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CHAPTER 7
Listening, continued…
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Section 5TYPES OF LISTENING RESPONSES
Interplay
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Silent listening…
Staying attentive and nonverbally responsive without offering any verbal feedback.
Right approach when interjections are not appropriate.
Silent listening can help others solve problems.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Questioning…
Most popular piece of language!
Reasons to ask sincere, nondirective questions: To clarify meanings To learn about others’
thoughts, feelings, wants Ask open questions
versus closed questions To encourage
elaboration To encourage discovery To gather more facts and
details
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
But beware of…
Counterfeit questions! Questions that trap
the sender Questions that make
statements Questions that carry
hidden agendas Question that seek
“correct” answers Questions based on
unchecked assumptions
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing…
Paraphrasing: Feedback that restates, in your own words, the message you thought the speaker sent.
Types of paraphrasing statements: Change the speaker’s
wording Offer an example of
what you think the speaker is talking about.
Reflect the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Examples of Paraphrasing…
Speaker: “Bilingual education is just another failed idea of bleeding heart liberals.”
Paraphrase: “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re mad because you think bilingual ed sounds good, but it doesn’t work?”
Speaker: “Lee is such a jerk. I can’t believe the way he acted last night.”
Paraphrase: “You think those jokes were pretty offensive, huh?”
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing…
Paraphrasing assists listening Find out if the
message received is what the sender intended
Draw out further information from the speaker
Short-circuits a defensive spiral
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Paraphrasing: Two Levels
Use a questioning tone
Turn personal topics to a factual level
Paraphrase instructions, direction, and decisions before acting
Listen for thoughts, feelings, wants
Paraphrases don’t have to be long
Mix paraphrasing with other response.
May be awkward at first.
Paraphrasing Factual Information
Paraphrasing Personal Information
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Empathizing…
Shows that you identify with the speaker
What do the authors mean when they say, “Effective empathizing… is not a technique/skill… but emerges from a relationship”?
Identifies with the speaker's emotions and perceptions than paraphrasing
Offers less evaluation and agreement than supporting responses.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Listeners are not empathizing when…
Denying others the right to their feelings.
Minimizing the significance of the situation.
Self-defending. Raining on the
speaker’s parade.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Supporting…
Reveals solidarity with the speaker’s situation.
Comforting ability/ social support = most important communication skills for friendship.
Men and women differ: Women give supportive
responses More skillful at composing
messages Men offer advice Divert the topic Both sexes respond well to
comforting messages that are delivered with nonverbal immediacy.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
When support is beneficial…
When the expression of support is sincere
When the other person can accept your support
When focusing on “here and now” rather than “then and there”; focusing on the future avoids support in the present.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Analyzing
Interpretation of a speaker’s message.
Helps people consider alternative meanings of a situation.
Offers objective understanding of the situation.
Analysis can create more problems when: Interpretation is incorrect
and causes confusion Accurate analysis is not
useful to the sender.Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor
Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Offer helpful analysis by…
Stating the interpretation in a tentative way rather than an absolute fact.
Providing analysis that has a reasonable chance of being correct.
Making sure that the other person will be receptive.
Ensuring that the motive for analysis is to truly help the other person.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Evaluating
Appraises the sender’s thoughts or behaviors in some way; can be favorable or unfavorable.
Best chance of being received when: the person with the
problem has requested an evaluation.
the evaluation is genuinely constructive and not designed as a put-down.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Advising
Offered in three conditions: Requested in a
straightforward manner. Ambiguous statements
include a request for opinion, soliciting information, or announcement of a problem.
When unsolicited—not as effective.
Advice is not helpful when: It doesn’t offer the best
suggestion about how to act. Allows other to avoid
responsibility for their decisions.
Peron may not want advice or be ready to accept it.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
Before offering advice…
Be sure the person wants to hear suggestions.
Consider whether the person seeking advice is ready to accept it.
Be confidence that the advice is correct.
Be certain that the receiver will not blame you if the advice doesn’t work out.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
When to use what style…
Begin with responses from the left and middle of the continuum: silent listening, questioning, paraphrasing, empathizing, supporting.
Think about the situation and match response to the nature of the problem.
Think about the other person when deciding which approach to use.
Be confident you will be regarded as someone whose support will be valuable.
Match the type of response with the style of the person.
Think about yourself: Consider your weaknesses and strengths in listening and responding.
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
END OF SECTIONInterplay
Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/ProctorCopyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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