1 Chapter 7 “Building Effective Interpersonal Relationships”

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Chapter 7 “Building Chapter 7 “Building Effective Interpersonal Effective Interpersonal

Relationships”Relationships”

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Section 2Section 2

““Personal Style Personal Style in in Interpersonal Interpersonal Relationships”Relationships”

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DominantDominant

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DominantDominant

15 % of population15 % of population BehaviorsBehaviors1.1. Fast paced/task orientedFast paced/task oriented2.2. Considered “mover/shaker” – Considered “mover/shaker” – gets things donegets things done3.3. Will do whatever is necessaryWill do whatever is necessary to overcome to overcome

obstaclesobstacles4.4. Skilled at Skilled at providing directionproviding direction to others to others5.5. Sought as Sought as leadersleaders6.6. Will delegate to Will delegate to those deemed those deemed competentcompetent

55

DominantDominant

SpeaksSpeaks1.1. DirectDirect and to the point and to the point2.2. Can be Can be bluntblunt and critical and critical3.3. Can be Can be sarcasticsarcastic4.4. Gives instruction Gives instruction for big picture for big picture but omits but omits

detailsdetails to be accomplished before project to be accomplished before project can begincan begin

5.5. Inspires Inspires others others but but may be may be overly overly optimisticoptimistic

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DominantDominant

SpeaksSpeaks6. 6. Doesn’t hide accomplishmentsDoesn’t hide accomplishments and may be and may be

self-centeredself-centered7. Will 7. Will escalate conflictescalate conflict8. Can be 8. Can be manipulativemanipulative to get results to get results9. Will 9. Will close off communication when highly close off communication when highly

stressedstressed10. Sometimes 10. Sometimes needs to be confronted to get needs to be confronted to get

attentionattention11. 11. You may have to push back to get respectYou may have to push back to get respect

77

DominantDominant

ListensListens

1.1. Not patientNot patient; seldom seeks opinions; seldom seeks opinions

2.2. Wants Wants brief answersbrief answers

3.3. Wants Wants bottom line first bottom line first – reasons second– reasons second

4.4. Asks if they want more detailAsks if they want more detail

5.5. Is more Is more interested in taskinterested in task information information than people issuesthan people issues

88

DominantDominant

How to speak to dominatesHow to speak to dominates

1.1. Provide brief, direct, to-the-point answersProvide brief, direct, to-the-point answers

2.2. Ask “whatAsk “what” not “how” questions” not “how” questions

3.3. Stick to businessStick to business; outline possibilities to ; outline possibilities to get results, solve problems or be in get results, solve problems or be in chargecharge

4.4. Stress logic of ideasStress logic of ideas or approaches or approaches

99

DominantDominant

How to talk to dominateHow to talk to dominate

5.5. Agree with factsAgree with facts or ideas, or ideas, not personnot person

6.6. Provide factsProvide facts, figures about probability of , figures about probability of success or effectiveness of optionssuccess or effectiveness of options

7.7. Show how they will reach goalsShow how they will reach goals

1010

InfluencingInfluencing

1111

InfluencingInfluencing

15% of population15% of population BehaviorsBehaviors

1.1. Fast paced/people orientedFast paced/people oriented

2.2. Has an Has an interactor styleinteractor style

3.3. Tends to be Tends to be extroverted, enthusiasticextroverted, enthusiastic, , outgoing, spontaneous and optimisticoutgoing, spontaneous and optimistic

4.4. Appear Appear stylishstylish

1212

InfluencingInfluencing

BehaviorsBehaviors

5. Likes5. Likes stimulating conversation stimulating conversation

6. Has 6. Has difficulty with difficulty with routineroutine tasks tasks

7. 7. Gets results by influencingGets results by influencing and and persuadingpersuading

8. Valued and sought for 8. Valued and sought for fun-loving attitudefun-loving attitude

9. 9. Enjoys recognition of achievementsEnjoys recognition of achievements

1313

InfluencingInfluencing

SpeaksSpeaks

1.1. Friendly; Friendly; initiates conversationinitiates conversation

2.2. Spontaneous Spontaneous and often humorousand often humorous

3.3. MakesMakes positive positive, enthusiastic remarks, enthusiastic remarks

4.4. Physically expressivePhysically expressive with face, tone and with face, tone and gesturesgestures

5.5. OftenOften promises more than can be promises more than can be delivereddelivered

1414

InfluencingInfluencing

SpeaksSpeaks6.6. UsesUses excuses excuses7.7. InfluencesInfluences and persuades and persuades through verbal through verbal

praisepraise8.8. Makes judgments intuitivelyMakes judgments intuitively instead of instead of

analyzing dataanalyzing data9.9. Physical communicatorPhysical communicator – shakes hands, – shakes hands,

hugs, pats shouldershugs, pats shoulders10.10. Need to verbally express at lengthNeed to verbally express at length

1515

InfluencingInfluencing

ListensListens

1.1. ResponsiveResponsive

2.2. Encouraging V and NVEncouraging V and NV

3.3. Interrupts Interrupts to compare experiences, not to compare experiences, not dominatedominate

4.4. Very empathicVery empathic due to high degree of due to high degree of emotionalityemotionality

1616

InfluencingInfluencing

ListensListens

5.5. Hears only what he wants Hears only what he wants

6.6. May not hear negativesMay not hear negatives

7.7. Reacts too quickly to speaker’s first Reacts too quickly to speaker’s first wordswords

1717

InfluencingInfluencing

How to speak to an influencingHow to speak to an influencing

1.1. Be a good listenerBe a good listener

2.2. Provide chances for verbalizingProvide chances for verbalizing about about ideas, people or intuitionsideas, people or intuitions

3.3. Speak in democratic termsSpeak in democratic terms – “we” not – “we” not “I’m the boss; do as I say”“I’m the boss; do as I say”

4.4. Give big pictureGive big picture without getting bogged without getting bogged down with detail- down with detail- put details in writingput details in writing

1818

InfluencingInfluencing

How to speak to influencingHow to speak to influencing5.5. Provide testimonials Provide testimonials 6.6. Provide extra incentivesProvide extra incentives – likes to be – likes to be

recognized as a leaderrecognized as a leader7.7. Lead step-by-step to conclusionsLead step-by-step to conclusions – tend – tend

to jump and not be analyticalto jump and not be analytical8.8. Use small talkUse small talk before getting down to before getting down to

businessbusiness

1919

InfluencingInfluencing

How to speak to influencingHow to speak to influencing9.9. Be VERY realisticBe VERY realistic – he doesn’t need – he doesn’t need

support from yousupport from you10.10. Give clear instructionGive clear instruction – – get firm get firm

commitmentcommitment in writing or through in writing or through handshakehandshake

11.11. Use confrontation as last resort-Use confrontation as last resort- persuasion and encouragement work persuasion and encouragement work betterbetter

12.12. Accept failures and encourageAccept failures and encourage – don’t – don’t punishpunish

2020

SteadySteady

2121

SteadySteady

35% of population35% of population BehaviorsBehaviors1.1. Slow paced – both people/task orientedSlow paced – both people/task oriented2.2. Typically Typically cooperative/efficientcooperative/efficient3.3. Can be counted on Can be counted on to get a job doneto get a job done4.4. Fairly Fairly reservedreserved5.5. Pays Pays attention to detailattention to detail6.6. Loves structureLoves structure

2222

SteadySteady

BehaviorsBehaviors

7.7. Very Very stablestable

8.8. Good Good team player but pessimisticteam player but pessimistic

9.9. Appears casual Appears casual or conformingor conforming

10.10. Reaches objectives through Reaches objectives through cooperationcooperation

11.11. Tends to have Tends to have warm personality warm personality and and calming effect calming effect on otherson others

2323

SteadySteady

SpeaksSpeaks

1.1. Usually Usually not initiator not initiator of conversations or of conversations or new ideasnew ideas

2.2. LikesLikes stability of stability of groupsgroups – uses – uses “we” “we” or or “us”“us”

3.3. Gives Gives practical advicepractical advice

4.4. Asks “how” Asks “how” not “when” or “if” questions – not “when” or “if” questions – uncomfortable initiating decisionsuncomfortable initiating decisions

2424

SteadySteady

SpeaksSpeaks

5.5. Thinks things overThinks things over

6.6. FaithfulFaithful/loyal – sometimes /loyal – sometimes to a faultto a fault

7.7. May not communicate well May not communicate well under stress under stress – keeps thoughts and feelings to self – – keeps thoughts and feelings to self – becomes silent becomes silent or non-involvedor non-involved

8.8. Will not attack- Will not attack- suppresses anger but suppresses anger but holds grudgesholds grudges

2525

SteadySteady

SpeaksSpeaks

9.9. Stores up grievances; ultimately making Stores up grievances; ultimately making him him suspicious of otherssuspicious of others

10.10. Can overuse kindness Can overuse kindness when when assertiveness is more effectiveassertiveness is more effective

11.11. Often Often doesn’t say “no” doesn’t say “no” when neededwhen needed

12.12. Presents thought out, Presents thought out, step-by-stepstep-by-step, , orderly plansorderly plans

2626

SteadySteady

SpeaksSpeaks

13.13. Can be Can be blunt when blunt when disagreeing or disagreeing or defending selfdefending self

14.14. Withholds expression Withholds expression of true feelings; of true feelings; rarely expresses much enthusiasmrarely expresses much enthusiasm

15.15. Tends to think in term of Tends to think in term of either/oreither/or; rarely ; rarely thinks to compromisethinks to compromise

2727

SteadySteady

ListensListens

1.1. Patient Patient empathic listener empathic listener due to people due to people involvementinvolvement

2.2. Demands honesty Demands honesty and opennessand openness

3.3. Tends to withhold evaluative feedback; Tends to withhold evaluative feedback; has excellent insight but has excellent insight but won’t share won’t share unless askedunless asked

2828

SteadySteady

ListensListens

4.4. Creates Creates open-door atmosphere open-door atmosphere in which in which sharing work and family issues is sharing work and family issues is acceptableacceptable

5.5. Controls emotional expression Controls emotional expression so so speaker feels acceptedspeaker feels accepted

6.6. Can be wonderful conversationalist Can be wonderful conversationalist because he is because he is wonderful listenerwonderful listener

2929

SteadySteady

How to speak to a steadyHow to speak to a steady

1.1. Provide a sincere, personable, agreeable Provide a sincere, personable, agreeable environmentenvironment

2.2. Show sincere interest in person, Show sincere interest in person, particularly in his particularly in his familyfamily

3.3. Ask “how” Ask “how” questions to get opinionsquestions to get opinions

4.4. Draw out goals Draw out goals systematicallysystematically

3030

SteadySteady

How to speak to a steadyHow to speak to a steady5.5. Present new ideas or departure from Present new ideas or departure from

status quo in non-threatening manner status quo in non-threatening manner and show the benefitsand show the benefits

6.6. Clearly define goals in new plans and Clearly define goals in new plans and point out how he fits into those planspoint out how he fits into those plans

7.7. Provide personal assurance and Provide personal assurance and reassurancereassurance

8.8. Give specific, constant appreciationGive specific, constant appreciation

3131

SteadySteady

How to speak to a steadyHow to speak to a steady

9.9. Refrain from aggressionRefrain from aggression, ultimatums and , ultimatums and conflictconflict

10.10. Always Always use logicaluse logical, systematic , systematic rationalesrationales when explaining or asking for when explaining or asking for cooperationcooperation

11.11. Give time Give time to process and make decisionsto process and make decisions

12.12. Be loyal Be loyal and supportiveand supportive

3232

ConscientiousConscientious

3333

ConscientiousConscientious

35 % of population35 % of population BehaviorsBehaviors

1.1. Slow paced/task orientedSlow paced/task oriented

2.2. Highly analytical Highly analytical perfectionistsperfectionists who love who love detaildetail

3.3. Tend to be introverted and Tend to be introverted and guardedguarded in in relationshipsrelationships

4.4. Avoid risk-taking Avoid risk-taking at all costsat all costs

3434

ConscientiousConscientious

BehaviorsBehaviors

5.5. Seeks safety of rules Seeks safety of rules and regulationsand regulations

6.6. Appears formal and Appears formal and conservativeconservative

7.7. Follows rulesFollows rules/meets deadlines – expects /meets deadlines – expects others to do the sameothers to do the same

8.8. Gets results from Gets results from workingworking with withinin guidelinesguidelines or structure to ensure quality or structure to ensure quality and accuracyand accuracy

3535

ConscientiousConscientious

BehaviorsBehaviors

9.9. Often Often prefers to work aloneprefers to work alone rather than in rather than in groupsgroups

10.10. Sought for Sought for advice about details advice about details and and routineroutine

3636

ConscientiousConscientious

SpeaksSpeaks

1.1. Passes the buck Passes the buck if asked for answersif asked for answers

2.2. Yields a position Yields a position to avoid controversyto avoid controversy

3.3. DefensiveDefensive when threatened when threatened

4.4. Exact about detailsExact about details; may talk at length ; may talk at length about details that seem unimportant to about details that seem unimportant to othersothers

5.5. Feels Feels qualityquality is extremely is extremely importantimportant

3737

ConscientiousConscientious

SpeaksSpeaks

6.6. AsksAsks MANY, MANY detailed MANY, MANY detailed questionsquestions to to clarify others’ positionsclarify others’ positions

7.7. Slow to respond Slow to respond due to processing ALL due to processing ALL informationinformation

8.8. Extremely critical Extremely critical of own work and highly of own work and highly critical of others not meeting critical of others not meeting expectationsexpectations

3838

ConscientiousConscientious

SpeaksSpeaks

9.9. Influences by Influences by collecting and collecting and organizingorganizing factual data and logical presentationsfactual data and logical presentations

10.10. Seldom admits true emotionSeldom admits true emotional reactions al reactions and will withhold insights and opinions and will withhold insights and opinions until feels it safe to shareuntil feels it safe to share

11.11. Seldom gives positive feedback Seldom gives positive feedback or or appreciation to othersappreciation to others

3939

ConscientiousConscientious

SpeaksSpeaks

12.12. Has a special talent for organizing and Has a special talent for organizing and communicating instructs correctlycommunicating instructs correctly

13.13. Follows rules and fulfills commitmentsFollows rules and fulfills commitments

14.14. Will seek opinions to argue Will seek opinions to argue or move on or move on to seek someone else’s opinionto seek someone else’s opinion

15.15. Very Very cautious about cautious about expressing opinions expressing opinions or or making decisions making decisions until all data has until all data has been checked and recheckedbeen checked and rechecked

4040

ConscientiousConscientious

SpeaksSpeaks

16.16. Enjoys intellectual argument Enjoys intellectual argument as a way of as a way of exercising reasoning abilityexercising reasoning ability

17.17. Seems to Seems to take little initiative take little initiative or contribute or contribute few ideasfew ideas

18.18. Fears criticism Fears criticism and may keep to self to and may keep to self to feel protectedfeel protected

4141

ConscientiousConscientious

ListensListens

1.1. AttentiveAttentive, intuitive listener; sensitive to , intuitive listener; sensitive to feelings of speakerfeelings of speaker

2.2. Misses main point Misses main point and get off on and get off on tangentstangents

3.3. Asks MANYAsks MANY, MANY , MANY questionsquestions, which at , which at times may feel like attackstimes may feel like attacks

4242

ConscientiousConscientious

ListensListens

4.4. Needs to hear the same thing Needs to hear the same thing repeatedlyrepeatedly, reprocess the same info and , reprocess the same info and ask the same questionsask the same questions

5.5. Takes criticism Takes criticism or comments or comments personallypersonally although not aimed directly at himalthough not aimed directly at him

4343

ConscientiousConscientious

How to speak to a conscientiousHow to speak to a conscientious

1.1. Take time to prepare a Take time to prepare a logicallogical case in case in advanceadvance

2.2. Provide Provide straight pros and cons straight pros and cons of ideas of ideas and support ideas with accurate dataand support ideas with accurate data

3.3. Provide Provide exact job description exact job description with with precise explanation of how each fits into precise explanation of how each fits into the big picturethe big picture

4444

ConscientiousConscientious

How to speak to a conscientiousHow to speak to a conscientious

4.4. Provide Provide reassurancereassurance of no surprises of no surprises

5.5. Provide Provide step-by-stepstep-by-step approach to goal approach to goal

6.6. Be specific Be specific if agreeing; disagree with if agreeing; disagree with facts not personfacts not person

7.7. Prepare to provide MANY explanations Prepare to provide MANY explanations and answer “how” and “if” questions in a and answer “how” and “if” questions in a patient mannerpatient manner

4545

ConscientiousConscientious

How to speak to a conscientiousHow to speak to a conscientious

8.8. EncourageEncourage V V independindependence as well as ence as well as job independencejob independence

9.9. ProvideProvide MANY MANY assurancesassurances that you that you value quality and accuracyvalue quality and accuracy

10.10. Refrain from antagonistic responsesRefrain from antagonistic responses that that breed withdrawal and avoidancebreed withdrawal and avoidance

11.11. OfferOffer much reassurance and much reassurance and supportsupport

4646

Analyzing Style to Prevent Analyzing Style to Prevent Interpersonal ConflictInterpersonal Conflict

Adapt own behavior slightly from Adapt own behavior slightly from relationship to relationship relationship to relationship

Realize that a person’s communication Realize that a person’s communication style is his natural orientation toward style is his natural orientation toward getting work done; it has nothing to do with getting work done; it has nothing to do with his perception of youhis perception of you

Less likely to clash if you realize that four Less likely to clash if you realize that four styles are necessary to get work donestyles are necessary to get work done

4747

Analyzing Style to Prevent Analyzing Style to Prevent Interpersonal ConflictInterpersonal Conflict

““D”s get us going and keep us on taskD”s get us going and keep us on task ““I”s provides optimism, energy and humor I”s provides optimism, energy and humor

to create positive creative atmosphereto create positive creative atmosphere ““S”s calm us down and get us to slow S”s calm us down and get us to slow

down so we can do the job rightdown so we can do the job right ““C”s keep us on task and in line with the C”s keep us on task and in line with the

rules rules

4848

1. 1. AdventurousAdventurousPolishedPolishedStableStable

4949

2.2.ReceptiveReceptiveDeterminedDeterminedEnthusiasticEnthusiastic

5050

3.3.SteadySteadyExactingExactingoriginaloriginal

5151

4.4. PoisedPoisedPatientPatientOrderlyOrderly

5252

5.5.

ForcefulForceful

PersuasivePersuasive

SettledSettled

5353

6.6.

CautiousCautious

BoldBold

OutgoingOutgoing

5454

7.7. PersistentPersistent CooperativeCooperative BraveBrave

5555

8. 8.

AttractiveAttractive

ControlledControlled

CorrectCorrect

5656

9.9. CompetitiveCompetitive DiplomaticDiplomatic AccommodatingAccommodating

5757

10. 10.

CarefulCareful

DecisiveDecisive

PopularPopular

5858

11.11.

DependableDependable

AccurateAccurate

InventiveInventive

5959

12.12.

ConvincingConvincing

ConsistentConsistent

Open-mindedOpen-minded

6060

13.13.

PositivePositive

CordialCordial

Even-temperedEven-tempered

6161

14.14. ConservativeConservative EagerEager EntertainingEntertaining

6262

15.15. AmiableAmiable SystematicSystematic Self-reliantSelf-reliant

6363

16.16.

SociableSociable

UnhurriedUnhurried

PrecisePrecise