Project Memphis: Windows 98 Source Code (HUMOR)

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FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY

PROJECT DOCUMENTATION AND TECHNICAL NOTES- –

PROJECT

MEMPHIS

MICROSOFT CORP. CONFIDENTIALNOT INTENDED FOR PUBLIC CIRCULATION

Redmond, WA

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/*CONFIDENTIAL – PROJECT ‘MEMPHIS’COREAKA WINDOWS ‘98 SOURCE CODE

INTERNAL CIRCULATION BETWEEN AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY© 1997 Microsoft Corp. Redmond, WA

Bill: our guys are experiencing some real difficultyimplementing that Y2K thing you requested. Recommend we push release date up a little, to be safe. */

#include "unistd.h"#include "xerox.h"#include "qdos.h"#include "win31.h"#include "win95.h"#include "evenmore.h"#include "oldstuff.h"#include "billrulz.h"

#define EASE_OF_INSTALL -10000#define WIN32_LEAN_AND_MEAN 1

#define RETURNS_ERROR 1#define RETURNS_SUCCESS 1

/*ATTN: DO NOT DELETE CODE ABOVE THIS LINE. */

/* Naturally, Windows 98 should be "faster" than Windows 95 */#ifdef ( _WINDOWS_98_ || _WINDOWS_NT_ )

sleep_time=2;#else

#ifdef _WINDOWS_95_sleep_time=5;

#elsesleep_time=8;

#endif#endif

make_prog_look_big[1600000];char

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/* Windows 98 has a feature set that is greatly expanded from Win95 */#ifdef _WINDOWS_98

make_prog_look_bigger[3666756];#include <dvd.h>#include <msoffice.h>#endif

/* Windows 98 has functionality beyond any of its predecessors */ SummonPageFault( address); ChooseRandomErrorMessage();

/* Windows 98 is built on a robust, highly efficient core.*/ main()

{ while(system_state != CRASHED) { display_copyright_message_large(); display_bill_rulez_message(); do_nothing_loop(); if (first_time_installation && isIBMCompatiblePC) { make_50_megabyte_swapfile(); do_nothing_loop(); totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system(); search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2(); search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2(); hang_system();

/* ^ Installation is more complete and less involved than ever. We make only the changes we need to ensure compatibility with our competitors products.*/

}

write_something((HWASTE) GetStockItem(garbage_data)); display_copyright_message(); do_nothing_loop(); do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed) { display_copyright_message(); do_nothing_loop(); run_windows_3.1(); do_nothing_loop(); do_nothing_loop(); }`

char

void longchar

void

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else if (shutdown_sequence_initiated){

OverrideUserControls(hwnd, CURRENT_USER, 1, hInst, OUC_IGNORE || OUC_BLOCKINPUT);SHAbortShutdown(PRIV_ROOT);

} }

if (detect_cache()) disable_cache(CACHE_FLUSH || CACHE_FLOOD);

if (system_has_fast_cpu()) { set_wait_states(FREQUENT); set_mouse(speed, VERY_SLOW); set_mouse(action, JUMPY); set_mouse(reaction, BHAV_INTERMITTENT); }

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */ /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */ /* printf("Welcome to Windows ME”); */

printf("Welcome to Windows 98");

if (system_ok()) crash(to_dos_prompt) else system_memory = fopen("a:\swp0001.swp", FILE_CREATE); write(stdin, system_memory);

while(something) { sleep(5); get_user_input(); sleep(5); act_on_user_input(); sleep(5); } create_general_protection_fault(); hang_system(NO_REASON); perform_illegal_operation(); system_error_engine(BLUE_SCREEN_OF_DEATH);

RETURNS_SUCCESS;

}

return