View
220
Download
0
Category
Preview:
Citation preview
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
1/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
Emotional Intelligence &Difficult People
Rev. Hugh Lagan, SMA, Psy.D.
May 5, 2015
SaintLuke Institute
Facilitator Introduction
Rev. Hugh Lagan, SMA, Psy.D.
SaintLuke Institute
Learning Objectives
!"#$%&')#15&65 72 5"88/-&5,4"- ,-9 5"-:&5)
8,-,'181-) 30&;;3
*#+,$
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
2/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
Ground Rules I
You really cannot change anotherperson.
People only change when they are readyto change.
Try not to be too hard on people. No oneis perfect.
Where there is humanity, there isdifficulty.
You are a difficult person in someoneelses life.
SaintLuke Institute
Ground Rules II
No one can humiliate you without yourpermission.
No matter what the emotion, your responseis a choice.
You must want to understand the difficultperson.
While conflict is inevitable, combat isoptional.
We dont see things as they are, we see
them as we are.
SaintLuke Institute
Why Are Some People Difficult?
Because of genetics, early family life,fears, anxiety
Because their inappropriate behaviorswork for them
Because others tolerate theirinappropriate behaviors
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
3/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
We are taught from birth thatwhen we demand nosily
enough, we get what we wantor need.
SaintLuke Institute
The Problem With the Term Difficult
Labeling individuals as difficult shiftsattention from what the person did towho they are.
Remember, the difficult behavior isonly part of who the person is;acknowledge the whole person andgive credit for others strengths andcompetencies.
What makes the desertbeautiful is that somewhere it
hides a well
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
4/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
Emotions are an internalcommunication that something
needs your attention, someneed has gone unmet.
SaintLuke Institute
Emotions
Neither good nor bad
All have a positive intention
Managing them does not mean
controlling them
Meant to help us understand
something
SaintLuke Institute
You must remember that youare the only one who
determines your emotional and
behavioral reaction; thus, thechoice in how you feel and how
you react is yours alone!
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
5/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
SaintLuke Institute
Emotionally, we become
what we eat!
SaintLuke Institute
Feelings are like waves, wecant stop them from coming
but we can choose which one to
surf.
Johatan Martensson
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
6/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
Emotional Literacy
Only 36% of people can accuratelyidentify their feelings as they happen.
When we cannot correctly name whatwe are feeling, we are unable toidentify the needs and thoughts linkedto those feelings in order to changeour emotional state.
SaintLuke Institute
Our Amazing Brain
?"%93 ,%1 3#"01- ,) , %,)1 "@ ABCDBB #1%
8&-/)1E
F("/'()3 ,%1 #%"513319 GCH 4813 @,3)1% )(,-
3#115(E
78"4"-3 ,%1 #%"513319 IBJBBB 4813 @,3)1%
)(,- )("/'()3E
?1 %13#"-9 18"4"-,;;$ >1@"%1 &5 3$3)18 L18"4"-,; >%,&-M
N1"C5"%)1O L%,4"-,; >%,&-M
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
7/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
Amygdala
Adrenaline
Fight / Flight / Freeze response
SaintLuke Institute
When the amygdala is onhigh alert, it is impossible
to reason.
SaintLuke Institute
While the quick response of theemotional brain is to our
advantage under threat, it is not
in our best interests in everydaylife when emotions solely run
the show.
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
8/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
EQ skills help us create abalance between the emotional
and rational brain so as toensure that our thinking is not
dominated exclusively byemotions.
SaintLuke Institute
Practice Becomes Habit
The more we repeatedly practice EQstrategies, the more the neurons inthe brain build a connecting pathwaybetween both the emotional and therational brains - a process calledneurogenesis. With repeated practice,these behaviors become habits.
It takes 42 days for a new habit tobecome established.
SaintLuke Institute
8 glasses of water
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
9/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
EQ skills teach us how to lessenthe intensity of emotions so
that we can have better accessto the logical brain in order tochoose how to respond in any
given situation.
SaintLuke Institute
Balancing Thoughts & Feelings
Think of six names of people you havespoken to recently
Add the numbers on the car numberplate in front of you
Snap a rubber band worn on your wrist
Lift your eyes up to look straight ahead
Run through the alphabet backwards inyour head
Oxygenized breathing
?,%-&-'P
+/3),&-19 1O#"3/%1 )" 3)%"-' -1',4Q1
18"4"-3 %13/;4-' @%"8 %1#1,)191-5"/-)1%3
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
10/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
+)%133 R13#"-31 S )(1 T%,&-
Minimal stress (4-7 days)compromises functioning of hippocampus
Moderate stress (1-3 weeks)
reversible damage to neural dendrites
Prolonged stress (1+ month)
permanently destroys neurons
SaintLuke Institute
+/55133@/;;$ -,Q&',4-' ,%'/81-)3
(,3 8"%1 )" 9"
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
11/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
N1',4Q1 )(&-0&-' #1"#;1 ,-9
5"8#;,&-1%3 "V1- #/;; ")(1%3 &-)" ,
-1',4Q1 18"4"-,; 3#&%,; )(,) @,&;3 )"
@"5/3 "- 3";/4"-3E
SaintLuke Institute
WNX7R
SaintLuke Institute
Anger is an acid that can domore harm to the vessel inwhich it is stored than to
anything on which it is poured.
Mark Twain
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
12/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
If you are angry with someoneelse, you allow them to live rent-
free in your mind.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
SaintLuke Institute
F(1 6%3) )(&-' $"/ 3,$
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
13/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
FZ7 T[..\
SaintLuke Institute
Behind the Mask
Bullies are the way they are because other people letthem get away with it
Their behavior is ultimately self-defeating
Greatest fear becomes their reality: they end up aloneand with nothing
Suffer a poor self-image
Easily threatened and frightened of not making animpression on others
Assume that no one will ever like them; if someone doesgive them the respect they desire, they often dont knowwhat to do with it
SaintLuke Institute
!"88/-&5,4"-
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
14/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
F" 3)"# )(1 5$5;1 "@ &-,##%"#%&,)1
>1(,Q&"%J
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
15/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
Give yourself permission
to fail and be patient.
SaintLuke Institute
Talking to Difficult People
1. Im not sure what you mean?
2.
I really do want to hear you, but your shouting ismaking that difficult.
3. Avoid saying you always
4. OK, you say you dont like it when
5.
When you say [always/never/ever], is that actually true?
6.
Have you any thoughts about how you might resolvethis issue?
7.
What would a fair outcome look like to you?
8.
Can you do that?
SaintLuke Institute
Taking Care of Yourself
Know your hot buttons
Good fences make good neighbors
Remind yourself that your self-worthcomes from within
Ruminating about a difficult person givesthem power
Avoid internalizing the negativity ofothers
Lean on trusted others for perspective
7/26/2019 EmotionaI Intelligence Handout Two - SAint Luke
16/16
!"#$%&'() +,&-) ./01 2-34)/)1
SaintLuke Institute
Be kind, for everyone you meetis fighting a hard battle.
Plato
SaintLuke Institute
QUESTIONS
SaintLuke Institute
Contact Us
Rev. Hugh Lagan, SMA, Psy.D.
hughl@sli.org
Beth Davis, Director of Education
sliconnect@sli.org
Recommended