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Emotional Regulation 101: Emotional Regulation 101: How Full is Your Bucket? plus How Full is Your Bucket? plus Collaborative Problem-Solving Collaborative Problem-Solving
(CPS)(CPS)
Emotional Regulation 101: Emotional Regulation 101: How Full is Your Bucket? plus How Full is Your Bucket? plus Collaborative Problem-Solving Collaborative Problem-Solving
(CPS)(CPS)
Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License
Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT
Revised Mar 19, 2013
Everyone has a bucket...
• Our bucket gets filled up when we have stress
Everyone has a bucket...
• You feel, learn, work and play the best when your bucket has “just enough” in it
Our Bucket Can Be Empty, Just Right, or Too Full!
Bucket Empty!Bored Underwhelmed, understimulated, too
little stimulation
Just Right
“Just right” or just enough stimulation
Bucket Full!Frustrated, mad,
angry, upset, sad, anxious
Overwhelmed, overstimulated, too much stimulation
Stresses that might fill your bucket...
• School– Teachers– Classmates– Friends – Schoolwork / homework
• Home– Brothers / sisters– Parents / grandparents– Chores / Rules
• Other– Doctor’s appointments!– Extracurricular activities– Friends, neighbours,etc...– Home expectations at the end of the day, etc.
Home
Other
School
Other stresses that might fill your bucket…
• Sensory input: little or too much….• Sound• Touch• Movement• Smell• Taste• Vision (e.g. light)
• Changes or transitions (because these are a change in sensory input)
• Motor stresses such as:• Too much motor demands such as
handwriting, gym, day-to-day physical demands…
• Too little motor demands (i.e. not enough movement!)
Changes
Motor
Sensory
Different Things Fill Our Buckets
• What fills your bucket might not fill another person’s bucket
• Disagreements can happen because what empties one person’s bucket actually fills another person’s!
• E.g. the same music which soothes one person may stress out another!
Q. What fills your bucket?
1. _____________________2. _____________________3. _____________________4. _____________________5. _____________________
The bad news is that you feel• Frustrated• Sad• Worried / Nervous (“Fright”)• Wanting to escape (“Flight”) • Irritable / Angry (“Fight”)• Paralyzed (“Freeze”)
When your bucket is full...
When your bucket is full...
• The good news is that you can find a way to empty it!
When your bucket is full...
• If you can only do one thing to empty your bucket, then it would be TELL AN ADULT (so that he or she can help you empty your bucket)
Its easier to empty our bucket if we can do it
BEFORE it gets completely full
We can talk about what fills our bucket…
Homework
Sounds
Mom/Dad, my bucket is starting to get full…What bugs me is•Homework: I don’t understand the math•Sounds: Its too loud!
Usual Things that Empty Buckets!
1. Distraction
2. Problem-Solving the stress that fills your bucket
Distraction using your senses
• Touch: Deep pressure, shower, bath...
• Hearing: Music, quiet, singing...
• Seeing: Drawing, closing your eyes, visualizing....
• Oral/taste: Chewing, eating, drinking something...
• Smells: Scented candles, soothing smells...
• Movement: Going for a walk, a run, getting up for a break, dancing, any physical activity...
• A favorite activity...
Q. What are some ways to empty your bucket (by
distraction)?• (Usually its doing the things you like to do, like a
favourite subject/class, activity, having fun with family/friends…)
1. _____________________2. _____________________3. _____________________4. _____________________5. _____________________6. _____________________7. _____________________
Problem-Solving Identify and deal with the underlying
stress
School•Schoolwork•Teachers•Friends•Peers•Bullies•Other...
Home•Family stresses•Parents (mom, dad)•Siblings (brother, sister)•Other...
Q. What is the stress?
Stress Possible ways to deal with it...
1. ?
2. ?
3. ?
Spending time with a parent
• Spending 1:1 with a parent is a universal way of helping a child cope with any stress
What is the most powerful way to empty your bucket when full?
• As an adult, when your bucket is full (such as when you have lost someone close to you), what do you do to empty it?
A. You cry. • As an adult, when
your bucket is full (such as when you have lost someone close to you), the most powerful way to empty it is to CRY with SUPPORTIVE LOVED ONES...
Having a Good Cry• Having a good cry
with a parent is the most powerful way to empty your bucket
• Crying helps the brain adapt to any stress, even the most horrible ones imaginable
• Frustrated• Sad• Worried /
Nervous (“Fright”)
• Wanting to escape (“Flight”)
• Irritable / Angry (“Fight”)
Summary
Summary• We all have a bucket• Our bucket can get too full• When it gets full, the bad news is that we
feel angry, scared, upset, overwhelmed• The good news is that there are many
things we can do to empty our bucket• If you only do one thing, then
– TELL AN ADULT (like your mom or your dad!)– CRY ABOUT IT!
Life is like Weightlifting: Life is like Weightlifting: Collaborative Problem Solving Collaborative Problem Solving
ApproachApproach
Life is like Weightlifting: Life is like Weightlifting: Collaborative Problem Solving Collaborative Problem Solving
ApproachApproach
Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License
Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT Marjorie Anderson, OT
Revised Nov 17, 2010
Getting “Just Right” is also about Life being Balanced
Challenges or stresses
that you face
What you can cope
with=
In other words…
Demands, expectations
, stresses
Coping ability =
Demands, expectations
, stresses
Coping ability
•Physical (including sensory) demands of day-to-day life•School/work •Home/friends/family
Affected by...•Genetics•Presence of any conditions such as sensory processing issues
Q. What happens when demands/stresses >> coping?
Demands / Expectations /Stresses
Coping Ability
When overwhelmed, people may have problems with…
• How they feel physically• Their emotions
– Fight (e.g. anger) – Flight (e.g. anxiety) – Freeze– Sadness– Etc…
• Their behaviours – Withdrawal– Aggression – Controlling – ETc…
There are two solutions to restore the balance...
Demands / Expectations /Stresses
Coping Ability
Q. What happens when coping >> demands/stresses?
Demands / Expectations /Stresses
Coping Ability
The underwhelmed individual may have:
• Complaints of boredom and even… – Depression / anxiety / anger,
etc..
• Do things to stimulate him/herself to keep from being bored!
Life is like Weightlifting
Life is like weight lifting... balance between our coping ability, and between what demands and expectations are placed upon us.
10 kg 50 kg
Life DemandsChild’s Coping Ability
Life is like Weightlifting
Life is best when you can lift what life gives you, i.e. when your lifting ability matches the weight you have to lift
50 kg 50 kg
Life DemandsPerson’s Coping Ability
Question
What would happen if you could only lift 50 kg, but someone forced you to lift 100 kg?
100 kg
50 kg
Life is like weightlifting
Child’s Coping: Ability: what the child can lift
Demands: what we are asking the child to lift
100 kg
50 kg
Answer
You’d get hurt, injured, bruised, and be extremely stressed! And your nervous system would get angry [“fight”] or scared, anxious [“flight”], or “freeze”...
100 kg
50 kg
Q. So what is the solution?
100 kg
50 kg
Answer
50 kg
1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child is successful2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase expectations again over time
51 kg
Answer
1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child is successful2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase expectations again over time
50 kg49 kg
How do we reduce expectations?
• By triaging, or prioritizing your main expectations into 3 baskets, we can reduce the number of expectations to the point where your child is successful
• After a period of success, one can gradually increase the expectations, step by step
We triage, or prioritize your main expectations into 3 baskets, thereby
reducing the number of expectations to the point where your child is successful
Basket BNegotiableexpectations
Basket CExpectations to justforget about for now
Basket ANon-negotiableexpectations
Basket A• Expectations that go into Basket A are non-
negotiable expectations– Safety related issues
• E.g. No running in the street• E.g. No hitting your sibling
– Other mandatory expectations • E.g. Going to school• E.g. Eating dinner with the family • E.g. Doing chores
Basket B• Basket B are all the negotiable expectations that you
have for your child• Something that you want your child to do, but you are
willing to be flexible, negotiate or compromise about it • Example
– You want your child to participate in the family by doing chores, but you are willing to negotiate with your child over which chores he or she does
– You want your child to do homework on weekends, but you are willing to negotiate with your child over when your child wants to do it
Basket C• Basket C expectations are things that you
expect from your child which currently cause conflict or stress, but when you really think about it, they are expectations that you are willing to just ignore for now
• Example– You prefer that your child wears matching socks to
school, but you are willing to ignore that for now– You prefer that your child doesn’t swear when
angry, but you are willing to ignore it for now
Write down all the expectations (that cause conflict) that you have
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
6. ___________________________
7. ___________________________
Etc…
What are your Basket A expectations? (non-
negotiable)
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
Etc…
What are your Basket B expectations? (negotiable)
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
Etc…
What are your Basket C? (things to just ignore for
now)
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
Etc…
Acknowledgements and License• Thanks to all the children, youth, families, educators, and fellow
colleagues who have helped give feedback on the Bucket!• You are free to share and distribute as long as 1) these
materials are not used commercially, and 2) as long as materials are distributed in its entirety
• If you are a non-profit organization / health professional, feel free to contact use about adapting these for your own use
• Knowledge must be shared
Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License
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