Teach Your Text to Strip: Take It Off—Take It (Almost) All Off

Marcia Riefer Johnston@MarciaRJohnston

#InfoDevWorld

A few things about conciseness

your English teacher never taught you.

#InfoDevWorld @MarciaRJohnston Teach Your Text to Strip HowToWriteEverything.com

What does concise mean (and not mean)?

Why do I care?

How can I write more concisely?

Why do I care?

How can I write more concisely?Strip

lessons

Why do I care?

How can I write more concisely?Strip

lessons

#InfoDevWorld

No headline?

#InfoDevWorld

No headline?

Nobullets?

#InfoDevWorld

No headline?

Nobullets? No

verbiage?

#InfoDevWorld

No headline?

Nobullets? No

verbiage?

Howconcise!

What does concise not mean?

Make text, like a skirt, as long as needed.

What does concise mean?

Minimal

What does concise mean?

Minimal

Enough to meet your audiences’ needs

Minimal

Enough to accomplish your purpose

Minimal

No more

Minimal

No more No less

Minimal

No more No less

Minimal

Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free

Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, or

Your Products through Your Words

Audience needs:“What’s in it for me?”

My purpose:Lure people

No more

No more No less

Why do I care?

“Usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.”

Nielsen Norman Groupwww.nngroup.com/articles/how-users-read-on-the-web

Why do I care?

“Usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.”

Nielsen Norman Groupwww.nngroup.com/articles/how-users-read-on-the-web

Write Tight (er)

This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.

How much $ can you save?

You may be needing a loan.

How much $ can you save?words6

You may need a loan.

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

Translation savings:

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences, 1 language

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences, 25 languages

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

What concise means

Why I care

How can I writemore concisely?

How can I teach my text to strip?

Take it (almost) all off,

dahling.

Strip off these words!*

Strip off these words!**unless you need them

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch

We takethe rest off in myworkshop.

be-verbs

are be-verbs

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

isbe will have

been being

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

be-verb. Any form of the verb to be—namely, am, are, be, been, being, is, was, and were—whether used as an auxiliary verb or as a main verb.

—Bryan GarnerGarner’s Modern American Usage

See be-verbs.

Start seeing be-verbs!

Examples

Gypsy Rose Lee was a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act. She was also a playwright.

The fix might not be self-evident.

You have to think.

(Not too painful.)

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Audit logs are proof that no data breach has occurred.

Our team wants to be predictive.

What does the team

want to do?

Skydiving was fun.

What happened?

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

www.hemingwayapp.com

What it is is…

“What was found was that access points on maps were not reflective or accurate for where they are.”

“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.”(attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)

We don’t know diddly—

We don’t know diddly—except to avoid (most) be-verbs.

Gypsy Rose Lee was a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act. She was also a playwright.Gypsy Rose Lee, a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act, also wrote plays.

WordsGypsy Rose Lee was a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act. She was also a playwright. 19Gypsy Rose Lee, a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act, also wrote plays. 16

Cost to translate into 1 language

Gypsy Rose Lee was a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act. She was also a playwright. 19 $4.75Gypsy Rose Lee, a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act, also wrote plays. 16 $4.00

Cost to translate into 1 language 25 lang.

Gypsy Rose Lee was a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act. She was also a playwright. 19 $4.75 $118.75Gypsy Rose Lee, a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act, also wrote plays. 16 $4.00 $100.00

10,000 sentences

Gypsy Rose Lee was a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act. She was also a playwright. 19 $4.75 $118.75 $1,187,500.00Gypsy Rose Lee, a burlesque entertainer famous for her classy, witty striptease act, also wrote plays. 16 $4.00 $100.00 $1,000,000.00

10,000 sentences

Savings 16% $0.75 $18.75 $187,500.00

10,000 sentences

Savings 16% $0.75 $18.75 $187,500.00

Use be-verbs when they serve a purpose.

“Content is something you can run an ad alongside of.”

—Nora Ephron, I Remember Nothing

content

content ads

See be-verbs.

Now available

Start seeing be-verbs.HowToWriteEverything.com

Be-verbs are everywhere. See?

Is that a be-verb in your pocket?

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of timein light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch

We takethe rest off in myworkshop.

Adjectives • absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely

guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure• bald-headed• best ever, first ever• blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in

texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature

• booked solid• exact same, same exact, same identical• filled to capacity• incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact• added bonus• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning• all-time favorite, all-time record• alternative choice• anonymous stranger• annual anniversary• armed gunman• artificial prosthesis• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact• added bonus• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning• all-time favorite, all-time record• alternative choice• anonymous stranger• annual anniversary• armed gunman• artificial prosthesis• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

And that’s justthe a’s.

Verbs • add an additional• aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose• allow you to be able to• always include• ask the question• assemble together, attach together, blend together,

collaborate together, combine together, confer together, connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather together, join together, integrate together, meet together, merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool together, share together, splice together

Odds and Ends

• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening, twelve noon, twelve midnight

• and etc.

• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory, UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP

www.HowToWriteEverything.com/Annals-of-Redundancy-Annals/

Teach Your Text to Strip: Take It Off—Take It (Almost) All Off

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