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INTIMACY &COMMITMENT
The Canadian Family Dynamic
Instructor: Gail McCabe PhD RSSWThursday, June 5, 2008
Intimacy & Commitment
Intimacy: closely acquainted or associated; very familiar on a fundamental or essential level
Commitment: dedication to a long-term course of action; engagement; involvement
Establishing Intimacy
Homogamy (likeness or similarities of individuals) Endogamy (within groups) Exogamy (outside groups)
Establishing Intimacy Social or Structural Characteristics Social Status (123) Arranged Marriage vs. Free Choice Individualistic Explanations Sociocultural Explanations Sexualization and Sexual Scripts
Social Status
Class endogamy Occupational endogamy Educational endogamy Mesalliance: marriage with a person of a lower social
position Hypergamy: female marries into a higher social class Hypogamy: female marries into a lower social class
The “Marriage Squeeze”
Imbalance in the sex ratio (# of males and females available for marriage) if there is a shortage
1950s; men faced a shortage of women
1980s-90s, shortage of men and is predicted that there will be a shortage of women
Race and Ethnicity
Inter-racial marriage restricted in US until 1967
Women tend to marry within their group
Immigrants from China, India and Japan have higher tendency to marry people from native country than those from Greece, Italy, Africa or France
Arranged Marriage vs. Free Choice
Arranged marriages preserve family property, furthers political linkages, protects economic and status concerns, continuity and stability
Based on dowry or size of bride’s price, reputation of potential spouse’s kin group
Social Construction of Love
At first sight? Fell in it? Made it? Have it? Would like to find it?
What is it? Dictionary: “intense affection for another based on shared experiences or interests, and an intense attraction to another person based largely on sexual desire”
Individualistic Explanations of Partnering
1. Instinctive and Biological Theory
2. Parental Image Theory-Freud
3. Complimentary Needs Theory- Winch
1. Instinct and Biological Theory
What guides people to each other is instinct
Based on genetic similarities
Parental Image Theory-Freud
Tend to fall in love with a person similar to opposite sex parent (so unconscious?)
Oedipus Complex: mother is object of love
Electra Complex See p. 133
Complimentary Needs TheoryRobert Winch
Mate selection complimentary rather than homogamous
Psychological needs and individual motivation
Sociocultural Explanations of Partnering Influenced by age, race, religion, class,
proximity Value Theory Role Theory Exchange Theory Sequential Theories
Value Theory
Sharing similar values: what is good, worthwhile, moral When people share similar values, they validate each
other promoting emotional satisfaction and enhances the means of communication
If couples do not hold the same values or are attacked, resentment may result
P. 135
Role Theory
Expectations of their own behaviour and that of their mates
Would you marry someone who you expect to do _________ rather than someone who does not?
Exchange Theory Bargaining and transactions in mate selection Behaviour is purposive and goal oriented Goal is to get something positive out of it Presented with alternative to current relationship that is
perceived as superior/better may see termination of current relationship in pursuit of the better one
Sequential Theories Murstein’s Stimulus-Value-Role
1. Stimulus drawn to another (attractiveness, intellect, voice), if mutual
2. Value comparison value compatibility thru verbal interaction ( i.e attitudes towards life) if couple believes they share values, they will be attracted to each other (an attractive choice)
3. Role stage must share role definitions as well as values (lover, parent)
Sequential Theories Bert Adams
Mate selection priorities:1. Conditions or barriers, proximity2. Early attractions: physical qualities, similar interest3. Deeper attractions: personality similarity4. Defining the other as “the one” or the “best I can get”
Dating Dating came about because marriage became based
on love and sexual attraction Dating is opportunity to know what is expected of self
and others Computer match-ups, videotape selections, singles
clubs and groups, newspaper ads, singles bars
Dating cont.
Dating came about because marriage became based on love and sexual attraction
Dating is opportunity to know what is expected of self and others
Computer match-ups, videotape selections, singles clubs and groups, newspaper ads, singles bars
Engagement Exists in some form in all societies Marriage is seldom taken lightly, societies
provide social structure or instill awareness in the couple and community that the relationship is to be taken seriously
Sexuality and Intimacy Sexual expression is regulated and controlled through
social norms, roles Expectations differ for males and females, in public and
private places, for married and singles etc Laws punish the prostitute, distributor of child
pornography or the rapist All societies control sexuality
Sexualization and Sexual Scripts Sexualization – sexual socialization
• process by which people learn and internalize their sexual self-concepts, values, attitudes, behaviors
• Symbolic interaction theory claims that people become sexual beings trough social interaction
Sexual Scripts/Cultural Scripts• Blueprint of what sexuality is and how it is practiced:
who, what when, where, why of sexuality• Scripts are the plans that we have in our heads• An script is a cognitive scheme that affects his or hers
actual conduct
According to Simon and Gagnon sexual scripting occurs on three levels:
Cultural scenarios Interpersonal scripts Intrapsychic Sexual life cycles tend to be subsumed
under headings of premarital, marital, extra-marital and post marital experiences
Statistics 1970: 57% of Canadians surveyed thought pre-marital sex was
wrong 1991: 22% felt this way 1980s: AIDs and awareness raising appears; High risk behaviors Sexual permissiveness, incidence and prevalence Sexual revolution was real but restricted to premarital and
heterosexual behavior
Establishing Commitment Marriage as a social institution Canadian Marriage and Cohabitation Trends
• Non-marital cohabitation• Cohabitation and marital stability• Variations in marriage rates
Power in Conjugal Relationships• Characteristics of conjugal power• Conjugal power and decision making in intimate relationships• Theory of resources• Egalitarian ethic
Marital Quality• Dimensions of marital or relationship quality• Marital conflict• Marital quality between generations• Marital quality over the lifecourse
Marital Status and Well Being
Married men and women are: • happier and less stressed • less emotional and health problems than
unmarried men and women• more likely to abstain from smoking, drink
moderately, avoid risk-taking behaviour• live longer
Marital Status and Well Being Married women have more economic
resources “safety net” Men receive more emotional support in
marriage
Canadian Marriage & Cohabitation Trends
Fewer the # of women to men, higher the # who marry and at a younger age
Marriage rates dropped during the Great Depression, rose during and after the WWII and declined again over the last two decades
Factors Contributing to Decline and Delays in Marriage
Increase in nonmarital sexual activity Increase in the independence of young people A reduction in fertility Temporary shortage of males Increase in divorce Increase in nonmarital cohabitation
Cohabitation More common in Quebec Among older couples with children (unlike rest of
Canada) See p. 158 figure 6.1 Couples who cohabited before marriage reported lower
quality marriages, lower commitment to the institution of marriage
More individualistic views of marriage and greater likelihood of divorce
Egalitarian Ethic Husbands who were more progressive (less traditional)
were found to show increases in marital quality
Wives who held non traditional gender role attitudes reported increases in negative aspects of the marriage (less happiness, more disagreements )
Marital Quality Social attachment is more important and a better predictor of
well-being than legal status of being married Catherine Ross- 4 levels of marital status: no partner, partner
outside of the household, living with a partner and married partner
Marital quality is essentially a relative agreement by partners on what issues are important, sharing similar tasks and activities and demonstration of affection
Newlyweds study: happiness, equity, competence and control Conflict is natural and inevitable therefore the quality of
marriage is not based on whether the conflict exists, but on how the conflict is measured
Evaluating Marital Quality Begins in the 1920s Dyadic Adjustment Scale by Graham Spanier (32 items) Satisfaction: Do you confide in your mate? Are you happy? Cohesion: Exchange ideas and do things together? Consensus: Agreement on finances, religion, friends, household
tasks Showing love and affection Susan Hendriks developed a seven-item relationship assessment
scale
Marital Alternatives Jessie Bernard: Marriage can be successful to the
extent that it provides the highest satisfaction possible, not imaginable
Costs and rewards How much better or worse they would be without their
present spouse and how easily that spouse could be replaced
7% of intact marriages are stable but unhappy
Marital Quality Over the Life Course U shaped pattern Marital satisfaction high at beginning Declines when children born Marital satisfaction increases when children
leave home and remains high through retirement
What Keeps Long Term Marriages Going?
Survey of 100 couples married 45+years• Mate is best friend• Like mate as a person• See marriage as a long term (sacred) commitment• Agree on aims and goals• Laugh together frequently
Survey Findings (1992) 94% faithfulness is most important factor for a
successful marriage 63% happy sexual relationship 53% sharing chores 46% living away from in-lawsMarital quality, regardless of how it’s measured, is
remarkably stable phenomenon, unaffected by gender or marital duration
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