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marthamcmanus@hotmail.com 1
Bringing People TogetherChallenges and Opportunities
Conflict Resolution Saskatchewan Inc.&
The ADR Institute of Saskatchewan
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Agenda• Introductions• Guidelines• Opening Address –Intense emotions, anger,
rage and the Brain• Transformative learning :
– The cooperative learning process• Introduce self• best skill in work with group• What I could use your help with
– “We learn what we teach.”
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REPTILIAN BRAIN
Instinctual survival• Fight,Flight,
Freeze• Aggression• Anger• Fear• Revenge
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Fever is your body’s effort to send white blood cells to illness; hot enough to drive out germs, bacteria. Low fever & high fever need different response.
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Under Anger• Hurt• Grieving• Frustrated• Humiliated• Scared• Rejected• Embarrassed• Trapped- no options
• HALT- – Hungry– Angry already– Lonely– Tired
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Stop and breathe 3
deep breathes
Act on the safest
choice
Reflect on what worked
Reward to feel good
afterward
Think of 10 ideas for what
to do
Manage your anger- Be a STARR
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Tell me, and I will forget. Show me, and I may remember. Involve
me, and I will understand.
Confucius, 450 B.C.
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How many squares? •Work alone and fast, this is a competition.•Write your answer on a paper and raise your hand.•The first 3 are winners.
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How many squares?
Take as long as you need to get the answer. Work individually.
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How many squares? Work together to find an answer, Help each other understand.
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BASE GROUPS
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EXPERT GROUPS
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Unpacking Root Causes 9-10:15Working groups: 9- 9:15 • 1.High and Low context cultures and communication• 2.Life skills- Anger and emotional intelligence• 3.Trauma, Abuse and violence contributors• 4.Mental illness & immediate situational contributors
Base groups: 9:15- 9: 45• Working group (1,2,3,4) reports (5 minutes each)• How does understanding possible root causes inform our
work?• In their shoes- if you experienced some of the root causes
described, how would you wish to be treated?• Questions for the big group
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How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping
another? • Swimming metaphor• Pre mediation work
– Co- mediator- don’t go alone– Anger, rage, volatility
• Past patterns• Current stressors
– Support
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How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping
another? 11-11:45 • Working groups: 11-11:15
– Respect– Resilience– Diversity –reflecting our community– Environment – Space, exits, timing
• Base groups: 11:15- 11:45• Reports of working groups• Brainstorm ideas that will help prevent volatile eruptions
in the environments of your work• Questions and insights to Big group
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A man had 17 camelsHe left his 17 camels to his three sons on his death. The oldest son would get 1/2 the camels.The middle son would get 1/3 of the camels.The youngest son would get 1/9 of the camels.
The sons were confused. Then a wiseWoman came along on her camelAnd resolved the problem.How many camels did each son get?
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LEO• Listen:
– Body language (face them, open body stance)– Tone and volume, Do your eyes show interest? (or are you busy taking notes?)
– Ask open ended questions– Encourage talking (that must have been difficult, thank you for telling me)– Give them room– Suspend Judgment, Avoid moving to premature solutions
• Empathize: – Confirms you understand their point of view– Lets them know you heard their story
– Demonstrates comfort and competence – Lays groundwork for problem solving– Helps build common ground– “So you feel___________ because it seems to you____________ ?”– Restate feelings, their view and check to make sure you got it right?– Model desired emotional state (breathe, be calm, attentive)
• Options:– Get their attention- confirm understanding- move to desired outcome
– Offer Options-“I can think of some options, want to hear them?– Co-create options, neutral language– Plot a course- next steps (KIS)
– •
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NVC
1. OBSERVE: The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being2. FEELINGS: How we feel in relation to what we are observing3.NEEDS: The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our feelings 4.REQUEST: The concrete action we request in order to enrich our lives
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NLP
• Visual• Auditory• Kinesthetic internal• Kinesthetic external
– “ I can see that you feel frustrated and angry; that no one seems to be listening to you. Come and lets you and I see if we can sort this out.”
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http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/transformation/
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Conflict Management and Transformation
• It is time: – To honour our values of respect, compassion and treating
others as we would wish to be treated.– To expand our life skills as we live cooperatively in
increasingly diverse communities– To embrace conflict as an opportunity for learning and growth
• Transformation is possible-”Our peaceful world is not a place without conflict. Rather it is a place where we resolve our conflicts with respect, compassion, and a shared goal of understanding. Let us honour each other in the process.”
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Key skills for working with conflict: Respecting the people and understanding the problem
• Separating the people and the problem• Focus on interests not positions• Common Interests• Creating Options- why brainstorming works• Emotional and social intelligence skills• Heart felt Compassion• “People do the best they can with what they
know. When they know better, they do better.” Maya Angelo
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If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease.
Sent-ts’an, c - 700 CE
Zen master
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Skill Development
• Base groups practice LEO method & NVC– Create an example– Practice responding-both methods– Request feedback
• What you did well
• Debrief methods as a group– Make it your own- prepare a script
• After Anger and volatility – now what?
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Putting it all together
• In your group with colleagues:– Introduce yourselves– What I do well….
• discuss :– Challenges unique to your circumstances– Prevention– Environment – Processes most effective with your community–
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Putting it all together - self care
• Individuals and community care• Left overs• Evaluation
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Escalation of Conflict
Latent Tensions
Overt Conflict
Power Struggle
Destructive Violence
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Why Conflict Escalates
Latent Tensions
Overt Conflict
Power Struggle
Destructive Violence
Frustrated needs
Poor skills
Weak relationships
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Why Conflict Escalates
Latent Tensions
Overt Conflict
Power Struggle
Destructive Violence
Conflicting interests
Disputed rights
Unequal power
Injured relationships
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Why Conflict Escalates
Latent Tensions
Overt Conflict
Power Struggle
Destructive Violence
No attention
No limitation
No protection
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Catching Conflict Before it Escalates
Prevent
Resolve
ContainPower
Struggle
Overt Conflict
Latent Tensions
Destructive Violence
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Prevent
Sources of Tension
Frustrated needs
Poor skills
Weak relationships
Ways to Prevent
The Provider
The Teacher
The Bridge-Builder
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Resolve
Sources of Conflict
Conflicting interests
Disputed rights
Unequal power
Injured relationships
Ways to Resolve
The Mediator
The Arbiter
The Equalizer
The Healer
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Contain
Sources of Struggle
No attention
No limitation
No protection
Ways to Contain
The Witness
The Referee
The Peacekeeper
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