HOW TO SAY O PRESERVE THE RELATIONSHIP · HOW TO SAY “NO” AND PRESERVE THE RELATIONSHIP by...

HOW TO SAY “NO” ANDPRESERVE THE RELATIONSHIP

by Martin E. Latz, Esq.Adj. Prof. of Law–Negotiation since 1995Arizona State University College of Law

Oregon State BarOctober 15, 2015Portland, Oregon

© 2015 Latz Negotiation Institute (LNI). All Rights Reserved.

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LNI’s faculty for this program

Martin E. Latz, Esq.

www.NegotiationInstitute.com

Adjunct Professor of Law for Negotiation,Arizona State University College of Law since 1995Founder and CEO, Latz Negotiation Institute (LNI), Inc. and ExpertNegotiator Planning & Management SoftwareDeveloped and taught negotiation training programs for over 90,000 lawyers and business professionals around the world since 1995Negotiated for The White House nationally and internationally on the White House Advance TeamsAppeared as a negotiation expert on CBS’ The Early Showand such national business shows as Your Money and FoxBusinessAuthor, Gain the Edge! Negotiating to Get What You Want,www.GainTheEdge.comNegotiation columnist for The Arizona RepublicHarvard Law School, cum laude

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LNI’s faculty for this program

Martin E. Latz, Esq.

www.NegotiationInstitute.com

Adjunct Professor of Law for Negotiation,Arizona State University College of Law since 1995Founder and CEO, Latz Negotiation Institute (LNI), Inc. and ExpertNegotiator Planning & Management SoftwareDeveloped and taught negotiation training programs for over 90,000 lawyers and business professionals around the world since 1995Negotiated for The White House nationally and internationally on the White House Advance TeamsAppeared as a negotiation expert on CBS’ The Early Showand such national business shows as Your Money and FoxBusinessAuthor, Gain the Edge! Negotiating to Get What You Want,www.GainTheEdge.comNegotiation columnist for The Arizona RepublicHarvard Law School, cum laude

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

CONTENTS PAGE

Presentation Outline................................................................................................................. 4

Suggested Additional Negotiation Readings ........................................................................... .18

3

TABLE OF CONTENTS

CONTENTS PAGE

Presentation Outline................................................................................................................. 4

Suggested Additional Negotiation Readings ........................................................................... .18

4

Presentation Outline

for

LATZ NEGOTIATION INSTITUTE’S

HOW TO SAY “NO” AND PRESERVE THE RELATIONSHIP

© 2015 Latz Negotiation Institute (LNI). All Rights Reserved.

4

Presentation Outline

for

LATZ NEGOTIATION INSTITUTE’S

HOW TO SAY “NO” AND PRESERVE THE RELATIONSHIP

© 2015 Latz Negotiation Institute (LNI). All Rights Reserved.

5

LESSONS“FAMILY STORY”

Your Challenges in Saying “No”

What issues have you found most challenging when you have to say “No”?

5

LESSONS“FAMILY STORY”

Your Challenges in Saying “No”

What issues have you found most challenging when you have to say “No”?

6

LATZ’S RULES IN SAYING “NO” AND PRESERVING THE RELATIONSHIP

RULE 1INFORMATION IS KEY

A. Set Your Goals

In any situation involving a possible “no” - first determine your goal(s). Then design a strategy to support it.

B. Develop an Information-Bargaining Strategy – Ways to Get and Share Information

The more you learn about what both sides have and will agree to, the better you’ll do.

1. Get substantive information – don’t jump to “no”

a. Explore relevant facts

b. Probe deeply for your and their interests – find overlap

c. Brainstorm options so no “no” is necessary – find “yesable” options

2. Get strategic intelligence – investigate reputation/past tactics

3. Open up: good relationships involve more sharing – not less

Don’t be evasive or manipulative!

7

PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN TO SAY “NO” AND PRESERVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

RULE 1INFORMATION IS KEY

A. What is Your Goal?

B. What Critical Information Do You Need to Get/Explore?

1. Relevant facts and interests to obtain?

2. Options that might satisfy interests – “yesable” propositions?

6

LATZ’S RULES IN SAYING “NO” AND PRESERVING THE RELATIONSHIP

RULE 1INFORMATION IS KEY

A. Set Your Goals

In any situation involving a possible “no” - first determine your goal(s). Then design a strategy to support it.

B. Develop an Information-Bargaining Strategy – Ways to Get and Share Information

The more you learn about what both sides have and will agree to, the better you’ll do.

1. Get substantive information – don’t jump to “no”

a. Explore relevant facts

b. Probe deeply for your and their interests – find overlap

c. Brainstorm options so no “no” is necessary – find “yesable” options

2. Get strategic intelligence – investigate reputation/past tactics

3. Open up: good relationships involve more sharing – not less

Don’t be evasive or manipulative!

7

PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN TO SAY “NO” AND PRESERVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

RULE 1INFORMATION IS KEY

A. What is Your Goal?

B. What Critical Information Do You Need to Get/Explore?

1. Relevant facts and interests to obtain?

2. Options that might satisfy interests – “yesable” propositions?

8

RULE 2UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF “NO”

A. Do the BATNA (Plan B for both sides)

NO means going with your

Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

1. Why?

a. Tells you when to say “no”

Prevents you from accepting a situation you should reject

b. Tells you when to say “yes”

Accept situation only if it’s better than your best likely alternative

B. Take concrete practical steps to strengthen your Plan B

9

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN TO SAY “NO” AND PRESERVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

RULE 2UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF “NO”

A. What is your Plan B?

B. What can you do to strengthen your Plan B?

8

RULE 2UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF “NO”

A. Do the BATNA (Plan B for both sides)

NO means going with your

Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

1. Why?

a. Tells you when to say “no”

Prevents you from accepting a situation you should reject

b. Tells you when to say “yes”

Accept situation only if it’s better than your best likely alternative

B. Take concrete practical steps to strengthen your Plan B

9

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN TO SAY “NO” AND PRESERVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

RULE 2UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF “NO”

A. What is your Plan B?

B. What can you do to strengthen your Plan B?

10

RULE 3EXPLAIN YOUR “NO” WITH “FAIR” OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

Issue: What is “fair and reasonable”?

A. Find and Use Independent Standards Justifying your “No”

1. Market-value

2. Precedent

3. Tradition

4. Expert- and scientific-judgment power

5. Efficiency

6. Costs and profit

7. Policy

8. Professional or industry standards

Standards depersonalize situations!

11

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN

RULE 3EXPLAIN YOUR “NO” WITH “FAIR” OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

Issue: What is “fair and reasonable”?

A. What Independent Standards Can Justify your “No”?

RULE 4COMBINE YOUR “NO” WITH A YESABLE OFFER

Issue: How you say “no” can preserve – or destroy – your relationship

A. Don’t Just Say “No”

B. Provide a Yesable Offer

1. Explain how it satisfies your and their interests

2. Share why it’s “fair” (objective criteria)

C. Consider Psychological Expectations

1. Do Some Dancing – So They Feel Good

2. The Reciprocity Rule (Cialdini)

RESEARCH: We try to repay – in kind – what others provide to us.

Mention the Future and the Relationship’s Importance

10

RULE 3EXPLAIN YOUR “NO” WITH “FAIR” OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

Issue: What is “fair and reasonable”?

A. Find and Use Independent Standards Justifying your “No”

1. Market-value

2. Precedent

3. Tradition

4. Expert- and scientific-judgment power

5. Efficiency

6. Costs and profit

7. Policy

8. Professional or industry standards

Standards depersonalize situations!

11

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN

RULE 3EXPLAIN YOUR “NO” WITH “FAIR” OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

Issue: What is “fair and reasonable”?

A. What Independent Standards Can Justify your “No”?

RULE 4COMBINE YOUR “NO” WITH A YESABLE OFFER

Issue: How you say “no” can preserve – or destroy – your relationship

A. Don’t Just Say “No”

B. Provide a Yesable Offer

1. Explain how it satisfies your and their interests

2. Share why it’s “fair” (objective criteria)

C. Consider Psychological Expectations

1. Do Some Dancing – So They Feel Good

2. The Reciprocity Rule (Cialdini)

RESEARCH: We try to repay – in kind – what others provide to us.

Mention the Future and the Relationship’s Importance

12

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN

RULE 4COMBINE YOUR “NO” WITH A YESABLE OFFER

A. What is your yesable offer?

B. How does it satisfy your and their interests?

C. What standard(s) make it “fair”?

13

RULE 5CONTROL THE SETTING

Issues: When and where you say “no” affects your relationship!

A. Prepare for your Conversation or Meeting

B. Consider the Setting and its Impact on Relationship

1. Where: Formal – informal continuum

2. How: Personal meeting/Phone/E-mail/Text . . .

3. When: Have sufficient time to engage

C. Possibly put it in Writing

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN

RULE 5CONTROL THE SETTING

A. What Setting Should You Suggest?

B. Should You Put it in Writing?

12

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN

RULE 4COMBINE YOUR “NO” WITH A YESABLE OFFER

A. What is your yesable offer?

B. How does it satisfy your and their interests?

C. What standard(s) make it “fair”?

13

RULE 5CONTROL THE SETTING

Issues: When and where you say “no” affects your relationship!

A. Prepare for your Conversation or Meeting

B. Consider the Setting and its Impact on Relationship

1. Where: Formal – informal continuum

2. How: Personal meeting/Phone/E-mail/Text . . .

3. When: Have sufficient time to engage

C. Possibly put it in Writing

CONTINUE TO PREPARE A STRATEGIC PLAN

RULE 5CONTROL THE SETTING

A. What Setting Should You Suggest?

B. Should You Put it in Writing?

14

IMPLEMENT THESE STRATEGIES WITH A COLLEAGUE

PREPARE ANOTHER STRATEGIC PLAN (ONE OF YOUR EXAMPLES)

RULE 1INFORMATION IS KEY

A. What is Your Goal?

B. What Critical Information Do You Need to Get/Explore?

1. Relevant facts and interests to obtain?

2. Options that might satisfy interests – “yesable” propositions?

RULE 2UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF “NO”

A. What is your Plan B?

B. What can you do to strengthen your Plan B?

15

RULE 3EXPLAIN YOUR “NO” WITH “FAIR” OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

Issue: What is “fair and reasonable”?

A. What Independent Standards Can Justify your “No”?

RULE 4COMBINE YOUR “NO” WITH A YESABLE OFFER

C. What is your yesable offer?

D. How does it satisfy your and their interests?

C. What standard(s) make it “fair”?

14

IMPLEMENT THESE STRATEGIES WITH A COLLEAGUE

PREPARE ANOTHER STRATEGIC PLAN (ONE OF YOUR EXAMPLES)

RULE 1INFORMATION IS KEY

A. What is Your Goal?

B. What Critical Information Do You Need to Get/Explore?

1. Relevant facts and interests to obtain?

2. Options that might satisfy interests – “yesable” propositions?

RULE 2UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF “NO”

A. What is your Plan B?

B. What can you do to strengthen your Plan B?

15

RULE 3EXPLAIN YOUR “NO” WITH “FAIR” OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

Issue: What is “fair and reasonable”?

A. What Independent Standards Can Justify your “No”?

RULE 4COMBINE YOUR “NO” WITH A YESABLE OFFER

C. What is your yesable offer?

D. How does it satisfy your and their interests?

C. What standard(s) make it “fair”?

16

RULE 5CONTROL THE SETTING

A. What Setting Should You Suggest?

B. Should You Put it in Writing?

LESSONS LEARNED?

1.

2.

3.

17

TOP TEN IMPASSE-BREAKING STRATEGIES IF YOU SAY “NO” AND REACH IMPASSE

1. Get or share more information

2. Switch objective criteria

3. Prioritize needs and interests

4. Brainstorm options

5. Set deadlines

6. Temporarily put aside the issue

7. Take a break

8. Move up the chain

9. Pick a fair alternative process (mediation, arbitration)

10. Concede

MARTY’S “PEARLS OF WISDOM”

Please fill out evaluations, including negotiation column sign-up.

Appreciate written comments!

And learn more with us on:

LinkedIn.com/in/MartyLatz Facebook.com/Marty.Latz Twitter.com/MartyLatz

THANK YOU!

16

RULE 5CONTROL THE SETTING

A. What Setting Should You Suggest?

B. Should You Put it in Writing?

LESSONS LEARNED?

1.

2.

3.

17

TOP TEN IMPASSE-BREAKING STRATEGIES IF YOU SAY “NO” AND REACH IMPASSE

1. Get or share more information

2. Switch objective criteria

3. Prioritize needs and interests

4. Brainstorm options

5. Set deadlines

6. Temporarily put aside the issue

7. Take a break

8. Move up the chain

9. Pick a fair alternative process (mediation, arbitration)

10. Concede

MARTY’S “PEARLS OF WISDOM”

Please fill out evaluations, including negotiation column sign-up.

Appreciate written comments!

And learn more with us on:

LinkedIn.com/in/MartyLatz Facebook.com/Marty.Latz Twitter.com/MartyLatz

THANK YOU!

18

SUGGESTED NEGOTIATION READINGS

LATZ, Martin E., Gain the Edge! Negotiating to Get What You Want (St. Martin’s Press, 2004) www.GainTheEdge.com

CIALDINI, Robert, Influence: Science and Practice, 4th Edition (Allyn and Bacon, 2001)

FISHER, Roger, William Ury and Bruce Patton, Getting To Yes: Negotiating Agreement WithoutGiving In, 3rd Edition (Penguin Books, 1991)

URY, William, Getting Past No: Negotiating Your Way From Confrontation to Cooperation(Bantam Books, 1991)

URY, William, The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes (Random House, 2012)

18

SUGGESTED NEGOTIATION READINGS

LATZ, Martin E., Gain the Edge! Negotiating to Get What You Want (St. Martin’s Press, 2004) www.GainTheEdge.com

CIALDINI, Robert, Influence: Science and Practice, 4th Edition (Allyn and Bacon, 2001)

FISHER, Roger, William Ury and Bruce Patton, Getting To Yes: Negotiating Agreement WithoutGiving In, 3rd Edition (Penguin Books, 1991)

URY, William, Getting Past No: Negotiating Your Way From Confrontation to Cooperation(Bantam Books, 1991)

URY, William, The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes (Random House, 2012)