Leadership with Emotion - WordPress.com · Middle Leader –Senior Leader •Became a Middle Leader...

Leadership with Emotion

•I was painfully shy as a child•Crying was my way out of every difficult/challenging

situation•Fear stopped me from pushing myself forward

•I invested myself fully in my friendships – double edged sword!

•I grew up feeling thin-skinned and fragile.•I felt that my emotional self would always be an

obstacle, never a strength.

•Then I became a teacher…!

Middle Leader – Senior Leader• Became a Middle Leader aged 26• 10 years desperately trying to

supress my emotions, feeling like my emotional self would scupper my ability to lead my team.

• Result – self consciousness, frustration, irritability, constant fear of being ‘found out’

Who in here is a leader?•Leads a team (subject / year / phase / school)?•Leads students (teaches groups of children)?•Leads a family (raising children / providing an

example)?•Anyone not a leader??

•We are all leaders.

Emotions…•Emotions are raw impulses and chemical reaction.•Emotions are designed to activate, to solve

problems, to affect change, to meet needs. •An emotion is (in theory) controllable.

•You can’t be described as ‘too emotional’ – we are all hardwired to be emotional beings.

Emotions are contagious by design

The ability to name our emotions is what differentiates us from the African Buffalo.

So what does ‘too emotional’ actuallymean?

Work: The emotional rollercoaster?

Helpful? Unhelpful?

Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

• 8 basic emotions• 8 advanced emotions each

composed of two basic emotions

• Emotions grow in intensity from the outside in.

“If left unchecked, emotions can intensify”

The Emotionally Intelligent leader…

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to make healthy choices based on accurately identifying, understanding and managing your own feelings and those of others.”

Andy Cope

5 elements of Emotional

Intelligence

Radical Candour – Kim Scott

Emotional Self-Awareness• Always bring your whole-self to work• Don’t try to hide your emotions. • If you’re having a shit day, own it!• Everyone will know anyway!• Better to be open and honest, than have your team

walking on egg-shells around you (that will annoy you even more).

• If it’s that bad (emotional trauma, grief etc), stay away – you do yourself no favours – take a mental health day.

Master your reactions…• You can’t manage the emotions of others.• Everyone is responsible for their own

emotions.• Acknowledge and show compassion.• Listen and ask questions – get to the root of it.• Don’t assume it’s your fault!• Don’t add your guilt to their difficulty.• Don’t tell people how to feel• Invest time in relationships.

Acknowledge, don’t suppress!• Learn the language of emotion.• Become emotionally literate.• Listen to your own emotions

and question – what am I really feeling and why?

• This will help you acknowledge and manage your reactions to others.

Post-Script to this talk…• We have been conditioned to think

that emotion equals weakness in the workplace.

• We have been conditioned to believe that fear, a lack of confidence and vulnerability will hold us back.

• We have been conditioned to believe that volume and voice count.

• This has not been done any one group. This has been created by society at large.

“If we want a world with greater equality, we need to acknowledge that women are less likely to keep their hands up. We need institutions and individuals to notice and correct for this behaviour by encouraging, promoting and championing more women. And women have to learn to keep their hands up, because when they lower them, even managers with the best intentions might not notice”

Sheryl SandbergChief Operating Officer, Facebook