspoketoher,encouragingher,thewayshe'dgoandseewhateveritmightbe,andwe'dbeatpeaceagain.Butforallhesaidtohershewouldn'tmoveaninch.ThenItoldthedoctorthatmaybehe'dbettergohimself,foritcouldbethatthegentlemanwasill.'It'shardlyever,'Isaid,'thatamanwouldringabellthewaythatone'sbeingrungwithoutthere'dbesomekindofasicknessonhim.It'llbeapoundintoyour
pocket,doctor,andmaybemore,'Isaid,'ifyougetathimatoncebeforethepainleaveshim.'"
"IshouldthinkO'Donoghuejumpedatthat,"saidMeldon.
"Hedidnotthen,buthesattherelookingkindoffrightened,thesameasSabinadid;likeasiftheremightbesomethingthatthejudgewouldwanttobeblamingonhim.AtthelatterendIhadtogomyself.Itwasinhisbedroomhewas,anddevilsuchastateeveryousawashehadtheplacein.Thesheetsandtheblanketswasoffthebed,scatteredhereandthereaboutthefloor,andthepillowalongwiththem.Itwaslikeasifthey'dbeenholdingameetingabouttheland,andthepolicewereafterinterferingwithit,suchascatterationas
therewas.Ihadn'tthedoorhardlyopenedbeforehewasatme.'Youdetestablevillain,'sayshe,'whatdoyoumeanbyaskingmetosleepinabedlikethat?Isn'titenoughforyoutohavemenearpoisonedwithparaffinoilwithout--''Ifthere'shellraisedonthebed,'saidI,'andIdon'tdenybutthereis,it'syourselfrizit.Thebedwasniceenoughbeforeyoustartedonit.Ihadthesheetsdampedwiththestuffthedoctorgiveme--'"
"Didyousaythat?"askedMeldon,pushingthepuntalittlenearertotheshore.
"Idid,andifhewasmadbeforehewasmadderafter.Iofferedtofetchthedoctoruptohim,buthewouldn'tlistentoawordIsaid.
Itwastwelveo'clockandmorebeforeIgothimquieteneddown,andIwouldn'tsayhewaswhatyou'dcallproperlypacifiedthen.HewasgrowlinglikeadogwouldwhenIlefthim,andsayinghe'dhaveitoutwithmeinthemorning."
"Idaresay,"saidMeldon,"hewasworseafterhegothisbreakfast."
"Hewas,"saidDoyle."ItwasSabinahegotaholdofthen;for,thanksbetoGod,Iwasoutintheyardseeingafterthecarthatwastodrivehimuptotheliver.Hewentdownintothekitchenafter
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Sabina,andheaskedherwhatthedevilshemeantbyupsettingonelampoverhisdinnerandanotheroverhisbreakfast.Sabinaupandtoldhimstraighttohisfacethatitwasyoudoneit."
"Whataliarthatgirlis!"saidMeldon.
"J.J."saidtheMajor,"didyoudoit?"
"No.Ididn't.HowcouldIpossiblyhavebeenupsettinglampsinDoyle'shotelwhenIwassittinginyourhousetalkingtoyou?Don'tloseyourhead,Major."
"Sabinatoldmeafter,"saidDoyle,"thatitwasbyyourordersshedidit."
"That'smorelikethetruth,"saidMeldon."Ifshe'dconfinedherselftothatstatementwhenshewastalkingtothejudge,Ishouldn'thavecomplained.Ididn'texactlytellherthatshewastoupsetthelamp,butIdidsaythatshewastoflavoureverythingthejudgegottoeatwithparaffinoil."
"It'saqueerthingthatyou'ddothelike,"saidDoyle,"knowingwellallthetimethatnomanwouldstaywherehecouldn'tgetabitetoeat,andthatI'dbelosingthreepoundsaweekbyhisgoing."
"Ifyouunderstoodthecircumstancesthoroughly,"saidMeldon,"youwouldjoyfullysacrificenotonlythreepounds,butifnecessarythirtypounds,aweektogetridofthatjudge."
"Iwouldnot,"saidDoyleconfidently."Iwouldn'tturnawayanymanthatwaspayingme,notifhewasdownherewithordersfromtheGovernmenttoputmeinjailonaccountofsomemeetingthattheLeaguewouldbehaving."
"Doyouordoyounot,"saidMeldon,"wanttogetridofSimpkins?"
"Ido,ofcourse.Sure,everybodydoes."
"Verywell.InordertosecurethedeathofSimpkinsitwasnecessarytohuntawaythatjudge.Ican'texplainthewholeins-and-outsofthebusinesstoyou.It'srathercomplicated,andIdoubtifyou'dunderstandit.Inanycase,Ican'tgointoitwithoutbetrayingalady'sconfidence,andthat'sathingIneverdo.Butyoumaytakemywordforitthatit'sabsolutelynecessarytoremovethejudgeifyouaretohavethepleasureofburyingSimpkins.Ifyoudon'tbelievewhatIsayasktheMajor.Heknowsallaboutit."
"No;Idon't,"saidMajorKent.
"Youdo,"saidMeldon."What'stheuseofdenyingitwhenItoldyou
thewholeplanmyself?"
"Anyway,"saidtheMajor,"Iwon'tbedraggedintoit.I'venothingwhatevertodowithit,andI'vealwaysdisapprovedofitfromthestart.YouandDoylemustsettleitbetweenyouwithoutappealingtome."
"Youcanseefromthewayhespeaks,"saidMeldontoDoyle,"thatheknowsjustaswellasIdothatwemustgetthejudgeoutofBallymoy."
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"OutofBallymoy?"saidDoyle.
"Yes,"saidMeldon,"clearawayfromtheplacealtogether.BacktoEnglandifpossible."
"Well,then,he'snotgone,"saidDoyle."Soifit'sthatyouwantyou'reasbadlyoffthisminuteasIammyself.He'snotgone,andwhat'smorehewon'tgo."
"Youtoldmethisminutethathewasgone.Whatonearthdoyoumeanbycominguphereandpouringoutlamentationsingallonsaboutthelossofyourthreepoundsaweekifhehasn'tgone?Whatdoyoumeanbyrepresentingtomethatthejudgeusedbadlanguageabouthisfoodifhedidn't?Idon'tseewhatyou'reat,Doyle;and,tobequitecandid,Idon'tthinkyouknowyourself.Gohomeandthinkthewholebusinessover,andI'llseeyouaboutitintheafternoon."
"EverywordItoldyouisthetruth."
"Eitherthejudgeisgone,"saidMeldon,"orheisn'tgone.Whatdoyoumean?"
"WhatIsaidwas,thatheisn'tgoneyetbuthe'sgoing,withoutsomething'sdonetostophim."
"That'sthesamething,"saidMeldon,"fornothingwillbedone."
"Buthe'llnotgofromBallymoy?Whywouldhewhenhehasthefishingtook?"
"He'llhavetogooutofBallymoyifheleavesyourhotel.Hemaythinkhe'llgetlodgingssomewhereelse,buthewon't.Orhemayexpecttofindsomeotherhotel,butthereisn'tone.Ifhehasleftyouit'sthesamethingasleavingBallymoy."
"Itisnot,"saidDoyle,"andI'lltellyouwhyit'snot."
"Hasheatentwithhim?"saidMeldon."Hedoesn'tlooklikeamanwhowouldcareforcampingout,butofcoursehemighttryit."
"HehasnotentthatIseen,"saidDoyle."ButI'lltellyouwhathappened.Assoonaseverhe'dfinishedcursingSabinahesaidthecarwastocomeround,becausehewasgoingoffout.Well,itcame;forIwasintheyardmyself,asItoldyouthisminute,andIseentoitthatitcameroundindoublequicktime,hopingthatmaybeI'dpacifyhimthatway."
"Withmycushionsonit?"saidtheMajor.
"Hetooknonoticeofthecushions.Inthetemperhewasinatthe
timehewouldn'thavesaidacivilwordifyou'dsethimdownoncushionsstuffedfullofgoldensovereigns.Hejusttookalepontothecar--Iwaswatchinghimfromroundthecorneroftheyardgatetoseehowhewouldconducthimself--and--"
"Waitaminute,"saidMeldon."Hadhehisluggagewithhim?"
"Hehadnot."
"Wellthenhecan'thavebeengoingtothetrain."
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"Hewasnot.But--"
"Hadhehisrod?"
"Hehadnot.But--"
"He'dhardlyhavegonefishingwithouthisrod,howeverbadhistemperwas.Iwondernowwhereonearthhedidgo."
"It'swhatI'mtryingtotellyou,"saidDoyle,"ifyou'dletmespeak."
"Ifyouknowwherehewent,"saidMeldon,"saysoatonce.What'stheuseofleavingmetowastetimeandenergytryingtodiscoverbyinductivereasoningathingthatyouknowperfectlywellallthetime?"
"It'swhatI'mtryingtodoistotellyou."
"Stoptryingthen,"saidMeldon,"anddoit."
"Hetookaleponthecar,"saidDoyle,"thesameasitmightbeamanthatwasinamightyhurrytobeoff,andsayshetothedriver,'IsthereaplaceherecalledBallymoyHouse?''Thereis,ofcourse,'saidPatsyFlaherty,foritwashimthatwasdrivingthecar."
"BallymoyHouse!"saidMeldon."Nonsense.Hecouldn'thaveaskedforBallymoyHouse."
"It'swhathesaid.Andwhat'smore:'IsittherethatayoungladystopsbythenameofMissKing?'saidhe.'Itis,'saidPatsyFlaherty,'andafineyoungladysheis,thanksbetoGod.''Thendrivethere,'sayshe,'asfastaseveryoucango,andifyouhavesuchathingasabottleofparaffinoilinthewellofthecar,'sayshe,'throwitoutbeforeyoustart.'Well,ofcourse,therewasnooilinthecar.Whywouldthere?"
"IfMr.MeldonhadseenPatsyFlahertylastnight,"saidtheMajor,
"thereprobablywouldhavebeen."
"Doyoumeantosay,"saidMeldon,"thathedrovestraightofftoseeMissKing?"
"It'swherehetoldthedrivertogo,anyway,"saidDoyle,"andit'stherehewentwithouthechangedhismindontheway.WhatIwasthinkingwasthatmaybehe'sacquaintedwithMissKing."
"Heis,"saidMeldon."Iknowthat.Idon'tbelievethathe'severspokentoherexceptinpublic,buthecertainlyknowswhosheis."
"WhatI'mthinking,"saidDoyle,"isthatheintendedaskingifhe
mightgouptothebighouseandstaytherealongwithherforsuchtimeashemightbeinBallymoy."
"Hecan'thavedonethat,"saidMeldon."TherearereasonswhichtheMajorunderstands,thoughyoudon't,whichrenderthatideaquiteimpossible.Speakingonthespurofthemoment,andwithoutthinkingthematteroutthoroughly,IaminclinedtosupposethatheconnectsMissKingwiththeconditionofhisbedlastnightandthepersistentflavourofparaffinoilinhisfood.He'sprobablygoneuptospeaktoheraboutthat."
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"Hecouldn't,"saidDoyle,"forSabinaGallaghertoldhimitwasyou."
"Hewouldn'tbelieveSabina,"saidMeldon,"andhehaseveryreasontosuspectMissKingofwantingtoscoreoffhim.IthinkImaytellyou,Doyle,withoutanybreachofconfidence,thatMissKinghasastoneuphersleevetothrowatthatjudge.Hetriedtodoherabadturnsomeweeksago,andshe'sjustthewomantoresentit."
"Buttheyoungladywasneverintheinsideofmyhouse,andneverseteyesonSabina.Howcoulditbethatshe--"
"Iknowwhatyou'regoingtosay,"saidMeldon."Shecouldn'thavehadanythingtodowiththeCondy'sFluidortheparaffinoil.That'strue,ofcourse.Butmypointisthatthejudge,puzzledbyanextraordinarycombinationofcircumstances,alltendingtomakehimuncomfortable,wouldnaturallythinkMissKingwasatthebottomofthem.TheonethingIdon'tquiteunderstandishowhecametoknowshewasinBallymoy.I'llfindthatoutlateron.InthemeanwhileIthinkI'dbettergointoBallymoyafterall.It'sanuisance,forIwasextremelycomfortableontheyacht,butIcan'tleavethingsinthemuddlethey'reinnow,andthere'snobodyelseabouttheplaceIcouldtrusttoclearthemup."
CHAPTERXVII.
"YoumayaswelldrivemeintoBallymoy,Doyle,"saidMeldon,astheywalkeduptogetherfromtheshore."You'veyourtrapwithyou,Isuppose?"
"Ihave,andI'lldriveyouofcourse,butI'llbeexpectingthatyou'lldosomethingwhenwegettherethewaythejudgewon'tbeleavingthehotelaltogether."
"Youmayputthatoutofyourheadatonce,"saidMeldon,"forI'lldonothingofthesort.I'vealreadyexplainedtoyouatsomelengththatmychiefobjectatpresentistochaseawaythejudge,notonlyfromyourhotelbutfromBallymoy."
Doylerelapsedintoasulkysilence.HedidnotspeakagainuntilheandMeldonwerehalfwayintoBallymoy.Thenhebrokeoutsuddenly.
"Anyway,"hesaid,"SabinaGallagherwon'tspendanothernightundermyroof.She'llbeoffbacktohermotherassoonasevershecangetherclothespacked.I'llgiveheralessonthatwillcureherofplayingofftricksonthegentlementhatstopsinmyhotel."
"IfyoutakethatkindofrevengeonSabina,"saidMeldon,"youwillbedoinganactofgrossinjusticeforwhichyouwillbesorryuptothedayofyourdeath."
"Iwillnot,butI'llbeservingheroutthewayshedeserves."
"Shehasbeenactingallthrough,"saidMeldon,"inyourinterests,thoughyoucan'tseeit;andyou'llmakeakindofdogGelertofherifyousackhernow.YouknowallaboutthedogGelert,Isuppose,Doyle?"
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"Idonot,"saidDoyle,"andwhat'smoreIdon'tcareiftherewasfiftydogsinit.Sabina'llgo.Dogs!WhathasdogsgottodowithSabinaandmyself?It'snotdogsI'mthinkingofnow."
"Youevidentlydon'tknowanythingaboutthedogI'mspeakingof,"saidMeldon."HebelongedtoaWelshkingwhosenameatthismomentIforget.Thekingalsohappenedtohaveababywhichslept,asmanybabiesdo,inacradle.You'relisteningtome,Isuppose,Doyle?"
"Iamnot,"saidDoyle."It'slittlegoodI,oranyotherbody,wouldgetbylisteningtoyou.SabinaGallagherlistenedtoyou,andlookatthewaysheisnow.It'smybeliefthatthelessanybodylistenstoyouthebetteroffhe'llbe."
"Allthesame,Iexpectyouarelistening,"saidMeldon."Inanycase,asI'mspeakingdistinctly,andyoucan'tgetaway,you'reboundtohear,soI'llgoonwiththestory.Onedaythekingcameinandfoundthedogclosetothecradlewithhismouthallcoveredwithblood.Heleapedtotheconclusionthathe'deatenthebaby."
"Hewasadamnedfoolifhethoughtthat,"saidDoyle."Whoeverheardofadogeatingababy?"
"Youarelisteningtome,"saidMeldon."Ithoughtyouwouldwhenthe
storybegantogetinteresting.Andyou'reperfectlyright.Thekingwasafool.Hewassuchafoolthathekilledthedog.Afterwardsitturnedoutthatthedoghadreallybeenbehavinginthemostnoblewaypossible--had,infact,beenfightingawolfwhichwantedtoeatthebaby.Thenthekingwassorry,frightfullysorry,becausehesawthatthroughhisownhastyandill-consideredactionhehadkilledhisbestfriend,afriendwhoallalonghadbeenactinginhisinterests.Youseethepointofthatstory,don'tyou?You'llbeexactlyinthepositionoftheking,andyou'llsufferendlessremorsejustashedidifyougoandsackSabina."
Doylemeditatedonthestory.Itproducedacertaineffectonhismind,forhesaid,--
"Ifsobeitwasn'tSabinathatputtheparaffinoilintothejudge'sdinner,butsomeotheronecominginunbeknowntoher,andSabinamaybedoingherbesttostopit,thenofcoursetherewouldn'tbeanotherwordsaidaboutit;thoughassoonaseverIfoundoutwhoitwas--"
"Youmustn'tpushtheparabletothoseextremes,"saidMeldon."Noparablewouldstandit.Sabinadidpourintheparaffinoil.I'mnotpretendingthatawolforanyanimalofthatsortcameinandmeddledwiththejudge'sfood.I'mmerelytryingtoexplaintoyouthatlateron,whenyouunderstandallthecircumstances,you'llfindyourselftearingoutyourhair,andrubbingsack-clothandashesintoyourskin,justasthekingdidwhenherealisedwhathehaddoneinthecaseof
thedogGelert.AswellasIrecollectthepoormannevergotoverit."
"Dogsornodogs,"saidDoyle,"SabinaGallagherwillhavethewagesduetoherpaid,andthenoffwithheroutofmyhouse.ForconductthelikeofhersiswhatIwon'tstand,andwhatnobodyinahotelwouldstand."
"Verywell,"saidMeldon;"I'vetoldyouwhattheconsequencesofyouractionwillbe.Ifyouchoosetofacethemyoucan.I'vedonemybesttosaveyou.Butyouareevidentlybentongoingyourownway.I
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daresayyoumaybequiterightinsupposingthatyouwon'tsuffermuch,evenwhenyoufindoutthatyouhavecommittedagrossinjustice.Afterall,itrequiresamantohavesomesortofaconsciencetosufferinthatsortofway,andyouapparentlyhavenone.Butthere'sanotherconsiderationaltogetherthatI'dliketobringunderyournotice.I'vehadsometalkwithSabinaduringthelastfewdays,andI'vecometotheconclusionthatshe'sayoungwomanwithatalentforcookingofaveryrareandhighkind.There'snothingthatgirlcouldn'tdoifshegotalittleencouragement.Giveherthesmallesthintandsheactsonitatonce."
"IwishtoGodthen,"saidDoyle,"thatyou'dheldofffromgivingherhints,asyoucallit.OnlyforyouIdon'tbelieveshe'deverhavethought--"
"I'mnotspeakingnowoftheparaffinoilbusiness.Youmustn'tallowthattobecomeanobsessionwithyou,Doyle.Thereareotherthingsintheworldbesidesthatjudge'smeals.Asithappens,IwasgivingSabinaashortlectureontheartofcookerysomedaysbeforeIheardofthejudge'sarrival.Iwasspeakingtoherabouttheadvisabilityofknockingtogetheranoccasionalomeletteforyou,oranicelittlesavourymadeofolivesandhard-boiledeggs.Ifoundherunusuallyreceptive,andquitepreparedtofollowuptheideasIputbeforeher.Therewasjustonethingstoodinherway--"
"Who'deatthelikeofthemthings?"saidDoyle.
"Youwould,"saidMeldon,"ifyougotthem.Butyouwon't,notfromSabinaGallagher,becauseyou'redeterminedtosackher.Andnotfromanyothercookaslongasyoupaytheperfectlymiserablewagesyoudoatpresent.Youcan'texpectfirst-rateresultswhenyousweatyouremployees.That'sawell-knownmaximineverybusiness,andthesooneryougetitintoyourheadthebetter.YousetyourselfuphereinBallymoyasasortofpioneerofeverykindofprogress.You'rethepresidentofasmanyleaguesandthingsaswouldsinkalargeboat.Thereisn'thardlyaweekintheyearbutyoumakeaspeechofsomesort.Ah!hereweareatthehotel.Remindmesometimeagainto
finishwhatIwassayingtoyou.Imustfindoutnowwhathashappenedtothejudge."
Heleapedoutofthetrapandwalkedstraightthroughthehoteltothekitchen.HefoundSabinathere.
"Goodmorning,SabinaGallagher,"hesaid."IhearyoudidexactlyasItoldyou.You'reagoodgirl,Mr.Doyleisangryjustatpresent,andyou'dbetterkeepoutofhisway."
"He'llhuntme,"saidSabina.
"Hewillnot,"saidMeldon."Ifyouhavethesensetokeepoutofhis
wayuntilhehascooleddownabit,andcookhimdecentdinnersinthemeanwhile.I'vespokentohimverystronglyaboutyou,andIdon'tthinkhe'lldaretopushmatterstoextremities,althoughhemaygrumbleabit.Ifhecatchesyou,andyoufindhistemperparticularlybad,justmentionthedogGelerttohim.Itoldhimthestorythismorninganditproducedagreatimpressiononhismind."
"He'llhuntme,"saidSabinatearfully."WhateverdogImighttalktohimabouthe'llhuntme."
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"Ifhedoes,"saidMeldon,"I'llengageyoumyself.We'llbewantingagirlassoonaseverwegohome,tolookafterthebabyabitanddothecookingandwashing,andkeepthewholeplacecleangenerally.You'dliketocomeandliveinthehousewithme,wouldn'tyou,Sabina?"
"I'mnotsurewouldI."
"Youwould.There'snodoubtaboutit.Butweneednotdiscussthatyet,forIdon'texpectMr.Doylewillsackyou.WhatIreallywanttotalktoyouaboutisthatjudge.Whereisthejudge?"
"He'sgone,"saidSabina.
"Iknowthat,"saidMeldon."Buthe'llcomebackallright.Hemustcomebackforhisluggage."
"Hewillnotthen.It'snotanhouragosincePatsyFlaherty,thesamethatdoesbedrivingthecar,cameinandsaidhehadorderstotakealltheluggagetherewasandthefishing-rods,andtherestofwhatevertheremightbeintheplacebelongingtothegentleman."
"Hewasnottakingthemtothetrain,Isuppose?"
"Hewasnotthen,butuptoBallymoyHouse."
"Nonsense!Hecouldn'tpossiblyhavebeentakingthemuptoBallymoyHouse."
"It'swhathesaidanyway,forIaskedhim.Andhetoldmethatthegentlemanhaditmadeupwiththeyoungladythatdoesbestoppingtherebeyond,thewayhe'dgoandlivewithher."
"This,"saidMeldon,"isperfectlymonstrous.Imustgoandseeaboutitatonce.HehasevidentlybeenbullyingthatunfortunateMissKing,coercingherwiththreatsuntilshehasagreedtoboardandlodgehim.Ican'thavethatsortofthinggoingonundermyveryeyes.You'llexcuseme,Sabina,ifIrunawayfromyou.It'sabsolutelynecessary
thatIshouldgouptoBallymoyHouseatonce.I'llborrowMr.Doyle'sbicycleagain."
Hewentoutthroughthebackdoorintotheyard,andfoundDoylestablinghispony.
"Isuppose,"hesaid,"thatIcanhaveyourbicycleagain.AffairshavetakenaturnwhichI'mboundtosayIdidnotforesee.Ihavetogetatthatjudgeassoonaspossible.Heseemstohavebeenill-treatingMissKing.Iexpectedthathe'dgoforheroverthatparaffinoilaffair,but--"
"Amn'tItellingyou,"saidDoyle,"thatshe'dneitheractnorpart--"
"Iknowthat;butthejudgethinksshehad,andhe's--You'dhardlybelieveit,Doyle,buthe'shadtheunparalleledinsolencetogoandquarterhimselfonherinBallymoyHouse."
"It'swhatIsaidhe'ddo,"saidDoyle,"andI'mnotsurprised."
"IfyouunderstoodthepeculiaranddelicaterelationswhichexistbetweenthatjudgeandMissKing--butofcourseyoudon't,andI,unfortunately,can'texplainthemtoyou.Ifyoudid,you'dseeat
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oncethatthejudgemustsimplyhaveforcedhimselfonMissKing,using,Ihavenodoubt,themostunchivalrousanddespicablethreatstoachievehisend.Consideringthathe'sgettinghisboardandlodgingoutofherhemightverywellbeprosecutedforblackmail.Justconceivetoyourself,Doyle--ButIcan'ttalkaboutit.Where'sthebicycle?"
"YoutookitoutwithyoutoPortsmouthLodgelastnight,"saidDoyle,"andsofarasIknowyoudidn'tbringitbackagain.Butthere'sanoldoneinthestablebelongingtoPatsyFlaherty,andyoucantakethatifyoulike."
"Itcan'tbeworsethanyours,"saidMeldon,"withthatloosepedal.Justyouwheelitroundtothedoorforme,andpumpupthetyresiftheywantit.There'ssomethingIforgottoaskSabina.I'llgothroughthekitchen,andmeetyoubythetimeyouhavethemachineready."
Hedartedintothekitchen,leavingDoyletotieuphisponyandpumpthebicycle.
"Isthatyouback?"saidSabina."Ithoughtyouweregone.Didn'tyoutellmetherewasahurryonyou?"
"I'mjustgoing,"saidMeldon;"butbeforeIstartIwanttoaskyouhowyoumanagedtheboiledegg.Isupposethejudgehadaboiledeggforbreakfast.Didyouputparaffinintoit?"
"Idid."
"How?I'mmostanxioustoknowhowitwasdone."
"It'swhatthegentlemanaskedmehimself,"saidSabina,"andItoldhimthetruth."
"Thentellittome."
"I'mnotsurewillI.Thegentlemanwasterribleupsetwhenheheardit,worsethanyou'dthink;forhehadtheeggate."
"Therecan'thavebeenmuchparaffininit,then."
"Therewasnot;buttherewassome."
"Andhowdidyougetitthere?"
"ItwaswithahairpinIdidit."
"Doyoumeantosaythatyoutookahairpinoutofyourhead,and--"
"Idid,ofcourse.WhereelsewouldIgetone?"
"Anddippeditinparaffin,andthenstuckitthroughtheegg.IdeclareIcouldfinditinmyhearttobesorryforthatjudge.Onlythathedeservesallthathe'sgotonaccountofthewayhehasbehavedtoMissKing,I'dgoandapologisetohim.You'reasmartgirl,Sabina.Ialwayssaidyouwere,andnowyou'veprovedthatIwasperfectlyrightinmyestimateofyourabilities.Good-byeagain.ThistimeIreallymustbeoff."
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HeseizedSabina'shand,andgreatlytohersurpriseshookitheartily.Thenheleftthekitchenandslammedthedoorbehindhim.DoylewaswaitingforhimwithPatsyFlaherty'sbicycle.Meldonjumpedonitandrodeoff,ringinghisbellashewentalongthestreet.Doylewatchedhimdisappear,andthenturnedandwalkedintothekitchen.Sabina,forgetfulofhiswrathandherownthreatenedfate,brokeoutwhenshesawhim.
"Wellnow,didanyoneeverseethelike?Many'sthequeeroneI'vecomeacrosssinceIenteredthishouse,butnevertheequalofhimforgoingson.Anybodywouldthinkhewas--"
"It'snotdrink,"saidDoyle."Nobodyeversawthesignofitonhim."
Hewasangry,angrywithSabinaGallagher,andperhapsmoreangrywithMeldon;buthehadasenseofjustice,andwasloyaltothemanwhohadoncebeenhisfriend.HethoughtthatSabinawasgoingtomakeanaccusationwhichmightbenaturalenough,butwascertainlyfalse.Asamatteroffact,shehadnotmeanttosayanythingofthesort,anddisclaimedthesuggestionhotly.
"Iwasn'tsayingitwasdrink.Iknowwellitcouldn'tbe,forhe'sasimple,innocentkindofgentlemanthatwouldn'tdothelike.ButI'dsayhewasonethatlikedabitofsport,anddidn'tcarewhat
foolishnesshemightbeaftersolongashegotit."
ShesmiledamiablyatDoyle,asshespoke;buthewasnotamantobedivertedfromhispurposebysmiles,orlulledintoforgetfulnessbythecharmofgeneralconversation.
"You'llgoupstairsthisminute,SabinaGallagher,"hesaid,"andyou'llpackupwhateverclothesyouhave--andthat'snotmany--andassoonasyouhavethatdoneyou'llgooffhome,forI'llnothaveyouinthishouseanothernight."
"Iwasthinking,"saidSabina,"thatyou'dlikelybesayingthat."
"I'dsaymore,"saidDoyle,"onlyifIdidImightsaywhatI'dbesorryforafter."
"Youmightsurely."
"ThoughIwouldn'tsaymorethanyoudeservewhateverIsaid.Whatinthenameofallthat'sholydidyoumeanbypoisoningthegentlemanthatcameheretostopinthehotel,andwouldhavepaidmethreepoundsaweekandmaybemore?
"ItwasMr.Meldontoldme,"saidSabina,"andhowwasItoknowbutyousentamessagetomebyhim,thewayI'dbedoingwhatitwasyouwanteddone?"
"IsitlikelyI'dsendhimtoyouonamessage?Oughtn'tyoutohavemoresensethantothinkI'dtrustthatonewithamessage?Andwouldn'tanybodythatwasn'tabornfoolknowthatIdidn'twantthelampupsetoverthedinner?"
"Itwasyoutoldmetoputthestuffthedoctorwasaftergivingyouonthesheetsofthegentleman'sbed,andafterthelikeofthatwasdoneonhim,itwouldn'tmakemuchmatterwhatotherdevilmenthe'dhavetoputupwith.Surethere'snothingintheworldworseonamanthana
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dampbed,andmeafterairingthemsheetsatthekitchenfireforthebestpartofthemorning,soasnoonewouldhaveittosaythattheywasn'tdry.Ifyoudidn'twanthimhuntedoutofthehouse,whydidyoubidmedothat?"
Doylefelttheforceoftheargument;feltitmoreacutelythanSabinacouldguess.Hehimself,atthebiddingofMeldon,haddonemuchtomakeanhonouredandprofitableguestuncomfortable.CouldhefairlyblameSabinaforactinginasimilarwaywithpreciselythesameexcuse?Hefeltthenecessityforspeakingverysternly.
"Willyougetoutofthis?"hesaid,"forI'mindreadbutImightraisemyhandtoyouifyoustandtheretalkingtomeanymore.You'dprovokethepatienceofasaint;butIwouldn'tliketohaveitcastuptomeafterthateverIstruckyou."
"I'mgoing.Youneedn'tthinkI'mwantingtostay.There'splentywillbegladtogetme,andpaymemorewagesthaneveryoudone."
Doylerecognisedthetruthofthis.HehadgotSabinacheap--cheapevenbythestandardofwageswhichprevailsinConnacht.Hefelthalfinclinedtoreconsiderhisdetermination.Thejudgewasgone.ThedismissalofSabina,thoughapleasantandsatisfyingformofvengeance,wouldnotbringthelostthreepoundsbackagain;while
theremightbeagooddealoftroubleingettinganothercook.
"BeforeIgo,"saidSabina,whodidnotwanttogo,andwaswatchingDoyle'sfaceforsignsofrelenting,"beforeIgoI'veamessagetogiveyoufromMr.Meldon."
"Iseenhimmyselfthismorning,"saidDoyle,"andIdon'tknowwhattherecouldbeinthewayofamessageformethathewouldn'thavetoldmehimself."
"Whathebidmetellyouwasthis--"Sabinapaused."Wellnow,"shesaid,"ifIhaven'tgoneandforgotthenameofthedog!"
"Wasitadogthatakingkilledonetime,"saidDoyle,"onaccountofhisthinkingithadhisbabyate?"
"Itmight,"saidSabina."Itwasaqueernamehehadonit,andIdisrememberwhatitwas."
"Idisrememberitmyself,"saidDoyle,"butitwaslikelythesamedogashewastellingmeaboutwhenIwasdrivinghimin.Healwaysdidhavealikingfordogs,thatsameMeldon."
"Itmightbethatoneoritmightbeanother.Anyway,hethoughtadealofit,forhesaidtomenolaterthanthisminutethatifImentionedthenameofittoyou,youwouldn'thuntme."
"Listentomenow,SabinaGallagher.I'llletyoustayonhere,thoughit'sadealmorethanyoudeserve--I'llletyoustayonanddothecookingthesameasyouusedto,onaccountoftherespectIhaveforyourmother,whoisadecentwoman,andyourfatherthat'sdead--I'llletyoustayonifyou'lltellmethis:Whathadthedogtodoonewayortheotherwiththeparaffinoilyouputonthejudge'sdinner?"
"Ineverseenthedog;andIdon'tknowthatIeverheardtellofanydogdoingthelike."
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"Thenwhatareyoutalkingtomeaboutthedogforifitdidn'tdosomething,bethesamelessormore,inthewayofhelpingyoutodestroythejudge'sdinner?"
"ItwasMr.Meldontoldmetomentionthenameofthedogtoyou.AndIwould,I'ddoitthisminute,onlyIdisrememberit."
"Willyouaskhimthenexttimehe'shere,andtellmeafter,whatitwasthedoghadtodowiththematter?"
"Iwill,ofcourse,ifit'spleasingtoyou."
"Thenyoumaystayonabityet,Sabina.Youmaystayontillyoulearnenoughaboutcookingtobeabletobetteryourself;andit'swhatyoushouldbeabletodosoonwiththeopportunitiesthatyouhaveinthishouse.ButI'dlikeifyoucouldfindoutaboutthedog,forMr.Meldonwassayingalotabouthimthismorning,andI'dbethankfulifIknewwhatsortofadoghewas."
CHAPTERXVIII.
Meldonroderapidlywestwardsoutofthetown,inthedirectionofBallymoyHouse.Hesweptroundthesharpcornerandthroughtheentrancegateathighspeed,leaningoversidewaysatsoimpressiveananglethatthesixCallaghanchildren,whowerestandingintheporchofthegatelodge,cheeredenthusiastically.Hedisappearedfromtheirviewbeforetheirshoutssubsided,andrusheduptheavenue.Hereachedthegravelsweepinfrontofthehouse,pressedonbothbrakeswithallhisforce,broughtthebicycletoanabruptstandstill,anddismountedamidawhirlingcloudofdustandsmallstones.Herangthedoorbellfuriously.Findingthatthedoorwasnotimmediatelyopenedherangagain,andthenathirdtime,leavinglessthanhalfaminutebetweenthepeals.Thenamaid,breathless,andinaverybadtemper,
openedthedoorandaskedhimwhathewanted.
"ImustseeMissKingatonce,"saidMeldon,"onmostimportantbusiness."
"MissKingisout,sir,"saidthemaid.
"Whereisshe?Whendidshegoout?Whenwillshebehome?"
Theservantcouldhaveansweredtwoofthethreequestionswithoutdifficulty.SheknewwhenMissKingwentout.Shealsoknewwhereshehadgoneto.Shecouldhaveguessedatthehourofherreturn;butseeingthatMeldonappearedtobeinahurryshetookherrevengefor
theviolentringingofthebellwhichhaddisturbedher.
"I'llgoandenquire,sir,"shesaid.
Shespentnearlytenminutesmakingenquiries.ThenshereturnedwiththeinformationthatMissKinghadgoneoutimmediatelyafterluncheon.ShehadaccompaniedSirGilbertHawkesbytotheriverwhereheintendedtofish.
"She'sgonewithSirGilbertHawkesby!"saidMeldon.
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"Yes,sir."
Meldonturnedawayandwalkedslowlydowntheavenue.Whenhereachedthetenniscourtheproppedhisbicycleupagainstatreeandtookouthispipe.MissKing'sbrillianthammockwasstillhangingbetweenthetwotreestowhichCallaghanhadattacheditonthemorningafterherarrival.Meldonlithispipeandlaydowninthehammock.Hewaspuzzled.MissKing'sconductwasunaccountable.Thejudge'swasstrange.ButMeldonheldabeliefthatthereisnoproblemsodifficultbutwillyielditssolutiontopatientthoughtandtobacco.Hedrewinandexpelledrichcloudsofsmoke;andsethimselftothinkhard.ThejudgehadrecognisedtheimpossibilityoflivinginDoyle'shotel.Thatwasaplainandintelligiblepointfromwhichtostart.HehadgonestraighttoBallymoyHouse,knowingthathewouldfindMissKingthere.Itwasdifficulttoguesswherehegothisinformation;butmerespeculationonpointsofthatkindwasobviouslyuseless.Thejudgedidknow,andhadmadeuphismindtosettledowninBallymoyasMissKing'sguest.MissKinghadapparentlyreceivedhim;hadevengoneoutfishingwithhim.Meldoncouldfindnoexplanationofthefactsexceptone,anditwasextremelyunsatisfactory.ThejudgemusthaveimposedhimselfonMissKing,andinducedhertoreceivehimbymeansofthreats.Suchthingshave,nodoubt,beendoneoccasionally;thoughrarelybyjudges.People,especiallywomenwithdoubtfulpasts,
arealwaysopentothreatsofexposure,andmaybeinducedtosubmittoblackmail.SirGilbertHawkesbywasevidently--Meldonhadampleevidenceofthis--determinedtofish.Hewas,accordingtoDoyleandSabinaGallagher,inabadtemper,andtherefore,forthetime,unscrupulous.Hehadspentamostuncomfortablenight.Hewasalsoextremelyhungry.ItwasjustpossiblethathehadforcedhimselfuponMissKing.Meldonsighed.Thisadjustmentofthefactswasnotsatisfactory,buttherewasnoother.Heknockedtheashesoutofhispipeandstoodup.ThenhebecameawarethatCallaghanwaswatchinghimfromthefarendofthelawn.Meldonwalkedovertohim.
"Ifit'snewsaboutMr.Simpkinsyouwant,"saidCallaghan,"there'snone,forhehasn'tbeenneartheplacesincethelastdayIwas
talkingtoyou."
"Fortheimmediatepresent,"saidMeldon,"I'mnotsomuchinterestedinMr.Simpkinsasinanothergentlemanthatcamehereto-day."
"IsithimtheycallSirGilbertHawkesby?"
"Itis,"saidMeldon,"thatveryman.Didyouseehim?"
"Idid.Itwashalfpastteno'clock,ormaybealittlelater,andtheyoungladywasjustaftercomingoutwithaterriblebiglotofpapersalongwithher.Shesatherselfdownthereinthelittlebedwhereyouwerelyingthisminute,and'Goodmorningtoyou,Callaghan,'shesays
whenshesawme."
"Whatwereyoudoingthere?"saidMeldon.
"Iwaslookingather.Wasn'tthatwhatyoutoldmetodo?IwaswatchingoutthesameasI'vebeendoingthislastweek,thewaySimpkinswouldn'tcomeonherunawares,andmemaybesomewhereelseandnotseeinghim."
"Allright,"saidMeldon."Ihaven'ttheleastdoubtthat'sexactly
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whatyouweredoing.Iputthewrongquestiontoyou.WhatIoughttohaveaskedyouwasthis:WhatdidMissKingthinkyouweredoing?Whatwereyoupretendingtodo?"
"IwasmakingasifIwasscufflingthewalkwithahoe,andtheLordknowsitwantsscuffling,forthewaytheweedsgrowonitiswhatyou'dhardlybelieve."
"Well,andaftershesaidgoodmorningtoyouwhathappened?"
"Therewasn'tanythinghappenedthen,"saidCallaghan,"unlessitwouldbesometalktherewasbetweenusabouttheweather,mesayingitwasseasonableforthetimeofyear,and--"
"Youneedn'tgointodetailsabouttheweather,"saidMeldon."Isuppose,soonerorlater,somethingelsehappened?"
"Theredidthen."
"Andwhatwasit?"
"Therecameacarupalongtheavenuewithagentlemanonit,anditwasPatsyFlahertythatwasdrivingit;andhimlacingtheoldmarewiththewhipthesameasifthegentlemanmightbeinahurry."
"Hewasinahurry,"saidMeldon."Asamatteroffact,hehadn'thadabitetoeatsincethemiddleofthedayyesterday,andnotmuchthen.Anymanwouldbeinahurryifhewasashungryasthatjudge."
"Thatmaybe.Anyway,whateverthereasonofitwas,hehadPatsyFlahertyleatheringthemarelikethedevil.Then,assoonaseverMissKingseteyesonhim,shewasupoutofthelittlebedwhereshewas,andthepapersthrewdownontheground,andherrunningasfastasevershecouldlegitacrossthegrass."
"Poorthing!"saidMeldon."Itmusthavebeenashocktohertocatchsightofhimlikethat.Wheredidsherunto?"
"Tomeethim,ofcourse,"saidCallaghan.
"Tomeethim!Becarefulwhatyou'resayingnow,Callaghan.It'smorelikelysherantheotherway."
"Amn'tItellingyouitwastomeethim?And,what'smore,you'dsaybythewayshewasrunningthatshewasthinkingitalongtimetillshegottohim."
"You'remistakenaboutthat,"saidMeldon."Unlessshecompletelylostherheadthroughsheernervousness;itmusthavebeenawayfromhimsheran."
"Itwasnot,buttohim.Andthenassoonaseverheseenhercomingheputouthishand,andgrippedaholdofPatsyFlahertybythearm,and'Stop,yedivil,'sayshe.'Haven'tyehadenoughofbatteringthatoldscrewforoneday?'sayshe,'anddon'tyouseetheyoungladythat'scomingacrossthelawnthereandherleppinglikeatwo-year-old,soasthesightofherwouldmakeyousuppleandyoucrippledwiththerheumatics?'"
"Iknownow,"saidMeldon,"thatyou'retellingmeapackofliesfrom
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starttofinish.There'snotajudgeintheworldwouldsaythewordsyou'reputtingintothatone'smouth.Itisn'tthewayjudgestalk,northeleastlikeit.Yououghtn'ttotryandinventthings,Callaghan.Youcan'tdoit.Youhaven'tgotanyfacultyfordramaticprobabilityincharacterisation.Thatstoryofyourswouldn'tgodownwithMajorKent,andwhat'sthegoodofyourofferingittome?Youmaynotknowit,Callaghan,butI'msomethingofanexpertintextualcriticism.IcanseparateuptheBookofGenesisintoitscomponentdocumentsaswellasanymanliving,andI'mquitecapableoftellingbyinternalevidence,thatistosaybyconsiderationsofstyleandmatter,whetheranyparticularverseiswrittenbythesamemanthatwrotetheversebefore.Nowinbothrespects,matterandstyle,Irecogniseinyourstorythestrongestpossibleevidenceoffabrication.Anyliterarycriticwhoknewhisbusinesswouldagreewithme.Inthefirstplace,MissKingwouldn'thaveruntomeetthatjudge.She'dhaverunawayfromhimifsheranatall."
"Itwastohimshedidrun,"saidCallaghan,"andwhat'smore--"
"Inthesecondplace,"saidMeldon,"thejudgewouldn'thavespokenthatwaytoPatsyFlaherty.Ifhe'dwantedtohavethecarstoppedhe'dhavesaid,'Pullupforaminute,mygoodman,'orwordstothateffect."
"Well,"saidCallaghan,"itmighthavebeenthathesaid.HowwasItohearwhatpassedbetweenthemwhenIwashalfwaysacrossthelawnatthetimescufflingthepathwithmyhoe?"
"Andifyoucouldn'thear,"saidMeldon,"whatonearthdoyoumeanbypretendingtorepeattometheexactwordsthejudgeused?"
"ItoldyouthebestIcould.Ifthemwasn'tthewordshesaidhelookedmightylikeasiftheywere.AnywayPatsyFlahertygaveoverlambastingtheoldmare,andshestoodstill,thewayyou'dthinkshewasgladoftherest.Thenthegentlemantookalepdownoffthecar,andawaywithhimtomeetthelady."
"Well?"
"Shewasmightygladtoseehim,"saidCallaghan,"forshekissedhimtwice."
"Nonsense,"saidMeldon,"shecouldn'tpossiblyhavekissedhim.And,listentomenow,Callaghan.Yousetuptobemightyparticularaboutmoralconduct,andthedayIfirsttalkedtoyouaboutMissKingyousaidalotaboutdislikinganykindofimpropriety.Butyoudon'thesitatetotellmeagrosslyscandalousstoryaboutaladywhoneverdidyouanyharm.Idon'tthinkyououghttodoit."
"Therewasnoimproprietyofconductaboutit."
"Therewas.Howcanyoupossiblysaytherewasn't?Whatcouldbemoreimproper,judgedbyanyconceivablestandardofconduct,thanforayoungladytogorushingandtearingacrossalawn--andIdeclareIdon'tliketorepeatthethingyousaid."
"Therewasnoimproprietyofconduct,"saidCallaghan,"becausethegentlemanwasheruncle."
"Doyoumeantotellme,"saidMeldon,"thatSirGilbertHawkesbyis
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MissKing'suncle?"
"Heis.ImighthaveguesseditwhenIsawherkissinghim.AndIpartlydidguesstheremustbesomethingofthesortinit;forIhavearespectforMissKing,andIknowwellthatshe'snotthesortthatwoulddothelikeofthatwithoutthegentlemanwouldbeanearfriendofherown.ButthewayI'dmakesureIwentandaskedtheyoungladywithininthekitchen."
"Doyoumeanthecook?"
"Ido,"saidCallaghan."ItmighthavebeenanhourafterormaybemorewhenIwastakinginadishofpeasforthedinner.'MissHodge,'saysI,speakingrespectful--forthegirlsthatdoesbeinitthinksalotofthemselvesonaccountoftheircomingoverhereallthewayfromLondon--'MissHodge,'saysI,'that'samightyfinegentlemanthat'scometoseethemistressto-day.''Thedevilamuchcredititistoyoutofindthatout,'saysshe,'for--'"
"Shedidn't,"saidMeldon."NobodyofthenameofHodgewhocamefromLondonwouldorcouldsay'thedevilamuchcredit'underanycircumstances."
"It'swhatshemeant,"saidCallaghan,"andwhat'smore,shetoldme
abouthisbeingahigh-upgentleman,andajudge,noless.'Doyoutellmethatnow?'saysI.'I'mgladofit,for,ifyoubelieveme,it'sthefirsttimeeverIseteyesononeofthem.''You'llseeplentyofhim,'saysshe,'forhe'llbestoppingherealongwithMissKingtillhe'sdonefishing.''Willhethen?Andwhatcouldhebedoingthatfor?''It'sonaccountofthewaythemmurderingvillainsdowninthehotel--'"
"Iwish,"saidMeldon,"thatyouwouldn'ttrytorepeatthecook'sexactwords.You'regettingthemwrongeverytimeandmakingitmoreandmoredifficultformetobelieveyourstory."
"It'sthetruthI'mtellingyouwhetherorno,"saidCallaghan,"and
whatshesaidwasthathewascomingupheretostayonaccountofthewaytheyhadhimpoisoneddowninthehotel,whichiswhatIwassorrytohearhersay,forSabinaGallagher'safriendofmyown,hersisterbeingmarriedtomywife'scousin,andIwouldn'tliketohearofthegirlgettingabadname.Anyway,'it'sthatwayitis,'saidMissHodge,'andwherewouldhecometoifitwasn't--?'"
"You'reatitagain,"saidMeldon."Whycan'tyoutellwhatyouhavetotellwithoutspoilingwhatmightbeagoodstorybyinsistingonmakingthecooktalkinthatunnaturalway?"
"Whatshesaidwas,"saidCallaghan,"thatitwasnomorethanrightandproperthathe'dcometothehouseofhisownniece."
"You'reabsolutelycertainshesaidthat?"
"Iam;foritwasn'toncenortwiceshesaidit,butmore;likeasifshewasproudofbeingalongwithaladythatwasniecetoajudge."
"Ifthefactsareasyoustatethem,"saidMeldon,"agoodmanythingsbecomecleartome,andthegeneralsituationisbynomeanssodesperateasIwasinclinedtothink."
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"Wouldyousaynow,yourreverence,"saidCallaghan,"thatit'struewhatshewasaftertellingmeaboutSabinadoingthebestshecouldtopoisonthejudgewithparaffinoil?"
"There'safoundationoftruthinthestatement,"saidMeldon,"butithasbeenverymuchexaggerated."
"It'swhatIdidn'tthinkSabinawoulddo,forshewasalwaysaquiet,decentgirl,withnoharminher."
"Don'trunawaywiththeideathatSabinahasdoneanythingwrong,"saidMeldon,"forshehasn't.Ican'tstopheretoexplainthewholecircumstancestoyou,forIhaveotherthingstodo,andinanycaseyouwouldn'tbeabletounderstand.ButIwouldliketofixthisfactfirmlyinyourmind:Sabinaisinnowaytoblame."
"Isthereanyfearnow,"saidCallaghan,"thatshemightbetookbythepolice?"
"Nottheslightest."
"Himbeingajudgeandall?"
"Thatdoesn'tmaketheleastdifference.IfSabinahadpoisoned
anybody--shehasn't,butifshehad--orevenifshe'dtriedto,she'dbehadupforitwhetherhervictimwasajudgeoracornerboy.It'sworse,Ibelieve,ifyoupoisontheking;butshortofthatit'sthesamethingexactly.Thelawdoesn'tsetabitmorevalueonajudge'slifethanonanyoneelse's,andSirGilbertHawkesbywouldbethefirstmantotellyouthat.Youcanaskhimifyoulike.Butthepointisn'treallyofanyimportance,because,asIsaidbefore,Sabinahasneitherpoisonednortriedtopoisonanybody.Shehassimplydoneherduty."
CHAPTERXIX.
"Onthewhole,"saidMeldon,"thingsareturningoutbetterthanIexpected.Theydevelopedinawaythatatfirstalittlesurprisedme.Infact,foranhourortwoIwasrattled,andhardlyknewwhattosayordo;butonthinkingthewholeaffairoverquietly,afteraninterviewIhadwithCallaghan,Ihaveeveryreasontofeelfairlywellsatisfied."
HeandMajorKentsattogetheratafternoonteaontheverandahofPortsmouthLodge.TheMajorwasevidentlynervousanduncomfortable.Theteaspoontinkledinthesaucerashehandedacuptohisfriend,andheforgottohelphimselftoalumpofsugar.
"ItookDoylequitetherightway,"saidMeldon,"andIdon'tthinkhe'llsackSabina.IshouldhavebeensorryifSabinahadgotintoserioustrouble--"
"Whataboutthejudge?"saidtheMajor.
"I'mtalkingaboutSabinaGallagheratpresent,I'llcometothejudgelateron.Asamatteroffacthe'sperfectlywellabletolookafterhimself.Sabinaisn't,anditismypractice--itoughttobeyours,
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Major,butofcourseitisn't--itismypracticetolookafterthepoorandhelpless,especiallywhentheyhappentobewomen,beforeIdoanythingforthosewhoarerichandpowerful.You,Iregrettosay,gouponadifferentplan.BecauseSabinahappenstobeafriendlessservant,withnoonetotakeherpart,youdon'tcareapinwhathappenstoher.Youareinterestedonlyinthisjudge,whoiswelloffandhasthewholeforceoftheBritishconstitutionathisbackifanyoneattemptstodohimanyharm."
TheMajoracceptedtherebukemeekly.
"Ionlymeant,"hesaid,"thatI'dliketohearaboutthejudgenowIknowthatSabinaisallright.Andafterall,J.J.,theBritishconstitutionisn'tmuchusetoamanwhenyouaresetonragginghim."
"Ofcoursenot,"saidMeldon."Infact,theBritishconstitutionisagreatlyover-ratedthing.Itdidn'tsavepoorLorimerfromhisuntimelyend.Itwouldn'tsavethisjudgeifIhaddeterminedtomakehimmiserable.Itwon'tsaveSimpkinswhenhistimecomes.However,asthingsturnout,Idon'twanttoharrythejudge.There'snoparticularpointinit.Idon'tmuchmindnowevenifhegoesbacktoDoyle'shotel."
"Hereallyleftthen?"
"Yes.Doylewasratherupsetaboutit.It'saseriouslosstohim,andI'msorryitoccurred,foritturnsoutnowthatitwasquiteunnecessary.Icouldn'tpossiblybeexpectedtoguess;but,asamatteroffact,Ineedn'thaveworriedaboutthatjudgeatall.Hewon'tdousanyharm.Infact,Iexpecthe'llturnouttobeamostvaluableally.Ishallseehimto-morrowandtrytoenlisthissympathiesforourSimpkinsplot.Iexpecthe'llsimplyjumpatit."
"Ithoughtyousaidhe'dgone."
"Hehasgonefromthehotel,butnotfromBallymoy.He'satpresentstayingwithhisniece."
"Ididn'tknowhehadaniece."
"MissKing,or,tobequiteaccurate,Mrs.Lorimer,ishisniece,andhe'sstayingwithher."
MajorKentstartedandlaiddownhisteacup.Thenalookofreliefcameintohisface,andhesmiled.
"You'llgiveupthatabsurdtheoryofyoursnow,Isuppose,"hesaid,"andadmitthatMissKingisn'tamurderess.Ialwaysknewshewasn't,thoughIcouldn'tconvinceyou."
"Idon'tsee,"saidMeldon,"thatanythinghashappenedtoinvalidatetheevidenceonwhichweoriginallyconcludedthatMissKingisMrs.Lorimer."
"Don'tbeanass,J.J.Yousayshe'sthejudge'sniece;soofcourseshecan't--"
"Youapparentlythink,"saidMeldon,"thatajudge'sniece,merelybecauseherunclehappenstooccupyapositionoflegaleminence,couldn'tpossiblycommitacrime.You'reentirelywrong.Someofthe
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greatestwomencriminalstheworldhaseverseenhavebeentheniecesofmenofhighposition.LookatLucreziaBorgia,forinstance.HerunclewasaPope;andwhateverourreligiousopinionsmaybewemustadmitthataPopeisabiggermanthananordinaryjudge,andyetLucreziaisfamousforsomeofthemostremarkablecrimesinallhistory.Icouldquoteotherinstances,butthatoneoughttobesufficienttoconvinceyouthatrelationshiptoajudgeisnosafeguard--"
"Thatwasn'twhatImeant,J.J.YousaythatthisjudgetriedMrs.Lorimer.Nowif--"
"Doyoumeantosuggest,"saidMeldon,"thatajudgewouldn'ttryhisownnieceformurder?"
"Ofcoursehewouldn't.Howcouldhe?"
"You'reentirelywrong,"saidMeldon."Asamatteroffactanyright-mindedandreallyuprightjudge,suchaswehaveeveryreasontosupposethisSirGilbertHawkesbyis,wouldtakeaspecialprideintryinghisownniece.He'dliketohangherifhecould,alwayssupposingthathefeltsurethatshewasguilty.Ifthere'sonethingjudgesaremoredeterminedaboutthananotherit'stheirindependenceofallconsiderationsofprivatefriendshipinthedischargeoftheir
duties.Thereareseveralrecordedinstancesofjudgeshangingtheirownsons.Theexpression,'ARomanfather,'arises,aswellasIrecollect,fromanincidentofthesort,andthemenwhohavedonethatkindofthinghavealwaysbeenregardedasthebrightestexamplesofincorruptibility.Everylawyerisbroughtupinthetraditionthathecan'tdoafineraction,ifhebecomesajudge--andtheyallexpecttobecomejudgesintheend--thantohangarelativeofhisown.SirGilbertsawhisopportunitywhenMissKingwasbroughtupbeforehim,andthemomenthebecameconvincedofherguilthesummedupagainstherinthemostdeterminedway."
"Youmaytalkasyoulike,J.J.,butnojudgewoulddoit."
"Youhaveevidentlyaverylowopinionofjudges,"saidMeldon."SohasDoyle.Hethinksthattheyareallinfluencedbypoliticalprejudices,andarereadytocondemnamanwhobelongstoanyLeague,withoutwaitingtofindoutwhetherhehascommittedacrimeornot.That'sbadenough;butwhatyouchargethemwithisinfinitelyworse.Yousaythattheyarehabituallyguiltyofnepotism--thatistosayofpartialitytotheirownnieces,whichisoneoftheworstcrimesthereisinajudge,asbadassimonywouldbeinabishop."
"Idon'tsayanythingofthesort.Isay--"
"EitheryousaythatMissKingisn'thisnieceoryousaythathewouldn'ttryherformurder.Youmustbesayingoneortheother,
thoughyoudon'texpressyourselfverydistinctly,becausethere'snothingelseyoucouldsay."
"Idon't,ofcourse,agreewithyou,"saidtheMajor,afterapause."Infact,Ithinkyou'retalkingdownrightnonsense,butI'mnotgoingtoarguewithyou.I'm--"
"Iwishyou'dalwaystakeupthatattitude,"saidMeldon."Yourargumentswastealotoftime."
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"I'mjustgoingtoaskyouonequestion.SupposingMissKingisMrs.Lorimer--"
"Sheis.There'snosuppositionaboutit."
"Andsupposingthejudgetriedherasyousay--"
"That'sinallthepapers.There'snouseattemptingtodenythat,whateverelseyoudeny."
"Andsupposingshe'shisniece--"
"Callaghansaysthecooktoldhimshewas,"saidMeldon,"anditappearsthatshekissedhimwhentheymet,whichshe'dhardlyhavedoneiftheyweren'trelations."
"Then,"saidtheMajortriumphantly,"howcanyouaccountforhisgoingtostaywithherasifshehadn'tdoneanythingwrong?"
"Idon'tquitecatchyourpoint,Major."
"Isitlikelythat,knowinghisniecetobeamurderess,oratalleventsbelievinghertobeamurderess,ajudge--ajudge,mindyou,J.J.--wouldgoandstayinthehousewithher,andkissher?"
"Itwasshewhokissedhim,"saidMeldon,"butthat'saminorpoint.Iseeyourdifficultynow,Major,andIquiteadmitthere'ssomethinginit,orappearstobesomethinginittoamanlikeyouwhodoesn'tunderstandthelegalpointofview."
"Nopointofviewcanalterfacts,"saidtheMajor,"supposingtheyarefacts,whichofcoursethey'renot."
"Yes,itcan,"saidMeldon."Tothelegalmindafactceasestobeafactthemomentaproperlyqualifiedcourthasdecidedtheotherway.Thejudgemaybe,inthisparticularcaseheis,asweknow,absolutelyconvincedthathisnieceisamurderess.Butajurysayssheisn't,
andsofromalegalpointofviewshe'saperfectlyinnocentanduprightwoman.Thejudgecan'thangher.Hecan'tevenwarnhernottodoitagain.Heisbound,whateverhisprivatefeelingsandconvictionsare,toacceptthejury'sverdictatitsfacevalue,andtotreathisnieceexactlyashedidbeforealltheunpleasantnessarose."
"Heneedn'tkissher,"saidtheMajor.
"Ifhe'saconsistentlyjustmanandwasonwhatwemaycallkissingtermswithherbefore,"saidMeldon,"he'llofcoursekissheragainafterwards.Hecan'tdoanythingelse.Intheeyeofthelaw--that'swhatImeanbythelegalstandpoint--she'saninnocentwoman.Nowthejudge'swholepositioninsocietyandevenhisincomedependsonhis
keepingupthetheorythatthelawisinfallible.WhateveryouandIasprivateindividualsmaydo,ajudgehasonlyonecourseopentohim.Hemusttaketheviewthatthelawtakes.That'swhyIsaythatit'squitenaturalforSirGilberttogoandstopwithhisnieceandkissher,though,asIsaidbefore,itwasreallyshewhokissedhim.Ifhedidn't,he'dbeadmittingpubliclythatthelawwaswrong,andhecan'tdothatwithoutgivinghimselfandhiswholepositionawayhopelessly."
"Itdoesn'tstrikemeasabitnatural,"saidtheMajor."Infact,it'squiteimpossible.That'swhyIsay--"
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"Icanunderstandyourfeeling,"saidMeldon."IndeedIwasagooddealsurprisedatfirst;butwhenIcametothinkitallout,andtorealisethesortofwaythejudgewouldlookatit,Isaw,asyou'llprobablybeabletoseesometimetomorrow--"
"No.Iwon't.I'llneverseethat.It'sabsurdtosuppose--"
"Idon'tdeny,"saidMeldon,"thatwhenweconsiderSirGilbertHawkesbyasaprivateindividual,separatingforamomentthemanfromthejudge,wemustcredithimwiththefeelingthatMissKingisrathera--whattheFrenchwouldcallamauvaissujet."
"Awhat?"
"Ablacksheep,"saidMeldon,"adisgracetothefamily.Thesortofrelationwhomoneisinclinedtokeepinthebackgroundasmuchaspossible.Iamrelyingonthatfeelingtosecurethehelpofthejudge."
"Forwhat?"
"TomarryMissKingtoSimpkins,ofcourse.Thethingwe'vebeenatallalong."
"Hewon'tdothat.NomanlivingwouldmarryhisniecetoSimpkins."
"Thatdependsonthenatureoftheniece.Therearenieces--there'snousedenyingit,Major,becauseit'sunfortunatelytrue.Thereareniecesthatamanwouldbegladtoseemarriedtoanyone.Andthere'sagreatdealtobesaidinfavouroftheSimpkinsallianceinthisparticularcase."
"No,thereisn't.Themanisacad."
"Idon'tthinknearlysobadlyofSimpkinsasyoudo,Major.I'vetoldyouthatbefore.But,evengrantingwhatyousayistrue,thejudge
probablyarguesthatMissKingwithherrecordcan'texpectanythingbetter.He'llbegladenoughtogetSimpkinsforher.He'llrecollectthatBallymoyisafrightfullyout-of-the-wayplace,andthatifMissKingismarriedtoamanwholivesherenoneofherfriendswilleverseeanymoreofher.That'sexactlywhathewants;andsoIconfidentlyexpectthat,oncethepositionisexplainedtohim,he'llsimplyjumpatthechance."
"Doyoumeantosay,"saidtheMajor--"Iamnowsupposingthatallyourridiculousideasaretrue,andthatMissKingwillreally--"
Hehesitated.
"KillSimpkins?"saidMeldon."That'swhatyouwantdone,isn'tit?"
"Doyoumeantosaythatyouthinkthejudgewillgooutofhiswaytoencouragehertocommitanothercrime?"
"It'snotthebusinessofajudgetopreventcrime,"saidMeldon."Youmustn'tmixhimupwiththepolice.Thepolicehavetoseethatpeopledon'tdowhat'swrong.Judgeshavetopunishthemafterwardsforwhatthepolicefailtostopthemfromdoing.Thejudgewon'tstepoutofhispropersphereandstartdoingpolicework.Ifhedidthere'dbe
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endlessconfusion.Andbesidesthat,Idon'texpectthejudgewillthinkthatshemeanstokillSimpkins.Hedoesn'tunderstandaswedothatsheisactingintheinterestsofherart.Sheprobably,infactcertainly,hasn'ttoldhimwhatshetoldme--thatshehascometoBallymoywiththeintentionofgoingonwithherwork.He'llthinkthatthenarrowshaveshehadovertheLorimeraffairwillhavegivenheralesson,andthatfromnowonshe'llwanttosettledownandliveaquiet,affectionatekindoflife.Whenshekissedhiminthatspontaneouswaythismorning,whatdoyousupposewaspassingthroughhismind?Whatwashethinking?Rememberthathehadn'tseenhersincethedayofthetrial,andthenaskyourselfwhatthoughtsthosetwokisseswouldsuggesttohim."
"Idon'tknow.Thatshewasgladtoseehim,Isuppose."
"Agreatdealmorethanthat.Ajudgedoesn'tstopshortatthosesuperficialviewsofthings.Helooksdeepdownintothemorereconditeemotionsofthehumanheart.Assoonashefeltthosekisseshesaidtohimself:'Hereisapoorgirlwho'sreallysorryforwhatshe'sdone--'"
"Ithoughtyousaidhedidn'tbelieveshe'ddoneit.Icertainlydon't."
"Asajudgehedoesn't;butI'mspeakingofhimnowasanuncle,asimpleunofficialuncle.Asanunclehecan'thelprecollectingpoorLorimer,buthe'llwanttogivehisnieceeverypossiblefairplay,andassoonassheshowedsignsofpenitence--herkisseswereaprettyconvincingsignofpenitence,consideringthewayhesummedupagainsther--he'dbeallforburyingthepastandlettinghergetafreshstartinlifeifshecould."
"OfcourseIdon'tattachthesmallestimportancetoanythingyou'vesaid.Idon'tbelieve,inthefirstplace,thatMissKingisMrs.Lorimer.Idon'tbelieveanyjudgewouldtrytohanghisownniece.Idon'tbelieve,ifhehadtriedher,he'dgoandstopinthehousewithherafterwards,andI'mperfectlycertainhewouldn'tkissher.But
youapparentlyliketopretendtomethatyoudobelievealltherotyou'vebeentalking,andthatbeingso,I'dratherliketoknowwhatyouintendtodonext."
"Itdoesn'tintheleastmattertoyouwhatIdo,"saidMeldon."IfI'mthekindofdrivellingidiotyoumakeout,myactionsareofnoimportance,eithertoyouortoanyoneelse."
"Allthesame,I'dliketoknowwhatthey'regoingtobe."
"Why?"
"SothatIcandomybesttopreventtheirdoinganyirreparable
mischief,ifpossible;thoughIdon'texpectitispossible."
"Ishalldonoirreparablemischieftoanyone,"saidMeldon;"exceptSimpkins;andyoualwayssaidyouwantedhimpoisoned."
"Ineversaidsuchathing."
"Keepcool,Major.There'snouselosingyourtemper.YouandDoyleandO'Donoghueallsaidyou'dbegladtogloatoverSimpkins'corpse.Ifyouhadn'tsaidsoIshouldn'tbetakingallthistrouble.IfI
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didn'tstillbelievethatyouhateSimpkinsIshoulddropthematteratonce.Afterall,it'snobusinessofmine."
"Thendodropit.Likeagoodman,J.J.,leaveMissKingalone,andletthejudgefishinpeace."
"No;Iwon't.I'llseethethingthroughnowI'mthisfar,andwithineasyreachofsuccess.Idon'twanttohaveyoureproachingmeafterwardsforgoingbackonmyword."
"Iwon'treproachyou.Ipromisenotto."
"You'dmeannotto;butwhenthepresentflurryisover,andwhenSimpkinsbeginstoannoyyouagainaboutthefishingandotherthings,youwon'tbeabletohelpreproachingme.EvenifyourefrainfromactualwordsIshallseeitinyoureye.Ican'tgothroughlife,Major,hauntedbyyoureyewithamute,unspokenreproachinit."
MajorKentsighedheavily.
"Thenwhatdoyoumeantodo?"heasked.
"Ishallseethejudgeto-morrow,"saidMeldon,"and--"
"Iadviseyounotto.He'ssuretohavefoundoutabouttheparaffinoilbythattime."
"I'mpreparedforthat.Theremaybesomeslighttemporaryunpleasantness,butthatwillpassawayatoncewhenthejudgehearstheproposalthatIhavetomake."
"What'sthat?"
"ThatheshouldencouragethemarriagebetweenSimpkinsandhisniece.Ishallexplaintohimthatitisverymuchtohisowninteresttodoso,andofcoursehe'llseetheforceofwhatIsayatonce.Ishan'tmentiontheultimatefateofSimpkins.Idon'tsupposehe'dcaremuch
ifIdid.Hecan'tbeparticularlykeenonpreservingSimpkins'life,forhedoesn'tknowhim.Stillitisbesttoavoidallrisks,andIshalltreatthemarriageastheordinaryconventionallove-match,withouthintingatanyconnectionbetweenitandMissKing'speculiarart.WhenI'vesettledthingsupwithhim--that'llbeabouttwelveoroneo'clock,ifIgetathimbeforehestartsfishingfortheday--IshallgodowntothevillageandgetaholdofSimpkins.He'llbeinhisoffice,Iexpect.Ishalllunchwithhim,andthenleadhimupandlayhimatMissKing'sfeet."
"Willhegoforyou?Hehasn'tshownanygreateagernessforthematchsofar."
"Ishan'tgivehimmuchchoice,"saidMeldon."Ishalltellhimthatthethinghasgottobedoneatonce.VeryfewmenareabletostanduptomewhenItakeareallydeterminedtonewiththem,andIshallspeakinthestrongestwaytoSimpkins.WhenIhave,sotospeak,depositedhiminfrontofMissKing--"
"Onhisknees?"saidtheMajor.
"Veryprobably.InthesemattersofdetailImustofcoursebeguidedbycircumstances;butwhenIhaveputhimdown,eitheronhiskneesor
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insomeotherposture,Ishallslipawayunobtrusively--"
"Ishouldliketoseeyoudoingthat.Idon'tthinkyoucould.You'regenerallymoreobtrusivethananyoneelseI'veevermet."
"Leavingthemtogether,"saidMeldon,"withCallaghanwatchingfrombehindatree,soastobeabletoreporttomeexactlywhathappens.InthemeanwhileIshallstrolluptheriverandfindthejudge.Ifheisn'tactuallyintoafishatthemoment,Ishallbringhimstraightdowntothehouseandlethimheartheresultatonce.Ifhehasasalmonhooked,Ishallofcoursewaittillit'slanded,andthenbringhimdown.AfterwardsIshalltakeSimpkinsuptotherectoryandmakearrangementsaboutthelicence.Weought,baraccidents,tohavethewholethingfinishedintheinsideofafortnightfromnow.AfterthatImustleaveitinthehandsofO'Donoghue.He'llhavetobecarefulhowhetreatsSimpkinswhenhe'scalledin.Itwon'tdotomakemistakesandgocuringhimaccidentally."
"Isuppose,"saidtheMajorbitterly,"thatyou'llemploySabinaGallaghertomakethewedding-cake.Shemightbeginthepoisoning."
"Certainlynot,"saidMeldon."Sabinacouldn'tmakeawedding-cake,andinanycaseSimpkinswon'teatenoughofhisownwedding-caketodohimanyharm,whateverit'smadeof.Ifyouwereaccustomedto
weddings,Major,you'dknowthatthewholecakeisinvariablyeatenbythepostofficeofficials--amostdeservingclass,whomnobodywantstopoison.Besides,inacaselikethis,itwillbebettertoavoidallpublicityandshow.Itwouldn'tdotohavethenewspapersgettingholdofthefactthatMrs.Lorimerisbeingmarriedagainsosoon.There'dbeparagraphs,andthesuspicionsofSimpkinswouldbeexcited.Onthewhole,Idon'tthinkwe'llhaveaweddingcake,orbridesmaids,oranythingofthatsort.Butyoucanbebestmanifyoulike."
"Iknowyoudon'tmeanawordyou'resaying,J.J.,andthatyouwon'treallydoanything."
"Waitandsee."
"ButifIthoughtyoumeanttocauseMissKingtheslightestuneasinessordiscomfort,Ishouldsimplyturnyoustraightoutofmyhouse.Iwouldn'tbeapartyforasinglemomenttoanyplanforinsultingareallynicewomanlikeMissKing."
"Don'tfretaboutthat,"saidMeldon."WhatI'mdoingisexactlywhatMissKingwantsdone.Shetoldmesoherself."
CHAPTERXX.
SirGilbertHawkesbywas,onthewhole,agood-temperedman;buthewasliabletosuddenoutburstsofangerofaviolentkind.LadyHawkesbyknewthis,andalwaysbowedmeeklytothestorm.Hisbutlerknewit,andfeltnoresentmentwhenhewascalledanincompetentfool.Thebarristerswhopractisedtheirartinhiscourtknewit,andalwaysgaveuppressingobjectionablepointsonhisnoticewhentheyrecognisedtheearlysignsofapproachingindignation.Thebutlerandthebarristers,notLadyHawkesby,admittedthatthejudge'sangerwasinvariablyjustified.Heneverlostcontrolofhimselfwithoutsome
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goodexcuse.Thereforetheysufferedpatiently,knowingthattheysufferedjustly,andknowingalsothattheywouldnotsufferlong;forthejudge'soutburstswereasbriefastheywerefierce,andheborenomaliceafterwards.DoyleunfortunatelydidnotknowSirGilbert'speculiarities,andsohewasdepressedandunhappy.SabinaGallagherdidnotknowthemeither,andthejudgehadnotsparedher.Hehadnohesitation,asLadyHawkesby,thebutler,andthebarristersknew,inattackingthemostdefencelesspeoplewhenthemoodwasonhim,andhehadusedexceptionallystronglanguagetoSabinaGallagher.Ittookhimonthisoccasionlongerthanusualtorecoverhisself-possession.Hegavenokissinresponsetohisniece'saffectionatesalutation.Heatethereallyexcellentluncheonwhichshehadpreparedforhimingloomysilenceandwithoutasignofappreciation.Thegilly,whoaccompaniedhimuptheriverintheafternoon,cameinforthelastgustsoftheexpiringstorm.
Ataboutfouro'clockSirGilberthookedafinesalmonandlandedhimsuccessfully.Thegilly,whowasamanoftact,greatlyover-estimatedtheweightofthefish,andpaidarichcomplimenttothejudge'sskill.MissKingsaidallthemostappropriatethingsintonesofwarmconviction.SirGilbertbegantofeelthatlifewasnotaltogetheranintolerableaffliction.Anhourlater,inapoolstronglyrecommendedbythegilly,anotherfishwascaught.Itwasinferiortothefirstinsize,butitwasaverysatisfactorycreaturetolookat.Thejudge's
temperwasquitenormalwhenhesatdownatdinner.When,atMissKing'srequest,helithiscigarinthedrawing-roomafterwards,hebegantotakeahumorousviewofthemisfortunesofthemorning.
"Ioughttohaveacceptedyourinvitationatonce,Milly,andnotattemptedtoliveatthelocalhotel.Inevercameacrosssuchaplaceinmylife,thoughIhaveknockedaboutagooddealandamprettywellaccustomedtoroughingit.Mybedroomreekedofabominabledisinfectants.Thefloorwashalfaninchdeepinchlorideoflime.Thesheetsweresoakedwith--Bytheway,whatisthenameofthelocalparson?"
"Idon'tknow,"saidMissKing."He'sanoldman,and,Ifancy,
delicate.I'veneverseenhim.Hewasn'tinchurchlastSunday."
"Hasheacurate?"
"Yes;Ibelieveso.Butthecurateisawayonhisholiday.Somebody--Iforgetwho;verylikelyCallaghanthegardener--toldmeso.Atallevents,I'venotseenanythingofhim.Butwhatdoyouwantwiththelocalclergy?"
"Ionlywantoneofthem,"saidthejudge;"butIwanthimratherbadly.ThemanImeancan'tbeaRomanCatholicpriest.Hehasabrightredmoustache.Iwonderifyou'vecomeacrosshim."
"ThatmustbeMr.Meldon.HehasaparishsomewhereinEngland,Ibelieve.He'soverhereonhisholiday.ItravelledinthecarriagewithhimfromDublin.HeisstayingwithaMajorKent."
"He'sapparentlyquitemad,"saidthejudge,"andoughttobeshutup.He'sdangeroustosociety."
"He'scertainlyeccentric.Wehadalongtalkinthetrain,andhetoldmealotabouthisbaby,whichhadbeenkeepinghimawakeatnight.IwasoutyachtingonedaywithhimandMajorKent."
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"Don'tgoagain,"saidthejudge."Yourlifewouldn'tbesafe.IsMajorKentmadtoo?"
"Notatall.Hestruckmeasaverypleasantman,mostconsiderateandkind."
"HemustbeveryunusuallykindifhetoleratesMeldon.OfalltheobjectionablelunaticsIevermet,thatparsonisoutandawaytheworst."
"Ishouldn'thavesaidhewasactuallymad.InsomewaysIthinkhe'sratherclever.HepreachedquitearemarkablesermonlastSunday,thesortofsermonyoucan'thelplisteningto."
"Icaneasilybelievethat,"saidthejudge."HepreachedmeasermonyesterdaywhichI'mnotatalllikelytoforget."
"Wheredidyoumeethim,UncleGilbert?"
"Ididn'tmeethim.Hemetme.Ishouldn'thavedreamedofmeetinghim.HemetmeattherailwaystationatDonard,andinvitedhimselftoluncheonwithme.Healsobroughtadoctorwhomhehadalongwithhim.Thenhewarnedmethatmylifewouldn'tbesafeinBallymoy.I
thoughthewastheusualsortoffoolwithscareideasaboutleaguesandboycotting.Butitwasn'tthatatall.Hethoughthe'dfrightenmeoffwithstoriesaboutbaddrains;saidI'dbesuretodieifIstayedatthehotel.Hewasquiterightthere,Imustsay.IshouldhavediedifIhadn'tleftatonce."
"Weretheyverybad?"
"Werewhatverybad?Oh,thedrains.Notatall.AtleastIdaresaytheywerebadenough.Iwasn'ttherelongenoughtofindout.ButIshouldn'thavediedofthedrainsinanycase.I'mnotthekindofmanwhocatchesdiseases."
SirGilbert'schestswelledalittleashespoke,andheslowlypuffedoutalargecloudofsmoke.Hewasjustlyproudofhisphysicalhealth,andwasaccustomedtohurldefianceatmicrobesandtoheapcontemptonthedoctor'sart.
"I'msureyou'renot,"saidMissKingdutifully.
"WhatIshouldhavediedof,"saidthejudge,"ifIhaddied,wouldhavebeenstarvation.You'llhardlybelievemewhenItellyouthateveryscrapoffoodIgot,eventheboiledeggwhichIorderedforbreakfast,thinkingitwouldbesafe--"
MissKinghadheardallabouttheparaffinoilbefore.Shehadindeed
heardaboutitmorethanonce.Shedidnotwanttohearofitagain,becauseshefearedthatarepetitionofthestorymightputheruncleintoanotherbadtemper.
"Ican'tunderstandit,"shesaid."Howanyonecouldbesocarelessas--"
"Itwasn'tcarelessness,"saidthejudge."IfithadbeenImighthavegiventheplaceanothertrial.Itwasdoneonpurpose."
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"Surelynot."
"Ipursuedthecook,"saidthejudge,"intothefastnessesofherkitchen.Shefledbeforeme,butIranhertoearthatlastinthescullery.AfilthierholeIneversaw.Iwentforherstraight,andexpectedtobetoldastoryaboutsomebodyorotherupsettingalampoverallherpotsandpans.Insteadofthat,sheansweredme,withoutasignofhesitationandsaid--Nowwhatdoyouthinkshesaid?"
"Ican'tguess.Notthatshethoughtyou'dliketheflavour?"
"No.Shehadn'tquitetheeffronterytosaythat.ShetoldmethatMr.Meldon,thisparsonofyourswhotakesyououtyachting,hadgivenordersbeforeIcamethatallmyfoodwastobesoakedwithparaffinoil."
"Oh!Butthat'stooabsurd."
"Soyou'dthink.SoIthoughtatthemoment.Ididn'tbelieveher.Ithoughtthatshewasputtingupanunusuallineofdefencetoexcuseherowngrosscarelessness.ButIwasevidentlywrong.Thegirlseemstohavebeentellingthetruth.IthinkImentionedtoyouthestateinwhichIfoundmybedlastnight."
"Yousaiditwasdamp."
"Damp!Ineversaiddamp.SoakingisthewordIused;oratalleventsoughttohaveused.ItwassoakingwithCondy'sFluid,asitturnedout,thoughIdidn'tknowatthetimewhatthestuffwas.Ihadaninterviewwiththehotelkeeperhimself,aruffianofthenameofDoyle,aboutthat.IhadverynearlytobreakthebellbeforeIcouldgetanyonetocometome.It'saveryoddthing,buthetoldmepracticallythesamestory;saidthatthismanMeldon,whoeverheis,hadgivenorderstohaveCondy'sFluidpouredallovermybedandchlorideoflimeshovelledontothefloor.IdidnotbelievehimatthetimeanymorethanIbelievedthatmiserableslutofacookthenextmorning.IwasinsuchatemperwhenIleftthatIdidn'tthink
ofputtingtheirtwostoriestogether;butgoingoverthewholethingthisafternooninmyminditstruckmeasratherpeculiarthattheyshouldbothhavehitonsuchagrotesquesortofalie,ifitwasalie."
"Surelyyoudon'tthinkthatMr.Meldon--he'srathereccentric,Iknow,butIcanscarcelybelievethathe'd--"
"I'mnotatallsurewhatIoughttothink.Itseemsunlikelythatanyclergyman,unlessheisquitemad,andyousayhe'snotmad--"
"No;he'snotmad.He'speculiar.Butheiscertainlynotmad.MajorKenthasthehighestopinionofhim,andMajorKentisquitesane."
Thejudgethrewtheendofhiscigarintothefireandsatsilentforaminuteortwo.HismindwasworkingonthecuriousseriesofeventswhichhadfollowedhisarrivalinBallymoy.Hebecameverymuchinterested.
"Milly,"hesaidatlast,"I'lltakeyourwordforitthattheman'snotmad.ButhowonearthamItoexplainhisactions?ForIreallyhavenodoubtthathe'satthebottomofallI'vebeenthrough.Firstofall,hemetmeatthestationatDonard,havingtravelledtwenty
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milesfortheexpresspurposeoftryingtopreventmycomingonhere.Nowwhydidhedothat?"
"Perhapshereallythoughtyou'dbeuncomfortableatthehotel."
"Heseemstohavedonehisbesttomakemeuncomfortable,anyhow."
"Andsucceeded,"saidMissKingwithasmile.
"Andsucceededbrilliantly.Idon'tintheleastwishtodenythat.Ineverwasmoreuncomfortableinmylife.ButwhatIwanttoknowis,whatpossiblemotivehehadfordoingit.Unlesshe'sanabsolutelunatic,andyousayhe'snotthat--"
"No.He'ssane,thoughIthinkhe'sdecidedlyeccentric."
"Thenhemusthavehadamotiveofsomesort.Heplainlydoesn'twanttohavemehereinBallymoy.Nowwhynot?That'swhat'spuzzlingme.Whynot?Ineversawthemaninmylifetillyesterday.Ineverheardofhim.WhatonearthcanitmattertohimwhetherIspendafortnighthereornot?"
"Therewassomedisputeaboutthefishingbeforeyoucame,"saidMissKing."IheardaboutitfromCallaghanthegardener.Mr.Meldon's
friend,MajorKent,thoughthehadarighttofishinsomepartoftheriver--"
"Butwhatdifferencewouldmybeingheremake?I'mnottheownerofthefishing.MajorKentmayberightorwrong.Butthere'snousehisdisputingwithme.Hewouldn'tbeinabitbetterpositionifIhadturnedroundandgonehome."
"Isupposenot."
"Sowemayrulethatexplanationoutofcourt.Andyetthemanmusthavehadamotiveofsomesort.Noonewouldtakeallthetroublethathehastakenunlesshesawhiswaytogainsomethingbyit."Thejudge
pausedagain,thinkingdeeply.Thenhesmiledsuddenly."Lookhere,Milly.Youdon'tmindmyaskingyouratherapersonalquestion,doyou?"
"Notabit.Myconscienceisquiteeasy.Ididn'tbribethecooktoputparaffinoilinyourdinner,andIshouldneverhavethoughtofpouringCondy'sFluidoveryourbed."
"Hasthatcurate,Meldon,Imean--"
"He'snotacurate,"saidMissKing."He'savicaratleast."
"Ishouldn'twonderifheturnedouttobeanarchdeacon.Buthashe--
It'sratheranawkwardquestiontoask;butyou'renotachild,Milly.Youknowthatyou'reaveryattractiveyoungwoman,andyouhavewhatwouldseemtosomepeoplequiteagoodfortune,besideswhatyouearnbyyourwriting.Hasthismanbeentryingtomakelovetoyou?"
MissKinglaughedaloud.Thecheerfulringofherobviouslyspontaneousmirthshatteredthetheorywhichthejudgewasbuildingup.
"No,"shesaid;"hehasnot.Quitethecontrary.Oh,UncleGilbert,Imusttellyou.It'stoofunny.Hewarnedmeinthemostsolemnway
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thatIwasn'ttoattempttomakelovetohim."
"Inspiteofallyousay,Milly,hemustbestarkmad."
"No.Hethought,hereallydidthink,thatIwantedtoflirtwithhim,andhetoldmenotto.Hesaidhecouldn'thaveit.Iwasawfullyangrywithhimatthetime.Nooneeversaidsuchathingtomebefore.Itwasthefirstdayhecalledhere."
"Doesheoftencallhere?"
"Nearlyeveryday.Hewasherethisafternoonwhilewewereuptheriver.Hesaidhewantedtoseemeonmostimportantbusiness."
"IwishI'dseenhim."
"Youwillsoon.He'ssuretocometo-morrow."
"Ifhedoes,"saidthejudge,"I'lltaketheopportunityofhavingatalkwithhim.Buttellmemoreaboutthatcuriousincident,Milly.Areyousurehedoesn'twanttomakelovetoyou?"
"Quite.Icouldn'tpossiblybemistaken.Besides,he'smarried.Hetoldmethatinthemostinsultingway,soastopreventmymakingany
attempttomarryhimmyself."
"Ofcoursethatsettlesit,"saidthejudge."Ithoughtforamomentthathemightpossiblyhavesomewildideaofmarryingyou.Thatwouldaccountforhismakingthedesperateeffortshehasmadetokeepmeoutoftheplace.He'dknowthatIwouldn'tlikeyoutomarryamadparson.Butifitwasn'tthat,Milly,andafterallyou'vetoldmeitclearlycan'tbe,whatonearthistheideaatthebackofhismind?Whyhashearrangedforthissystematicpersecutionofme?"
"Areyousurethefishingdisputehasnothingtodowithit.Ican'tthinkofanythingelse."
"Unlesshe'safool,"saidthejudge,"hecan'tsupposethatmygivingupthefishingwouldmakeitanyeasierforhisfriendtopoach."
"MajorKentwouldn'tpoach,"saidMissKingwarmly."He'sagentleman.Ifyouknewhim,UncleGilbert,youwouldn'tsaysuchthingsabouthim."
"Youseemtoknowhimverywell,"saidthejudge."Ohyes!Youtoldmeyouhadbeenoutyachting.Doesheoftencallhere?"
"HewashereonSundayafternoon.Yes,andonTuesday,nowIcometothinkofit."
"AndyouwereoutyachtingwithhimontheMondayinbetween.That's
notbadforthreedays,eh,Milly?"
Helookedatherkeenlyashespoke,andahalfsmileflickeredonhislips.MissKingblushedslightly,andthen,beingveryangrywithherselfforblushing,grewquiteredintheface.Thejudge'ssmilebroadened.
"Fromwhatyou'veseenofthismanMeldon,"hesaid,"wouldyousupposethathe'saveryaltruisticsortofperson?"
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"Whatdoyoumean?"
"Ishethesortofmanwho'dputhimselfaboutagreatdealandtakealotoftroubleforthesakeofdoingagoodturntoafriend?Doyouthink,forinstance,thathe'dindulgeinallsortsofelaboratepracticaljokeswithaviewtofrighteningmeoutofBallymoy,ifhethoughtmypresenceherewaslikelytointerferewithanyplanthathisfriendMajorKentmighthaveverymuchatheart?"
MissKinglookedatthejudgeinsomesurprise.Thenshesuddenlyblushedagain.
"UncleGilbert,"shesaid,"you'retoobad.Iknowwhatyou'rethinkingabout.Butwhydoyousupposethatanyofthesemenshouldwanttomarryme?"
"You'reaveryattractiveyoungwoman,mydear,"saidthejudge."Icanquiteunderstand--WhatsortofamanisthisMajorKent?"
"Iwon'ttalkabouthim,"saidMissKing."It'snotniceofyoutocross-questionmeinthatway.IhatebeingtreatedasifIdidnothingbutgoabouthuntingforahusband;asifIneverspoketoamanwithoutwonderinginmyownmindwhetherhe'dbelikelytomarryme.That'sthewayyoualwaystreatus,andIwon'tstandit.If
therearesuchwomen,andIdon'tthinktherearemany,I'mnotoneofthem."
"No,"saidthejudge;"you'renot.Ifyouhadbeenyou'dhavebeenmarriedlongago.Butinthiscaseitseemsthatthepossiblehusbandishuntingyouwithsomevigour.Hehascertainlydonehisbesttogetridofme,regardingme,nodoubt,asapossibleobstacleinhisway."
"I'msureMajorKenthadnothingtodowiththat.He'snotatallthekindofmanwho'dmakeplansandschemes.Butthewholethingisutterlyabsurd.What'sthegoodoftalkingaboutit?"
"Itisutterlyabsurd.It'sthemostabsurdthingIeverheardofin
mylife.Isimplywouldn'thavebelieveditpossibleifithadn'tactuallyhappened,thatthisred-hairedparson--themanhasaperfectlydiabolicalimagination.Iwonderwhathe'lldonext.Ifeelcertainhewon'tgiveup.Couldhepossiblygetatyourcook,Milly?"
"I'msurehecouldn't.HodgehasthegreatestcontemptforalltheIrish.Sheregardsthemassavages,andisrathersurprisedtofindthattheywearclothes."
"That'sacomfort.IcanfacealmostanythingifIgetmyfoodproperly.ButImustkeepacarefullookout.Meldonseemstomethekindofmanwhowouldn'tstickatatrifle,andhe'sevidentlydeterminedtogetridofme."
"Perhapshe'llaskyououtyachtingand--"
"Andmaroonmeonadesertisland?"
"No,butmakeyou--Oh!Iforgot,youdon'tgetsea-sick."
"No.There'snotabitofusehistryingtogetthebetterofmeinthatway.Ishouldsimplylaughattheworstgroundswellhecanproduce.Ihopehewillaskmeoutyachting.Ishouldliketohavea
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nicelongdayalonewithMr.Meldon.He'samanworthknowing."
Theconversationdriftedontoothertopics.Thejudge,afterthemanneroffishermen,rehearsedthecaptureofhistwosalmon,comparedthemtosimilarfishcaughtelsewhere,andmadeenquiriesaboutthenettingatthemouthoftheriver.Ataboutteno'clockhelitafreshcigarandreturnedtothesubjectofMeldon.
"Yousay,"hesaid,"thathe'slikelytocallhereto-morrowmorning."
"He'salmostcertainto.ExceptthedaywhenhewenttomeetyouatDonardhehasnevermissedpayingmeavisit."
"Aboutfouro'clock,Isuppose,ishisregularhour?"
"Hehasnoregularhour,"saidMissKing."He'squiteunconventional.Hemaydropinforbreakfast,orhemayturnupsuddenlywhilewe'redressingfordinner."
"Ihopehe'lldooneortheother.Idon'twanttositwaitingforhimallday.IfhecomeswhileI'mfishingyoumustbringhimuptheriverafterme.Bytheway,howisyournovelgettingon,Milly?Haveyoufinisheditoff?"
"I'vehardlydoneastrokeofworksinceIcamehere.I'mdissatisfiedwiththewholething.I'mthinkingofbeginningitagain."
"Ifyoudo,"saidthejudge,"putMeldonintoit."
"Ishouldliketo."
"Do.Tellthestoryofhisbribingthecooktopoisonme,andI'llbuytwohundredcopiesstraightaway.I'vealwayswantedtobeputintoanovel,andIshouldliketogodowntoposteritysidebysidewithMeldon."
"IwishIcould."
"There'snodifficultythatIcansee.He'lldoequallywellforaherooravillain."
"I'mafraidalltheothercharacterswouldlooklikefools.That'sthedifficulty."
"Theywould,"saidthejudge."I'mverymuchafraidtheywould.Perhapsafterallyou'dbetternotputmein.Lethimpoisonsomeoneelse.Ishouldn'tbeanattractivefigureifIwereposedasoneofMeldon'svictims."
"Perhaps,"saidMissKing,"Imightworkouttheplotinsuchaway
thatyou'dgetthebetterofhimintheend."
"Ifullyintendto.Ishallseehimto-morrow,andifthethingispossibleatall,Ishallmakehimthoroughlyashamedofhimself."
"ThenI'llwaittillafterto-morrow,"saidMissKing,"beforeIdecideonmyplot.ItwillbemucheasierformeifIgetthewholethingready-made."
SirGilbertHawkesbyfinishedhiscigarandwenttobed.Hewas
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tolerablywellsatisfiedwithhimself.Heunderstood,sohebelieved,themotiveswhichhadinducedMeldontomakehislifeinBallymoyuncomfortable.HewassurethatMissKingwasabletomanageherownaffairs,andhewasnotanxioustomakeobjectionstohermarryingMajorKent,oranyothertolerablyrespectablemanwhomshehappenedtolike.Heknew,too,thatLadyHawkesbywouldbepleasedtohaveherniecesettledinlifeinanywaywhichwouldputastoptothegrowingnotorietyofthenovelsshewrote.
CHAPTERXXI.
AtbreakfastthenextmorningMajorKentspoketoMeldoninagentle,ratherhopelesstone.Itwasasifhehadnogreatexpectationofhiswordsproducinganyeffect.
"Isuppose,"hesaid,"thatnothingIcansaywillpreventyourthrustingyourselfintothecompanyofthisjudgeto-day."
"Ifyourefer,"saidMeldon,"tomyintentionofcallingcivillyonSirGilbertHawkesby,nothingyousaywillaltermyviewthatitisaveryproperthingtodo,consideringthatthemanisastrangerinthe
locality."
"ThenIbegofyou,J.J.,tobecareful.Don'tsayanythinginsultingaboutMissKing.Rememberthatshe'shisniece,andhewon'tliketohearherabused.Besides,he'lltellherwhatyousayafterwards,anditwouldbeverypainfultohertohearthesortofaccusationsyou'vebeenbringingagainsthersinceshecametoBallymoy."
"Major,"saidMeldon,"we'vebeenintimatefriendsforyears,andyououghttoknowthat,whateverelseImaybe,I'malwaysagentleman.IsitlikelyI'dgooutofmywaytoinsultahelplesswoman?"
"Youwouldn'tmeanto,J.J.,butyoumightdoit.Yourideasofwhat
isinsultingaresopeculiar.Believingthesortofthingsyoudobelieveabouther,youmightsaysomethingveryoffensivewithoutmeaninganyharm.Dobecareful."
"Ishallnotalludetoherpast,ifthat'swhatyouarethinkingof.Ineverhavealludedtoherpasttoanyonebutyou,exceptontheoneoccasiononwhichshebroughtupthesubjectherself.Nothingcouldpossiblybeinworsetastethantoflingthatstoryinthejudge'sface."
"Iwish,"saidtheMajor,"thatIcouldpersuadeyounottobequitesocock-sureaboutwhatyoucallherpast.Yououghttotryandrealisethatyoumaypossiblybemistaken."
"That,"saidMeldon,"ispracticallywhatOliverCromwellsaidtotheScotchPresbyterianministers.Itmayhavebeenasoundremarkfromhispointofview,butI'mrathersurprisedtohearyouquotingandendorsingit.IalwaysthoughtyouwereaConservative."
"Iam.Butwhathasthatgottodowithyourtheoriesabout--?"
"IfyouareaConservativeyououghtnottobebackingupOliverCromwell.Hewasarevolutionaryofanextremekind.Yououghttobe
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ashamedofgivingyouradherencetoanysentimentofhis.Youmightjustaswellproposetocutofftheking'shead."
"Idon'tquiteseewhyI'mboundtobelieveinyourinfallibilitybecauseIhappentobeaConservative.AllIsuggestedwasthatyoumightpossiblybemistaken."
"Inputtingyoursuggestioninthewayyoudid,"saidMeldon,"youproclaimedyourselfadiscipleandadmirerofOliverCromwell.I'venoparticularobjectiontothat.I'mnotaprejudicedmaninpoliticalmatters,andCromwellisalongtimedead.Ifyouchoosetoproclaimyourselfaregicide,Ishan'tquarrelwithyou.AllIwantyoutounderstandisthatyoucan'thaveitbothways.NomancanquoteOliverCromwellwithapprovalandstillgooncallinghimselfaloyalist."
"Allthesame,youmaybemistakenaboutMissKing."
"Imay,"saidMeldon;"anymanmaybemistaken,unlesshehappenstobeaPope,whoofcourseneveris,exofficio;butasamatteroffactIveryseldomam,andinthisparticularcaseI'mdemonstrablyright."
"Well,don'tairyourtheorytothejudge;that'sallIcareabout."
"Notbeingaperfectfool,Iwon't.Ihaveaconsiderablenaturaltalentfordiplomacy,asIdaresayyou'veobserved,andI'mnottheleastlikelytostartoffbyputtingupthatjudge'sback.Mygameistopacifyandsoothehiminsuchawaythathewillbecomeouractiveally."
"You'llfindthatdifficultaftertheparaffinoil."
"Ifnecessary,"saidMeldon,"Ishallapologisefortheparaffin,butIscarcelyexpectitwillbenecessary.Thejudgeisasensibleman.Heknowsthatwehavetotaketheroughwiththesmoothinlife.He'llregardthatasamereincident,amoreorlesshumorousincident."
"He'llbeaqueersortofmanifhedoes."
"Andnow,"saidMeldon,"Imustbeoff.It'snearlyteno'clock,thankstoyourlazyhabitofnotbreakfastingtillafternine.Fortunately,I'vestillgotDoyle'sbicycle.Notthatit'satalladependablemachine.Thepedalwillprobablycomeoffonceatleastonmywayin.However,atworst,I'llbetherebyeleven."
Thepedalonthisoccasionheldtoitsplace,andMeldonreachedBallymoyHouseataquartertoeleven.ThedoorwasopenedtohimbyMissKing,whohadseenhimcominguptheavenue.Shegreetedhimwithasmile,and,inreplytohisenquiry,toldhimthatthejudgehadgoneuptheriver.
"Ipromised,"saidMissKing,"tosendhimwordifyoucalled.Ithinkhewantstoseeyou.Won'tyoucomein?I'llsendCallaghantolookforhim."
"Thanks,"saidMeldon."IthinkI'llgoandlookforhimmyself.Ishouldratherlikethewalk,andImightbesomeusetohiminshowinghimthepools.Iusedtofishthisriveragooddealmyselfatonetime.Bytheway,didhesaywhathewantstoseemeabout?"
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"Hedidn'tgointodetails,"saidMissKing,"butIratherthinkhewantstoaskyousomequestionsabout--"
"Didhementionthesubjectofparaffinoil?"
MissKingsmiled.
"I'msorrythat'sweighingonhismind,"saidMeldon."Ithoughthemighthavegotoveritbythistime.However,itwon'ttakelongtoexplainit.Iwon'tsaygood-bye,MissKing.Ishallprobablyseeyouagainthisafternoon."
"Won'tyoucomebackforluncheon?Itwillbereadyathalf-pastone."
"No,thanks.Ican't.ThefactisI'mthinkingofdroppinginonMr.Simpkinsaboutthattime.Hemaybecomingupherewithmeintheafternoon.Hehassomethinghewantstosaytoyou."
"Aboutthefishing?"
"No.Thefactis--butI'dbetterletthepoorfellowexplainhimself.I'llrunoffnowandhuntaboutforSirGilbert.Ifhe'shadanyluckatallthismorninghe'llhaveforgottenabouttheparaffinoilbeforeIgettohim.Good-morning,MissKing.Don'tbelievealltheMajor
saysaboutMr.Simpkins.There'snooneIknowwho'sfairer-mindedinageneralwaythantheMajor.ButinthecaseofMr.Simpkinshe'sregularlywarped,andyououghtnottotakeanynoticeofwhathemayhavesaid."
SirGilbertHawkesbywasuptohiskneesintheriverwhenMeldoncameuponhim.Hewasthrowingaflyoveramostlikelypoolandhadalreadybeenrewardedbyarise.Onthebanklayaremarkablyfinesalmon,atleasttwentypoundsinweight,whichhehadcaught.Hewasinaverycheerfulmood,andfeltkindlytowardseveryoneintheworld.
"Don'tletmeinterruptyou,"saidMeldon."You'reatoneofthebestspotsonthewholeriver.I'llsitdownhereandwaittillyou've
finished."
Butthejudge,thoughaverykeenfisherman,wasevidentlymoreeagertotalktoMeldonthantocatchanothersalmon.Hewadedashoreatonceandlaiddownhisrod.
"I'mverygladtomeetyou,Mr.Meldon,"hesaid."ThereareoneortwoquestionsI'dliketoaskyou."
"Ithoughtthereverylikelywere,"saidMeldon,"andIneedscarcelysaythatI'mperfectlyreadytoanswerthem,sofarasIcanwithproperconsiderationforyourpeaceofmind."
"Mypeaceofmind!"
"Yes.Ishan't,ofcourse,sayanythingwhichwouldbeliabletoupsetyou.Iknowyou'rehereonaholiday,andnothingspoilsaholidaysomuchasworryofanysort.Ihavethegreatestrespectandlikingforyou."
"That'swhatyousaidwhenyouweretellingmethatcock-and-bullstoryaboutthedrains."
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"Doyle'sdrainsarebad,"saidMeldon."Ihardlyexaggeratedatallaboutthat.YouaskSimpkins.Hewanted--Bytheway,haveyoumetSimpkinsyet?"
"No;Ihaven't.Butitisn'taboutSimpkinsIwanttotalknow."
"That'sapity.IenjoytalkingaboutSimpkins.He'snotabadfellowatall,thoughtheMajordoesn'tcareforhim.ButIexpectyou'llmeethimthisafternoon."
"Thanks,"saidthejudge."IshallbegladofthechanceofformingmyownestimateofSimpkins'character.Iamsureitwillagreewithyours.ButtogetbacktowhatIwassayingaboutthedrains.WouldyoumindtellingmewhyyouwentallthewaytoDonardtowarnmeaboutthedrains?"
"Tobeperfectlyfrank--bytheway,doyouwantmetobeperfectlyfrank?"
"Certainly.Evenattheexpenseofmypeaceofmind."
"Idon'tthinkwhatI'mgoingtosaynowwillaffectyourpeaceofmind.Thefactis,IthoughtatthattimethatitwouldbebetterforyounottocometoBallymoy.Ihopeyoudon'tmindmysayingso.I
needscarcelytellyouthatitwasn'tapersonalmatter.There'snothingIshouldenjoymorethanhavingyouherepermanently."
"IsupposethattheCondy'sFluidandtheparaffinoilwere--?"
"Meanstothesameend,"saidMeldon."Theywerekindlymeant.Iftheycausedyouanyseriousinconvenience--"
"Theydid."
"ThenIapologise,franklyandunreservedly.Thefactis,Iactedunderacompletemisapprehension.IfIhadknownthenwhatIknownowIshouldhavewelcomedyou,anddonemybesttomakeyourstayhere
pleasant.That'swhatIintendtodonow;soifanyoneannoysyouintheslightestjustletmeknow,andI'llputastoptotheperformanceatonce."
"Thanks;andnowperhaps,aswe'vegonesofar,you'llsatisfymycuriosityalittlefurtherbyexplainingwhyyouobjecttomypresencehere."
"Idon'tobjecttoitintheleast.Ididonce,asIsaid;butIdon'tnow."
"Whathashappenedtochangeyourviews?"
"NowthatisaquestionIcanhardlyanswerwithoutgoingintosomeveryprivateanddelicatematterswhichIamsureyouwouldnotcaretodiscuss.Itwouldn'tbepleasantforyouifItalkedaboutthem.You'dbesorryafterwards."
"Wouldmypeaceofmindbeaffected?"
"Seriously.That'sthereasonIwon'tgointothematter."
"Allthesame,"saidthejudge,"IthinkI'llhazardaguessaboutit.
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ArethesemysteriousaffairsyoualludetoinanywayconnectedwithMissKing?"
"Isee,"saidMeldon,"thatyou'vebeentalkingitalloverwithher,andthat'sshegivenyouahint,soIneedsaynomore."
"MissKing'sonlyidea,"saidthejudge,"isthatyouthinkI'mlikelytomakemyselfobjectionableinsomewayaboutthefishing.Itappearsthattherehasbeenadispute--"
"ThatmiserablebusinessbetweenSimpkinsandtheMajor.Iknowallaboutthat,andImaysayatoncethatithadnothingwhatevertodowithmyattempttokeepyououtofBallymoy."
"Ithoughtnot.Imerelymentionedittoshowyouthatmynieceisquiteinthedarkaboutyourrealreason,andthatIgotnohintfromher."
"Shemaynotbequiteasmuchinthedark,"saidMeldon,"asshepretendswhenshe'stalkingtoyou.Thesubjectwouldnaturallybeanawkwardoneforhertodiscuss.It'sawkwardenoughforus.Ithinkwe'dbetterdropitatonce."
"Isuppose,"saidthejudgeboldly,"thatyourfriendthoughthe'dhave
abetterchanceifIwerenotheretointerferewithhim."
"Idon'tlikethatwayofputtingthecase,"saidMeldon."WhynotsaythatMissKingwouldhavehadabetterchance?"
"ConsideringthatMissKingismyniece,"saidthejudge,"youwillunderstandthatIratherobjecttoyourwayofputtingit.It'sscarcelyrespectfultoher.Whateverthefactsmaybeinanyparticularcase,there'sawell-establishedconventioninthesematters.Wedon't,anyofus,talkasifitweretheladywhois,sotospeak,theaggressor."
"Iseeyourpoint,thoughinthisparticularcaseIcan'thelp
feeling--Butwhyshouldwegoon?It'sfarbettertodropthesubject."
"ButIdon'tseeyetwhyyoufirstofallwantedtokeepmeoutofBallymoy,andthensuddenlychangedyourmind.Whathappenedintheinterval?"
"Ifyou'requitedeterminedtothrashthematterout,"saidMeldon,"thebestwaywillbetogetatthemainpointatonce.Everythingwillcomeeasiertousafterwehavethatsettled.Haveyouanyobjectiontoourproposal?"
"Whatproposal?"
"Comenow.Iknowthatit'squitethecorrectthingforjudgestoaskridiculousandsillyquestions,affectingnottoknowwhateverybodyintheworldknowsquitewell.Therewasonetheotherday--Idon'tthinkitwasyou--whoinquiredquitesolemnlywhata'bike'was;andIrecollectanother--itwasinahorse-racingcase--whopretendednottoknowthemeaningofthephrase'twotooneon.'Idon'tprofesstounderstandwhyyoualldothatkindofthing,butI'mwillingtosupposethatthere'ssomegoodreasonforit.Idaresayit'swhat'scalledalegalfiction,andisanessentialpartofthemachineryby
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whichjusticeisadministered.Ifso,it'sallrightinitsproperplace;butwhatonearthisthegoodofkeepingitupoutofcourt?SittinghereonthebankofawestofIrelandriver,withalargesalmonlyingdeadatourfeet,itreallyisratherabsurdtoaskmewhatproposal."
"Imerelywanted,"saidthejudge,"tomakequitesure--"
"Youwerequitesure.Youcouldn'thavehadtheslightestdoubtinyourmind.YouyourselfbeganthediscussionaboutMissKing'schancesofmarrying--"
"Isaidyourfriend'schancesofmarryingMissKing."
"Itdoesn'tintheleastmatterwhichyousaid.ThepointjustnowisthatyouknewperfectlywellwhatImeantwhenIspokeoftheproposalatpresentunderdiscussion."
"Hasheproposedyet?"
"No,buthewillthisafternoon;andwhatIwanttogetatiswhetheryou'regoingtoputastoptothemarriageornot."
"I,really--MissKingis,Ithink,quiteabletomanageherown
affairs;andIshouldn'tinanycasecaretointerfere,beyondofferingadviceincaseyourfriendshouldturnouttobeanobviouslyunsuitableperson."
"That'sallright.Ican'texpectyoutosaymorethanthat.Iknewallalongthatyoudidn'twanttohavethethingputtoyouatthepointofthebayonet.You'llrecollectthatIhadnowishtoforceitonyou."
"Youmustn'tsuppose,"saidthejudge,"thatI'minanywaycommittedtoadefinitesupport--"
"Certainlynot,"saidMeldon."Amaninyourpositioncouldn't.I
thoroughlyunderstandthat.AndIhopeyoudon'tthinkthatI'vebeeninanywaydisrespectfultoyou.Ididn'tmeantobe.Ihavethehighestpossibleregardforalljudges,andwhatIsaidjustnowaboutlegalfictionswassimplymeanttoavoidprolongingadiscussionwhichcan'thavebeenpleasantforyou.Andafterall,youknow,itwasratherabsurdyourtryingtocomethejudgeoverme,consideringwhatweweretalkingabout.Youwouldn'thavedoneit,I'msure,ifyou'dstoppedforamomenttoconsiderthepeculiarandratherdelicatecircumstancesunderwhichwearecarryingonthisnegotiation.Iexpectthehabitoftalkinginthatjudicialwaywastoostrongforyou.Youforgotforthemomentwhatitwaswewerespeakingabout,andthoughtitwassomeordinarylawcase.Theforceofhabitisawonderfulthing.Haveyouevernoticed--"
"SofarasIhavebeenabletodiscoveruptothepresent,"saidthejudge,"youaregreatlyinterestedinbringingaboutamarriagebetweenyourfriendandmyniece."
"Interestedisadubioussortofwordtouse,andIdon'tlikeit.Letusbequiteclearaboutwhatwemean.InonesenseIaminterested;inanothersenseIamentirelydisinterested--whichistheexactopposite.Youcatchmypoint,don'tyou?Itisaveryinstructivethingtoreflectonthecuriousambiguityofwords.ButIamsureyoucantell
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memoreaboutthatthanIcanpossiblytellyou.Withyourlegalexperienceyoumusthavecomeacrossscoresofinstancesoftheextraordinarilydeceptivenatureofwords."
"YouthoughtapparentlythatIshouldbelikelytoobjecttothemarriage,andthereforeyoutriedtokeepmeoutofBallymoy,usingmeanswhichmightbedescribedasunscrupulous."
"I'vealreadyapologisedfortheparaffinoil,"saidMeldon."Afullandampleapology,suchasIhaveoffered,isgenerallyconsideredtocloseanincidentofthatkind.Intheoldduellingdays,whenmenusedtogooutatearlydawntoshootateachotherwithpistols,theonewhohadshiedthewineglassattheotherthenightbeforeoftenusedtoapologise;andwhenhedidthepistolswereputupintotheircase,andbothpartieswentbackcomfortablytobreakfast.I'veoftenwonderedthatmenofyourprofession--judges,Imean--didn'tdosomethingeffectivetoputastoptoduelling.Itwasalwaysagainstthelaw,andyetwehadtowaitfortheslowgrowthofpublicopinion--"
"Then,"saidthejudge,"youchangedyourmind,andcametotheconclusionthatmypresenceherewasn'tlikelytointerferewithyourfriend'splans.Nowwillyoutellmewhy--"
"I'vemadethreedistinctandseparateefforts,"saidMeldon,"to
changethesubjectofconversation.Itriedtostartyouoffonhabits,asubjectonwhichalmosteverymanlivingcantalkmoreorless.Ithoughtyou'dhavetakenthatopportunityoftellingthestoryaboutthehorsewhichalwaysstoppedatthedoorofacertainpublichouse,evenafterthetemperancereformerhadboughthim.I'msureyou'dhavelikedtotellthatstory.Everybodydoes."
"Idon't.".
"Soitappears.You'reanexceptionalman.Recognisingthat,Istartedthesubjectofwords,whichismorephilosophical.YoumightquiteeasilyhavegotoffonthedegradationoftheEnglishlanguageowingtothespreadofslang.Thenwecouldhavespentanagreeable
half-hour."
"ButIdidn'twanttotalkaboutwords.I--"
"Isawthat;soIgaveyouanotherchance.Startingontheannalsofyourprofession,Iproposedaquestiontoyouwhichoughttohavearousedinyouadesiretodefendthepublicutilityofthegreatlegalluminariesofthepast.Ipracticallydeniedthatjudgesareanygoodatall.Insteadofshowingme,asyouveryeasilymighthave,thatitwasthejudgeswhocreatedthepublicopinionwhichputastoptoduelling,andnotpublicopinionwhichgoadedthejudgesontohangtheduellists,you--"
"Iwantedtoknow,andIstillwanttoknow,whyyouchangedyourmind."
"Ifyoucan'tthinkthatoutforyourself,"saidMeldon,"I'mnotgoingtodoitforyou.Amanlikeyououghttobeabletofollowaperfectlysimplelineofthoughtlikethat.Ifyoucan'tseetheplainandobviousmentalprocesswhichledtomychangeofopinion,Idon'tseehowyoucanexpecttotracktheobscureworkingsofthecriminalmind.Thecriminal,asofcourseyouknow,isalwaysmoreorlessdemented,andconsequentlydoesn'treasonintheobviousandstraightforwardwayinwhichIdo.Hismentality--"
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"Isupposeyou'rechangingtheconversationagain,"saidthejudge.
"I'mtryingto;butitdoesn'tseemtobemuchuse."
"I'lltalktoyouonanysubjectyouchoosetoselectwithpleasure,"saidthejudge,"ifyou'lltellmewhatitwasthatledtoyourchangeofmindaboutmyprobableactioninthismatterofyourfriend'sproposaltomarrymyniece."
"There'sjustonefactwhichIhaven'tmentioned.Yououghttohave;youperfectlywellmighthaveguessedit.Butasyouhaven't,I'lltellittoyou.WhenIfirstheardofyourcomingtoBallymoy,Ididn'tknowthatyouwereMissKing'suncle.Ionlyfoundthatoutyesterday."
"Thatmakesthingsworsethanever,"saidthejudge."Iwasbeginningdimlytounderstandsomeofyouractionsbeforeyoutoldmethat.NowI'mutterlyandcompletelyatsea.WhyyoushouldhavetriedtostopmecomingtoBallymoyifyoudidn'tknowIwasMissKing'suncleisbeyondmealtogether."
"Ireallycan'tgointothat,"saidMeldon."Youmustunderstanditperfectlywell,andinanycaseI'mboundtorespectMissKing's
confidence.Ican'tpossiblyrepeattoyouthingsshehassaidtomeinastrictlyprivateway."
"Ofcourseifmyniece--butthatpuzzlesmeevenmore.Shehasn'tsaidawordtomeaboutanyprivateunderstandingwithyou."
"Shewouldn't,"saidMeldon,"andIdaresayIoughtnottohavementionedthatsuchathingexists.However,intheend,ofcourse,you'llknowallaboutit."
"Intheend?"
"Yes.Afterthemarriage.Shortlyafter."
"Ifshereallyistobemarried,"saidthejudge,"Iwishshe'dhurryupaboutit.Ihatethesemysteries."
"Youcan'thatethemmorethanIdo,"saidMeldon,"andyoucanrelyuponmetobringthingstotheircrisis,theirpreliminarycrisis--theactualmarriagecan'ttakeplaceforafortnight--assoonaspossible."
"Do.BythepreliminarycrisisIsupposeyoumeantheengagement."
"Certainly.Ishalluseeveryefforttobringthatoffthisafternoon.NowthatIknowyou'reaskeenonitasIammyself,IthinkImaypledgeyoumywordthatitwillcomeoffthisafternoon.But,ifso,I
mustleaveyounow.Good-bye."
CHAPTERXXII.
Itwasnearlytwelveo'clockwhenMeldonleftSirGilbertHawkesby.HewalkedrapidlydowntoBallymoyHouse,andseizedhisbicycle.MissKing,whohadbeenwatchingforhim,ranoutandinvitedhimtostay
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forluncheon.Meldonexcusedhimselfbrieflyonthepleaofreallyurgentbusiness.
"Butcan'tyouspareusevenanhour?"saidMissKingpersuasively.
Meldonsprangintothesaddle.Itwashiscustomtomountfromthepedal,andonthisoccasionthepedalcameoff.
"Now,"saidMissKing,"yourbicycleisbrokenandyoumuststay."
"It'sDoyle'sbicycle,"hesaid."Iwouldn'townamachinelikethis.MytemperwouldwearthininaweekifIdid."
Heturnedthebicycleupsidedown,andsettoworkvigorouslywithawrench.
"If,"saidMeldon,"mybusinessweremyown--that'stosay,ifIwereactinginmyprivatecapacityformyowninterests--Ishouldletthewholethingslideatonce."Hescrewedhardatanutashespoke."ButwhatIhavetodoconcernsthewholecommunityhere.Itisalsoofthegreatestimportancetoyou,MissKing."
"Tome?"
"Andmyactionhas,Imayadd,thewarmestapprovalofthejudge.There!Thankgoodness,thatwretchedthingisstuckonagain.Good-byeforthepresent,MissKing."
"But--Oh,dowaitforamoment!Youreallymustexplain--"
Meldonmountedandrodeawaywhileshespoke.Justbeforehedisappearedfromview,heturnedhisheadandshoutedback,--
"You'llknowallaboutitthisafternoon,MissKing."
Heroderapidlydowntothevillage,anddismountedatthedoorofSimpkins'office.Itwasshut.Meldonknockedloudlyseveraltimes,
butreceivednoanswer.HemountedhisbicycleagainandrodeoffathighspeedtoSimpkins'house.Herethedoorwasopenedtohimbythered-hairedservant.
"IwanttoseeMr.Simpkinsatonce,"saidMeldon.
"It'llfailyoutodothat,"saidthegirl,"forheisn'twithin."
"Tellmethis,now,"saidMeldon."Aren'tyouacousinofSabinaGallagher's?"
"Iam,ofcourse."
"Verywell.I'mafriendofSabina's.I'mthechief,ifnottheonlyfriendSabinahasinBallymoy,Idaresayshe'stoldyouthatherself."
"Shehasnotthen;forIdidn'tseeherthislastweekonlytheonce."
"Well,youmusttakemywordforitthatIam.Now,recollectingthatfact,Iexpectyoutoshowaproperfamilyfeelingandtotreatthefriendsofyournearrelationsasiftheywereyourown.IsMr.Simpkinsreallyout,orishesimplyinbedandashamedtoconfessit?"
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"Heisnotinbed.Norhewasn'tinitsincenineo'clockthismorning.It'sawayoffheiseversincehehadhisbreakfast;andifyoudon'tbelievewhatI'mtellingyou,youcangoupstairsandseeforyourself."
"Idobelieveyou,"saidMeldon."Wherehashegoneto?"
"HowwouldIknow?Barringthathetookapacketofsandwicheswithhim,Idon'tknowwhereheisnomorethanyourself."
"Sandwiches!Thatlooksasifhewon'tbebackforluncheon."
"Hewillnotthen,forhetoldmeso."
"Didhegoonhisbicycle?"
"Itcouldbethathedid,forit'snotwithininthehouse."
"Thenwemayassumethathedid,"saidMeldon,"anditfollowsfromthatthatheintendedtogosomedistance.Nowtellmethis,whatdirectiondidhestartin?"
"HowwouldIknow?AssoonaseverIhadthesandwichesmadeforhimIwenttofeedthefowl,andbyreasonofthewaythewhitehenhasof
ramblingandherchickensalongwithher--"
"Thanks,"saidMeldon."Ifitwasn'tthatIhavetofindMr.Simpkinsatonce,I'dstayandhearaboutthewhitehen.ButunderthecircumstancesIcan't.Good-bye."
HerodedowntothehotelandfoundDoyle,whowassittingonthewindow-sillofthecommercialroomreadinganewspaper.
"Doyle,"hesaid,"where'sSimpkinsgone?"
"Idon'tknow,"saidDoyle,"thathe'sgoneanywhere;thoughI'dbegladifhedid,andthattoagood,far-offkindofaplace."
"Didyouseehimthismorning?"
"Idid.Iseenhim.Itmighthavebeenhalf-pasttenormaybeeleveno'clock--"
"Onhisbicycle?"
"Hewasonhisbicycle."
"Wherewashegoing?"
"Idon'tknowwherehewasgoing,forIdidn'task,notcaring;unless
itmightbetosomeplacethathewouldn'tgetbackfromtooeasy."
"Itisoftheutmostpossibleimportance,"saidMeldon,"thatIshouldknowwherehe'sgone.IampledgedtoproducehimatBallymoyHousethisafternoon.UnlessIdo,ourwholeplanforgettingridofhimislikelytomiscarry."
"I'msorrytohearthat,"saidDoyle."ButIcouldn'ttellyouwherehewent,notifitwastohavehimhangedwhenyoucaughthim."
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"Iamnotgoingtohavehimhanged,"saidMeldon."Ican't;forhehasn'tdoneanything,sofarasIknow,thatanycourtwouldcondemnhimfor.WhatIwantistogethimmarried."
"Married,isit?"
"Yes,toMissKing."
"But--Whatyousaidatthefirstgo-off,thedayyouwaswithintalkingtomeandthedoctor,wasthatyou'd--"
"Ican'tpossiblyenterintoalongexplanationnow,"saidMeldon;"butifyouwanttogetridofSimpkinspermanently,you'llrackyourbrainsandhelpmetofindoutwherehe'sgoneto-day."
Doylethoughtdeeplyforacoupleofminutes.
"Wherehe'sgone,"hesaidatlast,"isbeyondme.ButItooknoticeofthetrousershehadonhimwhenhewasstarting.I'mnotsurewillitbeanyusetoyoutoknowit,buttheywaswhite."
"Good,"saidMeldon."Asithappens,thatfactdoesthrowagreatdealoflightontheproblem.Nomanwearswhitetrousersunlesshe'sgoingboatingonafineday,orgoingtoplaycricket,orgoingtoplaylawn
tennis.Wemaycrossofftheboatingatonce.Simpkinswouldn'tgoinaboatvoluntarily,evenonthefinestday.Wemayalsoexcludecricket;becausethere'snocricketwithinfiftymilesofBallymoyinanydirection.Thereonlyremainstennis;sowemaytakeitascertainthatitislawntenniswhichSimpkinshasgonetoplay.Youfollowmesofar,Isuppose,Doyle."
"Itmightbewhattheycallgolf."
"No,itcouldn't.Youdon'tunderstandthesethings,Doyle;but,asamatteroffact,nooneplaysgolfinwhitetrousers.Itwouldn'tbeconsideredproper,andsowemaybeperfectlycertainthatSimpkinswouldn'tdoit."
"Iwouldn'tsay,"saidDoyle,"thatyou'remuchnearerknowingwherehe'sgoneto."
"Notmuch,butIamalittle.Ihappentoknow--Sabina'sred-hairedcousintoldme--thathehastakenapacketofsandwicheswithhimanddoesn'texpecttobehometilllate.Itfollowsfromthatthathe'snotplayingtennisinthisimmediateneighbourhood.Italsofollowsthatheisn'tgoingtoanyfriend'shouse.Nobodyeverbringssandwichestoaprivatetennisparty.ThereforeSimpkinsmusthavegonetoplayatsomesortofclub."
"UnlessitwouldbeatDonard,"saidDoyle,"Idon'tknowwherethere'd
beathingofthekind."
"Right,"saidMeldon."And,asamatteroffact,thereisaclubatDonard.Iknowthat,becauseIwasonceinvitedtoplaythereinatournament.IthinkwemayfeeltolerablycertainthatSimpkinsisthere.Letmeseenow.It'snotquiteoneo'clock.IfIridefast--I'llborrowthedoctor'sbicycle.Ican'tstandthisloosepedalofyoursanymore.IfIridefastI'llbetherebyhalf-pasttwo.Saytwentyminutestothree.AllowingfortwentyminutesinwhichtopersuadeSimpkinstostarthomeatonce,Ioughttobeonmywayback
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bythree.I'llhustlehimalongabit,andthere'snoreasonthatIcanseewhyheshouldn'tbeatBallymoyHousebyhalf-pastfive."
"You'llneverdoallthat,"saidDoyle."Isitlikelyhe'llgowithyou?"
"It'snotexactlylikely,buthewill.Ishallspeaktohiminsuchawaythathepracticallymust.Getmethedoctor'sbicycleatonce."
"Ifit'sthatyouwant,"saidDoyle,"youhaven'tfartogotolookforit.It'swithininthehallthisminute,forheleftitherelastnight,sayinghe'dberoundforitthismorning."
"Good.I'lltakeitatonceandbeoff."
ThegroundsoftheDonardtennisclubarepleasantlysituatedaboutamileoutsidethetownontheBallymoyroad.Meldonreachedthemwellbeforethetimehehadarranged,passingthroughthegateataquarterpasttwoo'clock.Theannualtennistournamentwasinfullswing.Allthreecourtswereoccupiedbyplayers,andaneagercrowdofspectatorsstoodroundwatchingtheprogressofthematches.Simpkinswasperchedontopofastepladder,actingasumpirefortwoladies.Hispositionrenderedhimveryconspicuous,andMeldoncaughtsightofhimatonce.Hetookashortcutthroughacourtwhereamixeddoublewasin
progressandseizedSimpkinsbytheleg.
"Simpkins,"hesaid,"getoffthatladderatonce."
Simpkinswassurprised.Sowerethetwoladieswhowereplayingtennis.TheystoppedtheirgameandstaredatMeldon.ThentheyglancedatSimpkinswithpuzzledsuspicion.Men,aseveryoneisaware,evenmenwithreputationsforrespectability,aresometimesarrestedsuddenlyinthemostunlikelyplacesforcrimesofwhichnooneeversuspectedthem.Itistruethattheyareveryrarelyarrestedbyclergymen,butitisonrecordofthemostfamousofalldetectivesthatheonceassumedthedressofaclergymanasadisguise.TheladywhowasservingwhenMeldoninterruptedthegamehadreadthehistory
ofthatdetective'slife.ShelookedatSimpkinswithawedhorror.Simpkinswriggleduncomfortablyonhisladder.Hewasconsciousofbeingplacedinaveryunpleasantposition,andwasanxious,ifpossible,todiverttheattentionoftheladies.
"Forty-fifteen,"hesaidloudly,buterroneously,forthescorewasthirtyall.ThenheturnedtoMeldonandaddedinawhisper:"Goawayatonce,please."
Hehopedthattheladieswouldgoonwiththeirgame.Theydidnot.Hehadgiventheirscorewrongly,andtheybecamemoresuspiciousthanever.NordidMeldonstir.
"Comedownoffthatladderatonce,"saidMeldon."Idon'twanttomakeaveryunpleasantaffairpublicproperty;butifyoudon'tcomedown,I'llspeakout,andthere'sasmallcrowdgatheringroundus."
Thiswastrue.Theladywhohadbeenservingdroppedthetwoballssheheldinherhandandsidleduptowardsthestepladder.Anumberofpeople,whohadbeenwatchinganexcitingmatchinthenextcourt,leftit,andapproachedMeldontofindoutwhatwasgoingon.Simpkins'consciencewasquiteatease.Hehaddonenothingwrong.Hewasnot,asfarashewasaware,mixedupinanythingunpleasant.His
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innocence,thoughitdidnotmakehimfeelcomfortable,gavehimcouragetoattemptanargumentwithMeldon.
"WhyshouldIcomedown?"hesaid."I'mumpiringinthismatch,andIseenoreasonforleavingitinthemiddle."
"Verywell,"saidMeldon."Ifyouchoosetotakeupthatsortofattitudeyou'llonlyhaveyourselftothankfortheunpleasantnesswhichwillfollow.Still,I'vealwayshadaregardforyou,althoughyou'renotwhatI'dcallpopularwiththepeopleofBallymoy,soIwon'tsaymorethanIcanhelpatfirst.HaveyouforgottenMissKing?"
"No,"saidSimpkins,"Ihaven't.WhyshouldI?Imeantosay,there'snothingparticularformetorememberaboutMissKing."
Thesecretaryofthetennisclubpushedhiswaythroughthecrowd.Hewasinanexcitedandirritatedcondition.Everysinglecompetitorhadcomplainedthatthehandicappingwasdisgracefullydone.Somewereangrybecausetheirskillwasreckonedtoocheaply;othersthoughtthattheirchancesofwinningwereundulyprejudiced.Theyhadallexpressedtheiropinionsfreelytothesecretary.Itwasalsobecomingmoreandmoreevidentthatthetournamentcouldnotpossiblybefinishedinthetimeallottedtoit.Thesecretaryhadspentthemorningurgingtheplayersnottowastetime.Itparticularlyannoyed
himtoseethatSimpkins'twoladieshadstoppedplaying.
"What'sthematter?"hesaid."Whythe--Imeantosay,whyonearthdon'tyougoonwithyourgame?"
"I'msorrytointerrupttheproceedings,"saidMeldon,"butitisimperativelynecessaryformetohaveafewwordsinprivatewithSimpkins."
ThesecretaryturnedonSimpkinsatonce.Hewasoneofthepeoplewhohadgrumbledmostloudlyandcontinuouslyabouthishandicap.Hehadalsowastedtimebyraisingobscurepointsoflawontwooccasions.Thesecretaryhadconceivedastrongdislikeforhim.
"Whydon'tyougo,"hesaid,"andhearwhatthisgentlemanhastosay?I'llgetanotherumpire."
"Hehasn'tanythingtosaytome,"saidSimpkins.
"Hesayshehas,"saidthesecretary,"andheoughttoknow."
"Quiteright,"saidMeldon."I'mtheonlypersonwhodoesknow.Simpkinscan'tbereallycertainthatIhaven'tuntilhecomesandlistens."
"Goatonce,"saidthesecretary.
Simpkinslookedroundhimforsympathy,butgotnone.Publicopinionwasdeadagainsthim.ThementionofMissKing,whomnobodyknew,suggestedthepossibilityofsomehorribleanddeeplyinterestingscandal.Simpkinsgotdownfromhisladder.Meldonatoncetookhimbythearmandledhimaway.
"Where'syourbicycle?"hesaid.
"Whatonearthdoyouwantwithme?"saidSimpkins."It'squite
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intolerable--"
"MissKingiswaitingforyou,"saidMeldon."Sheexpectsyouthisafternoon,andifyoustartatonceyou'lljustbethereintime."
"ButI'venoengagementwithMissKing."
"Youhavenot,"saidMeldon,"atpresent.Butyousoonwillhaveanengagementofthemostsolemnandenduringkind."
"Whatonearthdoyoumean?"
"Lookhere,"saidMeldon."There'snousebeatingaboutthebushwhenwehaven'tamomenttospare.YougavemetounderstandthatyouwantedtomarryMissKing."
"Ididn't.AllIsaidwas--"
"Thatwon'tdo,"saidMeldon."Youmaythinkthatyoucanplayfastandloosewithapoorgirl'saffectionsinthatsortofway,andsoyoumightifshewaslonelyandunprotected.ButasithappensthatjudgewhocametoBallymoytheotherdayturnedouttobeMissKing'suncle,andhe'squitedeterminedtoseethisbusinessthrough.Iwastellinghimaboutitthismorning.Ipledgedmywordtohaveyouonthespot
thisafternoon,andtogetthewholethingsettledbeforedinner."
"Butthisisutterlyridiculous.I'veonlyspokentothewomanthreetimesinmylife."
"Agooddealcanbedoneinthreeinterviews,"saidMeldon."Inthiscaseitappearsthatagooddealhasbeendone.Idon'tprofesstoknowexactlywhatyousaidtoMissKing--"
"Ineversaidanythingtoher."
"Doyoumeantoassertthatyouwentthroughthreeinterviewswithoututteringasingleword."
"Ofcoursenot.WhatImeantosayis--"
"Nowyou'rebeginningtohedge,"saidMeldon,"andthat'sabadsign,anuncommonlybadsign.Nomanhedgesinthatsortofwayunlesshehassomethingtoconceal.It'sperfectlyplaintomethatyousaidagooddealtoMissKing.Anyhow,sheevidentlythinksyoudid.Shetoldthewholestorytothejudgelastnight,andhespoketomeaboutitthismorning."
"Toldwhatstory?"
"Yourstory.AndtheupshotofitwasthatIpromisedtobringyou
therethisafternoon.It'sallarranged.MissKingistobeathome.Thejudgewillbeuptheriver.IshallleaveyouwithMissKing,andthenjointhejudge.Weshallgiveyouaclearhour,andwhenwecomebackweshallexpecttohearthatthewholethingissettled."
"Ineverheardofsuchanabsurdentanglementinmylife."
"Thereisnoentanglementaboutit.It'sperfectlysimple,plain,andstraightforward.Where'syourbicycle?"
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Simpkinswavered.
"Perhaps,"hesaid,"I'dbettergoandexplain.It'saninfernalnuisance--"
"Idon'tquiteknowwhatyoumeanbyexplaining,"saidMeldon."Thereseemstomeonlyonethingforyoutodo,andthatistogoatonceandoffertomarryMissKing.Where'syourbicycle?"
"It'sbehindthetent;butImusttellthesecretarythatI'mgoing.I'mafraidhe'llbeangry."
"Ifthatbald-headedmanwiththewhitemoustacheisthesecretary,"saidMeldon,"Ishouldsayfromthewayhespokejustnowthathe'llbeextremelyglad.Ifyoutellhimthewholestoryyou'llfindthathe'llquiteagreewithmeaboutwhatyourdutyis."
"Ishan'ttellhim,andIhopeyouwon't."
"Icertainlywon't,"saidMeldon."Ihavetoohighasenseofthevalueoftimetowasteittellingstoriestothatsecretary.Comealongandgetyourbicycle."
"It'sjustaswell,"saidMeldonafewminuteslater,whenheand
Simpkinshadmountedtheirbicycles--"it'sjustaswellthatyouhaveonthosewhitetrousersandacoolsortofshirt.We'vegottorideprettyfast,anditwouldn'tdoforyoutoarriveinastateofreekingheat."
"Iwantyoutounderstandclearly,"saidSimpkins,"thatI'mnotgoingtodoanythingmorethanexplaintoMissKingthatsomeabsurdmistakehasarisen;explain,andapologise."
"Ifyouliketocallitexplaining,youcan.ButIstronglyrecommendyoutodoitthoroughly.ImaytellyouthatIhaveCallaghanpostedbehindatreetowatchyou,andifyoudon'tofferMissKingpropertokensofaffection,Ishallhearofit,andsowillthejudge.It's
scarcelynecessaryformetotellyou,Simpkins,thatthejudgeisn'tamantobetrifledwith."
"Tokensofaffection!DoyoumeanthatI--?"
"Ido,"saidMeldon."Imeanthatexactly.Andyou'retodoitasifyoulikedit.Youveryprobablywilllikeit,onceyou'vebrokentheice."
Forafewminutestheyrodeoninsilence.ThenSimpkinsspokeagain,--
"DoyoumeanthatIshould--thatIshouldholdherhandandkissher?"
"Afteryou'veproposedtoher,"saidMeldon,"notbefore.ItwouldbewhatCallaghancallsimproprietyofconductifyoudiditbefore,andhe'dprobablyinterruptyou.Hedoesn'tlikethatsortofthing.Ishouldn'tlikeitmyselfeither,andIdon'tthinkthejudgewould,althoughhe'sevidentlyaliberal-mindedman."
"Icouldn'tpossiblydothat,"saidSimpkins."I'veonlyspokentoherthreetimes."
"You'llhaveto,"saidMeldon,"aftershe'sacceptedyou.It'sthe
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usualthing.MissKingwillbeangry,quiterightlyangryandinsulted,ifyoudon't.Youreadanynovelyoulike,andyou'llfindthatassoonasevertheherohasproposedtotheheroine,oftenwithoutwaitingforheranswer,herainspassionatekissesonsomepartofher,generallyherhair.Idon'taskyoutogoasfarasthat;butoneortwokisses--youcanbeginwithherhandifyoulike,andworkongradually."
"OfcourseIshalldonothingofthesort,"saidSimpkins."IshallsimplyexplaintoMissKingthatowingtosomesortofmuddle--"
"IfIwereyou,Simpkins,Ishouldn'ttalktoomuch.Fromthegaspysortofwayyou'respeakingnow,Iimagineyou'renotinparticularlygoodtraining,andyouhavealongridebeforeyou.Itwillbemostunfortunateif,whenI'veplantedyoudowninfrontofMissKing,youareunabletodoanythingexceptpant.Nogirlwouldstandthat.Byfarthebestplanforyouistobreatheentirelythroughyournose,andsitwellbackinyoursaddle,sothatyourchestandlungsarekeptproperlyexpanded."
Simpkinsspokenomoreforsometime.Hemayhaveconsideredtheadvicegood.Hemayhavefeltanincreasingdifficultyintalkingwhenridingveryrapidly.WhentheyreachedBallymoythereweresignsofunusualexcitementinthestreet.DoyleandO'Donoghuewerestanding
onthestepsofthehotel.Asmallcrowdhadgatheredontheroadinfrontofthem.Mostoftheshopkeeperswereatthedoorsoftheirshops.Aconsiderablenumberofwomenwerelookingoutoftheupperwindowsofthehouses.Acheeraroseasthetwobicyclistspassedthroughthetown.Meldontookoffhishatandwavedit.
"Musha,goodlucktoyou,"shoutedawoman'svoice.
"That,"saidMeldon,"isalmostcertainlySabinaGallagher.She'snaturallygreatlyinterestedonaccountofhercousin."
"Interestedinwhat?"gaspedSimpkins.
"Yourmarriage,"saidMeldon."ImentionedittoDoylethismorning,andhehasevidentlytoldeveryoneabouttheplace."
Simpkinsstoppedabruptlyandgotoffhisbicycle.
"I'mdamned,"hesaid,"ifI'mgoingtostandthis."
Meldonalsodismounted.
"Getupatonce,Simpkins,"hesaid."Wearelateenoughasitis."
"I'mgoingstraighthome,"saidSimpkins.
"FromthelookofDoyleandO'Donoghueandthecrowdtherewasinthestreet,"saidMeldon,"Ishouldsaythatthey'llprobablymobyouifyougobacknow.You'renotoverandabovepopularintheplaceasthingsstand;and,ifthepeoplethinkthatyou'rebehavingbadlytoMissKing,they'llverylikelykillyou.FromwhatI'veheardsinceI'vebeenhereIdon'texpectthepolicewillinterferetosaveyou."
"I'mnotgoingtobemadeapubliclaughingstock."
"You'llbethatandworseifyouturnback.Thereisn'tawomanora
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girlabouttheplacebutwillbemakingjokesaboutyouifyoufunkitnow.Comeon."
Simpkinslookedbackatthestreethehadjustleft.Thepeoplewerestandingtogethergazingafterhimcuriously.Hemountedhisbicycleandrodeon,followedbyMeldon.
"IshallexplaintoMissKing,"hesaid,"thattheunpleasantsituationinwhichwefindourselvesplacedisinnowaymyfault."
"Youcantrythatifyoulike,"saidMeldon."ButIdon'texpectshe'llbeatallsatisfied."
CHAPTERXXIII.
Inspiteofthefactthathistrouserswerewhiteinsteadofblack,andthatheworeashirtwithasoftcollarattachedtoit,SimpkinslookedhotterandmoredishevelledthanMeldonwhentheyarrivedtogetheratthegateofBallymoyHouse.Theyhadriddenfast,anditwasonlyalittleafterfiveo'clockwhentheyturnedoffthehighroadintotheshadyavenue.
"Now,"saidMeldon,"youcandismountifyoulike,andwalkupunderthetreestocoolyourself.Iquiteadmitthatanappearanceofbreathlesseagernessissuitableenoughunderthecircumstances.Everywomanlikestofeelthatamanwouldcometoheratthetopofhisspeed.Still,it'squitepossibletooverdoit,andIthinkyou'dbebetterthisminuteofbeingalittlelesspurpleintheface.Areyouverythirsty?"
"Iam,"saidSimpkins."Anybodywouldbe."
Hespokerathersulkily.HeresentedthewayinwhichMeldonhadforcedhimtoride,andhedidnotlikepayingavisittoalady,even
thoughhedidnotintendtoproposetomarryher,whenhewascoveredfromheadtofootwithdust.
"You'renottoothirstytospeak,anyhow,"saidMeldon."Iwasafraidyoumightbe.Itwouldn'thavedoneifyourmouthhadbeenallparchedupliketheAncientMariner's,justbeforehebithisarmandsuckedtheblood.Recollectthatyouhavetospeakdistinctlyandslowly,aswellaspersuasively.Youcan'texpectMissKingtodoallthetalkinginthiscase.Herbusinessistoblushandhangback."
"I'vetoldyoualready,"saidSimpkins,"thatI'msimply--"
"Don'tstartanargument;buttakeawispofgrassandwipeasmuch
dustoffyourshoesasyoucan.Idon'tobjecttodustyshoesformyselfintheleast,buttheydon'tsuityourstyle."
Simpkinsdidashewastold,forhedidnotshareMeldon'sindifferencetodust.Healsowipedhisfacecarefullywithapockethandkerchief,givingitastreakylook.
"Idon'tthink,"saidMeldon,"thatyou'veimprovedyourappearancemuchbythatlastperformance.Youwerebetterbefore.Butnevermind.MissKinghasseenyouatyourbest,theSundayafternoonI
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broughtyouuptocall,andshe'llrecollectwhatyoulookedlikethen.Inanycase,nothingyoucandowillmakeyouasghastlyasyouwerethatdayontheyacht.Ifsheputupwithyouthen,shewon'tmindyounow.Comeon."
Theylefttheirbicyclesnearthegate,andwalkeduptogetheralongtheavenue.
"Pullyourselftogethernow,Simpkins,"saidMeldon."Thecrisisofyourlifeisalmostonyou.Whenweturnthenextcorneryou'llseeMissKingseatedonawickerchaironthelawn,waitingforyou.Atfirstshe'llpretendnottoseeus;though,ofcourse,shewillseeusoutofthecornerofhereye.Whenwegetquiteclose,soclosethatshecan'tpossiblyignoreusanylonger,shewilllookupsuddenly,castdownhereyesagainwithablush,andexhibiteverysignofpleasurableembarrassment.Thatwillbeyouropportunity.Stepforwardandflingyourselfatherfeet,ifthat'sthewayyouhavedeterminedtodoit.Ishallslipquietlyaway,andbeoutofsightalmostatonce....Hullo!"
Theexclamationwasoneofextremesurprise.Thescene,whenheturnedthecorner,wasnotexactlyashehaddescribedittoSimpkins.MissKing,indeed,wasthere,seatedinawickerchair,verymuchashehadexpected.Besideherwasatablelitteredwithteathings.Ather
feet,onarug,satMajorKent,inanawkwardattitude,withapeculiarlysillylookonhisface.SirGilbertHawkesbysatupright,atalittledistance,inanotherchair.HeappearedtobedeliveringsomekindofanaddresstoMissKingandMajorKent.
"This,"saidMeldon,"isawkward,uncommonlyawkward.Youseetheresultofbeinglate,Simpkins.Thejudgehasevidentlygivenyouup,andcomedownfromtheriver.WhattheMajorisdoinghere,Ican'tsay.He'sthesortofmanwhowillblunder,ifblunderingispossible."
"Ithink,"saidSimpkins,"thatwe'dbetterturnback.Icancallto-morrowinstead."
"Certainlynot,"saidMeldon."It'llbeallright.Thejudgeknowswhatisexpectedofhim,andwilldisappearatonce,makingaplausibleexcuse,soasnottoembarrassMissKingunnecessarily.IshalldealwiththeMajor.Itwon'ttakemefiveminutes."
"Still,"saidSimpkins,"itmightbebetter--"
"Youcan'trunawaynow,inanycase,"saidMeldon."They'veseenus.--Hullo,MissKing!Hereweareatlast.I'msureyouthoughtwewerenevercoming."
HedraggedSimpkinsforwardbythearm.MissKing,blushingdeeply,toMeldon'sgreatdelight,rosefromherchairandcameforwardtomeet
them.Thejudge,abroadsmileonhisface,followedher.TheMajorhungaboutinthebackground,andappearedtobenervous.
"You'dlikesometea,I'msure,"saidMissKing.
"Notforme,"saidMeldon;"butMr.Simpkinswillbedelightedtogetacup."
"Oh!butyoumusthavesome,"saidMissKing."Youlooksohot."
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"Mr.Simpkinsishot.I'mnotintheleast.Infact,whatI'dlikemostwouldbeashortstrolluptheriverwithSirGilbertandtheMajor."
"Certainly,"saidthejudge."I'vehadmytea,andI'mquitereadyforawalk."
"Comealong,Major,"saidMeldon.
MajorKentshowednosignofmoving.HehadestablishedhimselfbehindMissKing'schair,andwaseyeingSimpkinswithanexpressionofhostilityanddistrust.
"NevermindtheMajor,"saidthejudge."He'sallrightwhereheis."
HetookMeldon'sarmashespokeandstrolledoffacrossthelawn.MeldonturnedandwinkedangrilyattheMajor.Thejudgebegananaccountofthecaptureofhislastsalmon,holdingfasttoMeldon'sarm.
"Excusemeonemoment,"saidMeldon."ImustgivetheMajorahint.He'soneofthosemenwho,thoughextremelykindandsympathetic,isoftenalittlewantingintact."
"He'sallright,"saidthejudge."He'squitehappy."
"Idaresayheis,"saidMeldon."MypointisthatSimpkinsisn't.Howcanhepossibly--?"
"Nowthatwe'reoutofearshot,"saidthejudge,"Ihopethatyou'llallowmetocongratulateyouonthesuccessofyourplan.Yourmanagementofthedetailswasadmirable."
Meldonwassusceptibletothiskindofflattery,andhefeltthathedeservedalittlepraise.IthadbeennoeasymattertotrackSimpkinstoDonard,andverydifficulttobringhimbacktoBallymoy.HeforgottheMajorforamomentandwentwillinglywiththejudge.
"Ihadratherajobofit,"hesaid."IhadtogothewholewaytoDonardtogethim."
Thejudgeseemedsurprised.
"Really!"hesaid."Ishouldhardlyhavethoughtthere'sbeentimeforyoutogoandcomeback."
"Irideprettyfast,"saidMeldon,withanairofsatisfaction.
"AndtheMajorneversaidawordaboutit."
"TheMajordidn'tknow.Idon'ttelltheMajorallthedetailsofmy
plans.Youscarcelyknowhimyet,SirGilbert.Whenyoudoyou'llunderstandthatheisn'tthekindofmantowhomanyonewouldconfidetheworkingoutofadelicatenegotiation.He'sathoroughgentleman,quitethebesttypeofmilitaryofficer;amanwhomightbetrustedtorunabsolutelystraightunderanycircumstances.Buthehasthedefectsofhisqualities.He'sratherthick-headed,andhetakesanextraordinarydelightinarguing."
"I'mgladtohearyouspeaksowellofhim,"saidthejudge,"nowthathe's--"
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"IthinkI'llgobackandgethimnow,"saidMeldon."HehasaverystrongdislikeforSimpkins,andIwouldn'tlikehimtobreakoutinanywaybeforeMissKing.Itmightbeawkwardforher."
"Hewon't,"saidthejudge."Inhispresenttemperhewon'tbreakoutagainstanyone.He'salmostidioticallyhappy.Youmighthaveseenitinhisface."
"Hehadasheepishlook,"saidMeldon."It'sacuriousthing,isn'tit,SirGilbert,thatwhenamanisreallysatisfiedwithhimselfhegetstolooklikeasheep.Idaresayyou'venoticedit,orperhapsyouhaven't.Inyourparticularlineoflifeyoucomemoreintocontactwithpeoplewhoareextremelydissatisfied.Still,occasionallyyoumusthavehadachanceofseeingsomeonewhohadjusthadanunusualstrokeofgoodluck.Mrs.Lorimer,forinstance"--Meldonwinkedatthejudge--"whenthejurybroughtinitsverdictof'NotGuilty.'ButIreallymustrunbackfortheMajor."
ThejudgeseemeddisinclinedtodiscussMrs.Lorimer,butheheldfasttoMeldon'sarm.
"Afterwhatyousaidtomethismorning,"hesaid,"theeventsoftheafternoonwerenotaltogetherasurprise,thoughIconfessIdidn't
knowthatmyniececaredasmuchasshedoes."
"Oh,she'sverykeenonit."
"Soitappears;butwouldyoumindtellingmehowyouknewthat?"
"Shetoldmesoherself."
"She--Oh!"
ThejudgelookedMeldonstraightintheface.Hewassurprised,andevidentlysceptical.
"Ifyoudon'tbelieveme,"saidMeldon,"askMissKing."
"Anyhow,"saidthejudge,"howeveryouknewit,youwereperfectlyright.Idon'tliketogointodetails,butwhenIcamedownfromtheriverthisafternoonthepositionofaffairswasquiteplaintome."
"Shewaslookingeager,Isuppose,andperhapsalittleanxious."
"Ishouldhardlysayanxious.Thefactisthatthey--"
"WastheMajortherethen?"
"Ofcoursehewas,"saidthejudge.
"Idon'tseeany'ofcourse'aboutit.Hemighthavecomeafterwards."
"Ifyou'dseenwhatIsaw,"saidthejudge--"amereglimpse,ofcourseIcoughedatonce.Butifyou'dbeenthereyou'dknowthathecouldn'thavecomeafterwards.Hemusthavebeenthereforsometime."
"Idon'tknowwhatyoumean,"saidMeldon.
"Ifyouwillhaveitinplainlanguage,"saidthejudge,"thewhole
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thingwassettled,andtheusualaccompanimentswereinfullswing."
"DoyoumeantosuggestthatmyfriendMajorKentwaskissingMissKing?"
"AswellasIcouldsee,hewas."
"Afterproposingtoher?"
"Certainly.Hewouldn'tdoitbefore."
"There'sbeensomefrightfulmistake,"saidMeldon."Imustgobackandsetthingsstraightatonce."
"Waitaminute.Surelythisiswhatyouwantedallalong?"
"No.Itisn't.WhatIarranged--whatdoyousupposeIbroughtSimpkinsherefor?"
"Idon'tknowintheleast.Totellyouthetruth,Simpkinsstrikesmeasdetrop.Whatdidyoubringhimfor?"
"IbroughthimtomarryMissKing,ofcourse."
"Imusthavemisunderstoodyouthismorning,"saidthejudge."IthoughtMajorKentwasthemanyouwerebacking."
"Youcan'thavethoughtthat,"saidMeldon."Ispokequiteplainly."
"Mynieceseemstohavemadethesamemistake,"saidthejudge."I'msureshewasquitepreparedtotakethemanyourecommended,whoeverhewas,andshehastakenMajorKent.Youcan'thavespokenasplainlyasyouthoughtyoudid.Webothtookyouupwrong."
"WhobroughttheMajorhere?"
"Tilljustthisminute"saidthejudge,"Ithoughtyoudid."
"Ididn't.HowcouldIpossiblyhavebroughthimwhenIwasonatDonardkidnappingthatidiotSimpkins,andcarryinghimofffromthemiddleofatennistournament.ItoughttohavebeenperfectlyobviousthatIcouldn'thavebroughttheMajorhere.Evenyou,withyourextraordinaryfacultyformakingmistakesaboutperfectlysimplethings,mustbeabletoseethat."
"Ifyoudidn'tbringhim,"saidthejudge,"Isupposehecamebyhimself.VerylikelyhefellintothesamemistakethatmynieceandIdid.Hemayhavethoughtyouwantedhimtomarryher."
"Hecan'tpossiblyhavethoughtanythingofthesort.I'vetoldhim
allalong--infact,itwasreallyhisplan."
"ThatSimpkinsshouldmarrymyniece?"
"Yes.We'vetalkeditoveradozentimesatleast."
"Ofthetwo,"saidthejudge,"I'dratherhavetheMajorforanephew.Iscarcelyknowhim,andIdon'tknowSimpkinsatall;butjudgingsimplybyappearances,IshouldsaythattheMajoristhebetterman."
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"Heis,decidedly.Simpkinsisineverywayhisinferior.Thefactis--Idon'twanttosayanythingtohurtyourfeelings."
"Don'tmindmyfeelings.They'reaccustomedtolaceration."
"Well,IthinktheMajoristoogoodamanto--"
"Youcan'texpectmetoagreewithyouthere,"saidthejudge."ButIappreciateyourpointofview,andIrespectyourfeelingofaffectionforyourfriend."
"There'snousebeatingaboutthebushinthisway,"saidMeldon."IfyouthinkI'mgoingtoremainpassivelyindifferentwhilemyunfortunatefriendallowshimselftobeentrappedbyawomanlikeMrs.Lorimer--"
"GoodHeavens!"saidthejudge."Mrs.Lorimer!WhatonearthhasMrs.Lorimer--?"
"There'snouseyourpretendingtobeignorantofthefacts,"saidMeldon."Youmustknowthem."
Hewrenchedhisarmfromthejudge'sgripashespoke,andstartedatarapidpacetowardsthelawn.SirGilbertHawkesbyhesitatedfora
momentwithalookofbewildermentonhisface.ThenheranafterMeldon,andcaughthimbythearmagain.
"Holdonaminute,"hesaid."Somethinghasjustoccurredtome.Beforeyoudoanythingrashletmetellyoualittlestory."
"Ican'twait,"saidMeldon."EverymomentincreasestheMajor'sdanger.Furtherendearments--"
"Weneedn'tbeafraidofthat,"saidthejudge,"whileSimpkinsisthere,andIreallydowanttotellyoumystory.Itmay,Ithinkitwill,alteryourwholeviewofthesituation."
"I'llgiveyoutwominutes,"saidMeldon,takingouthiswatch.
"Onewilldo,"saidthejudge,speakingrapidly."AllIhavetosayisthis.ImetMrs.LorimerontheplatformofEustonStationontheeveningofheracquittal,andImistookherformyniecewhowastravellinginthesametrain."
Meldonputhiswatchintohispocketandstaredatthejudge.
"Itwasquiteanexcusablemistake,"saidSirGilbertsoothingly."Anyonemighthavemadeit.Thelikenessisextraordinary."
"Thethingtodonow,"saidMeldonafteralongpause,"istoget
Simpkinsoutofthisasquicklyaspossible.He'snousehere."
"None,"saidthejudge."Whydidyoubringhim?"
"Ibroughthimtomarryyourniece,"saidMeldon."Itoldyouthatbefore."
"Marry!--Ohyes,whileyouthoughtshewas--DoyoudislikeSimpkinsverymuch?"
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"No;Idon't.Buteverybodyelse,includingtheMajor,does."
"I'mbeginningtounderstandthingsalittle,"saidthejudge,"andIagreewithyouthatthefirstthingtobedoneistoremoveSimpkins.Weshallhaveagooddealtotalkover,andhispresence--"
"Whenyouspeakoftalkingthingsover,"saidMeldon,"Ihopeyou'venointentionofalludingtoMrs.Lorimerinyourniece'scompany.Afterall,weoughttorecollectthatwe'regentlemen.I'vealwaysdonemybesttospareherfeelings,andIhopethatnothing--"
"Ishan'tmentionthesubject."
MeldonandSirGilbertwalkedbacktogether.Theyfoundthegrouponthelawninastateofobviousdiscomfort.MajorKentwasstandingbehindMissKing'schair,lookinglikeapolicemanonguardoversomespeciallyvaluablelifethreatenedbyamurderer.Hisfaceworeanexpressionofsuspiciouswatchfulness.SimpkinssatonthechairpreviouslyoccupiedbySirGilbert,andlookedillatease.Hehadacupofteabalancedonhisknee.HiseyeswanderedrestlesslyfromMissKingtoMajorKent,andthenbackagain.HedidnotseehiswaytomakinghisapologyorofferinghisexplanationwhileMajorKentwaspresent.AtthesametimehedreadedbeingleftalonewithMissKing.Nowthathewasfacetofacewithherhefeltagreatdifficultyin
givinganyaccountofhimself.MissKingwasdoingherbesttokeepupafriendlyconversationwithhim,buttheMajorrefusedtospeakaword,andshefelttheawkwardnessofthesituation.
"Isuppose,Simpkins,"saidMeldon,"thatyourtournamentwouldbeoverbythetimeyougotbacktoDonard,evenifyoustartedatonce."
Simpkinsrosetohisfeetwithalacrity.HedidnotlikebeinghuntedaboutthecountrybyMeldon,andhehadnointentionofgoingbacktoDonard;buthewelcomedanyprospectofescapefromthehorriblesituationinwhichhefoundhimself.
"Won'tyoufinishyourtea?"saidMissKing.
"Hehasfinishedit,"saidMeldon;"andhe'dbetternothaveanymoreifhemeanstoridebacktoDonard.He'snotingoodtraining,andanotherchunkofthatrichcakeofyours,MissKing,mightupsethim.Good-bye,Simpkins."
"I'dlike,"saidSimpkins,tryingtoasserthimself,"tospeakawordtoyou,Mr.Meldon."
"Soyoushall,"saidMeldon,"butnotnow.Thedayafterto-morrowyoushallsayallyouwantto.JustatpresentIhaven'ttimetolistentoyou."
"Perhaps,"saidSimpkins,turningtoMissKing,"I'dbettersaygood-bye."
HeshookhandswithherandSirGilbert,absolutelyignoredMeldonandMajorKent,andwalkedacrossthelawn.Meldonranafterhim.
"Ihope,Simpkins,"hesaid,"thatthiswillbealessontoyou.Owingtoyourmiserableprocrastination,theMajorhassteppedinbeforeyouandsecuredMissKing.YoumightjustmentionthattoDoyleandO'Donoghueasyoupassthehotel.They'llbeanxioustohearthenews."
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CHAPTERXXIV.
MajorKentandMeldondinedatBallymoyHouse,andspentaverypleasantevening.Ateleveno'clocktheystartedontheirdrivehome.
"I'msorry--"saidtheMajor,andthenpaused.
"Ihopenot,"saidMeldon."Yououghtnottobe."
"I'mnot,"saidtheMajor."ImerelymeantthatI'mafraidthisratherunexpected--"
"Goon,"saidMeldon."I'dliketogetatyourexactfeelingsifIcan."
"Isn'tthisrather--ratheranupsetforyou,J.J.?"
"Forme?"
"Yes.Onaccountofthatplanofyours--Simpkins,youknow.Iwas
afraidallthetimeyouwouldfeeldisappointed."
"Myplan,"saidMeldon,"isperfectlysound,andisworkingoutadmirably."
"Butyousaidthatyoumeant--"
"You'remakingoneofyourusualmistakes,Major.You'reconfusingtheendIhadinviewwiththemeansIadoptedtobringitabout.WhatIoriginallyundertooktodowastoremoveSimpkinsfromBallymoy.InthatIhavebeenentirelysuccessful.Hecan't,simplycan't,spendanotherweekintheplace.ImentionedtoDoylethismorningthatSimpkinsintendedtomarryMissKing.Doyleevidentlytoldseveral
otherpeople,forhalfthetownwasouttocheerusaswepassedthroughonourwayfromDonard.WhenSimpkinssneakedbackataboutsixo'clockthisevening,lookinglikeawhippeddog,therewassuretohavebeenalargecrowdtomeethim.IsaidhewastotellDoyletheresultashepassed;butwhetherhedidornot,Doyleissuretohavefounditoutbeforenight.HowdoyousupposeSimpkinswillbefeeling?"
TheMajorchuckled.
"Andwhatdoyousupposewillhappen?"saidMeldon.
"Idon'tknow.They'lllaughathim,Iexpect."
"Laughisn'ttheword,"saidMeldon."They'llgetoutthetownbandandplaytunesunderhiswindowhalfthenight.Hewon'tbeabletoputhisnoseoutsidethedoorwithoutbeingmetbyatribeofsmallboysgrinning.Thereisn'tawomanoragirlintheplace,fromSabinaGallagherup,butwillbemakingfunofhim.DoyleandO'Donoghueandallthepolicewillcallroundtocondolewithhim.Nomancouldstanditforaweek.He'llgoto-morrow,andhavehisluggagesentafterhim.That'sthewaymyplanhasworkedoutwithregardtoSimpkins,andI'venoreasontobeashamedofit."
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"I'mgladyoulookatitthatway,J.J.Iwasafraidperhaps--"
"Youneedn'thavebeen.I'mnotoneofthosesmall-mindedmenwhoallowthemselvestobetiedtodetails,andareirritatedbecausethingsdon'tgoexactlyastheyexpect.Ilooktotherealobject,thegreatultimateendwhichIhopetoachieve.AslongasthatcomesoffallrightIdon'tworrymyselfabouttrifles.InthiscaseIconsider--andeverybodywhotakesalargeviewwillalsoconsider--thatIhavebeenentirelysuccessful.Andnowlet'stalkofsomethingelse.I'llmarryyou,ofcourse."
"Webothhopeyouwill,"saidtheMajor.
"Right.That'ssettled.Whataboutbridesmaids?"
"Wehaven'tgoneintothatyet."
"Youmusthavebridesmaids,ofcourse.AndIdon'tthinkyoucoulddobetterthanyourowngod-daughter.She'llbeoverthewhooping-coughbythattime,Ihope."
"I'dlikethatverymuch,"saidtheMajor."Butisn'tsherathersmall?"
"Notatall.Shecanbeleduptheaisleimmediatelybehindthebride.SabinaGallaghercanleadher.I'mgoingtoengageSabinaasnurseandgeneralservant.NowthatSimpkinsisgoing,Doylecangetthatred-hairedgirl,Sabina'scousin.She'lldohimquitewellforallhewants.AndheneverproperlyappreciatedSabina.Shallweregardthatassettled?"
"Isupposeitwillbeallright."
"Quite,"saidMeldon."Youmaysafelyleaveitinmyhands.Andnow,Major,sinceeverythinghasworkedoutinsuchasatisfactorywayforyou,Ihopeyou'lltryandfeelmorekindlytowardspoorSimpkins.
He'llsufferalotasitis;andIdon'tthinkyououghttomakeanyfurtherattemptonhislife.Ialwaysthoughtyouweregoingtoofarinyourresentment."
"J.J.,Ireally--"
"Thejudgewillletyoufishanywhereyoulike;sothatyouhaven'taghostofagrievanceleft."
"I'llaskSimpkinstotheweddingifyoulike."
"That,"saidMeldon,"wouldbearefinementofcruelty,andIwon'tconsenttoitsbeingdone.Wantingtokillthemanwasbadenough.I
neverlikedit.Butwhatyouproposenowisinfinitelyworse.Whycan'tyouforgivethewretchedcreature,andthenforgetallabouthim?"
******
Itwashalf-pasttwelveo'clock.MajorKent,inspiteoftheexcitementoftheafternoon,wassoundasleepwhenhewasrousedbyasharpknockingathisdoor.Hesatupinbedandstruckamatch.
"Goodgracious,J.J.,"hesaid,"whatonearthdoyouwantatthis
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timeofnight?Whyaren'tyouasleep?"
"Icouldn'tsleep,"saidMeldon,"withthefeelingonmymindthatIhadbeendoingawrong--quitewithoutmaliceandundercircumstanceswhichexcuseit,butstilldoingawrongtoMissKing."
"Youmeaninmistakingher--"
"Quiteso."
"That'llbeallright,J.J.Don'tworryaboutit.Gobacktobedagain."
"I'mnotworryingintheleast,"saidMeldon."Ineverworry;butwhenI'vedoneawrongtoanybody,Iliketomakeamendsatonce."
"Youcan'tdoanythingto-night.It'stoolate.Dogobacktobed."
"Ihavedonesomething.I'vemadeamends,andheretheyare.Iwantyoutogivethemtoherto-morrowmorning."
Heheldoutasheetofpaperashespoke.
"Ifthat'sawrittenapology,"saidtheMajor,"it'squiteunnecessary.
Butyoucanleaveitonthedressing-table.It'sniceofyoutothinkofmakingit."
"It'snotanapology,"saidMeldon."Apologiesarefutilethings.ThisissomethingthatwillbeofsomeuseandrealvaluetoMissKing.It'stheendofanovel."
"Whatareyoutalkingabout?"
"I'vealwaysunderstood,"saidMeldon,"thatthelastfewparagraphsofanovelarebyfarthemostdifficultparttowrite.NowthatI'vefoundoutwhatMissKing'sartreallyis,IthinkthebestthingIcando,bywayofmakingamendsformyunfortunatemistake,istohandover
tohertheconclusionofanovel,readywritten.I'vebeenatiteversinceyouwenttobed.Hereitis.I'lljustreaditouttoyou,andthenyoucangiveittoherwithmycomplimentsto-morrowmorning."
"'Theeveningclosedslowly,aglorystilllingeringontheshiningwatersofthebay,asifdaywereindeedlothtoleavethesceneithadfoundsofair.Asolitaryfigurebreastedthelonghillabovethelittletown,stridingsteadilyalongthegreyroad,whichwoundeastwardsintothegloom.'"
"Itmayperhapsbebettertomentiontoyou,Major,thoughMissKing
willrecognisethefactatonceforherself,thatthesolitaryfigureisSimpkins."
"'Atthecrownofthehill,justwheretheroadbeginstodipagain,atthespotwherethelastviewofthetownandthebayisobtained,thelonelytravellerpaused.Heturnedround,andforawhilestoodgazingwistfullyatthescenehehadleftbehind.Thehumofthetown'slife,thesuddenshoutingsofthechildrenattheirplay,even,ashefancied,theeternalpathosoftheocean'smurmuring,wereborne
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upwardstohimontheeveningbreeze.Faroff,amongthetrees,twinkledasolitarylight.Agreatsobshookhisframesuddenly.There,inthewarmglowofthelamp,whoseraysreachedhimlikethoseofsomeinfinitelydistantstar,satthewomanwhomheloved,whomighthavebeenhis,whowas--Ahme!Hesethisteeth.Hislips,bloodlessnowastheverylipsofdeath,werepressedtighttogether.Heturnedagain,and,stillwalkingbravely,descendedthehillintothegloom.
"'Solifedealswithus.Tooneisgiven,andhehathabundance.Fromanotheristakenawayeventhatwhichhehath.Yet,whoknows?Itwastowardstheeasthetravelled.Thesunhadsetindeed;butitwouldriseagain.Anditisalwaysintheeastthatsunsrise.'"
"Thanks,J.J.,"saidtheMajorsleepily."It'sawfullyfine.Ifyouwouldn'tmindputtingitonthedressing-tableundermybrush,itwillbequitesafetillmorning."
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