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Strategies for Handling Difficult Conversations
Alan Greiner, Executive Director Iowa High School Music Association
Listen – listen carefully and calmly. Hear what
it is that is trying to be communicated to you
Pause and think – then respond
Look at the issue from their perspective
Be compassionate and empathetic without
compromising the standards of the association
Be honest – your reputation and integrity are
everything
Strategies
Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know. I’ll have to
get back to you.” And then do so in a timely
manner
If pressed for an immediate answer, I respond
with “If you have to know immediately, the
answer is no. If you will give me time to think
and research it the answer is maybe.”
Strategies
If the person is rambling (venting!?) respond
with “How is it that I can help you?”
Don’t let false statements go uncorrected.
Correct them immediately.
Don’t make it personal – stick to the high
ground. Remain professional.
Keep the conversation positive.
Strategies
Offer solutions (if at all possible) not
roadblocks or barriers.
As a leader, learn from the experience and
adapt
Be available
Make sure all parties involved have access to
the same information
Strategies
Be courageous!!! Don’t shy away from difficult
conversations.
Strategies
Understand Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions
Strategies
This can be avoided by being mindful of preserving the persons dignity and treating them with respect (even if you completely disagree with them).
Tears – acknowledge them, offer a tissue which
gives them an opportunity to collect their
thoughts. Recognize that tears indicate that the
issue is personal and as such needs to be
addressed.
Be comfortable with silence – don’t rush to fill
it with words.
Strategies
Work to preserve the relationship. It takes
years to build a bridge and only moments to
tear it down. Work to fix the situation without
causing irreparable damage.
Be consistent!!! Regardless of who asks the
question the answer should be the same.
Strategies
Be careful how you react to thwarting ploys
Strategies
Unresponsiveness Accusation
Address the ploy openly and sincerely. For example “I don’t know how to interpret your silence.”
Choose the right place for the conversation.
Be aware of your body language.
If you are the initiator of the conversation, plan
out how you will begin.
Mistakes happen. When you make a mistake,
acknowledge it, apologize (with sincerity) and
move on.
Strategies
Strategies for Handling Difficult Conversations
Presented by:
Steven J. Timko, Executive Director New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association
2
TOUGH QUESTIONS • Listen carefully to the questions
• Off-beat questions -- a trap or indication the individual is lost
• Answer the right question: If you’re not sure you understand the question, ask the
person to repeat it
• If asked multiple questions: pick the easiest one to answer
• Be straightforward and truthful: Answer what you know – don’t speculate
• Say “I don’t know.” Tell the person you will check on the answer and get back to
her. Then bridge to one of your messages.
3
TOUGH QUESTIONS • Be enthusiastic: If you don’t believe it, nobody else will
• Never repeat negative words, e.g. “I am not a crook” – stay positive
• Tell the truth: Much easier to remember!
• Be real: Show compassion and empathy
• If a person makes an inaccurate statement: Correct him/her immediately
• Assume that everything is “on the record.” Never go “off the record”
4
Things to remember • Don’t treat the call as a simple conversation
• Don’t merely answer questions – be EAGER to speak
• Avoid sarcastic remarks and inappropriate humor
• Never lie or mislead
5
When Asked About a Problem • Talk about the solution
– Example: “Yes we’ve made mistakes, we’ve learned from those mistakes and we’re working hard to fix the problem. And that effort is already paying off…”
6
Traps to Avoid • Don’t rush your responses – pause before answering
– A brief pause implies you are thinking about the question – An immediate response may sound too rehearsed
• Avoid jargon / buzzwords / technical terms • Avoid sarcastic remarks and inappropriate humor
7
Blocking & Bridging • “Block” a negative question
– Respond briefly in a non-specific way • “Bridge” with a smooth transition
– Change the subject to a positive message
8
Blocking & Bridging – Key Phrases • “That’s an interesting question, and to put it in perspective…” • “I’m glad you’ve asked me this, because it brings up a point I’ve been
wanting to make…” • “I don’t have precise details, but what I do know is…” • “The underlying question is…”
9
Blocking & Bridging – Key Phrases (cont’d.)
• “What I think you mean by that question is…” • “Let’s not lose sight of the key issue here, which is…” • “This is certainly important, but what’s even more important is…”
Communication during a crisis • Candor • Openness, accessibility • Truthfulness • Responsiveness • Empathy • Transparency • Engagement • Clarifications & correction
- by James Lukaszewski
“To be persuasive, we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible, we must be truthful.”
-- Edward R. Murrow
“Trust is like the air we breathe. When it’s present, nobody really notices. But when it’s absent, everybody notices.”
-- Warren Buffett
12
REPUTATION = “CAN I TRUST YOU?”
13
Do What You Say You Will Do
Credibility is:
14
TRUST BUILDING TRUST BUILDING BEHAVIORS • Promises Made, Promises Kept • Exceed Expectations • Honesty, Clarity, Consistency • Measured Milestones, Viable Alternatives • Accept and Assign Accountability • Soberly, Systematically Assess Challenges • Respect, Honor & Reward Those Who Put Their Trust in You • Treat Trust as a Long-Term Investment Paying Ongoing Dividends
SOURCE: GOLIN/HARRIS
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