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Looking Out/Looking InLooking Out/Looking InThirteenth EditionThirteenth Edition
1111Interpersonal ConflictsInterpersonal Conflicts
CHAPTER TOPICSCHAPTER TOPICS
• The Nature of Conflict• Conflict Styles• Conflict in Relational Systems• Variables in Conflict Styles• Constructive Conflict Skills• Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers
22MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
The Nature of ConflictThe Nature of Conflict
• Conflict Defined• An expressed struggle between at least two
interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources and interference from the other party in achieving their goals
33MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
The Nature of ConflictThe Nature of Conflict
• Conflict Defined• Expressed struggle
• A conflict can exist only when both parties are aware of a disagreement
• Perceived incompatible goals• All conflicts look as if one party’s gain would be
another’s loss
• Perceived scarce resources• Conflicts exist when people believe there isn’t
enough of something to go around
44MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
The Nature of ConflictThe Nature of Conflict
• Conflict Defined• Interdependence
• However antagonistic they might feel, the parties in conflict are usually dependent on each other
• Interference from the other party• A conflict will not occur until the participants act in
ways that prevent one another from reaching their goals.
55MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
The Nature of ConflictThe Nature of Conflict
• Conflict is Natural• Every relationship of any depth has conflict• Regardless of how close, how understanding,
there will be times when conflict occurs
• Conflict can be Beneficial• Because it is impossible to avoid conflicts, the
challenge is to handle them well when they do arise
66MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
• Four Conflict Styles• Avoiding
• No Way
• Accommodating• Your way
• Competing • My way
• Collaborating • Our way
Figure 11.1 Page 381
77MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
• Avoiding (Lose – Lose)• When people nonassertively ignore or stay
away from conflict• Avoidance reflects a pessimistic attitude about
conflict under the belief that there is no good way to solve the problem at hand
• Avoiding often results in lose – lose outcomes in which none of the parties get what they want
88MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
• Accommodating (Lose – Win)• Occurs when you allow others to have their
way rather than asserting your point of view• If accommodation is a genuine act of
kindness, generosity, or love, then chances are good that it will enhance the relationship
• People from high-context, collectivist backgrounds are likely to regard avoidance and accommodating as face-saving
99MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
• Competing (Win-Lose)• Occurs when there is a high level of self
concern and a low level of concern for others• Direct Aggression
• When a communicator expresses a criticism or demand that threatens the face of another
• Passive Aggression• Occurs when a communicator expresses hostility
in an obscure or manipulative way
1010MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
• Compromising (Partial Lose – Lose)• Gives both parties some of what they want
although both sacrifice part of their goals• Compromising actually negotiates a solution
where both lose something• Some compromises do leave both parties
satisfied• When compromises are satisfying and
successful, they’re probably collaborations
1111MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
• Collaborating (Win – Win)• Shows a high degree of concern for
themselves as well as others• The goal of collaboration is to find a solution
that satisfies the needs of everyone involved• Collaboration gives you a way of creatively
finding just the right answer for your unique problem
1212MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
• Which Style to Use• Some issues to consider when deciding which
style to use:• The relationship• The situation• The other person• Your goals
1313MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict in Relational SystemsConflict in Relational Systems
• Complementary Style• Partners use different but mutually reinforcing
behaviors
• Symmetrical Style• Both partners use the same behaviors
• Parallel Style• Both partners shift between complementary
and symmetrical patterns
1414MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict in Relational SystemsConflict in Relational Systems
• Nonintimate-Aggressive• Partners fight but are unsuccessful at
satisfying important content and relational goals
• Nonintimate-Nonaggressive• Parties avoid conflicts – and each other –
instead of facing the issue head-on
1515MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict in Relational SystemsConflict in Relational Systems
• Intimate-Aggressive• Combines aggression and intimacy in a
manner that might seem upsetting to outsiders but works within the relationship
• Intimate-Nonaggressive• This sort of relationship has a low amount of
attacking or blaming
1616MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Conflict in Relational SystemsConflict in Relational Systems
• Conflict Rituals• Usually unacknowledged but very real
patterns of interlocking behavior• Common Rituals
• A young child interrupts her parents demanding to be included in their conversation
• A boss flies into a rage when pressure builds at work
• Roommates have a blowout over housekeeping responsibilities
1717MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Variables in Conflict StylesVariables in Conflict Styles
• Gender• Men and women approach conflicts differently• Adolescent boys tent to use direct aggression• Adolescent girls tent to use indirect
aggression• Gender conflict style is often stereotyped and
not always the same
1818MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Variables in Conflict StylesVariables in Conflict Styles
• Culture• Individualistic Cultures• Collectivistic Cultures• When indirect communication is a cultural
norm, it is unreasonable to expect straightforward approaches to succeed
• A person’s self-concept is more powerful than his or her culture in determining conflict style
1919MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Constructive Conflict SkillsConstructive Conflict Skills
• Identify Your Problems and Unmet Needs
• Make a Date
• Describe Your Problems and Needs
• Consider your Partner’s Point of View
• Negotiate a Solution
• Follow up the Solution
2020MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Constructive Conflict: Questions Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answersand Answers
• Isn’t the Win-Win approach too good to be true?• Not only is it a good idea, it actually works• Win – Win produces better results than a Win
– Lose approach• It’s impossible to reach a Win-Win solution
when your partner refuses to cooperate
2121MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Constructive Conflict: Questions Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answersand Answers
• Isn’t the Win-Win approach too elaborate?• The approach is detailed and highly
structured• Every step of the Win-Win approach is
important• When learning the process try to follow all of
the steps carefully
2222MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Constructive Conflict: Questions Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answersand Answers
• Isn’t the Win-Win approach too rational?• You might need to temporarily remove
yourself from the situation to calm down• Be sure your partner understands the process
as well as your experience level with it• If Win – Win seems too time consuming,
consider the alternative
2323MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Constructive Conflict: Questions Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answersand Answers
• Is it Possible to Change Others?• The key lies in showing that it’s in your
partner's self-interest to work together with you
• You can also boost the odds of getting your partner's cooperation by modeling the communication skills described in this book
• Practice, practice, practice
2424MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTSMANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
Chapter ReviewChapter Review
• The Nature of Conflict
• Conflict Styles
• Conflict in Relational Systems
• Variables in Conflict Styles
• Constructive Conflict Skills
• Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers
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