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Joe Bloggs is an average student. He thinks that the following are great sentences, because they use words from the prompt. PROMPT: Convince your parents you need a raise in your allowance. Joe’s sentence: There are several reasons I need more allowance. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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Joe Bloggs is an average student. He thinks that the following are
great sentences, because they use words from the prompt.
PROMPT:PROMPT:
Convince your parents you need a raise in your allowance.
Joe’s sentence:Joe’s sentence:There are several reasons I need
more allowance.
PROMPT:PROMPT:
Convince your parents to listen to your music.
Joe’s sentence:Joe’s sentence: Mom, there are many reasons you should listen to my music.
PROMPT:PROMPT:
The dropout rate is currently 16. Should it be lowered? Support
your answer.
Joe’s sentence:Joe’s sentence: The dropout age is too low for
several reasons.
These sentences are satisfactory, but boring. They use dead words that you should not use in your
writing.
Here are some words to avoid:
DO NOT USE THEM IN DO NOT USE THEM IN SIMPLE SENTENCES AS THE SIMPLE SENTENCES AS THE
MAIN VERB.MAIN VERB.
For example:
Don’t say: The light was bright.
SAY: The searing light of the sun stabbedstabbed my eyes.
The verb “stabbed” is an action, and it conveys information better
than “was” plus an adjective.
Additionally, the new sentence gives you a sense of setting and
purpose.
Standing at the grave, tears streaming down his sunken cheeks and staining his starched white shirt and tie, the boy remembered what it was like to have someone love him; he knew the sun would never shine again, now that the drunk driver had
stolen his mother.
This is a better sentence because it uses dependent clauses
(Standing at the grave, tears streaming down his sunken
cheeks,)
to set the mood.
The reader is given much more information about the why of the loneliness, through the images of
the tear-stained tie and the gravesite, along with the
universal tragedy of the drunk driver.
“Getting paid for doing your job is good, right?” I asked my
parents one night after cleaning the toilets in our 2 and ½
bathrooms.
The dropout age is now 16. In the year 2050, if this continues, think how bad a world this will
create.
In these examples, the students begin with questions, change
boring dead verbs for living ones, and generally get off to a good
start.
Read the next few sentences, then revised them, replacing the dead verbs with living ones, creating
images that stick with the reader.
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