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RMU's literary magazine, egg, has completed its 11th volume, "Shipping Out: Stories from Students who Served."
Citation preview
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Title
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Editorial Board
Student Editors:Daniel LynchNick Rubino
Student Designers:Kevin GrossKristina MakiEvalyn Armellino
Faculty Advisors & Editors:James BaltrumJohn FlahertyMichael McMahonPaul GaszakAgnieszka Rowsey
egg | “Shipping Out”Robert Morris University Arts & Literary Magazine
(volume 11 - Fall 2011)robertmorris.edu/publications/egg
twitter.com/rmueggFacebook: search “RMU egg”
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Editorial Note IthasbeenaterrificpleasuretooverseethecompletionoftheeleventhvolumeofRMU’sartsandliterarymagazine,egg.Thoughthissentimentwouldundoubtedlybetruewhileworkingonanyofthepreviousvolumes,beinginvolvedinthecreationofthisvolumehasbeenuniquelyrewardingduetothefactunlikeitstenpredecessors“ShippingOut”isthefirstvolumeofeggdedicatedtoaparticulartopicortheme.
TheselectedcoverartforthisvolumeofRMU’seggiswhatisoftenreferredtoasthemilitaryserviceflagorservicebanner.ThebluestarserviceflaghasbeenhistoricallydisplayedinthedoorwaysandwindowsofAmericanhouseholdsinwhichamemberofthefamilywasservingonactivedutyduringwartime.Ifthefamilyhadtwomembersserving,thentheflagdisplayedtwostars,andsoon.ThischoiceofcoverartseemedmorethanappropriategiventhefactthatthisparticularissueofeggisdedicatedtogivingaforumtothoseRMUstudentswhohaveservedorarecurrentlyservingintheUnitedStatesmilitary–apopulationoflearnerswhoweareproudtohaveamongstusintheRobertMorriscommunity.
Sinceitsinceptionin2000,RMU’segghasalwaystriedtoputondisplaytherichculturallandscapethatmakesuptheRobertMorrisenvironmentbycollectingexpressivepoems,prose,artwork,andphotographscreatedbyourstudents,faculty,andstaff.Aswitheachofthepreviousvolumesofegg,theeditorialboardfor“ShippingOut”hopesthatthisvolumedemonstratesjusthowcomplexandmulti-facetedthelivesandexperiencesofthosearounduscantrulybe.Thankyouandhappyreading!
Sincerely,
JamesBaltrum EnglishFaculty
CollegeofLiberalArts
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A special thank you to...
MichaelViolltPresident of Robert Morris University
MableneKruegerProvost
PaulaDiazDean of the College of Liberal Arts
…and those who have served or are servingin the United States armed forces.
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Writings
“War is Hell” by Russ Meredith
“My Winter Wonderland” by Nick Rubino
“Voices of the Deployed” by Ashley Shields
“October 31st, 2008” by Anonymous
“Happiness” by Brian P. Gilbertson
“Sick Call” By Nick Rubino
“The Chamber” by Sergio Alviso
“Crossing into the Blue” by Zakiyyah Woods
“The Gateway” by Laura Reich
PG. 10
PG. 14
PG. 17
PG. 21
PG. 23
PG. 29
PG. 34
PG. 36
PG. 42
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Photographs
Nick Rubino David Lapello Russ Meredith
PGs 15, 20, 28, 47PGs 16, 33, 41
PG 22
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ThefollowingisaquotefromGeneralWilliamTecumsehSherman.“YoucannotqualifywarinharshertermsthanIwill.Wariscruelty,andyoucannotrefineit;andthosewhobroughtwarintoourcountrydeserveallthecursesandmaledictionsapeoplecanpourout.IknowIhadnohandinmakingthiswar,andIknowIwillmakemoresacrificesto-daythananyofyoutosecurepeace.”Warhasbeenapartofthiscountry’srichhistorysinceitsinception.Manymenandwomenhaveexperiencedwarandthecalamitythataccompaniesit,includinguptopayingtheultimatesacrifice.TheseUnitedStateswereborninthebosomofwar.OnNovember11thofeachyear,wepayhomagetothosewhohavegallantlybravedtheharshnessofbattleandwholivetotelltheirstories.Thisisoneofthem. MyFatherwasaveteranofWorldWarII,aNavyveterantobeexact.Growingup,Iwould,uponoccasion,dreamoffollowinginmyfather’sfootsteps.Idreamedofsailingtheworld’soceansandvisitingforeignportsand,ofcourse,eatingexoticfoods.ThatdreambecamearealityonFebruary11,2003. IhadanticipatedsuchachangebecauseatarecentNavyReserveunitmeeting,IwasaskedifIwasinterestedinbeingdeployed.Iearnestlyansweredintheaffirmative.Onceagainmycountrywasaskingformyservice.Myheartracedinmychestandmypalmsweresweating.WhenIwastoldwhereIwouldbegoing,thehairsonthebackofmyneckstoodup.Mymouthbecameasdryasdust. IwasboundforCaliforniaforaweekandahalffortrainingandtomakesureI’mphysically,andmentally,fittoendurethemission.FollowingCaliforniaIwouldbeheadingtoKuwaitinsupportofOperationIraqiFreedom.Theofficialorderscalledforserviceforuptoayear.Iwasready.
“War is Hell”Russ Meredith
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Author Thetimecameforustoboardthisbehemothofanairplane.Withgearinhandanddufflebagintow,Iswallowedthelumpthathadlodgeditselfinmythroat.MyeyesscannedtheplanefromnosetotailforthiswasthefirsttimeIhadeverboardedaplanefromtheground.Iwasamazedbyitssheersize.Wegotsettledinforthe17hourtriptoKuwaitwhichincludedaquickstopinGermanyforfuel.WefinallyarrivedinKuwaitaround2a.m.AsIlookedattheyoungfacesofthemenaroundme,Isawfear,andanticipation,butatthesametimeIsawbravery.Thesemenhavevolunteeredtobeinharm’sway.Everyonehadtheirgamefaceon. Onceourbootswereontheground,wewalkedtoastagingareaforfurtherinstructions.Almostinstantlymynosewasfilledwiththesmellofhotjetexhaust.Itwasintoxicating.Itaddedtotheairtemperaturewhichbymyrecollection,wasintheneighborhoodofabouteighty-fivedegrees.Tousjustarriving,itseemedverywarmsincethegearonourbacksweighedinaccessofseventypounds.Isaidtotheguynexttome,“We’renotinKansasanymore,Toto.”Weweretoldthatduringthedaywewillbeexposedtotemperaturesexceedingonehundredandfifteendegrees.Aftereachofuswasissuedatallbottleofhalfwarmwater,wewereoffonatwohourjourneythatseemedtotakeallnight.Atthispoint,bymyestimation,wehadbeenawakeforabout21hours.Itdidn’tseemtoaffectthosearoundmeasmuch.Understandablyso,fortheywereintheirtwenties,Iwasthirty-nine. Twoweekswentbywhileweenduredevenmoretraining.Livinginthedesertoffereditsownchallenges.Inadditiontotheextremeheatandallthephysicalproblemsitcanbring,wewerecautionedtobeevervigilantofwhatwasaroundus.Wewerecautionedaboutthingslikescorpions,snakes,andcamelspidersthesizeofyourhand.Everydaylifeherewasphysicallydraining.Inthemorning,weawokewithaverythinlayerofdustthathadfallenonourfaces,andadry,pastyfilminourmouths.Oureyeswereeversodifficulttoopen,evenslightly,
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duetothedustminglingwiththe“crust”thatusuallyformsinthecorners.Allwehadtocleanupwithwasbabywipesandthewarmbottleofwaterwewereissuedeachmorning.Therewerenocoffeeshops,nofast-foodjoints,andnoparkbenchestositdownonforarest.Wewereinawarzone,andhadyettotakeourfirstshower. Afewdayslater,whilestillinKuwait,weweretoldthe“airwar”wasunderway.Baghdadwasbeinghitwithfivehundredpoundbombs.Thatnightwecouldhearthebombsbeingdropped.Icouldn’thelpbutthinkaboutthedeathanddestructionthatwouldbetheresult.ScenesofdestructionIhadseenontelevisioncametomind.Ifeltlikevomiting. ThecallcameintostartouradvanceintoIraq,alongwithafullcomplementofMarines.ToreachtheKuwait/Iraqborderwehadtotravelsomefivehoursbytruck,humvee,orjeepinswelteringheatthatseemedtodrainalllifefromyou.Everythingyoutouchedfelthotenoughtofryaneggon.ThiswasMarch,andsummerinIraqwasstilltocome. DuringthelongtrektoBaghdad,weencounteredmanyIraqinationals.SomewavedaUSflagandsomewavedbannersthatsaid,“WelcomeUSA,”whileotherssaid,“GoHome.”Asasoldierorsailoryoudon’thavetimetothinkwhetherornotyou’reherebecauseofpolitics.AllyouknowisthatSaddamHusseinistobetakenoutofpower,andthatwearetaskedwiththatmission.Marinesledthefight.Afterall,IwasaNavySeabee,aconstructiontype.Idefend,whilemarinesgoandlookforafight.Youngliveswerelostthatday,andtheywillhopefullyneverbeforgotten.Imaynothaveknowntheirnames,butIknewtheirfamilieswereabouttoreceivetheworsekindofnews.Tothisday,Irememberseeingthecharredremainsofbodieswhosevehicleswerehitbybombsandthesmellofdecayingflesh.IhavesomeveryvividmemoriesofmytimespentinIraq.Someareworthmentioning.Somearenot. Irememberitwas34daysbeforewehadthechancetoactuallytakeashower.Thetemperaturebeingwhatitwas,
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probablyaround100degrees,allofuswereassweatycomingoutasweweregoingin.Weputonthesameuniformafterwardsbecausewehadnowayofwashingthem.Eventuallyweweregiven5-gallonbucketstowashouruniformsthatwehadwornforthelast5days.Wesleptin2-mantents,usuallyusingouruniformtopsaspillows. Thesearesomeofthe“notsobad”memoriesIhave.ThemoregraphicmemoriesfrommydaysinIraqarethescreamsofpainfromthosewhohadbeenshot.Youngmenscreamingforamedic,pleading,“Pleasedon’tletmedie,”yetotherswerescreamingforammunition.Byday’send,fivemarineshadlosttheirlives,andtwentywereinjured.WhenIfinallylaidmyheaddown,Ireflectedonwhathappenedthatday:mostofalltheanguish-filledfacesIsaw.TothisdayIstilldo.Manyunfortunateveteransofthiswar,aswellaspastconflicts,stillhaveveryvividmemoriesoftheirexperiences.Manycamehomenotbeingabletocopewithfamily,friendsandtheworldaroundthem.Theydon’tcomehomeaskingformedalsorforrecognition.Theyonlywantpeaceandforalltheirfriendstocomehome.
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“My Winter Wonderland”Nick Rubino
Christmasisawonderfultimeofyear.You’llspendtimewiththepartofthefamilyyouthinkisweirdbutsmileandtalktothemanyway.AngryhusbandswillbeoutsidehangingChristmaslightsinthecold.Kidswillbegettingdraggedthroughthemallwhilethey’recrying.Myexperienceisdifferentthough.Ididn’tspenditinaplacewithsnowontheground,abigChristmastree,orevenwithmyfamily. IspentChristmasof2005inIraqwithmyunit.Itwasabouteightydegreesoutside.Notashotasyouwouldthink,butcomparedtoChicago,itwasparadise.Ididn’thaveahorrible-lookingsweateron.Instead,Iwasinuniform.ChristmasEvewasprettymuchthesameasanyotherday.Itwaslonelyandboringbeingawayfrommyfamily.I’mnotahugefamily-typeperson,butthistimeitreallysetin.Iwasthousandsofmilesawayfrommyfamily,andIhadtoadmitit,Iactuallymissedthem.Itmaysoundcrazytoadmitmissingthechaosofone’sfamily.Everyone’sfamilydrivesthemnuts;mineisnodifferent:momanddadfightingthewholetimetheyaregettingready,me,mydad,andmysisterwaitingonthecouchformymomtogetready,goingovertomyaunt’stoseemyuncleignoretherestofthefamilythatisfemalegendered.IwishIwasmakingthisup!Let’snotforgetmycrazygrandmothergivingmeandmysistera$20giftandmycousinsacouplehundreddollarsworthofpresents.Again,I’mcrazytomissit,butIdid. Iwasn’ttheonlyonemissingmyfamily.Manyofushadtobondtogetherandbethereforeachother.I’llquotemyselfonthisone:“TheArmy:Forcingpeopletobefriendsforyears.”AlotofthepeopleIservedwithweren’tthetypeofpeopleyouorIwouldnormallyhangoutwith.Thatdidn’tmatter.White,black,green,blue,yellow.Itdidn’tmatter.Wewereallinittogether.It’sfascinatinghowpeoplebondtogetherinsuchsituations.
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ThemorningofChristmasIrememberwakingupinadarktent.Westayedinthesehuge“carnival”styletents.Theysleptabout200,soalotofnoisedidn’treallywakeyouup.Idid,however,hearalotofshufflingduringthemorningofChristmas.WasitSanta,whoknows?WhenIwokeinthemorningIsawthatmybosseshadsetupatinylittleChristmastreeandthenhungglowsticksfromittolooklikethecheaplittlelightspeoplehangupontheirtreesbackhome.Thethoughtwascute,andIsupposeitdidthetrick.Theyevenhadpresentswrappedandputunderthetreeforus.Itwasn’tmuchbutacrappyT-shirttoremindmeofthehellholeIwaslivingin.Itdidn’tmatterthough.Whenpeoplesay,“It’sthethoughtthatcounts”—well,thistimeitwas. DidthismeanthatspendingmyChristmasawayfromhomewasawesome?No.Asamatteroffact,thismayhaveruinedChristmasformesub-consciously.ListeningtoChristmasmusicanddecoratingmyhousewithcrazydecorationsjustdoesn’tdoitforme.AmIruined?Idon’tknow.HowcouldthisoneeventinhistoryruinChristmasformeforever?Idon’tknowthateither.Tomethatshowsmorecharacterthantheparentsatthemallforcingtheirchildtotakesomepictureonsomeolddrunk’slap.
Photo by Nick Rubino
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Photo by David Lapello
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Author“Voices of the Deployed”
Ashley Shields
Weallknowsomeonewhohasservedinthemilitary,buthaveyoueveraskedthemfortheirstory?IhadtheprivilegeofaskingfoursoldiersabouttheirtimeintheU.SMilitary.Threeofthesoldiersarefellowstudentsandtheotherisafriend’solderbrother.Youmayfindthatsomehaveseenmorethanmost.Theirstoryisthesame—theyservedandtheyfought. AlanQuiggleisfrommyhometownWorth,IL.HeservedintheArmybetweentheyears1998to2001.HisbasictrainingtookplaceatFortHillinOklahoma.AfterhefinishedbasictraininghewenttoATIwherehewastrainedasa14TangoPatriotStationEnhancedOperator/Maintenance.BythetimehewasfinishedhewasdeployedtoSaudiArabiaatthePrinceSultanAirbase.Hewassentthereforrotation,whichlastedsixmonths.Hetoldmethatthehardestpartofbeingoverseas,forhim,wasbeingawayfromhisfamily.AlanalsohadalotofhelpfromoneofhiscomradesSpecialistStinson,becausehewasinrotationwithAlan.“IthelpedbeingwithpeopleIknew,”Alanstated.Hedidn’tseemuchofcombat,butitwasstillalearningexperienceforhim. NextwasBruceHoover,whoisoneofthemanystudentshereatRobertMorrisUniversitywhohasservedinthemilitary.HewentintotheNavybetweentheyears2004to2009.Hetraveledallover,fromGermanytoIsrael.HereceivedhistrainingatGreatLakesNavalBaseinIllinois.ThenhewenttoNorfolkNavalbasewherehewasdeployedontotheUSSAnzioCG68,whichisaGuidedMissileCruiser,asanInformationSystemTechnician.Brucestated“I’mproudofthetimeIserved,andIhavelotsofrespectfortheonesstillthere.”
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JustliketheothersthatyouhavereadaboutJoeLyonwasintheNationalGuard.Hewasintheserviceforsevenyearsfrom2002to2009.HisfirstbasewasatTheNationalGuardinCrestwoodIllinois.FromtherehewenttoFortHood,Texas.HewasaSmallArmsRepairman.HehastraveledalloverthestatesandhasbeeninKuwaitandAfghanistan.Hesawsomecombat. Becomingasoliderisataskallinitsown.Whenyoubecomesousedtohavingtoprotectnotonlyyourself,butothermenandwomenyoufightalongsidewith,thengetthrownbackintocivilianlife,andhavetorelearnhowtobeacivilianagain,cantakealotofeffort.ShaneNirider,muchlikemanyothers,hasgonethroughthischange.HewasaMarine.Hisjourney,likemanyothers,hashimgoingtoCampLejuneinNorthCarolina.FromtherehewasdeployedontotheshipUSSOakHillforahumanitarianmission,MEU,whichmeansMarineExpeditionaryUnit,tobringsuppliesandmedicalequipment.Hisunitwantedtobuildasmallhospitalandschoolsaswellashouses,butthatmissionwascutshortduetoRPG,RocketPropelledGrenade,firecausingtheshiptoturnback.HisseconddeploymentwastoIraq.HeflewfromCherryPointtoaMarineCorp.AirbaseinNewYork,thentoGermany,toKuwait,andfinallytoIraq.ThereheactedasmilitarypatrolinRamadi.Hehasbeenonmanydifferentpatrols’andconvoys.HehelpedguardadetentioncenterwhileothermembersofhisunitwereinAliased. Shane’svoicebecameverysomberanditseemedasifhewasstaringintoadistantmemory,asifhewasrelivingthepast,ashesaid,“Whilewewerethereinthosecities,Isawalotofmybrothersdie.Twooftheminmyownarms.”Hebreatheddeeply.
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ShanewasinIraqforonlysevenmonths.InthattimehewaslenttoaForceReconUnitasasniperbecauseofhishighmarksmanship.Healsorevealedthatwhilehewasthere,hehadalotoftimetothinkandinthosetimeshethoughtabouthumanmortality—andthatscaredhim.“Youmayhearmejokeaboutthesethingsifyoupassmeinthehallways,butit’sadefensemechanismthatweweretaughttomakelightofmemories,soitdoesn’tweighheavyonourminds.Becausewedoalotofthingsthatweshouldn’thavetodotootherpeople.Thingsourmindscan’tcomprehend.Becauseit’shardtocopewhenyoulookintoaman’seyesashedies.Knowingthatitwasyouwhokilledhim.Seeingthefearandyoucanalmostseethethoughtsabouteverythinghe’sdoneinhispast.Thenyourememberthatthemanyoujustkilled,killedsomeoneelse’smother,brother,sister,son,father,daughter,wife,orhusbandandthatisthebeginningofcoping.Becauseyouknowyoujuststoppedhimfromhurtingsomeoneelse’sfamily.Unfortunately,yourealizeyoujustruinedsomeoneelse’sfamilybykillingthisman,andtheguiltisoverwhelming.Itneverleavesyou.Itissomethingthatwillhauntmeforever.” Likemanyothers,Shanehasgonethroughandhasseenalot.Tonightasyoukickbackonyourcouch,readytowatchyourfavoriteshow,rememberonething.Manygoodpeople,likeAlan,Bruce,JoeandShane,gothroughalivinghell;theyseeanddothingsthatpeoplearenotsupposedtodotoothers.Theydothistokeepalive,whatmanyofustakeforgranted,-Freedom.
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Photo by Nick Rubino
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Ilaidonthesideoftheroadinagonizingpain,myskinstretched-theblackandbluestains.
Imadeadesperateshotformycar,onemileaway.Tearsandangerstainedtheentireway.
Iwasscaredofwhatpeoplewouldsay.Ikeptitasecret-foraboutaday.
StaggeringintotheER,thedoctorhadturnedmeaway.I’llneverforgivehim,nottothisday.
HesaidIwasfaking,buttheinjurydidn’tlie-
Amonthlatertheysaid,“You’llneverbeabletorunagain”,thisisitfortheArmy-Thisistheend.
Notlongafter,theyhandedmeafoldedflagandshookmyhand.
Butthepaininmyfootstillhauntsme,tauntsmeandremindsmeofthatday,whenbeingaSoldierwastakenaway.
“October 31st,2008”
Anonymous
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Photo by Russ Meredith
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Author“Happiness”
Brian P. Gilbertson
Ifighteverydaytokeepmyfeelingsandemotionincheck.IgetaskedquestionsandItrulyfeellikeIneedtojumpthroughthehoopstosatisfytheonesaroundme.ThisisanhonestnoshitpaperofhowIfeelaboutreadingliteratureandhowI’mfeelingfedupwiththequestionsIamasked.IfeelthatthereissomethingthatthatIammissing.IthinkitwaslostsomewhereinIraqandalthoughpeopleseemyface,theycannevertrulyknowwhatI’mhiding.Icansmileandplaythegame,butinsidethesepeoplearoundmearesodifferentfromme,andIfeellikesuchanoutsiderandoutofplace.Ilearnedsomethingthathelpedmefindsomehope,thatmaybetherereallyissomehappinessinhelpingothers. Ihavetosomewayexplainalittlebit.TobeginatwhereitfirststartedwouldprobablybethebestplacetostartbutIcan’tseeitthatway.Iseethepain,laughter,angerandfrustration.IseethemisunderstandingofpeopleIdidn’tknowandalongingforthemwantingtounderstandme. Myfirstnightoutsidethewire,Iwasready,orIthoughtIwasready.IrememberallthetrainingIreceivedthatbuiltuptothemomentthatmeanteverythingtome.Iwastheretoprotectmybuddies.Theyhadfamiliestogobackto,anditwouldbemyjobtoeliminateanythreatthatpresenteditself.Itbecamemorethanthatforme.Ifeltangerwhentheshootingstarted.IwassoenragedthattheHajisweretryingtokillmeandmybuddies.Howdarethey?Iwouldnotgivethemthesatisfactionoffear.Iwouldnotallowthemtoseemescared.Iwasbetterthanthem,bettertrained,andIrepresentedgenerationsthatcamebeforeme.IknownoteveryonefeltlikeIdid,butmyangerforthemkeptmefrombecominguselesswhentheshootingstarted.Isawithappentootherguys,anditangeredme,butIhadtorememberthatnoteveryonefeltlikeIdid.
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Irememberthesmellofburntshellcasingsfreshlyejectedfrommy50cal,thesweatdroppingandsoakingintomybodyarmor,thedirtcoveringmyfaceandmixinginwithmysweat.Ihadtoreadjustmynightvisioneverysooftentokeepthingsinfocus.Theconstantbouncingonthehardroadsmovedthingsaroundalot.TheadrenalinerushingthroughmyveinswiththesatisfactionofseeingmyroundstearthroughabuildingwhereIsawmuzzleflashescomingfrom.IfeltmoreforthedogsonthestreetsthenIdidfortheHajisthatwereshootingatme.Iremembertellingmydrivertoswerveoutofthewayforadogthatwanderedintothestreet,but10minuteslatertellinghimtoramavehiclethatcametooclosetoourconvoy. Thechowhallsarewheretherealfunwasat.Ilovedthefood,IatebetterinIraqthenIdidbackhome.ThatwasonethingIcouldreallylookforwardto:walkingintothechowhall,washingmyhands,andthenstandinginalongbutveryfastmovinglinetogetsomegoodfood.EverySundaywasallyoucaneatKingCrabLegsandlobster,steakandA-1sauce,friedchickenfingersnearlythefullsizeofachickenbreast,BaskinRobbinsicecream,cheeseburgers,eggrolls,fries,breakfastburritos,eggsandbacon,sausageandpotatoes,Gatorade,RedBull,andeverythingelseyoucouldimagine. Downtimeonthebasewasspenteitheratthegym,whichwassobigandniceitrivaledexpensivegymsyouwouldpayforinthestates,orwritingemailsbackhomefrommyhooch.Wehadinternet,andwhenwewereusingit,wewouldhookupallourXbox’sfromonehoochtoanotherusingtheEthernetwires.WewouldthenspendhoursonendplayingHalo-abunchofguysfightingawar,playingavideogameaboutfightingawar.ItmakesmelaugheverytimeIthinkaboutit.ThentherewasBell,Lamott,Karlan,Edwards,OrtizandSki.Thoseweremybrothers.Iwouldfightabearforanyoneofthem,andtheywoulddothesameforme.ImissthemsomuchandneverhaveIlovedsogreatlyandfeltsomuchformenIconsideredtobecloserthenfamily.ThereisnowayIcanexplainorevenbegintousewordsthatwoulddojusticetohowmuchItrulyfeltforthem.EvennowIfeelpainwritingaboutthem.
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Beinghomenow,peopledon’tunderstandme.It’sharddealingwithbigcrowds,feelinglikeIhavetolookovermyshouldereverywhereIgo.Ifeelnakedandunprotected.IfeellikeI’moutsidethewirewithnoprotectionoraircover,notevenaradiotocallaBlackhawkforapickup.EverydaywhenIgotosleep,Ifeelunprotected.Iwanttosleepwithaweapon,likeIdidwhenIwasoverthere,butifIdid,Iwouldbethoughtofascrazy.Iamnotcrazy.Ijustseethingsdifferentlynow.Iremembertry-ingtogetLisatoagreetojustatleastletmesleepwithmyK-Baratmybedside,Ioriginallywanteditundermypillow.Shefreakedoutandcalledme“Lt.Dan”referringtothecharacterin“ForrestGump”whogetswoundedandbecomesawanderingalcoholicwarvet.Ithurtsobadwhenshecalledmethat.Shecouldneverknow,shelivesinherlittlebubble.Idon’twanthertoknow,butIdon’twantherthinkingI’mcrazyeither.Wegotintoafighttheotherday,andshesaidthatIusebeingaveteranasacrutch,andmebeingcrazyasacrutchforwhenIgetangry.Shewatched“StopLoss”withmeandcouldn’tunderstandwhyIstartedcryingwhenIsawtheothersoldiersinthehospitalwhowerewoundedincombat.IthurtsbecauseIcaresomuchabouther.IbitemytongueandputitallbackinsidethatboxIdon’topen.Peopleask,butI’mafraidtoopentheboxinfrontofthem.Iknowwhattheywillthinkandfeel.Inaword,theywillthinkdifferentlyofme. Methecrazyone?Yeahright.Iask,willmyangerend?ItseemslikeIgetsopushedsoquicklynow.Myprofessorsaskmequestionslike“Whyismanagerialaccountingsoimportant?”or“Whatisthedifferencebetweenexternalandinternalanalysis?”or“whyisliteratureimportant”.Ifighttofindthemotivationthatkeepsmefrombeingfedup.Ijustanswerthequestion.Iguesshere,nobodyistryingtoblowupmyHumvee,Istillthinkthough,iftheydid,IwouldnotstopfightinguntilIeliminatedthem.Sogoahead,tryandhitmyHumvee,tryandshootatmybuddies. Ifyoufightagainstme,Iwillendyou.Iwillnotdieformycountry;Iwillmakeyoudieforyourcause,andthenIwillmakeyourfriendswhosupportyouthinktwiceabouttryingtoprovokethislion.Ifyouhitmeintheback,andyouwillseethelion’steeth.
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IknowthatIhadtodosomethingdifferentfromwhateveryoneelsedidwhentheycamebackhome.IfeltsonumbtoeverythingIlikedbefore.Itnolongerhadthesamemeaning.Snowboardingwasnowjustsomethingboring-likewatchinggrassgroworsomethingstupidlikethat.IfIdidn’tstartdoingsomethingthatwasgoingtokeepmeontrackandpushme,thenIknewIwouldfallintothecracksandgetlostsomewhere.AllthetimeIwasremindedofwhatreallymademefeelalive.ItwasthefeelingwhenIputonmybodyarmor,loadedmyweapon,turnedonmynightvisionandstartedhunting.Theywereoutthere,andIwouldfindthem. Thenithappened,“Tango219takingfire!” “ThisisGhostrider121,weareenroutetoyourlocation,Iseethefire,standclearI’mopeningup!”Smokerosefromthetruckthatwasjusthitwithanrpg,jackknifedandnearlytippedover.IcouldseewheretheHajiswereshootingfrom.Therewere3ofthemtryingtogetinsidethetrucktocapturetheoccupants.Ragefilledme.Iwantedthemawayfrommybuddies.Iwantedthemtogoaway,buttheywerealreadythere,andIwouldmakesuretheyneverhadanotherchancetodothistoanyoneelse.Iswiveledmyturretanddepressedmybutterflytriggeronthe50.IaimedattheHajisbehindthemudandbrickwallfirstandcompletelyceasedtheirfire.Mybulletstorethroughthewallsliketheyweretissuepaper.Theothersnearthetruckturnedaroundtoseetheirfriendslayinginamangledmess,tryingtocrawlaway.Ithenturnedmyweapononthemandwatchedasmyroundsrippedthroughtheirbodies.Iremembertheirbodieslookinglikerippedcrimsonragsofclothbeingtornin15differentdirections.Oneofthemwasstillalivewhenwerolledup.Hislowerbodywasdetachedfromhimandhisintestineswerehangingoutashecrawledawayfromthem.TheTCgotoutandgotthetwotruckoccupantsinourhumvee.Iputdownfireonthebuildingclosesttousontheothersideofthebrickandmudwall.Thereweretwomenontheothersideofthewalltryingtocrawlaway..Iamnotapersontoputsomeonethroughmorepainthanisneeded.Iwouldhavesentamedicforthem,butasaconvoy,wecouldnotstop.Wepulledoutandcontinuedtoputfiredownonthebuilding,
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noticingthesmellofgunpowder,thesmellofblood.Thatimageisforeverburnedintomymind. Mynumbnessbegins,andIonlycareaboutmybuddiesnow.Whatisthemission?Iknowwhatthemissionis,tofuckinghuntoutsidethewireandseeifsomeoneisstupidenoughtopickafightwithus.I’veneverdonedrugsoranysort.I’veonlydrankonspecialoccasions.Ihaveneverhadanaddictivepersonality,untilnow.Theadrenaline,smellsandtheanger,soaddicting. SohereIamnowatschooltryingtokeepasmileonmyfacesoIcanfitbackintoregularsocietywhiletryingnottopissoffthewrongpeople.Timeandtimeagain,Istruggletofindtheimportance.Yeah,ok,it’sgoingtomakemearicherperson,moreversedwithlifeandculture.Iwillbeabletounderstandbetterhownottorepeathistoryandfindthemysteriesorlifelockedawayinthewordsofsomemanygreatauthors.Yeah,sure.Ididfindsomethingthough…Helpothers,andIcanhelpfindthathappinessIlostalongtimeago.ThatiswhatIneedtodo.
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Photo by Nick Rubino
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AuthorNick Rubino
“Sick Call”
Soyouwakeupforworkatabout5:30am,andyoufeellikecrap.Youareexperiencingflu-likesymptomsandthinkyoushouldstayinbed.Ohyeah,that’sright.Youdon’tgetsickdaysintheArmy.Youdon’tgettocallyourbossandtellhimsorry,butyou’llbeintomorrow.So,let’sgothroughwhatwehavetodotogetthistakencareof… 1.Getinyourworkoutuniform,or“PTs”,anddriveto work.Don’tforgetyoursillyreflectivebeltthatyou’re goingtowearinthedaylight. 2.Driveyourselftoworkallsickandmiserable feeling.WhenyougettothegateforyourIDcheck, yousitinwhatseemslikeamilelonglineofcars.For somereasoneveryunitatFt.Braggdecidedtohave morningformationat0630.Thismeansyouarenot onlysickanddon’tfeellikedealingwiththetenminute longline,youalsomightbelateforformationandby late,Imeanyouaren’tthereat6:20.Anotherfunny thingisthatonMondaysyouhavetoleave20minutes early,butbyFriday,thereisnoline.Yougettothegate atthesametimeeverydaysowhereiseveryone?There isn’tanydayoff.It’slikeastheweekgoeson,less peoplecometowork.Idon’tgetit... 3.Yougettoyourunit,orplaceofworkbasically.It’s 6:28,andbynowyourphonehasbeenringingoffthe hookasyouarelookingforaplacetopark.Thepeople youworkwithhavebeentoldbyyourbosstocallyou andsee“wherethehell”youare.Fortherecord,you’re notlateyet.Asyoudriveby,everyoneisinformation sonowyouarereallynervous.Theonlyplacetopark isonagrassmedianwhichisillegal,buthey,yougotta dowhatyagottadotobeontime.Now,youdoafull deadsprinttoformationjustintimeforyourbosstodo rollcall.
Photo by Nick Rubino
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4.WhenyourgroupisreleasedtogodoPT(akarun4 miles),youfinallygettimetotellyourbossthatyou thinkyouhavetheflu.Hetellsyoutosuckitupand dealwithit.Youtrytoinsist,andaftermuchbadgering, youfinallytalkhimintolettingyougotosickcall.Sick callisbasicallythesameasgoingtothedoctor.Hetells youtogoupstairsandfilloutasickcallslip. 5.Sonowyouhaveasickcallslip,andyouhavetofillit out.Youcan’tdecidewhattowriteinthesymptoms category.Inthesymptomscategory,youwritedown, well,yoursymptoms.Soifyouhave,hmm,something likehemorrhoidsoritburnswhenyoupee,youhaveto writeitonthislittlepieceofpaperthatyourimmediate boss,yourhighestboss,andafewotherpeopleatthe clinicwillbelookingat. 6.Nowyouhavetogivethistoyourbosstohandtohis boss.Youcan’thandittohimyourself.Yougetalec tureabouthowyoushouldhavecomeinat6ifyou wantedtogotosickcall.Youthinktoyourself,yeah, Igotit.HealsocommentsonyourweightandyourPT scoreandthatyouneedtobedoingPTandnotgoingto sickcall.Mindyou,hewillbestayingathisdeskwhile weallgoworkout.Hedoesthateveryday. 7.Sowegobackoutside.At21yearsold,Ihavemylittle permissionslipsignedtogotoseethedoctor.Thehead boss,the1stSGT,comesoutandcallseveryonetogether tomakeanyannouncements,seewhoismissing,and thencallseveryonetothesidewhoisgoingtosickcall. 8.Sonow,we’realienatedofftotheside.We’rethelepers, outcastfromthegroup.Itfeelslikeeveryoneis whisperingaboutyoubeingashitbag.Idon’tknow ifit’ssomekindofwarriormentalityorwhat,butif youmisstheworkoutforoneday,theguyswillactlike you’renottoughlikethemorsomething.
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9.The1stSGTcomesaroundandlooksatyoursliptosee what’swrongwithyou.Thisclownhastopointout howhehasneverbeentosickcallinhis18yearsinthe Army.Blahblahblah.“Myassyouhaven’t,”Isayto myself.10.Afterthatordeal,I’mprettygrumpy.Ijustwanttogo homeandnotdealwiththis.Igettotheclinic,and thereisahugeline.Yeahourhealthcareisfree,butyou gettowaitforevertogetit.Ishouldhavegoneinearly.11.Igotothecheck-innursewhoseemslikeIam inconveniencingherbyaskinghertodoherjob. TypicallythesewomenarewivesofArmyguys.The highertherankoftheirhusband,thesnobbiertheyact. It’sliketheythinktheyholdtherankoftheirhusband. Icallthesewomenthegatekeepers.Theycanmakeor breakyourdayandyourappointmenttime.12.SonowIamin-processedattheclinic.Igettositand waitatthispoint.After15minutes,Ifinallygetcalled.13.Ihavetogetmybloodpressuretaken,myheight,my weight,andfilloutaquestionnaire.Thisisthesame processyouhavetogothrougheverysingletimeyougo totheclinic.Thequestionnaireisthebestpartofitall. Itasksifyoufeelalossofinterestinthings,ifyoufeel suicidal,ifyoufeeldepressed,etc.Onetimeforthehell ofitIdecidedtocheckalltheboxesyes.Muchtomy surprise,nothinghappened.Ididn’tevengetasked aboutit.14.SoI’mbackinthewaitingroomatthispoint—andI wait.Iwaitandwaitandwaitsomemore.Afterabout anhourandahalf,Ifinallygetcalled.15.Idon’tactuallygettoseeadoctor,IseeaPhysician’s Assistant,someonewhoisalmostadoctor,butisn’t. Theydon’thavetocarrymal-practiceinsurance,and theydon’tgetpaidbytheperson.Theygetpaidaflat ratebythegovernment,sotheycouldn’tcarelesshow fasttheyseepeopleorhowgoodofajobtheydo.
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16.ThePAisgoingtoaskyouacoupleofquestionsand kindofactlikeyouarefakingit.Igetthattheywould treatyoulikethisbecause,infact,alotofpeopledo fakeinjuriestogetoutofPTinthemorning.Ifyou goinforsomethinglikeacoldortheflu,theyaskyou thesamequestioneverytime,“haveyoubeensick forlongerthan10days.”Now,asaseasonedveteran ofgoingtosickcall,ofcourseIansweredyes.Ifyou don’t,you’llgethandedsomecoughsyrupandsenton ourway. 17.Atthispoint,Iliterallyhavetotellthe“doctor”what Iwant.It’ssadthatIknowtheexactnameofthe antibioticsthatIneedandthatIhavetopracticallybeg forthemwhenIgetsick. 18.Ifinallygetmyscripwritten.Atthispointittookme somethinglike4hourstogettothispoint.Allthatfor about10minutesofthisguy’stime. 19.IheadonovertothePharmacytowaitformy prescription.Igotoverthereatabout10:45.Iwaited arounduntilabout11:30,andthenallofthesudden theyshutallthegatesoverthewindows.Onanice littlesignIseesomethingthatsaysthereisalunch breakfrom11:30to12:30.Beautiful. 20.IguessI’llgoeatlunchandcomeback.Myboss calledandwantstoknowwheretheF@#KIam.Itell himeverythingthatIhavebeendealingwith,andhe justtellsmetohurryupandgetbacktowork.Heacts likethereissomethingsuper-importantgoingon.Icall mybuddy.They’rejustsittingaround. 21.Ifinallygetmyscripafterabout,what,6hourssinceI gottowork.Luckily,Italkedthedoctorintogiving me“quarters”(aka,gettogohome)for24hours.With somegoodacting,Igettogohomeandcrawlbackinto bedfortherestoftheday.
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21.Ifinallygetmyscripafterabout,what,6hourssinceI gottowork.Luckily,Italkedthedoctorintogiving me“quarters”(aka,gettogohome)for24hours.With somegoodacting,Igettogohomeandcrawlbackinto bedfortherestoftheday. 22.BeforeIgettodothatIhavetogobacktoworkto showmybossmypermissionslipsignedbythePA. He’snothappyaboutit,buthehastoletme.Icantell he’sjudgingme,butwhatever,I’malmostdonewith thiscrap. 23.13:30,homeatlast.
Photo by David Lapello
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Author“The Chamber”
Sergio Alviso
Onahotafternooninfrontofacinderblockroomwithnowindows,weweretoldthatthiswasthenextphaseintraining.Wehadtogothroughthegaschamber,andasourinstructorsconstantlyremindedus,itwasnotgoingtobefun.Wehadthisgearontopofourregularuniform,whichwassupposedtohelpincaseofabiologicalattack,butitalsomadeyoufeelextremelyhotespeciallywiththesunatfullforcethatday.Wehadtorunaroundinthisgearandhaveourgasmaskson.Breathingthroughagasmaskisalittlemoredifficultthanbreathingwithoutit,sincethefilterhastocleanallincomingair.Runningaroundinbigcircleswithyourbodycoveredinlayersofclothingandthesunatfullshinewasanicewaytospendtheafternoon. Coveredinsweat,wewerereadytoentertheroominsmallgroups.Thefirstgroupthatwentinsideremainedthereforalmosttenminutes.Whentheycameoutallofthemwerecoughingandhadtearsintheireyes.Everyothergrouphadsomeonethatcameoutthrowingup,butIdidn’tthinkmuchofit. Ourgroup’sturncameup,andweenteredtheroom.Someoneinsidewasplacinglittletabletsonacontainerthatemittedsmoke.Thepersoninchargetoldustostartdoingexerciseswithourmasksstillon.Ididn’tseethepoint,sincethemaskwasdoingagoodjobatblockingtheCSgas.ThenwhenmysweatgotincontactwiththegasIstartedtofeelaburningsensationonmyskin.Allexposedskinstarteditching,butIrefrainedfromscratchingbecauseIknewitwoulditchmore. Theytoldustoliftoffourmasksfromourfaces.Wedidthat,andIclosedmyeyesandheldmybreathforacoupleofsec-ondsuntilIheardthemsayitwasokaytoputourmasksbackon.Iquicklyputthemaskbackon,andatthesametimemyfacefeltlikeitwasburning.IwassurprisedIwasnotcoughingsoIdidnotunderstandhowtheothergroupsallcameoutinsuchabadshape.
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Thepersoninchargetoldusthatwecouldseehowmuchdifferencethemaskmade,andwecouldnothelpbutagree.Hethensaidwehadtotakeourmaskscompletelyoffandputthemontopofourheads.Ihadafeelingthattheworstwasabouttocome.Wetookourmasksoff,andIclosedmyeyesandheldmybreath.Iwasgoingtodothesamethingasbefore,butthistimeitwasalongertime.Istartedtohearpeoplecoughing.Iwasstillholdingmyairuntilalmosteveryonewascoughing.ThenImadethemis-takeofopeningmyeyestolookaround-bigmistake.AssoonasIopenedmyeyes,tearsstartedtostreamdownmyface.Thiswasnothingthough.Theworstwasabouttocome.Icouldn’tholdmybreathanylongerandthoughtthatasmallbreathofaircouldn’tdomuchharm.IletalltheairIwasholdingoutandinhaled.InstantlyIfeltsomethingstrange-theairfelthotandIstartedcoughing.Ihadtoinhalemoreofthisairwhich,ofcourse,resultedinmorecoughing. Afterwhatseemedtobeforever,weweretakenoutoftheroomandintotheopenairoutside.Iwascoughingandhadtearsinmyeyesjustlikeeverybodyelse.Fortunately,Ididn’tthrowuplikesomeoftheothers.Thistrainingwasdesignedtoimproveyourconfidenceinthegasmask,anditdiditsjob.ItriedtellingthemeveryyearthatIhadfullconfidenceinmymaskwhenitwastimefortheyearlygaschambertraining,butunfortunatelythatdidn’tgetmeoutoftherequiredtraining.
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Author“Crossing the Blue”
Zakiyyah Woods February17,2006,LacklandAFB,Texas—hundredsofexcitedfriendsandfamilyscream—camerasflashing,andcamcordersrecordingastheyobservedmarchingrobotstaketheirplace.Thesunwasshiningwhilewemarchdowntherockypavement,thesoundsofthreehundredoverlyexcitedtraineeswasallthatIcouldhear!Loudly--weyelltheAirForcecadence,(whicharesongswesingwhilemarchingorrunning),dressedinourformalblueuniformsunderourlongtrenchcoats,shinyblackshoes,ourchestpokedout,whilemarchingwithcoordinatedarmswing(leftfootforward,rightarmforward,rightfootforward,leftarmforward),whichforsomewasdifficulttodo“Withtwoleftfeet!”Heregoesnothing!“Everywherewegoooo,everywherewegoooo,peoplewannaknooow,peoplewannaknooow,whoooweaaarree,whoooweaaarree,soooowetellthem,soooowetellthem,we’renottheAarmmyyy--theground-poundingArmy,we’renottheNaavvyy--thedeck-swabbingNavy,we’renottheMarineCoorrppss--thejarheadMarineCorps,we’renottheCoastGuard--lazylazyCoastGuard,wearetheAirForce,wearetheAirForce--themightymightyAirForce,themightymightyAirForce.Sound-off(1-2),sound-off(3-4),1-2-3-4,(1-2,3-4)”.Atthatverymoment,Icouldfeelchillsandgoosebumpsflowdownmyslenderbody.Thefeelingofaccomplishment-withflashbacksofthemomentIarrivedtoLacklandAFB(asscaredasJerrywasofTomfromthecartoonTomandJerry!),thankingGodthatitwasfinally“OVER!” ZakiyyahWoods,an18year-oldyoungladyfromtheSouthsideofChicago,Illinois(acityfamousforamazingdeepdishpizzaandhotdogs)employeeatKFC,(KentuckyFriedChicken)andapartygirl.Shedecidedthatboxingupchicken,preparingmashedpotatoes,anddealingwithwhiningcustomerswasnother“CupofTea!”Althoughshewasyoung,shewasreadytoescapefromherparent’shometostartanewlifefarfaraway.
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ShefiguredenlistingintheUnitedStatesAirForcewouldbeagreatwaytodoso,noteventhedeepdishpizzafromGiordano’s,couldkeepherinChicago.Aftergruelingweeksofsigningpaperwork,medicalexams,briefings,physicaltraining(whichdidnothelpmeonebit),andswearingoaths,sheheadedtoLacklandAFB,Texaswithadozenothernewrecruits. Iwasluckytomeetgreatpeoplewhowerealsoexcitedaboutwhatwastocome.Whilewaitingattheairport,fourofusdecidedtogogrababigjuicyburger,alargefrenchfry,andalargechocolateshaketowashitalldown“Yummy”.Wewerenotsurewhenwewouldbeabletoeatdeliciousfoodlikethatagain(atleastthat’swhatmyrecruitertoldme).NextthingIknow,atalllankyguycamestompingthroughtheairportyelling,lookingforthefourofus(allwewantedwasastinkingburger),obviouslyhedidn’tgive“Aflyingfuck(excusemylanguage)!”That’swhenallthefunstarted! At04:45(militarytime),Reveille(asongyouwilllearntohate)soundsoffthroughoutLacklandAFB(AirForceBase),Texas.Thewords“Getupgetupgetup”wasallthatwasheardechoingthroughoutourenormousdormroomfromTechnicalSergeantHayes(militaryinstructor).IcouldhardlyrememberwhereIwas,butallIcoulddowasjumpupanxiouslyoutofmytwinsizebunkbed,andbrisklyruntomywalllocker,whichstoodtwofeetawayfromthefootofthebed.Nervousnessswamthroughoutmybody,notknowingwhattoexpectorevenhowtoreacttothissituation.Bynowit’sapproximately06:00a.m.,timeforthemostimportantmealoftheday,breakfast.LittledidIknow,clearlybreakfastwasnotthatimportanttothem,onlybecauseweneverhadmuchtimetoeat!MytechnicalinstructorTSgt.Hayes(TechnicalSergeant)alwayssaid“Giveusbreakfast,andwe’llgiveyoulunchanddinner!”Mealtimewasoftenchaotic.Soifyourinstructorsays“it’sanicesit-downtimetoeat”,heorsheisfullofit.But,thenagain,thereareexceptions,“forpeoplewhoaredying!”It’snow06:30a.m.,andit’sdormsetup,whichmeansclean-uptime(somuchfun).By09:00a.m.,everythingfromdrilling,classes,recordchecks,shots,anduniformissuearealltakingplace.Nowitis17:00(5:00p.m.)whichisusually
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dinnertime.Theamountoftimeyougettoeatdependsonhowfaralongyouareinbasictraining.Generally,thecloseryougettograduation,thelongeryouhavetoeat.19:00(7:00p.m.),setupthedormfornight-time,clean-updetails,shineyourboots,alignshoes,shinechromealongthefloor,androllclothesinourwalllockers.Sometimeswewereabletohavea“patiobreak”(snacks,andphonecalls),”iftheinstructorfeelsthatwehaveearnedit.By21:00,lightsout.You’llhearTaps(itindicateslightsout),whichmeansfinishwhateveritisyouweredoing“Andgetyourassinthebed”(IfitwasonethingIloved-itwasthatsong)
IntegrityFirstServicebeforeSelf
ExcellenceinAllWeDoEveryday,thousandsandthousandsofproudindividualsdevotethemselvestoprotectingfreedom,upholdingpeace,providingreliefandsupportingpolicyaroundtheglobe:Westcoast,Eastcoast,Europe,PersianGulf,andthePacific.FormanyyoungAmericans,thebenefitsofservingyourcountrycanbemagnificent:training,honor,education,travel,payandmostimportantly--self-discovery.Nevertheless,militaryserviceisdefinitelynotforeveryone!Itrequiresself-discipline,intensephysicalwork,timeawayfromfamilyandfriends,andteamworkwhileprotectingAmericaanditscitizensathomeandoverseas.Forsome,thesecommitmentsinflicttoogreataburden. February17,2006,MelvaWoods(mymother)states,“MytwokidsandIgotupearlythatmorning,excitedaboutmydaughterandhergraduationfromtheUnitedStatesAirForce.Ireallydidn’tknowwhattoexpect,ifshelookeddifferent,ormaybeevengainedorlostsomeweight.Around8:00a.m.,weweretoldtoattendamandatoryorientation,whichgaveallfam-ilyandfriendsthe“Run-down”ofwhatwastocomelateronthatday.Aftertheorientation,weheadedoutsidetolineupfortheAirman’srun(thisoccursbeforethegraduation).BythetimeIstartedtoseeagroupoftraineesrunning,Iwasalmostintears-tryingtoholdbackmyemotions!Istartedsmilingfromeartoear,andscreaming“GOZAKIYYAH,THAT’SMYDAUGHTER”,hopingsheheardme!Shelookedlikeshelostsomeweight,and
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alsogotalittletan.Theywereshoutingsongswhiletheywererunning,uniformed.Icouldfeeltheexcitementfromeveryone;itwasdefinitelyanamazingmoment.running,anditwassouniformed.Icouldfeeltheexcitementfromeveryone;itwasdefinitelyanamazingmoment. Aswemarchtowardsallofourfamilyandfriends,fistsclinchedtight-twoinchesawayfromourside,withperfectarmswing“WelookGOOD”.Therewerebleachersthatweresetupinan“L”shape.Theywerefull,offamilyandfriendsfromallovertheworld.Everyonewasalltheresupportingtheirsoontobe“AirmenintheUnitedStatesAirForce”.Idon’tknowifIwasmoreanxiousaboutseeingmyfamily,orfinallybeingDONEwithsevenweeksof“HELL”.Anyway,oneofthe“TechnicalInstructors”begantosingtheStar-SpangledBanner.EveryTechnicalInstructoryells“PresentArms”,allmilitarymembers,andtraineessharplysalute-whilefriendsandfamilystandupandplacetheirhandsovertheirhearts.Thisgesturetakesplacetopayrespecttotheflag.Atthatmoment,Ifeltveryproudtobecomeapartofthisremarkableteam!ItwasnolongeraboutallthehellIwentthroughthroughoutthosesevenweeks:notbeingabletotalktomyfamilyonaregularbasis,thelackofsleep,thetechnicalinstructorsyellinginmyface—tellingmetogetonmyface(push-uptime)!ForthefirsttimeIfeltthatIwasapartofsomethingbiggerthanmyself. TheGraduationbegins,“Left,left,left,right,left-left,left,left,right,left”,asIglanceoutthecornerofmyeye,Icouldseeandhearfamilyandfriendscrying,andtakingpictures,screamingtheirkids’name!Maybeforsome,itbroughtbackoldmemories.ThenoutofnowhereIhear,“ZAKIYYAH,ZAKIYYAH,WEARESOPROUDOFYOU!”Istartedtoreallyputonmy“A-game”,IbeganmarchinglikeIwasabouttowinaGRAMMY!Myheartwasbeatingfasterandfaster,Iwantedtolookperfectformyfamily.Mytechnicalinstructoryells-EYESRIGHT(quick45degreeheadturntoyourright)-stillmarchingonbeatrightnexttoandwiththepersontomyright.BeforeIknewit,thegraduationcametoanend,andwewereabletofinallyhugandkissourparentsandfriends.Mymomwasstillcrying!
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AlthoughIwassoveryhappytoseemymom,brother,andsister,itwassomewhatofasadmomentaswell.IhavegainedsomanygreatfriendsfromthetimeIarrivedtoLacklandAFBtothetimeIgraduated.Weallsharedabondthatnooneelsecouldeverfathom.Fromthefirstweekofin-processing,learningtoshutthehellup,workingasteamwitheverythingweweretoldtodo—toourhalf-waymark-whichwasWarriorWeek!LivinginatentinthemiddleofJanuarywithonlyasleepingbag,MRE’s(mealsreadytoeat-disgusting),acanteenfullofwater,helmet,simulatedM-16,andafieldjacketoverourcamouflageuniforms.Takeasecondandpicturehowharditwastoremoveallofthatcrapjusttoutilizethelatrine(bathroominmilitaryterms),andshoweringwasnotevenanoption!IthoughtIdiedandwentstraighttoHELL!Eventhoughithasbeenoverfouryearssincethatexperience,Istillremembereverythinglikeitwasjustyesterday.IfIcoulddoitalloveragain,Iwould-inaheartbeat!MaybeI’devenchangethedecisionImadetoseparatefromthemilitary.IamproudtohaveservedfouryearsintheUnitedStatesAirForce-itwasadefiningtimeinmylife;onethatIwillcherishuntilthedayIdie!
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Photo by David Lapello
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Author“The Gateway”
Laura Reich
LacklandAirForceBase,SanAntonio,Texas,June24,2010.Afterbeinggroundedfor3hoursatO’HareAirportbecauseoftornadowarningsandthentravelingover1,200milesviaairplanewithtwoyounggirlstoSanAntonioInternationalAirport,pickinguparentalvan,gettinglost,checkinginandgettingonehourofsleep,wefinallyarrivedatLacklandAirForceBase’smaingateat6:00AM.Whyarewehere?Toseemy(atthetime)19yearoldson,Michael,graduatefrombasictraining. Untilthisday,wehadnotseenhimforovertwomonths.Hisphonecallswereveryfewandfarbetween.Theyweretimed,andyoucouldhearthedrillsergeantinthebackgroundyellingacountdown.NomatterwhereIwaswhenIgotthem,Idroppedeverythingtohangontohiseveryword.Itwashardtohearthehomesicknessandnervousnessinhisvoicethefirstcoupleofcalls.ThehelplessnessIfeltashismother,notbeingabletocomforthiminpersonreallytestedmycomposure,sowhereverIwaswhenthosecallscamein,Ihadtosoundstrongforthebothofus.Therewewere,meandmytwodaughters:Samantha,15,andHayley,13,waitinginavehiclelinewiththerestofthefamiliesandfriendstopassthroughthesecuritygates.Itwaslikewaitingtogetintoheaven:youwereeithergettinginoryouweren’tifyoudidn’thavetheproperclearance.IwassowoundupthatmorningthatIcouldn’tfigureouthowtostartthemini-vanIhadrented.Ifinallyhadtoaskanotherhotelguesttohelpmeonlytofindoutthatyoudon’tusetheactualkeys,theyareforthetrunkanddoors! Weweresonervous,tiredandexcitedallatthesametime.Wheredowego,whatdowedo,howlonguntilwegettoseehim,willtheyletustalktohim,willwerecognizehim?AccordingtotheUSAFwebsite,“ThefirststopforallAirForce,AirNationalGuardandAirForceReserveenlistedpersonnelisbasicmilitarytrainingatLacklandAFB,Texas.The37thTrainingWing,
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LacklandAirForceBase,SanAntonio,Texas,isthelargesttrainingwingintheAirForce.The37thTRWprovidesbasicmilitary,professionalandtechnicalskills,andEnglishlanguagetrainingfortheAirForce,othermilitaryservices,governmentagencies,andourallies.Ashometothe37thTRW,LacklandAirForceBaseisalsoknownastheGatewaytotheAirForce.TheGateway,asitsnameimplies,meansthatenlistedpersonnelintheactiveAirForce,AirNationalGuardandAirForceReserveallbegintheircareersherebycompletingBasicMilitaryTraining.Inatypicalyear,between30,000and40,000newAirmencompletethisintense,8-1/2weektrainingcourse.”ThirtytofortythousandAirmenperyear?Ifyoutake8-1/2weeksoftraining,divideitby52weeksinayear,thenyouaveragein35,000Airmenwhoannuallygraduateanddividethatby6,youarelookingatabout5,800people.Thenyoufactorintheirfriends,familiesandmilitarystaff,that’salotofpeople!The2000censustreatedthebaseasatown.Itis6,835acres=10.6796mi².Betweenthesizeofthebaseandtheamountofanticipatedpeople,wereweevengoingtofindhim?Wejustfollowedthecarsinfrontofusforacoupleofblocksandparkedinasmalllot. ItwasabeautifulsunnydayinTexas.Myanxietywasgrowingstrongerbytheminute.Mypoorgirlsjustremainedsilentfollowingmecloselybecausetheywereabitanxiousthemselves.Wehadplannedsolongforthisandthemomentwasfinallyhereandnoneofusknewwhattoexpect.Wefeltlikelostlambsinthewoods.Afterfollowingmorepeople,thistimeonfoot,weencounteredaninformationtablesetupwithhandoutsofmapsandanagendaofthetwodayextravaganza:Airman’sRun,Airman’sCoinCeremony,Retreat,Parade/Graduation,OpenHouseandTownPass.Thislessenedmyfears.NowIhadsomethingtofollow.Wefiguredoutwherehisunit/flightwouldbestandingfortheCoinCeremonyandmadeaplanofwherewewouldsit.Next,wehadtogofindaspotonthestreetthatwaslocatedbehindthelotwheretheCoinCeremonywastotakeplacetowatchtheAirman’sRunwhichwastotakeplacefirstaccord-ingtotheagenda.ThatwouldbeourfirstglimpseofMichaelandalloftheothercadets.Wefoundourspotandsatonthecurband
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andwaited.Westillhadanotherhalfhourbeforetheywouldcome,andthestreetwasslowlyfillingup.Asthathalf-hourtickedby,thegirlsandIpeople-watched.Therewaseveryrace,nationality,age,sizeandshape,includingnewbornsandinfantsthatyoujustknewthiswastheirfirsttimemeetingtheirfathers.Peopleweredressedupanddownorlikeus,inbetween.SomewereholdingsignstheymadefortheirAirmanandweallhadcamerasorcamcordersontheready.Iwasmakingphonecallsandtextingfamilythatwemadeitandwe’reOKbecauseitwassolatewhenwegotin,wewerejustwaitingnow. Finally,inthedistance,youhearthe“jodies”(theyaretraditionalcall-and-responseworksongssungbymilitarypersonnelwhilerunningormarching).Thenyouseethefirstflightcoming.IjustheldmyFlipcamcorderinfrontofmeandheldtherecordbuttondownandprayedIwouldnotmisshim.Iwasawreckagain,tryingtoholdthecamerastraightandnotcrybecauseIwassooverwhelmedwithmixedemotions:happiness,prideandanticipationofthatmomentwhenwewouldseehim.Theyeachhadtheirownbannerthattoldyoutheirunitandflight.Theworstpartwastheyalllookedthesame!Weactuallymissedhimthefirsttimeheranbybutthankfully,theyturnedaroundandcamebacksoyoucouldgetasecondchanceifyoudidn’tseethemthefirsttime.Thesecondtimewasit,weseenhimandthegirlsscreamed“thereheis!”Icouldn’tbelievemyeyes.HewassothinfromallofthetraininganddietandredfrombeingoutintheTexasheatallthoseweeks.IwasstartingtorelaxalittlemorenowthatIhadseenhimbuttheheatwasgrowingmoreintensebythehour. TheAirmanreturnedtotheirbarrackstoputontheirdressblues;theirfulluniform.Everypieceofclothingonthemhastobewornaparticularway;theyareverystrictsotheyneededsometimetogetready.Whiletheyweregonepreparingfortheircoinceremony,thegirlsandIgotourseatsinthebleachers(theywerethankfullyshaded).IleftthegirlstosaveourseatswhileIwenttothegiftshoptogetsouvenirs;bumperstickersthatsaid“ProudGrandparentofaUSAirman”t-shirtsformeandthegirlsandofcourse,waters.Again,thebandstartsup,thestandsarepacked,peoplearewavingtheirmapsandagendaslikefansinfrontoftheir
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facestocoolthemselves,alltheimportantofficialsmarchinandtaketheirplacesatthepodiumandchairssetasideforthem.Shortlyafter,theyannouncealltheflightsandunitsastheytoomarchinandstandintheirpredeterminedpositionsintheopenlot.Afterahalf-hourorsoofspeeches,anthemsandotherceremonyrituals,theMTs(MilitaryTrainees)passoutthecoinstoeachoftheirAirman.Theyreceivethesecoinsaftercompletingtheirfieldtraining.Theysymbolizetheirrighttobecalled“Airman”anditissupposedtobeoneofthemostsignificanteventsintheirmilitarycareers. Oncethisceremonyiscomplete,wewereallowedtowalkoutontothelotandfindthem.TheAirmanwerenotallowedtomoveuntilwefoundthemandanyonewhodidn’thavesomeonethereforthem,hadtowaituntiltheyweretoldtheycouldleave.IfeltsobadforsomeofthosepeoplebutsoblessedthatwewereabletobethereforMichael.Itwaschaosthough,somanypeoplepushingthrougheachothertofindtheirperson.Whenwegottohim,weallfellapartcryingandlaughing.IhuggedhimlikeIhadn’tseenhiminyears!AfterthathewasallowedtoleaveforafewhoursonhisTownPass(FridayafternoonandalldaySaturdaytheyareabletoleavethebaseandvisitthelocalSanAntonioarea).Michaelgothisbelongingsandweheadedbacktoourhotelwhichwaslessthantenminutesaway.Allhewantedtodowassleepintheairconditioningandinarealbedforabit.So,welethimrestwhilethegirls,andIswam.Laterwegrabbeddinnerandthenhadtobringhimbacktothebase. Thenextdaywasgraduation!NowIamreallyfeelingbetter;weareallrelaxed,andIactuallyknewwhereIwasgoing.Weheadedbacktothebaseat7AM,boardedbusesthattookustoanairfieldwheretheceremonywastotakeplace.Again,wefoundourplacesinthebleacherswithcamerasready.Thegirlswereexhaustedbutwerestayingstrongformeandtheirbrother.Thebandsbegantheirmarchandtheflightsfallbehindinformationandparadeinfrontofus.Moreannouncementsandspeechesfollow.TheceremonyisfinalizedwithalloftheAirmenrecitingtheiroathofenlistment-moretearsofpride.Weallmetonthefieldafteritsconclusion,andheleftwithusfortheday.Weate
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plentyofmeals,sharedatonoflaughs(thetrainingstorieswerethebest),caughtaminorleaguebaseballgame,sawToyStory3,shopped,visitedtheRiverwalkindowntownSanAntonio,tookabunchofpicturesandjustrelaxed. Sundaycametoofastforme.Itwasdifficulttosaygood-byeoncemore,butlifehadtogoon.Again,badweatherinChicagodelayedourflightbackhome,butwewerehappybecausewegainedafewmorehoursoftimewitheachother.Finally,backonthegroundaround10PMinChicago,thegirlsandIheadedforthecarinthelongtermlotafterbeingdroppedoffbytheshuttlebus.Itwasaquietdrivehomewiththegirlsasleep,butitgavemetimetoabsorbtheeventsofthosepastfewdayswithmyfamily.Wewereateamagainforashorttimeandsharedinsomethingthatwouldstaywithusforeverandsomethingthatnoonecouldevertakeaway.Wemadeitthroughthosegates,thegateway;wesawandrejoiced.
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Photo by Nick Rubino
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