Argus - xmas rant

It’s my life ........................3

In the news.........................4

Talking heads ....................4

The week in pictures...........4

Past/present .......................5

Close-up on Brighton ...........5

Around the world ............6 & 7

Late breaks .........................7

Reading matters.................8

Cooking in style ..................9

Drink talking......................9

Weekend walk.................10

Gardening ......................11

DIY .......................................11

The vet ...............................11

Cover story..........12, 13 & 14

TV preview......................15

Pick of the week................15

The week’s TV .............16-23

Vanora on the box............24

David Roper ....................24

Contents

2 Weekend Saturday, December 18 – Sunday, December 19, 2004what’s inside

Is something bothering you? Then get it off your chest by emailing rant@theargus.co.uk Only contributors who include their full name and address will be considered for publication, although we shall only show an

abbreviated form of the address. We reserve the right to shorten letters.

the rantI ADMIT it. I’m a fullypaid-up, badge-wearingmember of the BahHumbug Brigade. Yes, it’sofficial: I hate Christmas. If you’re not religious, ifyou’re self-employed, ifyou don’t have children –tell me, please, what isthere to like about anannual consumer-festwhich simultaneouslytraumatises mind, body,soul and bank balance (notto mention filling yourfavourite hang-outs withoffice parties, full of peopleintent on photocopyingtheir backsides)?Christmas starts in lateAugust (out come thefestive goods as soon asthe gazebos and barbecueshave been cleared away)and continues until yourentire peer group is skint,depressed and hung overon January 1.There’s nothing worsethan clearing away theChristmas tree (if you haveone) on the twelfth day. Bythat stage, you’ll want toforget the festive seasonever happened – but thetree won’t let you, havingsomehow succeeded indropping needles thelength and breadth of yourabode. You’ll still be

finding them in yourbikini come June.Christmas Day is astrategic minefield. Whereto go? Oooh… decisions,decisions! Spend it withrelatives and get boredwitless by sitcom re-runsand the Queen’s Speechwhile everyone lollsaround, clutching theirover-full bellies andgroaning at one another.Or you can spend it withparty-loving friends andend up in a room full ofover-imbibed people whowould probably rather besomewhere else (with thepartner and children they

don’t have, for example). If you’re lucky, you mightget some dry turkey andanaemic roast potatoes, asmine host will probably betoo drunk to tell thesaucepan from the skillet.The season of goodwill hasturned into the season of“demonstrate your lovewith expensive presents”.We are bombardedconstantly with adverts for“must-have” items, withthe underlying implicationthat failing to buy themwill make us rotten friendsand parents. And if you don’t organiseyour present shopping

with military precision,you’ll find yourself doingit on Christmas Eve,dutifully queuing forumpteen hours to park inthe town centre, only tofind the shelves have beendenuded of everything butselection boxes and socks.I’m sure we all haveromantic ideals aboutChristmas: Log fires, sixinches of snow, perfectgifts and happy, smilingfaces. Like most thingsthat are over-planned, thereality does not live up toour expectations. More accurately, itinvolves getting hot underthe collar while trying tofind decent gifts incrowded stores, anonslaught of turkey sointense it makes you wantto turn veggie and redfaces all round whenfamily and workplacefeuds emerge for theirannual airing.Even if you choose to leavethe country at Christmas,you’ll have to reckon withexorbitant air fares andyet more long queues. Dear Santa: I ask one thingonly. Please come andrescue me on your sleigh.

Jo Chipchase

A FRILLING CAKE P9

Christmascomes butonce a year– and that’sonce toooften for me

COVER: SIMON FOWLER/EMI CLASSICS

barking Martin Fish

PICKING THEPERFECTTREE P11

SANDS OF TIME P6&7

SWITCHED ON P15

CLOCK THIS INSTEYNING P5

THE NEW MISSMARPLE P24

WIN A PIECEOF SUSSEX P8