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Communication: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

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Continuing Education

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This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, U.S. Department of

Defense under Award Numbers 2015-48770-24368 and 2019-48770-30366.

Ryan Law, M.S., CFP®, AFC®

Today’s Presenter

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Professional in Residence,Personal Financial PlanningUtah Valley University

Ryan is the Director of the Utah Valley University Money Management Resource Center where volunteer peer Financial Coaches educate students, faculty, and staff through one-on-one counseling sessions and presentations on campus.

COMMUNICATION:Seek first to understand,

then be understood

Ryan H. Law, M.S., CFP®, AFC®

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If I were to summarize in one sentence the single

most important principle I have learned in the field

of interpersonal relations, it would be this:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Dr. Stephen R. Covey

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COMMUNICATION“Seek first to understand…”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg&t=4s

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How we often listen

Evaluating:We judge and then either agree or disagree.

Probing:We ask questions from our own frame of reference.

Advising:

We give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.

Interpreting:

We analyze others' motives and behaviors based on our own experiences.

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Appointment Goal:

Have clients leave with a sense they were heard and understood.

In order to accomplish this goal you need to know yourself and know how to truly listen.

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Know Yourself

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Know Yourself

• Why is it important to know ourselves?

• “It would be naïve to think that a counselor’s past experiences, relationships, and personal history did not affect, and interact with, those of the client.” - Klontz, Brad, et al.

• Clients need to be self-aware, and a self-aware counselor can transfer understanding of how to do that

Reference: Klontz, Brad, et al. Facilitating Financial Health: Tools for Financial Planners, Coaches, and Therapists. United States, National Underwriter Company, 2008. 13

Know Yourself

• Financial Socialization – how we see money• Influenced by:

• Current financial status• Past financial status• Families• Peers• Media• Teachers• Religion

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Know Yourself

• Example: Feelings about debt• Current financial status (no debt)• Past financial status (parents argued about debt)• Media (Buy now, pay later)• Religion (We operate without debt, so should you)

• How will this affect a financial counseling relationship when debt is brought up?

• Does it always make sense to focus on paying down debt first?

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Know Yourself

• “Keep your values off my plan!”• Examples:

• College funding• Giving (tithing)• Retirement goals• Lifestyle• Inheritance

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Assessment Exercises to Increase Self-Awareness

• Klontz Money-Script Inventory

• Journaling• Recommendations to clients• What went well• What could go better• Experiences with money• Stories about money

Reference: 2011. Klontz, et al. “Money Beliefs and Financial Behaviors: Developments of the Klontz Money Script Inventory” 17

Assessment Exercises to Increase Self-Awareness

• Financial Therapy

• Seeking feedback• Clients, supervisor, peers

• Record appointment (with permission from client)• Verbal expressions• Pacing• Eye contact• Body language• Questions• Silence

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Assessment Exercises to Increase Self-Awareness

• Money History Questionnaire• “What are your earliest memories about money?

• “How did you obtain money as a child?

• “What were some of the fears or anxieties about money in your home?”

• “What are the basic rules you tend to live by when it comes to money?”

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Active Listening

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What are we listening for?

The client’s circumstances, values, beliefs, resources, stressors, anxieties, and needs

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Listening

• “We strongly advocate for specific, concentrated, on-going, professionally-led, evidence-based listening…skills training.” –Klontz, Brad, et al.

• Understanding the 3 channels of communication• Active listening• Learning styles

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Feeling HeardThe Three Channels of Communication

1. Verbal Channel• The words we speak & the concepts we express through

language• Only 10% of communication• Same words don’t mean the same to everyone

• Risk• Investing

• “Can you pick up milk on your way home?” • “Sure”

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Feeling HeardThe Three Channels of Communication

2. Body Language• Up to 60% of

communication

3. Tonality, Rate & Volume• Up to 30% of

communication Photo by VisionPic .net from Pexels

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Active Listening

• Listening is the facilitator’s most important and effective role.

• Goal of active listening is to convey the thought:• “I understand your problem and how you feel about it. I

am interested in what you are saying, and I am not judging you.”

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7 Keys for Active Listening

1. Pay attention – be 100% present

• Don’t be forming your response• Minimize distractions

2. Begin with an invitation

“Michael, thank you for coming in. It shows how committed you are to making smart decisions about money. Let’s start here – what led you to schedule this appointment today?”

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7 Keys for Active Listening

3. Pause when they finish speaking

• Are they done speaking?• Gives you a moment to process• Don’t be afraid of silence

• Focusing on interior aspects aren’t likely to be quick conversations

• “In what way are you concerned about that?”• Wait 10-15 seconds, say, “It’s a hard question.”

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7 Keys for Active Listening

4. Ask open-ended questions

• “Trust is a function of asking really good questions, then listening carefully to their answers.”

– Carl Richards

• Questions should be your primary communication tool – throw out your agenda and prepare at least 10 questions in advance.

• Try to phrase as statements instead of questions.28

Examples of Good Questions

• “Michael, thank you for coming in. It shows how committed you are to making smart decisions about money. Let’s start here – what led you to schedule this appointment today?”

• Why is money important to you?

• What is important about __________________ to you?

• Tell me more.

• How can we make this meeting as productive as possible for you?

• Tell me the most important item on your agenda.

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7 Keys for Active Listening

5. Strategic reflection• Verifying and clarifying what the client said (content) &

felt (emotions)• “If I have heard you correctly you feel _______ about

_________”• “Tell me more about how you feel when…”• Keep going until you determine the underlying problem• Thorough diagnosis

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7 Keys for Active Listening

6. Summarizing• “Let me see if I have

this right….”• “Is that right?”• Helps bring the session

to a close• Helpful at the beginning

of a follow-up meetingPhoto by nappy from Pexels

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7 Keys for Active Listening

7. Invite and suggest• Client has a right to self-determination

• Clients have a right to do what they want with their resources

• Clients have a right to say no• “The role of the facilitator is to invite clients’ responses and

participation, to encourage them, and to help create conditions that will foster positive change.”

-Klontz, Brad, et al.• Skillfully inviting and suggesting will be the topic of

second half

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Active Listening“When facilitators use these tools skillfully and respectfully, clients will feel honored and understood, as well as supported in their movement toward positive change and growth.” - Klontz, Brad, et al.

Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels

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Learning Styles - Visual

• Learn best by seeing:• PowerPoint• Video• Images• Articles• Graphs• Illustrations• Watching a demonstration

• Budgeting – seeing someone else set up their budget

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Learning Styles - Auditory

• Learn best by hearing:• One-on-one conversations• Podcasts• Audio books• Group discussions• Videos• Listening to a demonstration

• Budgeting – listening to someone talk about how their budget is set up

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Learning Styles - Kinesthetic

• Learn best by doing:• Hands-on activities• Role-playing• Note taking• Doing a demonstration

• Budgeting – setting up a budget in software or getting envelopes labeled.

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COMMUNICATION“…then be understood”

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Client Priorities

1. Understand my situation2. Educate me3. Respect my assets (no matter how small)4. Solve my problem 5. Monitor my progress6. Keep in touch

• All are relational in nature

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Four Characteristics of Top Advisors

1. The way they educate is illustrative and simple

2. They excel in relating and communicating with others

3. They make people feel valued & important

4. They genuinely care about helping others achieve their financial goals

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Understand my situation• Need to uncover the reason why the clients needs financial help.

• “I’m curious…why is money important to you?”• Freedom, Security

Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels 40

Write it down, then go deeper• “Tell me what freedom means to you.”• “Having more time.”• “Let’s say you are at that point where you have more time.

What’s important about being at that spot?”• “Serving in the community. I’ve always thought about

running for city council.”• “Before we go any further, is there anything more important

than having time to serve in the community?”• “If there’s nothing more important, can we call these your

goals? Would that be alright?”• “Would you find it helpful if we could craft a plan that would

meet these goals?”

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Impediments to Communication

• Over-long statements• Sound like lectures

• Speaking in generalizations• “Most experts recommend…”• “A savings account is never a good way to invest…”• Avoid words like never, always, everybody, all, nobody

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Impediments to Communication

• Using jargon• Doesn’t make you sound smart – makes them feel

dumb• Use the simplest words possible

• Assuming clients know or understand more than they actually do• Clients will often act like they understand so they don’t

look dumb

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Ideas to Facilitate Communication

• Provide an overall perspective – big picture. Refer back to it often.• “Having more time to serve in the community.”

• Use repetition

• Use stories, similes, metaphors “It’s kind of like…”

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Right-brain Left-brain

• Analysis, number-crunching, logic & organization are important• 10-20% maximum• Left-brain analyzes, but doesn’t decide

• 80-90% of decision-making is right-brain• Puts everything together, forms a picture, gets a feeling, makes a

leap• Left-brain then kicks back in to plan & organize

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Being a better teacher

• Success doesn’t hinge on being a better analyst, but a better teacher

• Highly persuasive individuals engage clients using stories, similes, metaphors, anecdotes and simple illustrations – all can be a great way to help clients think about making changes

• Artistic ability not required!

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Use illustrations to educate

“These are elevators. Now, let me ask you a question. If there were an earthquake, which one would you rather be on?”

Simple explanation of the importance of diversification

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Use illustrations to educate

“Investing in a single stock is like having a large glass window. What happens if you throw a rock through it?”

“It would shatter”“Investing in mutual funds is like having a multi-pane window. Even if one

pane breaks you still have all the others in place.”

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What we Learned

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If I were to summarize in one sentence the single

most important principle I have learned in the field

of interpersonal relations, it would be this:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Dr. Stephen R. Covey

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Wrap-up

• Have clients leave with a sense they were heardand understood.

• Know yourself• 3 channels of communication• 7 keys for active listening• Learning styles• Impediments to communication• Ideas to facilitate communication

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Upcoming Event

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Thursday, October 27, 202011:00 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. EST

Event Page:MilitaryFamiliesLearningNetwork.org/event/69322/

This webinar discusses the resources available through the Extension and Land Grant university system and the Defense Commissary Agency (DECA) to increase proper nutrition for those working with vulnerable military service members.

Continuing education credit will be available for this webinar!

Resources for Addressing Food Access in Military Families

For archived and upcoming webinars visit: MilitaryFamiliesLearningNetwork.org/AllEvents/

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Evaluation & Continuing Education

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This webinar has been approved for the following continuing education (CE) credits:

• 1.5 general CEUs for AFCPE Accredited Financial Counselors (AFC)

• 1.5 general CEUs for FinCert Certified Personal Finance Counselors (CPFC)

• 1.5 Continuing Education credits for Certified Family Life Educators (CFLEs) from NCFR

Go to the event page for evaluation and post-test link.

Evaluation Link

Questions?Email Molly Herndon at mollyh2@extension.org

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