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8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
1/23
Wordy Sentences
Appropriate Language
Exact Words
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
2/23
Eliminate redundancies
Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitationcenter working as a registered physical therapist.
Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a
registered physical therapist.Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name, address, and
phone number on a greasy napkin.
Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number
on a greasy napkin.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
3/23
Avoid unnecessary repetition of words
Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.
Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.
The best teachers help each student become a better
student both academically and emotionally.The best teachers help each student grow both
academically and emotionally.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
4/23
Cut empty or inflated phrases
Along the lines of...like
As a matter of fact...in fact
At all times...always
At the present time...now, currently Because of the fact that...because
Due to the fact that...because
For the reason that...because
In order to...to
In the final analysis...finally
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
5/23
Simplify the structure especially by avoiding be
verbs and there is, are, was, were
Investigators were involved in studying the effect ofclassical music on unborn babies.
Investigators studied the effect of classical music onunborn babies.
All too often, athletes with marginal academic skillshave been recruited by our coaches.
All too often, our coaches have recruited athletes withmarginal academic skills.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
6/23
Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single
words
We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the homeof Thomas Jefferson.
We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
7/23
Stay away from jargon
We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohio because we didn’t have the bandwidth to tackle it in-house.
We hired a company in Ohio because we had too few
employees to do the work.The CEO should dialogue with investors about
partnering with clients to purchase land ineconomically deprived zones.
The CEO should talk with investors about working with clients to buy land in poor neighborhoods.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
8/23
Avoid pretentious language
Taylor’s employment of multihued means ofexpression draws back the curtains and lets slip thenostalgic vantage point from which she observes American society as well as her lack ofcomprehension of economic realities.
Taylor’s use of colorful language reveals that she has anostalgic view of American society and does notunderstand economic realities.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
9/23
Avoid most euphemisms Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for words
thought to sound harsh or ugly Adult entertainment
Preowned automobile
Economically deprived Negative savings
Strategic withdrawal
Correctional facility
Revenue enhancers
Chemical dependency
Avoid doublespeak Deliberately evasive or deceptive language
Downsizing = firing employees
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
10/23
Avoid sexist language Chairman
Fireman
Mailman
Mankind
weatherman
When a student writes a paper, he must proofreadcarefully.
When a student writes a paper, he/she must proofreadcarefully.
Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use plural
When students write their papers, they must proofreadcarefully.
Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem completely
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
11/23
Revise language that may offend groups of people
North Dakota takes its name from the Indian wordmeaning “friend” or “ally.”
North Dakota takes its name from the Lakota word
meaning “friend” or “ally.”
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
12/23
Select words with appropriate connotations
When American soldiers returned home after WorldWar II, many women abandoned their jobs in favorof marriage.
When American soldiers returned home after WorldWar II, many women left their jobs in favor ofmarriage.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
13/23
Prefer specific concrete nouns
Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc.
The senator spoke about the challenges of the future:the environment and world peace.
The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: pollution, dwindling resources, and terrorism.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
14/23
Do not misuse words
These days the training required for a ballet dancer isall-absorbent.
These days the training required for a ballet dancer is
all-absorbing.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
15/23
Use Standard Idioms
Speech forms that follow no easily specified rulesNEVER ALWAYS
Angry at (a person) Angry with (a person)
Agree to (an idea) Agree with (an idea)
Different than Different from
Off of Off
Plan on doing Plan to do
think on Think of; think about
Try and; sure and Try to; sure to
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
16/23
Do not rely heavily on clichés Cool as a
Beat around
Blind as a
Crystal
Dead as a
Light as a
Like a bull
Nutty as a
Playing with
Use figures of speech with care Similes & metaphors
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
17/23
How are the rules for wordy sentences,appropriate language, and exact words broken?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
18/23
“The writer who breedsmore words than he needs,is making a chore for the
reader who reads.” -Dr. Seuss
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
19/23
Intentionally break all the rules for wordy sentences,appropriate language, and finding exact words byrewriting the lyrics to a song.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
20/23
I wasn't born for diggin deep holesI'm not made for pavin long roadsI aint cut out to climb high line poles
But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer
I'm not the type to work in a bank I'm no good at slappin on paintDon't have a knack for makin motors crank,no
But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer
So hand me one moreThat's what I'm here forI'm built for having a ballI love the nightlife
I love my budlightI like 'em cold and tall
I aint much for mowin thick grassI'm too slow for workin' too fastI don't do windows so honey don't ask
But I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer
A go getter maybe I'm not
I'm not known for doin' a lotBut I do my best work when the weather's hotI'm pretty good at drinkin' beer
So hand me one moreThat's what I'm here for
I'm built for having a ballI love the nightlifeI love my budlightI like 'em cold and tall
I wasn't born for diggin deep holes
I'm not made for pavin long roadsI aint cut out to climb high line polesBut I'm pretty good at drinkin beerI'm pretty good at drinkin beer
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
21/23
The intention of my conception wasn’tfor the purpose of agricultural orluminescent engineering. However,
I'm a professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.
I wouldn't’t be categorized for being afinical officer or adding gratuitouscosmetic pigment. Don’t have a future
with internal combustion blocks.However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage consumer.
Ill accept an encore, that’s why I'm inattendance, physiologically built for
have ball. With the indirectconnection with a G-type main-sequence star, I’d enjoy my low calorieBudweiser, I prefer them altitudinousand brisk.
I'm not a fan for caring for highly concentratedlandscapes, I have a bad case of chronic fatiguesyndrome, I’m not a contractor so honey don’t ask.However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverageconsumer.
A go getter maybe I'm notI’ve been known using excusesBut I do my best work when the sun is aligned withmy location. I'm a professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.
Ill accept an encore, that’s why I'm in attendance,physiologically built for have ball. With the indirectconnection with a G-type main-sequence star, I’denjoy my low calorie Budweiser, I prefer themaltitudinous and brisk.
The intention of my conception wasn’t for thepurpose of agricultural advancement or to have acareer with PENDOT, and not a fan of high altitudeatmospherically conditions.However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage
consumer. I'm a professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
22/23
OriginalI wasn't born for diggin deep holes
I'm not made for pavin long roads
I aint cut out to climb high line poles
But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer
Rewrite
The intention of my conception wasn’t for the purpose ofagricultural or luminescent engineering. However, I'm aprofessional fermented yeast beverage consumer.
8/18/2019 T4.21 Eng102 Wordiness Appropriatelanguage
23/23
By Sunday night, post to BlackBoard DiscussionBoard two pairs of words or phrases that confuse
you. For example, some people use affect when theyshould use effect.
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