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MILL HILL NEWS BULLETIN
Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 1
WELCOME TO ISSUE 6 OF OUR
WEEKLY NEWS BULLETIN
We are putting out this News Bulletin for several reasons:
1. We feel that, at this strange time with many people
feeling isolated, it will be helpful to keep our U3A
members in touch;
2. There may be useful information that we can share
about what is going on locally;
3. We hope to be able to provide a little light relief.
Phil Joiner1 continues to share his ‘Jokes’ Bulletins with U3As around the country. This week it’s No. 7 (see bottom of this News), with some answers to questions in No. 6 and a new quiz for you. He has already distributed Nos. 8 and 9 and has told us that he will stop with No. 10. Thereafter, we shall almost certainly cease regularly sending out this MHU3A News Bulletin and will only be in touch when there is important news about the future of Mill Hill U3A.
1 Chairman and Newsletter Editor of Wanstead & Woodford U3A
Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 2
Linda Louisa Dell continues to be the rare MHU3A member to send in offerings; here are two jokes to cheer you up: Fish tank There were two fish in a TANK. The first one said to the other, “You drive and I’ll man the guns.”
The Rope Eleven people were hanging onto a rope under a helicopter; ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided one of them had to drop off, otherwise they all were all going to fall. The woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men applauded.
Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 3
Here are a couple of brain teasers for you to try: No. 1:
Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 4
No 2:
Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 5
Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 6
Mill Hill U3A — News Bulletin No. 6, 4 May – 10 May 2020 Page no. 7
Read the (National) U3A Newsletter – full of very good stuff! You can register to receive it via email by clicking this link:
https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385
AND FINALLY…….
If you or anyone you know are feeling a bit gloomy and in need of a chat at this difficult time for everyone, get in touch by email:
enquiries@millhillu3a.co.uk) and someone will ring!
If you have anything that you think will help our fellow members, do let us know.
https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385https://www.u3a.org.uk/newsletter?utm_source=U3A+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4047610678-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2020_04_09_12_47&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40791d727a-4047610678-517731385
‘CHEERFUL’ BULLETIN NUMBER 7
WORDS OF WISDOM
It takes a great person to be a good listener The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds
Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today When you make a choice, you change the future.
Prediction is difficult, especially about the future Lost Time is never found again
Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom Never complain, never explain
TO MAKE YOU SMILE
Traffic Wardens. Are they staying 2 meters apart? Shopping for vegetables. Mind your peas and queue
I fired my masseur. He rubbed me up the wrong way It makes me sick when people call me a hypochondriac
British Nuclear Scientists love Fission Chips The computer said 'Hello.' It must be A Del
My password is ’14 days' but it was too weak I bought some Harry Potter games. They were a quid each
A Pub called ‘The Fiddle’ was horrible. It was a vile Inn! Blind people don't go skydiving as it scares their dogs
Kylie Minogue walked into a bar ‘I should be so lucky’ Two male lions were cuddling. Have they no pride?
Sold my homing pigeons for the 17th time on eBay Drink in daytime and I’m alcoholic. So I only drink at night
JERUSALEM (APOLOGIES TO WILLIAM BLAKE)
And did those feet in modern times walk into a local superstore
And did they take all toilet rolls yet they came and wanted more
Didn’t think or even care of those without how they would fare
Was toilet paper buried there among their empty barren shelves
Bring back my rolls of quilted joy, bring back my rolls of triple ply
Bring back the ten score packs you took and I won’t even ask why
For in my fight I will not fall nor will I use my Nectar card
But I’ll rebuild those toilet roll in England’s greedy selfish land
Poem by Pat White of Bushey first published in the Daily Mail
A neighbour of mine had this sad tale to relate. ‘This has not been a good morning. After spending the last four weeks quarantined inside the house, I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in many years. It turned out to be a horribly big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slowly but then we went a little
faster, before I knew it we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off and caught my foot in the stirrups and got dragged along....The horse just would not stop. Thankfully the manager at Tesco's came out and unplugged the machine. He actually had the nerve to take the rest of my coins off me so I wouldn't try to ride the Elephant.’
Page 1
UPDATED VERSIONS OF TUNES YOU WILL KNOW
HOMEWARD BOUND
https://youtu.be/k0ci5EYb9qA
I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxOJ7hh3H-I
STAYING ALIVE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmUXntGlqFI
SOUND OF SILENCE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdWMEe6sLDY
BOHEMAIN RHAPSODY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ymMuCtowLk
I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9pQ-9XCwoQ
DAD’S ARMY THEME
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_yQRTZjBo0&t=15s
FRIENDS THEME
https://youtu.be/NmQbfWhW8mE
REFLECTIONS OF STAYING AT HOME
Half of us will end this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half with a drinking problem.
I need to practice social distancing with the refrigerator.
I have to decide where to go for my holidays. The living room or the bathroom..
I saw my stupid neighbour talking to her cat again. I told my dog and we both laughed.
I'm so excited it's time to take out the rubbish to the dustbins. What should I wear?
Page 2
https://youtu.be/k0ci5EYb9qAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxOJ7hh3H-Ihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmUXntGlqFIhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdWMEe6sLDYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ymMuCtowLkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9pQ-9XCwoQhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_yQRTZjBo0&t=15shttps://youtu.be/NmQbfWhW8mE
COMICAL CUTS
LADYBIRD BOOK OF COVID 19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgcqhOzWnqY
NEW SHOP OPENED JUST FOR WOMEN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTzzBzo_P20
Breaking news from the NHS. Next Tuesday at 10.00 p.m. a medical satellite is flying over the U.K.
to take everyone’s temperature. Please stand naked outside your front door.
THE ALPHABET OF EVERYDAY LIFE AT PRESENT
A is for Anxiety and feeling so tired B is for Boris who nearly expired C is for Corona we thought was a drink D is for Doomsday are we on the brink? E is for Excel with new hospital beds F is for fitness and taking our meds G is for Groceries if we get a slot H is for Healthy and not feeling hot I is for Isolation that we all need to do J is for Joy when all this is through K is for Killer virus so quick L is for Lockdown if we’re feeling sick M is for Mums with no time to rest N is for neighbours all doing their best
O is for Outbreak that affects quite a few P is for PPE which is well overdue Q is for Queues wherever you go R is for Recovery and not feeling low S is for Sleeping and Sitting I’m sure T is for Travel we cannot explore U is for Us each one doing their bit V is for Virus but hope we stay fit W is for washing, 20 seconds or more X is for Xtra hygiene although it’s a bore Y is for Youtube which is OK for some Z is for Zealous which the police have become That is the end of my sad little verse And hope my words have not made it worse!
TOPICAL ANAGRAMS
CAPTAIN TOM = MAIN TOP ACT COVID NINETEEN = NOT IN EVIDENCE
STAY AT HOME PLEA = EMPATHY, ALSO EAT WHERE IS ALL THE PPE? = HELP, ASLEEP, WITHER,
SELF ISOLATING = LIFE SO LASTING ISOLATE NOW BY ORDER = RELATIONS OBEY WORDS
KEIR STARMER LABOUR =. TERRIBLE SOUR KARMA
WELL DONE NHS = HELL ENDS NOW
STAY HOME SAVE LIVES =. MASSIVE VETOES HEAVILY CARE HOMES IGNORED = REDESIGN EACH ROOM
STAY IN YOUR HOME = HONESTY YOUR AIM NO CURE FOR VIRUS YET = OUTCRY FOR UNIVERSE
TOP 20 PANDEMIC HITS FOR THIS WEEK
Busy doing nothing Don’t stand so close to me Eve of destruction Every breath you take We gotta get out of this place In the air tonight The air that I breathe The Clapping song The times they are a-changin No particular place to go
Bing Crosby The Police Barry McGuire The Police The Animals Phil Collins The Hollies Shirley Ellis Bob Dylan Chuck Berry
Fever Staying alive Only the lonely Take my breath away Toxic School’s out I will survive All by myself I’m alive I want to break free
Elvis Presley Bee Gees Roy Orbison Berlin Britney Spears Alice Cooper Gloria Gaynor Eric Carmen The Hollies Queen
THESE SONGS WERE NOT CONSIDERED APPROPRIATE!
Leaving on a jet plane Sea Cruise It’s good news week
Peter Paul and Mary Herman’s Hermits Jonathan King
Come outside Summer holiday Happy together
Mike Sarne Cliff Richard The Turtles
Page 3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgcqhOzWnqYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTzzBzo_P20
CULTURE PAGE For those of you who want some culture, the good news is that the Coronavirus has
caused many famous Museums, Tourist Destinations, Zoos and Entertainment Centres to
amend their webpages to let you explore their webpage and in many instances show FREE
ACCESS virtual tours. For a few of them you might need to upload the Google Arts and
Culture App. As of 20th April these web pages were accessible, but that could of course
change and these tours etc may possibly not be available when we are back to normal.
MUSEUMS
MORE MUSEUMS GENERAL SITES
Uffizi Gallery, Florence, Italy
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam,
Louvre Museum Paris
Salvatore Dali Museum, Spain
Smithsonian, Washington DC
Museum Of London Docklands
National Gallery, London
British Museum, London
Natural History Museum, London
Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam,
The J. Paul Getty Museum, LA.
Musei Vaticani, Vatican City
Tate Britain, London
Met Museum, New York
MASP, Sao Paolo, Brazil
Guggenheim, Bilbao, Spain
Musée d’Orsay, Paris
National Gallery Of Arts,
Washington DC
Picasso Museum, Barcelona
Virginia Living Museum
Yale Centre For British Art
Royal Academy Of Arts, London
Hermitage Museum, St Petersburg,
I am indebted to Jane Brown for her
research on these places. She tells me
that ‘it gives me something to do in
between the wine and the chocolate’.
US Air Forces Museum
The Museum of Flight
Anne Franke Museum,
Amsterdam, Netherlands
US Holocaust Museum
3D Virtual Exhibitions
Bletchley Park
History Museum, Virginia
TOURISTS
DESTINATIONS
The Great Wall Of China
Street Art with Google
Taj Mahal, Agra, India
Stonehenge
Colosseum, Rome
Northern Lights
Tour of Rome, Italy
Buckingham Palace, London
Pyramids
Machu Picchu
Virtual Japan
National Aquarium, USA
AirPano
ExoPlanets Nasa
Walt Disney Parks
Legoland
Wellcome Collection
Berliner Philharominker
Langley Research Centre,
NASA
The Kennedy Centre
National Zoo, Washington DC
Hirakawa Zoo, Japan
Atlanta Zoo
Melbourne Zoo
Cincinnati Zoo
San Diego, California, Zoo
Osaka Zoo
Edinburgh Zoo
Yellowstone National Park
Florida Aquarium
Dublin Zoo
Kansas City Zoo
African Animals
International Wolf Centre
Explore.org Live Cams
Flamingo Land
STOP PRESS
Treasure Island is being performed live at the National Theatre on Youtube until next Thursday 23rd April.
Page 4
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VEGETABLE QUIZ ANSWERS
SPORTING ANAGRAMS ANSWERS
1 . VALUES SUM WIN Venus Williams 2. A BLAND EGOCENTRIC Rebecca Adlington
3. FINER ANDROID Rio Ferdinand 4. BENDER POET Peter Ebdon
5. WARY BLUSH Ruby Walsh 6. SANE GOVERNOR SINKS Sven Goran Eriksson
7. CAPABLE OF OIL Fabio Capello 8. GRIM MOON ELECTION Colin Mongomerie
9. PARK LAND FARM Frank Lampard 10. BUS ON TAIL Usain Bolt
11. RACES WILL Carl Lewis 12. A RUGGED HORN Darren Gough
13. SURE BREAK Sue Barker 14. MACEDONIAN CIA Nadia Comaneci
15. SMELLING LEAN Nigel Mansell 16. GAVE KNEE INK Kevin Keegan
17. A WINOS MOAN Ian Woosnam 18. WEARS HENNA Shane Warne
19. MOLDY TEA Tom Daley 20. OWNED A HUNG COD Duncan Goodhew
Page 5
QUIZ 1. ALL ANSWERS ARE NAMES OF UNDERGROUND STATIONS
EMOJI CLUE ANSWER
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6. ⬛
7.
8.
9.
10.
11. 🇨🇦
12. ⬅ 🇮🇳
13. ⬛
14. ⬇
15. ⬜
16. ✖
17.
18. 1 ⃣2 ⃣3 ⃣
19.
20.
21.
22.
Page 6
QUIZ NUMBER 2. ANAGRAMS: EVERY JAMES BOND FILM INCLUDING ONE STILL TO BE SHOWN
EXAMPLE: EASILY CORONA (Very topical!) CASINO ROYALE (Even James Bond is not immune)
1. FRINGED LOG
2. VIEW FOUR HAILSTORMS
3. COT DONOR
4. DASHINGLY TIGHT VEIL
5. YELLOW UNITY VOICE
6. SOOTY CUPS
7. TOTTENHAM NIL WHEN HUGGED
8. WEAK VITAL OIL
9. SEAN ODD OVER FIREARM
10. GENE YODEL
11. DEVOTEE OWNS MIRROR
12. EMOTION DIET
13. RANK MOORE
14. SO WHY DEVELOP THEM
15. YOU SORELY FRY ONE
16. DEVIL DATELINE
17. LONELIEST LICK
18. THE DULL BARN
19. RESPECT
20. SLY FLAK
21. UNEQUAL FOAM COST
22. HYDRATE NO IDEA
23. OUTDO LENGTHWISE HORN
24. SEEM NERVY CHESS TRAJECTORIES
25. EVEN ANNIVERSARY AGE
AND FINALLY…….
WHAT A GUY !
CAPTAIN TOM MOORE
ALMOST 100 YEARS OLD
HIS DONATION FUND HAS NOW EXCEEDED £25,000,000
Page 7
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