How to handle Difficult Conversations

Deepak Babu

Regional Sales Director – Dell Services

How to handle

Difficult Conversations

NAAAP – Milwaukee - Professional Development & Networking Conference

June 2016

1. Introduction

2.What would you like to hear?

3.Key Takeaways

Speaker

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Regional Sales Director – Dell Services

What is a Difficult Conversation ?

Message

Emotions

Fear Anxiety Anger Frustration

It is unpleasant to deliver and receive..

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1,2,3….#,$,@.......

Common Difficult Conversations..

Salary/Money Bad Performance

Feedback

Inappropriate

Behavior

Deny an increase Termination I made a big mistake

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Globalization – The Cultural DimensionImpacts everyday activities at work

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https://geert-hoftede.com/countries.html

You think you are alone ??

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http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations

43%

31%

29%

29%

21%

0% 5% 10% 15% 20% 25% 30% 35% 40% 45% 50%

Not knowing how the other person will respond

Not being able to get a point across clearly

Being in a confrontational situation

Getting upset or emotional

The other person getting upset or emotional

Common concerns

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http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations

Process of Difficult Conversation

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Attribution

Difficult Conversations:

How to Discuss What

Matters Most

By

Douglas Stone(Author),

Bruce Patton (Author),

Sheila Heen (Author),

Let’s dissect it..

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The “What Happened

Conversation”

The Feeling Conversation

The Identity Conversation

Decoding the three Conversations

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What’s the

story here ?

How do I feel?

What should I do

with my feelings? What does this

say about me ?

Explore; Offer your view as perception and interpretation

Good intent doesn’t excuse bad Impact

Shift to a mutual contribution system

How to handle it

The Truth Assumptions

The Intention Invention

The Blame Game

Crippling Assumptions

“What happened” Conversation

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Have you ever been accused of putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 ?

Ladder of

Inference

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https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_91.htm

“The Feelings” Conversation

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The Identity Conversation

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Three common identity concepts

• Am I competent?

• Am I a good person?

• Am I worthy of love?

Difficult conversations threaten our identity.

Worksheet for preparation

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Back to the process – Dialogue

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What can you do?

− Notice when concerns are “at play”

− Make sure you have a shared goal

− Always demonstrate respect

Resolution

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Use inquiry for learning

• Don’t make statements disguised as questions

• Don’t cross-examine

• Ask open ended questions

• Remain authentic

Acknowledge the feelings behind any arguments

and accusations before problem-solving --

acknowledging is not agreeing

TALK

T – Think about framing how you think about the conversation differently. Don’t

label it as ‘difficult’. It may be about a tricky subject but, by suggesting solutions

or alternatives, you can focus on constructive outcomes

A – Always use clear, simple and neutral language. Refer to specific examples

and facts

L – Listen to what the other person is saying and hear their point of view. Show

you care about how they see things

K – Keep the focus on the issue, not the person

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http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations

Thank you

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Deepak Babu

Regional Sales Director – Dell Services

@sensibl

linkedin.com/in/deepakbabu

Please feel free to contact with comments and questions