Conflict Mediation

CONFLICTMEDIATION

Tech Prep Presentation to Area High School TeachersCollin County Community College

Plano, TX

What is Mediation?

An attempt by two parties to resolve their differences or dispute.

Assisted by a neutral third party.Purpose is to resolve a conflict and create an

agreement.Does not replace the judicial system.Mediation proceedings are confidential and

private.

What is Mediation?

A mediator only advises, only suggest.The resolution is up to the two parties using a

signed, written agreement.Informal process.No judge or jury, no arbitrator.All parties must agree to the process, usually

with a signed mediation agreement.

A Conflict Mediation ProgramMediator leads the parties – series of steps

Identifying the problem(s).Listening to each other.Recognizing the feelings involved.

Hurt, rejected, afraid, angry, arrogant, etc.Developing possible solutions.Taking responsibility for their part in the

conflict.

Mediation and Trial ComparisonTrial assumes guilt and innocence.Mediation assumes no fault.A trial seeks to learn the truth.Mediation seeks to find an equitable solution.A trial deals with facts.Mediation deals with the feelings and

perceptions behind the facts.In a trial, a judge makes a decision.In mediation, the disputants make the

decisions.

Peer Conflict Mediation

The two conflicting parties sit with a trained peer and discuss their differences.

The peer mediator guides the discussion to help the quarreling students find solutions to their conflict.

Once the two parties agree, they each sign a contract that outlines what each will do to solve the problem.

All mediation sessions are confidential.

Nature of the Conflict?What conflict exists according to them?

Is it all expressed?Are there additional points underneath?What’s the “triggering event” for this

dispute?How interdependent are the parties?Is ther interference threatened or present?Destructive conflict spiral or a productive

one?Do they know each other? How well?Are they locked in a relationship pattern?

Positions and Interests?

A POSITION is what I want or demand.An INTEREST is the underneath why I

want it.

Conflicts are most often the result of demands or incompatible positions.

Opposing positions often seem irreconcilable.The interests beneath the demands lead the

way to resolution, new outcome or option.

Positions and InterestsInterests related to each other

ConflictingSharedCompatible

Tips:Don’t assume that interests conflictDon’t assume that parties have conflicting

interests.Explore shared and compatible interests.People often lack awareness of their interests.

Options and Alternatives

OPTIONS are resolutions that parties conceive together.

An ALTERNATIVE is a resolution without the other party.To figure out an alternative, ask, “what if I cannot

agree to something with the person, what will I do……..?”

Choose between a set of options and your best alternative.

Mediation Process

Stepping into another’s shoes.What are they saying/doing that for?What is their situation?Am I empathetic with this person?If I were in their situation, what would I do to

get where I want?What are their needs/wants?

Mediation ProcessPositions Common Mistakes INTERESTS   Options    Alternatives Commitments 

Mediation ProcessMost common errors

Jump from positions to optionsJump from positions to commitment

Mediator’s role is to:Explore interestsHelp generate optionsHelp consider alternativesFacilitate commitmentMaintain confidentiality.

Mediation Process

Helpful Tips:Everyone wants to be heard (and must be).Affirming interests – not positions – moves the

process forward.Empathizing with both – protect your neutrality.Create several options before commit to one.Make sure everyone understands the

commitment in the same way.Be sure the commitment is doable.

Analyzing Conflict Situations1. Defensive communication?

Happens when they feel threatened.Will attempt to

Dominate Impress or Assert that they are correct

CharacteristicsTotal lack of listening or understandingAttacking, aggressive, and hostile behavior

No conducive to resolution of the problem

Analyzing Conflict Situations

2. Hostile communication?Direct verbal assaults

A person criticizes, ridicules, or makes fun of the other person.

Often a prelude to overt action such as physical violence.

Analyzing Conflict Situations

3. Manipulative Communications?Often occurs in conflict situations.Attempts to interpret or reshape the conflictMay try to:

Misrepresent the factsDraw unfounded conclusionsClaim misunderstandings

Analyzing Conflict Situations

4. AvoidanceMay change the subject to avoid confronting a

topic that is threatening.May not respond to specific issues.May change the subject to unrelated matters.

Analyzing Conflict Situations

5. Evaluative Response? Sniping?Another approach that people may attempt

when they discuss conflicts.One person makes a statement, then……

Other person does not respond directly.Other person evaluates or judges it. For example, “that remark is so childish” when

asked to respond

Conflict Styles

Competing:“Hard bargaining” or “might makes right.”Pursuing personal concerns at the expense of

the other party.Can mean “standing up for your right,”

defending that which you believe is correct.Can mean simply trying to win.

Conflict Styles

Collaborating:“Negotiating” or “two heads are better than

one”Working with someone to……

Explore your disagreementGenerate alternativesFinding a solution that mutually satisfies the

concerns of both parties.

Conflict Styles

Compromising:“Splitting the difference”Seeking the middle ground solution that

satisfies both parties.The middle ground is not always in the

“middle.”It depends upon the number of points.

Conflict Styles

Accommodating:“Soft bargaining”“Killing your enemy with kindness”Yielding to another person’s point of view

Paying attention to their concerns“Neglecting” one’s own concerns

Conflict Styles

Avoiding:“Leave well enough alone”Not addressing the conflict

Withdrawing from the situationPostponing the issue

Six Rules for Conflict Mediation

1. Never take sidesNever be the decision maker.Never defend one person’s point of

view.Only ask questions and make

suggestions

Six Rules for Conflict Mediation

2. Win-Win StrategyEach person to walk away feeling he or she won

in some part.

3. Maintain personal integrity for everyoneNo one to feel debased or humiliated.No one to feel left out.

Six Rules for Conflict Mediation

4. Get conflicts out in the open

Don’t let conflicts simmer and flare in the dark.

Get them out where can get explanations.

Six Rules for Conflict Mediation

5. Be aware of barriers to conflict resolution

DefensivenessPut-downsDiscountingJudgmental reactionsAggressive attacksOther similar actions

Six Rules for Conflict Mediation6. Do not escalate conflicts by involving

more people than is necessary

Resolve at the lowest possible level.Resolve between individuals who are directly involved.If two many people, they get concerned with…….

Saving face Loyalties Saying things for other’s benefit

Remember that mediations are confidential.