Crucial Conversations Principles for Coaches MarVele Tycksen

Crucial Conversations Principles

for Coaches

MarVele Tycksen

Handouts:WorksheetLanguage of a MentorA Protocol to get “Unstuck” (Communicating in Crucial Conversations)

Procedure for collaboration:AssignmentReturn prompt - 5 seconds

Session Objectives

Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action

Work on Me First

Focus with Others

A true coach helps those they mentor, to do more, see more, and become more than they

could become on their own.

So what do you do when your mentee….

…..resists your help?

• …think they know it all…..

• …rationalize their poor performance….

• or……..

When they:

…tell you what you want to hear, and then do their own thing….

Would you like some help?

Think of a teacher that you will consider through the training.

Find a table partner and share it with them.

What is a What is a crucial crucial conversation?conversation?

Opposing Opinions

Strong Emotions

High Stakes

Crucial Conversations have:Ron McMillan

When it Matters Most, We Do the When it Matters Most, We Do the WorstWorst

……or run from themor run from them

…. sugarcoat the conversation

The best, resolve conversations through dialogue

…ramrod them

What conversations are you not holding, or not

holding well?

Style Under Stress SurveyReview your survey, what is your style of response?

Silence or Violence ?

silence

violence

During Crucial Conversations parts of the brain shut down

so, we are left to deal with so, we are left to deal with complex social problems complex social problems with the same set of skills with the same set of skills we would use to deal with a we would use to deal with a ferocious animal. It is our…ferocious animal. It is our…

Reptilian Brain

Think of your teacher ……

How does your style impact your coaching?

Save FaceKeep the peaceWinBe RightLook GoodAvoid Conflict

Values that Kill Dialogue

When the conversation becomes crucial, When the conversation becomes crucial, slow down.slow down.

Stop. Look. ListenStop. Look. Listen..

Lets explore strategies that will help with crucial conversations while we are coaching…

Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action

Work on Me First

Focus with Others

CPR Joseph Grenny, Author

True Story of resistant teacher, part I

Observation 1 data: 37 disruptionsPost Conference

• Contentmultiple disruptions

Observation 2, data: high rates of off task behavior

Post Conference

What is the problem? Does the conversation need to change from Content to Pattern?

• Patternpoor classroom managementnot accepting results

Observation 3 students out of seats, etc.Post Conference

Does the conversation need to change again?

• Relationshiplack the ability?

not value the results of the observations? do not respect your expertise?

Review of CPR:

• Content

• Pattern or Process

• Relationship

If the content level conversation is not gettingresults move to pattern and then relationship.

Think of your teacher ……

Are you holding the right conversation? How do you know?

Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action

Work on Me First

Focus with Others

Start with HeartStart with Heart

““Work on Work on MeMe First, First,

UsUs Second Second””

Ask:Ask:What do you want?What do you want?

True Story of resistant teacher, part II

What do you really want?

Start With heart:LearnFind the TruthProduce ResultsStrengthen Relationships

Review Start with Review Start with HeartHeart

Focus oFocus on n what you what you

reallyreally want? want?

Think of the teacher that you are considering……

What do you really want ?

Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action

Work on Me First

Focus with Others

Learn to LookLearn to Look

During normal conversations we use a third eye

–Two eyes and ears attend to the content of the conversation (the what).

–Another eye watches the conditions of the conversation (the how).

What do you notice about yourself when you are nervous or on the spot?

• Tense shoulders• Heat turned up (flushing, sweating)• Stomach ache• Go Silent• Roll Eyes• Look Down

Look for these behaviors in the teacher.

Remember! When you see these signs, Remember! When you see these signs, slow down.slow down.

Stop. Look. ListenStop. Look. Listen. .

Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action

Work on Me First

Focus with Others

Make it SafeLearn to Look for safety problems

body languagelooking away silence sarcastic remarks walks away intonation in voice

Make it Safe

People who look at safety and content during crucial conversations can get to dialogue about almost anything.

Those who don’t, try to fix what goes wrong in exactly the wrong way.

Story Part III SUU ObservationWent to silence…. Eyes down"My lesson is completely different."

Start with heartLearn to LookMake it Safe

Step out of the conversationApologize and Contrasting Statement:

Review Make it SafeWhat do you do if it becomes unsafe?

• Step out of the conversation• Apologize• Use a Contrasting statement

–Contrasting is a “Don’t/Do” Statement

Think of the teacher that you are considering……

What will you do if you suspect safety is problem?

Story Part IV Copy of emailOn Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:08:13 -0600

__(teacher )wrote:

"MarVele,I got all 3s on my evaluation with the student principal and the (principal's name) even came in for a few minutes to observe. Thanks for your note and all your help. They said I did a great job and to keep doing what I am doing."

A true coach helps those they mentor, to do more, see more, and

become more than they could become on their own.

Review the principles of Crucial Conversations:

• CPR (content, pattern, relationship)

Start With Heart• Learn to Look• Make It Safe

Our Session Objectives were:

• Assignment :At our next UCN meeting be prepared to return & report on how you used these principles in your coaching interactions?

Use the notes, protocol, and mentor language, pages and practice using the principles.