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THE JINGLE-JUNGLE

BOOK

J

THE JINGLE-JUNGLE

BOOK

By

Oliver Herford

NEW YORK

THE CENTURY CO. 1913

Copyright, 1911, 1912, 1913, by

THE CENTURY CO.

Published, November, 1913

©CI.A35761 4

^*-0/

CONTENTS

The Optimist

In the Style .

A Personal Experience .

The Cockatoo

The Delsartian Eel

The Gnat and the Gnu .

The Humorous Ant

The Oratorical Crab

The Oracle

The Fastidious Yak

The Ounce of Detention

The Thoroughbred Horse

The Inquisitive Leopard

The Financier Fox

Tra-la-larceny

The Melancholy Crane

Tact ....

The Chromatic Chameleon

The Sole-Hungering Camel

The Mendacious Mole

The Kind Armadillo

A Miracle

The Misapprehended Goose

The Somnolent Bivalve

The Feminine Seal

The Partial Pig

A Matter of Taste

Page

2 4

6 8

10 12 14 16

18

20 22 24

26

28

30

32

34

36

38

40

42

44

46

48

50

52

54 i

CONTENTS

Page

The Eternal Feminine ...... 56

The Owltruistic Owl ...... 58

The Misanthropic Condor ..... 60

The Filcanthropic Cow ...... 62

The Provident Puffin ...... 64

The Boasters . ..... 66

The Cantankerous ’Gator ..... 68

The Erudite Ermine . . . . . 70

The Fan-tastic Squirrel . . . 72

The Omnivorous Bookworm . . . . . 74

2

THE JINGLE-JUNGLE

BOOK

THE OPTIMIST

Said a cheerful old bear at the Zoo:

“I never have time to feel blue,

If it bores me, you know,

To walk to and fro,

I reverse it and walk fro and to.”

3

IN THE STYLE

A Tapir who lived in Malay

Was reading the fall styles one day,

When he cried with delight,

“My figure’s all right:

Tapir waists are the fashion, they say.”

5

A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

A puppy whose hair was so flowing

There really was no means of knowing

Which end was his head,

Once stopped me and said,

“Please, sir, am I coming or going?”

THE COCKATOO

“Good gracious!” cried Miss Cockatoo,

“Whatever on earth shall I do?

Bright colors to-day

Have gone out, and they say

High head-dresses now are taboo. ’

mm

THE DELSARTIAN EEL

An eel who had studied Delsarte,

The alphabet thus could impart

To a small school of fish,

Who said’t was their wish

To learn without using a chart.

to

THE GNAT AND THE GNU

‘How absurd,” said the gnat to the gnu

“To spell your queer name as you do!”

“For the matter of that,”

Said the gnu to the gnat,

“That’s just how I feel about you.”

12

13

THE HUMOROUS ANT

Once a grasshopper (food being scant)

Begged an ant some assistance to grant;

But the ant shook his head,

“ I can’t help you,” he said,

“It’s an uncle you need not an aunt.”

14

15

■ .

1_I

THE ORATORICAL CRAB

Said the crab: “ ’Tis not beauty or birth That is needed to conquer the earth.

To win in life’s fight, First be sure you are right,

Then go sidewise for all you are worth.”

16

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17

THE ORACLE

There once was a weatherwise crow, When asked if he thought it would snow,

He would ponder and say, “Peradventure it may,

Then again it may not. Time will show.”

18

THE FASTIDIOUS YAK

There was once a fastidious yak

Who refused to eat hay from a stack.

“A haystack,” said he,

“Looks so very like me!”

(The haystack’s the one at the back.)

20

21

THE OUNCE OF DETENTION

Once a pound-keeper chanced to impound

An ounce that was straying around.

The pound-keeper straight

Was fined for false weight,

Since he’d only one ounce in his pound.

22

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23

THE THOROUGHBRED HORSE

“ I have often been told,” said the horse,

“Of man’s intellectual force,

A thing, if correct,

I should never suspect

From the people I meet at the course.”

24

25

THE INQUISITIVE LEOPARD

A leopard, when told that benzine

Removed spots and imparted a sheen,

Just to try, drank a stein!

Next moment no sign

Of a spot (or a leopard) was seen.

26

27

THE FINANCIER FOX

There once was a plausible fox Who explained that he dabbled in

“stocks.” But they found out one day “Live stock” was his “lay,”

When he “cornered” ten prize Plymouth Rocks.

28

TRA-LA-LARCENY

A heathen named Min, passing by

A pie-shop, picked up a mince-pie.

If you think Min a thief,

Pray dismiss the belief:

The mince-pie that Min spied was Min’s

pie.

30

31

THE MELANCHOLY CRANE

There once was a cryptical crane,

Who wore an expression of pain

And refused to be fed

Because some one said

He resembled one Hamlet, a Dane.

32

33

TACT

Quoth a cat to me once: “Pray relieve

My suspense. What does eight from nine

leave?”

Poor puss looked so cold

And so thin and so old,

I replied, “ Quite a few, I believe.”

34

L

35

THE CHROMATIC CHAMELEON

There was once a chromatic chameleon

Who copied each tint he gazed freely on,

When he tried a Scotch plaid,

He went stark, staring mad,

And cried, “This beats Ossa on Pelion!”

36

37 0

THE SOLE-HUNGERING CAMEL

A camel, with practical views

On the nutritive value of shoes,

To the mosque would repair

While the folks were at prayer,

Little dreaming their shoes they would lose.

38

39

THE MENDACIOUS MOLE

Said the mole: “ You would never suppose

How far back my family goes.

The first of my name

From Normandy came

On William the Conqueror’s nose.”

40

41

THE KIND ARMADILLO

There once was a kind armadillo

Who solaced a long weeping-willow.

Said he: “Do not weep!

What you need is some sleep;

Pray rest on my shell as a pillow.”

42

43

A MOCK MIRACLE

There was a young waitress named Myrtle

Who carried a plate of mock turtle,

When, strange to relate,

She tripped, and the plate

That once was mock turtle turned turtle.

44

45

THE MISAPPREHENDED GOOSE

One evening a goose, for a treat,

For the opera purchased a seat.

At the very first line

She exclaimed, “How divine!”

And for hissing was thrown in the street.

46

47

THE SOMNOLENT BIVALVE

Said the oyster: “To-morrow’s May-day;

But don’t call me early, I pray.

Just tuck me instead

In my snug oyster-bed,

And there till September I’ll stay.”

48

THE FEMININE SEAL

Said a lachrymose Labrador seal, When asked why she wept with such zeal,

“My tears are not lost, In this antarctic frost:

To magnificent pearls they congeal.”

50

51

THE PARTIAL PIG

A pig who to “Hamlet” was taken

Formed a theory that could not be shaken.

“In Hamletsaid he,

“A cipher we see

That proves it was written by Bacon ”

52

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A MATTER OF TASTE

Said the Ostrich, “I fear if I ate

A mince-pie, it would settle my fate;

But this crockery ware

Has a flavor that’s rare!”—

And he passed back his pie for more plate!

54

55

THE ETERNAL FEMININE

Said the spider, in tones of distress:

As a spinster I’m not a success.

Though I toil and I spin

And I work myself thin,

I never can have a new dress.

56

57

THE OWLTRUISTIC OWL

A canary, its woe to assuage,

Once invented a wireless cage.

The owl shook his head,

“It’s a Great Thought,” he said;

“But it’s far in advance of the age.”

58

59

THE MISANTHROPIC CONDOR

Said the condor, in tones of despair:

“Not even the atmosphere’s rare.

Since man took to flying,

It’s really too trying,

The people one meets in the air.”

61

THE FILCANTHROPIC COW

Said a cow: “It has long been my dream,

A sort of utopian scheme,

To leave, when I die,

Enough milk to supply

A home for poor kittens—with cream.”

62

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63

THE PROVIDENT PUFFIN

There once was a provident puffin

Who ate all the fish he could stuff in.

Said he, “’Tis my plan

To eat when I can:

When there’s nuffin’ to eat I eat nuffin’.”

64

65

THE BOASTERS

Said the Snail to the Tortoise: “You may Find it hard to believe what I say;

You will think it absurd, But I give you my word,

They fined me for speeding to-day.”

“Well,well!”said theTortoise. Dear me! How defective your motor must be!

Though I speed every day, Not a fine do I pay:

The police cannot catch me, you see.”

66

67

THE CANTANKEROUS ’GATOR

There was a cantankerous ’gator

For whom ’t was no pleasure to cater.

If he happened to find

No dish to his mind,

He would like as not swallow the waiter.

68

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69

THE ERUDITE ERMINE

Said an envious, erudite ermine:

“There’s one thing I cannot determine

When a man wears my coat,

He’s a person of note,

While I’m but a species of vermin!’’

70

71

THE FAN-TASTIC SQUIRREL

Said a squirrel who raced with a fan; “You are built on a wonderful plan;

But you’d better take care Or you’ll lose all your hair.

I advise you to stop if you can.”

72

73

THE OMNIVOROUS BOOKWORM

Quoth the bookworm, “ I don’t care one bit

If writers have wisdom or wit;

A volume must be

Pretty dull to bore me

As completely as I can bore it.”

74

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